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Old 2008-03-31, 03:05   Link #6861
Red225
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jintor View Post
When the objective was to get Kyonko/Kyon sexing it up in cosplay in various locations... no. Impossible.
Seconding that. Anything piece of work that has two characters going to various places to have sex for [technobabble reason] is pretty damn Deus Sex Machina. I mean, come on, why the hell would having sex in various cosplay outfits fix the collapse of two universes? The H-story you have at the moment has nowhere near a decent plot.
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Old 2008-03-31, 03:06   Link #6862
dkellis
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kang Seung Jae View Post
Current list of cosplays:

1. School Uniform (Full Scale Scene)
2. Maid
3. Apron (you know.... in the kitchen?)
4. Swimsuit
5. Miko
6. Neko-Shoujo
7. Nurse
8. Bunny Suit

Should we finalize it as this?
If the idea is for Kyon to boink Kyonko eight times in various outfits, I might waive my "no H whatsoever" rules to check out just what sort of snark either one might be making by number seven or eight.
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Old 2008-03-31, 03:07   Link #6863
Kang Seung Jae
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Red225 View Post
H-story you have at the moment has nowhere near a decent plot.
At least it's decent enough for a 20-something page doujinshi
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Old 2008-03-31, 03:12   Link #6864
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Red face

Sorry I temporarily flooded the topic, not used to using spoiler tags, didn't notice the syntax that they used, should work now.

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Old 2008-03-31, 03:14   Link #6865
Kang Seung Jae
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dkellis View Post
If the idea is for Kyon to boink Kyonko eight times in various outfits, I might waive my "no H whatsoever" rules to check out just what sort of snark either one might be making by number seven or eight.
They'll probably make one at the last scene, in the clubroom.
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Old 2008-03-31, 03:15   Link #6866
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's cool, Bolt.

That's some dedication you have there. : D
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Old 2008-03-31, 03:16   Link #6867
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I'm used to sitting at one problem for hours on end and working until I have something that is, in my mind, satisfactory/ideal. As I said, I use Gentoo Linux, and now have a mac install too.

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Old 2008-03-31, 03:18   Link #6868
Forceflow
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kang Seung Jae View Post
Current list of cosplays:

1. School Uniform (Full Scale Scene)
2. Maid
3. Apron (you know.... in the kitchen?)
4. Swimsuit
5. Miko
6. Neko-Shoujo
7. Nurse
8. Bunny Suit

Should we finalize it as this?
*nurses a(nother) cup of coffee*

I think we've covered most of the more common fetishes for ecchi doujins. Maybe we should swap the postions of 'Maid' and 'Neko-shojo'. By that time they'll probably be into it and we'll have Kyonko calling Kyon 'goshujin-sama'. Which is part of the attraction of the 'Maid'.

Last edited by Forceflow; 2008-03-31 at 03:37.
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Old 2008-03-31, 03:26   Link #6869
Red225
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kang Seung Jae View Post
They'll probably make one at the last scene, in the clubroom.
You mean they're not going to be making snarky comments through most of the scenes? That'd be the best bit!

EDIT: barring the actual bonking. Yeah, that too.
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Old 2008-03-31, 03:26   Link #6870
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jintor View Post
When the objective was to get Kyonko/Kyon sexing it up in cosplay in various locations... no. Impossible.
Agreed. Like I mention later in this post, near impossible to really get the cosplays to not sound like a total Deus Sex Machina. The technobabble reasoning was fairly weak, or so I feel.
But it made a great setup for Kyon's Pheonix Wright parody...

Quote:
Originally Posted by From the Script
[Bottom Right]
Description: All you see are Kyon's hands splayed down on the table. They're shaking a bit.
Kyon: So what you're saying is...

[Bottom Mid]
Description: Moved up to Kyon's mouth... can you see what's coming?
Kyon: ... that girl-Kyon and I, who'll be dressed up in cosplays...

[Bottom Left]
Description: Kyon doing the Pheonix Wright objection pose, while pointing at Yuuki.
Kyon: WILL BE HAVING SEX, ALL IN VARIOUS LOCATIONS!!??
Yuuki: That is correct.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JDGBOLT View Post
snip
Good friggen work. I'm truly amazed at how far the viscom project has come already... by just one guy to boot!
When the first novel's finished, we'll paste the bugger into your viscom program, add some backgrounds, some characters, and voila!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Red225 View Post
Seconding that. Anything piece of work that has two characters going to various places to have sex for [technobabble reason] is pretty damn Deus Sex Machina. I mean, come on, why the hell would having sex in various cosplay outfits fix the collapse of two universes? The H-story you have at the moment has nowhere near a decent plot.
Well for one thing, the cosplay outfits... ok I'll give you that. Totally Deus Sex Machina. I used my CRACK powers to make that happen because I want to see Kyonko dressed up. The fact that they have to have sex though, that was mostly thought out.
I swear.

Besides the fact that I'd like to think I did a good job on the dialogue and the character's, and the setting up phase is funny.
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Old 2008-03-31, 03:35   Link #6871
Ithekro
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"Welcome to 'Late Night Haruki-ism'. All Kyonko H, all the time. No exceptions."

I'll be glad when its morning and we can return to the light novels.
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Old 2008-03-31, 03:38   Link #6872
CanadaAotS
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Red225 View Post
You mean they're not going to be making snarky comments through most of the scenes? That'd be the best bit!

EDIT: barring the actual bonking. Yeah, that too.
Quote:
Originally Posted by dkellis View Post
If the idea is for Kyon to boink Kyonko eight times in various outfits, I might waive my "no H whatsoever" rules to check out just what sort of snark either one might be making by number seven or eight.
"Miko-Kyonko Scene"
Kyonko: What the hell? Now we're in a shrine, and I'm a shrine maiden?
*look over at Kyon, dressed as the priest*
Kyon: ... You don't even need to say anything.

And yeah, dkellis I think that would be a good idea too.
Kyon and Kyonko essentially -have- to have sex 8 times (I assume Nagato's will have to do a bit of data restructuring, for Kyon), so the last few scenes are going to be more about snarky comedy, while the first few will be "Omg we're having sex".

I agree with Kang from earlier. If the script is good enough, and we go all out, we could produce something that's actually quite decent

Edit:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ithekro View Post
"Welcome to 'Late Night Haruki-ism'. All Kyonko H, all the time. No exceptions."

I'll be glad when its morning and we can return to the light novels.
Hey, our project is just as serious. We can't have the light novels without our associated doujinshi!
Also, the writers of the light novels need to get their sleep at some point too
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Old 2008-03-31, 03:48   Link #6873
Jintor
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This particular editor needs his H fix.

And has never been on the planning committee of a H-doujin before.
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Old 2008-03-31, 03:52   Link #6874
CanadaAotS
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What do you guys think of this?

Some more snarky bits:
"The 4th or 5th sex scene"
Kyon: I just can't do this anymore. I'm not talking about any associated moral qualms, since obviously those are out the window...
*looks down at himself*
Kyon: ... it just won't go up anymore.
Kyonko: Ah well. We tried our best. At least if the universe ends I won't have to deal with Suzumiya anymore.
Kyon: Amen to that.
-Yuki appears. Begins data manipulation-
Kyon: Yuki what are you doing... Oh good lord.
Kyonko: It's... big again.
Kyon @ Yuki: What are you, some kind of Deus Sex Machina?
Yuki: If you mean a play on "Deus Ex Machina", as a convenient plot device to allow the smooth transmission of material from you to your analogue self, then yes. You could say that.
*Yuki leaves*
Kyon+Kyonko: ...


Yes, Kyon at some point has to accuse Yuki of being a Deus Sex Machina. It must be in the doujin! haha
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Old 2008-03-31, 03:54   Link #6875
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Does that translate to Korean well, though?
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Old 2008-03-31, 03:54   Link #6876
Forceflow
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CanadaAotS View Post
H-snip
/facepalm... in a good way

Thanks to you I now have a mental image of yuki biting down on Kyon's member to do data manipulation...

I'm so going to burn.

EDIT: forgot my other comments on the script. It looks decent, stuff that they might say. Is there a translation for deus ex machina in japanese?
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Old 2008-03-31, 03:56   Link #6877
CanadaAotS
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Forceflow View Post
/facepalm... in a good way

Thanks to you I now have a mental image of yuki biting down on Kyon's member to do data manipulation...

I'm so going to burn.
No. I'm going to burn.
I had an H-Doujin where that actually happened.
Translated in English even... god I wish I had my old doujin folder ;-;
Edit: The plot was something like "Kyon has been infected with a deadly data virus that can only be removed through various forms of sex" rather then biting though.
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Old 2008-03-31, 03:58   Link #6878
Red225
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You also need random trivia from Kyon.

[random trivia reference to put in]

Lazarus Long, fictional character out of some of Robert Henlein's novels. He lived an extended life, and at one point was persuaded by his timetravelling descendants not to kill himself (out of boredom) by finding something he'd never done before, which was having sex with his opposite sex clone.
[/trivia]

More snark

Kyonko: You know, everything's driven by the subconscious desires of Haruki, right?

Kyon: You mean Haruhi.

Kyonko: Whatever. Well, doesn't that mean they think having sex with their opposite sex twin will fix the world?

*both pause*

Kyon: The cosplay's definitely from Haruhi's subconscious. Yeah.
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Old 2008-03-31, 03:59   Link #6879
CanadaAotS
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jintor View Post
Does that translate to Korean well, though?
No idea. I'd have to find out from Kang on that one.

I don't know what they do with the phrase "Deus Ex Machina" in Korean or Japanese...
If they it stays relatively intact as a phrase, Kang might be able to come up with some kind of word play or phonetic play that would make the phrase sound sexual, which would allow Yuki to reply accordingly.

Edit:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Red225 View Post
You also need random trivia from Kyon.

[random trivia reference to put in]

Lazarus Long, fictional character out of some of Robert Henlein's novels. He lived an extended life, and at one point was persuaded by his timetravelling descendants not to kill himself (out of boredom) by finding something he'd never done before, which was having sex with his opposite sex clone.
[/trivia]

More snark

Kyonko: You know, everything's driven by the subconscious desires of Haruki, right?

Kyon: You mean Haruhi.

Kyonko: Whatever. Well, doesn't that mean they think having sex with their opposite sex twin will fix the world?

*both pause*

Kyon: The cosplay's definitely from Haruhi's subconscious. Yeah.
This was actually kicking around in my head as well. Part of the reason they must cosplay, is because the gods will it.
The snark is looking so good to me right now... haha.

Edit2:
S'more snark
Kyon makes the Lazarus Long reference, and for once someone actually understands one of his trivia like comments. He even rejoices at the fact. Kyonko makes some kind of remark to burst his bubble like, "I'm probably the only person in a hundred mile radius who understands what you meant"

Last edited by CanadaAotS; 2008-03-31 at 04:11.
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Old 2008-03-31, 04:09   Link #6880
Forceflow
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CanadaAotS View Post
No. I'm going to burn.
I had an H-Doujin where that actually happened.
Translated in English even... god I wish I had my old doujin folder ;-;
.... Well we'll both burn. My brain somehow thought further and this rough extension of your script came out:

(yuki after chomping down on Kyon's member)

Yuki: There has been a marked decrease in the volume of bodily fluids being exchanged between you two. I estimate he will be unable to transfer an appropriate amount of fluid at the next location.

(Kyon winces and climaxes or whatever)

(Yuki wipes her face as *fluids* drip off her face)

Yuki: Data Manipulation complete. Fluid expulsion increased to a steady rate of 300% of normal. Safety Factor of safe universe separation increased to 0.85345224.

Kyon/Kyonko: .... (wind blowing sfx)
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