MSLN Jokes & Assorted Humour

[Tiresias]

Originally Posted by Gaunt88

OK, so the only problems are that this assasinates Vice's character, there's no real fit for the Rookie in MGLN... and it implies a past Schach/Chrono romance

To quote a wise(?) man:

Originally Posted by Skane

Warning: The following parody is precisely that. A parody. Events depicted here are obviously not canon and may not follow the timeline strictly due to Rule of Cool.

[Koveras Alvane]

Originally Posted by Tiresias

The latest Star Trek movie. hmm, but wouldn't Chrono fit better, what with his father being KIA, GG as his mentor and him being admiral and all?

Well, I had that idea, with Yuuno as Spock, but I couldn't figure out who would be McCoy, then, so I went for Rebel!Hayate instead. ^^

[Skane]

Since we're parodying Openings... I figured that since Nanoha is generally accepted to be GAR as well, why not merge her with one of the more GAR Openings around? It may take a while for your brain to visualise the concept, but I assure you it will be worth it.

The premise... Nanoha equipping her AEC Strike Cannon in Fortress Mode.

~~~~ ~~~~

I...

I. Am.

I. Am. NANOHA!

I. AM. NANOHA!

*guitar riffs*

I. Am. NA-NO-HAAAA!

~~~~ ~~~~

Cheers.

[MeisterBabylon]

And then the live action remake will definitely go with: On the highway to hell...

[Tiresias]

GAR, eh? Obligatory Archer parody, then

Precia(VO):"Takamachi Nanoha. Now your world will completely change."

[Scene of teen Nanoha and Hayate talking with Precia at an abandoned Belkan Church.]

Precia:"You'll have to kill or be someone that gets killed. That's what it means to be a MASTER."

[A human-sized magic circle starts to manifest.]

Hayate(VO): "I command thee, thou shalt come forth to my side. Thy weapon shalt control my fate. Abiding by the Holy Grail's haven, if thou accedes to this will and reason, then answer me."

[Flashback of Uminary city in ruins, with child Nanoha standing at the middle.]

Nanoha(VO): "I will fight...to end this stupid Holy Grail war!"

THEME MUSIC!

[Scene of ARCHER arming her Raging Heart, and then firing a Divine Buster.]

ARCHER(VO): "If you think of not killing anyone...in the end, you won't save anyone."

Nanoha(VO): "I'm not like you! I won't sacrifice anyone for victory!"

Hayate(VO): "Nanoha, your way of life is too irregular; to value others' lives higher than your own is wrong..."

Erio:*talks towards Nanoha* "Your partner is a good woman. Such a good woman is helping you out, so you must be good-natured as well, right?"

[Scene of the servant SABER, Signum materializing from another magic circle with full Knights armor.]

Signum(VO): "Why? Why do you wish for an ending like this?! Your wish is wrong!"

[Scene of a devastating battle between SABER Signum and BERSERKER Vita at a graveyard.]

Signum(VO): *saddened* "If you do this, you..."

[Scene of a magic duel between Hayate and CASTER Caro.]

[Scene of LANCER Erio fighting against ARCHER.]

[Scene of SABER Signum dueling ASSASSIN Fate.]

[Even more battle scenes, culminating in the beam spam between Nanoha and ARCHER Nanoha.]

January 23rd 0085 in HOLO-cinemas

[Multiple shots of the insides of a ruined building]

ARCHER Nanoha(VO): "In the end, you don't have to fight..."

Die with the thought of your wish in mind---

ARCHER Nanoha(VO): "Takamachi Nanoha will die here."

Mahou Senshi Lyrical Nanoha

UNLIMITED BEAM WORKS

[Koveras Alvane]

Originally Posted by MeisterBabylon

And then the live action remake will definitely go with: On the highway to hell...

Suddenly I imagine the ax-crazy blood knight Nanoha humming in the middle of continuous destruction:

"No stop signs, speed limit
Nobody's gonna slow me down
Like a wheel, gonna spin it
Nobodys gonna mess me round"

[MeisterBabylon]

Originally Posted by Koveras Alvane

Spoiler for MLGH (2009):

[Early morning. Hayate (H), dressed in spiked leather, rides a bike on the outskirts of Cranagan]

Gil Graham (VO): I couldn't believe it when the police told me who you are.

[Scene shift: Biker!Hayate fights picks up a fight with several ground mages on the streets]

H [after the street fight, face bruised]: Why are you talking to me, old man? [shakes head dismissively]

GG [stands up]: Your mother was Captain of a starship for twelve minutes.

[Brief flashes of a grand battle in the Dimension Sea]

GG (VO): She saved 800 lives.

[Flash of young Lindy carrying baby Hayate to safety]

GG (VO): Including yours.

[Scene shift back: Hayate sitting on her bike, watching a drydock from afar, where Wolfram is being built]

GG (VO) [as the camera lingers on the Wolfram starting to light up]: I dare you to do better. Enlist in the Navy.

[CAPTION: FROM AUTHOR MASAKI TSUZUKI]

[Scene shift: The Bureau Graduation Hall, filled with young TSAB officers, fresh from their education. Hayate looks around]

Nanoha: You will experience fear.

[Scene shift: Hayate, Fate, and a TSAB mook skydive from the Earth's stratosphere]

N (VO): Fear in the face of certain death.

H [to mook]: Summon your shield!

F [as the mook fails to respond] No, no, no, no!

[CAPTION: ON OCTOBER 1st]

[Scene shift: Ominous shots of the Saint's Cradle emerging from warpspace]

N (VO): We received a distress call.

Scaglietti: I'm been waiting for this day my whole life… this day of reckoning.

[CAPTION: PREPARE]

[Scene shift: The Wolfram bridge]

F: I've got no Captain and no First Officer to replace her.

H [heavily battered, looks up at her decisively] Hell we do. [majestically descends into the Captain chair]

[CAPTION: FOR THE BEGINNING]

[Scene shift: Hayate stranded in the middle of frozen Alzas wasteland]

Shiro (VO to Nanoha): You are capable of deciding your own destiny.

[Many awesome battle scenes]

Shiro (VO): The question is... which path will you choose?

[Scene shift: Hayate confronts Scaglietti onboard the Cradle]

Scaglietti: Yagami Hayate was a great woman... but that was another life!

[More awesome battle scenes]

Lucino: They’re locking mass-based missiles.

Alto: Emergency evasive!

Scaglietti: Fire everything!

[Even more awesome battle scenes]

[BIG CAPTION: MAGICAL GIRL LYRICAL HAYATE]

[CAPTION: OCTOBER 1, 2009]

Just realized that this refined my crack from earlier:

Spoiler for Space Fleet (2010):

[Early morning. Chrono (C), dressed in spiked leather, rides a bike on the outskirts of Cranagan]

Gil Graham (VO): I couldn't believe it when the police told me who you are.

Chrono picks up a bar fight with several ground mages.

Chrono [after the fight, face bruised]: Why are you talking to me, old man?

Gil [stands up]: Your father was Captain of a spaceship for twelve minutes.

Brief flashes of a grand battle in the Dimension Sea against Alhazred!Precia and the Garden of Time.

Gil (VO): He saved 800 lives.

[Precia is seen retrieving the Book of Darkness. Flash of young Lindy carrying baby Chrono to safety.]

Gil (VO): Including yours.

We return to Chrono sitting on his bike, watching a drydock from afar, where Athra is being extensively refitted.

Gil (VO) [as the camera lingers on the Athra starting to light up]: I dare you to do better. Enlist in the Navy.

FROM THE CREATORS OF NANOHA AND TRIANGLE HEARTS

The Bureau Graduation Hall, filled with young TSAB officers, fresh from their education. Chrono looks around.

Nanoha: You will experience fear.

Griffith, Vice, and a TSAB mook skydive from the Earth's stratosphere.

Nanoha (VO): Fear in the face of certain death.

Griffith [to mook]: Open your grav-chute!

Vice [as the mook fails to respond] No, no, no, no!

ON OCTOBER 1ST

Ominous shots of the completed Cradle that is merged with the Garden emerging from the Dimensional Sea.

Nanoha (VO): We received a distress call.

Precia: I'm been waiting for this day my whole life… this day of reckoning.

Scaglietti: Goes very well with our reunion, doesn't it?

PREPARE

On the bridge of the Athra...

Lucino: I've got no Captain and no First Officer to replace him.

C [heavily battered, looks up at her decisively] Hell we do. [majestically descends into the Captain chair]

FOR THE BEGINNING

Chrono digs himself out of the life pod to find himself stranded in the middle of a frozen wasteland.

Signum (VO to Chrono): You are capable of deciding your own destiny.

Panning shot of the Athra as it closes on the Garden of Time.

Signum (VO): The question is... which path will you choose?

Chrono confronts Scaglietti and Precia onboard the Cradle.

Precia: The Hallaoun name meant greatness... but that was another life!

Nanoha drives the Strike Fortress X into the Garden. Yuuno is seen returning Nanoha the Raising Heart. Young Lindy screaming in pain. Chrono and Nanoha embrace. Momoko running out of Midoriya to see a large boring disruptor tearing into the Bay of Tokyo. Explosions everywhere!

Lucino: They’re locking fusion torpedoes.

Alto: Emergency evasive!

Scaglietti: Fire everything!

The cluster missiles fragment into its bomblets slowly as the Athra responded with magic phasers of her own, covering the entire hull in secondary explosions...

SPACE FLEET
OCTOBER 1, 2010

Spoiler for Additional Notes:

• Precia falling into the dark dimension causes her to travel back in time to the Claudia incident. It becomes that SHE is the cause of the book going berserk, and armed with the knowledge of alhazred that she gained from her fall, takes over the Garden of Time and plots to use the Book to revive Alice.
• In one strike, the alternate Precia, Fate and Hayate are erased from the timeline. Chrono ends up a delinquent, and a darker mood Nanoha on the fast track to command.
• Yes, Earth is destroyed. Momoko dies in the evacuation while Shiro and the rest of the family escapes. Hayate as well, as she never awoke her magical potential.
• Precia and Scaglietti reunite in their past capacity. Precia plots revenge against the TSAB by completing the Cradle with Jail's help. The whole of StrikerS thus gets warped while S1 and A's is removed completely.
• New ship designs, more emphasis on team and navy combat, and side characters now take centerstage.
• A new direction that shows how the TSAB actually functions versus just relying on super Aces.
• Plays on an old theory that Signum is actually Nanoha from the future.
• The main pairing returns to Nanoha and Chrono, as with the original Triangle Hearts.
• The most epic reboot of Nanoha that puts the Movie 1st to shame!

Maybe if I wrote a fanfic that didn't have original characters, this would be it.

[WarpObscura]

[Sound of a revving engine. Yuuno is at the wheel of a car as it makes a turn. Hayate is running in a carpark.]

Hayate (VO): You know how they say,

[Yuuno's car drives round the corner.]

Hayate (VO): some day a guy is going to come along

[Hayate cowers as Yuuno makes a fancy turn and scoops her into the passenger seat in a single move, barely avoiding an oncoming vehicle.]

Hayate (VO): and change your world forever.

[Yuuno drives off, then sticks his hand out the window.]

Hayate (VO): You have no idea.

[Yuuno fires a few spells, but they glance off a vehicle. Hayate looks at Yuuno.]

Hayate: Could you let me off at the next corner please?

[Yuuno drives against the flow of traffic.]

Yuuno: Can you please be quiet?

[Yuuno's car brushes against an open car door, slamming it shut.]

Hayate (VO): Six weeks ago,

[Yuuno climbs out the car while it is still in motion.]

Hayate (VO): I was just like you.

[Yuuno fires spells at the pursuing vehicle.]

Hayate (VO): And then I met him.

[A horn sounds. Yuuno looks back at an oncoming vehicle, then turns the steering wheel with his feet to avoid it.]

[Studio logos.]

[Hayate retreats from a smiling, advancing Yuuno and looks back as Carim appears.]

Carim: I thought she'd be... taller.

[Hayate follows Yuuno into a room where Mariel is at work.]

Hayate: I'm really thinking you have me mixed up

[A target board is projected onto a wall.]

Hayate: with somebody else.

Yuuno: I want you to curve the Buster.

[Carim offers Hayate a Device.]

Hayate: Hey, look, I don't know what that means.

[Hayate looks as Yuuno stands in front of a pig carcass.]

Carim (VO): Only a few people in the worlds have this ability.

[Carim looks at Hayate.]

Carim: And you, are one of them.

Hayate: You're crazy.

[Camera on Yuuno.]

Yuuno: Shoot the target.

[Carim nods at Hayate.]

Carim: Let your instincts guide you.

[Hayate readies herself, looks at Yuuno, then swings the Device as Mariel watches leaning against a wall. The Buster curves and barely clears Yuuno on its way to the target. Hayate pants.]

Carim (VO): This is your destiny.

[The target has a perfect bullseye scorch mark.]

[Carim spreads her arms while talking to Hayate.]

Carim: Join us.

[Wide shot of tall buildings. Zest steps out of an elevator and walks confidently down a corridor.]

Carim (VO): We are a fraternity

[Some mooks aim weapons.]

Carim (VO): of assassins.

[Reinforce Eins stares at something offscreen.]

Carim (VO): The weapons

[Shot of Buster mid-flight.]

Carim (VO): of fate.

[Yuuno talking.]

Yuuno: You kill one,

[Hayate and Rein Eins struggle on board a train. Yuuno pulls hard to the left on his steering wheel.]

Yuuno: save a thousand.

[Yuuno's car flies towards the train. Passengers scream shortly before the car crashes into the train.]

[Carim and Hayate walk into a room with tall bookshelves.]

Carim (VO): The fraternity

[Hayate preps a Device and fires it as Yuuno stands in front of hanging carcasses.]

Carim (VO): has trained assassins for thousands of years.

[Hayate prepares to engage Cinque in a knife fight. She makes a slash and jumps back from another that nicks her.]

Carim (VO): You'll begin

[Carim and Hayate walk through a bookshelf-lined room.]

Carim (VO): with everything you need

[Shot of a city.]

Carim (VO): to kill

[Hayate peeks out from behind a car and fires a spell. Rein Eins fires one of her own. The two crash together and dissipate in slow-motion.]

Carim (VO): your target.

[Fanservice shot of blouseless Hayate.]

Hayate (VO): You ever thought about

[Shot of Yuuno leaning against a wall.]

Hayate (VO): doing things differently?

[Hayate and Yuuno run on a train-top.]

Yuuno (VO): How do you mean?

[Yuuno falls back and lets the tunnel ceiling pass overhead, while Hayate jumps for the road over the tunnel and crosses it as a car swerves to miss her and crashes.]

Hayate (VO): You know, somebody...

[Hayate lands on the train-top, foot a bit close to Yuuno's vitals. Yuuno looks up at her.]

[New scene. Hayate looks at Yuuno.]

Hayate: You know...

[Yuuno, now wearing sunglasses, looks back.]

Yuuno: Nope.

[GUITAR RIFF as Zest crashes through a skyscraper window and leaps for a distant building.]

[CAPTION: This summer]

[Hayate and Yuuno stand on a train-top, Hayate preparing a spell.]

Yuuno: Now.

[The spell curves into a window and towards the target seated at a table within.]

Yuuno (VO): We don't know how far the ripples of our decisions go.

[Caption: Choose]

[Hayate takes a deep breath as she emerges from a tiny pool.]

[Shot of Yuuno's bare, tattooed back. He turns to look over his right shoulder.]

Yuuno (VO): That's what we believe in

[Caption: your]

[Hayate crashes through a window.]

[Hayate runs through an area firing spells with seeming abandon.]

Yuuno (VO): and that's why we do it.

[Caption: destiny]

[Yuuno drives a car towards a police blockade.]

[Hayate speaking to someone whose face is not visible to the audience.]

Hayate: You got a bond (?), here?

[Yuuno's car flies over the blockade as a policeman stares.]

[Yuuno looking at Hayate.]

Yuuno: Would you like to?

[Yuuno and Hayate kiss.]

[Yuuno's car races down the length of a bus that has fallen on its side.]

[Yuuno fires a spell in a bookshelf-lined room. As the spell curves, "goodbye" is somehow visible on it.]

[Movie Title]

[Caption: June 27th]

Spoiler:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5uMlNKozweg

I daresay you should have got it as soon as curving the Buster was mentioned. Yeah, I know this plays hard and fast with personalities... but apart from Rossa, I could not imagine who else to go with Hayate - I am feeling backlash-y towards the ErioXEveryone idea, Zaffy and Chrono did not seem to fit...

[Kaijo]

Some of these things are long enough to be shortfics. Might almost suggest they go to the fanfiction thread. But, as for my own meager contribution, based on a conversation with a friend of mine:

"I was going to make a Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha Trading Card Game... and then I realized the first person to play the Starlight Breaker card would win."

[Koveras Alvane]

Originally Posted by Kaijo

"I was going to make a Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha Trading Card Game... and then I realized the first person to play the Starlight Breaker card would win."

Not exactly. Since Starlight Breaker grows in power as the battle progresses, the Starlight Breaker card also gains power with each turn. Therefore, if someone plays their Startlight Breaker card immediately after your Starlight Breaker, they win.

[Akiyoshi]

Originally Posted by Kaijo

"I was going to make a Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha Trading Card Game... and then I realized the first person to play the Starlight Breaker card would win."

You need to made an Spell Card named "Cartridge Load" that increase ATK or something, also a Quick-Play Spell Card named "Flash Move" or "Blitz Rush" xD!

[Blank-Mage]

Originally Posted by Kaijo

Some of these things are long enough to be shortfics. Might almost suggest they go to the fanfiction thread. But, as for my own meager contribution, based on a conversation with a friend of mine:

"I was going to make a Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha Trading Card Game... and then I realized the first person to play the Starlight Breaker card would win."

"Starlight Breaker: Opponent must forfeit a character card to the players deck. This character card is now 'befriended'."

"Berserk: Vita/Subaru granted double ATK and SPD for 2 turns, DEF is halved."

"Blaster 3: Nanoha gains ATK, loses HP every round."

"Insert Song: Fate Testarossa gains ATK and SPD."

[Ottocycle]

Originally Posted by Tiresias

ASSASSIN Fate

BTW, every A's Portable character route is getting a set of nanos lolomg. This is from Chrono's route lol.

[Tiresias]

Originally Posted by Ottocycle

*chuckles*

Though deep inside, I still think Fate should've been a Lancer Halberdier...

BTW, every A's Portable character route is getting a set of nanos lolomg. This is from Chrono's route lol.

There's still more as-nano's? Holy

[WarpObscura]

No one guessed my trailer spoof?

[Tiresias]

Originally Posted by WarpObscura

No one guessed my trailer spoof?

Some movie called Wanted or something (never had the chance to actually watch it), the one with A. jolie

[Skane]

Originally Posted by WarpObscura

No one guessed my trailer spoof?

But... but... you gave out the answer in your spoiler post already. How do we answer what has been answered already?

Narf.

[Skane]

They Hunted Her Down.

*scene of Type-IV Drones stabbing a young Nanoha from behind*

They Injured Her Friends.

*scene of Cinque blowing Ginga's drill-arm off*

And They Took The Only Thing... She Would Kill For

*scene of the Numbers kidnapping child-Vivio*
Otto: "If you want your kid back, then you're going to co-operate. Right?"
Nanoha: "Wrong." *Divine Busters Otto*

Now. Somewhere. Somehow. Someone's Going To Pay.

Regius: "Do you think Mommy is going to give us any problems?"
Jail: "She'll do exactly as she's told."

Teana: "What's the point of all this?"
Nanoha: "You're an emo-girl, Teana. That's why I'm going to befriend you last."

Arisa: "Yeah, are you going to tell what's going on or what?!"
Nanoha: "... No."

Nanoha: "What are you doing?"
Arisa: "Helping you get her back." *backfires a Mage device*

Nanoha: "Remember Teana, when I promised I would befriend you last?"
Teana: "That's what I'm thinking! You did!"
Nanoha: "I lied."
Teana: "ARRGGGHHHH!" *gets Divine Shot multiple times*

If It's A Mission That No Mage Can Survive. She's The Ace For The Job.

Takamachi. Nanoha.

Nanoha: "Setup."

[Akiyoshi]

I recognize that one withouth even need of the trailer xD!

Nanoha Takamachi is COMMANDO!

...extra points for gettin Arisa into the mess xD!

[WarpObscura]

Originally Posted by Skane

But... but... you gave out the answer in your spoiler post already. How do we answer what has been answered already?

Narf.

Hey, if you didn't want to know you didn't have to look!