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Link #461 |
Power of the Damager
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My entire life has been a Picasso-reject as far as emotions go, and I'm all passioned out. My idea of love is that it shouldn't be furiously passionate, nor should it make you overflow with happiness. I'd much rather see it as a state of serenity and calmness. I don't want my heart to race or my thoughts to run together any more than they already do. I would imagine that 'true love' was a Nirvana that you didn't have to die to reach. (Nirvana is often a misused term; it's not a state of insane joy or anything, but a state of peace, calmness, wholeness, and unity with the universe).
I don't want any of that 'furious passion' bullshit. And that's why I've been single since I was 16. XD Regardless, to everyone who is comfortable with passion and is experiencing it, I congratulate you; to those still searching for it, I wish you luck and a great many epiphanies. |
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Link #462 | |
User Title eaten by ravenous bunnies
![]() Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Zeon
Age: 27
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Link #463 |
Ive been MikuCaramellized
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My situation is a bit annoying. I would LOVE to date a girl. of course, standing behind the bar making coffee all day isn't exactly the best way to pick up girls, and seeing cute girls come in is TORTUOUS, but I'm too picky. I don't like outgoing extroverts. I like introverts. I think i'm a little odd in that part. Of course, unless i start school back up I doubt i'll meet many people. Anyways, because of my impossible taste in girls i've decided not to look for one till Harumi (my 78 280z) is looking halfway decent and has a turbo under the hood. (so....probably a year or so)
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Link #464 |
Clannad Preacher
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: In my fantasy dreamworld called Clannad
Age: 24
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liking introverts is perfectly fine, everybody has their own tastes. But yeah, to find one, I would advise starting school back up, and join extracirricular activities you enjoy.
Yesterday, my gf and I made out for the first time....and it feels great o-o
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Link #465 | |
Love Yourself
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Northeast USA
Age: 32
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![]() As was mentioned above, there's nothing wrong with liking introverts over extroverts. I was the same way. My fear was that being mostly introverted myself, dating an extrovert would result in a clash of lifestyles and possibly values. In my experience, my fears were largely true. You want to maximize compatibility where you can. But if you're too picky, you'll never really get a feel for what you really want. We all have the statistics of our ideal woman in our minds, but thinking it is different than experiencing it. I don't recommend doing this at work, but if you see a girl and feel an attraction to her, then take any chances that come your way to get to know her better. You're not committing to her, and you're getting a feel for who she is. Maybe she won't be as extroverted as you'd first judged her to be, or maybe you'll discover that you enjoy some extroverted activities. Additionally, how many girls feel the need to put on a show and go to parties all the time because they're afraid that no guy would want them or be able to find them otherwise? I've known a few. Arguably they're not "true" introverts if they can do that, but that sort of lifestyle - the lifestyle that would make you judge them as being extroverts - isn't what makes them happy. If you've dated dozens of girls, then feel free to ignore my advice - I'm going under the assumption that most of us on this thread have little to no dating experience. I'm happily in a relationship, but the advice I give here is the advice I would give to myself four, maybe even five years ago if I could. Constantly waiting on who you might judge to be miss perfect, always holding out for someone to take the initiative with you... it's not easy, and for introverts it takes a lot of courage (and adrenaline-induced anxiety) but it'd be better to actively shop around. You'll get a better feel for people, you'll gain more experience in approaching people about possible romance, you'll gain more self confidence, and you'll lose some of that frustration derived from not dating because you'll be actively working toward something.
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Link #466 | |
Ive been MikuCaramellized
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surprisingly i never really liked dating extroverts, despite my hobbies. i am farily introverted at heart, so that might have something to do with it.
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i know what you mean with a lot of what you said, but it's a pretty nice reminder ^__^ |
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Link #467 |
Power of the Damager
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The funny thing is, Nen, that it seems like more girls are attracted to you the less you try to attract them. I always managed to get fangirls every time I started dating someone, it's so illogical. If you don't try to stress yourself into something, the odds are that you'll find it easier anyways. Some girls like the strong silent type, and others like the extroverted and aggressive type. However, most people are a little put off by people who fumble around.
Just because you're introverted doesn't mean that you can't be confident. Try try to be extroverted; just be yourself. I believe that a good relationship will happen, but if you're looking, you tend to pass over a lot of good opportunities and chances. I find that a good balance for an introverted person would be an extroverted person, and vice versa. Funny how it works out. Those relationships tend to last longer, but you wouldn't be able to tell at first glance since they aren't like two people who find someone that they automatically "know" is perfect and get bubbly and giddy whenever they're around them. You usually get bored with the sameness. |
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Link #468 |
Ive been MikuCaramellized
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haha yeah, i know what you mean. that's why i decided not to look for a girlfriend till my 280z is a bit further along than it is now. at my core i'm pretty introverted, but i do have a somewhat extroverted side that comes out every once in a while.
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Link #469 |
Gillian-class Chibi
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Utah
Age: 29
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So here's a dating-related question for you guys... not the usual sort for this thread, though, since I already am dating someone.
![]() There's kind of two parts to it... First, he makes me really happy. Besides being a complete match in personality (in the good way, not in the "we're way too similar to get along" way), which makes doing anything together tons of fun, he'll go out of his way to do little stuff that he knows will make me happy. (For instance, I have the unusual hobby of collecting My Little Ponies... please don't laugh... and he actually makes an effort to remember their names and such. And he's started coming to my Welsh singing class on Thursday nights. ...It's really hard to come up with specific examples, but you get the idea.) But, and I think this might be because I've always had some self-esteem issues, I never feel as if I'm making him happy. It's not that he seems unhappy or anything... but I still end up feeling kind of selfish. The second part (which doesn't help at all with the first) is that lately it seems like all he wants to do is play World of Warcraft. Which is fine; I enjoy it too. But it seems like most of the time that's all he wants to do with me. He already does stuff with his guild three nights a week, and then we've got our Dungeons and Dragons game on Friday nights. So that leaves very little time for me to begin with (I don't count four hours rolling dice in a crowded room as spending time with me, since we both tend to get really caught up in the game) and running around killing monsters online isn't exactly how I like to spend my time with him. Especially since when we play WoW, we're both at home, not together. I've tried telling him that I'd like to spend more time -alone- with him, -in person-, and I guess I'll see how that goes... it was really hard to figure out how to say it without coming across as clingy or needy. Which I try not to be, and I think I do a pretty good job. I'm not sure how to get him to understand, though, if it turns out just telling him wasn't enough. :/ I guess sometimes it just feels like we're back to being just friends again, albeit much more affectionate... |
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Link #470 |
User Title eaten by ravenous bunnies
![]() Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Zeon
Age: 27
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wow i wish my GF would play Guild Wars with me
![]() well if my gf told me she wants to spend more time alone i would try to please her. but i think he thinks that going to your Welsh Singing classes as spending time with you. but i dont think your selfish at all u didnt ask him to go to any of ur Welsh singing classes rite XD well ur bf might be addicted to MMO's P.S. im ambivert
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Link #471 | |
Gillian-class Chibi
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Utah
Age: 29
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Link #473 | |||
Love Yourself
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Northeast USA
Age: 32
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But I agree overall, relationships tend to find you when you're not looking. That's always been my experience, and it's the advice I give to people who put so much effort into dating and can't seem to find anyone. They're likely trying too hard, and perhaps they're overlooking a lot of potentially good relationships. However, I don't give that advice to people who want to be in a relationship but don't put the effort in. If you don't speak to anyone at all and you barely leave your room (and that's not a criticism; I've had plenty of days like that myself) then you're simply not going to have any encounters. You want to at least make connections and be able to form relationships with people. Those relationships can either be jumped up to dating, or they may lead to relationships with other people who may be candidates (again, that was an experience of mine). I suppose the best advice is the same general rule that applies to all life: always be in moderation. Be open and perhaps even work toward a relationship, but don't desire it too strongly. Quote:
![]() It's important because many people don't understand that. Almost all of us have the value of doing nice things for others, but for many of us that value supercedes the value of allowing others to do nice things for us. The two are not opposites, but many people would believe it to be so. After all, if someone is doing something on your behalf when you could have done it yourself and saved them the time, didn't you just fail at doing something nice for them (in a sense)? It's not always easy to distinguish when it's appropriate. The games that people play don't help, either (false offering to aid, and then becoming angry when they perceived the polite thing to do as rejecting that aid). So this sort of leads into the second part of your post: Quote:
I have a bias against MMORPGs because I feel that they consume your life. If he's heavily playing WoW, it could be because he's stressed and is relying heavily on it to relieve stress. It could be that something big is going on there. Another possibility is that he's bored. Examine those angles (and a few others) and see if you can find the source of what's causing him to play more often. You don't want to come off as a control freak, but at the same time you need to respect your own feelings as well and make them known. If you told him once before, then tell him again. Hopefully he'd be open-minded enough to consider it, and he could also give feedback to you and let you know if you are really being clingy or not. If you want to try a more subtle approach, do something new with him. My girlfriend and I tend to be busy, so I occasionally ask that we try new restaurants together or check out new shopping areas. When she's a bit more free we plan to visit an aquarium nearby. These aren't things I'd normally do and admittedly I don't have a huge fascination with any of them, but it's a nice excuse to get out of the house, spend some alone time together, and to further bond through new experiences. You know what I mean? I can't tell you whether you're being clingy or not, because I am obviously not there to see how things are going. It sounds like you are very respectful of his alone time (which is important!). I'd just advise you to not put your own feelings on the back shelf. Relationships are hard work because we need to work together, negotiating so that both parties are satisfied. If you can make changes on your end to accommodate him, great - you've arguably conquered the hardest part of being a good partner in a relationship. But you need to be able to be up front about your feelings. If something is bothering you, think about it for a bit on your end to ensure that it's not just you, and then discuss it with him.
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Link #474 |
User Title eaten by ravenous bunnies
![]() Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Zeon
Age: 27
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This might be the wrong thread to argue over this but i dont think MMORPG's concume your life because i have bean playing guild wars for about 25 months and i have 2.5k hours on it i go to parties alot of parties i have a girlfriend, i go out to movies all the i also have friends in school who play 2 times more then i do and they still have a "Life" I think it all comes down to time mangament, race , location and enviorment
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Link #475 | |
Love Yourself
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Northeast USA
Age: 32
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That was an unfair statement to make, I'll admit. I think MMORPGs are geared toward sucking people into a second life of sorts. I played Ultima Online for ~3 years, and my experience with it was pretty much as I stated. The more time you spend in the game, the better your character is. It's the same as any other game except for the fact that MMORPGs tend to be a bit more immersive (although compared with UO and what I know of Everquest, WoW is rather linear and much less immersive). So if you're not putting the time in, you can do much less. In addition, there are other people around, and the world is changing in its own ways. If you're not there, you're missing it and you're becoming an outsider. Everyone wants to be involved and to have power that everyone else can respect. The social factor, the fact that the game is going even when you're not logged in, and the fact that there's no end to the game are probably the greatest encouragers of having people spend copious amounts of time in the game. Any time spent in the game is time not spent on other things. When I say it's a life-eater, I don't mean that you'll have "no life" in the social sense. I mean that large amounts of your time that could have gone into new hobbies or experiences was spent on a single game. And I'm not against games - I've played plenty. But the only game I've spent well over 100 hours on was Ultima Online. I'm not proud of that. There are people who are completely not impacted by those aspects, of course. In my opinion they're in the minority, but they exist. And good for them - I wish I could play MMORPGs in a non-obsessive manner, like most other games. I can't, and the impression I got from my fellow players was that they couldn't, either. I'll avoid those games like the plague, and I generally recommend others to stay away from them as well.
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Link #476 |
MMmmmm Bacon~~~
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: OPAI
Age: 33
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I am madly in love with a girl, my heart tells me she is the one. When I am not with her, I think about her all day and dream about her all night. When I go on dates with her, I can't feel like clicking with her... This sucks...
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Link #478 | |
Pasokon-Otaku
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That's not to say that it owns your soul.
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Link #479 | ||
MMmmmm Bacon~~~
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: OPAI
Age: 33
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we are going on dates now, but I can not feel any vibe from her at all. it's better let things goes naturally then force it, it could get really awkward |
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Link #480 |
Aboard Kallen's Bandwagon
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: California
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Hah. I was just reading the last 3 pages until I hit my own post and realized how idiotic my post was. My apologies........
I don't know, I just read about WoW and people going anal.... so.... Lesson learned: Read the previous posts first. |
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Tags |
advice, break-ups, dating, dating after divorce, divorce, happiness, love, pairings, single dad, single mom |
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