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Old 2008-03-11, 05:37   Link #1381
Aaron008R
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>.>

<.<

>_<

My first try...

Spoiler for Day of Sagittarius: Genderbent Version. tentative first part.:


Thinking in a female mindframe was more difficult than expected.

Anyway, I tried making Kyon-ko sound as someone who doesn't know about these types of games. I hope it works...
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Last edited by Aaron008R; 2008-03-11 at 06:17.
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Old 2008-03-11, 05:55   Link #1382
Jintor
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"Reached our level of manliness"

I lol'd.

Asahina-sempai needs to take a level in badass.

/EDIT Personally, I find the idea of a Kyonko well-versed in strategy games appealing. But that's just a me thing, i haven't given any thought as to whether it's, you know, applicable.

Although Kyon, Yuuki and Itsuko need to be the only people who can actually fight, if I remember correctly. Haruki's too hotheaded and Asahina-san doesn't have enough badass levels.
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Old 2008-03-11, 05:55   Link #1383
sosoft
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kaisos Erranon View Post
What would you suggest?
Quote:
Originally Posted by dkellis View Post
What I meant was mostly the "I wanted to say" part. I don't think Kyonko would even think about wanting to say it; she doesn't seem wired that way, so to speak. So change either "I wanted to say" or "my prince" and it'll be perfect.
Also, WHY is no one else making comments about this?
I think its fine for kyonko fangirling asakura. It gives him a more 'perfect' kind of feeling, and it sounds normal for it to come from kyonko. we don't really have to match kyonko's personality to kyon 100%. After all females and males see things very differently. I especially liked the part where kyonko got the stares from the other girls in the classroom
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Old 2008-03-11, 05:59   Link #1384
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Well, Kyon might take that kind of fancy at Asakura up until Asakura tries to kill her.

@Jintor: I don't suppose staring at a computer monitor is painful to the point that you wouldn't continue on reading Haruhi, and take additional punishment as one bear with run-on sentences galore?
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Old 2008-03-11, 06:02   Link #1385
Jintor
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All I can say is, I hope you monkeys like my editjobs.

I praise Baka-Tsuki for, you know, actually translating these novels so I can enjoy them, but in many many ways their mode of writing causes me physical pain.

@Panzerfan - Nah, the Haruhiism is too great. I was working on rewriting everything Baka-Tsuki did for the novels though... making them flow better... I've brought quite a bit of that to this project. In my initial run I stopped just after the Integrated Data Sentient Entity infodump because of a combination of Real Life and nobody on here giving a shit. : /

(This whole GB thing is a way of getting me remotivated, to some degree. Also, Kaisos does most of the legwork. )

Last edited by Jintor; 2008-03-11 at 06:51.
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Old 2008-03-11, 06:11   Link #1386
Aaron008R
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Kyonko getting fangirly seems like a good idea. Though I'd expect her to be just silent+dere-dere... But how about Asahina-kun? Should we give her two crushes? Or maybe just admiration for Asakura?

BTW, thanks for reminding me about the remaining elligible fighters, Jintor. But for now... if Kyonko won't be good in strategy games like in my initial draft, how does the idea of being a quick learner sound? Though considering all the practice rounds failed...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jintor
I praise Baka-Tsuki for, you know, actually translating these novels so I can enjoy them, but in many many ways their mode of writing causes me physical pain.
Paragraphing?

Then I'll just redo the paragraphing of my future works to be less Baka-tsuki slighty disjointed-like...
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Old 2008-03-11, 06:17   Link #1387
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I've seen a YouTube video of a genderbending Haruhi, and I admit, and I being a straight guy, Kyon as a female is utterly attractive. >_<;;

I agree, too moe and cute to resist. XD

They should do this for a second season instead-- switch the genders around and change the story a little bit. ^^;;;

It would possibly make for an interesting show.
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Old 2008-03-11, 06:24   Link #1388
sosoft
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Originally Posted by NejinOniwa View Post
Last thing I do today, then...

Chapter 2, part 1 completed! Doing this stuff is either getting faster and easier, or maybe I just worked a lot more on the first one? Well, whatever.

Spoiler for Chapter 2, Part 1 - Club Room:


There we goes. Any thoughts?

Oh and also: Tangowr, you deserve a damn medal. Also, buttmark -> HILARITY. XD
Sounds abit too painful for Kyonko. Maybe pulling her hand is enough. Or pull hair-> she shouts let go > shifts to pull arm. I just don't like the pull-hair method to last for the entire trip to the other block.
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Old 2008-03-11, 06:47   Link #1389
Jintor
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I still prefer the pick-up-and-run-off-with method Haruki's got going there from the Kaisos job. Hair pulling is only good for the shorter trips, and even then Kyon's got to be thinking "ZOMG WHAT A JERK!"

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Originally Posted by octoberasian View Post
They should do this for a second season instead-- switch the genders around and change the story a little bit. ^^;;;

It would possibly make for an interesting show.
Nuh-uh, need that second season animated RIGHT NOW.

NEED MOAR SUGITA TOMOKAZU + AYA HIRANO

Quote:
Originally Posted by Aaron008R
Paragraphing?

Then I'll just redo the paragraphing of my future works to be less Baka-tsuki slighty disjointed-like...
Your paragraphing is fine, methinks. I do think you're overusing elipsises (...) and still translating a bit too literally, but it's all cool. I think you get the 'female mindset' thing better than I do, though. It's a freaking bitch to do.
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Old 2008-03-11, 06:49   Link #1390
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Originally Posted by sosoft View Post
Sounds abit too painful for Kyonko. Maybe pulling her hand is enough. Or pull hair-> she shouts let go > shifts to pull arm. I just don't like the pull-hair method to last for the entire trip to the other block.
I agree, for long distance Haruki should just pick Kyonko up, and run off.
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Old 2008-03-11, 07:15   Link #1391
NejinOniwa
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I'm aware of that, yeah ^^
Thing was, I'd seen the ponytail thing and gone "ZOMFS MUST HAVE!" over it, and when I imagined Kyon-ko pulled BACKWARDS over a ways I went off in ZOMFS HILARITY mode and let it get the better of me.

However, the "pick-up-and-run" mode was used once already, and I don't think it's that great to use such a thing more than once - at least not in such concession. Anyway, I'll do the editjob on it before I start on Ch2-2, which is, um, now.
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Old 2008-03-11, 07:17   Link #1392
dkellis
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jintor View Post
I praise Baka-Tsuki for, you know, actually translating these novels so I can enjoy them, but in many many ways their mode of writing causes me physical pain.
Baka-Tsuki keeps very faithfully to the novels, and I suspect that it's the difference between typography in English prose and in Japanese prose. Using completely made-up examples, generally English prose style for dialogue goes something like this:

Quote:
"If you're really an ESPer with paranormal powers," I said, "make this cup of coffee warm again. Then I might believe you."

Itsuko favoured me with a genuine smile. "I'm sorry, but I can't do that. My powers only work under rather specialized conditions." Seeing my look of skepticism, she added, "Even so, I believe that you'll probably be able to see them one day."
Whereas Japanese prose style, at least for the MoHS novels, go something like:

Quote:
"That's strange."

Haruki said, hopping on the bed. That guy seems to like high places, probably so he can look down on the rest of us.

"I thought that she'd be lost in drawing her fan comics. Maybe she went out to the convenience store? Kyon, what do you think?"
Dialogue is given its own individual paragraph. In fact, in many cases, the dialogue is left unpunctuated. It's a bit jarring to read when one is used to English language novels.

This is apart from the usual translation laments of the Japanese language being able to describe a reaction without mentioning who had that reaction. Entire paragraphs might consist of a single "Surprise." instead of a "He was surprised." in the same paragraph as the relevant action.

So basically since I'm writing in English, I use English style conventions. Which means that I'm not as faithful to the translations as I probably should be, but it's a lot easier on the eyes for me.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Aaron008R View Post
Kyonko getting fangirly seems like a good idea. Though I'd expect her to be just silent+dere-dere... But how about Asahina-kun? Should we give her two crushes? Or maybe just admiration for Asakura?
Personally my view is that Kyonko should be developing a highly favourable reaction to Mitsuru, admires Asakura from afar, and gradually starts to find Yuuki eligible, but overall finds herself sticking with Haruki despite her own complaints.

I don't quite agree that Kyonko should have a crush on Asakura, since Kyon doesn't have one on Female Asakura. Yes, Kyonko would be happy if (Male) Asakura expresses interest in her, but if not, no big deal.

If Kyonko does have a crush on Asakura, then there should probably be some mention given during the battle scene of the Hell Hath No Fury trope. I don't think Kyonko is the sort to take (perceived) betrayal lightly.

Quote:
BTW, thanks for reminding me about the remaining elligible fighters, Jintor. But for now... if Kyonko won't be good in strategy games like in my initial draft, how does the idea of being a quick learner sound? Though considering all the practice rounds failed...
Being a quick learner may not help if your teammate is Leeroy Jenkins, which I believe Haruhi (and by extension Haruki) acts like in DoS3.
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Old 2008-03-11, 07:31   Link #1393
NejinOniwa
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Quote:
Dialogue is given its own individual paragraph. In fact, in many cases, the dialogue is left unpunctuated. It's a bit jarring to read when one is used to English language novels.

This is apart from the usual translation laments of the Japanese language being able to describe a reaction without mentioning who had that reaction. Entire paragraphs might consist of a single "Surprise." instead of a "He was surprised." in the same paragraph as the relevant action.

So basically since I'm writing in English, I use English style conventions. Which means that I'm not as faithful to the translations as I probably should be, but it's a lot easier on the eyes for me.
Well, it's true that it's hard on you to suddenly switch between the two, but in my edits I've tried using the same style as Baka-Tsuki, since I just think it's both too much to rewrite otherwise, as well as unnecessary editing that might not even come out well at all - while I'm quite used to writing in long paragraphs with my other works, I feel that for this writing style it works better with the original way...

GENSAKU DOORI DA!
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Quote:
Personally my view is that Kyonko should be developing a highly favourable reaction to Mitsuru, admires Asakura from afar, and gradually starts to find Yuuki eligible, but overall finds herself sticking with Haruki despite her own complaints.

I don't quite agree that Kyonko should have a crush on Asakura, since Kyon doesn't have one on Female Asakura. Yes, Kyonko would be happy if (Male) Asakura expresses interest in her, but if not, no big deal.

If Kyonko does have a crush on Asakura, then there should probably be some mention given during the battle scene of the Hell Hath No Fury trope. I don't think Kyonko is the sort to take (perceived) betrayal lightly.
Hmm, hmm, huh...

I think it's easier to just have Kyon-ko fangirling in general - she doesn't need to have romantic interest in a person in order for her instincts to kick in on HEAVY MODE. I mean - resisting Asakura-kun's dazzling bishie mode is impossible. Really. But there doesn't need to be any crushed heart in the whole thing, just the same surprising "I never ever thought he'd do something like this" thing as the original.

On the others; In my CosRaep writejob i had Kyon-ko go into a slight shota-fangirlish mode over Maid-Mitsuuru, just to have something that way - don't think it's going to work in the long shot, though, so it's probably better to have her gain interest as time goes, both for him, but more importantly, Nagato-kun, as he gradually gains emotions outwards.


Oh and also, Editjob on the ponytail thing, GET. Nothing else has been done though, as I'm moving on to the next part now.
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Old 2008-03-11, 07:33   Link #1394
Poulp
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Originally Posted by sosoft View Post
It seemed like my horrible premonition had come true.

After class, Haruki didn't disappear instantly from the classroom as usual. With no other warning than the sound of his footsteps approaching from behind, I was suddenly plucked off the ground as if I weighed nothing, with Haruki holding me like a trophy in his grasp. He then proceeded to carry me (kicking and yelling) through the corridors, up the stairs, and all the way to just in front of the door leading to the rooftop.

This is not what I meant when I said I wanted to be swept of my feet by a handsome prince! And I don’t even want to imagine what the rest of the class must have thought…

The door here is usually locked, and the staircase above the fourth floor seems to have been used as a storage room by the Art Club. Giant canvases, near broken picture frames, statues of war gods with missing noses and such are all piled up in this little staircase, making what is supposed to be a narrow space even narrower, and giving me a slight sense of claustrophobia.

What is he trying to do to me by bringing me here? Is he going to make me his bride? I’m no alien! Put me down!

He did.

"Help me out."

...Haruki said with both his hands on my shoulders, looking straight into my eyes. This feels like a confession.

Great, now I’m blushing.

"Help you with what?"
I feigned ignorance.

"Help me make a new club!"
I'd just change the "Help me out" into "Hear me out" in order to build up the suspense a little bit longer
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Old 2008-03-11, 07:34   Link #1395
Keroko
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Originally Posted by Jintor View Post
I still prefer the pick-up-and-run-off-with method Haruki's got going there from the Kaisos job. Hair pulling is only good for the shorter trips, and even then Kyon's got to be thinking "ZOMG WHAT A JERK!"
She's going to be thinking a bit worse then "ZOMG WHAT A JERK!" really. I'd be surprised if she was even willing to help him at all, getting your hair pulled already hurts like hell when its short, if its longer it only hurts more.
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Old 2008-03-11, 07:41   Link #1396
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She's going to be thinking a bit worse then "ZOMG WHAT A JERK!" really. I'd be surprised if she was even willing to help him at all, getting your hair pulled already hurts like hell when its short, if its longer it only hurts more.
Well, it's true that short hair-pull hurts a LOT. However in my experience long hair isn't as bad (and I'm pretty sure I can judge that fairly, since I have a ponytail the length of Kyon-ko's of my own), and with a ponytail it's even less - from what I know, just pulling a few hairs hurts FUCKSHIT BAD, while many is actually possible to stand for a short while. Plus it's not like he'd pull her by it for itself - she's walking along quite much (wisely enough) as well. Plus, shock and exhaustion prevents her from giving much of a ZOMFS JERK reaction - besides, doesn't she pretty much think of him like that already, anyway?
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Old 2008-03-11, 07:42   Link #1397
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"Dear Diary,

Don't you hate how long it takes for your hair to dry? I swear, I want a quick five minute shower, and it takes like forever for my hair to look acceptable. Should I try something new today, diary? Minoru would be certain to notice if I tried pigtails instead of the usual ponytail. But, that is like so much more effort!

Did you hear of that school dance coming up, diary? I really really want Minoru to ask me to it, and if not, I may try to ask. But Itsuko warned me against going to it with anyone other than Haruki. Something about the world ending again. Gah! Why can't I live the life of a normal girl! If you like Haruki so much, Itsuko, just ask her yourself! Don't pull me into your drama!

Oh, and you should have seen Yuuki today! He was, like, SO out of order. His tie was crooked, his hair was a mess, and he seemed so asleep! It was just too cute! Do even aliens get drunk, or does he have something else up his sleeve?

Now, if you excuse me, my brother is knocking really loudly against the door. He must want to play baseball or something. But, why baseball in the winter? Can't he just stay inside and knit or something? And, why does he always have to walk in on me when I'm doing "that"?

Sincerely,
Kyon-ko"
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Old 2008-03-11, 07:51   Link #1398
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Quote:
"Dear Diary,

Don't you hate how long it takes for your hair to dry? I swear, I want a quick five minute shower, and it takes like forever for my hair to look acceptable. Should I try something new today, diary? Minoru would be certain to notice if I tried pigtails instead of the usual ponytail. But, that is like so much more effort!
TRUTH.
One of them big downsides with having long hair; that you'll need at least an hour for it to get dry, or a marathon with the hair-dryer...
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Old 2008-03-11, 07:53   Link #1399
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I'm erring on the side of making Haruki not so much of a jerk that Kyonko just ups and leaves him, especially before she discovers the bit about him being a Reality Warper. I mean, I've never quite figured out why Kyon didn't just say "no way", unless either he has no objections to the concept of Girls Treating Guys Like Dirt, or he just didn't think about it. (Or maybe he's just thinking about Haruhi's looks rather than her personality.)

If nothing else, at least have Kyonko not remember that Haruki is a jerk. This is one reason why I had Itsuko pay for the drinks in my version of the SOS Brigade's day out, since now Kyonko will remember that day as "Haruki was a jerk, but no harm done" rather than "Haruki was a jerk, causing me actual material loss". It's not logical, but humans (male and female) seldom are.

Ponytail-pulling works just once, for a very short while, before Kyonko recovers from the shock that someone would actually do such a thing. After that, never again.

-

Random: I'm trying to figure out another part of the novels to convert, and I'm kind of drawing a blank. Should I range outside of volume 1? Should I start with what has already been converted by others? How much can I change of the canon before someone cries foul?
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Old 2008-03-11, 07:57   Link #1400
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I frequently venture out of the range of volume 1, heck... even out of the TV broadcast material! I am pretty sure that people will cry spoilsport before they cry foul at me!
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