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greedyspectator · 2012-05-31, 09:26

@Eratas:
Well, I also believe in God, and it does show in my writing, just not in a way that is common.

And yes, I agree with you that senseless sacrifice in heroes is utterly stupid. But then again, it's really difficult to determine whether or not a sacrifice is senseless or has meaning. For example, is a hero sacrificing his life to save a thousand people meaningful? Even though the hero can save ten thousand lives if he lives? It's not black and white. Worse, if he does sacrifice his life to save a thousand, then he his guilty for killing the ten thousand lives he could have saved. Because every time a person he could save yet can't because he's dead, he is indirectly the murderer of that person for not doing anything. The same concept applies to pacifism and aversity to murder in general, Batman is a murderer no less than the Joker, for all the lives the Joker took that Batman could've saved by killing him.

Damn, now I'm going to another tract. Sorry

.

EDIT: @Zero
Well, just my opinion, but Salvation War is horrible. In a literary standpoint, the humans are waaaaaaay too overpowered for the story to be interesting. In the first book, the author wrote that the human coalition nearly lost because they are very close to running out of ammo. Well, just my opinion, but this seems to be the author's half-assed way of trying to make the human coalition victory less than a curb stomp. I don't mind reading literature that contradicts my world view, and in fact I read a lot of them. But in my opinion, Salvation War is just too... boring. I can see the victor from page 1 of the writing.

ZeroXSEED · 2012-05-31, 09:30

Nah, it's okay, this is place for discussion and occasional debates, just be sure not to...ahh, 'enforce' it, like what I did sometimes ago.

Just remember, readers want a story, not a tract.

Eratas123 · 2012-05-31, 09:37

@ Senpai - Another draft. This time focusing more on breaking with words.

Spoiler:

ZeroXSEED · 2012-05-31, 09:43

So.... Irish' enemy is even more psycho now? Poor little dude just can't catch a break, ne?

It more or less return to your favorable monologue: Irish was considerably less 'wordy' and 'emotional' than in IKaron draft, personally, I like the IKaron version because there, irish is less a narrator and more a character, but then again, emotional is not his initial characterization. What a dilemma

EDIT: Oh, and th spoiler tag

Eratas123 · 2012-05-31, 09:46

You don't really have time to be emotional with a psychopath spewing out philosophy at you while your hands are tied to a cinderblock over a cliff. If you have time to be a snarker while this is happening, then you're a fricking champ at what you do.

ZeroXSEED · 2012-05-31, 09:50

^ what I said, it's just a personal opinion after all.

I rarely make differences in writing even if the situation is different, only the words and tone used.

Eratas123 · 2012-05-31, 10:05

@ Senpai - Anyway, here's the next part.

Spoiler:

ZeroXSEED · 2012-05-31, 10:14

And thus the adventure continues

Consistent draft, nothing else I could tell.

Eratas123 · 2012-05-31, 10:18

Wel at this point he's probably going to die. I see no way you can escape a psycopath who has you cornered weaponless when you're injured.

Side note - How do relationships iusually work in the IS verse? Is it radically different from the normal one?

ZeroXSEED · 2012-05-31, 10:32

Unless the girl is really modest and traditional, the guy usually 'whipped' dom type. Not like they're having any chance anyway.

When I post this, I still slapping myself and ask "Dude! What the hell?" I post it anyway

Spoiler for Hand-Eye Coordination Part 1:

Eratas123 · 2012-05-31, 10:35

Ah, the tales of budding romance

Most of the first meetings I write tend to either have ho yay or bad first impressions

ZeroXSEED · 2012-05-31, 10:42

You haven't seen the bad part yet, in Tatenashi's words: "When exactly my dear sister became so bold?". This sentence came from the most fanservicey canon female, mind you. You seriously do not want Kanzashi to emulate certain shoujo mangas.

Eratas123 · 2012-05-31, 10:44

Bold in Kanzashi's words might not mean the same to everybody else. I mean, what's she gonna do? Hold the hell out of his hand?

ZeroXSEED · 2012-05-31, 10:50

In her words "I need another set of hands and eyes, preferably the one with the best coordination and knew what to do, can you provide it?"

Rito was confident, and being him, always try to help anyone whenever he can (provided the person in question not angered him).

And then

She sat on his lap and having him helped her with the adjustment, all the while dressed in I.S. outfit.

Rito's mixed reaction and sloppy job is reasonable, cue heated argument with a decent sexual subtext mixed in

Eratas123 · 2012-05-31, 10:55

Is sitting on someone's lap really that drastic?

ZeroXSEED · 2012-05-31, 10:58

Normally, it's just plain intimate (romantic or platonic), but being shounen at all, lust is always involved in some ways or other, thanks to exaggerated puberty issues.

Eratas123 · 2012-05-31, 10:59

Ah that must be it. I just see it as platonic on my end since I'm used to it.

Anyway, if both Sarashiki's win, it'll be a problem on which kid takes over.

ZeroXSEED · 2012-05-31, 11:03

Mostly cultural thing, really. There's offhand comment form Len about a character (in a porn) avoid kissing while she's, well, a college bicycle. Dan nicely explained it as exaggerated sex myth and the hypocritical, stark contrast between two and two is THE punchline.

I can see the flames of rivalry from miles away

....provided that both parties is really interested

Eratas123 · 2012-05-31, 11:11

Wait. Since Tatenashi's is Ichika's main does that mean he'll have to forgo his surname if they marry?

ZeroXSEED · 2012-05-31, 11:14

Yes or no

Tatenashi probably have to compete with Lala. Like Tate, she is a member of very important family. (OT3 is inevitable in this one

)

2012-05-31, 09:26	Link #31661
greedyspectator Senior Member Join Date: May 2012	@Eratas: Well, I also believe in God, and it does show in my writing, just not in a way that is common. And yes, I agree with you that senseless sacrifice in heroes is utterly stupid. But then again, it's really difficult to determine whether or not a sacrifice is senseless or has meaning. For example, is a hero sacrificing his life to save a thousand people meaningful? Even though the hero can save ten thousand lives if he lives? It's not black and white. Worse, if he does sacrifice his life to save a thousand, then he his guilty for killing the ten thousand lives he could have saved. Because every time a person he could save yet can't because he's dead, he is indirectly the murderer of that person for not doing anything. The same concept applies to pacifism and aversity to murder in general, Batman is a murderer no less than the Joker, for all the lives the Joker took that Batman could've saved by killing him. Damn, now I'm going to another tract. Sorry . EDIT: @Zero Well, just my opinion, but Salvation War is horrible. In a literary standpoint, the humans are waaaaaaay too overpowered for the story to be interesting. In the first book, the author wrote that the human coalition nearly lost because they are very close to running out of ammo. Well, just my opinion, but this seems to be the author's half-assed way of trying to make the human coalition victory less than a curb stomp. I don't mind reading literature that contradicts my world view, and in fact I read a lot of them. But in my opinion, Salvation War is just too... boring. I can see the victor from page 1 of the writing. __________________ “The evil that is in the world almost always comes from ignorance, and good intentions may do as much harm as malevolence if they lack understanding.” ― Albert Camus

2012-05-31, 09:30	Link #31662
ZeroXSEED I am no one Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Inside your head	Nah, it's okay, this is place for discussion and occasional debates, just be sure not to...ahh, 'enforce' it, like what I did sometimes ago. Just remember, readers want a story, not a tract. __________________

2012-05-31, 09:37	Link #31663
Eratas123 Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2011	@ Senpai - Another draft. This time focusing more on breaking with words. Spoiler: POV: Irish Everything felt blurry, head felt like mashed potatoes. Damn it, I should've been more careful. How could I let myself get caught like this? "Did I ever tell you what the definition of insanity is?" The voice sounded familiar. Not pleasant or welcome, but familiar. I was vaguely aware that I was sitting upright and that my hands were tied. Not a good sign. "Insanity is....doing the same....fucking thing, expecting shit to change." He smirked and laughed, "That. Is. Crazy." I didn't answer and just tried to break the ropes. He ignored me and continued speaking. "But the first time somebody told me that....I don't know, I thought they were bullshitting me so...boom, I shot em." He formed his fingers into a fist and mimicked firing a gun, "The thing is.... he was right." He said the last part with a laugh. "And then I started seeing everywhere I looked, all these fucking pricks doing the same thing over and over and over and over and over and over again, thinking 'this time it's going to be different.'" He put his hands up in mock surrender, "Nonononono, please 'this time it's going to be different." He suddenly stopped and glared at me, "I'm sorry, I don't like the way you LOOKING AT ME!" He stood up from his seat and kicked it, "You have a fucking problem in your head, do you think I am bullshitting, you think I'm lying? FUCK YOU!" I had to pull my head back since he was nearly in my face at this point, "Okay? FUCK YOU!" Behind him on the cliff I could see someone kneeling, a cinderblock connected to his hands and legs with a rope. The next moment, he dropped the cinderblock, dragging himself down the cliff into the waters below too. I struggled harder against the ropes, suddenly aware of the implications. He ignored me again and continued to ramble. "It's okay man, I'm gonna chill." He backed away and started pacing back and forth, "Cause you see, the thing is: I killed you once......already, and it's not like I am fucking crazy." He took a deep breath and his voice relaxed, "It's okay, it's water under the bridge..." He leaned in closer again and looked me dead in the eye. "Did I ever tell you the definition of insanity?" He smirked and leaned back, kicking the cinderblock over the cliff. __________________

2012-05-31, 09:43	Link #31664
ZeroXSEED I am no one Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Inside your head	So.... Irish' enemy is even more psycho now? Poor little dude just can't catch a break, ne? It more or less return to your favorable monologue: Irish was considerably less 'wordy' and 'emotional' than in IKaron draft, personally, I like the IKaron version because there, irish is less a narrator and more a character, but then again, emotional is not his initial characterization. What a dilemma EDIT: Oh, and th spoiler tag __________________

2012-05-31, 09:46	Link #31665
Eratas123 Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2011	You don't really have time to be emotional with a psychopath spewing out philosophy at you while your hands are tied to a cinderblock over a cliff. If you have time to be a snarker while this is happening, then you're a fricking champ at what you do. __________________

2012-05-31, 09:50	Link #31666
ZeroXSEED I am no one Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Inside your head	^ what I said, it's just a personal opinion after all. I rarely make differences in writing even if the situation is different, only the words and tone used. __________________

2012-05-31, 10:05	Link #31667
Eratas123 Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2011	@ Senpai - Anyway, here's the next part. Spoiler: Water rushed al around me, making it impossible to breath. The dead bodies of the former victims hung around me, and if I didn't find a way out of this, I was going to join them. Frantically, I struggled as hard as I could against the bonds the water made it slippery so this was the only chance I had. Twik The rope broke and I quickly untied the rope binding my legs before swimming as fast as I could upwards. My lungs felt like bursting and my vision was getting blurry. "haaaahaaa, what the hell?" I took a big gulp of air, every breath felt like it was going to be my last, "I guess he was insane..." I swam to the shore, behind a waterfall, before I spotted someone. "Hey, looks like he's down." Alright, he must think I'm dead. Time to prove him wrong, "Alright, I'll keep a lookout-" He never got to finish his sentnce before I choked him and picked up the knife he was holding. The gun was too heavy. Now to find a way out. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Helicopter, that's what I need." The place was crawling with guys. Some people will work for anyone as long as they get paid. Holding breath, I unsheathed the knife and jumped down to the patrolling sentry. He didn't even have time to blink before the knife pierced his throat. I wiped the blood from my face and kept going, making sure to stay low. I didn't want know how insane the rest of thse guys were; Victor was already too much a blabbermouth already. I smiled when I reached the plane. The pilot was nearly dozing off, perfect. As quiet as I could, I slip the knife against his neck. "Take off!" He jumped and looked back at me, "W-Wha-" "DO IT!" "O-Okay, okay!" The whirring of the helicopter attracted everyone's attention and they started to swarm the place to try and stop me. I grabbed hold of the pilot and pressed the knife against his jugular. "Go faster!" He nodded frantically and raised the copter higher. Finally, it looks like I'm going to get out of her- "RPG incoming!" "What the-" BOOM ---------------------------------------------------- Fire. The smell of fire and smoke pierced my nostrils and made it hard to breath. Vision was red, like blood. "Ahhhh, damn it......" I crawled forward slowly, trying to keep blood loss to a minimum. The pilot was dead, head impaled on a sheet of glass. At least he went quickly. I was vaguely aware of the sound of crushing leaves. Someone was heading this way, and I really doubt it's a friend. I swallowed and tried to move forward again. If I could reach the knife, then I could at least defend myself. As I was about to grab it, a boot stepped in front of me and kicked it away. I didn't even have the energy to glare so I just kept looking down. "..." He grabbed me by the hair and forced me to look up. Vision turned red again and I could taste copper in my mouth. He just smirked. "Did I ever tell you the definition of.....insanity?" __________________

2012-05-31, 10:14	Link #31668
ZeroXSEED I am no one Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Inside your head	And thus the adventure continues Consistent draft, nothing else I could tell. __________________

2012-05-31, 10:18	Link #31669
Eratas123 Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2011	Wel at this point he's probably going to die. I see no way you can escape a psycopath who has you cornered weaponless when you're injured. Side note - How do relationships iusually work in the IS verse? Is it radically different from the normal one? __________________

2012-05-31, 10:32	Link #31670
ZeroXSEED I am no one Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Inside your head	Unless the girl is really modest and traditional, the guy usually 'whipped' dom type. Not like they're having any chance anyway. When I post this, I still slapping myself and ask "Dude! What the hell?" I post it anyway Spoiler for Hand-Eye Coordination Part 1: "This is... inconceivable!" The gadgetry princess mumbled in horror as she read the subsequent pages of the old manga she bought. It was roughly 10 years old, though when she bought it, it's still very much fresh and intact, with double plastic wrapping even. She never knew that older media, pre I.S.-induced revolution, can be seriously obscene. Why? This kind of manga is not strange thing nowadays... except for rating difference. She heard from a source that the censorship boards get stricter in past decade, so that's why... She decided not to read the rest; after all, it’s not her usual reading material. Being a fan of simple anime, with main hero fighting evil organization, saving the world or even pursuing his dream. None of the overcomplicated drama and waste like that, a fiction is supposed to be a fun read. Rustling metal sound disturbed her contemplation and she quickly hid her book, tucked it away under her skirt. Inappropriate she knew, but extremely safe. It was him, the guy with red hair and hazel eyes, carrying a training Raphael unit over his head. Reed Yuuki, more often simply called Rito, was her Class' Representative. Not someone she seriously resent and wanted to avoid, so she just act as indifferent as usual. After all, he was the only one who doesn’t ask anything remotely close to her status as Japan's Cadet Representative or her family. In short, one of the acceptable classmate. "Excuse me" he walked past her with a smile and slightly flushed face, still carrying the 75 kg unit like it was nothing. And that was when the PIC turned on passive setting for convenience's sake; normally I.S. unit is around 750 kg after all. Still, usually the training unit is carried by six people. Apparently, the male students found it as a fun exercise. Though sometimes it’s used by Sasuga-sensei as punishment. Under the form-fitting I.S. outfit, she could see that Rito is a very rugged, a stark contrast to his usual impression, being the shortest of all male students at 162 cm. Though he was taller than most of the girls, the one that she pays attention anyway. "What an indecent thought" she muttered. She blamed it on the manga she posses for giving her… ideas… Her eyes lie on her (still unfinished) custom unit, and wonder how much work required on its construction. Still, if her sister can do it, she has no reason of why she couldn't do it herself. Actually, she has a reason of why she must do it herself. Her sister... Kanzashi erase the thought about her sister as she began to strip off her uniform, revealing I.S. outfit underneath it. Standard model, nothing fancy, she don't like being too striking, more than she is now, it'll brought her unnecessary problem. Eight virtual keyboards, using both hands and feet, up and down. One could say this is normally an insane attempt, but the keyboards themselves were just that, semi-solid holograph. It could be designed to fit any form of operational design according to her own thoughts and capabilities, thanks to [Image Interface System]. That system was at best impractical in real time battle currently, due to its highly experimental nature. During maintenance however, it's a godsend. Kanzashi feels a bit odd, but not enough to express it through facial expression. The bleeping sound of the keyboards reminded her greatly of those ancient sci-fi films from 80s, feels so retro, that is. Except, this time it's real. She sighed, and then made they keyboards emulate the sound of physical button instead, clanking and clicking and all. It made her less distracted, and feels like actually work on something, old habits die hard, eh? After working so much, too little development was shown. Normally, she’s a well-adjusted person, but those problems nearly drove her nuts. “The response is too slow” Since my sister can do it, I can do it too. Such thoughts never entered Kanzashi's mind. But if she couldn't do such a thing, she would feel that she wouldn't be able to catch up to her sister's shadow at all. This inferiority complex was engraved deeply in her. "Core compatibility hasn't increased at all...am I not suitable to...?" “Configure the joints and remove some suspension field generator on the arms, remove the armor skirt; bottom heavy design isn’t good for aerial combat. The legs is fine, you can shed some armor for lighter operation, maybe adding a propulsion or two in place of stabilizing heels” Kanzashi almost felt a jolt on her spine realizing that she has been watched, but still kept her emotionless state, and not looking at the guy bothering her. Kanzashi is not stupid; she knew the basic, even intermediate concept of designing and configuring an I.S. unit, something that most girl of her grade couldn’t accomplish since they haven’t touch career specialization yet. “The recoded equation used in the command lines wasn’t fully suitable for multi-targeting operation, not fast and flexible enough for allocation of the attacks. The Electro-musculature sensor routing is redundant, simplify it for easier control” Kanzashi gasped, for now, she actually made a mistake. Well, less a mistake and more like missed something useful. And he could spot the tiny words form meters apart, his eyes was no longer hazel in color, it was purely golden in appearance, even the pupil is nearly obscured. It’s as if the eyes shone under the dim lighting of the hangar. “Please don’t bother me” There, she was indirectly announcing her defeat. She really wanted to slap her own forehead in disgust, but what’s done is done. “Err… I’m very sorry for the intrusion” he blinked as his eyes turned normal again, Kanzashi wonder what happens, maybe a special genes or something? Or is he actually a humanoid alien? He apologized and bowed several times realizing his rude entrance, very clumsy and awkward guy as usual. Again, he was acceptable compared to the rest. “But you’ve got a point, thanks for reminding me” she said as a matter of fact, and he was satisfied by it, leaving with a small nod. “Oh, and another thing… ummm” his face flushed as he leered a little, and thrown her something “Your hairpin” Kanzashi wonder in all the disbelief, even she already gave up her hairpin, this one wasn’t exactly reflective, bothersome to find in this looming darkness. It wasn't like it's an expensive stuff anyway. Scratch superpower, his eyes are just that good. __________________

2012-05-31, 10:35	Link #31671
Eratas123 Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2011	Ah, the tales of budding romance Most of the first meetings I write tend to either have ho yay or bad first impressions __________________

2012-05-31, 10:42	Link #31672
ZeroXSEED I am no one Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Inside your head	You haven't seen the bad part yet, in Tatenashi's words: "When exactly my dear sister became so bold?". This sentence came from the most fanservicey canon female, mind you. You seriously do not want Kanzashi to emulate certain shoujo mangas. __________________

2012-05-31, 10:44	Link #31673
Eratas123 Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2011	Bold in Kanzashi's words might not mean the same to everybody else. I mean, what's she gonna do? Hold the hell out of his hand? __________________

2012-05-31, 10:50	Link #31674
ZeroXSEED I am no one Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Inside your head	In her words "I need another set of hands and eyes, preferably the one with the best coordination and knew what to do, can you provide it?" Rito was confident, and being him, always try to help anyone whenever he can (provided the person in question not angered him). And then She sat on his lap and having him helped her with the adjustment, all the while dressed in I.S. outfit. Rito's mixed reaction and sloppy job is reasonable, cue heated argument with a decent sexual subtext mixed in __________________

2012-05-31, 10:55	Link #31675
Eratas123 Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2011	Is sitting on someone's lap really that drastic? __________________

2012-05-31, 10:58	Link #31676
ZeroXSEED I am no one Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Inside your head	Normally, it's just plain intimate (romantic or platonic), but being shounen at all, lust is always involved in some ways or other, thanks to exaggerated puberty issues. __________________

2012-05-31, 10:59	Link #31677
Eratas123 Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2011	Ah that must be it. I just see it as platonic on my end since I'm used to it. Anyway, if both Sarashiki's win, it'll be a problem on which kid takes over. __________________

2012-05-31, 11:03	Link #31678
ZeroXSEED I am no one Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Inside your head	Mostly cultural thing, really. There's offhand comment form Len about a character (in a porn) avoid kissing while she's, well, a college bicycle. Dan nicely explained it as exaggerated sex myth and the hypocritical, stark contrast between two and two is THE punchline. I can see the flames of rivalry from miles away ....provided that both parties is really interested __________________

2012-05-31, 11:11	Link #31679
Eratas123 Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2011	Wait. Since Tatenashi's is Ichika's main does that mean he'll have to forgo his surname if they marry? __________________

2012-05-31, 11:14	Link #31680
ZeroXSEED I am no one Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Inside your head	Yes or no Tatenashi probably have to compete with Lala. Like Tate, she is a member of very important family. (OT3 is inevitable in this one ) __________________