Dating

[Darkman.exe213]

Originally Posted by Satomi87

I'm a girl who had a boyfriend and a girlfriend.I currently dating with my girlfriend and I afraid my boyfriend will find out about my girlfriend.What I'm going to do to prevent it from happen?

EDIT: If you read what I posted earlier, nevermind. I thought you were having an affair or something. D:

Just say that your girlfriend is just your friend. I guess you could try to explain the whole thing to your girlfriend and then try to get your ex-boyfriend to understand with time. However, it really depends on how long ago you broke up with your boyfriend.

[Spectacular_Insanity]

So.... the girl I like already has a boyfriend. I am not completely sure as to the strength of said relationship, but I feel as if I would be more compatable. The situation could get complicated. She's a good friend at the moment, so I don't want to risk offending her and risking our friendship. What do I do?

[Vestus]

Originally Posted by Spectacular_Insanity

So.... the girl I like already has a boyfriend. I am not completely sure as to the strength of said relationship, but I feel as if I would be more compatable. The situation could get complicated. She's a good friend at the moment, so I don't want to risk offending her and risking our friendship. What do I do?

"All is fair in love and war"

That quote is incomplete IMHO. It should be "All is fair in love and war, but honor should be of importance".

What I mean is that in love and war all tactics are fair-game, regardless of honor. That much is true. However, I believe (and will probably always believe) that honor should be an important factor in deciding the win-strategy also.

That said, I think you should not say anything directly. I mean if she is important to you, you can hold out right? Just try to develop a close relationship with her w/o giving off the hint that you're reaching for an intimate relationship with her. That way, if she does break up with her boyfriend, you'll be the number one pick.

Also, DO NOT try to break them up / steal her from him. I mean, wouldn't that be considered a hollow victory (if love can be won/lost)? Wouldn't you want a full victory when acquiring her? I would.

However, this is advice given from someone who has no experience in relationships (save that weird-pretend bf/gf relationship I'm currently experiencing right now).

[Ledgem]

Originally Posted by Vestus

That said, I think you should not say anything directly. I mean if she is important to you, you can hold out right? Just try to develop a close relationship with her w/o giving off the hint that you're reaching for an intimate relationship with her. That way, if she does break up with her boyfriend, you'll be the number one pick.

I don't really know about that. If she breaks up with her boyfriend, wouldn't she be in a relative state of trauma? I'd imagine that she'd want her friends to be there for her, and not feel like friends were suddenly trying to shift into other forms of a relationship. On the other hand, depending on the type of person she is, she may be more likely to enter into a relationship with Spectacular_Insanity. But is that really good? That may be a rebound relationship.

As I understand it, rebounds are basically relationships that people run into once a previously stable relationship ends, and it's partially because they don't want to be alone, partially because they're confused, and partially because they're almost suffering withdrawl from just not having someone in an intimate position in their life. The rebound will generally last for however long it takes for the person to get over their previous relationship and realize that they can stand on their own.

I'd imagine that there are plenty of successful relationships that formed out of rebounds, but it does seem a little risky to me. If it were me, I don't think I'd go for it, and I'd mark the girl as off-limits.

[Spectacular_Insanity]

Originally Posted by Ledgem

I don't really know about that. If she breaks up with her boyfriend, wouldn't she be in a relative state of trauma? I'd imagine that she'd want her friends to be there for her, and not feel like friends were suddenly trying to shift into other forms of a relationship. On the other hand, depending on the type of person she is, she may be more likely to enter into a relationship with Spectacular_Insanity. But is that really good? That may be a rebound relationship.

As I understand it, rebounds are basically relationships that people run into once a previously stable relationship ends, and it's partially because they don't want to be alone, partially because they're confused, and partially because they're almost suffering withdrawl from just not having someone in an intimate position in their life. The rebound will generally last for however long it takes for the person to get over their previous relationship and realize that they can stand on their own.

I'd imagine that there are plenty of successful relationships that formed out of rebounds, but it does seem a little risky to me. If it were me, I don't think I'd go for it, and I'd mark the girl as off-limits.

I see what you mean. However, I am not 100% sure of the exact circumstances of their relationship anyway (eg how long they've been together, how they know each other, etc.). Also, I don't want to ask because for one thing I'd probably give myself away (she's not stupid) and not to mention it would just be rude to pry into their realtionship. And heaven knows do not want a rebound relationship. Those always seemed to be to be, well, opportunistic. With regards to the girl I like, it wouldn't be fair to her, I think.

In any case, trying to ruin their relationship would not only probably not get me in her good graces, but I doubt that our friendship would survive such a thing.

I think that unless something huge happens to break them up (which somehow I can't picture, at least in the near future), I won't do anything. At most, I'd have to be there for her, but the idea of using such a situation to my advantage just seems wrong.

Anyway, thanks for the advice, guys. I appreciate it a lot. I think I'm less confused now.

[Supah Em]

Originally Posted by Spectacular_Insanity

So.... the girl I like already has a boyfriend. I am not completely sure as to the strength of said relationship, but I feel as if I would be more compatable. The situation could get complicated. She's a good friend at the moment, so I don't want to risk offending her and risking our friendship. What do I do?

"good things come to those who wait"

[ReizoSan]

Originally Posted by Spectacular_Insanity

So.... the girl I like already has a boyfriend. I am not completely sure as to the strength of said relationship, but I feel as if I would be more compatable. The situation could get complicated. She's a good friend at the moment, so I don't want to risk offending her and risking our friendship. What do I do?

Same boat as me but the thing is me and the girl are really good friends and it could easier turn into a relationship but WONT when she's going out with this guy, just bide your time and get to know her more and go out as friends then it leaves a suttle hint of your intentions without saying it, believe me that day will happen when they break so don't pounce on her when shes just broke up, just be there for her and then when it feels right then hopefully it will work out, this is how it happened for me when it was for a mates friends who i comfated at a party where she got dumped .

[RaizeN]

Ive felt like some girls are out of my league and some waaay above mine but Ive always said yes whit out hesitation... I dont liek to hurt people feelings.

[raikage]

Originally Posted by Satomi87

I'm a girl who had a boyfriend and a girlfriend.I currently dating with my girlfriend and I afraid my boyfriend will find out about my girlfriend.What I'm going to do to prevent it from happen?

Firstly, I'm not sure if your boyfriend would mind all THAT much.

Secondly, either clue them all in, or dump one of them. It's not fair to either, to believe that you're "exclusive" (for a lack of better term) and have that not be the case.

Originally Posted by Spectacular_Insanity

So.... the girl I like already has a boyfriend. I am not completely sure as to the strength of said relationship, but I feel as if I would be more compatable. The situation could get complicated. She's a good friend at the moment, so I don't want to risk offending her and risking our friendship. What do I do?

Try to break them up. Then watch as not only does it not happen, but she cuts you off from her life forever. (May or may not include fists being exchanged with the current boyfriend.)

Or... y'know, wait. Depending on how old you are (the younger = the greater the chance) relationships don't last forever. They'll break up eventually.

Or perhaps just give up. I refer you to the concept of ladder jumping.



It is possible, but not likely to make the jump. It's much more likely that you'll fall into the Abyss of awkwardness.

[Marina]

Originally Posted by raikage

Or perhaps just give up. I refer you to the concept of ladder jumping.



It is possible, but not likely to make the jump. It's much more likely that you'll fall into the Abyss of awkwardness.

Ahhh, the infamous ladder. I quite love this concept and think more guys should pay attn. to it. And yes, the abyss is quite real, I've sent some down there

[Edgewalker]

To add to ladder jumping, You are almost always doomed to abyss if she already has a boyfriend.

You could always be a jack and try to get close to her when you sense that she is on the verge of breaking up with her current BF, but that generally only increases your chances when the girl in question has the IQ of a donut in which case you shouldn't want her as a romance partner anyways.

in other word's: just wait it out, or better yet find someone else.

[Vestus]

Originally Posted by Marina

Ahhh, the infamous ladder. I quite love this concept and think more guys should pay attn. to it. And yes, the abyss is quite real, I've sent some down there

I think the "ladder theory" is a bunch of BS invented by depressed/angry/cynical guys for the sole purpose to excuse their failure from the friend->boyfriend transition so that the true reason would remain hidden.

If it isn't what I stated above, then it's a bunch of BS invented to give girls a reason/excuse to reject their not-so-popular guy friends. So, they can go after the badass/popular guy.
(Who in the long-term will probably get fat and end up with no job. While the nerdy/otaku/etc. guy who got rejected will "pretty" himself [no gay pun intended] because he got rejected and end up with a high-paying job because he actually did good in school. Then, that nerdy/otaku/etc. guy will end up with a nice girl).

"Ladder Theory" aside. If she doesn't go out with you then she fails to see your "potential" (I have a generalization that all nerds/notakus have a great romantic potential) and you should forget about a girl like that because she obviously is into the "hot" guys.

[Demongod86]

LMFAO @ Constructing the ladder...wow I had a good laugh ^_^

[tripperazn]

Originally Posted by Vestus

I think the "ladder theory" is a bunch of BS invented by depressed/angry/cynical guys for the sole purpose to excuse their failure from the friend->boyfriend transition so that the true reason would remain hidden.

If it isn't what I stated above, then it's a bunch of BS invented to give girls a reason/excuse to reject their not-so-popular guy friends. So, they can go after the badass/popular guy.
(Who in the long-term will probably get fat and end up with no job. While the nerdy/otaku/etc. guy who got rejected will "pretty" himself [no gay pun intended] because he got rejected and end up with a high-paying job because he actually did good in school. Then, that nerdy/otaku/etc. guy will end up with a nice girl).

"Ladder Theory" aside. If she doesn't go out with you then she fails to see your "potential" (I have a generalization that all nerds/notakus have a great romantic potential) and you should forget about a girl like that because she obviously is into the "hot" guys.

As someone who has actually survived a jump myself, I can pretty much assure you that a lot of Ladder Theory is valid. I've never experienced the abyss first-hand, but one guy is in it right now, it ain't pretty.

[Spectacular_Insanity]

Originally Posted by Demongod86

LMFAO @ Constructing the ladder...wow I had a good laugh ^_^

Oh good, then it wasn't just me. I know this is supposed to be a serious discussion and all, but "The Abyss" just struck me as hilarious.

[Marina]

Originally Posted by Vestus

I think the "ladder theory" is a bunch of BS invented by depressed/angry/cynical guys for the sole purpose to excuse their failure from the friend->boyfriend transition so that the true reason would remain hidden.

If it isn't what I stated above, then it's a bunch of BS invented to give girls a reason/excuse to reject their not-so-popular guy friends. So, they can go after the badass/popular guy.
(Who in the long-term will probably get fat and end up with no job. While the nerdy/otaku/etc. guy who got rejected will "pretty" himself [no gay pun intended] because he got rejected and end up with a high-paying job because he actually did good in school. Then, that nerdy/otaku/etc. guy will end up with a nice girl).

"Ladder Theory" aside. If she doesn't go out with you then she fails to see your "potential" (I have a generalization that all nerds/notakus have a great romantic potential) and you should forget about a girl like that because she obviously is into the "hot" guys.

It's not BS if it's sadly true. And just b/c a guy is good-looking does not mean in anyway that he'll end up "fat w/ no job," nor does it mean that he's "popular." That just sounds like a jealous prediction. There are a lot of potentially good-looking guys who are not popular b/c of the way they dress or how they act around others (shy, withdrawn, EMO). I have no qualms with nerdy guys since I find them more interesting, but there's no harm in a good-looking nerdy guy, is there? If not good-looking, then at least clean. Why do girls so often avoid "nerds?" B/c they've run across too many that look like they slept in their clothes for a week and just look questionably creepy. Clean, please! Also, most girls do look at the personality, it's the guys who are usually physically oriented. But of course girls are still going to be drawn by looks first, physical attraction is key to a point. A relationship will have a hard time progressing if you have no physical desire for your partner.
Your thought that "all nerds/notakus have a great romantic potential" is true to a certain extent since you could say the same thing about almost ANY type of guy. You can't just pin that to one type, people don't work so predictably.
All a guy can do is have a clean presentation, a friendly personality, and the key points of honesty, dependability, and the ability to communicate. I'd notice any guy like that whether he's handsome or not: just a "good" guy, and if the girl is worth it she'll notice as well.

[ReizoSan]

Originally Posted by RaizeN

Ive felt like some girls are out of my league and some waaay above mine but Ive always said yes whit out hesitation... I dont liek to hurt people feelings.

No one is out of your league apart from celebrities, i would just clean up (so shave yourself and don;t let your hair grow too long keep it short and maybe change your appearance of what you wear, don't be like a guy at college who just wears this one dragon shirt every day and hes always in the same clothes, just buy some cool skating gear, then don;t be nervous that is key i find it real easy to talk to women it comes naturally to me so its harder for other people but just talk to them and ask some sensible questions and statements, there must be a good guide on how to chat girls up somewhere on the internet, if not then just improvise, and be nice.
But still if you think they are too high look down a bit there is always the perfect type of girl somewhere around you.

[Vestus]

Originally Posted by Marina

It's not BS if it's sadly true. And just b/c a guy is good-looking does not mean in anyway that he'll end up "fat w/ no job," nor does it mean that he's "popular." That just sounds like a jealous prediction. There are a lot of potentially good-looking guys who are not popular b/c of the way they dress or how they act around others (shy, withdrawn, EMO). I have no qualms with nerdy guys since I find them more interesting, but there's no harm in a good-looking nerdy guy, is there? If not good-looking, then at least clean. Why do girls so often avoid "nerds?" B/c they've run across too many that look like they slept in their clothes for a week and just look questionably creepy. Clean, please! Also, most girls do look at the personality, it's the guys who are usually physically oriented. But of course girls are still going to be drawn by looks first, physical attraction is key to a point. A relationship will have a hard time progressing if you have no physical desire for your partner.
Your thought that "all nerds/notakus have a great romantic potential" is true to a certain extent since you could say the same thing about almost ANY type of guy. You can't just pin that to one type, people don't work so predictably.
All a guy can do is have a clean presentation, a friendly personality, and the key points of honesty, dependability, and the ability to communicate. I'd notice any guy like that whether he's handsome or not: just a "good" guy, and if the girl is worth it she'll notice as well.

I see your point, and I still see the ladder theory as a valid theory. I still think it's BS though since I've seen people jump from the bottom of the friendship ladder to the top of the romantic potential ladder (A girl made that jump for me).

However, that's besides the point. In dating/relationships, one shouldn't care about the ladder theory. Because in the end, if the girl/guy doesn't notice you, then he/she isn't worth your time (assuming you're a good girl/guy and you've tried your best).

In the end, what I'm trying to say is that ladder theory on applies to people who don't notice your romantic potential (again, assuming you're a girl/guy and you've tried your best), and therefore shouldn't be worth your time.

(Sry, about the little rant, the ladder theory pisses me off since my bestfriend got caught up in it and thought the girl wouldn't "say yes" because of the "ladder theory". Even though the girl really wanted him to ask her out.)

[Fome]

Well the ladder theory certainly has it's exceptions. But I think it holds true for the vast majority of people, at least in the USA. Like Vestus mentions, if you are capable of seeing the exceptions, then you don't need the ladder theory. It's more for people who are inexperienced and interpret "friendly" gestures as "romantic" ones.

[Ledgem]

I don't know whether the ladder theory is true or not. The discussion going on around it points out an important concept, though: everyone is unique, everyone is an individual. We're all human and thus we all follow somewhat similar behavioral patterns to a certain extent, but if love and relationships were a science that could be explained by such simple theories I don't think there'd be so much anxiety and uncertainty surrounding it.

Pay attention to theories and advice, but in the end remember that you and the other person are unique individuals. Your relationship may be similar to those of others in certain ways and to a certain extent, but there are aspects about it that will not be found in any other relationship. Keep it in mind.