Chapter 7 – Winter, and then…
[Flere821’s translation starts]
December 5th.
While it is still late autumn… as much as I’d like to think that, the seasons change very quickly. During the day there might be not a cloud in the sky, by night the temperature lowers to freezing. Suddenly the cold gather their forces and attack the streets.
Winter.
The season called that will be arriving – no, it probably is already here. I think as I endure the freezing wind touching my skin – it’s December 5th.
Today is a special day for me.
Fuyutsuki Kanade. That’s my name.
Today, I confessed to Jiro-kun.
No… rather, it should be ‘I finally confessed’.
I’ve already made up my mind to endure, made up my mind to not be so naïve anymore, made up my mind to stick to my decision and say farewell…
In the end, I still couldn’t hold it in.
-- Farewell, Jiro-kun.
During October when we went to the amusement park, that’s what I had said to him.
That should have been the end.
Because of letting Jiro-kun being a servant at the mansion I had enjoyed a time of happiness. Well, I did turn back to a 8-year-old to make that time even happier though.
Satisfaction.
I had to be that way to get satisfaction.
I had had to say farewell to Jiro-kun.
August 31st.
Last day of summer vacation.
I had already decided.
Konoe Subaru.
My butler, and my best friend.
For the sake of the person that’s most important to me.
For her I had decided to sacrifice my own feelings.
Due to that, during September I had continually suppressed my feelings to help her.
For example, when I wrote a manual to allow Subaru who’s inexperienced to get closer to Jiro-kun, when he due to a unfortunate accident losing his home I hired him as a butler to close the difference between him and Subaru, to not let Jiro-kun won over by Usami-san I moved over next door to her… though I’m not really in a position to say this, I’ve really done a lot.
And the height of all that is the Fuyutsuki Revolution.
That incident called this name by everyone at school.
That time, Usami-san was saying she was going out with Jiro-kun, so I made that idiotic declaration I’m also going out with Subaru.
All that was to make Jiro-kun focus on Subaru.
I thought if the scenario had changed into I was going out with Subaru, then Jiro-kun might take certain actions.
Thinking back, I really was anxious.
A declaration of love between me and Subaru.
To have been forced to used that unsubtle method, I must have been at my wit’s end.
But – all that was ultimately meaningless.
I didn’t even consider at that crucial moment Subaru would reject Jiro-kun’s confession.
A miscalculation.
A huge miscalculation.
I truly, truly want to make it that those things have never happened.
I want to finish everything.
“–”
Ahh, yes.
Then we can just conclude here.
Okay, thank you everyone, for supporting this series.
Our story ends here. Though it is always sad when it is time for farewells, don’t worry; we’ll always live in everyone’s hearts. Never forget that.
Okay everyone, may we meet again.
Farewell.
“What is that…”
There’s no way the story will end this plainly.
The story is still continuing.
It still needs to continuing.
At least, we’re still alive.
“… Excuse me, ojou-sama.”
The door to the bedroom is opened, and in came a silhouette wearing a butler’s attire. Sparkling hair, clear eyes, tall and slim physique, and a face as exquisite as a doll’s.
Konoe Subaru.
She looked tensely at me.
“Subaru. Where’s Jiro-kun?”
“As ojou-sama ordered, sent to the hospital. But is this really alright?”
“Ara, you mean how I sent Ichigo along with Jiro-kun? Maa, this is alright occasionally, isn’t it? I thought sending someone with him is better than him going alone, and Jiro-kun and Ichigo should take this chance to build a better relationship.”
Yes – after that confession, I had Jiro-kun go to the hospital without accepting any arguments. In reality, his hand seems to be wounded quite deeply, so he needs to go and get it treated immediately. Therefore, I ordered Ichigo to half-forcibly take him to the hospital.
So – I haven’t asked.
The reply to the confession I gave him –
“–”
–– No, that’s not it.
Rather than say I didn’t get to ask -
“Kana-chan.”
A alto that shivered and sounded like it was difficultly wrung out.
That stunned me slightly.
‘Kana-chan’.
Subaru would actually call me that without me ordering her to do so.
“Kana-chan. I have something I need to apologise to you for.”
“…”
“Because… Kana-chan, you… Kana-chan, you…”
You love Jiro, right?
That alto sounded like it was wrung out of her.
But, she’s not crying.
She’s holding back her tears with all her might and continued her words.
“I’m sorry… If I had noticed sooner… if at the last day of summer vacation I didn’t come asking you for help…”
“…”
“So, you’ve been in pain all this time right? Kana-chan loves Jiro, but still helps me get closer to Jiro… I didn’t know anything yet I’m getting coddled by you… I didn’t know that Kana-chan… Kana-chan was going through such troubles and I… I…”
“… Subaru,”
Enough.
I said as I hugged her.
Softly… and firmly.
“S… stop, Kana-chan. To me, I don’t have the right to be embraced by Kana-chan. All I do is be a burden to Kana-chan-”
“Don’t worry about that. The me right now wants to hug you, and so I’m doing that. Compared to that, Subaru, when did you realise what I really felt? When did that happen?”
“That’s… Kureha-chan said that.”
“Kureha-chan?”
“Mm. It’s after Kana-chan collapsed at the mansion, she said that in front of me and Jiro and Usami. ‘Onee-sama, isn’t she in love with nii-san?’, she said.”
“…”
… So that’s it.
I can finally solve this puzzle.
It’s really incredible. How Subaru found out about what I really felt. And – why Usami-san would let Jiro-kun and Kureha-chan to live with her at her home.
Everything was because of that sentence.
I love Jiro-kun.
If Kureha-chan hadn’t said something like that Subaru wouldn’t have been conflicted, and Usami-san wouldn’t have tried to have Jiro-kun be distanced from me. Because of that sentence, everything had gone off track.
But, that doesn’t mean I can blame Kureha-chan.
That child didn’t do this out of malicious intent. If we get down to it I’m also to blame for not foreseeing that child’s actions. In addition -
“…”
Rather, I want to thank Kureha-chan.
Because, if that child hadn’t say anything, I would have for the rest of my life suppressed my own feelings.
“… Subaru,” I said as I gently embraced my butler.
“You’ve been through a lot too. You’ve been troubled all this time, right?
“… N,no. Compared to me, Kana-chan you have been even more…”
“Hm-mm (TN: SFX for shaking head or disagreement). That’s not the case. Because, you had rejected Jiro-kun’s confession.”
That’s right – Subaru was in pain too.
After knowing my feelings, the daily life of this child must have been hellish.
Because, Subaru loves me.
As a butler and as a friend, this child loves me. We’ve been together since we are self-aware. That much is obvious.
Can you imagine? Just what kind of situation it is when your own mistress and friend ending up loving the same person as you are. And, that friend is working hard to pave the road for your love to succeed, while she herself is suppressing her own feelings to not be found out by others. If you had known that then it would definitely be painful.
Subaru must have been troubled as well.
That’s why she rejected Jiro-kun’s confession at the amusement park -
“—”
However, the incident didn’t get settled due to that.
In contrast, it got even worse.
However, no matter who it was they would meet this situation. What appeared to be a good thing was interrupted by a unexpectedly bad outcome, and developed into the worst case scenario.
Thinking back, after that trip to the amusement park Subaru and Jiro-kun has noticeably grown farther apart, and my own relations with Subaru has become abnormal. Then, in this increasingly worsening situation it slowly became hard to even move.
So, I can’t say this is all this child’s fault.
Just like how I was in pain, Subaru was going through difficult times too. Because of that Subaru needed someone to coddle her.
But now, Subaru is facing me like this.
She doesn’t want to be coddled anymore.
Holding back her tears, and tried her hardest to face me.
For the Subaru before this is too much. At least for the child that was coddled it was impossible.
So Subaru mustered all her courage and told me everything.
Just that alone is enough to make me -
“… Kana-chan?”
Subaru looked at my face.
At this moment, a warm feeling is felt on my face.
Tears.
Before I knew it a line of tears flowed down of eyes.
“… I’m sorry, Subaru.”
I apologised in tears.
That’s right, I need to apologise.
Because – I had already promised when summer ended.
I’ve already said I’ll help Subaru… but before anyone knew I was the one that drove Subaru into a corner.
Mistress and butler.
It’s because she’s my butler – and at the same time my important friend, that after Subaru knew my feelings she’s been in pain -
“Hm-mm. I’m the one, that needs to apologise. Because… Kana-chan is hurting a thousand times more than I was. I was just being coddled by the kind Kana-chan all this time.”
I’m sorry, Kana-chan.
Subaru said as she held by back tightly.
It’s warm.
My skin can feel her warm body temperature.
And the ‘ba-dump ba-dump’ beating of her heart -
“---”
-- Ahh.
That’s a relief.
Though a lot has happened, With this everything has gone back to normal.
Mistress and Butler.
Fuyutsuki Kanade and Konoe Subaru.
-- This was what I has after all this time.
We’re back to how she as a butler is also at the same time my friend that can speak frankly with me.
So, I definitely am alright.
Lack of trust.
Usami-san was telling the truth. I’m really not good at trusting others.
I probably didn’t say this to Jiro-kun just then, the reason I’m doing this – it was back when school started.
I’m special at the school.
As the school Director’s granddaughter and the only child of the Fuyutsuki family.
A ojou-sama.
A girl with a custom uniform, and has a butler named Subaru.
Before I even noticed it, I felt a pressure. No – rather than ‘felt’, it’s more accurate to say I was crushed.
In the eyes of strangers, there’s only the graceful Fuyutsuki Kanade.
So, I couldn’t trust anyone.
Because only be doing so can I be happy.
Always wear a mask of a model student, continue to be a ojou-sama like everyone expects you to be, that’s how I have lived.
Then after some time…
I became afraid of others discovering the face under the mask.
It wasn’t like this to begin with, but before I knew it I was afraid of taking off my mask. Afraid of showing my true self.
I became unable to trust others.
Inversely, I hoped and hoped someone will be able to see who I really am under the mask.
In the increasingly fake normal life I started to yearn for someone that can listen to how I really feel. Like a traveller lost in the desert craving for a oasis.
So I became friends with Jiro-kun.
Because I yearned for someone that can listen to how I really feel – I wanted a friend.
Luckily, I was happy when I was with Jiro-kun.
Yes, the reason that I became friends with Jiro-kun wasn’t just because I wanted someone to see me for who I really am.
Boredom.
Since I like happy and interesting things, my biggest enemy is boredom.
And he was able to wipe away all the boredom.
There’s always interesting and strange troubles around him, and I enjoyed those incidents.
Then – occasionally, I’d see him show off a cool side of him.
Ahh.
That’s right.
That’s why I ended up loving him.
“—”
Yes.
So, I need to bring a end to this.
“Subaru.”
I slowly pushed her away, and asked.
“As a girl, you love Jiro-kun right?”
“…”
Silence.
Maybe it’s because she’s troubled by this overly-direct question, Subaru went silent.
But, even if I didn’t ask I already know the answer.
-- It is a obvious answer.
Subaru loves Jiro-kun.
That is clear.
In addition, the Subaru right now should be able to say it clearly.
If it is this child that doesn’t just get coddled.
If it’s this child that can hold back her tears and face me directly.
She would definitely speak her feelings clearly.
Because of that -
“I love Jiro-kun.”
I said succinctly.
Yes – we need bring this to a conclusion between us.
In those romance comedy novels and gal-games there seem to be a harem end, but we might not be able to settle this peacefully like that.
Everyone peacefully getting along with one another.
Maybe that’s a very happy ending.
Maybe a end with everyone together would be happy.
Just like there’s countless Cinderella plays. For example, it’s like at a race at the sports festival everyone runs to the end holding hands. There’re no winners or losers there. A ending as sweet as desserts.
But, that is not guaranteed to be the case.
Because, this is reality and not a game.
Maybe there will be those among us that won’t be able to obtain happiness.
But, even so we need to bring this to a end between the three of us.
Konoe Subaru.
Fuyutsuki Kanade.
And -
“Ne,
what does Usami-san think over there?”
After that seemingly natural sentence, Subaru went “Eh?” and turned towards the bedroom door.
Then, the door slowly opened.
A girl with twin-tails and looks stubborn stepped in.
Usami Masamune.
She looked tensely at me and Subaru.
“Wha… Why is Usami here?”
Subaru was shocked by this sudden situation.
But, I’m different.
Because, no matter how much I try to hide it, I was the one that called her here. Though I haven’t told Subaru, when I said to send Jiro-kun to the hospital I gave Usami a text. In it I said the front door’s not locked, can you please come to my room.
This is the first time Usami-san has been here. She probably sensed us talking and came over to this room.
So, she probably have heard.
To conversation between me and Subaru up until just then -
“Answer me, Usami-san.”
I asked her calmly.
Silence.
After a short time later -
“I’m… the same.”
That’s all she said.
“I’m just like you two… I love baka-chikin.”
“… Is that so. Thanks for your honest answer, Usami-san. Also… Have you noticed it yet?”
“… Noticed what?”
“Ara, wasn’t it obvious? That Subaru is a girl.”
“…?! O-ojou-sama!” Subaru yelled.
Maa, well it wasn’t for no reason.
For this crossdressing butler exposing her secret in front of others is a life-or-death matter. If that ever happened this child will no longer be able to be my butler.
But – there’s no problem here.
Because -
“—As I thought.”
Usami-san muttered with a expression that said all her questions are answered.
“I’ve been wondering if this was the case.”
“Wha-”
Subaru’s shocked.
I was about to compliment her on the expected answer, my butler then asked for me:
“When did you find out?”
“It began when Baka-chikin started to live with me. The way he treats Subaru-sama… How do I put this, it felt like instead of he’s talking to a boy it’s more like he’s talking to a girl. Then, after hearing your conversation it all became clear.”
“—You love Jiro-kun
as a girl, right?”
Yes, that’s what I asked Subaru earlier. And Usami should have heard that conversation when she listened in front of my room.
“The reasons why Subaru-sama is pretending to be a boy… I don’t want to hear them. There’s probably some complicated reasoning for it right? Judging from Subaru-sama’s expression this seems to be the case.”
“That’s right. There’s a important reason why Subaru is crossdressing to be a butler. Since it’s a secret, Usami-san, can you keep it a secret as well?”
“… Sure. The me in the past notwithstanding, the me right now can keep secrets.”
“Come to think of it, the you in the past loved Subaru as a member of the opposite gender right?”
“… That’s in the past. It’s different now, because –”
Because I love Baka-chikin.
She stated clearly.
“Besides, I don’t like a half-baked conclusion either. I want see my feelings through to the end.”
She gripped the edges of her skirt and said stubbornly.
… Really, typical of Usami-san.
Though she normally seem to have a awkward personality, maybe ultimately she’s just a clumsy and straightforward girl. If that wasn’t the case she couldn’t have said what she just did then.
“Understood, Usami-san. Subaru, I’ll ask you again: What do you feel?”
I asked my butler directly.
This is a rather cruel questioning.
Mistress and butler.
Taking our relationship into account, this is a mean-hearted and cruel interrogation.
I’ve already said I know the answer.
I know full well Subaru likes Jiro-kun.
But -
“I…”
That’s right.
There’s meaning for her to speak those words with her own mouth.
“I love Jiro.”
Subaru said without any doubt in her.
She said that seriously, looking into my eyes – the eyes of her mistress.
The her before – when she was still lost and conflicted, she would not have been capable of doing this.
Now, the stage is set.
Winter.
Like how the seasons are changing from autumn to winter, our story is also surely reaching the end.
Yes, we need to bring this to a conclusion.
We can’t dance on this prepared stage forever.
Konoe Subaru.
Fuyutsuki Kanade.
Usami Masamune.
I’ll say it again.
Maybe, not everyone will obtain happiness in the end. Even so, we need to see our feelings through to the end.
To put a conclusion for our own feelings.
We have no idea what the ending that waits for us would be.
This isn’t a game, it’s reality.
What awaits us could be a dream-like happy ending, or a cruel and unreasonable nightmare-like ending.
That’s what reality is like.
Even so –
We won’t stop moving forward.
Because we’ve already confessed our feelings.
We’ve already made up our minds.
Like what Usami-san had just said, we don’t wish for a half-baked conclusion and see our love through to the end.
Yes, no matter what conclusion is waiting for us it won’t stop us walking.
Because –
We will no longer lose our way.
*end Volume 10*
2012-02-04, 15:52
).
Maybe the site got offline or something yesterday?
Anyway it's best too let him do things at his own pace.
