Dating

[Samari]

Originally Posted by Fome

Ever feel like the girl/guy you like is way out of your league?

That's what i thought.

I can't believe she said yes, and without hesitation.

I'm the happiest guy alive.

Yes, i'm being a stupid romantic.

Yes, all the time. Like I'm up against the world. I remember during my high school prom when I asked out a gorgeous girl and she said "yes". I honestly thought she was going to say "no", because she was like "Well, I've thought about it and..." I was preparing for the decline, but things worked out.

[ChibiMenos]

Originally Posted by Ledgem

If a girl ignores you as a result, I wouldn't consider it to mean that she's a bad person. We'd need a girl's opinion on this here, but I'd imagine that they'd be ignoring out of feeling awkward or perhaps even bad/guilty about having rejected you. It could also mean that they were weirded out by you (my sister has had an experience like that and never wanted to see the guy again), but presuming that you're a fine person and all that, I'd presume it's more along the lines of being unsure of how to act, being unsure of what your inner feelings are at having been rejected, or perhaps even just trying to sort out her own feelings. Don't go assuming the worst

That sounds about right to me--not that I can speak for all girls, but for me, rejecting someone else has always been much worse that being rejected myself. If I get rejected, I can get over it pretty easily (even if getting over it often involves several hours of chick flicks and sugary foods). On the other hand, if I'm the one doing the rejecting, I tend to start worrying about the guy's feelings, or thinking that he might try again, and get very shy and nervous around him. It usually ends up being easiest for me to avoid him altogether, or to only interact with him in the context of work or classes. There was this one guy who asked me to a dance our church was putting on when I was 14--even though I didn't like him at all, I felt really bad about turning him down, and stayed away from him for about a year. (Incidentally, we ended up being really good friends eventually, and even dated for a couple of months before I left for college in the middle of August. First impressions aren't everything, I guess.)

Anyway, I guess the whole avoidance thing is part of how girls are much less direct with communication than guys; we'll go out of our way to avoid causing trouble or embarrasment for anyone (at least, trouble as we percieve it), and often won't fully explain ourselves. I guess in the end that can lead to even more hurt feelings, though.

[Marina]

Huh, well, I'm a girl and I've never had any problem with turning a guy down. If I know I don't feel the same way, then by saying 'no', you're saving him a lot of heartache. He wouldn't want to date someone who doesn't really care about him the same way he feels about her, and by letting him know that this particular girl is off-limits, then he can stop limiting himself to one and open himself up to more possibilities that are assuredly better for him. And the avoidance thing? I find that cowardly and a guy who usually has the balls to tell me he likes me usually is someone that I'm friends with and would never want to ruin a friendship with. So, kindly turn them away, brutally if they're too persistent, but don't insult him by ignoring or avoiding, because he worked hard to let you know how much he likes you.
The only kind of guys that I will avoid at all costs are the ones I let too close as a friend or other and they turn around and backstab you and then expect you to welcome them with open arms later. Same thing goes for ex-boyfriends, I generally stay friends with them after, but the unlucky one who does the unforgivable forever gets written off my radar. Happily though now, I'm with someone I've been dating for 2 years now, so I haven't had any recent love trouble

[ChibiMenos]

Well, I never said that the way I handle things is at all good, just that that's how it is for me. :P And I know a couple of girls who have similar reactions...though in one case at least, running away from all males is certainly justifiable... (Not going to get into that here, though.) Maybe it comes from a lack of experience, or the fact that my guy friends aren't usually the sort who'd even think of asking me out--I'm more like an extra little sister. The inner workings of the male brain are still a mystery to me...

[Black_Rose]

Dudes..... that never happened to me before besides dont think like that.
Id be happy which also proves that your in the same league as him/her
Do positive thoughts and carry on with your life. If they like you then definately why not?
Besides pople come and go in yur life any way Married or not.And it really doesnt matter about your look when if it was your personality that atracted Him/Her......

[Darkman.exe213]

I'm in a bit of a dilemma. I still like someone that I don't see very often, but I can't keep in touch with her, either. I recently found her MySpace by accident(yeah, lots of stuff happened there...), but I don't know if I should talk to her via MySpace.(remember, she doesn't know I found her MySpace) Any suggestions?

My love life is a wreck right now, I know.

[Li Jianliang]

Just talk. Online communication is lot easier than real life and it's totally up to the recipient to interpret the tone of the message.

I wonder what having an ex feels like. I've been dating for over 3.5 years with my first love and we're still together, despite living on opposite sides of the coast and in different countries (US + Canada). The biggest difficulty so far has been the time zone difference (3 hours).

I hear other people saying that one should get out and date around to experience various people from all walks of life, but I don't know if that's a good idea for me...

[Samari]

Originally Posted by Darkman.exe213

I'm in a bit of a dilemma. I still like someone that I don't see very often, but I can't keep in touch with her, either. I recently found her MySpace by accident(yeah, lots of stuff happened there...), but I don't know if I should talk to her via MySpace.(remember, she doesn't know I found her MySpace) Any suggestions?

My love life is a wreck right now, I know.

Sounds like we're in the same boat. From my experience, I don't know if I would contact the person that way. They might take it the wrong way or something. I guess if the person knows you a little then it's okay.

[ChibiMenos]

So, here's a question for you peoples with more understanding of guys than me. (I have three brothers, and yet I fail...)

There's this guy--he's in my DnD group, we like the same anime, we're both nuts about Firefly/Serenity, he's smart and hilariously funny... needless to say, we get along quite well. He's been really nice, too, offering me rides to and from Quark events (the scifi-fantasy-gaming-anime club at our school), and inviting me to go trick or treating with him... heh, that was fun, and we took along his niece so we wouldn't get quite so funny looks from the people handing out candy. XD I've thought a couple of times about asking him him out (because I prefer to do that rather than wait around for the guy to ask, it's more fair anyway). Just to a movie or something. But here's my problem: I'm not sure what he thinks about me--whether he only sees me as a friend. Sometimes I'm sure he doesn't, but then he'll do something like try and get me hooked on Guitar Hero (it worked, btw)...which seems like more of a just wants to be friends thing to me. Anyway, I definitely don't want to scare him off or anything... <.< So, any advice on what to look for while I'm trying to figure this out?

[Darkman.exe213]

Originally Posted by bluejazz87

Sounds like we're in the same boat. From my experience, I don't know if I would contact the person that way. They might take it the wrong way or something. I guess if the person knows you a little then it's okay.

She and I are good friends. Thanks for the advice, guys.

Originally Posted by ChibiMenos

So, here's a question for you peoples with more understanding of guys than me. (I have three brothers, and yet I fail...)

There's this guy--he's in my DnD group, we like the same anime, we're both nuts about Firefly/Serenity, he's smart and hilariously funny... needless to say, we get along quite well. He's been really nice, too, offering me rides to and from Quark events (the scifi-fantasy-gaming-anime club at our school), and inviting me to go trick or treating with him... heh, that was fun, and we took along his niece so we wouldn't get quite so funny looks from the people handing out candy. XD I've thought a couple of times about asking him him out (because I prefer to do that rather than wait around for the guy to ask, it's more fair anyway). Just to a movie or something. But here's my problem: I'm not sure what he thinks about me--whether he only sees me as a friend. Sometimes I'm sure he doesn't, but then he'll do something like try and get me hooked on Guitar Hero (it worked, btw)...which seems like more of a just wants to be friends thing to me. Anyway, I definitely don't want to scare him off or anything... <.< So, any advice on what to look for while I'm trying to figure this out?

I'd say just ask him out to a movie or something. Even if he doesn't like you back, you could say you're asking him out as a friend.

But then again, I don't know much about dating, so you might want a second opinion on the matter.

[Marina]

Originally Posted by ChibiMenos

So, here's a question for you peoples with more understanding of guys than me. (I have three brothers, and yet I fail...)

There's this guy--he's in my DnD group, we like the same anime, we're both nuts about Firefly/Serenity, he's smart and hilariously funny... needless to say, we get along quite well. He's been really nice, too, offering me rides to and from Quark events (the scifi-fantasy-gaming-anime club at our school), and inviting me to go trick or treating with him... heh, that was fun, and we took along his niece so we wouldn't get quite so funny looks from the people handing out candy. XD I've thought a couple of times about asking him him out (because I prefer to do that rather than wait around for the guy to ask, it's more fair anyway). Just to a movie or something. But here's my problem: I'm not sure what he thinks about me--whether he only sees me as a friend. Sometimes I'm sure he doesn't, but then he'll do something like try and get me hooked on Guitar Hero (it worked, btw)...which seems like more of a just wants to be friends thing to me. Anyway, I definitely don't want to scare him off or anything... <.< So, any advice on what to look for while I'm trying to figure this out?

Well, a lot of the stuff you're describing sounds like it could go either way: either he just wants to be friends, or he really is wanting something more. When he does said activities with you, is it just the two of you most of the time, or does he invite others? Is he similarly courteous with other girls when giving rides, or just with you? Guys are typically easy to read when it comes to figuring out if they like you or not, just check out his body signals. When you sit down, how close do you sit? When you walk together, how close does he walk to you? Do you ever notice him looking at you longer than usual, and when you turn your head, does he suddenly whip his head back and pretend he wasn't looking? It won't hurt to ask him out, a lot of guys these days find it refreshing to have a girl who makes the first move, especially one who seems cool and plays video games, the perfect girlfriend material! And if you really do think he likes you, then go ahead and ask him what he thinks about you as "more than just a friend" and gauge his reaction. If it's no, then that's fine, you didn't do anything embarassing that would ruin a friendship, if it's a yes, then you'll congratulate yourself for initiating the relationship.

[ChibiMenos]

Originally Posted by Marina

Well, a lot of the stuff you're describing sounds like it could go either way: either he just wants to be friends, or he really is wanting something more. When he does said activities with you, is it just the two of you most of the time, or does he invite others? Is he similarly courteous with other girls when giving rides, or just with you? Guys are typically easy to read when it comes to figuring out if they like you or not, just check out his body signals. When you sit down, how close do you sit? When you walk together, how close does he walk to you? Do you ever notice him looking at you longer than usual, and when you turn your head, does he suddenly whip his head back and pretend he wasn't looking? It won't hurt to ask him out, a lot of guys these days find it refreshing to have a girl who makes the first move, especially one who seems cool and plays video games, the perfect girlfriend material! And if you really do think he likes you, then go ahead and ask him what he thinks about you as "more than just a friend" and gauge his reaction. If it's no, then that's fine, you didn't do anything embarassing that would ruin a friendship, if it's a yes, then you'll congratulate yourself for initiating the relationship.

Yeah, usually it's just the two of us, except for stuff where it has to be a group, like DnD. And he actually doesn't seem to pay much attention to other girls. He did say something odd the other night... something about being courteous being a new thing for him? Not sure what he meant by that, though. He's been opening doors and stuff for me, except when I make it to the door first, so maybe that's what he meant.

But on Halloween after we finished trick or treating we rented a movie and went back to my grandma's house (where I am staying for school) to watch it. My cousin Chris was there, and while I was getting the popcorn and stuff ready, they were talking...Chris was saying something about how he somehow only attracts the really crazy girls, then Jon said that he didn't seem to attract anyone at all...a little bit later he added that he didn't really care because he wasn't looking for anything like that right now. Which makes me think "just friends" again.

Then again, when we grabbed dinner at Panda Express for dinner last night, he asked if it was okay for him to pay...he knows how independant I am, lol. I told him it was fine, on the condition that I got to pay next time. He seemed happy about that....but if he just cared about the money, he could easily have said nothing and I would have bought my own dinner to begin with.

Maybe he's just as confused as I am.

I'm gonna try asking him out... I think I'll check and see if there are any good movies showing around here. That's always the least-scary option for me... "hey, have you seen this movie, I heard it was really good"...heh.

[Loli Gurl]

I hope everything works out for you ChibiMenos.

I like this boy that's in my class. I don't know if he likes me or not. He sits near me in class. Sometimes before the bell rings he stand up and waits facing in my direction. And in the corner of my eye I see him looking at me. I'm too quiet and shy to talk to him. How do I start talking to him?

[Tri-ring]

Originally Posted by Loli Gurl

I hope everything works out for you ChibiMenos.

I like this boy that's in my class. I don't know if he likes me or not. He sits near me in class. Sometimes before the bell rings he stand up and waits facing in my direction. And in the corner of my eye I see him looking at me. I'm too quiet and shy to talk to him. How do I start talking to him?

The oldest trick in the book is to drop a pencil, eraser,etc. for him to pick it up as an excuse to start a conversation.

Not that there is any certainty of him picking up the thing the first place.

[Loli Gurl]

Thanks for the advice.

[Tri-ring]

Originally Posted by Loli Gurl

Thanks for the advice.

Do I sense a hint of sarcasm in your reply?

There are actually three folds to this trick, one being obvious, creating an excuse but it is also to measure the other party if he is sincere and/or if he is actually taking notice of you.
The last is depending on the other person's intellectuality but if he is, your actually giving him a hinted invitation to him thus if he is interested he is opt to respond.

[ChibiMenos]

Originally Posted by Loli Gurl

I hope everything works out for you ChibiMenos.

Heh, I'd forgotten about this thread and it hasn't even been that long since I posted.

Things are going very well so far... I did end up actually asking him directly whether he just liked me as a friend or what... luckily it turned out he feels the same way I do. So we've been spending a lot of time together lately...he's such a fun guy.

Of course, he's also managed to get me into playing World of Warcraft... <.< Oh well, I guess that was a risk I decided to take....

[Qwazar]

^ That was kind of ovbious, as a guy I can say, about that he wanted to be more than friends with you .

As a compliment I want to say that it can't get much awesomer than playing video games with your girlfriend. It is like combining the pleasant with... pleasant.

I, on the other hand am failing terribly i this field . I am terribly picky. REALLY REALLY picky. I might like one girl out of... a hundred? And I don't even mean spend-the-rest-of-my-life-with-you like. And if I do find one she is pretty much ages out of my league, or I just get really anti-social around her.

[Miko Miko]

There is a guy I REALLY like, have done for about 5 or 6 weeks now. But He is ALL i think about. He keeps looking at me and smiling. Were not in many classes together but when we are I try to talk to him. I feel so shy though >_<
Am I Normal?

Any advice?

[Tri-ring]

Originally Posted by Miko Miko

There is a guy I REALLY like, have done for about 5 or 6 weeks now. But He is ALL i think about. He keeps looking at me and smiling. Were not in many classes together but when we are I try to talk to him. I feel so shy though >_<
Am I Normal?

Any advice?

Don't worry you're normal, it is a normal response from a person of your age in puberty.
You have to know why you react that way into remedy the situation.
What will you do/How would you feel, if he responds negatively?
What will you do/How would you feel, if the other peers responds negatively?
Nine of ten nothing will change.
Do you feel better?
Absolutely nothing will change if you do not stir up some courage but there is a 10 percent possibility that something will change if you do, which path you take is totally up to you.