A Laugh A Day

[Kyuven]

this belongs in the "General Discussion" forum as it has little to nothing to do with anime

[Shay]

Plz don't take offence.

Why do they not like tellephones In China?

Spoiler:

Because theres so many Wings and so many Wongs, they might Wing the Wong Number

[Slade]

These Cartoon Strips gave me some good laughs


http://www.snafu-comics.com/

and since AVP was recently released, a retrospect on face huggers-


http://www.vgcats.com/comics/

[Yogo_Pogo]

Cats invasion

Spoiler:

[Necrodeath]

Originally Posted by Yogo_Pogo

Cats invasion

Spoiler:

0mg!1 ph34r t3h 4wp k!tty!1

[Yogo_Pogo]

Originally Posted by Necrodeath

0mg!1 ph34r t3h 4wp k!tty!1

??????????? What did you say?

[hobobaggins]

eh~ come on you guys... Strongbad? you can do better.


<Zybl0re> get up
<Zybl0re> get on up
<Zybl0re> get up
<Zybl0re> get on up
<phxl|paper> and DANCE
* nmp3bot dances -<
* nmp3bot dances |-<
* nmp3bot dances /-<
<[SA]HatfulOfHollow> i'm going to become rich and famous after i invent a device that allows you to stab people in the face over the internet


<Donut[AFK]> HEY EURAKARTE
<Donut[AFK]> INSULT
<Eurakarte> RETORT
<Donut[AFK]> COUNTER-RETORT
<Eurakarte> QUESTIONING OF SEXUAL PREFERENCE
<Donut[AFK]> SUGGESTION TO SHUT THE FUCK UP
<Eurakarte> NOTATION THAT YOU CREATE A VACUUM
<Donut[AFK]> RIPOSTE
<Donut[AFK]> ADDON RIPOSTE
<Eurakarte> COUNTER-RIPOSTE
<Donut[AFK]> COUNTER-COUNTER RIPOSTE
<Eurakarte> NONSENSICAL STATEMENT INVOLVING PLANKTON
<Miles_Prower> RESPONSE TO RANDOM STATEMENT AND THREAT TO BAN OPPOSING SIDES
<Eurakarte> WORDS OF PRAISE FOR FISHFOOD
<Miles_Prower> ACKNOWLEDGEMENT AND ACCEPTENCE OF TERMS



t0rbad> so there i was in this hallway right
BlackAdder> i believe i speak for all of us when i say...
BlackAdder> WRONG BTICH
BlackAdder> IM SICK OF YOU
BlackAdder> AND YOUR LAME STORIES
BlackAdder> NOBODY HERE THINKS YOURE FUNNY
BlackAdder> NOBODY HERE WANTS TO HEAR YOUR STORIES
BlackAdder> IN FACT
BlackAdder> IF YOU DIED RIGHT NOW
BlackAdder> I DON"T THINK NOBODY WOULD CARE
BlackAdder> SO WHAT DO YOU SAY TO THAT FAG
*** t0rbad sets mode: +b BlackAdder*!*@*.*
*** BlackAdder has been kicked my t0rbad ( )
t0rbad> so there i was in this hallway right
CRCError> right
heartless> Right.
r3v> right


<tatclass> YOU ALL SUCK DICK
<tatclass> er.
<tatclass> hi.
<andy\code> A common typo.
<tatclass> the keys are like right next to each other.

Spoiler:

<JonJonB> Purely in the interests of science, I have replaced the word "wand" with "wang" in the first Harry Potter Book
<JonJonB> Let's see the results...

<JonJonB> "Why aren't you supposed to do magic?" asked Harry.
<JonJonB> "Oh, well -- I was at Hogwarts meself but I -- er -- got expelled, ter tell yeh the truth. In me third year. They snapped me wang in half an' everything

<JonJonB> A magic wang... this was what Harry had been really looking forward to.

<JonJonB> "Yes, yes. I thought I'd be seeing you soon. Harry Potter." It wasn't a question. "You have your mother's eyes. It seems only yesterday she was in here herself, buying her first wang. Ten and a quarter inches long, swishy, made of willow. Nice wang for charm work."
<JonJonB> "Your father, on the other hand, favored a mahogany wang. Eleven inches. "

<JonJonB> Harry took the wang. He felt a sudden warmth in his fingers. He raised the wang above his head, brought it swishing down through the dusty air and a stream of red and gold sparks shot from the end like a firework, throwing dancing spots of light on to the walls

<JonJonB> "Oh, move over," Hermione snarled. She grabbed Harry's wang, tapped the lock, and whispered, 'Alohomora!"

<JonJonB> The troll couldn't feel Harry hanging there, but even a troll will notice if you stick a long bit of wood up its nose, and Harry's wang had still been in his hand when he'd jumped - it had gone straight up one of the troll's nostrils.

<JonJonB> He bent down and pulled his wang out of the troll's nose. It was covered in what looked like lumpy gray glue.

<JonJonB> He ran onto the field as you fell, waved his wang, and you sort of slowed down before you hit the ground. Then he whirled his wang at the dementors. Shot silver stuff at them.

<JonJonB> Ok
<JonJonB> I have found, definitive proof
<JonJonB> that J.K Rowling is a dirty DIRTY woman, making a fool of us all
<JonJonB> "Yes," Harry said, gripping his wang very tightly, and moving into the middle of the deserted classroom. He tried to keep his mind on flying, but something else kept intruding.... Any second now, he might hear his mother again... but he shouldn't think that, or he would hear her again, and he didn't want to... or did he?
<melusine > O_______O
<JonJonB> Something silver-white, something enormous, erupted from the end of his wang

<JonJonJonB> Then, with a sigh, he raised his wang and prodded the silvery substance with its tip.


<JonJonJonB> 'Get - off - me!' Harry gasped. For a few seconds they struggled, Harry pulling at his uncles sausage-like fingers with his left hand, his right maintaining a firm grip on his raised wang.

<mage> what should I give sister for unzipping?
<Kevyn> Um. Ten bucks?
<mage> no I mean like, WinZip?


<kow`> "There are 10 types of people in the world... those who understand binary and those who don't."
<SpaceRain> That's only 2 types of people, kow.
<SpaceRain> STUPID

[aahhsin]

I would like to comment on the dysfunctional styles and schemes of people's blog today. I have read many blogs recently since my boss is out of town in Arizona and I have nothing to do but rot my mind with some people's mindless-drivel blog entries.

If the superintendant read some of the crap you people write, he'll be out of a job faster than I can finish typing the rest of this sentence.

1. Imagine if our "beloved" president had a webpage dedicated to his life or journal entry that has him type like this: "hI meeZ NaMe iSz gEoRgE W. bUsH. (do you people not find this embarrassing to yourself for writing garbage like this?). The problem with this, is that it's really hard to read because our eyes aren't used to it. Hell I'll even admit that I used to think that style of typing is "cool" until I realized I didn't want a job flipping frozen meat over a hot steel plate.

2. I am now going to return back on topic as to why some people's blog sucks. One site i read was with a grey background onto a really light white text. That is impossible to read you idiot. I know the reason why you actually did that...It is so that you can hide the disgusting level of english grammar you have so that no one would actually be able to think that you suck in writing. Hence, if you don't understand what i just wrote, and I'm sure 99% of you don't...this is my example...i'm going to turn this into a chinese saying. People cannot judge you if they cannot understand you.

[hobobaggins]

Originally Posted by aahhsin

I would like to comment on the dysfunctional styles and schemes of people's blog today.

what in holy hell is a blog?

ahaha. forgot one.

<Beeth> Girls are like internet domain names, the ones I like are already taken.
<honx> well, you can stil get one from a strange country :-P

[Yogo_Pogo]

Originally Posted by hobobaggins

Spoiler:

<JonJonB> Purely in the interests of science, I have replaced the word "wand" with "wang" in the first Harry Potter Book
<JonJonB> Let's see the results...

<JonJonB> "Why aren't you supposed to do magic?" asked Harry.
<JonJonB> "Oh, well -- I was at Hogwarts meself but I -- er -- got expelled, ter tell yeh the truth. In me third year. They snapped me wang in half an' everything

<JonJonB> A magic wang... this was what Harry had been really looking forward to.

<JonJonB> "Yes, yes. I thought I'd be seeing you soon. Harry Potter." It wasn't a question. "You have your mother's eyes. It seems only yesterday she was in here herself, buying her first wang. Ten and a quarter inches long, swishy, made of willow. Nice wang for charm work."
<JonJonB> "Your father, on the other hand, favored a mahogany wang. Eleven inches. "

<JonJonB> Harry took the wang. He felt a sudden warmth in his fingers. He raised the wang above his head, brought it swishing down through the dusty air and a stream of red and gold sparks shot from the end like a firework, throwing dancing spots of light on to the walls

<JonJonB> "Oh, move over," Hermione snarled. She grabbed Harry's wang, tapped the lock, and whispered, 'Alohomora!"

<JonJonB> The troll couldn't feel Harry hanging there, but even a troll will notice if you stick a long bit of wood up its nose, and Harry's wang had still been in his hand when he'd jumped - it had gone straight up one of the troll's nostrils.

<JonJonB> He bent down and pulled his wang out of the troll's nose. It was covered in what looked like lumpy gray glue.

<JonJonB> He ran onto the field as you fell, waved his wang, and you sort of slowed down before you hit the ground. Then he whirled his wang at the dementors. Shot silver stuff at them.

<JonJonB> Ok
<JonJonB> I have found, definitive proof
<JonJonB> that J.K Rowling is a dirty DIRTY woman, making a fool of us all
<JonJonB> "Yes," Harry said, gripping his wang very tightly, and moving into the middle of the deserted classroom. He tried to keep his mind on flying, but something else kept intruding.... Any second now, he might hear his mother again... but he shouldn't think that, or he would hear her again, and he didn't want to... or did he?
<melusine > O_______O
<JonJonB> Something silver-white, something enormous, erupted from the end of his wang

<JonJonJonB> Then, with a sigh, he raised his wang and prodded the silvery substance with its tip.

<JonJonJonB> 'Get - off - me!' Harry gasped. For a few seconds they struggled, Harry pulling at his uncles sausage-like fingers with his left hand, his right maintaining a firm grip on his raised wang.

Spoiler for Did i understand the joke?:

Ok before laughing correctly about this i would like someone to clarify something for me... What does wang means? you can PM me the answer if it is what i think it is.

If i did...i never laugh so hard in my entire life
those type of jokes always makes people laugh and i guess we'll never know why.

[aahhsin]

Originally Posted by Yogo_Pogo

Spoiler for Did i understand the joke?:

Ok before laughing correctly about this i would like someone to clarify something for me... What does wang means? you can PM me the answer if it is what i think it is.

If i did...i never laugh so hard in my entire life
those type of jokes always makes people laugh and i guess we'll never know why.

Really? I think these "Private Parts" jokes are really stupid. Best jokes are Racism, Sexism, Religion, Sex and things that are true.

[hobobaggins]

okay, i will give you guys the better ones.


-[Conroy_Bumpus]- OH FUCK ME
-[Conroy_Bumpus]- I FORGOT TO PICK UP MY 7 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER FROM SOCCER PRACTICE
-[Conroy_Bumpus]- 9 HOURS AGO
-[Conroy_Bumpus]- HOLY SHIT
-[Conroy_Bumpus]- BYE



<Raven> I tried setting my hotmail password to penis.
<Raven> It said my password wasn't long enough.


<link>once upon a midnight dreary, while i pron surfed, weak and weary, over many a strange and spurious site of ' hot xxx galore'. While i clicked my fav'rite bookmark, suddenly there came a warning, and my heart was filled with mourning, mourning for my dear amour, " 'Tis not possible!", i muttered, " give me back my free hardcore!"..... quoth the server, 404.
<hokage> *cries*, scary....


<@Chin^> My sister caught me jacking off the other week and calls me a pervert
<@Chin^> just the other day i walked into my room and caught my sister masturbating
<@Chin^> So she calls me a pervert again?!?
<@Chin^> there is no justice in the world...


<_kr4m3r> so many fucking criminals, its bullshit
<foniks`> heh, if we sent all the criminals to some empty continent and just left them there to die
<foniks`> and showed up like 50yrs later like, "sup?"
<foniks`> whatd u think they'd say?
<FoSZoR[bg]> something along the lines of, "G`Day mate"

<Mikkel> If you went camping and you got REALLY drunk with your friend and you
woke up the next morning with a condom stuck up your ass would you tell anybody?
<Celestya> i dont think so
<Mikkel> Wanna go camping?

[OutPhase]

Originally Posted by hobobaggins

Spoiler:

<JonJonB> Purely in the interests of science, I have replaced the word "wand" with "wang" in the first Harry Potter Book
<JonJonB> Let's see the results...

<JonJonB> "Why aren't you supposed to do magic?" asked Harry.
<JonJonB> "Oh, well -- I was at Hogwarts meself but I -- er -- got expelled, ter tell yeh the truth. In me third year. They snapped me wang in half an' everything

<JonJonB> A magic wang... this was what Harry had been really looking forward to.

<JonJonB> "Yes, yes. I thought I'd be seeing you soon. Harry Potter." It wasn't a question. "You have your mother's eyes. It seems only yesterday she was in here herself, buying her first wang. Ten and a quarter inches long, swishy, made of willow. Nice wang for charm work."
<JonJonB> "Your father, on the other hand, favored a mahogany wang. Eleven inches. "

<JonJonB> Harry took the wang. He felt a sudden warmth in his fingers. He raised the wang above his head, brought it swishing down through the dusty air and a stream of red and gold sparks shot from the end like a firework, throwing dancing spots of light on to the walls

<JonJonB> "Oh, move over," Hermione snarled. She grabbed Harry's wang, tapped the lock, and whispered, 'Alohomora!"

<JonJonB> The troll couldn't feel Harry hanging there, but even a troll will notice if you stick a long bit of wood up its nose, and Harry's wang had still been in his hand when he'd jumped - it had gone straight up one of the troll's nostrils.

<JonJonB> He bent down and pulled his wang out of the troll's nose. It was covered in what looked like lumpy gray glue.

<JonJonB> He ran onto the field as you fell, waved his wang, and you sort of slowed down before you hit the ground. Then he whirled his wang at the dementors. Shot silver stuff at them.

<JonJonB> Ok
<JonJonB> I have found, definitive proof
<JonJonB> that J.K Rowling is a dirty DIRTY woman, making a fool of us all
<JonJonB> "Yes," Harry said, gripping his wang very tightly, and moving into the middle of the deserted classroom. He tried to keep his mind on flying, but something else kept intruding.... Any second now, he might hear his mother again... but he shouldn't think that, or he would hear her again, and he didn't want to... or did he?
<melusine > O_______O
<JonJonB> Something silver-white, something enormous, erupted from the end of his wang

<JonJonJonB> Then, with a sigh, he raised his wang and prodded the silvery substance with its tip.

<JonJonJonB> 'Get - off - me!' Harry gasped. For a few seconds they struggled, Harry pulling at his uncles sausage-like fingers with his left hand, his right maintaining a firm grip on his raised wang.

Holy fucking crap! I've seen pages talking about sex that aren't nearly as dirty as this. This woman needs to get laid right now because her perverted fantasies are being written in her overhyped books. Come on girl.

Spoiler:

Nobody has an 11 inch wang. If I'm wrong then God help us all.

I wonder how many of her sex fantasies were written in her books. Now I know why the books are so popular and all, what with now she just created book sex. Congrats, you lonely girl. There was a reason why we drew the line at cyber sex, so we couldn't have this spawn in the world.


:Sigh: So much for it being a childrens book.

Originally Posted by Necrodeath

0mg!1 ph34r t3h 4wp k!tty!1

In English: OMG! Fear the amp kitty!!


I might be off by a letter or two in the translation.

[Necrodeath]

Originally Posted by Razer_2mb

In English: OMG! Fear the amp kitty!!

I might be off by a letter or two in the translation.

Heh
Only one ^^

OMG! Fear the awp kitty!!

(awp is a weapon in Counter-Strike)

[Shousha]

This is the funniest shit I've seen all day:

Spoiler:

[Yogo_Pogo]

Originally Posted by Razer_2mb

In English: OMG! Fear the amp kitty!!
I might be off by a letter or two in the translation.

In what language it was?

[OutPhase]

Originally Posted by Yogo_Pogo

In what language it was?

The impossible language of l33t . Poeple speak but others don't know what the hell they're saying, like pig latin or some other inconprehensible language.

Now here's Your Moment of Zen brought to you by Purplehaze9:

Spoiler:

[Kaoru]

Originally Posted by hobobaggins

okay, i will give you guys the better ones.

-[Conroy_Bumpus]- OH FUCK ME
-[Conroy_Bumpus]- I FORGOT TO PICK UP MY 7 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER FROM SOCCER PRACTICE
-[Conroy_Bumpus]- 9 HOURS AGO
-[Conroy_Bumpus]- HOLY SHIT
-[Conroy_Bumpus]- BYE

<Raven> I tried setting my hotmail password to penis.
<Raven> It said my password wasn't long enough.

<link>once upon a midnight dreary, while i pron surfed, weak and weary, over many a strange and spurious site of ' hot xxx galore'. While i clicked my fav'rite bookmark, suddenly there came a warning, and my heart was filled with mourning, mourning for my dear amour, " 'Tis not possible!", i muttered, " give me back my free hardcore!"..... quoth the server, 404.
<hokage> *cries*, scary....

<_kr4m3r> so many fucking criminals, its bullshit
<foniks`> heh, if we sent all the criminals to some empty continent and just left them there to die
<foniks`> and showed up like 50yrs later like, "sup?"
<foniks`> whatd u think they'd say?
<FoSZoR[bg]> something along the lines of, "G`Day mate"

These were great! I've read 'em before but they always crack me up.
I demand more IRC chat logs Hobo-san.

Btw, Razer_2mb, I love your sig! That was one of the funniest Strongbad emails I ever saw.
Whaddaya know, Haddi-man.
-----

Annoying things to do in a bathroom stall

1. Stick your palm open under the stall wall and ask your neighbor, ''May I borrow a highlighter?''

2. ''Uh-oh, I knew I shouldn't put my lips on that.''

3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise.

4. ''Hmmm, I've never seen that color before.''

5. ''Damn, this water is cold.''

6. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from a high place and sigh relaxingly.

7. ''Now how did that get there?''

8. ''Hummus. Reminds me of hummus.''

9. Fill up a large flask with Mountian Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling,''Whoa! Easy boy!!''

10. '' Interesting....more sinkers than floaters''

11. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peaunt butter on a wad of toliet paper and drop under the stall wall of your neighbor. Then say,''Whoops, could you kick that back over here, please?"

12. ''C'mon Mr. Happy! Don't fall asleep on me!!"

13. ''Boy, that sure looks like a maggot''

14. ''Damn, I knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I gonna do?''

15. Play a well-known drum cadence over and over again on your butt cheeks.

16. Before you unroll toliet paper, conspicusly lay down your ''Cross-Dressers Anonymous'' newsletter on the floor visiable to the adjacent stall.

17. Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall and adjust it so you can see your neighbor and say, ''Peek-a-boo!''

18. Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing ''Born Free.''

--------
Allegedly drawn by an 8-yr-old passenger on a Quantus flight:

Spoiler for so cute!:

[Yogo_Pogo]

Originally Posted by Kaoru

Allegedly drawn by an 8-yr-old passenger on a Quantus flight:

Spoiler for so cute!:

It's cute indead.

[boneyjellyfish]

News story

Sexually frustrated chimp takes up smoking
Sun Aug 29, 7:47 AM ET

BEIJING (Reuters) - Sexual frustration has turned a Chinese chimpanzee from a mild-mannered simian into a problem primate who smokes cigarettes and spits at visitors, the Xinhua news agency says.

Feili, a female chimp in the city of Zhengzhou in the central province of Henan, picked up her nasty habits by imitating visitors who behaved "improperly" around her, Xinhua quoted zoo director Liu Bing as saying on Sunday.

But, Liu said, the root cause of Feili's transformation from a "gentle girl" into a "shrew" lay with the inability to find her a satisfactory mate.

A male chimpanzee at the zoo has failed to live up to Feili's sexual demands, and she has snubbed other potential suitors.

Zoo officials said Feili was not addicted to nicotine, but the chimp has also demonstrated clever -- if not desperate -- behaviour to score a smoke.

"The chimp is spitting at tourists and smoking," Xinhua quoted a boy visiting the zoo. "Just now a tourist threw a cigarette butt to just outside the cage, she tried to get the butt with a stick."