Internet Relations

[raikage]

Originally Posted by Seki_yamata

So, Relax my mind? there is alot going on in there. Him, a job, my mom, the kid, ware am i gona be in the nxt three yrs, If ill ever see him in my life? will it work out?

The whathuhnow?

Originally Posted by Seki_yamata

So, Relax my mind? there is alot going on in there. Him, a job, my mom, the kid, ware am i gona be in the nxt three yrs, If ill ever see him in my life? will it work out? all of these insecurities, And how im gonna manage a job, a school, a newborn thats not mine, and a boyfreind? I tend to think alot, And i dont mind solving problems, but all i know is i cant do it alone, but the one person i trust is a couple of states away from me. so the only thing i can do is meet amends with my mother and wait a little while. Hes willing to send me money if i need any. but i dont think im allowed to accept money from people yet. (a rule) and i don like taking other peoples money. I will try. I will use it in letter fourm since i dont know how to approach her with it. Ill write her a long letter. (then have my grandmother edit it to see if its the rite thing to say of course) and i will give it to her. now another thing...how do i get away from this computer. im a slave to it. but i think i can manage. =) thankyou guys.

- I wouldn't take his money. JMO, that's a little much considering where you two are in terms of a relationship.

- Getting away from the computer is easy. Shut it off and go do something outside.

[Seki_yamata]

Originally Posted by raikage

The whathuhnow?



- I wouldn't take his money. JMO, that's a little much considering where you two are in terms of a relationship.

- Getting away from the computer is easy. Shut it off and go do something outside.

MY MOMS KID! lol. shes having another one. T_T big mistake...but we all make them and there isnt much we can do now. And ive been trying....its easier said than done. Theres this feeling i get everytime i get home or wake up in the morning. Its telling me to get on the commputer...like a meth adict..There body wants them to go to there stash and Smoke the meth. its the same thing. IT inslaves me....Should i be getting an intervention? lol. (not a meth adict)

[lubuko]

internet is all mirage

[raikage]

Originally Posted by Seki_yamata

MY MOMS KID! lol. shes having another one. T_T big mistake...but we all make them and there isnt much we can do now. And ive been trying....its easier said than done. Theres this feeling i get everytime i get home or wake up in the morning. Its telling me to get on the commputer...like a meth adict..There body wants them to go to there stash and Smoke the meth. its the same thing. IT inslaves me....Should i be getting an intervention? lol. (not a meth adict)

There are ways to check to see if you're too hooked to the Internets.
A quick way is to see if you're neglecting your friends or family to be online, or if you're always tired because you spend all night on the Web.

Though I'm not a trained psychologist by any means, I would suggest this:

- Borrow your mom's kitchen timer or a watch with a countdown or something
- Set it for 45 minutes or an hour or whatever
- Surf.

When the timer goes off, can you step away from the computer?

[Seditary]

Ah, I'm reminded of a person who used to be in my WoW guild who applied as a female, addressed themselves as female, got his girlfriend to talk on vents for him when required and gave out her picture to his online friends claiming it was him.

He eventually stopped playing after his gf left him over his idiocy.

[blue skies]

Originally Posted by raikage

There are ways to check to see if you're too hooked to the Internets.
A quick way is to see if you're neglecting your friends or family to be online, or if you're always tired because you spend all night on the Web.

Though I'm not a trained psychologist by any means, I would suggest this:

- Borrow your mom's kitchen timer or a watch with a countdown or something
- Set it for 45 minutes or an hour or whatever
- Surf.

When the timer goes off, can you step away from the computer?

I'm not a psychologist either, but I agree with this. If the Internet really is causing you to neglect your friends/family or even your own health, you need to do something about it. Giving yourself a set amount of time per day to be online would definitely help; if you're having serious trouble, set it for a longer amount of time at first, then try reducing the amount of time each day after that by 15 minutes or so. Or you could set yourself a computer curfew, lol. As in no computer at all after 8 or 9, or whenever. I hope that helps; if not, you may seriously want to talk to someone. The Web really isn't that great. Not worth missing out on everything else in life, anyway.

[Seki_yamata]

mkay. thanks everyone. <3

[Skullchukka]

Get to know each other in real life, then you'll naturally know If you are ment for dating each other.
I dated a girl I met in a metal music forum, and It lasted 9 months, It was pretty good overall, and there weren't any big surprises for both of us. But we were just the lucky ones. That might differ for you mate

[Amray]

I, as an individial, do not understand how internet relationships work at all.

Understand that this is my personal opinion, but people falling in love with text on a screen and a display picture is beyond me. Yes they can speak through microphones and may also have access to web cameras, but I do not see how that even compares to having your first meeting together in person. Introducing yourself to them, talking, laughing, having a lovely walk, all as you are looking into their very real and beautiful eyes. To me that is a lot better than sitting in a chair and typing comments....which also, knowing the interweb, could be from sarcastic people that want something to laugh about. I could never trust the interweb when it comes to things such as this.

So if you are in an internet relationship then please be cautious. But if you know them well enough to trust them then that is fair enough.

[Mystique]

Originally Posted by Amray

I, as an individial, do not understand how internet relationships work at all.

Understand that this is my personal opinion, but people falling in love with text on a screen and a display picture is beyond me. Yes they can speak through microphones and may also have access to web cameras, but I do not see how that even compares to having your first meeting together in person. Introducing yourself to them, talking, laughing, having a lovely walk, all as you are looking into their very real and beautiful eyes. To me that is a lot better than sitting in a chair and typing comments....which also, knowing the interweb, could be from sarcastic people that want something to laugh about. I could never trust the interweb when it comes to things such as this.

So if you are in an internet relationship then please be cautious. But if you know them well enough to trust them then that is fair enough.

well you can attempt to read this novella or if that's too traumatising for you, lol - just take the summary in here:

physically online relationships are limited to a screen, keyboard, webcam and text - yeah i kinda did take into account all you were saying in the experience bit. The fact that it's missing makes it harder to maintain a genuine relationship, at the same time as ledgem is stating, it makes it way too easy to decieve someone.
I guess it depends on how you look at it. Someone will see text and computer and hardware, others (like me) simply see all of that as a ways to a means, i'm interested in the person behind the screen, the human i'm talking to, their stories and their experiences, thoughts and feelings make it interesting, fun and entertaining - but i can understand it's not everyone's cup of tea to 'read'
More than often tho, people just need someone who'll listen to them - a free therapy session regardless of what tools we're using (in this case it's a pc)

It's a ways to a means to meeting that special someone offline. Reality will hit like a sledgehammer and it'll be then when people find out if all they have learnt about each other is enough to survive 'real life'. Friendships and aquaintences can survive easier online than a love relationship, naturally some form of physical intimacy will be craved for (even just hugs) so they'll have to meet up and have the dates and stuff that you mentioned.
Sometimes distance gives people no choice and this would be the only susbsitute they have.
But it's the same blind faith that people put in others as we all do now on Asuki, reading each others stuff, deciding to believe or not who pple say they are, or what they claim to know about topics in here.

[mg1942]

Originally Posted by Amray

I, as an individial, do not understand how internet relationships work at all.

Understand that this is my personal opinion, but people falling in love with text on a screen and a display picture is beyond me. Yes they can speak through microphones and may also have access to web cameras, but I do not see how that even compares to having your first meeting together in person. Introducing yourself to them, talking, laughing, having a lovely walk, all as you are looking into their very real and beautiful eyes. To me that is a lot better than sitting in a chair and typing comments....which also, knowing the interweb, could be from sarcastic people that want something to laugh about. I could never trust the interweb when it comes to things such as this.

So if you are in an internet relationship then please be cautious. But if you know them well enough to trust them then that is fair enough.

I guess you haven't seen the movie You've got mail

[rainnydaiis]

Originally Posted by Amray

I, as an individial, do not understand how internet relationships work at all.

Understand that this is my personal opinion, but people falling in love with text on a screen and a display picture is beyond me. Yes they can speak through microphones and may also have access to web cameras, but I do not see how that even compares to having your first meeting together in person. Introducing yourself to them, talking, laughing, having a lovely walk, all as you are looking into their very real and beautiful eyes. To me that is a lot better than sitting in a chair and typing comments....which also, knowing the interweb, could be from sarcastic people that want something to laugh about. I could never trust the interweb when it comes to things such as this.

So if you are in an internet relationship then please be cautious. But if you know them well enough to trust them then that is fair enough.

Usually people would say thats the first step in an internet relationship. After all that, you should atleast try to go and meet the person and see if their right or not. A lot of people as of lately are actually getting into relationships via the internet. Me and my gf first met on the internet and started dating, after 6 months she flew down to see me and then from there it was all uphill relationship. Now we've been dating for 2 years and a half and I don't seem to have any problem at all

[Amray]

Originally Posted by mg1942

I guess you haven't seen the movie You've got mail

No I have not.

Originally Posted by rainnydaiis

Usually people would say thats the first step in an internet relationship. After all that, you should atleast try to go and meet the person and see if their right or not. A lot of people as of lately are actually getting into relationships via the internet. Me and my gf first met on the internet and started dating, after 6 months she flew down to see me and then from there it was all uphill relationship. Now we've been dating for 2 years and a half and I don't seem to have any problem at all

That is a nice story and a decent example of how some internet relationships become successful. With me though I do think that I could ever be part of that, not because it makes little sense, but because I just could not. It is just the way I am. Maybe it is because I would like to meet a girl in person and start from there. But I do understand that, yes, you can eventually meet them in person and make the relationship a lot better for the two of you, but I just want something in particular when meeting her and by coincidence. Not from flirting on MSN and such. Plus, one can never be 100% positive that this person is playing with you. Maybe these relationships are easier because one cannot tell whether their admirer is being loving, or sarcastic. Although that could make things harder too. It has happened before to some people. Nonetheless, thankyou for your positive comment. It is not as though I totally detest online relationships, I as an individual just cannot see myself having one at all.

Originally Posted by Mystique

It's a ways to a means to meeting that special someone offline. Reality will hit like a sledgehammer and it'll be then when people find out if all they have learnt about each other is enough to survive 'real life'. Friendships and aquaintences can survive easier online than a love relationship, naturally some form of physical intimacy will be craved for (even just hugs) so they'll have to meet up and have the dates and stuff that you mentioned.
Sometimes distance gives people no choice and this would be the only susbsitute they have.
But it's the same blind faith that people put in others as we all do now on Asuki, reading each others stuff, deciding to believe or not who pple say they are, or what they claim to know about topics in here.

Yes this does make a lot of sense. There are some positive sides to an internet relationship. However I would personally try to talk and get to know her more in person. That is why I would like to meet someone in reality. I have not even had access to my own personal home internet for a whole year yet, so it is harder for me to understand. Plus my life outdoors is a lot more important to me as opposed to my internet exploring life (although it has proved very useful in college), so maybe I have just adapted in that way so much. I have spoken to girls online, and I have been flirted on by girls online, but if they start that then I tell them that I do not know them and if they carry on I tell them to go away. I do not want it and there is also no way in knowing if they are joking around. Therefore I do not even go into that area of chat.

Understand that it is simply just something that I could personally not do because of my lifestyle and thoughts. I do not disagree with it and I know it sometimes works amazingly, although it is just something I would never do as an individual. I hope you can understand that, we are all different.

[Mystique]

We're not bashing ya, to each their own to be honest, I wouldn't force everyone to conceive new relationships or friendships via the net, it just happens to be another method available that's all.
You weren't sure how it could even work, so I think we were just giving examples.
Anyways, good luck with the offline chasing

[npal]

People are here, people are there. As long as you can a) attend your work efficiently, b)eat properly, c)sleep enough d)have some OTHER interests availabe, you can be wherever you want to be and make the friends you want to make, whether they are online or offline. The rest is purely a matter of preference. If I prefer going out, I'll go out, if I want to talk to my friends online instead, I'll do that. I hardly see how one is objectively more preferable than the other if everything else is ok. After all, going out with friends is for fun and communication, both of which you can also do online. Damn, I can be going out with friends and neglecting everything else of importance, that's not good either but no one ever makes that point when talking about internet addiction.

Now going on to romantic relationships, yeah I partly agree that you DO have to think about meeting eventually, even if you can see the other person in a webcam, it's really not the same level of communication. Communication between lovers has to be physical as well as emotional, so you really should be thinking of taking that step eventually. Otherwise, we're just really really really really good friends. I'd consider it pretty abnormal if you're perfectly content with not seeing the other person live or even against that under this particular situation. And no, if you really care, all obstacles can be, in some way, overcome, maybe not right here and now, but planning and being patient is essential when you try a relationship online. But friends... Nah, friends can be anywhere and everywhere.

[othera]

I think its fine, i have never been in one though.

As long as you know they are who they say they are

[zSolaris]

/me hasn't read the entire thread so please do not shoot.


I find that there is nothing wrong about internet relations. Of course, I would always be wary about those people who hide under the guise of being a female of a certain age and looking a certain way but I don't think that should govern the way you act completely and totally. Be careful, don't do anything stupid, you know the whole jazz.

As far as personal experience goes, I had a "long-short" distance relationship for 'bout nine months. Long as in we did meet via a small private forum that my friends and I made and she came along as a friend of one of my friends. Short as in she lives about 15 miles from me (which is short in Florida). We did meet up a few times and all that. Nothing too serious.


So yeah, they are possible. Nothing's wrong with 'em. Just be careful with 'em.

[rile]

I think that online relations arent really to healthy.For one it lowers social skills and makes you run to the internet for any kind of realtionship.i think egtting out and actually meetoing peple first is the best way.

[npal]

Originally Posted by rile

I think that online relations arent really to healthy.For one it lowers social skills and makes you run to the internet for any kind of realtionship.i think egtting out and actually meetoing peple first is the best way.

Could you please elaborate on how CASUAL social skills are lowered when you have relations of some kind online. I mean, sure if you don't practice etiquette and tact (which you hardly practice in online chats), they'll get rusty. But casual social skills? What, just the pickup lines? There are pickup lines or starting lines online, too, so it's pretty much the same.

[Ledgem]

Originally Posted by rile

I think that online relations arent really to healthy.For one it lowers social skills and makes you run to the internet for any kind of realtionship.

Do you have a series of psychological assessments or studies to prove that? I've heard of a poor study that was completed that stated the opposite - that people who communicated over the internet in forums and such tended to work better with others and were more effective communicators.

But as far as relationships go, I'd agree that getting out and meeting people is probably best. As I said a long time ago in this thread, there's a difference between getting along with someone communication- and value-wise, and getting along with them in person. There's a lot that goes into a relationship, but compatibility in both aspects that I just mentioned are rather critical if you want a relationship with lasting power and that provides more happiness than misery.