2011-08-20, 10:19 | Link #33921 |
Junior Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
|
So the Materials are taking Caro, Erio and the Alpines as hostages/barganing chips against the TSAB. What about Sette and and are they gonna take whatever was in Prison Boy's lab? And what about Yuuno, where is he and will he end up in another incident where he ends up back with the Materials, listen to Yami about the spell placed on him and her reasons for casting it which given Yuuno is pretty much the Messiah he automaticly forgives her, get the story about them going to fight the TSAB and have a slim chance of having a foursome between Yuuno and the Materials, all before they finally make it to Mid-Childa with the battle between the Materials who are at full power, if not above it, with those new finisher spells from Gears of Destiny at their disposal and the Aces and the rest of the TSAB?
|
2011-08-20, 14:13 | Link #33923 | |
Crax
Author
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: MY
|
Quote:
... Okay, you did not have much story for me to even comment about. So I'll just throw in a question: Did Yuuno fire a beam? Sun? Something? As his final effort, because I find this part really confusing. At first read it was supposed to be a barrier to hold against the falling ships. However, his effort apparently er... Arc-En-Ciel (Or even stronger) a ship and wounding two. Or is it that his barrier rejects the falling impact back to space (Which after multiple reads should be correct)? Anyway, it's just sound impossible. You're saying that Yuuno managed to block something equivalent or ten times more powerful than a warship cannon. Other than that, well... well written.
__________________
|
|
2011-08-20, 14:45 | Link #33924 | |
. . .
Author
|
Quote:
And to answer your questions involving the absolutely absurd and likely impossible things I had him do... He did indeed make a miniature star and blow it up. Also, there weren't supposed to be any barriers to hold up the falling ships, just tons and tons of barriers to contain the nuclear reaction. ...I will say that this was a lot better than my first attempt at writing fanfiction. The grammatical errors alone would have put someone in the hospital. |
|
2011-08-20, 15:01 | Link #33925 |
Crax
Author
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: MY
|
It is good writing, just without a story. And don't worry about grammar errors, you're way past the stage where it's negligible.
The only one I have a dispute about is the creating star stuff, the others are just good. There's no reason to conform to a fixed mindset, especially since this is magic we're talking about. If it was me, I'll probably have him create either an infinite amount of barrier chakrams or a few super large one and cut it from all sides. But whatever.
__________________
|
2011-08-20, 22:47 | Link #33927 | |
Otaku Apprentice
|
Quote:
__________________
|
|
2011-08-20, 23:17 | Link #33928 | |
Bibliophile
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: There's this dot on the world map...
|
Quote:
__________________
|
|
2011-08-21, 09:49 | Link #33929 |
Banned
|
Well, considering I haven't really put up anything for quite awhile now, I thought I'd put up the first few scenes from the third chapter of the Perils sequel. The chapter itself is almost done, so hopefully I'll have the rest soon, but work has been really kicking my ass lately so I haven't had the time to write that I normally do.
So, without further ado... (and it's mostly work safe, at least; the real lemon scenes come later) Spoiler for Perils of Lost Logia: The 2nd Cumming, Chapter 3: Something Also Rises:
The other two-thirds of this chapter will come later. You may now go back to your regularly scheduled fanfiction! |
2011-08-21, 16:00 | Link #33931 |
Under Death by College
Author
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Where you least expect me
Age: 30
|
Those kids are really cute, the girls and Gorry's son. Though it's a good thing L-sama hasn't met the girls yet, since if I'm not mistaken she is technically both great-grandmother and great-great-grandmother.
__________________
|
2011-08-21, 16:04 | Link #33932 | |
Left for TFF
Author
|
Quote:
*Badum tish!*
__________________
|
|
2011-08-21, 16:17 | Link #33933 | |
Burst Mode
Author
|
Quote:
No problem with Yuuno's final attack. Did you explicitly take that from To Aru Majutsu no Index when Accelerator compressed air to form plasma, or is that just a coincidence? A bigger issue, though, is that the Infinite Library is not located on Mid Childa. It's in the TSAB HQ, which is that big spikey thing up in dimensional space. It's essentially a massive space colony. Still, it was nice you gave Yuuno some glory. I'm actually interested in Hayate and Vivio's thoughts after the event.
__________________
|
|
2011-08-21, 19:12 | Link #33936 | |
GregOS Offline
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Philippines
Age: 36
|
Quote:
Moka and Mizore.... *nosebleed* and really Thoth.... you are one hell of a blackmailer... and now I wish there's a Sango what would wack at Thoth everytime he do something... perverted... and I'm not surprised on that multi-update a day... in fact, i'm waiting for something like that to happen...
__________________
|
|
2011-08-21, 20:26 | Link #33937 | |
Beta by Accident
Author
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Maine
Age: 52
|
Quote:
__________________
|
|
2011-08-21, 23:42 | Link #33938 |
Burst Mode
Author
|
Posted My Second Friend chapter 1
__________________
|
2011-08-22, 11:18 | Link #33939 | |||
. . .
Author
|
Quote:
I will definitely have to fix that when I rewrite this. Should have done more research on where places were located. As for Hayate and Vivio... I think that's a good idea to try and write. Gotta determine whether or not Yuuno lives though. Blowing up stars isn't exactly good for your health. Quote:
Poor Yuuno. if its not eldritch abominations, its hormones. Quote:
|
|||
Tags |
authorshipping, befriending, fanfiction, interactive fanfiction, nanoha |
|
|