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Old 2013-05-07, 21:57   Link #1641
Iskatar
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nandesuto View Post
Here's a quick comparison of the first few lines against my Chinese translation.


Here's my take:


I can't vouch for the accuracy of my own translation, or of the initial J-C one, but there does seem to be something lost in translation. I'd advise being a little more careful with lines that tend to have chained modifiers + descriptions. The flow of the English is a little awkward as well, although that's simply because you're not a native English speaker. An editor ought to be able to help with that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by setsuna86 View Post
I try to do as you advise and reedit. Please read once more on BT. (ch 2)
In addition to what Nan said, you should also be careful of double negatives, punctuation, and capitalization.

On that note, like was said previously about lines not making sense in English, there are some weird lines like "Do you have any measures?" Measures for...? Do you mean countermeasures? Personally, I would take these off BT until they get screened by an editor.

Last edited by Iskatar; 2013-05-08 at 00:37.
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Old 2013-05-08, 02:42   Link #1642
cramped
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Umm, I just skimmed through ur TL setsuna. I will omit the awkward grammatical usage for now. There is something I would like to point out.

The ship name is White Illuna.
The owner is Matvey.
The two port towns are Prepus and Lippner.

Also your writing about Prince Jermaine is so inconsistent.
Sry, for the criticism.
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Old 2013-05-08, 05:49   Link #1643
sasuke706
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cramped View Post
The ship name is White Illuna.
Just wanted to interject since I just finished reading the chapter 2 translation (I don't follow along in Japanese either) and happen to like Dark Souls, so I peeked at the raw novel.

I noticed the two names for the ship were quite different, so I wanted to elaborate on it. In Japanese, the ship is called 誇り高き白イルカ号 with the furigana showing it pronounced as ゴルディベルーガ号. Thus, the ship would be named The Goldy Beluga, but the kanji itself calls it The Proud White Beluga (イルカ isn't specific to dolphins). It'd sound better as The Proud White Whale, but eh. The author actually uses English words for once, but I suppose we're better off not asking how white turns into goldy.

Also, アルトリウス means Artorias (I know it can be Artorius too), not Arturius. Totally not OCD about that nope.
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Old 2013-05-08, 06:22   Link #1644
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cramped View Post
Umm, I just skimmed through ur TL setsuna. I will omit the awkward grammatical usage for now. There is something I would like to point out.

The ship name is White Illuna.
The owner is Matvey.
The two port towns are Prepus and Lippner.

Also your writing about Prince Jermaine is so inconsistent.
Sry, for the criticism.
I just replace the names you gave me. And regarding the matter with Prince Jermaine, can you do something about it?
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Old 2013-05-08, 06:34   Link #1645
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Hmm, for that part correct me if I am wrong though you use like Germane and Jermaine.
For the ship name that is what I discuss with Xena sometime ago.
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Old 2013-05-08, 06:53   Link #1646
setsuna86
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cramped View Post
Hmm, for that part correct me if I am wrong though you use like Germane and Jermaine.
For the ship name that is what I discuss with Xena sometime ago.
Well, I first use Germane and then I Change to Jermaine thinking it is better so.
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Old 2013-05-08, 07:31   Link #1647
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It is Jermaine <----- there exist people with this name. Assvarian are English considering that the founder of the country is based on King Arthur and just look at the princess name and you will know. Anyways, if you want me to do anything drop by my talk page on BT and post it.
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Old 2013-05-09, 16:03   Link #1648
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Having edited this a little more now, I'm fairly sure that neither "Germane" nor "Jermaine" is 100% correct. "Jermaine" is a recent English bastardization of "Germain", which is a name that dates back to the "correct" period, but is French. I'll leave the choice of lesser of two evils to someone else.

Edit: Looking further, I'm confused at the use of "Prepus". The Chinese uses this as well, but the Japanese raw clearly states "このあと君はプシェプス..." (p.76) I'm just not seeing how "プシェプス" becomes "Prepus". (Edit #2: Nvm. I think I know. The OCR probably failed and converted the シ into レ.)

Last edited by Hiyono; 2013-05-09 at 17:05. Reason: Added to post.
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Old 2013-05-11, 05:53   Link #1649
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nandesuto View Post
Having edited this a little more now, I'm fairly sure that neither "Germane" nor "Jermaine" is 100% correct. "Jermaine" is a recent English bastardization of "Germain", which is a name that dates back to the "correct" period, but is French. I'll leave the choice of lesser of two evils to someone else.

Edit: Looking further, I'm confused at the use of "Prepus". The Chinese uses this as well, but the Japanese raw clearly states "このあと君はプシェプス..." (p.76) I'm just not seeing how "プシェプス" becomes "Prepus". (Edit #2: Nvm. I think I know. The OCR probably failed and converted the シ into レ.)
Interestingly enough, "Jermaine" can translate to "German(ic)" if I recall correctly. I'd flip a coin. By the way, what are Olga's titles? Like Silvfrahl, Meltis, Michelia, Presuvet, etc. Also.... is Olga's Viralt really named "Takeshi"? I'm asking because I'm thinking that the Names and Terminology page on BT could use an update.
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Old 2013-05-11, 06:07   Link #1650
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Olga's Title:『羅轟の月姫(バルディッシュ)』
Olga's Viralt: ムマ 『崩呪の弦武』
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Old 2013-05-11, 09:19   Link #1651
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Originally Posted by Hemisphere View Post
Olga's Title:『羅轟の月姫(バルディッシュ)』
Olga's Viralt: ムマ 『崩呪の弦武』
Thank you.


On a more general, "Curse of the Reversal" sounds... pretty weird with the "the" tacked in. That's just me though.

Last edited by Iskatar; 2013-05-11 at 09:32.
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Old 2013-05-11, 09:35   Link #1652
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Olga's viralt is named Muma.
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Old 2013-05-11, 09:54   Link #1653
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Olga's viralt is named Muma.
Yeah. Olga's viralt has two names: Muma and Land of Brest (ブレストの地)
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Old 2013-05-11, 10:03   Link #1654
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Quote:
Originally Posted by setsuna86 View Post
Yeah. Olga's viralt has two names: Muma and Land of Brest (ブレストの地)
Mune and Land of breast..?? isnt dat an insult to olga, cuz petta-loli....
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Old 2013-05-11, 10:09   Link #1655
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By the way are there no more illustration aside from the color illustration of volume 6?
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Old 2013-05-11, 10:24   Link #1656
Hemisphere
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Wasn't ブレスト the region she controls as a Vanadis? Like with Elen and LeitMeritz, Lyudmila and Olmutz, etc.?
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Old 2013-05-11, 10:27   Link #1657
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Originally Posted by kazzuya13 View Post
By the way are there no more illustration aside from the color illustration of volume 6?
Illustrator was sick at the time I believe, and even the colour illustration was just combining existing illustrations from other books.
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Old 2013-05-11, 10:31   Link #1658
Iskatar
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hemisphere View Post
Wasn't ブレスト the region she controls as a Vanadis? Like with Elen and LeitMeritz, Lyudmila and Olmutz, etc.?
Yes. After glancing at the wiki entry, it is indeed Muma, the Curse of (the) Reversal(?) - Houju no Genbu. As far as I know, Muma doesn't have another name yet like Hollow Shadow or Luminous Flame, though I might have missed it. She was chosen at the age of 12 and given the land of Brest as her domain.
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Old 2013-05-11, 10:43   Link #1659
Hemisphere
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Don't the Viralts only have one alternate title each, same with their Vanadis (save for Elen who has two)? Or do you mean Muma's lack of elemental affinity in its title? I'm confused. Feel free to correct me if I'm mistaken.

I actually love that in-joke. Giving Olga, the flattest of the flat, a territory named ブレスト, and she ended up being overwhelmed by the size of it her self-confidence crumbled and she ran away.

Gonna be funny if this series somehow ends up connected with the author's other works and suddenly the Viralts are revealed to be actual dragons in weapon form much like in his other series.
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Last edited by Hemisphere; 2013-05-11 at 12:00.
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Old 2013-05-11, 13:07   Link #1660
Iskatar
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Originally Posted by Hemisphere View Post
Don't the Viralts only have one alternate title each, same with their Vanadis (save for Elen who has two)? Or do you mean Muma's lack of elemental affinity in its title? I'm confused. Feel free to correct me if I'm mistaken.

I actually love that in-joke. Giving Olga, the flattest of the flat, a territory named ブレスト, and she ended up being overwhelmed by the size of it her self-confidence crumbled and she ran away.

Gonna be funny if this series somehow ends up connected with the author's other works and suddenly the Viralts are revealed to be actual dragons in weapon form much like in his other series.
That's actually quite likely.
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