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Old 2012-08-14, 05:39   Link #10621
DonQuigleone
Knight Errant
 
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Dublin, Ireland
Age: 35
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChainLegacy View Post
One of my closer friends was just married this weekend and my other has a girlfriend now for quite some time. Made me feel a little silly pursuing my casual liaisons when I realized I was at my buddy's wedding reception... Though I wouldn't be able to spend nearly the same amount of time with these friends as in the past, it certainly makes me think. I figured 23 was young for all this but apparently not within my circle. I'll have to play catch up somehow
Jaysus. I don't want to be tieing the knot with anyone for at least another 5 years.
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Old 2012-08-14, 06:11   Link #10622
Dextro
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Join Date: Feb 2008
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ChainLegacy View Post
One of my closer friends was just married this weekend and my other has a girlfriend now for quite some time. Made me feel a little silly pursuing my casual liaisons when I realized I was at my buddy's wedding reception... Though I wouldn't be able to spend nearly the same amount of time with these friends as in the past, it certainly makes me think. I figured 23 was young for all this but apparently not within my circle. I'll have to play catch up somehow
I'm with DonQuigleone on this one. Not until I'm at least 28. We live till we're 80/90 years old in these day and age, why should we rush to get someone so soon? Have fun for a bit damn it.
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Old 2012-08-14, 07:10   Link #10623
Paranoid Android
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Oh my best friend hasn't been in a formal relationship and I hope he doesn't forget to hang out with me when he does.
----------------------------
Marrying at 23 does seem young for men as they are generally a few years older than their spouse. But hey, we all have different expectations. To me, raising a family is more concerning than marriage (go hand-in-hand but aren't the same).

By the time a married couple is 40, they would lose a lot ambition in their education and career. They would start paying more attention to enjoying what they have already and what they can do with the current state of the family. At that point, you could either have kids in their mid/late teens or kids that are less than 10. It makes quite a difference in your life. Especially when your overgrown kids move out. You'd still have many years of just the two of you. And then you hit that mid-age where you begin to notice your mental deterioration and possibly lose the drive to do things you wanted to do.
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Old 2012-08-14, 15:18   Link #10624
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Quote:
Originally Posted by csuree View Post
so i'm ready to accept some comments but i know what you will say... "you look very ok. honestly i know that....
You really don't have to worry about your looks, you're attractive and well-kept!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dextro View Post
I'm with DonQuigleone on this one. Not until I'm at least 28. We live till we're 80/90 years old in these day and age, why should we rush to get someone so soon? Have fun for a bit damn it.
I agree Marriage and kids are a resposibility you have for the rest of your life, there's no need to hurry. I won't find myself married before I feel ready for it. End of your twenties seems to be the point where you have some consistency in your life, like earning a decent salary and having experienced enough spontaneous adventures.
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Old 2012-08-14, 15:39   Link #10625
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ledgem View Post
It takes a lot of bravery to put photos of yourself online, in front of an anonymous audience, so I'll comment. To be perfectly honest, based on your photos, when I see guys like you I tend to assume that most women find them attractive. Granted, the way you move and behave play another large role in how you come across to others, and obviously we can't get a sense of that from the photos. But good for you - that's one thing you don't have to worry about!
QFT

Csuree You are brave to post photos on line because I can never do it. I will agree and say that you are an attractive guy. Don't appear like you want a gf too much and play it cool but not too cool. Girls will like you more if they feel they have to win you over just a little. Good luck.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Paradoxine View Post
I don't think girls don't like nice guys so much as they don't like boring guys. Besides that, you probably have a point. In any case, I probably shouldn't even be in this thread because I haven't been concerned with finding a 'partner' for years. I thought It was just worth pointing out.

Finally, I'm going to draw on one of your points about the so called 'Out of his/her league' factor. There are no league's. There is simply what you have to offer a potential partner and whether they want it. For those mathematically inclined, think of it as an equation where:

What you can offer >= What they want

Whether this is looks, social status, entertainment, comfort, respite from loneliness, financial security, don't fool yourself into thinking that the other party is the problem when you just aren't cutting it.
Possibly. I am somewhat naive and have a lot to learn about people and relationships. This is why I say that I am immature in a lot of ways. ^.^
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Old 2012-08-14, 16:35   Link #10626
csuree
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ohh thank you for those kind words....i feel flattered.

and about wanting to get a girl... i'm not rushing things.....at all.... i like taking everything slowly... (came to mind the difference between me and my bro...in driving....he had 7 accidents in 4 years, no injury only stupidity, last one this Sunday.... and i have licence since 5 years ago and no accident, only 1 speeding ticket (+2 mph above the limit). so you can guess how i am...

if i enjoy something i take it slowly....even with hooking up with a girl if she will move too fast, i think i will tell her to not to rush things. i have my perception about love and how should a relationship go in terms of evolution.

and about marrying early....don't do it.....my parents did it and they kinda struggled...i know it first hand....my mom was 20 and my dad 24 when i was born....and they started with nothing but love and hard work.....
i also respect them... in 20 years they managed to buy an apartment and to build a house and buy 2 cars with a salary of 250$+250$ / month and they (i will use a more vulgar expression) worked their a$$ off for this;

i do not think i can do this much in my life but i will try my best....i also want to give as much to my kids as my parents gave to theirs.

also i plan to get maried at around 28-29....i have to catch up cuz of the lack of exp, but if fate brings me my soulmate on the very first occasion then the plan will change :P

and thinking about it many people have 10-20 relationships before getting settled this means 5-10% success rate, but if i find it on the first try then i will have 100%. hmmmm...so i will be better than the rest HAHAHA.....

just kidding....but it made me smile a bit....these days i'm kinda happy for some unknown reason xD :P


and also Tigress,.... girls will have a tough time with me... given my multilateral personality with my peculiar tastes....i think i have the "spice" for an adventure.. i don't like to do things too much time.. even if it is fun it gets boring after a while, so i change, and adapt....but if i like something really much.. it will stick with me for like a very long time.
don't be hard on yourself.....by your posts you seem mature indeed, and anyhow you have to be a little immature else this life will get boring :P

by the way girls.. you made me curious about yourselves....so i am politely asking for a photo or two....just a teaser....you made me interested :P
if you are embarrassed i accept it as private message too... i promise i will not release them in public :P

i have like a dozen secrets i will take to my grave )
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Old 2012-08-14, 16:47   Link #10627
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tigress View Post
I am going to make a point and you guys might not like. But I will do it anyway.

Nice guy syndrome seems to come about when guys try to get girls who are clearly out of their league and usually those girls like badboys. I don't look like a model or anything since I fall under "okay looking" and I am happy that I am just me so dont think this is a superficial statement.

A slightly nerdy but cute guy who thinks he is robert pattinson or someone approaches hottest woman in the room. He makes conversation but she isn't buying it. Maybe she accepts a drink and makes conversation but she isn't into that guy really and he thinks if he could be more assertive he would get her. It is not always the case.

The pretty girl on the other side of the room is probably the one they should be approaching rather than the one with fake hair and nails and too much makeup. Hee ^.^

I see it a lot when I am out. I can be a little superficial myself sometimes when it comes to certain things. I think totally hot guys are out of my league but as example if someone has poor hygiene they are not getting anywhere. yuck.
I'm a woman myself too, but I can't seem to understand why other women prefer the "bad boys". In my case, I prefer the nice guys. I must be weird. Lol.

And yeah I kinda think the same way. That totally hot guys are out of my league as well. Lol.
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Old 2012-08-14, 19:11   Link #10628
csuree
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the theory behind the girls liking the bad boys is this. many of the women think that a nice guy is dull boring and no fun at all...meaning no new things, boring days ahead, no adventure,
But a bad boy always brings something new, always keeps the girl on the edge with a surprise, adventure every day, passionate lovemaking....etc... i think you get it....so girls crave for adventure from the bad boyz but they also crave for the security provided by the nice guyz who understand them as women as an intellectual being who needs comforting too, not just carnal desires, this is why girlz are in dilemma.

the thing is if the nice guy can show an aspect of him resembling a bad boy but also maintaining the nice guy too the it is a sure hit one strike KO for the girl :P

"the totally hot guyz are out of my league as well"......i only laugh at this.....in today's world the boyz court, but the girls get to choose it is all about marketing. if you can sell your "merchandise", or you "advertise it" well then you will find "customers". i saw many "average or below average girls who completely seduced boys by having normal amount of make-up and their hair was also done in a good manner, i don't mean to say that you girls are not doing it. no offense, but it is the advertising part that is giving you problems.

boys like to think that they are conquering the lady, but in fact is the girls lead us by the nose, and they are conquering us... there are so many seduction courses nowadays for boys....and it is all for capturing the attention of the girls. some use it to get in bed with many girls, but the original reason for these courses are that there are many-many-many "nice guys"out there who do not have the courage and hence this causes them to not have a fighting chance in falling in love, as for the cheeky bad boys, they are sleeping with numerous girls dumping them cheating on them etc....etc....

so i came up with the real problem and the solution to this which is essentially one fairly long word but it will say everything......and that word is........COMMUNICATION.......

this is the problem....the lack of communication between the guy and the girl.. the main issue is that the girls are a bit impatient and when they meet somebody they want to gt impressed real fast, so the guy who takes its time in getting to know the girl, already lost the battle...

i am that kind of guy......i simply can not impress anybody in a day or an hour.....i ususally impress somebody during the course of a few weeks....

and if the girl would sit down and talk to the guy for at least 2-3-4 days she would become interested in him,

i am not blaming only the girls, the guys have their fair share of problems too......and that is 1 word......BALLS......

we don't quite have the balls to go to a girl and talk to her in a way that impresses her.....and if you have the balls then you fail elsewhere....lack of attention nervousness, and so on.....

every now or then the two sides should just sit down and talk things over it would simplify everything.....

so don't anyone dare to say someone is out of his/her league.....it is only in your head....

it is known that some of the loneliest persons in the world are the most beautiful ones; males, females included,

that is because we normal people do not have the courage to go and talk to them ....we are afraid of made up scenarios that they will not like it when you go up to them and talk.

so courage, determination, open mindedness and optimism.... and you will get a guy/girl anytime....

(PS: and these advice came from a 24 year old virgin who did not have his first kiss in his entire life... very LOL....don't you think??)

anyhow that was only for breaking the serious tone of my post.... you can just ignore it like you never read it ok?.....if not......i will get......angry....and you don't like me when i'm angry.....

hahaha.. again this hilarious atmosphere has caught up to me.. sorry i just feel like joking every minute...

take care, and heads up.....(but beware of pigeons flying over you) as one asian philosopher once said: "Upon seeing the shadow of a bird, one must resist the urge to look up."


ooops i think i have a habit to have a long post.....i wish i was this talkative in the real life when meeting a girl....
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Old 2012-08-14, 19:42   Link #10629
Knightrunner
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I'm not sure how many people feel this way, but I think us guys have it easy just to ask who we want out compared to the gal who only can choose the people that asked her out.

I'm starting to wonder if mentioning I am a tutor is a turn off to some people though.
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Old 2012-08-14, 19:51   Link #10630
GDB
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Knightrunner View Post
I'm not sure how many people feel this way, but I think us guys have it easy just to ask who we want out compared to the gal who only can choose the people that asked her out.
What kind of Sadie Hawkins-only world are you living in? Girls are perfectly capable of asking out whoever they damn well please. And unlike guys, they usually won't get rejected unless they're nuts.
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Old 2012-08-14, 20:10   Link #10631
Jmac
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Join Date: Aug 2012
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Age: 41
Man, you guys make marriage seem the bane of humanity lol! But I agree don't rush into things because of society or pressure. But marriage with the one you truly love is the best thing in life. Granted they're some days my wife get on my nerves so bad that I want to lock her up and throw away the key, but I love her more than anything in this world. Celebrating 4 years of marriage this year :P. Patience will reward you
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Old 2012-08-14, 20:48   Link #10632
Samari
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Age: 36
I got married a few months ago. I'm 24. It's okay thus far.
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Old 2012-08-14, 20:53   Link #10633
Ledgem
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Originally Posted by Paranoid Android View Post
Marrying at 23 does seem young for men as they are generally a few years older than their spouse. But hey, we all have different expectations. To me, raising a family is more concerning than marriage (go hand-in-hand but aren't the same).
Shrug. I'm a few months older than my wife; when we married I was 24 and she was at the end of being 23. We had been together for 3-4 years before that point. While I sometimes wonder what it would have been like to go through my mid-20's with no truly committed relationship, I know myself well enough to know that I wouldn't have enjoyed it or "made use of it." We're both working toward the same, demanding career, and it's been wonderful to be able to learn from and support each other as we go through it. When it comes down to it, she's as perfect for me as I could realistically expect from anyone. I cherish the time I have with her, and look forward to going through the rest of my life with her. It's why I proposed to her in the first place.

Don't set superficial targets for things like getting married. I never thought that I would get married in my early 20's; I always figured it would be the late 20's or early 30's. But then, I never counted on meeting such a wonderful woman at that stage of my life. We dated for a few years before I proposed to her, so it's not the case that I rushed it - you should certainly take your time to evaluate the person, and consider the marriage potential. But if you've found the right person, even if it's earlier (or later) than you were planning, then why not? Life never goes according to plan anyway

Quote:
Originally Posted by Samari View Post
I got married a few months ago. I'm 24. It's okay thus far.
Exciting news - congratulations!
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Old 2012-08-15, 05:39   Link #10634
Dextro
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Samari View Post
I got married a few months ago. I'm 24. It's okay thus far.
Congratulations then.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jmac View Post
Man, you guys make marriage seem the bane of humanity lol! But I agree don't rush into things because of society or pressure. But marriage with the one you truly love is the best thing in life. Granted they're some days my wife get on my nerves so bad that I want to lock her up and throw away the key, but I love her more than anything in this world. Celebrating 4 years of marriage this year :P. Patience will reward you
My thing with marriage is not seeing it as a bane or something but seeing it as completely and utterly useless. I find it extremely unfair that some people get tax breaks and other government advantages just because they signed a contract with each other. It's a seriously outdated notion and to me represents yet another way that religion has affected everyday life. If I ever get married it'll probably be because whoever I'm with wants to, not because I'll particularly push for it.
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Old 2012-08-15, 09:03   Link #10635
Tigress
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ledgem View Post
Shrug. I'm a few months older than my wife; when we married I was 24 and she was at the end of being 23. We had been together for 3-4 years before that point. While I sometimes wonder what it would have been like to go through my mid-20's with no truly committed relationship, I know myself well enough to know that I wouldn't have enjoyed it or "made use of it." We're both working toward the same, demanding career, and it's been wonderful to be able to learn from and support each other as we go through it. When it comes down to it, she's as perfect for me as I could realistically expect from anyone. I cherish the time I have with her, and look forward to going through the rest of my life with her. It's why I proposed to her in the first place.

Don't set superficial targets for things like getting married. I never thought that I would get married in my early 20's; I always figured it would be the late 20's or early 30's. But then, I never counted on meeting such a wonderful woman at that stage of my life. We dated for a few years before I proposed to her, so it's not the case that I rushed it - you should certainly take your time to evaluate the person, and consider the marriage potential. But if you've found the right person, even if it's earlier (or later) than you were planning, then why not? Life never goes according to plan anyway


Exciting news - congratulations!
That's so beautiful. I believe the same really. If I found someone who adored me as much as I him then I would not let him go. My favourite auntie who is such a sweet lady and I sometimes spend some summers with her is a role model of what not to do. She told me about the guy she was dating when they were both 21. They mutually split because they were too young to marry but she really loved him. Now she regrets it with everything because the one she went on to marry in the end left her with 2 small kids and went off with another one. Her kids are my age now but she never dated anyone again. I would never want to settle for second best like she did. ^.^
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Old 2012-08-15, 12:22   Link #10636
csuree
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ohhh.. yep you are right, never settle for 2nd place when you have the chance to win.

many times i think if girls nowadays are so liberal in terms of mentality so they go and ask boys out....where were they when i needed them the most.....
ok i'm just kidding, but girls do go after the guy they like but in an indirect way, to make the guy notice her, so if you ever encounter a girl like that, go for it (if you are single); i'm not a fan of cheating, i am actually against it, break up if you don't like your partner...no?

and one little thing to add... when you are in love you see the world in pink so sometimes you end up with the wrong person even if they love each other....so i think some rational thought might be good to insert there not just the feeling....

i think i never had the situation where a girl tried to make me notice her.....or i was too preoccupied with something else....that was my biggest fear in high school.....that i chase after a girl and ignore or not notice the one that chases me...

up until now i have no info about it but if i heard that there was a girl that liked me then.....i'd do something regrettable for being an ignorant fool about the only chance that could have made my high school life bearable.

anyway enough of the past.. we live in the present and there are a ton of girls waiting for me out there....so i have to get to work.....

i was searching yesterday on badoo for girls in my zone just to see the "merchandise" and i think i have a weakness for girls whose eyes are captivating (blue, green, grey) and also i prefer girls with longer hair....short hair is for boys i think, but i saw many girls who looked awesome with short hair so it depends on the person...
generally i would say that a girl appeals to me enough when i look at her from head to toe and the general aspect gives off harmony in her beauty....
this is why i don't say i prefer girls with huge racks although flat chest is a no-no or something like that....
if i look at a girl and that harmony is present then she is on my "hunting list"
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Old 2012-08-15, 12:43   Link #10637
Pink Cow
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Join Date: Aug 2011
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Quote:
Originally Posted by csuree View Post
the theory behind the girls liking the bad boys is this. many of the women think that a nice guy is dull boring and no fun at all...meaning no new things, boring days ahead, no adventure,
But a bad boy always brings something new, always keeps the girl on the edge with a surprise, adventure every day, passionate lovemaking....etc... i think you get it....so girls crave for adventure from the bad boyz but they also crave for the security provided by the nice guyz who understand them as women as an intellectual being who needs comforting too, not just carnal desires, this is why girlz are in dilemma.

the thing is if the nice guy can show an aspect of him resembling a bad boy but also maintaining the nice guy too the it is a sure hit one strike KO for the girl :P
Makes sense. But not all nice guys are dull and boring. I did meet a few who had a few surprises up their sleeves. XP I must be lucky. Lol.

Quote:
Originally Posted by csuree View Post
"the totally hot guyz are out of my league as well"......i only laugh at this.....in today's world the boyz court, but the girls get to choose it is all about marketing. if you can sell your "merchandise", or you "advertise it" well then you will find "customers". i saw many "average or below average girls who completely seduced boys by having normal amount of make-up and their hair was also done in a good manner, i don't mean to say that you girls are not doing it. no offense, but it is the advertising part that is giving you problems.
Reminds me of what a friend told me. He said, "if you have it, flaunt it". Lol. But I'm not one to really flaunt anything or what. In fact, I'm pretty tomboyish. I don't like wearing "too girly" clothes or revealing clothes. I don't wear make-up either. But it's not like I look for the totally hot guys. It's just a big bonus. I'm fine with the average kind of guy as long as we click.
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Old 2012-08-15, 12:51   Link #10638
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GDB View Post
What kind of Sadie Hawkins-only world are you living in? Girls are perfectly capable of asking out whoever they damn well please.
Indeed we are!
Quote:
Originally Posted by GDB View Post
And unlike guys, they usually won't get rejected unless they're nuts.
That's nonsense, though
Everyone gets rejected sometimes.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Samari View Post
I got married a few months ago. I'm 24. It's okay thus far.
Congrats! I sincerely wish the best for the both of you

@young marriage, don't get me wrong, people are free to do what they like, I simply don't see it as an option for myself to get married anywhere in the next 3-4 years.
I actually know quite many young parents or married couples and know that age doesn't have much to say when it comes to happiness.

There are many reasons for me not to think about marriage anytime soon, but anyone else might not see them as an hinderence at all. It's all a question of priorities.

I still have to confess: I'm somewhat sceptical when it comes to young marriage and getting (planned) kids at a young age.
Simply because many don't think enough about the consequences and waltz into their responibilties only thinking about how great everything will be. Then they throw in the towel, because it was too hard after all ...
Being naive is fine, if it only affects you, but when kids get involved I'm alarmed.

As I said, young marriage isn't bad, but considering the differences in experiences and what not I personally could never do it.
But I sincerely wish all married couples the best - no matter the age. It's always a challenge, even if you waited an eternity to tie the knot. There's never a guarantee, but I still hope that I'll find happiness in a 'boring' married life sometime later in my life
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Old 2012-08-15, 14:17   Link #10639
Yolks
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Join Date: Jul 2011
I always thought the problem with "nice" guys was the passive aggressive idea that "being nice" solicited an equal return of love/romance/sex. Sometimes girls just don't have feelings for a guy, regardless of how charming or handsome he is. And I've found in most of my experiences, the "nice guy" that complains about girls isn't that nice at all. Believing that love if given should be received wholesomely and reciprocated, seems....devious.

But, that isn't to say that nice guys are sneaky and manipulative for the sake of love. My good pals are leaps and bounds nicer than I am and were the bees knees for a lot of girls in school. And I find that it's not being nice nor dangerous that really got girls attracted to them, it was simply because they had a lot of fun. Everybody enjoys being around people that can make them laugh or feel a wee bit of happiness.
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Old 2012-08-15, 17:04   Link #10640
DonQuigleone
Knight Errant
 
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Dublin, Ireland
Age: 35
So, 24 is young for marriage now?

Well, my great grandmother got married at 16.

My mother gave birth to her first child at 28 (after being married a few years).

On the flip side, my dad was 40 when that first kid was born.

I think 24 is young for men, but about average for women.
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