Nanoha FanFiction Discussion

[TheShinySword]

Title Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha: Mirrored Souls: Fate
Genre: Joint fanfiction
Summary: Do to a time paradox, Nanoha somehow swaps places with her nine year old self.
Rating: T
Links:Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Part 15, Part 16, Part 17,

Title: Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha: Mirrored Souls: Nanoha
Genre: Joint fanfiction
Summary: Do to a time paradox, Nanoha somehow swaps places with her nine year old self.
Rating: T
Links: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8,
Part 9
Title: Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha: Mirrored Souls: Vivio
Genre: Joint fanfiction
Summary: Do to a time paradox, Nanoha somehow swaps places with her nine year old self.
Rating: T
Links: Part 1

Fate:Unclaimed
Nanoha:Unclaimed
Vivio: Unclaimed

*Has dragged up Satashi's Archive and added in the last part*

Go go claim and write.

Edit: Page claimed in the name of Revival

[Thesinwithin]

Claim Fate.

Spoiler for Mirrored Souls - Fate Side:

Nanoha would not go to sleep. Fate closed her eyes and tried ignore the constant fidgeting beside her as she took deep, controlled breaths that gave the illusion, at least to her young bed partner, that she was asleep. This was too much for her, and the constant fear of somehow never getting to see Nanoha again, and yet being teased by the presence of this young girl that would somehow grow up to steal Fate’s heart away. Now, if only she would stop twitching.

After a few more minutes and nothing changing in little Nanoha’s actions, Fate reached across the younger girl and pulled her close. “Stop moving,” she said tiredly, before closing her eyes and trying not to feel too guilty about holding the little girl in her half-awake state.

After Bardiche’s scans had turned up nothing concrete about the ‘other Zaffy’ that Vivio had seen, Fate had found herself in a three-way teleconference between herself, Hayate and Signum, off world on assignment for the next two days. They’d spoken in an old code that they hadn’t used since the time when Hayate was still fairly low-ranked in the military; but the message got across to Hayate very clearly. Fate did not feel safe taking care of Vivio on top of her duties to keep track of the young Nanoha that their universe had suddenly found themselves playing host to. The problem was simply that they didn’t know how to fix the situation, as they were still waiting on the Geo-dimensional Defensive Initiative to come up with something that could restore Nanoha to her rightful dimension.

“Fate-chan?” Nanoha asked.

“Mmmn?” Fate hummed, her nose buried in Nanoha’s hair. It still smelled the same, and at least now Nanoha wasn’t squirming so much. She might actually be able to fall asleep at this rate.

Only now Nanoha was talking.

She wasn’t going to get any sleep at all.

“I’m scared. I don’t like it here. Everything is so big, so much bigger than anything I’ve ever been a part in.” Fate had been wondering when this detail was going to come out. She’d noticed that Nanoha had been uncomfortable with the military hierarchy that Fate and Hayate strictly adhered themselves to, and the idea of taking orders was rather lost on Nanoha when they’d been in battle earlier.

Fate supposed that she was lucky that Nanoha was confiding in her, because now she could actually work towards making the little girl feel more comfortable in such a situation.

“It’s big, isn’t it?” Fate said, rolling over onto her back. She stared at the ceiling for a minute, “What you’ve got to understand, Nanoha, is that we’ve been doing this for a long time – Nanoha and I. We’re used to it, and you’ve just been thrown into a situation where people expect you to think and function like the you from this dimension – the forget that you don’t have the training or the magical skill to do any of that.”

Nanoha sat up, her eyes bright in the darkness. Fate couldn’t tell if she’d been crying, but she remembered that it had taken Nanoha a long time after the Book of Darkness incident to cry on her own – Nanoha simply tried so hard to be strong for everyone around her.

Fate shrugged, “I think that I might be partly to blame, Nanoha, because I’ve been treating you like an adult instead of a child because I know that you’re capable of functioning as one.” She reached up and caressed the girl’s cheek. “But you’re just a little girl, aren’t you? A little girl stuck in a scary situation that you don’t really understand.”

“Fate-chan,” Nanoha said, leaning into Fate’s hand on her cheek. “Thank you.”

And then Nanoha did something that Fate had not anticipated. She’d been expecting tears or more frightened babbling, but not this, never this.

She was only nine fucking years old, after all.

And yet Nanoha had kissed her, very gently on the cheek.

Fate felt her cheeks burning as she reminded herself that it would be a very long time before the Fate in this Nanoha’s world would experience the same affection.

“Good night.” Nanoha said, burrowing back under the covers and leaving Fate to try and figure out what exactly had just happened.

Nanoha’s presence in this world – this Nanoha’s presence – was somehow changing the little girl’s perspective on the world and Fate was positive that that was a bad thing. She didn’t like many of the memories from her past, but she would not change her struggle to get where she was now for anything.

She worried that Nanoha’s experiences in this world would somehow alter her perspective on how she would handle future conflicts in her own world.

And that kiss…

Fate put a hand on her cheek and closed her eyes.

This was going to be a long night.

Also: Fat Bottomed Girls is sort of the best mood music for writing angst ever.... lol no.

[Evil Rick]

Chapter 5

Vatican Knights

Spoiler for Party:

We were very happyI must admitt, we had succeded in our first mission as Vatican Knights, at our return to the Vatican we felt like the strongests warriors that had ever exixsted, to celebrate, Dr. Van Hellsing (The leader of the order in that time) Ordered a special food to Karil, Alphonse, Helga, Jasper and me, Golden Fried Chicken, Salads with the finnest ingredients, Sweet apple juice, Roast Beef and (of course) chocolates and pastries, all just for our succes to defeat the Banshee, God, I felt like a 6 years old girl in Christmas

After the dinner Inoticed that Karil wasn't in the saloon, now that was strange for me, Karil had been all the dinner sitted at my side, but I knew exactly were to find here. In the roof of the edifice we slept, there was a huge statue of a gargyole, that was our secret place, were me and Karil liked to be, together, telling storyes and laughing, like the good friends we had always been

I gone to our place and indeed, she was there, sitted at the Gargyolas feets, looking at the night sky, my dear friend Karil

"Hi"

"Oh, hi Vivio!" She looked happy to see me

"What are you doing here? Did the party bored you?"

"Of course not, it's just that..." She tried to hide her look of me

"What's the problem?"

"Well,if you haven't saved me from the Banshee's acid I... I shall died, and I shall pissed of the celebration" My dear Karil, always thinking in the others before on herself

"Well, Do you think that I shall let that thing to kill my dear Karil?"

She remained silent just looking at me

"You are my best friend, I will never leat that something happen to you" I told her

"Thanks Vivio, and you know that I will do anything for you" She told me while she holded my hand

"You will?"

"Yes, of course!"

"So if I ask you to eat durtch... Shall you do it?" Until now, I still don't know why I asked her that

"Of course I will... but shall you ask me to do that?"

uh, oh, busted

"Of coursenot you idiot, you are my best friend" I told her quickly, she laughed and rested her head on my shoulder

After some hours, Karil and I returned to the Saloon, there Alphonse came to us and toldus

"Girls, we have a problem"

"What? What is it?" I asked him

"Another Slave had appeared, Drako Sasuske wants to see us"

We gonw quickly to Sasuke's room, oh yeah, I almost forgot, Drako Sasuke was a Dragon, yes, a real Dragon. Hewas very kind with us, although he was a Dragon, he was very small, plus he hasn't arms, legs, wings or even the capacity to launch fire, but he had a better ability, Drako Sasuke had the ability to detect Slaves of the Dark (And also it was tolded that he could read the future, but I never knew if this was true)

When we entered at Sasuke's room he was sitted (as alway) smokyng from his pipe he gone directly to the point

"The slave will appear in an old musseum, in Paris you must go quickly, watch out, this one is moredangerous that the previus you fought"

It was time to work

[Kazu-kun]

Originally Posted by Kagerou

Which is why Nanoha tries to backpedal and make it not sound as bad. It's one of those "oh wow that sounded really awful" moments, when you say something and it sounds ten times worse than what you meant it to :3 . Rest assured that there's no homophobia in this story.

Spoiler:

I actually was thinking more about Nanoha's last line in that paragraph. I mean, if a guy thinks there's something wrong with two women loving each other (regardless of the fact that Nanoha and Fate are not like that in this case), that guy is an idiot and doesn't deserve Vivio at all. IMO, the Nanoha we know and love would be the first to point that out, and immediately proceed to blast the asshole to pieces. So having her being concerned about the possibility of Vivio losing chances with that kind of guys comes as quite OOC to me.

[Keroko]

Originally Posted by Kazu-kun

Spoiler:

I actually was thinking more about Nanoha's last line in that paragraph. I mean, if a guy thinks there's something wrong with two women loving each other (regardless of the fact that Nanoha and Fate are not like that in this case), that guy is an idiot and doesn't deserve Vivio at all. IMO, the Nanoha we know and love would be the first to point that out, and immediately proceed to blast the asshole to pieces. So having her being concerned about the possibility of Vivio losing chances with that kind of guys comes as quite OOC to me.

actually, the Nanoha we know and love would be far more concerned with what people think of Vivio then what people think of her, I think Kagerou's writing was a typical Nanoha reaction.

[Rockfest]

Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha TravellerS

The Wheel of Time turns, and Ages come and pass,
leaving memories that become legend.
Legend fades to myth, and even myth is long forgotten
when the Age that gave it birth comes again.

What was, what will be, and what is,
May yet fall under the Shadow

Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha TravellerS will now begin.

Chapter 1 (The Eye of the World) – Prologue

Spoiler for Prologue:

The world was colored in a shade of gray. It was as if she wasn’t a part of what was happening around her which was to say, was complete chaos. All around her, knights were fighting, for what, she did not know. She attempted to use her magic, but could not do so in this strange world. As she walked she thought she recognized some of the people she saw, but when she called out to them, they acted as though she wasn’t there. Then she realized that she couldn’t talk, “Where am I?”

“What you see before you are the events that have long past, events that have yet to fulfill their place in destiny,” replied a mysterious voice.

Confused, she responded to the voice that came from nowhere. “Who are you? What are you talking about?”

Once again the mysterious voice called out. “The Wheel of Time weaves the Pattern of the Ages. What was, what will be, and what is…”

When she was about to respond, the world began to crack and the shade of grey disappeared. One of the fighting knights noticed her and attacked with his sword. She was helpless, she could not gather any of her magic and just as she was about to be struck...

“… Up, …ha wake up, NANOHA wake up!”

When Nanoha woke up, she saw Fate beside her in bed.

“Oh thank goodness you finally woke up. You were moving around and sweating. Did you have a bad dream?”

“I don’t know Fate-chan. Where’s Vivio?” said Nanoha, still confused about what had happened.

Sounding worried Fate said, “Vivio is safe. Don’t you remember? You rescued her from the Cradle 2 days ago.”

“Ah, right. I remember. Sorry for making you worry Fate-chan.”

“Try to get some rest, you’ll feel better in the morning.”

Trying not to think about it Nanoha went back to sleep but something kept sticking in her mind, she couldn’t feel Raging Heart in that strange world. It was a feeling that she hoped one day would never come. “Good Night.”

Elsewhere

A monitor appeared in a room. “It’s time; gather the Ta’varen Sister Schach.”

“Right away, Knight Carim,” said Sister Schach and the monitor disappeared.

“It’s time that the 2nd part of the prophecy is fulfilled.”

Chapter 1 (The Eye of the World) – Part 1 Preview

Spoiler for Preview:

The Wheel of Time turns and Ages come and pass.

“I’ll be back, don’t worry about it”

“I’m sorry but I have to ask that you not accompany your mistress on this mission. “

“Just bear with the pain, it will only hurt for a little while.”

Darkness shall break the world.

“What’s with this feeling? Raging Heart…”

The world we arrived in was different from the world that we left.

“Nanoha, watch out!”

“Y-You can’t be, why are you here?”

History is about to be made.

My first attempt. Don't kill me?

[Kazu-kun]

Originally Posted by Keroko

actually, the Nanoha we know and love would be far more concerned with what people think of Vivio then what people think of her, I think Kagerou's writing was a typical Nanoha reaction.

That's not my point. Nanoha being concerned about what people think of Vivio, yes, but about Vivio losing opportunities with guys, and stupid guys at that, not at all. That's what Kagerou wrote, and seems OOC to me. If anything, Nanoha would behave like Nanoha's father in Satashi's story: being absolutely negative to any possible suitor at first, and only showing acceptance if said person proves to be worthy.

[Evil Rick]

Phew! At last, images of Karil Nightstar, Alphonse Cross, Helga Daymon and Jasper Green are ready

Spoiler for Vivio's Friends:

[Advent000]

Originally Posted by Rockfest

Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha TravellerS

The Wheel of Time turns, and Ages come and pass,
leaving memories that become legend.
Legend fades to myth, and even myth is long forgotten
when the Age that gave it birth comes again.

What was, what will be, and what is,
May yet fall under the Shadow

Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha TravellerS will now begin.

Chapter 1 (The Eye of the World) – Prologue

Spoiler for Prologue:

The world was colored in a shade of gray. It was as if she wasn’t a part of what was happening around her which was to say, was complete chaos. All around her, knights were fighting, for what, she did not know. She attempted to use her magic, but could not do so in this strange world. As she walked she thought she recognized some of the people she saw, but when she called out to them, they acted as though she wasn’t there. Then she realized that she couldn’t talk, “Where am I?”

“What you see before you are the events that have long past, events that have yet to fulfill their place in destiny,” replied a mysterious voice.

Confused, she responded to the voice that came from nowhere. “Who are you? What are you talking about?”

Once again the mysterious voice called out. “The Wheel of Time weaves the Pattern of the Ages. What was, what will be, and what is…”

When she was about to respond, the world began to crack and the shade of grey disappeared. One of the fighting knights noticed her and attacked with his sword. She was helpless, she could not gather any of her magic and just as she was about to be struck...

“… Up, …ha wake up, NANOHA wake up!”

When Nanoha woke up, she saw Fate beside her in bed.

“Oh thank goodness you finally woke up. You were moving around and sweating. Did you have a bad dream?”

“I don’t know Fate-chan. Where’s Vivio?” said Nanoha, still confused about what had happened.

Sounding worried Fate said, “Vivio is safe. Don’t you remember? You rescued her from the Cradle 2 days ago.”

“Ah, right. I remember. Sorry for making you worry Fate-chan.”

“Try to get some rest, you’ll feel better in the morning.”

Trying not to think about it Nanoha went back to sleep but something kept sticking in her mind, she couldn’t feel Raging Heart in that strange world. It was a feeling that she hoped one day would never come. “Good Night.”

Elsewhere

A monitor appeared in a room. “It’s time; gather the Ta’varen Sister Schach.”

“Right away, Knight Carim,” said Sister Schach and the monitor disappeared.

“It’s time that the 2nd part of the prophecy is fulfilled.”

Chapter 1 (The Eye of the World) – Part 1 Preview

Spoiler for Preview:

The Wheel of Time turns and Ages come and pass.

“I’ll be back, don’t worry about it”

“I’m sorry but I have to ask that you not accompany your mistress on this mission. “

“Just bear with the pain, it will only hurt for a little while.”

Darkness shall break the world.

“What’s with this feeling? Raging Heart…”

The world we arrived in was different from the world that we left.

“Nanoha, watch out!”

“Y-You can’t be, why are you here?”

History is about to be made.

My first attempt. Don't kill me?

This is interesting.

[markesellus]

Originally Posted by Momo Chan

Oh, awesome! Can't wait >_<

But....isn't tomorrow Monday?

Time differences.

Originally Posted by Thesinwithin

Hey guys, I think that I need to stop planning out my stories, because I just wrote myself that reads, and I quote

Spoiler for uh... whut?:

"Fate is injured in next fight AND SOMEHOW GROWS TENTACLES."

I blame Caramelldansen on repeat.

Anyway, I'm glad that you all liked my Vivio and Marcus story. I think that this but will have one or two more random parts. And don't worry, Vivio'd been dating him for a while at the point that the second installment took place - so the hands up the skirt was... probably expected on some level...

Interesting. Some pretty weird stuff comes to mind as well. I always listen to Caramelldansen on repeat.

Originally Posted by TheShinySword

While working on a scene in MBLZ I was inspired to write this.

Spoiler for Yuuno meet Vivio:

“Yuuno-kun this is Vivio,” Nanoha urged her daughter out from around her leg.
Vivio looked up at the man who was—to her—a giant. Her expression was a mix of confusion, fear and sleepiness.
Yuuno crouched down to her level, that gentle smile of his on his face. “Hello Vivio, I’m Yuuno Scrya.”
Vivio blinked a few times before reaching out and snatching his glasses. She put them on her face and looked around, obviously having a hard time seeing through the blurry lenses. She looked up at Nanoha or at least Nanoha’s general direction as the glasses made it impossible for her to tell where she was. “Mama who this?”
Nanoha and Fate giggled and Yuuno chuckled.
Nanoha bent down and removed Yuuno’s glasses, “This is one of Mama’s best friends.”
“Mama?” Yuuno took his glasses from Nanoha with a playful smile.
“Vivio has two mamas!” Vivio puffed up her chest proudly. “Nanoha-mama and Fate-mama.”
“Nanoha-mama and Fate-mama…” Yuuno paled and looked away sadly. “I see…”
“Ano Yuuno-kun…” Nanoha scratched the side of her head. “It’s not—”
“Congratulations Fate please be kind to her,” he sighed. “Don’t mind this ferret.”
Vivio patted the depressed librarian’s head, “Don’t be sad.”
“Yuuno you’re mistaken,” Fate tried to make Yuuno see the truth.
Yuuno ignored them lost in his own dark little world.
“Raising Heart Set Up!” If Yuuno wouldn’t listen Nanoha would make him.
All right.
“Isn’t that a little extreme?” Fate looked from Nanoha to Yuuno in panic before picking up Vivio and moving her out of the blast range.
“Starlight!”
Yuuno snapped out of his daze. “Nanoha! I’m okay really!”
“Breaker!”
Yuuno’s screams echoed throughout a ten mile radius.

How many days has it been since someone wrote a new mirrored souls part?

Poor Yuuno I kind of felt bad for him. But I still ended up laughing...a lot.

Originally Posted by TheShinySword

Go go claim and write.

Edit: Page claimed in the name of Revival

Yes! Revival is needed!

Originally Posted by Thesinwithin

Claim Fate.

Spoiler for Mirrored Souls - Fate Side:

Nanoha would not go to sleep. Fate closed her eyes and tried ignore the constant fidgeting beside her as she took deep, controlled breaths that gave the illusion, at least to her young bed partner, that she was asleep. This was too much for her, and the constant fear of somehow never getting to see Nanoha again, and yet being teased by the presence of this young girl that would somehow grow up to steal Fate’s heart away. Now, if only she would stop twitching.

After a few more minutes and nothing changing in little Nanoha’s actions, Fate reached across the younger girl and pulled her close. “Stop moving,” she said tiredly, before closing her eyes and trying not to feel too guilty about holding the little girl in her half-awake state.

After Bardiche’s scans had turned up nothing concrete about the ‘other Zaffy’ that Vivio had seen, Fate had found herself in a three-way teleconference between herself, Hayate and Signum, off world on assignment for the next two days. They’d spoken in an old code that they hadn’t used since the time when Hayate was still fairly low-ranked in the military; but the message got across to Hayate very clearly. Fate did not feel safe taking care of Vivio on top of her duties to keep track of the young Nanoha that their universe had suddenly found themselves playing host to. The problem was simply that they didn’t know how to fix the situation, as they were still waiting on the Geo-dimensional Defensive Initiative to come up with something that could restore Nanoha to her rightful dimension.

“Fate-chan?” Nanoha asked.

“Mmmn?” Fate hummed, her nose buried in Nanoha’s hair. It still smelled the same, and at least now Nanoha wasn’t squirming so much. She might actually be able to fall asleep at this rate.

Only now Nanoha was talking.

She wasn’t going to get any sleep at all.

“I’m scared. I don’t like it here. Everything is so big, so much bigger than anything I’ve ever been a part in.” Fate had been wondering when this detail was going to come out. She’d noticed that Nanoha had been uncomfortable with the military hierarchy that Fate and Hayate strictly adhered themselves to, and the idea of taking orders was rather lost on Nanoha when they’d been in battle earlier.

Fate supposed that she was lucky that Nanoha was confiding in her, because now she could actually work towards making the little girl feel more comfortable in such a situation.

“It’s big, isn’t it?” Fate said, rolling over onto her back. She stared at the ceiling for a minute, “What you’ve got to understand, Nanoha, is that we’ve been doing this for a long time – Nanoha and I. We’re used to it, and you’ve just been thrown into a situation where people expect you to think and function like the you from this dimension – the forget that you don’t have the training or the magical skill to do any of that.”

Nanoha sat up, her eyes bright in the darkness. Fate couldn’t tell if she’d been crying, but she remembered that it had taken Nanoha a long time after the Book of Darkness incident to cry on her own – Nanoha simply tried so hard to be strong for everyone around her.

Fate shrugged, “I think that I might be partly to blame, Nanoha, because I’ve been treating you like an adult instead of a child because I know that you’re capable of functioning as one.” She reached up and caressed the girl’s cheek. “But you’re just a little girl, aren’t you? A little girl stuck in a scary situation that you don’t really understand.”

“Fate-chan,” Nanoha said, leaning into Fate’s hand on her cheek. “Thank you.”

And then Nanoha did something that Fate had not anticipated. She’d been expecting tears or more frightened babbling, but not this, never this.

She was only nine fucking years old, after all.

And yet Nanoha had kissed her, very gently on the cheek.

Fate felt her cheeks burning as she reminded herself that it would be a very long time before the Fate in this Nanoha’s world would experience the same affection.

“Good night.” Nanoha said, burrowing back under the covers and leaving Fate to try and figure out what exactly had just happened.

Nanoha’s presence in this world – this Nanoha’s presence – was somehow changing the little girl’s perspective on the world and Fate was positive that that was a bad thing. She didn’t like many of the memories from her past, but she would not change her struggle to get where she was now for anything.

She worried that Nanoha’s experiences in this world would somehow alter her perspective on how she would handle future conflicts in her own world.

And that kiss…

Fate put a hand on her cheek and closed her eyes.

This was going to be a long night.

Also: Fat Bottomed Girls is sort of the best mood music for writing angst ever.... lol no.

OMG! A new part! Well one of the pictures actually happened. Hooray for kisses. Even if it was only on the cheek. Fat Bottomed Girls is also another song I listen to a lot on repeat.

Originally Posted by Evil Rick

<_<
>_>

Answer...

JUST KIDDING!! >.<

Honestly, no I'm not kidding

So your serious...what was that by the way? I still don't understand how you get names from that.

Originally Posted by Evil Rick

Chapter 5

Vatican Knights

Spoiler for Party:

We were very happyI must admitt, we had succeded in our first mission as Vatican Knights, at our return to the Vatican we felt like the strongests warriors that had ever exixsted, to celebrate, Dr. Van Hellsing (The leader of the order in that time) Ordered a special food to Karil, Alphonse, Helga, Jasper and me, Golden Fried Chicken, Salads with the finnest ingredients, Sweet apple juice, Roast Beef and (of course) chocolates and pastries, all just for our succes to defeat the Banshee, God, I felt like a 6 years old girl in Christmas

After the dinner Inoticed that Karil wasn't in the saloon, now that was strange for me, Karil had been all the dinner sitted at my side, but I knew exactly were to find here. In the roof of the edifice we slept, there was a huge statue of a gargyole, that was our secret place, were me and Karil liked to be, together, telling storyes and laughing, like the good friends we had always been

I gone to our place and indeed, she was there, sitted at the Gargyolas feets, looking at the night sky, my dear friend Karil

"Hi"

"Oh, hi Vivio!" She looked happy to see me

"What are you doing here? Did the party bored you?"

"Of course not, it's just that..." She tried to hide her look of me

"What's the problem?"

"Well,if you haven't saved me from the Banshee's acid I... I shall died, and I shall pissed of the celebration" My dear Karil, always thinking in the others before on herself

"Well, Do you think that I shall let that thing to kill my dear Karil?"

She remained silent just looking at me

"You are my best friend, I will never leat that something happen to you" I told her

"Thanks Vivio, and you know that I will do anything for you" She told me while she holded my hand

"You will?"

"Yes, of course!"

"So if I ask you to eat durtch... Shall you do it?" Until now, I still don't know why I asked her that

"Of course I will... but shall you ask me to do that?"

uh, oh, busted

"Of coursenot you idiot, you are my best friend" I told her quickly, she laughed and rested her head on my shoulder

After some hours, Karil and I returned to the Saloon, there Alphonse came to us and toldus

"Girls, we have a problem"

"What? What is it?" I asked him

"Another Slave had appeared, Drako Sasuske wants to see us"

We gonw quickly to Sasuke's room, oh yeah, I almost forgot, Drako Sasuke was a Dragon, yes, a real Dragon. Hewas very kind with us, although he was a Dragon, he was very small, plus he hasn't arms, legs, wings or even the capacity to launch fire, but he had a better ability, Drako Sasuke had the ability to detect Slaves of the Dark (And also it was tolded that he could read the future, but I never knew if this was true)

When we entered at Sasuke's room he was sitted (as alway) smokyng from his pipe he gone directly to the point

"The slave will appear in an old musseum, in Paris you must go quickly, watch out, this one is moredangerous that the previus you fought"

It was time to work

So the part where Vivio and Karil are talking there are alot of typos that i couldn't understand. I think I got the basic idea. Because you said Sasuke was a dragon the picture that came to mind was A dragon with wings and Sasuke's (from Naruto) face pasted on where the head would be. Very weird image. But excited for the new part. dangerous slaves!

Originally Posted by Rockfest

Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha TravellerS

The Wheel of Time turns, and Ages come and pass,
leaving memories that become legend.
Legend fades to myth, and even myth is long forgotten
when the Age that gave it birth comes again.

What was, what will be, and what is,
May yet fall under the Shadow

Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha TravellerS will now begin.

Chapter 1 (The Eye of the World) – Prologue

Spoiler for Prologue:

The world was colored in a shade of gray. It was as if she wasn’t a part of what was happening around her which was to say, was complete chaos. All around her, knights were fighting, for what, she did not know. She attempted to use her magic, but could not do so in this strange world. As she walked she thought she recognized some of the people she saw, but when she called out to them, they acted as though she wasn’t there. Then she realized that she couldn’t talk, “Where am I?”

“What you see before you are the events that have long past, events that have yet to fulfill their place in destiny,” replied a mysterious voice.

Confused, she responded to the voice that came from nowhere. “Who are you? What are you talking about?”

Once again the mysterious voice called out. “The Wheel of Time weaves the Pattern of the Ages. What was, what will be, and what is…”

When she was about to respond, the world began to crack and the shade of grey disappeared. One of the fighting knights noticed her and attacked with his sword. She was helpless, she could not gather any of her magic and just as she was about to be struck...

“… Up, …ha wake up, NANOHA wake up!”

When Nanoha woke up, she saw Fate beside her in bed.

“Oh thank goodness you finally woke up. You were moving around and sweating. Did you have a bad dream?”

“I don’t know Fate-chan. Where’s Vivio?” said Nanoha, still confused about what had happened.

Sounding worried Fate said, “Vivio is safe. Don’t you remember? You rescued her from the Cradle 2 days ago.”

“Ah, right. I remember. Sorry for making you worry Fate-chan.”

“Try to get some rest, you’ll feel better in the morning.”

Trying not to think about it Nanoha went back to sleep but something kept sticking in her mind, she couldn’t feel Raging Heart in that strange world. It was a feeling that she hoped one day would never come. “Good Night.”

Elsewhere

A monitor appeared in a room. “It’s time; gather the Ta’varen Sister Schach.”

“Right away, Knight Carim,” said Sister Schach and the monitor disappeared.

“It’s time that the 2nd part of the prophecy is fulfilled.”

Chapter 1 (The Eye of the World) – Part 1 Preview

Spoiler for Preview:

The Wheel of Time turns and Ages come and pass.

“I’ll be back, don’t worry about it”

“I’m sorry but I have to ask that you not accompany your mistress on this mission. “

“Just bear with the pain, it will only hurt for a little while.”

Darkness shall break the world.

“What’s with this feeling? Raging Heart…”

The world we arrived in was different from the world that we left.

“Nanoha, watch out!”

“Y-You can’t be, why are you here?”

History is about to be made.

My first attempt. Don't kill me?

That's better than my first attempt. Sounds very cool. Can't wait for more!

[markesellus]

Originally Posted by Evil Rick

Phew! At last, images of Karil Nightstar, Alphonse Cross, Helga Daymon and Jasper Green are ready

Spoiler for Vivio's Friends:

Karil doesn't look like she can take on the Slaves of the dark. Alphonse looks cool especially with the cool sword. Helga's weapon is intense. Wouldn't wan to get hit with that. Jasper's hair defies gravity! Awesome! Why is he all bandaged up? or am I forgetting something important? Overall I really like their outfits. Question ( or observation): Do you always use that red background?

Page Claim for hair that defies gravity (in fiction and in real life)!

[Evil Rick]

Originally Posted by markesellus

So your serious...what was that by the way? I still don't understand how you get names from that.

Wellit was a joke,I think you don't get it , well, really I investigate names of that time when this idea comes to my mind

Originally Posted by markesellus

So the part where Vivio and Karil are talking there are alot of typos that i couldn't understand. I think I got the basic idea. Because you said Sasuke was a dragon the picture that came to mind was A dragon with wings and Sasuke's (from Naruto) face pasted on where the head would be. Very weird image. But excited for the new part. dangerous slaves!

Drako means Dragon and Sasuke means Servant, Drako Sasuke = Servant Dragon

Originally Posted by markesellus

Karil doesn't look like she can take on the Slaves of the dark. Alphonse looks cool especially with the cool sword. Helga's weapon is intense. Wouldn't wan to get hit with that. Jasper's hair defies gravity! Awesome! Why is he all bandaged up? or am I forgetting something important? Overall I really like their outfits. Question ( or observation): Do you always use that red background?

Page Claim for hair that defies gravity (in fiction and in real life)!

Jasper was burned in a flame when he was a kid, althoug this don't vinculate him with Nanoha's Victim 12 and yes I always use the Red background to present individual characters in bios or add ons to my fics (I really like it )

Originally Posted by Rockfest

Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha TravellerS

The Wheel of Time turns, and Ages come and pass,
leaving memories that become legend.
Legend fades to myth, and even myth is long forgotten
when the Age that gave it birth comes again.

What was, what will be, and what is,
May yet fall under the Shadow

Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha TravellerS will now begin.

Chapter 1 (The Eye of the World) – Prologue

Spoiler for Prologue:

The world was colored in a shade of gray. It was as if she wasn’t a part of what was happening around her which was to say, was complete chaos. All around her, knights were fighting, for what, she did not know. She attempted to use her magic, but could not do so in this strange world. As she walked she thought she recognized some of the people she saw, but when she called out to them, they acted as though she wasn’t there. Then she realized that she couldn’t talk, “Where am I?”

“What you see before you are the events that have long past, events that have yet to fulfill their place in destiny,” replied a mysterious voice.

Confused, she responded to the voice that came from nowhere. “Who are you? What are you talking about?”

Once again the mysterious voice called out. “The Wheel of Time weaves the Pattern of the Ages. What was, what will be, and what is…”

When she was about to respond, the world began to crack and the shade of grey disappeared. One of the fighting knights noticed her and attacked with his sword. She was helpless, she could not gather any of her magic and just as she was about to be struck...

“… Up, …ha wake up, NANOHA wake up!”

When Nanoha woke up, she saw Fate beside her in bed.

“Oh thank goodness you finally woke up. You were moving around and sweating. Did you have a bad dream?”

“I don’t know Fate-chan. Where’s Vivio?” said Nanoha, still confused about what had happened.

Sounding worried Fate said, “Vivio is safe. Don’t you remember? You rescued her from the Cradle 2 days ago.”

“Ah, right. I remember. Sorry for making you worry Fate-chan.”

“Try to get some rest, you’ll feel better in the morning.”

Trying not to think about it Nanoha went back to sleep but something kept sticking in her mind, she couldn’t feel Raging Heart in that strange world. It was a feeling that she hoped one day would never come. “Good Night.”

Elsewhere

A monitor appeared in a room. “It’s time; gather the Ta’varen Sister Schach.”

“Right away, Knight Carim,” said Sister Schach and the monitor disappeared.

“It’s time that the 2nd part of the prophecy is fulfilled.”

Chapter 1 (The Eye of the World) – Part 1 Preview

Spoiler for Preview:

The Wheel of Time turns and Ages come and pass.

“I’ll be back, don’t worry about it”

“I’m sorry but I have to ask that you not accompany your mistress on this mission. “

“Just bear with the pain, it will only hurt for a little while.”

Darkness shall break the world.

“What’s with this feeling? Raging Heart…”

The world we arrived in was different from the world that we left.

“Nanoha, watch out!”

“Y-You can’t be, why are you here?”

History is about to be made.

My first attempt. Don't kill me?

Phrophecy? The Wheel of Time?
This sound intense!

EDIT: Oh yeah, I almost forgot Welcome to the thread Rockfest

[Krinen]

Why do Alphonse and Helga remind me of Souseiseki and Suiseiseki?

[Keroko]

Originally Posted by Kazu-kun

That's not my point. Nanoha being concerned about what people think of Vivio, yes, but about Vivio losing opportunities with guys, and stupid guys at that, not at all. That's what Kagerou wrote, and seems OOC to me. If anything, Nanoha would behave like Nanoha's father in Satashi's story: being absolutely negative to any possible suitor at first, and only showing acceptance if said person proves to be worthy.

Actually, that defines an OOC Nanoha. I mean, come on, can you actually see Nanoha being negative to someone? Remind me the last time that happened, because I seem to have missed this the last three seasons.

[krisslanza]

Originally Posted by Keroko

Actually, that defines an OOC Nanoha. I mean, come on, can you actually see Nanoha being negative to someone? Remind me the last time that happened, because I seem to have missed this the last three seasons.

The closest would be maybe when she blasted Teana...? But Nanoha is a pretty nice and happy girl. She rarely ever gets actually "angry" O.o

[Keroko]

Even then, Nanoha was mostly blaming herself, asking what she did wrong. A Nanoha that's being negative to a boyfriend Vivio brings in does not compute.

[Comartemis]

Actually, that defines an OOC Nanoha. I mean, come on, can you actually see Nanoha being negative to someone? Remind me the last time that happened, because I seem to have missed this the last three seasons.

Well, let's see... she slapped Arisa in a flashback in season 1, and she seemed awfully peeved at Quattro when she reached the throne room in the Saint's Cradle. She did a good job at hiding it until she blasted Quattro's illusion for touching Vivio.

[Evil Rick]

Chapter 6

Vatican Knights

Spoiler for Woman in White:

Paris, the capital of love, it doesn't looks so lovely in the streets at night. But we were there for bussines, not from spring time, another slave had appeared as Sasukes said, and this one shall be more dificult that the Banshee, the God news, Karil, Alphonse, Helga, Jasper and I weren't alone, more Vatican Knights had come to assist us, the bad news, our leader wasn't Sky, it was Raphael Tobbias, the total oposite of my dear Sky, arrogant, agresive, bad humored and by my disgrace... aslo very handsome, although we do not like him (and neither us to him)

We were at the back of our big veicle, all the others Knights were preparing their weapons, we were just sitted (Karil at side of me of course)

"So my dear Alphonse..." Helga break the ice by Alphonse's disgrace "If we end the slave quickly, shall you invite me to some fine restaurant to have a lovely dinner?"

"Ugh... well... I..." Alphonse was red, he always turned red when Helga told him things like that

"This woman needs a life" Jasper told to us

"Hey! I hear you..." Before Helga could end, Raphael started to talk

"Listen soldiers, we are facing a very dangerous Demon, a demon who is hunger for hot blood, if you stay togheter and fight well, you will survive, if not... well, I wish you lucky in your final judment" Then he walk to were we were "And as for you, young Knights, maybe the Banshee was an easy enemy, but this one will not be so friendly, and I will not be looking for your backs as Sky... it will not be surprise if some of you don't return"

That coment was unecesary, but he wasn't satisfied with that

"And for you miss Karil, you were a totally waste in the training, I don't know for how many beds you past to be here... but make sure at least to aim well, yes?"

Now you see why I hated him? He always said things like that to Karil

We arrived, the museum, it was closed and some Vatican Knights were alredy there, we all came out of the vehicle and go inside of the edifice

"Vivio, take two soldiers with you and check the upstairs" Raphael said

"I... can Karil come with me?"

"If you ever questionate me again" He answered "The one who will regret it will be your... girlfriend. Now MOVE!!"

I do not like to leave Karil alone, specialy with that men, but at least she was with Jasper and the others, two regulators came with me and we started to go upstairs of the musseum, the aspect wasn't very gos, the place was totally a mess, all the ancient items were destroyed, the demon had been there. We keep moving, checking every corner of the uper musseum, nothing but destroyed things and broken walls, but then, we found the thing that I do not wanted to find, a corpse, many corpses all of them unable to be identificed, with their faces ripped and arms and legs mutilated, as if they had been attacked by a savage animal

"My God, we arrive too late" Was the only that I coul said

Something called my attention, near one of the corpses there was something like spittle, Ireach it with my fingers, it was hot

"He is here..." I quickly take out my weapon, almost at the same time, one of my followers were screaming

"AGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" The demon was holding him with a long tounge from, it was a strange green creature with a longred hair andrazor claws and teets, no one like I ever heared or seen before, with a single bite he ripped of the head of the Knight, we started to shoothim, we saw the bullets going inside his skin, but he don't even seems to felt them, he jumped over my other follower, with a single slash of his claw, my partner's body was cutted in two, at this point he noticed that the only one left was I, he stayed there, looking at me

"The slave is here!!! The slave is here!!! Raphael!!! Raphael!!!" I was screaming as strong as I could, but it seems that no one heared me, I don't dared to move or ran, I was only pointing him with my gun. It looked that the Slave was happy, probably he was thinking on how my blood would taste, I was scary, hell I was dying of fear, I could felt my sweets runing through my face and my legs shaking, the demon made strange sounds and when he was going to jump at me, he stopped

From nowere a woman's voice started to sing, it was a beautifull voice, I couldn't understand the letter, it sounded like an old lenguaje (I think it was ancient Latin but I'm not sure), but her melodic voice was so pacefull, the Slave seems to understand it's message, he ran and jumped through the window, I was a bit shocked but quickly reactinate and followed the Slave through the window, I ran some streets guided only by the voice, the voice stopped singing and finally in an alley I found the slave, but he was not alone

A strange woman dressed in white was with him, at the begining I couldn't saw her face, she had also a long orange hair, but she wasn't trying to escape, she was actually peting the demon with her hand!

"Who are you?!" I screamed at the time I pointed the Slave of the dark with my gun, the Slave looked at me with rage but that woman stopped him of charging against me with only rasing her hand

She turned at me, she was beautyfull, a lovely expresion on her face and two kind eyes were her answer at me

"Don't be rough Centurion" She told to the Slave "We don't want to scare our dear Vivio. Don't we?"

Spoiler for Centurion:

[Kazu-kun]

Originally Posted by Keroko

Actually, that defines an OOC Nanoha. I mean, come on, can you actually see Nanoha being negative to someone? Remind me the last time that happened, because I seem to have missed this the last three seasons.

If she thinks someone is doing something stupid, she's not one to hold her punches (literally). Like the time she slapped Arisa because the latter was being an ass with Suzuka. So I have no reason to believe she would even contemplate the possibility of allowing her daughter to date someone that proves to be even a bigger idiot than Arisa was at the time.

In the end, we just have different takes on the character, it seems.

[Satashi]

So yeah....... sorry again for my lack of activity on the weekend. I got chapter 19 to 3,666 words (lol) and am currently debating if I want to make this chapter longer and end it here or if I wanna split it into two chapters and end it next time.

Question that came up:
Would you be upset if a story ended on a happy note without a huge "end story drama fest" or would it be okay if it was happy all the way through?