Dating

[Nightbat®]

Originally Posted by Dr. Casey

Since this is the dating thread specifically, I suppose you mean something like being used as a rebound, or someone stringing you along for an ego boost when they have no real intention to date you? The former I might be willing to go along with, depending on the situation and whether there's more sincere feelings mixed in there alongside the simple desire to have someone fill the void. The latter I would cut ties with as soon as I realized that they were playing around with me. (Note that I'm specifically referring to cases where the other party sadistically leads someone on for the sake of thrill and ego; I'd be perfectly gracious about a friend simply not returning my feelings.)

Originally Posted by Masuzu

There would be a lot of conditions, but I'm not opposed to the idea itself.

Now I'm guessing this is mostly when you are informed of the persons intentions
or when your intentions are not necessarily serious in the first place

Personally I would never agree to such terms, willingly or unwillingly (if I wasn't serious in the first place I wouldn't even bother)
since it feels like it's degrading me to a piece of bubblegum:
You get spat out when the taste is gone or when it's time for dinner

I also can't say for sure which is worse, in both cases you're being used
and one would assume that a "rebounder" would have the ethics to not subject someone to the same feeling they themselves wish to get rid of


This is one of the main reasons keeping me out of "the dating game"
A large part of my life people have had fun at my expense

And if having to deal with the inexperience of what 'romance' does to my brain isn't bad enough
Going into something with a positive mindset, but having to distrust the outcome
doesn't rhyme with me

Originally Posted by bigdeal000

This^
Done right, it excites the M in me

Well, to each his own


On another note: went to a "singles party" last saturday, which, as I found out, is just a name for being able to jack up prices at the door of an establishment

the only thing actually helping develop a date was a speeddating session, which was way too small for the number of people
for the rest it was just like hanging out at any club

[DonQuigleone]

So I recently met a lovely Taiwanese girl. So far things have gone quite well, she's always laughing at my jokes ( which is a lot considering the eccentricity of my humour). We've met once already, but it wasn't really a "date" as it was a group outing(however we both talked a lot). Anyway we're meeting again this weekend, and so I'm looking for some advice from y'all.

My basic problem is that, while we got along famously, I've been doing most of the talking. Now it may be that she is more of a listener, which I'm fine with, but it also means I still know very little about her( I don't even know her second name!). I'd like to know more before I get too intimate with her after all. I also am a bit worried that she might eventually get turned off by my over talkativeness. Finally I'm also a bit worried that she may be a bit intimidated about talking about herself, and I'd like her to feel relaxed enough to open up about herself a bit more. I don't think my chatterboxyness may be helping, as I may have painted as intimidatingly intellectual, and I'm wondering if she feels she doesn't compare well?

Are there any good questions I could ask that would pull a bit more about her, without putting her on the spot?

[Nightbat®]

Well, if you're always a talkative person, I'd see no reason to change that

I don't think it's so wrong to ask someone what they are thinking if they always come across as quiet
I mean what better excuse than "It's hard to get to know someone who doesn't say much" is there to defend your question?

[Traece]

Originally Posted by DonQuigleone

Are there any good questions I could ask that would pull a bit more about her, without putting her on the spot?

It's not really about the questions insomuch as the act of asking her about herself. Ultimately what you want is for her to be comfortable with you asking her about herself.

Whether this means adopting an approach of trading answers to the same question, or flat out asking her about herself, ultimately depends on reading her comfort with it. If she's a private, quiet person who doesn't like to discuss herself then you may just have to get it in bits and pieces.

If you've got a good connection with her though and you sincerely think that she is very receptive to you, there's the bold and daring, "I'd like to learn a little bit more about you," approach.

[Kafriel]

So I recently met a lovely Taiwanese girl. So far things have gone quite well, she's always laughing at my jokes ( which is a lot considering the eccentricity of my humour). We've met once already, but it wasn't really a "date" as it was a group outing(however we both talked a lot).

This is me 2 months ago...except my girl of interest decided to repeatedly reject an actual date (just the two of us) and now I've been friendzoned for eternity.

Anyway, questions to be asked: general stuff! Everybody loves it - favorite foods, colors, luck in life, hobbies (if they have any), future/ideal carreer plans, one's idea of a perfect vacation (with holidays approaching, it would be a nice subject), etc. Try thinking about topics that anyone can talk about and you will most likely be rewarded with *gasp* a dialogue :O

Good luck~

[DonQuigleone]

Well, I did indeed meet up with her again, and I made progress in learning more about her. I now know all her basic info, and there aren't any major "red flags". However, I'm not sure how I feel about her, I enjoy her company, but there's a possibility in my mind that I might prefer to just be "friends"

However, now to make my life a bit more "interesting" (ergo complicated), there's now a second girl on the scene!

[GDB]

...I hate you.

Also, getting a bit annoyed at trying online dating when girls contact you, but then expect you to carry the conversation 100%. It's one thing if it just sort of peters out, but when their only contributions are "Want to chat", responding to your conversation as curt as possible, and responding with "What about you?", then they can screw off.

[DonQuigleone]

Originally Posted by GDB

...I hate you.

Also, getting a bit annoyed at trying online dating when girls contact you, but then expect you to carry the conversation 100%. It's one thing if it just sort of peters out, but when their only contributions are "Want to chat", responding to your conversation as curt as possible, and responding with "What about you?", then they can screw off.

Online dating is really a crapshoot. I haven't managed to get "quality" dates out of it. However it does help demystify things a bit, and practice your wit.

I've had much more luck with meetup groups. Great people, good times. Really you need to find a place you can casually talk with lots of women. That's the tricky part. It's actually very hard to find

[Homucifer]

I wish I could get a date, I tried dating siteS, or the apps like POF and garbage like that.... yeah, guess the outcome, well if they saw what my room looked like they would run the hell away.

[bigdeal000]

Originally Posted by GDB

...I hate you.

Also, getting a bit annoyed at trying online dating when girls contact you, but then expect you to carry the conversation 100%. It's one thing if it just sort of peters out, but when their only contributions are "Want to chat", responding to your conversation as curt as possible, and responding with "What about you?", then they can screw off.

THAT. That's how they all are. It's like it's set in their genes or...oh wait.
Yeah...you need to get used to that.
And it just so happens that sometimes, they want to talk. It's rare, but it happens. Meaning they have something to say, and they want to say it to YOU. Don't miss that opportunity. Don't talk, just listen. Don't try to make it a conversation, just listen (unless they wait for an answer, but they usually don't).
That's my personal experience talking. What's even worse about that: I don't do online dating. It's just my everyday friends. And we're just friends. It's not like we're dating or something. And still, they act like that.

[Nightbat®]

Well I took a look at those online relation things

And there I was setting up my profile, wondering if mentioning "I leave the toilet seat up" and
"I try to refrain from farting in public" would show my sense of honesty and integrity

Then I figured, I better check some other guys' profiles to get some idea of what would be good to write down
amazing how many men are enthusiastic, adventurous, spontaneous, caring, social, etc

I see a problem or 12 for me there

Also, checking out the ladies from my demographic (also very enthusiastic, adventurous, spontaneous, caring, social, etc)
I'm beginning to think, I'm gonna have to sell my house if I'm supposed to take them on all those travels they want to go
Looking at my paycheck, I don't think I can afford a lady

[bigdeal000]

Thank you for the laugh. This just confirms my beliefs about online dating

[DonQuigleone]

Originally Posted by Nightbat®

Well I took a look at those online relation things

And there I was setting up my profile, wondering if mentioning "I leave the toilet seat up" and
"I try to refrain from farting in public" would show my sense of honesty and integrity

Then I figured, I better check some other guys' profiles to get some idea of what would be good to write down
amazing how many men are enthusiastic, adventurous, spontaneous, caring, social, etc

I see a problem or 12 for me there

Also, checking out the ladies from my demographic (also very enthusiastic, adventurous, spontaneous, caring, social, etc)
I'm beginning to think, I'm gonna have to sell my house if I'm supposed to take them on all those travels they want to go
Looking at my paycheck, I don't think I can afford a lady

You're overthinking things. Online dating isn't about honesty, and it's not meant to be serious (even if your goal is). Just approach it with a sense of fun. Enjoy yourself. And leave out grim stuff (unless it's funny!). Think of it like writing a job application. Don't give a reason not to go out with you.

And I can guarantee that most of the people aren't any more interesting then you are, they're just selling that part of themselves.

Aim to give a girl a good time, not tell her your life story, that comes later . She needs to like your good qualities enough to put up with your bad ones.

[Homucifer]

Originally Posted by bigdeal000

Thank you for the laugh. This just confirms my beliefs about online dating

I learned the hard way.

[Nightbat®]

Originally Posted by DonQuigleone

You're overthinking things. Online dating isn't about honesty, and it's not meant to be serious (even if your goal is). Just approach it with a sense of fun. Enjoy yourself. And leave out grim stuff (unless it's funny!). Think of it like writing a job application. Don't give a reason not to go out with you.

And I can guarantee that most of the people aren't any more interesting then you are, they're just selling that part of themselves.

Aim to give a girl a good time, not tell her your life story, that comes later . She needs to like your good qualities enough to put up with your bad ones.

that's funny, going to a site to meet ladies because it doesn't work out well 'IRL', then having to lie your ass off for a chance to meet people also lying their ass off

Don, really,
...I can't be the bloody only one who has a problem with this?

*Note that I specifically stated "online relation", not "dating"

[DonQuigleone]

Originally Posted by Nightbat®

that's funny, going to a site to meet ladies because it doesn't work out well 'IRL', then having to lie your ass off for a chance to meet people also lying their ass off

Don, really,
...I can't be the bloody only one who has a problem with this?

*Note that I specifically stated "online relation", not "dating"

I never said lie. Put it this way, which of these two girls do you want to go out with:
1. The girl who spends the evening with you cracking jokes about the latest anime, and who enjoys cooking japanese food.
2. The girl who spends a few hours explaining how she has bulimia and purges her dinner every night.

Probably 1 right? Now consider this:
3. A girl who spends an evening cracking jokes about anime, likes making sushi, and you learn on your 6th or 7th date has bulimia, but is working to overcome it.

You can probably take the bulimia a bit better right? Because it doesn't define her! Now apply the same logic to yourself. You can tell her all this stuff when you get more serious...

We all have problems, but it's important to be discreet. And you're not lying, if she asks you to your face, tell the truth, but almost no girls ever do that. Show them the good you, you're actually being MORE honest that way.

And I've never lied on online dating, but that doesn't mean I tell them my life story! Instead I give them a little entertainment to brighten their day!

[Nightbat®]

The trouble here is not keeping certain 'personal' info quiet not to scare people away

It's the image people put up to appear more interesting

In the world of advertising yourself, that girl you use as example would profile herself as having a slim figure
Hook line sinker, because if she manages to make you fall in love BEFORE you're made aware of the fact, it's gonna be a bitch walking away
(Hurray for the brain's chemical processes )

Hell, that's why I would prefer meeting someone in the everyday world, instead of the glamour of clubs, or the acted methods of internet

I'm a weird guy, I kind of admire integrity, it's what I look for in people

[DonQuigleone]

I don't put up any kind of "image", I just show off my best qualities. If they like em, great, if they don't, not my problem!

Realistically, the initial stages of finding love aren't really any different from making male friends. Just focus on having a fun conversation. Everything else can come later.

Online dating isn't about showing off how great your life is, it's about giving the other person an entertaining time. Hone your sense of humour, that's what will score you dates.

[willx]

Originally Posted by DonQuigleone

Online dating isn't about showing off how great your life is, it's about giving the other person an entertaining time. Hone your sense of humour, that's what will score you dates.

I agree with that. For the rest of you guys, what the heck do you think dating is!?

Barring children, marriage and all those other complicated things that typically come much much later ..

People date and are together when they enjoy themselves. They split when they don't. No one says you should lie, but for people that don't know you, you wouldn't walk around on the streets advertising your flaws for no reason, right?

You don't go to work and wear otaku t-shirts or drag hug pillows with you do you?

[GDB]

Originally Posted by willx

People date and are together when they enjoy themselves. They split when they don't. No one says you should lie, but for people that don't know you, you wouldn't walk around on the streets advertising your flaws for no reason, right?

But this whole conversation started because of lines that people have on their profiles that are obviously lies. Like, scripted stuff that's supposed to make them seem awesome. You know, like being "adventurous" or "liking to travel" or some such, when the most adventurous thing they've done in the past 3 years is buy a new brand of shampoo, or even though they "like to travel" they never do because they can't/won't spend the money.

This post, this one right here:

Originally Posted by Nightbat®

Then I figured, I better check some other guys' profiles to get some idea of what would be good to write down
amazing how many men are enthusiastic, adventurous, spontaneous, caring, social, etc

I see a problem or 12 for me there

Also, checking out the ladies from my demographic (also very enthusiastic, adventurous, spontaneous, caring, social, etc)
I'm beginning to think, I'm gonna have to sell my house if I'm supposed to take them on all those travels they want to go
Looking at my paycheck, I don't think I can afford a lady