“What you absolutely positively have to remember is, a woman's heart is fragile.”
The meeting room had been intended to be important places of strategic discussion. The long table was designed to just cozily fit all of the Numbers, the Doctor, Zest and Lutecia. The table had seen speech after speech on the importance of their duty, on the extent of Jail's obsession, on what lunch would be. However, it'd never seen such a... unique lecture.
Sein stood at the front with a giant pad of paper. The rest of Numbers I-XII (with II missing for obvious reasons) sat around the table some watching curiously, some paying not the least bit of attention. Jail sat at the very front with his own pad, taking rigorous notes.
The 6th number flipped back a sheet of paper, it read: Woman=Flower. “Women are delicate flowers!” She smacked the piece of paper, “You can be rough and pluck them out of the ground and enjoy them only for a little while. Or you can be gentle and water them and give them tender loving care and enjoy for a long while.”
Jail scribbled notes down then he paused and posed a question, “Hmm... What does... 'Plucking' entail.”
“Worldly” Sein rubbed her chin, “Well you know should she invite you back to her place-”
Jail cut her off, “What would I want to do at her place?”
Sein grinned like an old pervy grandpa, “If she offers you some 'coffee' you're all good sir.”
The scientist thought about this seriously. Then, he raised his hand up, “Would I offend her if I said I preferred tea?”
“Aha I don't think you get it sir...” Sein was torn between laughing and forcing Jail to spend more time in the real world. She shook it off, “Never mind let's go onto the date itself. When are you picking her up?”
“We're meeting there.”
Sein's eye twitched but then she regained her composure, “Okay fine, so you meet there. You should present her with flowers-”
“Bogonias are her favorite,” Dieci added in.
“-and then make sure to hold the door open for her.”
Jail raised an objection, “But doesn't Maria know how to open doors?”
Sein's palm met her face, “Yes sir, but it's common courtesy to open it for her.”
“Won't she think I'm belittling her? Like I don't even think she can manage holding open a door?”
Sein groaned, “You know what, I'll just,” she shook her head, he meant well but the Doctor could just be so DENSE, “show you.” Sein scanned the room, “Nove, Wendi come up here.”
“W-wait! Why us?” Nove protested as Wendi grabbed her arm and tugged.
“Because you two've already gotten to first base.”
“There are bases?” Jail was confused enough with this dating thing without there being bases too.
“Just ignore them,” Dieci sighed behind her Deed and Otto nodded in agreement.
“Now the once you're inside-” Sein dragged a table and chairs out from behind her pad of paper, “-the real judging begins. Everything you do at dinner will influence your chances of a second date.” Sein forced Nove and Wendi into the seats. “Observe.” Sein motioned to the two girls.
“Wendi is you, see how she's looking off to the side and not directly at her date at all times,” Sein tsk tsked, “This sends the message 'I don't think you're as hot as the girl over there' and will not lead to date too.”
She forced Wendi to face Nove, “Now she's sending the message, 'Hey baby, you're the only girl for me.' This will likely lead to date two.”
“S-sein having Wendi stare at me is really creepy,” Nove shivered.
“Shush Nove, who's the love guru here?” Sein smacked the piece of paper. “Part two, dinner conversation.” She flipped the paper. The new sheet read Acceptable Topics/Unacceptable Topics, “Nove! Wendi! Demonstrate.”
“Hah?” They both stared at Sein with open mouths.
“Chit chat!”
“Um... so...” Nove fumbled around, “Nice weather that we're having lately?”
“WRONG!” Sein dramatically pointed to the Unacceptable Topics column where the word 'Weather' was written. “No one wants to hear about the weather, it's boring. Try again.”
Wendi tried this time, “So umm I heard about this new-”
“INCORRECT!” She pointed to the Unacceptable Topics again, “Don't talk about yourself you narcissistic girl.”
Nove and Wendi shivered, “Sein-nee, you're cruel.”
Sein sighed, “Fine no demonstration.” She turned to Jail, “Listen Doctor there are topic do's and don'ts. For instance, don't talk about world domination, do talk about how much you love the TSAB.”
“But I don't love the TSAB,” Jail pointed out the obvious.
“But she doesn't have to know that, lying is the basis of all relationships.”
“No, no doctor, don't listen to her,” Dieci warned.
“Here are some more, do talk about love, justice, that new Magical Girl series on TV, puppies, kittens and her. Don't talk about hate, doomsday devices, books, cyborgs, science and yourself. Follow that and you'll be set.”
Jail copied down the list warily. “Okay but I'm not sure I'll have much to say about that tv show.”
Dieci sighed, “I'm telling you don't listen to her.”
Sein flipped the paper again, this time it read “things too look out for”, “look out for the signs your date isn't going well. For instance if she says she has to go to the bathroom that's really the international signal for 'I find the toilet more interesting then you.”
“But Sein-nee what if she just has to go to the bathroom,” Nove asked.
“Pssssh girls have better bladder control then that.”
Other things to look out for on the list included, “she remembers she has to 'walk the dog' or 'feed the cat' and “she has to go 'save the world' because she's really a super hero. She's not.”
Sein moved on to the final step. “Now the exit is almost as important as the entrance.” Sein nodded sagely, “You should get up first.” She nodded to Nove and Wendi to demonstrate.
Unfortunately the two of them getting scolded to hell and back had caused them to forget who was playing Jail. As a result they both stood up. Nove stood up a great deal faster and with more force than Wendi. As she stood the table was thrust forward and into Wendi, making the cyborg lose balance and start to fall forward.
Now, Nove still cared about Wendi no matter what she said, so she reached out for her trying to catch Wendi before Wendi hit the table.
Well at least she caught Wendi... though her hands were in a rather... awkward position.
Nove turned red. Wendi turned redder. Jail looked confused.
“Am I supposed to do that too?”
Sein coughed into her hand, “Congratulations you two, you've just gotten to second base.”
~~~
“Heh, they're having fun aren't they?” Cinque poured Tre a cup of tea as she watched the playful younger Numbers. “I almost wish I could join in, don't you, Tre?”
“Not particularly,” she sipped her tea. Tre's eyes flickered between the younger numbers and Uno, Quattro, and Sette. Uno seemed to be enjoying the show, and Sette showed her usual disinterest. Quattro, however, looked nothing short of disgusted, her mask having fallen when she thought no one was watching. “This game of the doctor's will end soon and life will return to as it was.”
Cinque cocked an eyebrow, “You don't think it could end happily ever after for him?”
“I do not. It cannot. Even if he were to somehow truly fall in love with that girl, and she to fall in love with him despite his everything, there would still be the issue of the high council and the Doctor's status as an intergalactic criminal,” Tre spoke strongly but softly so the others could not hear her.
“How depressing.” Cinque laughed, “But even if there is no hope. Even if there is no chance, humans show amazing tenacity and display an inability to give up.”
“Then, it is a pity that the Doctor is not human.”
Cinque fell silent, watching Tre's face.
“Try as a leopard might to change his spots he'll still find those spots are embroidered to his soul. The Doctor can try and try but the best he'll ever pull off is a mask of humanity. They're nothing but children playing pretend,” Tre sighed, “but I take back my previous statement. I do envy them. I cannot even pretend.”
Cinque sighed and lightly punched Tre on the shoulder. “Cheer up, you're depressing me.”
“H-Hah?” Tre couldn't keep surprise from over coming her.
“Even if it's only pretend, even if the dream will end, is it so bad to enjoy it while it lasts? Stop thinking deeply for a moment and relax. You're always telling Sette to act more human, perhaps you should take your own advice.”
“I will try,” a tiny smile crept up Tre's features. “But in the meantime,” she held out her cup, “could I have more tea?”
“But of course.”
~~~
Uno had always cut Jail's hair. At first it had been an act of convenience. She had been the only one around who could do it for the longest time. But over time it had evolved into a matter of comfort. Jail liked knowing Uno would always be there to cut his hair, in the insanity of his plans, in the chaos of things he could not and did not control it was nice to know that at least his hair would be cleanly cut.
With Uno snip snipping away at his mangy purple locks he could relax. More so then anything else, this was one thing he knew was going to be okay. “Thank you, Uno.”
Uno paused in her cutting to look confused, “For what?”
Jail chuckled softly, not maniacal laughed, just a light happy chuckled. “Nothing nothing.”
She finished up her work with a confused but happy smile. “There you go Doctor.”
Jail ran a hand through his neatened hair, much better. “It's wonderfu-”
“DOCTOR~~<3” The doors were thrown aside, Sein and company stood there, arms full of clothes. “It's time to pick out your outfit for tonight~”
“What's wrong with my everyday clothes?” Jail blinked in confusion.
They all exchanged looks and sighed.
“Looks like we still have a lot of work to do.”
~~~
In the end Jail was forced into an outfit the girls called “stylish” but he called uncomfortable. Still he trusted their judgment, even when they'd tied back his long hair into a short, stubby ponytail.
“Well girls it looks like we've done it,” Sein looked proudly upon their achievement.
They'd made it just in time, he had less than an hour until his date but he was completely prepared now. Well kind of. He'd had all the preparation possible but that didn't change the fact that his heart was going out of control. Or the fact that he was starting to sweat causing Wendi to desperately wipe him down with paper towels to keep his “hotness from washing away”.
Cinque looked on with a pleasant expression, “She'll fall for you right away sir.”
Jail's face lit up, “You really think so?” He looked like a puppy, eagerly awaiting praise. He sucked in a deep breath. “You're right, I'm Jail Scaglietti. This. This is nothing.” He grinned. “I can do this!” He headed right for the door.
“W-Wait you forgot the flowers!” Nove chased after him, with a large bouquet.
“Ack! And your cheat sheet of acceptable topics!” Sein dashed right behind.
“Doctor what about your car keys!” Wendi brought up the rear.
Cinque watched with an amused smile, it was going to be alright. It had to be. Or they would be stuck in this unending circle forever.
2009-08-24, 11:06
It justifies all the CRACK we got on the other two pieces, so I liked it 
I think Nanoha's reaction was the most predictable, although it made me sweatdrop 
Author
Glad you liked it.
For those that belittle their favorite characters, complain about pairings, complain about oversexed images. Stop, thank you.
