MSLN Jokes & Assorted Humour

[ZephyrLeanne]

Originally Posted by tshouryuu

A little something from the Original Character Thread or Outer Cadia Zwei as we affectionately call her

Hope you guys enjoy this as much as I did writing it.

Spoiler for Happy Birthday Hayate:

4th June MC 0076

It was a slow day. After the destruction of the Saint's Cradle as well as capturing the main instigator, Jail Scaglietti as well as his combat cyborgs couple of months ago, life at RF6 had become very routine. Some might even say it was boring, with nothing to do except train and doing paperwork. Thankfully, none of this was ever said in earshot of any of the higher ups.

The day seemed to be like any other but for one Lieutenant Colonel Yagami Hayate, it was different. Today, it was her birthday and yet, it seemed like no one remembered it at all. She could understand if most of the personal in base did not know her birthday since she wasn't particularly close to them. But surely the people from Long Arch as well as the younger members from Stars and Lightning, not to mention her friends and knights, should have remembered.

It was the same at the Saint Church. Not even the ones she considers her older siblings seemed to remember it was her birthday today. Even the others from the various different departments in the TSAB like her Oji-chan, Aurion, had not shown any signs of knowing that it was her birthday and this made her a bit sad even if she did not showed it outwardly.

As she brooded a little over this in her office, she was startled when her stomach growled, informing her that it was already a little over dinner time. Wondering where Rein was and why did she not inform her that it was time for dinner, she belated remembered that Rein had stopped by Shari's lab for some routine maintance. Hoping that she wasn't too late to catch a bite at the base's cafeteria, she locked up her office and proceeded at a brisk pace.

Along the way however, she started feeling slightly uneasy since it was quiet. Too quiet. As it was never this quiet even at this hour, she reached down her shirt for Schwertkreuz and tried to call for Nanoha, Fate or Keroko. Tried being the operative word since there was no answer at all. Trying to contact any of the rest resulted in the same response, nothing at all. Calling up her Knight grab and transforming Schwertkreuz to its staff form, she headed, cautiously, to her original destination, the cafeteria.

* * *

The cafeteria was very dark she discovered as she opened the doors with the only source of light shining in from the corridor behind her. Taking a step forward, she suddenly found herself bound by several magical binds. Scared out of her wits, she took a deep breathe to let lose a mighty scream when...

"SURPRISE!!!"

... the entire cafeteria was illuminated, revealing all her friends, acquaintances and most of the base personal at which she utter a highly undignified squeak, causing everyone to laugh at her.

"Mou!! You guys scared me!! I thought I was under attack." Hayate complain with a slight pout. "Also, Aurion, do you mind releasing me?"

"Well, we did ambushed you with a surprise party. Happy birthday by the way." answered Aurion with a grin as he released her from the binds. Everyone took this as a signal to get the birthday party well underway. "And how did you know I was the one binding you anyway?"

Timing her response well, she acted as if in thought until he took a drink from his cup and was rewarded with a classic spit take, much to the annoyances for some of the party goers, when she answered him with a wicked grin. "You're the only one who likes to bind nubile, young girls like me, Oji-chan!"

"That was mean." he complained as he recovered from his slight choking fit.

"So was scaring me like that." she countered.

Deciding to stop the teasing before it got any wilder, the trio of Nanoha, Fate and Keroko decided to step in.

"Sorry to interrupt things, but we think Hayate really needs to get something to eat," apologized Fate with a slight smile on her face.

"Ya. I could practically hear her stomach growling," continued Keroko.

Much to her embarrassment, Hayate's stomach did growl, loudly, once Keroko finished her statement. Before Hayate can get any redder, Nanoha started pulling Hayate towards the area where the Forwards are and incidentally where the refreshment table was located.

"I see or rather hear what you mean." replied Aurion with a rather irritating grin. "Better hurry before she starves to death."

"So we'll see you later then" answered Nanoha and as Aurion turn to converse with another party goer, Hayate managed to catch the others' eyes and they finish Nanoha's sentence with a loud and enthusiastic "OJI-CHAN!!" causing Aurion to spit take into Director Tsuzuki's face, who was his current conversation partner.

Laughing at their successful prank, the four moved towards the Forwards where a small plate laden with food was handed over to Hayate by Vivio who took the chance to wish her a happy birthday along with Ginga.

"Thanks Ginga. Thank you Vivio-chan, you're a very good girl."

"Nanoha-mama told me to prepare it and Ginga-san helped me." replied Vivio happily.

"Thank you for helping me look after her Ginga," a grateful Nanoha mentioned.

"It was nothing Nanoha-san. She is very well behaved and she has wonderful manners." Turning to look at Subaru who seemed to be pigging out with Erio at the refreshment table, while Teana and Caro are talking quietly while shaking their heads at those two eating machines, she continues, "Quite unlike my sister over there. I thought I taught her better than this. Sorry for my sister's lack of manners Lt. Colonel Yagami."

"Its okay Ginga, I don't really mind. And just call me Hayate. Its a party not a formal event, relax."

"Okay Hayate-san."

* * *

While eating her food, Hayate noticed that some people are missing and wondering where they were, she asked Nanoha if she knew. In response, Nanoha simply gestured towards Chrono, who graciously guided Hayate to a row of seats, that was being setup by the brothers Smith and Wesson, in front of a stage where Acous is currently standing at. A few moments later, she was joined by Carim, Sister Schach, Mai and some other friends. Seeing that most people are seated, Acous called for everyone's attention and made an announcement.

"Thank you everyone for coming to celebrate our little sister, Hayate's birthday with us!" Acous cheerfully announced to the crowd. "Now that most of you had something to eat, we'll be starting the entertainment for this evening. As Nee-san is a little shy, I'll be the MC for tonight's entertainment! Allow me introduce our first act for tonight. They will be performing a classic song, with certain modifications to the lyrics, from Hayate's birth world. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome, Signum, Tesla, Vita, Shamal, Zafira and Reinforce Zwei! I give you, the Wolkenritter!"

As their names were announced, each of them appeared on stage in their costumes, causing a lot of wolf whistles and laughter. Sensing an opportunity like never before, Vice quickly took out his camera and start snapping pictures like there was no tomorrow. Standing on stage with differing expressions of embarrassment (or in two cases amusement) on their faces, they started dancing to the beat when the disco music came on.

Stepping up to the forefront first is Tesla in a heavily modified version of an Enforcer's uniform except its white, tight and rather revealing. With a rosy blush adorning her face, she started singing in her clear voice, "Young girl, there's no need to feel down. I said, young girl, pick yourself off the ground. I said, young girl, 'cause you're in a new town, there's no need to be unhappy~!"

Stepping up to the plate next was Vita, wearing just coveralls that just manages to cover her chest, a miniature Graf Eisen tucked into her belt and a white safety hat with the stars squad's emblem on it. With her face almost as red as her hair, she continued with the next verse. "Young girl, there's a place you can go. I said, young girl, when you're short on your dough. You can stay there, and I'm sure you will find, many ways to have a good time~!"

As the next part comes about, the rest joined Vita at the front, singing the chorus in unison. "It's fun to stay at the T-S-A-B~! It's fun to stay at the T-S-A-B~!"

Acting out the letters when they sang it, some of them managed to show quite a bit of of their legs much to the delight of most of the guys, only to have their smiles dashed by the next verse. "They have everything for you girls to enjoy, you can forget about all the guys~!"

"It's fun to stay at the T-S-A-B~! It's fun to stay at the T-S-A-B~! You can get yourself cleaned, you can have a good meal, you can do whatever you feel~!"

While the rest danced backwards, only Signum remained at the front singing the next line, "Young girl, are you listening to me~?" With her current attire consisting of a pair of extremely tight, body hugging black leather pants, equally tight black leather bra, a short, sleeveless, opened black leather jacket, a leather cap in black as well and a dark pair of sunglasses with her hair down and unrestrained, it was certain that no one was listening to her.

"I said, young girl, what do you want to be? I said, young girl, you can make real your dreams. But you got to know this one thing~!"

As the blaze general moved back to join the other knights at the rear, Shamal moved forward with a cheerful step, clearing enjoying herself. Dressed in a more daring version of Sister Schach's usual dress, with a skirt that just barely covers her panties, she locates Hayate and gave her a wink as she sang. "No one does it all by herself."

Then pointing a finger at her, she directed the next few verses at Hayate. "I said, young girl, put your pride on the shelf, and just go there, to the T-S-A-B. I'm sure they can help you today~!"

As the Wolkenritter gather together again for the chorus, they could feel the happiness of their mistress, who was clearly enjoying their act. This made them feel better for keeping up the deception of pretending to forget her birthday ... although they wish Shamal and Rein had chosen less embarrassing costumes for them. Finishing the chorus, Zafira took his turn to sing and his appearance made many laugh loudly.

Dressed in rather baggy clothes in contrast to the rest, he cut a not-so-impressive figure with the pimp cane in his left hand, the stripped pants, opened shirt showing his 'manly' chest, large amounts of gaudy rings and necklaces and quite a lot of glitter. Despite this, he managed to sing rather well. "Young girl, I was once in your shoes. I said, I was down and out with the blues. I felt no one cared if I were alive. I felt the whole world was so tight~!"

As the final singer, Reinforce Zwei (in full sized mode), was welcomed by multiple squeals of "Kawaii!" Looking very much like a smaller, tribal version of her predecessor with the feathers and clothes, she was however undeniably much cuter, especially with the adorable feathered headdress and blue tribal markings on her smiling face. With no hesitation at all, she sang the next line. "That's when, someone came up to me, and said, young girl, take a walk up the street. There's a place there called the T-S-A-B. They can start you back on your way~!"

And with that final verse, they all launched into the chorus enthusiastically, some of them secure in the knowledge that their humiliation is about to end. "It's fun to stay at the T-S-A-B~! It's fun to stay at the T-S-A-B~! They have everything for you girls to enjoy, you can forget about all the guys~!"

"It's fun to stay at the T-S-A-B~! It's fun to stay at the T-S-A-B~! You can get yourself cleaned, you can have a good meal, you can do whatever you feel~!"

"T-S-A-B!!" They finished and settled into their final pose with Vita and Rein at the front, hands spread in front and the other four behind them and their arms in the air.

"Ladies and gentlemen, the Wolkenritter!!" Acous announced and the sound of all the cheers and applause rocked the entire cafeteria. As the noise begin to subside, Acous made another announcement. "Are all of you having fun? If so, just stay where you are for this is not the only act tonight!! There's plenty more to go!"

And so the party continued.

* * *

A few hours later, after the party has ended, the cafeteria cleaned and the guests have left, the cloud knights helped carry their mistress's presents back to her room. Bidding her a good night, they left for their quarters, to sleep and prepare the next day. As Hayate lay in her bed, the last thought she had was that this was a wonderful day.

As people in Kansai always say:
All's fine and dandy [OK, not like that, but similar enough]
Well, what's there not to like when Hayate "Sekuhara" Yagami speaks your local dialect?

[RBomber]

Wild idea: Whatv happened if we put Gundam 00 characters into Nanoha universe?

Nanoha: Surrender yourself! If you had reasonable wishes, speak it and we will try to fulfill it!
Ali: HAH, girls.
Vita: WHO YOU'D CALL "YOU SHOULDN'T BE HERE", DAMMIT!!
(lunge at Ali)
(15 minutes of fighting)
(Vita got pwn'ed)
Ali:... Okay. I want a full acces to all dimension where I can loot, burn, slash and kill to my heart content, and the people will fight back. Can you provide that for me?
RH:...[Comrade...]

[JamesEdwards]

Originally Posted by RBomber

Wild idea: Whatv happened if we put Gundam 00 characters into Nanoha universe?

Nanoha: Surrender yourself! If you had reasonable wishes, speak it and we will try to fulfill it!
Ali: HAH, girls.
Vita: WHO YOU'D CALL "YOU SHOULDN'T BE HERE", DAMMIT!!
(lunge at Ali)
(15 minutes of fighting)
(Vita got pwn'ed)
Ali:... Okay. I want a full acces to all dimension where I can loot, burn, slash and kill to my heart content, and the people will fight back. Can you provide that for me?
RH:...[Comrade...]

Prince Ali fabulous was he~! Ali Al-Sarshes~!

[MeisterBabylon]

He's already dead.

[Skane]

Originally Posted by MeisterBabylon

He's already dead.

Get Jail to clone a shota-version of him.

Natch.

[LoweGear]

Originally Posted by Skane

Get Jail to clone a shota-version of him.

Natch.

And you get.... Erio?

>.>

<.<

*RUNS*

[FRS]

That's a disturbing image >_>.

[MeisterBabylon]

Oh yeah. <_<

[Rising Dragon]

Great. Erio's character has been ruined for me before I even got to see the show. >___>

[Ottocycle]

Originally Posted by Rising Dragon

Great. Erio's character has been ruined for me before I even got to see the show. >___>

An unwitting victim of the perennial crack upsurge in the Nanoha section of the AS forums.

Exprozion.
CHOIISAAAA!
*Plays "Eyes"* Ahh the memories.

[MeisterBabylon]

That has to be the most epic facepalm spree in the joke thread to date though.

[RBomber]

Hayate: The next member recommended for our team... is... ummm.... "Tooth Fairy"?
Vita: Tooth fairy?
Caro: He must be cute....
Sein: He must be had shining teeth....
Nove: He must be handsome!

Meanwhile....

O. Prime: Your commanding officer for this Intra-dimensional Task Force will be... uhh.... "White Devil".... vice commander... "Blazing Commander"?
Ironhide: ...(thinking of some Hot Blooded manly warrior with BIG GUNS and Flame Launcher)



(Kudos if you get the reference)

[FRS]

Nanoha/Transformer crossover eh.

[xiaoamy]

I don't have any jokes about it all were taken by Nanoha omake of A's and StrickeS

[Nanya01]

I think I can get something...

________________________

"Nanoha, you need to take it easy."

"Eh, I'll be okay."

"Well, I know that, but there are easier ways to befriend people other than blasting them with enough power to rip a trans-dimensional warship in half."

"...True."

________________________

"Subaru!"

"What?"

"Your finger-based attacks aren't meant to be used for groping!"

"...Sorry, Nanoha-san."

_______________________

"Fate..."

"What?"

"...Panties, stockings and a skin-tight shirt does not make very good armor."

"..."

_______________________

"Ne, Yuno..."

"What?"

"You said that you went digging for the Jewel Seeds, right?"

"Yeah..."

"And Raising Heart was yours, right?"

"Yeah. What are you getting at, Nanoha?"

"How does a ferret use a stick that size anyway?"

________________

"Hey, Fate..."

"Yes?"

"Isn't that outfit... I dunno... Kinda drafty?"

"..."

*Clong*

"ITE!"

"You should know better than to point out something so obvious."

"Didn't have to drop Bardiche on my head. Owwie."

_________________


"So, you're Agito, huh?"

"Yeah? What of it?"

"...For some reason, i think there should be a minature penguin on peglegs next to you screaming "dood" a lot."

___________________

"You know, Hayate, I'm surprised."

"Why?"

"I assumed that you were going to make everyone at section six wear some sort of cosplay outfits."

"...Well... I *did* have some sailor fukus, catgirl outfits and nurses outfits ready to go."

"..."

_______________

"Yes sir."

"That's ma'am."

"Yes sir."

Fate could only sigh in exasperation.

_______________

"Uh, Signum..."

"Not one word, Shamal."

"Okay..."

"..."

"...So... You going to tell Fate that you forgot to put her car in park and it rolled into the ocean?"

"...I was hoping not to."

"...I'll save you a room to recover after this."

"...Thanks."

______________

*Shrug*

Random crap from my mind.

[synaesthetic]

you win the internets for sneaking a Disgaea reference in there.

[Keroko]

I'm sure that thought went through a lot of our heads when she first appeared.

Heck, if she hadn't introduced herself then and there, I'm pretty sure everyone would have been calling her Etna.

[Nanya01]

Probably WHY she did that...

____________

"Well, this looks familiar..."

"Lindy-san! Help!"

"Oh, come on, Aruf... It's cute."

"All of your grandchildren are jumping all over me and you call it cute."

*Click*

"Yep."

"Linnnnddddyyyy..."

___________

"This... This is just embarrassing to watch."

"...Yep."

"Seriously, Wendi... Do you need help?"

"No, i can handle this!"

"...Okay..."

"Deed... I think we should help her..."

"...Cinque, I think that Wendi wouldn't forgive us for saving her from a teddy bear."

((This was inspired from beating on Giant Robot monsters with Bonta-kun in Super Robot Wars W.))

________________

"Caro? Erio? What are you two doing in here?"

"Um... Subaru-san, Tia-san, can we sleep in here, please?"

"Uh... Sure, but... HUH? Okay, the instant I said yes, you two dove into my bed... What's wrong?"

"Eh... We stayed up too late..."

"And Fate-san's not here..."

"And there was a scary movie on and..."

"...Gee, you two really are kids still... Subaru, what are you doing in here?!"

"That movie was scary."

"...What movie were you guys watching?"

"Silence of the Lambs."

____________________

"Brains?"

"...Why are the drones saying Brains?"

"I have no clue..."

Meanwhile...

"Hee hee hee... You were right, Shari. Making the drones seem like Zombies really is funny."

"Especially since the forwards have been watching horror movies lately."

"AAAAAAAAHHHH!"

"Hmm... That must've been the drones I had programmed to explode into smaller drones while moaning horribly."

(---)

"Why do these drones keep exploding?!"

(---)

Nanoha glared at Shari, who was doing her level best to look innocent. "Personally, I blame you."

"For what?"

*BOOM!*

"AHHH! My hair's on fire!"

Nanoha twitched as she heard Erio's voice scream. "I should end this..."

"Oooh! That last one sounded like it hurt."

((Drawing from the 4-Koma comics where Shari's a mad scientist.))

____________________

"Fate! This will be the end of this fight! Raising Heart glows with an awesome power! The pink light is telling me to destroy everything! Starlight Breaker!"

____________________

"OOOH! What does THIS button do?!"

"NO! WENDI! STOP!"

*KABOOM!*

*Cough cough* "Quattro... Why didn't you warn me?"

"I tried to... Urgh... Stay out of the lab from now on!"

"Awww..."

____________________

"Vita..."

"Yes?"

"Does... Does Subaru have Graf Eisen?"

"...I broke my arm."

"Okay... So... Why is it glowing gold?"

"I wish I knew. But she's wincing with each swing... Though I have to admit, seeing enemies turn into nothing after being hit by Graf Eisen is therapeutic."

"She's wincing?"

"Yeah... Gotta have Shamal look at her arm when this is over."

____________________

"Give Vivio back her mama!"

"Vivio..."

"Grrr! BREAST FIRE!"

"ACK!" Nanoha dodged to the side as a big red beam, well, two of them, slammed into the wall. "VIVIO! PUT YOUR SHIRT BACK ON!"

_____________________

"Subaru FINGER!"

"ACK!"

"Barrier Wall!"

"URGH!" Ginga gasped out as she was thrown into a magical barrier at high speeds. The pain in her back wasn't as bad as the explosion that happened on her chest. "Oww..."

"...Gin-nee! That... That pervert! He... he made your chest bigger, didn't he?"

"..." Ginga blinked as Subaru started jumping up and down, slamming her feet down in anger. 'What the heck is she talking about?' She wondered.

"Your boobs weren't that big before!" Subaru whined. "Now I really feel flat-chested next to you." She whined out, tears leaking from her eyes.

_________________________

*POOF!*

*Cough cough* "Vivio, you okay?"

*Cough* "Yes, Fate-mama."

"What happened?"

"I wanted to get some cereal, but I knocked over the flour."

______________________

"There are pillars of black fire coming out of the ocean."

"...That's bad?"

"Pillars of BLACK Fire from the OCEAN!"

"...Right. So, do we call the fire department?"

"...FIRE IN OCEAN! WHAT PART OF THAT DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?!"

"...Well, when you put it like THAT!"

_____________________________

"Nanoha-san, how is it, raising Vivio?"

"Well..."

*CRASH!*

Nanoha and Subaru both turned her heads and sweat-dropped as Vivio, in a towel, thankfully, ran from the bathroom into the main living area. Nanoha was just thankful that she had her own bath and shower, instead of one used by everyone. The sight of Fate chasing after Vivio was rather funny though, especially considering how wet Fate's clothing was. "Like that."

"Oh."

_____________________________

"You call that a magic gun?"

Tiana blinked at the mage and looked at Cross Mirage. "Yeah..."

"That's no magic gun. That's a pea-shooter."

"...Says who?"

"Me!"

"And why's that?"

"Because THIS is a magic gun!" Tiana paled as a giant gun... No, gun was inaccurate, the barrel was longer than a rifle, six of them... rotating... And shooting at her!

"EEEK!"

"AHAHAHAHAHA! How do you like a magical gatling gun?!"

__________________________

Random crap is random.

[Ottocycle]

I don't know how many internets you win for that now, that's a lot of super robot references.

Best one has got to be the G Gundam one-liner though.

[Nanya01]

Randomness is random...

______________

"Hey, Caro."

"Yeah?"

"I've been wanting to know... What's in your pockets?" Erio pointed to her transformed clothes.

Caro grinned as she pulled out... "Candy!"

_________________

"Mama!"

"Vivio!"

"Mama!"

"Vivio, it's okay, don't be scared... What did you do to her?"

"What makes you think I did anything?"

"Vivio, what's wrong?"

"Ghost stories are scary!"

_________________

"Mama, who's that?"

"My familiar, Aruf."

"Why is she with Nanoha-mama and holding a glass and acting silly?"

Fate giggled slightly. "Ah, it's a silly drink for adults. Drink too much and you act silly."

"Oh... Why is Aruf grabbing Nanoha-mama in the chest?"

"That drink really messes with your mind, Vivio, don't drink it."

"Okay, mama."

_________________

"Hey, Erio, I have a question."

"Yeah, Subaru-san?"

"How come Strada says explosion? Nothing ever explodes."

"...I have no clue."

________________

"So, Nanoha, what are we going to do tonight?"

"I dunno about you, but I'm going to do the same thing I do every night."

"What's that?"

"Try to befriend the world!"

________________

"Whee!"

"...Zest..."

"Yes, Agito?"

"Remind me to get Lulu a motorcycle when she turns 18."

"If I'm still around, yes."

_________________

Random stuff from my mind is random.

...

...

I can't be the only one who has random omakes in the head, can I?