Dating

[Otaku Emperor]

Originally Posted by LusterFlare

Oh no, it's the subjunctive, run! Reminds me of high school French class xD. Nolstagia <3.

If you're referring to this topic, my guess is that there are more guys than girls on this forum. Though there may be a more sophisticated reason about the psychology of guys vs girls on this topic. Perhaps it's because men are potatoes; they're clueless unless directed.

For every 3 guys there is around 1 girl.

So not that much difference.

But it would be nice to hear some girls questions about guys for a change (not that I'm saying the guys questions are bad, I just mean it would be a bit of a change for once)

[cheyannew]

I hate to be blunt, but I will...

In my experience, the reason females don't as for dating advice as much as males do is simple:

We don't have to.

We can go to a man in a club, bar, room, whatever, bat our eyelashes and take him home if we want. Not always, and that's a very broad generalization. I would never walk up to a stranger in a bar or whatever, but I know that I CAN if I ever choose to.

But if a male were to try to do the same thing, he's a pig, or whatever and will probably get slapped in the face.

I'm not saying it's right, but that's just how it is. Females get to pick and choose, males are busy trying to compete with one another to catch the eye of the females; it's animal nature, and humans are after all, animals.

[Kusa-San]

Originally Posted by Shinoto

"And it's the same girl who have sex just for fun >_> "
You know, it's possible for girls to enjoy sex also. Just like a guy. You're making it sound like they are some shallow whore >_>

No I have nothing againste a girl who enjoy sex. What I was trying to say is that I don't like girl who have sex for fun with a random guy she doesn't know.

Originally Posted by Narona

While I am not part of the "let's have sex for fun without a very serious relationship" (i'll never do that, bleh)), they have the right to do it and there's no law that says "you are right, and they are wrong", hence we have to respect their choice (of course, they have to respect the other people who make different choices... And not all of them do it... but thta's another story)

And there are people in HS who have sincere feelings and try to build something serious, don't forget that.

And ? Why are you saying that to me ?

I don't see many girls wanting to hear "Hey ma cocotte, tu es aussi bonne que la dernière bière belge et j'ai autant envie de me marier avec toi que d'aller voir le match de foot Real de Madrid VS Milan AC!" instead

Rofl

"Cherie, tu es aussi belle qu'un big mac, aussi savoureuse qu'un steak haché et aussi pur qu'un Mac Fleury, tu es le big mac de ma vie. Epouse moi ! "

A true lover sentence

[cheyannew]

Originally Posted by Kusa-San

No I have nothing againste a girl who enjoy sex. What I was trying to say is that I don't like girl who have sex for fun with a random guy she doesn't know.

In this day and age, people who have sex with total strangers (random guy/girl from a bar etc) are taking their own life into their hands, and I point blank would not be intimate with someone who practices that lifestyle without a LOT of testing beforehand, and an assurance that, once with me, those days are over.

I have had sexual relationships with people I didn't plan on being with, but we're talking casual dating for a few weeks, keeping one another company etc, not going to a bar or club and playing eeny meeny miney mo for whose STDs I want to catch that night.

blech LOL

BUT while I may disapprove on the basis of health reasons (frankly I could care less if people want 50 friends with benefits relationships, it doesn't affect me), people are free to be with who they please.

*I* just won't touch them, and that's because I treasure my health. My girlfriend and her husband have known me for... oh gods, 15+ years, when I met him, we lived together for a year and split. Her? I've known over 6 years, and know where they've both been. Safe sex is still practiced, because we're not spending the rest of our lives together.

My husband and I obviously do not have such issues, as we will be together till one of us kicks the bucket.

[synaesthetic]

Originally Posted by Otaku Emperor

^ _ ^ Just stating my feelings.

I still object to people going on looks though. But I know I cannot change this.

I just don't see the big deal, it's such a minor thing.

Everyones human, everyones covered in skin, theres so little difference, it doesn't matter that much, if at all.

Thats why I go for personality, because I just don't see the big deal, and I'm sure theres some people who would agree with me, male or female.

Personality and intellect count for a lot.

My interest is piqued by the body, but it's held by the mind.

I make it a policy to always date women who are smarter than I am--it helps keep me out of trouble, you see, and plus smart people are far more interesting.

Now I'll freely admit that if a girl is really hideous, I'm probably not going to want to tumble between the sheets with her. I'm definitely self-aware enough to know that there's a limit to what I can tolerate physically. When it comes to looks, I'm pretty forgiving if there's a sharp mind behind those eyes. But everyone has their limits.

If you think that's shallow, that's your issue, not mine. Personal preferences are personal preferences, and everyone has them.

Would you think it's shallow that I dislike ketchup? ^^;

[cheyannew]

Originally Posted by synaesthetic

Personality and intellect count for a lot.

My interest is piqued by the body, but it's held by the mind.

I make it a policy to always date women who are smarter than I am--it helps keep me out of trouble, you see, and plus smart people are far more interesting.

Now I'll freely admit that if a girl is really hideous, I'm probably not going to want to tumble between the sheets with her. I'm definitely self-aware enough to know that there's a limit to what I can tolerate physically. When it comes to looks, I'm pretty forgiving if there's a sharp mind behind those eyes. But everyone has their limits.

If you think that's shallow, that's your issue, not mine. Personal preferences are personal preferences, and everyone has them.

Would you think it's shallow that I dislike ketchup? ^^;

I fully admit to being shallow enough to notice looks.

My husband and I didn't meet and go "Well, I suspect that is a right intelligent witty person!" and then decide to start dating LOL

We looked at one another and went "rawr" (more or less) and decided to get to know one another better, which led to "dating" such as it was, moving in together and exchanging vows (I honestly didn't date him much, we met in Oct, moved in together in Nov and exchanged vows in dec of 96, but that worked for us)

I have to agree with synaesthetic, while I won't STAY with someone who's just not up to par/at my level, I also wouldn't likely take the time to really get to know them unless there was something that initially piqued my interest, whether it's someone's eyes, their body, whatever.
I have "dated" people whose looks caught my eye only to find out they're complete numbskulls, or whatever, and broke that off as gently as possible.

[Mystique]

Originally Posted by cheyannew

I hate to be blunt, but I will...

In my experience, the reason females don't as for dating advice as much as males do is simple:

We don't have to.

We can go to a man in a club, bar, room, whatever, bat our eyelashes and take him home if we want. Not always, and that's a very broad generalization. I would never walk up to a stranger in a bar or whatever, but I know that I CAN if I ever choose to.

But if a male were to try to do the same thing, he's a pig, or whatever and will probably get slapped in the face.

I'm not saying it's right, but that's just how it is. Females get to pick and choose, males are busy trying to compete with one another to catch the eye of the females; it's animal nature, and humans are after all, animals.

If a girl doesn't wanna use her brain, then sure. Bat a few eyelashes and you peeps kinda follow, lol.
Animals if we let ourselves submit to base instincts, but we are more than our fellow living beings in the wild, give the species a little credit

Originally Posted by Otaku Emperor

Question?

It seems more guys ask advice on girls then girls ask on guys.

Why is that so? I would expect it to be equal.

Nah, most of my questions to guys go to the guys in my IRC channel with people I hang out with almost everyday, so it's just location for me. I'm also blessed to have some really good close male friends, so they're my 'mentors' so to speak on matters with dating, sex, male mentality and so on.
They're also awesome to flirt with and exchange in witty banter, lol.
So for a few girls, they probably already have sources outside of this website and here is heavily moderated too.
We like to chat, so mediums such as Skype or IMs work better ^^

That and the ratio here gender wise heavilly falls onto men, especially in the GC forum, so no, never gonna really get a balance.

[Shiemi]

Originally Posted by Mystique

Nah, most of my questions to guys go to the guys in my IRC channel with people I hang out with almost everyday, so it's just location for me. I'm also blessed to have some really good close male friends, so they're my 'mentors' so to speak on matters with dating, sex, male mentality and so on.
They're also awesome to flirt with and exchange in witty banter, lol.
So for a few girls, they probably already have sources outside of this website and here is heavily moderated too.
We like to chat, so mediums such as Skype or IMs work better ^^

That and the ratio here gender wise heavilly falls onto men, especially in the GC forum, so no, never gonna really get a balance.

Adding to this and to what cheyannew mentioned also, I've read before (can't bring out sources though, so gomen!) that usually females are more able to share their issues with close friends, whether female or male. Guys, even among friends, like to hang and all, but don't go into issues. It looks to me that guys feel more at ease asking for advice in a forum, where they know that no one will know who they really are... or something like that.

In my case, I mostly ask advice from close friends and if I feel that someone here might provide me with good advice due to the insights of his/her posts, I PM the person about my issue.

[synaesthetic]

Free advice is one of the greatest benefits of having friends! You guys really need to learn to ask your friends for help and advice, because professionals usually charge by the hour, you know. ^^;

[Narona]

Originally Posted by cheyannew

In this day and age, people who have sex with total strangers (random guy/girl from a bar etc) are taking their own life into their hands, and I point blank would not be intimate with someone who practices that lifestyle without a LOT of testing beforehand, and an assurance that, once with me, those days are over.

I have had sexual relationships with people I didn't plan on being with, but we're talking casual dating for a few weeks, keeping one another company etc, not going to a bar or club and playing eeny meeny miney mo for whose STDs I want to catch that night.

blech LOL

BUT while I may disapprove on the basis of health reasons (frankly I could care less if people want 50 friends with benefits relationships, it doesn't affect me), people are free to be with who they please.

*I* just won't touch them, and that's because I treasure my health.

Besides my principles and morals pov, that's one the main issues for me. I treasure my health.

And that's also one of my main issues against people who are unfaithful.

Reports about men/women who were unfaithful, got an STD without knowing it, then infect their wife/husband just digust me. It's just horrible from my point of view. Besides the betrayal, to jeopardize the life of a person you claim to love is just horrible.

That leads me to talk about girls who say "I don't consider that I am unfaithful, because i stay faithful to myself". And I reply "but what about your lover ("main" BF)? He trusts you and all. It's ok for you to say "i stay faithful to "myself", but you still betray somebody who trust you and love you. So you only think about yourself.

I see no problem in seeing men/women who date another man/woman IF their BF/GF/husband/Wife is aware of it because they told him/her, and is ok with it. But not when people try to hide the fact that they only think about themselves and betray people as if it was not wrong.

Originally Posted by Kusa-San

And ? Why are you saying that to me ?

I Just added what you didn't. Because not everyone from here talks to you on MSN, and some people might think that beside the disagreement, you show no respect towards the choices of those people. Which would be false.

Originally Posted by Shiemi

Adding to this and to what cheyannew mentioned also, I've read before (can't bring out sources though, so gomen!) that usually females are more able to share their issues with close friends, whether female or male. Guys, even among friends, like to hang and all, but don't go into issues. It looks to me that guys feel more at ease asking for advice in a forum, where they know that no one will know who they really are... or something like that.

In my case, I mostly ask advice from close friends and if I feel that someone here might provide me with good advice due to the insights of his/her posts, I PM the person about my issue.

I might be one of very rare persons who do that, but when I want to ask something about men, I ask my father

So, yeah, other sources :x

Originally Posted by Ascaloth

......

*saves away in the "Quotable Quotes for the Future" archive*

cute.

[cheyannew]

Originally Posted by Narona

Besides my principles and morals pov, that's one the main issues for me. I treasure my health.
And that's also one of my main issues against people who are unfaithful.
Reports about men/women who were unfaithful, got an STD without knowing it, then infect their wife/husband just digust me. It's just horrible from my point of view. Besides the betrayal, to jeopardize the life of a person you claim to love is just horrible.
That leads me to talk about girls who say "I don't consider that I am unfaithful, because i stay faithful to myself". And I reply "but what about your lover ("main" BF)? He trusts you and all. It's ok for you to say "i stay faithful to "myself", but you still betray somebody who trust you and love you. So you only think about yourself.
I see no problem in seeing men/women who date another man/woman IF their BF/GF/husband/Wife is aware of it because they told him/her, and is ok with it. But not when people try to hide the fact that they only think about themselves and betray people as if it was not wrong.
I Just added what you didn't. Because not everyone from here talks to you on MSN, and some people might think that beside the disagreement, you show no respect towards the choices of those people. Which would be false.
I might be one of very rare persons who do that, but when I want to ask something about men, I ask my father
So, yeah, other sources :x
cute.

Being poly, I find I cannot accept the very idea of cheating/being unfaithful. My entire relationship(s) is based on communication at every level, and if you can't communicate with your mate on a base level (hey, x y or z person is appealing to me, how do you feel about this), you ought not be in the relationship, IMO

There was a... female.. to be kind, at my old job, who decided she didn't want to be with her husband anymore.
Later, she told her/my boss and I that he had given her herpes. Well, Long story short, her hubby tested negative for it, as did the guy she cheated on her hubby with. So, it must've been the guy she cheated on the guy she cheated on her hubby with (yes, you read that right, her hubby and her weren't legally separated and she was sleeping w/ someone then decided she didn't want to be w/ them and started sleeping with someone ELSE before breaking it off fully).

I still call that poetic justice and snicker to this day. I think her nickname of Herpesaurus Rex still gets said, even a year after the fact. Why anyone would be that disgusting and careless, I don't know... But there you have it...

[Ascaloth]

Originally Posted by SaintessHeart

@ Narona :
Do girls really like those kind of long boring phrases? I wonder if (pardon me, I just picked this out of a French dict with some help from BBF) :

vous êtes la chose la plus mignonne que j'ai jamais placé mes yeux dessus

works.

Originally Posted by Narona

I don't see many girls wanting to hear "Hey ma cocotte, tu es aussi bonne que la dernière bière belge et j'ai autant envie de me marier avec toi que d'aller voir le match de foot Real de Madrid VS Milan AC!" instead

Correction: "Vous/tu ("Vous" if you just met the girl, "tu" if you already know her or if she's already your GF) êtes/es la fille/femme/personne (don't use "chose", it means "a thing", and a girl would not like to hear hat she's just "thing" , use "personne" (person) or "girl" or "woman" instead) la plus belle/mignonne que j'ai rencontrée (you can also replace it by (more romantic) "qui ait croisé mon regard".)

That depends if you use it as a sentence to try to pick up a girl, or if you say that to your girlfriend. I'd say it can work as a "pick up" sentence, but not all the time (depends on the girl's character), and works better if you alreday know the girl (that's a good sentence before adding "j'aimerais sortir avec toi" (i'd like to date you)) edit: forgot to add, and it has to be sincere from you, always be careful about what you say

Can work if the girl is your GF.

Originally Posted by Kusa-San

"Cherie, tu es aussi belle qu'un big mac, aussi savoureuse qu'un steak haché et aussi pur qu'un Mac Fleury, tu es le big mac de ma vie. Epouse moi ! "

A true lover sentence

Oh non, le langage de l'amour prend le pas sur le forum!

[Narona]

Originally Posted by Ascaloth

Oh non, le langage de l'amour prend le pas sur le forum!

I don't really understand why so many people see French as the Love language XD. Love can be expressed in any language ^o^

And what Kusa said above is just horrible , people, never say that to a girl XD

Originally Posted by cheyannew

Being poly, I find I cannot accept the very idea of cheating/being unfaithful. My entire relationship(s) is based on communication at every level, and if you can't communicate with your mate on a base level (hey, x y or z person is appealing to me, how do you feel about this), you ought not be in the relationship, IMO

There was a... female.. to be kind, at my old job, who decided she didn't want to be with her husband anymore.
Later, she told her/my boss and I that he had given her herpes. Well, Long story short, her hubby tested negative for it, as did the guy she cheated on her hubby with. So, it must've been the guy she cheated on the guy she cheated on her hubby with (yes, you read that right, her hubby and her weren't legally separated and she was sleeping w/ someone then decided she didn't want to be w/ them and started sleeping with someone ELSE before breaking it off fully).

I still call that poetic justice and snicker to this day. I think her nickname of Herpesaurus Rex still gets said, even a year after the fact. Why anyone would be that disgusting and careless, I don't know... But there you have it...

(nothing else to add ^^ )

[Tsuyoshi]

Originally Posted by Ascaloth

Oh non, le langage de l'amour prend le pas sur le forum!

Il problema sta nel fatto che è la mia lingua quella dell'amore (the problem lies in the fact that my language is the one of love)

and I should also mention this is an english speaking forum

Having said that

Originally Posted by cheyannew

Being poly, I find I cannot accept the very idea of cheating/being unfaithful. My entire relationship(s) is based on communication at every level, and if you can't communicate with your mate on a base level (hey, x y or z person is appealing to me, how do you feel about this), you ought not be in the relationship, IMO

There was a... female.. to be kind, at my old job, who decided she didn't want to be with her husband anymore.
Later, she told her/my boss and I that he had given her herpes. Well, Long story short, her hubby tested negative for it, as did the guy she cheated on her hubby with. So, it must've been the guy she cheated on the guy she cheated on her hubby with (yes, you read that right, her hubby and her weren't legally separated and she was sleeping w/ someone then decided she didn't want to be w/ them and started sleeping with someone ELSE before breaking it off fully).

I still call that poetic justice and snicker to this day. I think her nickname of Herpesaurus Rex still gets said, even a year after the fact. Why anyone would be that disgusting and careless, I don't know... But there you have it...

Superb. This is the reason you shouldn't cheat on someone, and why you should use protection on a date at all times. Safety is not guaranteed.

[Dextro]

Originally Posted by Narona

I don't really understand why so many people see French as the Love language XD. Love can be expressed in any language ^o^

And what Kusa said above is just horrible , people, never say that to a girl XD

I tend to think french is a very good language to swear and curse. It makes even the most insulting sentence sound "nice"

About the whole girls vs boys thing in this thread: I think males are more likely to trust what amounts to strangers in a forum thread than women are. I believe that most women are able to have stronger bounds with friends and hence use those friends for advice than most males will but that's just my completely unscientific opinion there.

[Kusa-San]

Originally Posted by cheyannew

In this day and age, people who have sex with total strangers (random guy/girl from a bar etc) are taking their own life into their hands, and I point blank would not be intimate with someone who practices that lifestyle without a LOT of testing beforehand, and an assurance that, once with me, those days are over.

Yep I totally agree with you. It's really dangerous and personnaly I totally disapprove this kind of sex. But it's only my view of course and people are free to do what they want. I just don't like this kind of people that's all.

I don't like people who date other people just for fun or just go out on a date for sex. In my family, as I said many time, we're not like that at all. My parent are together since high-school and my sister have had only two boyfriend in their life. And for me it's something normal. I mean when you're going out with someone, it means that you love her and that you try to build a serious relationship. And nowaday, I think that's less and less the case >_>

Originally Posted by Narona

I don't really understand why so many people see French as the Love language XD. Love can be expressed in any language ^o^

Because everyone know that french people are romantic *take away his rose from his mouth* *run away*

And what Kusa said above is just horrible , people, never say that to a girl XD

Not true . If the girl love Mac Donald, it will works ! .....

And more serioulsy, If you want a beautiful french song about love :

[synaesthetic]

Everyone knows l33tspeak is the true language of love!

[RadiantBeam]

Originally Posted by synaesthetic

Everyone knows l33tspeak is the true language of love!

Quoted for truth and win.

[cheyannew]

Originally Posted by Kusa-San

I don't like people who date other people just for fun or just go out on a date for sex. In my family, as I said many time, we're not like that at all. My parent are together since high-school and my sister have had only two boyfriend in their life. And for me it's something normal. I mean when you're going out with someone, it means that you love her and that you try to build a serious relationship. And nowaday, I think that's less and less the case >_>

Oh it's not been the case for a very long time; I've had...maybe a dozen partners, obviously not as many serious relationships (meaning many months or more), but as I was "test driving before I bought" so to speak, I learned a great deal about what I did and did not want in my lifemate.

I have, in the past been called promiscuous, when in fact, I can name every person I have ever been with, when, and so on, and if you think about it, in over 20 years, that's not THAT many (seriously it's less than a dozen, and I've been w/ my hubby for nearly 13 years now, with only 2 partners outside of my marriage, one of which was my ex so he didn't count twice, so that's 3 people in 13 years).

Sex has transitioned from an all but marital act (there were many cultures who felt if you had sex you were married), to an almost purely physical one. That makes finding "the one" a lot harder, IMO. That may differ from culture to culture, I can't speak for anywhere but where I have grown up for 30+ years, and here, dating's just a kind of trial thing; MOST relationships that begin as dating do NOT continue much past the dating part (which generally does involve sex). Then again sadly most marriages, engagements, etc don't last that long either. Sad state of affairs.

I suspect, though, that the future generations will actually reclaim the "old ways"; as awareness about STDs, divorce rates, etc rise, I believe the young will go "wow, don't want that" and begin to look at dating as a more long term thing, not something to jump into, and so on.

I can hope, at least, as I've no desire to be a grandmother yet
A decade from now, fine, but not YET.

[Shiemi]

Since at least one guy has mentioned that he doesn't see many dating questions from females, I am bringing one, even though I have to admit I feel a bit silly asking it. And I'm not even sure if it's a proper dating question, but here goes.

My best friend is teaching me how to knit and she insists that guys love hand knitted stuff, like a scarf for example? Of course she watches a lot of anime (probably more than I do ) So... err... Is this true? Is a hand knit... scarf... a nice gift when in a relationship? Of course, in the case of living somewhere where winter exists.