2008-01-21, 19:04 | Link #441 | |
Romance addict
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Calgary, AB
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Anyways, onto the topic, I think I'm a lot alike to you. I've had two girlfriends so far, both of which were friends first that I pursued a relationship. I don't actively seek out girls (shy syndrome) but I find that if you want a relationship to work, you need quite a bit of "luck." Mainly, I think it's a right time and place problem mixed with a bit of courage to initiate the first meeting. |
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2008-01-21, 20:56 | Link #443 | |
Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
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2008-01-21, 21:13 | Link #444 | |
Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
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I have to say your story reminds me of one of my favorite lines from the movie Hitch. "60 percent of all human communication is non-verbal. Body Language. 30 percent is your tone. So that means that 90 percent of what you're saying...ain't coming out of your mouth." From what I've heard and read, confessing your feelings is generally a wrong thing to do (this also comes from my personal experiences). However, confessing with body language, flirting, is the right thing to do. Using eye contact, touch, and other forms of general body language is one effective way to say, "...(insert your possible romantic candidate's name here)...I think I have feelings for you." So what I think happened between you, Vestus, and your 'girlfriend' is that you guys just communicated with body language. If you didn't know how it happened now, you might do now. Speaking of flirting, I've been juggling with the idea of dating one of my co-worker. Even though the idea of dating one of your co-worker is almost as suicidal as confessing feeling verbally, but I'll probably quitting my job for a better one within month's time. I'll be working with her around tomorrow. However, if it comes to a point where I really have a strong...suspicion of her interested in me, how the hell can I ask her out? |
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2008-01-21, 21:41 | Link #445 | |
Pasokon-Otaku
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Well, she likes watching Avatar (I count that show as anime), but I don't think she watches anime. She's really busy with extra activities.
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If she has any attraction toward you (which she probably does, judging on what u said), she'll give you her number. Then, call her up and ask her out. Something like, "Hey, you busy <insert day and time>?" and go from there.
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2008-01-22, 11:46 | Link #446 | |
Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
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Here's an additional info. My working hours are not so compatible with her's. Therefore I never really get to work with her or see her often. After today, I suspect I won't see her again at least for the next two weeks. Not only that, my workplace is going to have an overdue renovation. So I'm gonna try to get her e-mail as a priority, but her phone number as well if I can. The reason why I'm getting her e-mail is because I can take my time using the right words, try to set the right tone so she really would say yes. If I tried to ask her out over the phone, I'd have to improvise and convince her on the spot (cause I'm generally bad asking girls out in person too). |
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2008-01-24, 11:10 | Link #448 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
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Just giving a late update:
I did get to work with her again for few hours. It was pretty much the same except this time she was kinda ignoring me sometimes. But like last time, there were equal amounts of touching (she touched my shoulder, I touched hers. She touched my back, and I responded as same). There were a lot of people, some customers and some other male co-workers, but I didn't see any chance to react to it. So I kept my cool. But to be honest, I felt a strong hesitation of asking her out because of two reasons: 1. Didn't spend enough time with her. 2. Doubting that she's really into me. For me, I don't chase girls anymore. What I can do is act like myself and try not to change just so I can get a girlfriend. I'll eventually attract someone just being me. If you need more info to give me a clear advice (and I really do need some), I'll try to remember the events that happened days ago. |
2008-01-24, 12:31 | Link #449 | |
Member
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Anywaz, my advice is not to think about it so much, even if you ask her out and she saids yes, she's not yet your gf. So a first date is just to spend time with someone, to get to know them, and hopefully have some idea if the chemistry works or not. If you get a chance, just casually ask her out. If she saids no, then that really stinks, but on the other hand, if she saids yes then hopefully you guys can have a great time and get to know each other. Best of luck! |
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2008-01-24, 16:28 | Link #450 | |
Love Yourself
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Northeast USA
Age: 38
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I think it's healthy to think about the relationship itself, but first you need to get to the relationship. So if there's a girl who looks interesting, ask her out. You're not committing to date each other right then and there, and you're definitely not marrying each other. As you both learn more about each other, you can decide how you feel and see if you want to elevate the relationship even further. Just also be aware that everyone feels differently about this, including women - it depends on how you ask as well, but while I'd imagine that most will use it as an opportunity to get to know you better, some will feel as if you've just asked to spend the rest of your lives together. So be careful and don't get pushed around However, also be aware that there are girls who feel similarly about dating - they feel that if you ask them out, you want to be a boyfriend and girlfriend (this may especially be the case if you're both already friends). Acting a bit more aloof there would probably just harm you.
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2008-01-24, 18:29 | Link #451 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
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@Longstar and Ledgem:
Thanks for the words of support and advices. I should be seeing her only for an hour within few days and I'll just try to casually ask her out (but WHAT?). I've already accepted the fact that I'm not compatible with everyone. I'm not worried about getting rejected (because I really can't give a frak about it anymore), but the aftermath of rejection. "Could I still be able to work with her?" "Will it be the same?" I know I shouldn't think about the consenquences but I just can't help it. Even though I am thinking ahead a bit, but what would make a good date idea? I know about dinner after movies (because you might be able to talk about the movie during dinner), sports events (but the baseball season is out can I don't think I can afford a basketball ticket at this moment), or could I ask her to take me to a club because I never been to one (cause she's a girl into clubbing, going to bar, etc.) |
2008-01-24, 21:22 | Link #452 | ||
Love Yourself
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Northeast USA
Age: 38
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What to do instead? Asking someone if they'd like to get coffee, or grab lunch together, and so on seems to be a standard way of asking someone out. It's also an activity that doesn't have to be too long (whereas a move or a baseball game may occupy a larger chunk of time), but can theoretically be as long as you'd want it (lunches with the girl who turned out to be the first girl I dated were always three hours - don't ask me how). And if you're worrying what to talk about, don't. I'm a science guy, and if you're not discussing science with me then I'd be fine discussing video games, anime, or random theories. I know absolutely nothing about the latest TV shows, celebrity gossip, or other pop culture references. Based off of those descriptions, I'm a total nerd who has no chance with girls and could barely hold a conversation with anyone. That first girl was someone I felt would have been totally out of my league - she had that appearence that would classify her as "hot," she'd been through three other boyfriends before me, and even when we were getting to know each other she told me that other guys were after her. So what did we talk about? To be honest, I can't remember most of it. She was into journalism and such, so we'd usually start up discussing some of the latest political events (thank God for the internet - news practically seeps into you and thus I could discuss back, even if somewhat lightly). As a note, politics is generally a topic you want to avoid or be very neutral about. Then we'd discuss each other, or more often, her. We'd talk about her family, personal values, all sorts of things. If you get a non-talkative girl or she feels uncomfortable with you, then you may have a harder time, but otherwise the conversation just flowed and I was simply amazed that the time went by as it did. If you and she are not very compatible or if you have a bad personality, I can't help you there. But the point of my story is to say that even if you're not terribly confident in your conversational abilities or you think that you might not have things to talk about, it can happen much more easily than you'd think. Just don't be creepy and jump straight to personal questions, let the conversation flow naturally and just enjoy it. What about the idea of clubs or bars? May or may not be a good idea. I'll share another story of mine: the first girl I ever asked out (and my first rejection) belonged to a sorority, many of whose members I was friends with. They had some clubbing event and one of those friends invited me. I'd never been to a club before, but I figured it'd be a perfect opportunity to get closer to this other girl. So I gathered up some guy friends who were into clubs and things like that, and we went. It was an interesting experience, but the sorority largely stuck to itself and I was a bit too shy to dance. Even if I hadn't been shy, it likely would have just been creepy/annoying, as the girl really had no interest in me. It's not a talking environment, there are too many other people, and if you're unsure of whether you'd be in your element there, then I'd probably mark it off as being an area that would weaken your chances of successfully getting a second date out of her. You can talk in a bar, but what I said about clubs does largely hold true there, as well. Ultimately, you'd know best. If she's the type of girl who'd get bored or wouldn't be impressed with a simple coffee or lunch date, then you're going to have to factor something else in. But many people really have no trouble talking about themselves and are happy to have someone who will listen to them do so - all you need to do is make them feel comfortable enough with you and show them that you're listening.
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2008-02-02, 17:09 | Link #453 |
User Title eaten by ravenous bunnies
IT Support
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Zeon
Age: 33
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My Girfriends Mad At Me
It happened on 2 weeks ago on friday when i was taking the metro bus and she was sitting right next to me and then this Hot very hot girl sat directly in front of me then she looked at me dead straight in the eyes and i looked at her for like 5 mins{i missed my stop} and when i got of my gf just stop talking to me i even tried to apologize like 10 times i gave her flowers and i promised never to do it again and she still wont get over it
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2008-02-02, 18:54 | Link #454 | |
Gillian-class Chibi
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Utah
Age: 35
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Unless your girlfriend is one of those girls who is comfortable enough with herself to not mind you looking at other girls (which is very, very rare), and even if she is, what you did was pretty rude. You ignored her completely, instead paying attention to another girl... I think most people would be upset (imagine if she'd been paying attention to a very hot guy!). It's good that you've tried to apologize, but it sounds a bit like you're only sorry because she's upset, and not because what you did was stupid. (Or at least that's what she thinks...) And buying her flowers might be going a bit overboard; she probably needs some time to cool down, and not be reminded of the incident. Since you have apologized, I think the best thing you can do now is to not bring it up anymore, and to be very careful of how you act towards other girls when you're around her now that you know paying too much attention to them upsets her. If you can keep from doing anything like that again, show respect to her, and make sure to let her know when she does something you like (ie, all the little things you love about her that are the reason she is your gf instead of some "hot very hot girl"), you should be just fine. |
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2008-02-02, 19:41 | Link #455 |
Power of the Damager
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My entire life has been a Picasso-reject as far as emotions go, and I'm all passioned out. My idea of love is that it shouldn't be furiously passionate, nor should it make you overflow with happiness. I'd much rather see it as a state of serenity and calmness. I don't want my heart to race or my thoughts to run together any more than they already do. I would imagine that 'true love' was a Nirvana that you didn't have to die to reach. (Nirvana is often a misused term; it's not a state of insane joy or anything, but a state of peace, calmness, wholeness, and unity with the universe).
I don't want any of that 'furious passion' bullshit. And that's why I've been single since I was 16. XD Regardless, to everyone who is comfortable with passion and is experiencing it, I congratulate you; to those still searching for it, I wish you luck and a great many epiphanies. |
2008-02-02, 22:38 | Link #456 | |
User Title eaten by ravenous bunnies
IT Support
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Zeon
Age: 33
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2008-02-04, 02:49 | Link #457 |
Senior Member
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My situation is a bit annoying. I would LOVE to date a girl. of course, standing behind the bar making coffee all day isn't exactly the best way to pick up girls, and seeing cute girls come in is TORTUOUS, but I'm too picky. I don't like outgoing extroverts. I like introverts. I think i'm a little odd in that part. Of course, unless i start school back up I doubt i'll meet many people. Anyways, because of my impossible taste in girls i've decided not to look for one till Harumi (my 78 280z) is looking halfway decent and has a turbo under the hood. (so....probably a year or so)
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2008-02-04, 06:51 | Link #458 |
Clannad Preacher
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: In my fantasy dreamworld called Clannad
Age: 30
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liking introverts is perfectly fine, everybody has their own tastes. But yeah, to find one, I would advise starting school back up, and join extracirricular activities you enjoy.
Yesterday, my gf and I made out for the first time....and it feels great o-o
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2008-02-04, 13:51 | Link #459 | |
Love Yourself
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Northeast USA
Age: 38
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As was mentioned above, there's nothing wrong with liking introverts over extroverts. I was the same way. My fear was that being mostly introverted myself, dating an extrovert would result in a clash of lifestyles and possibly values. In my experience, my fears were largely true. You want to maximize compatibility where you can. But if you're too picky, you'll never really get a feel for what you really want. We all have the statistics of our ideal woman in our minds, but thinking it is different than experiencing it. I don't recommend doing this at work, but if you see a girl and feel an attraction to her, then take any chances that come your way to get to know her better. You're not committing to her, and you're getting a feel for who she is. Maybe she won't be as extroverted as you'd first judged her to be, or maybe you'll discover that you enjoy some extroverted activities. Additionally, how many girls feel the need to put on a show and go to parties all the time because they're afraid that no guy would want them or be able to find them otherwise? I've known a few. Arguably they're not "true" introverts if they can do that, but that sort of lifestyle - the lifestyle that would make you judge them as being extroverts - isn't what makes them happy. If you've dated dozens of girls, then feel free to ignore my advice - I'm going under the assumption that most of us on this thread have little to no dating experience. I'm happily in a relationship, but the advice I give here is the advice I would give to myself four, maybe even five years ago if I could. Constantly waiting on who you might judge to be miss perfect, always holding out for someone to take the initiative with you... it's not easy, and for introverts it takes a lot of courage (and adrenaline-induced anxiety) but it'd be better to actively shop around. You'll get a better feel for people, you'll gain more experience in approaching people about possible romance, you'll gain more self confidence, and you'll lose some of that frustration derived from not dating because you'll be actively working toward something.
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2008-02-04, 15:43 | Link #460 | |
Senior Member
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surprisingly i never really liked dating extroverts, despite my hobbies. i am farily introverted at heart, so that might have something to do with it.
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i know what you mean with a lot of what you said, but it's a pretty nice reminder ^__^
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advice, break-ups, dating, dating after divorce, divorce, happiness, love, pairings, single dad, single mom |
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