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Old 2011-02-21, 16:35   Link #8241
Asuras
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But when that person by your side isn't exactly what you'd call entertaining or even really comforting...
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Old 2011-02-21, 16:42   Link #8242
Ricky Controversy
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If you genuinely want to end your relationship, then it's as simple as telling her that you're not feeling what you want to feel in your relationship with her. If you want to be in love, there's not really any two ways about it.

Quote:
You don't have to end one just because you're not in love though, having anyone by your side is better than being alone.
Not really. It depends on what you want. If 'companionship' alone is satisfactory, sure, but A) this may be unfair if the other party desires more, and B) it causes problems if you're in a relationship that doesn't satisfy your particular desires, because your behavior will inevitably show that.

However, all this is assuming that you're actually putting your best foot forward in the relationship to begin with. Love is not something that just passively happens over time, neither is basic attraction. Either will, if neglected or pushed away, eventually dissolve. So ask yourself: have I done the best I can? If the answer is yes and you are still dissatisfied by the relationship in spite of that, it's time to let go for both your sakes.
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Old 2011-02-21, 16:49   Link #8243
Asuras
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Done the best I can? I'm saying it again in a more detailed manner, but she isn't particularly funny, bright, caring... Her methods of speaking are starting to really irk me. It has nothing to do with acting in my prime.
Granted, this is my first real relationship, and I have no experience, but I can tell when things aren't connecting. It really started with her liking me, so I decided to try. Who knows? Maybe it will turn around, I'm not sure. In fact, I have no assurance whatsoever, being new. All I can say now is that it's not what I'd call true affection. On either side.
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Old 2011-02-21, 16:58   Link #8244
Ricky Controversy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Asuras View Post
Done the best I can? I'm saying it again in a more detailed manner, but she isn't particularly funny, bright, caring... Her methods of speaking are starting to really irk me. It has nothing to do with acting in my prime.
Fair enough, as long as you're clear about that.

Quote:
Granted, this is my first real relationship, and I have no experience, but I can tell when things aren't connecting. It really started with her liking me, so I decided to try. Who knows? Maybe it will turn around, I'm not sure. In fact, I have no assurance whatsoever, being new. All I can say now is that it's not what I'd call true affection. On either side.
Then if it's not something you want a part of, don't keep hanging around and waste your time as well as hers. In a relationship where you genuinely care, the reason difficulties trouble the involved parties is because they want to make it work well, not because they don't want to be around that person.
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Old 2011-02-21, 17:02   Link #8245
Asuras
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I don't think she shares the same inclination towards splitting, and quite frankly, being a high school girl in her fantasies of love, doesn't understand the situation. Me and my highly sympathetic qualities couldn't bear the thought of ending something so abruptly in which the other party would be hurt. That's my problem. A lack of balls, you could say.
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Old 2011-02-21, 17:04   Link #8246
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Originally Posted by Prodigy View Post
If you know the risks and still want to pursue him, then why not go for it. Just prepare yourself for the consequences.

It seems like your in one of those MTV reality shows with all this drama.
I do...

and yes it does Sometimes my life can be like a rather screwed up chick flick...XD

Quote:
Originally Posted by JC... View Post
Has anyone here ever been in love?
yeah...it's fucked me over, too
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Old 2011-02-21, 17:14   Link #8247
Ricky Controversy
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Originally Posted by Asuras View Post
I don't think she shares the same inclination towards splitting, and quite frankly, being a high school girl in her fantasies of love, doesn't understand the situation. Me and my highly sympathetic qualities couldn't bear the thought of ending something so abruptly in which the other party would be hurt. That's my problem. A lack of balls, you could say.
Is it really that sympathetic to keep her in a relationship with someone who doesn't want to be with her when she could be free to search for and find someone who does?
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Old 2011-02-21, 17:17   Link #8248
Asuras
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Do you realize how a typical high school girls mind can work? A three week relationship ending can result in a night of crying in your room for christ's sake. You think she'll realize what you stated when I break it to her? I highly doubt it. I predict it'll turn to tears or silence.
I understand you point, but unfortunately, not everyone does.
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Old 2011-02-21, 17:21   Link #8249
Ricky Controversy
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Originally Posted by Asuras View Post
Do you realize how a typical high school girls mind works? A three week relationship can result in a night of crying in your room for christ's sake. You think she'll realize what you stated when I break it to her? I highly doubt it. I predict it'll turn to tears or silence.
I understand you point, but unfortunately, not everyone does.
Of course I know. It's not like I haven't dated a high-school age girl before, especially when I was, you know, in high school. But you're also missing a crucial point. You can either go through with it now and have her be upset for a while before getting over it...

Or you can wait it out, in which case she'll get upset anyway, then bored or angry, and then feel like she wasted time, or that you wasted her time.

Take your pick.
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Old 2011-02-21, 17:23   Link #8250
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JC... View Post
Has anyone here ever been in love?
Thought I was. Asuras put it best:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Asuras View Post
Half of us probably thought we were, I'm guessing.
The first time is always a litmus test. You always think "this is it!" and usually you realize in the end it wasn't what you thought it was.


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Originally Posted by Kaijo View Post
Yep. And it's an interesting feeling when it happens, because it puts earlier crushes in perspective, and makes you really understand later if you are truly in love or not.
In agreement with this. I'm actually talking to someone now and it makes me realize why I ever thought I was in love with the previous girl I was talking to.
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Old 2011-02-21, 17:34   Link #8251
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Originally Posted by Ricky Controversy View Post
Or you can wait it out, in which case she'll get upset anyway, then bored or angry, and then feel like she wasted time, or that you wasted her time.
This. There may be no way to break things off without hurting her feelings, but you can still do your best to treat her decently on the way down - for your own peace of mind afterward, if nothing else.
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Old 2011-02-21, 17:44   Link #8252
germanturkey
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Originally Posted by JC... View Post
Has anyone here ever been in love?
yes. its a world of difference being in love and being infatuated.
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Old 2011-02-21, 17:45   Link #8253
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Asuras View Post
Already I can tell I'm not in love in my relationship. How do I end it?
I'm sincerely sorry, but I really laughed about that. That kind of maniac is-she-crying-or-laughing villian-laugh. That's just me being sick and remembering a similar situation. Simply put:
You're fu~~ed!

It doesn't matter when, it doesn't matter how, you'll be the evil heart breaker and have to live with crushing a heart and all the shit that ensues.
It's inevitable, unless Armor suddenly stabs you in your sleep with an arrow. Or she suddenly decided she doesn't love you after all.

The only thing you can do is be as gentle and honest for her and your conscience sake. Endure and be kind.
You won't get a thanks for it, but doing the right thing is rarely rewarded.

Other than that: What Ricky said, I won't even attempt to try; he already said it all and very well, too.

Quote:
Originally Posted by JC... View Post
Has anyone here ever been in love?
In all honesty, I think I'd have to say "no". If you mean love love.
I had crushes, I've been seriously in love, but I don't think I've experienced true love yet.
I was crazy about my boyfriends, I was miserable when we broke; but I never had this "puts the past experiences into perspective" thing Kaijo describes.
I think there are many different kinds of loves and while I had my heart broken, I don't think I ever truly gave it away - fully and earnestly; I always kept a part to myself.

I'm still young, so I hope there are a lot more experiences to come. I think it would be conceited to truly measure my experiences till now, but I think I'm only a low/mid-leveler in the love games as of now, with a lot to look forward to.
Joy and pain wait for me, I'm on my way!
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Old 2011-02-21, 17:55   Link #8254
Ricky Controversy
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Vis a vis the "in love" question? Yes. Clearly. If you have to think about it, the answer is no, but I can pretty firmly say it has happened five times. Some people may say that at my age, that means my love is cheap, but I don't think anyone's love can be cheap. Some people just experience it more readily than others, and I'm one of the ready ones.

Anyone who knows me well knows that I wear my heart right out on my sleeve, and that I'm pretty bad at holding back.
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Old 2011-02-21, 18:08   Link #8255
Asuras
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zebra View Post
I'm sincerely sorry, but I really laughed about that. That kind of maniac is-she-crying-or-laughing villian-laugh. That's just me being sick and remembering a similar situation. Simply put:
You're fu~~ed!

It doesn't matter when, it doesn't matter how, you'll be the evil heart breaker and have to live with crushing a heart and all the shit that ensues.
It's inevitable, unless Armor suddenly stabs you in your sleep with an arrow. Or she suddenly decided she doesn't love you after all.

The only thing you can do is be as gentle and honest for her and your conscience sake. Endure and be kind.
You won't get a thanks for it, but doing the right thing is rarely rewarded.
Well put? Just have to wait it out, I guess. Lovely.
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Old 2011-02-21, 18:12   Link #8256
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ricky Controversy View Post
Anyone who knows me well knows that I wear my heart right out on my sleeve, and that I'm pretty bad at holding back.
I have to say I really admire that. I'm the exact opposite.

One of my closest friends is like that, too. Even so it brought her much more heart break than necessary, I'm still envious how she is able to offer her love so freely.
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Old 2011-02-21, 18:25   Link #8257
Ricky Controversy
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Originally Posted by zebra View Post
I have to say I really admire that. I'm the exact opposite.

One of my closest friends is like that, too. Even so it brought her much more heart break than necessary, I'm still envious how she is able to offer her love so freely.
Eh, everyone has their own way, and each has its ups and downs. It's a bit of a weird paradox, because giving all of your heart to someone is something that's only really okay if you have a lot of confidence and peace with yourself, because it will hurt that much more if/when things fall apart. But the point you're able to come out of it without permanent damage, many people decide that they don't necessarily want companionship all that badly.

In my case, I don't want companionship in a general sense. I only ever feel the desire if there is a specific someone in my purview that stirs me up.
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Old 2011-02-21, 18:25   Link #8258
RadiantBeam
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JC... View Post
Has anyone here ever been in love?
Oh, yes. I've been in love before. Best feeling in the world, but it can damn well hurt you like nothing else can.
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Old 2011-02-21, 18:56   Link #8259
Kaijo
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Asuras View Post
Done the best I can? I'm saying it again in a more detailed manner, but she isn't particularly funny, bright, caring... Her methods of speaking are starting to really irk me. It has nothing to do with acting in my prime.
Granted, this is my first real relationship, and I have no experience, but I can tell when things aren't connecting. It really started with her liking me, so I decided to try. Who knows? Maybe it will turn around, I'm not sure. In fact, I have no assurance whatsoever, being new. All I can say now is that it's not what I'd call true affection. On either side.
A relationship takes work, and you will not always "like" your partner. You have to be able to talk to them about what's bothering you, and if you can't do that, then you aren't ready for any relationship. My advice would be to talk first; perhaps she's open to change, and can become someone you become more fond of. If she loves you, she'll be willing to change. If you simply cut her out, though, you'll make hurt her greatly.
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Old 2011-02-22, 02:57   Link #8260
Knightrunner
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Okay, I think I need to listen to other peoples perspectives.

How can I introduce myself to a girl in my class (university level) without looking odd. Lets just say the setting is in the University cafeteria and she usually talks to her friend for 20 minutes then leaves.
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