AnimeSuki Forums

StratoSpear · 2013-04-20, 21:21

It would be even, somewhat. Loadouts be damned since it's between an Uchigane and a Personal unit.

Tossing this music in while writing the part out too.

DarkJak2050 · 2013-04-20, 21:32

Well, at least you're fairing better than me.

StratoSpear · 2013-04-20, 21:44

Writing chapters, maybe. Story recognition, not quite so...

Eratas123 · 2013-04-20, 22:06

What do you mean story recognition?

StratoSpear · 2013-04-20, 22:22

Not sure what other way I could put it. Most of my friends who had a hand in reading my fic has the first impression (and the only impression for most) that it's going to be a Stu powered armor story.

McArbiter, according to his review, is one of the few who actually dwells deeper and sees something else to the story.

It just worries me somehow that the first few chapters that might've scared off readers from going further in.

ZeroXSEED · 2013-04-21, 00:12

Strange, considering how well received the old Athena was...

That said, don't be discouraged. Ask the reviewer for help, if possible.

StratoSpear · 2013-04-21, 02:25

I'll see to it. Having trouble churning out scenes when sudden ones keep popping into my head forcing me to write it down somewhere...

Quote:

With their sights laid upon Tanegashima Island, Ichika leads the formation consisting of Houki, Lingyin, Cecilia, Charlotte and finally Laura.

“Tanegashima Space Center… Who would’ve thought…?”

As Houki passes the question, Lingyin grows even more troubled, magnifying her view upon the distant orbital launch complex.

‘Tsurugi…’

*ti-tiit—!*

“-We got a radar signature closing in on our six!-”

“…!”

The pilots turn their heads at Laura’s prompt, looking over their shoulders. Far beyond their range of sight, the Stygian Gospel speeds head-on in hot pursuit of the formation, folding its twin wings down parallel to its back.

“It’s an IS… I’m not sure who exactly though.”

“It might be one of the units dispatched by Phantom Task to retrieve the Athena right after we’ve tracked down its location.”

“Why now of all times…” Houki cringes, abruptly pulling out of the formation and turning to the pursuing IS.

“Houki…!”

“You guys press on ahead, it’s only one unit! I’ll drive it off!”

The rest advance while Houki hovers in place.

“Get ‘em, Amatsuki!” She swings the glowing katana out hard, firing a shower of crimson beams which fans out like a wide web then converges upon the speeding Gospel.

*KA-PAA—!* The Gospel’s wings pop open, revealing its four huge wings on its back and using them as an airbrake. Analyzing the beams’ oncoming trajectory, the Gospel weaves its way through the homing beams raining upon its path with very little effort. Houki sweeps the Karaware katana across her front in an aggressive flourish, firing multiple crescent-shaped energy beams.

“-Engaging secondary objective: Akatsubaki.-”

Dodging every crescent beam fired it way, the Gospel flaps its massive wings, giving a brief boost of speed as it closes in on Houki, much to her surprise upon seeing the unit.

“Silver Gospel...!?”

This time, (Spoiler Warning)UC Ep 6 is responsible.

Eratas123 · 2013-04-21, 03:02

I guess its because the readers are naturally wary about any power armor. With all due respect, the average reader will look at the summary and think "No way, a power armor that isn't an IS.....but it fights like an IS, can take on an IS, and has basically the same traits except its more Gundam than Sky girls".

I also stated it before, but I vehemently chided you a few months ago that the Athena suit became more and more IS like: In the beginning it was strong, but it was offset by not being summonable from hammerspace and being limited to conventional arms like missiles and guns. Then it could be taken anywhere and fired lasers, so it essentially started copying the IS.

demino_hellsin · 2013-04-21, 03:08

The biggest problem I believe is athena popping up everywhere then leaving the canon cast stymied every single time. His problems don't give much of a sense of urgency either.

DarkJak2050 · 2013-04-21, 03:10

Hey, StratoSpear.

The Minerva's weapons, are they mounted on the armor or Hand Held?

StratoSpear · 2013-04-21, 03:18

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eratas123

I also stated it before, but I vehemently chided you a few months ago that the Athena suit became more and more IS like: In the beginning it was strong, but it was offset by not being summonable from hammerspace and being limited to conventional arms like missiles and guns. Then it could be taken anywhere and fired lasers, so it essentially started copying the IS.

Would it be that irredeemable for copying an IS? Granted, it goes through its own set of improvements and developments.

One thing's for sure though, I do find the upgrading process in the pre-rewrite quite abrupt.

Quote:

Originally Posted by demino_hellsin

The biggest problem I believe is athena popping up everywhere then leaving the canon cast stymied every single time. His problems don't give much of a sense of urgency either.

Which specifically, if I may ask?

Quote:

Originally Posted by DarkJak2050

Hey, StratoSpear.

The Minerva's weapons, are they mounted on the armor or Hand Held?

A combination of both, actually. Same goes for its succeeding incarnations.

DarkJak2050 · 2013-04-21, 03:32

Quote:

Originally Posted by StratoSpear

A combination of both, actually. Same goes for its succeeding incarnations.

Some of the Silverbacks are like that as well. But Brian's (Ratchet) is different.

StratoSpear · 2013-04-21, 03:43

How different?

demino_hellsin · 2013-04-21, 03:45

Well most every draft I've read either has the hero appearing out of nowhere herding the canon cast away despite being completely capable of defeating the enemies themselves, probably. And then he disappears without a trace. The canon cast don't seem to give his identity much weight other than, "wonder who that guy was? Maybe we should report it in?"

Then when they try to piece together his identity there's little tension. They know its called minerva, they know its weapon systems little by little throug observation of its combat but have little to no luck in piecing where it was made and what design it's based on. Our hero was deduced out of a list of potential people who could be the pilot. But there's a sense of "now what?". Don't get me wrong, the scenes are intense and fun reads but the overall atmosphere is lacking. That easily makes people mistake the fic as a sue thing.

DarkJak2050 · 2013-04-21, 03:49

Quote:

Originally Posted by StratoSpear

How different?

For Brian's Silverback, the armor in his right forearm folds/extends over and covers his right hand; making his right arm into an arm cannon for certain weapons. This occurs when he uses his Flak Cannon. When he uses a different weapon (ex. Saber Assault Rifle), it's hand held.

For Eric's (Hot Shot), he has forearm mounted Combat Blades. Dismountable so he can wield them in his hands.

For Eddie's (Sideswipe) and Clay's (Scourge), I haven't really decided anything for them. Although, I have ideas...

But other than that, their other weapons (Sabers, Desert Rangers, Shockbursts) are hand held.

Eratas123 · 2013-04-21, 05:40

@ Stratos - Then why bother calling it the Minerva? Might as well call it "The IS: Dude edition". Example: Nukes are pretty much the giant Non-no of the world right now because of destructive power and radiation. So what happens if someone uses a missile that destroys giant areas and leaves radiation, but calls it something else instead? Its still a nuke; calling it a neke or a noke doesn't change that.

Readers dislike liars. Better to own up than pretend you're different while making little effort to appear so.

ZeroXSEED · 2013-04-21, 05:48

Technically, you can launch a big-ass bullet made of radioactive heavy metal from space at sufficient velocity. It has many of nuke's properties, but it wasn't a nuke

Once again, I'll bring up old argument. The old Minerva/Proioxis is flat out said as refurbished I.S. (since it DOES have core) with different kind of shell, it wasn't called I.S., because it's no longer I.S. anymore.

And no one made a fuss

The new Minerva is a completely new unit, built from scratch, some kind of branch concept etc. This is a lot more in line with typical Armorstu plot, no offense. I knew Stratospear didn't meant it, and I still blame the early generation of fanficcers for this, even if Eras have his point.

Once again, don't be discouraged. But at the same time, stay as usual.

Oh, and nice draft, i can feel the tension there.

DarkJak2050 · 2013-04-21, 05:57

Thanks a lot you guys.

Now I have that bad feeling with my fic again...

Eratas123 · 2013-04-21, 06:00

@ Senpai - Exactly my point: Its not TECHNICALLY a nuke, but would the general person give a shite about the minute distinctions?

ZeroXSEED · 2013-04-21, 06:04

Yes

Would be nice if it's applied in universe, really. Most of the main canon characters are tech savvy enough to avoid that, at least partially. The layman on the other hand will go either "Power armor?" to "I never seen that I.S. before", similar to reader's reaction.

2013-04-20, 21:21	Link #41561
StratoSpear Titans Test Team Pilot Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: The Elysium	It would be even, somewhat. Loadouts be damned since it's between an Uchigane and a Personal unit. Tossing this music in while writing the part out too. __________________ "You cannot be bad at watching a movie. You cannot be bad at listening to an album. ...But you can be bad at playing a videogame, and the game will punish you and deny you access to the rest of the videogame."

2013-04-20, 21:44	Link #41563
StratoSpear Titans Test Team Pilot Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: The Elysium	Writing chapters, maybe. Story recognition, not quite so... __________________ "You cannot be bad at watching a movie. You cannot be bad at listening to an album. ...But you can be bad at playing a videogame, and the game will punish you and deny you access to the rest of the videogame."

2013-04-20, 22:06	Link #41564
Eratas123 Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2011	What do you mean story recognition? __________________

2013-04-20, 22:22	Link #41565
StratoSpear Titans Test Team Pilot Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: The Elysium	Not sure what other way I could put it. Most of my friends who had a hand in reading my fic has the first impression (and the only impression for most) that it's going to be a Stu powered armor story. McArbiter, according to his review, is one of the few who actually dwells deeper and sees something else to the story. It just worries me somehow that the first few chapters that might've scared off readers from going further in. __________________ "You cannot be bad at watching a movie. You cannot be bad at listening to an album. ...But you can be bad at playing a videogame, and the game will punish you and deny you access to the rest of the videogame."

2013-04-21, 00:12	Link #41566
ZeroXSEED I am no one Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Inside your head	Strange, considering how well received the old Athena was... That said, don't be discouraged. Ask the reviewer for help, if possible. __________________

2013-04-20, 21:32	Link #41562
DarkJak2050 Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2011	Well, at least you're fairing better than me.

2013-04-21, 03:02	Link #41568
Eratas123 Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2011	I guess its because the readers are naturally wary about any power armor. With all due respect, the average reader will look at the summary and think "No way, a power armor that isn't an IS.....but it fights like an IS, can take on an IS, and has basically the same traits except its more Gundam than Sky girls". I also stated it before, but I vehemently chided you a few months ago that the Athena suit became more and more IS like: In the beginning it was strong, but it was offset by not being summonable from hammerspace and being limited to conventional arms like missiles and guns. Then it could be taken anywhere and fired lasers, so it essentially started copying the IS. __________________

2013-04-21, 03:08	Link #41569
demino_hellsin That one guy Join Date: Nov 2011	The biggest problem I believe is athena popping up everywhere then leaving the canon cast stymied every single time. His problems don't give much of a sense of urgency either.

2013-04-21, 03:10	Link #41570
DarkJak2050 Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2011	Hey, StratoSpear. The Minerva's weapons, are they mounted on the armor or Hand Held?

2013-04-21, 03:43	Link #41573
StratoSpear Titans Test Team Pilot Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: The Elysium	How different? __________________ "You cannot be bad at watching a movie. You cannot be bad at listening to an album. ...But you can be bad at playing a videogame, and the game will punish you and deny you access to the rest of the videogame."

2013-04-21, 03:45	Link #41574
demino_hellsin That one guy Join Date: Nov 2011	Well most every draft I've read either has the hero appearing out of nowhere herding the canon cast away despite being completely capable of defeating the enemies themselves, probably. And then he disappears without a trace. The canon cast don't seem to give his identity much weight other than, "wonder who that guy was? Maybe we should report it in?" Then when they try to piece together his identity there's little tension. They know its called minerva, they know its weapon systems little by little throug observation of its combat but have little to no luck in piecing where it was made and what design it's based on. Our hero was deduced out of a list of potential people who could be the pilot. But there's a sense of "now what?". Don't get me wrong, the scenes are intense and fun reads but the overall atmosphere is lacking. That easily makes people mistake the fic as a sue thing.

2013-04-21, 05:40	Link #41576
Eratas123 Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2011	@ Stratos - Then why bother calling it the Minerva? Might as well call it "The IS: Dude edition". Example: Nukes are pretty much the giant Non-no of the world right now because of destructive power and radiation. So what happens if someone uses a missile that destroys giant areas and leaves radiation, but calls it something else instead? Its still a nuke; calling it a neke or a noke doesn't change that. Readers dislike liars. Better to own up than pretend you're different while making little effort to appear so. __________________

2013-04-21, 05:48	Link #41577
ZeroXSEED I am no one Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Inside your head	Technically, you can launch a big-ass bullet made of radioactive heavy metal from space at sufficient velocity. It has many of nuke's properties, but it wasn't a nuke Once again, I'll bring up old argument. The old Minerva/Proioxis is flat out said as refurbished I.S. (since it DOES have core) with different kind of shell, it wasn't called I.S., because it's no longer I.S. anymore. And no one made a fuss The new Minerva is a completely new unit, built from scratch, some kind of branch concept etc. This is a lot more in line with typical Armorstu plot, no offense. I knew Stratospear didn't meant it, and I still blame the early generation of fanficcers for this, even if Eras have his point. Once again, don't be discouraged. But at the same time, stay as usual. Oh, and nice draft, i can feel the tension there. __________________

2013-04-21, 05:57	Link #41578
DarkJak2050 Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2011	Thanks a lot you guys. Now I have that bad feeling with my fic again...

2013-04-21, 06:00	Link #41579
Eratas123 Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2011	@ Senpai - Exactly my point: Its not TECHNICALLY a nuke, but would the general person give a shite about the minute distinctions? __________________

2013-04-21, 06:04	Link #41580
ZeroXSEED I am no one Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Inside your head	Yes Would be nice if it's applied in universe, really. Most of the main canon characters are tech savvy enough to avoid that, at least partially. The layman on the other hand will go either "Power armor?" to "I never seen that I.S. before", similar to reader's reaction. __________________