Parents / Family: opinions, comments and discussion

[Aya_Lyka]

wow congrats on being a dad.

[LovePhoenix]

Congrats~! Have fun being a dad. But it's a big responsibility, you know. Be careful!

[Superchop]

What the hell!? I barely come on here and when i do i get this kind of surprise?

Congrats Buddy!! Let us know when the baby's born and register him on here If he gets banned then that just means he's following you in your footsteps lol

[LeoXiao]

I have a great family. I took it for granted until a little while ago, and then I began to realize how many other people my age don't have the good family environment I do.

My girlfriend is 8 months pregnant carrying my baby boy

Congratulations on that. It must be awesome to be a dad.

[Knowledge Seeker]

Congrats on the new life!

Really, I used to hate my parents for a variety of reasons growing up. They were very strict about me obtaining an education. It was to the point to where I wanted to scream 7 nights a week, haha. But their strict upbringing gave me lots of abilities that I never knew I had. I make excellent grades, have a decent job (with the economy coming loose, I can't complain), and things to be proud of.

While they are annoying most of the time, they steered me in the right direction. I have three parents so it was kind of hard to escape them. =p

[Narona]

Originally Posted by ff7799

Well I think this is a good question. Do your parents suck. Do they bug the living hell out of you over pointless things, are they hyporcrites and especially are they cheap.

Personally, no. I have great, very great parents.

They (did) give to their daughters a lot of love and time, but they didn't treat us as if we were a kind of princess. So it happened that they were strict, but imo, they were right to be. As my mother says when we say something bad "this is not like that, that a lady should act", "this is not what a lady should say" . My mom is a dragon, but the best dragon ever. I love her a lot <3

I (for my sisters, it's the same) can talk with them about everything (yeah, everything), while almost all my friends rely on friends, magazines, internet etc. So when I have/had a problem, I go/went to talk to them. Thanks to them I didn't do anything wrong when i was a teenager (same about my sisters). I always listened to them because each time after having thought about what they said to me, I was/am sure they were/are right.

They are great And I am very proud of the education that they give to me. They are the only persons + my sisters that I completely trust. I hope I will become a mother as good as my mama.

I know that they will never read that, but mama, papa, I love you ^o^

[Traece]

Originally Posted by Narona

Spoiler for Narona talking about her parents:

Personally, no. I have great, very great parents.

They (did) give to their daughters a lot of love and time, but they didn't treat us as if we were a kind of princess. So it happened that they were strict, but imo, they were right to be. As my mother says when we say something bad "this is not like that, that a lady should act", "this is not what a lady should say" . My mom is a dragon, but the best dragon ever. I love her a lot <3

I (for my sisters, it's the same) can talk with them about everything (yeah, everything), while almost all my friends rely on friends, magazines, internet etc. So when I have/had a problem, I go/went to talk to them. Thanks to them I didn't do anything wrong when i was a teenager (same about my sisters). I always listened to them because each time after having thought about what they said to me, I was/am sure they were/are right.

They are great And I am very proud of the education that they give to me. They are the only persons + my sisters that I completely trust. I hope I will become a mother as good as my mama.

I know that they will never read that, but mama, papa, I love you ^o^

Congrats on becoming a father Shay. Hopefully you have a child that loves his parents as much as Narona loves hers. You'd be the happiest dad alive methinks.

[Narona]

Originally Posted by Traece

Narona got confused and thinks she's the dad. <_<.

You have to admit that it was confusing, you meanie (I'm joking ^^)

[Spring_sakura111]

I love my parents~!!!!!! <3 They understand how I love anime a lot~~ ♥♥

[Tsukune101]

So you judged Asian parents on the statistics of how many?
Did you actually talk to these people and get to know them, the last generation of many Asian parents i've known have treated them well, what's wrong with my mum and dad wanting me to marry another asian?
Most white kids i've seen ARE racists, spoilt brats...

[Vexx]

Originally Posted by Tsukune101

So you judged Asian parents on the statistics of how many?
Did you actually talk to these people and get to know them, the last generation of many Asian parents i've known have treated them well, what's wrong with my mum and dad wanting me to marry another asian?
Most white kids i've seen ARE racists, spoilt brats...

You were doing fine until that last sentence. That was a nasty little irrational remark unless you've been highly isolated and the examples you've had were bad. Otherwise, you're slamming millions of people without basis just like the bad examples you're referring to.

My comment about your parents is that they *should* be saying is "find someone you like and are willing to spend a long time with". Frankly, that may include racial similarity just as it'll include educational, social, and cultural similarities.

As for the OP concerns,
Well I think this is a good question. Do your parents suck. Do they bug the living hell out of you over pointless things, are they hyporcrites and especially are they cheap.
Kind of makes me think of starting a thread called "Do your kids suck? Do they fulfill their obligations? Do they pick up after themselves? Are they trying to become responsible adults? Are they hypocrites themselves and do they have no clue about financial concerns? Do they know how to actually have fun and be happy or are they becoming whiny consumer-drones?

[greatpower2]

Some stories from my mom.

- She went to far away from home (1 block) which was a poorer area so her dad found her, grabbed a stick, and proceeded to make a switch, and beat her all the way home.

- Her brother was spanked for asking for a couple cookies and taking 3



This is of course pre S.R.S. stuff

[Tsukune101]

Originally Posted by Vexx

You were doing fine until that last sentence. That was a nasty little irrational remark unless you've been highly isolated and the examples you've had were bad. Otherwise, you're slamming millions of people without basis just like the bad examples you're referring to.

My comment about your parents is that they *should* be saying is "find someone you like and are willing to spend a long time with". Frankly, that may include racial similarity just as it'll include educational, social, and cultural similarities.

As for the OP concerns,
Well I think this is a good question. Do your parents suck. Do they bug the living hell out of you over pointless things, are they hyporcrites and especially are they cheap.
Kind of makes me think of starting a thread called "Do your kids suck? Do they fulfill their obligations? Do they pick up after themselves? Are they trying to become responsible adults? Are they hypocrites themselves and do they have no clue about financial concerns? Do they know how to actually have fun and be happy or are they becoming whiny consumer-drones?

Sorry, I over-reacted.

[Narona]

Originally Posted by Vexx

Kind of makes me think of starting a thread called "Do your kids suck? Do they fulfill their obligations? Do they pick up after themselves? Are they trying to become responsible adults? Are they hypocrites themselves and do they have no clue about financial concerns? Do they know how to actually have fun and be happy or are they becoming whiny consumer-drones?

Here in France, when the kids act like spoiled brats, often the people tend to point finger "only" at the parents of those kids (while I wonder if those people are "better" parents <_< but that's another story), but from what I see around me, I don't believe that it's "only" the parents fault when something goes wrong with a kid/tennager/ or even young adult.

I mean, for example, a lot of people from my generations tend to avoid to interact with their parents. Even when the latters really try to interact with their children, the kids tend to rely on other people like their friends, reading magazines to find answers, or now with internet, they post on forums. And I am not sure that it gives a better result (but I admit, it's from my personal point of view)

The society norms are also at fault imo. Here at least, when parents are very close to their children, they are people who look at them suspiciously. Yeah, I mean some have dirty thoughts. There was a debate about that on the TV some months ago, and the parents who were interviewed admitted that they don't want to appear too close with their children in case of the other people think that they do something wrong with them.

Me for example, I am very close with my parents and sisters, and there is absolutely nothing wrong. But when I talk to some people of my class, it happened that some were shocked as if "it was not normal".

On the teenagers side, it was not better (in the televised debate) and exactly how it was in my highschool and is in my university, as if "parents can't be trusted on some things and/or they will control you, they are Evil!!!! (some young people want absolute liberty for the better or the worst.)" (as if complete strangers on internet were better for example) and/or "being a family person is old-fashioned".

As a family person, I don't really like my kind to be criticized like that while I think I am a responsible adult and a nice person in comparison with a lot of persons around my age .

All in all, I hope I will have childrens someday. But from what I see, it could be VERY difficult to be a good parent. No matter some can do, and even if many people say that we live a Fabulous era, in my eyes, in the society I am living in, I have the feeling that it will become harder and harder to be a good parent. How can I explain that... to build that "link" between me and my children. I think that my parents really successed on that matter, but that doesn't mean I will become a parent as good as them. So, I really want to have some children, but at the same time, I am afraid (really) that everything will go out of control. If it happens, maybe it will be my fault... They will be my kids, obviously I will be at fault!!!!! As my mom says, "when you decide to do a baby, you have to realize your responsibilities." But still, I don't think that the society and environement in which the kids live outside of their parent's territory is "that" fabulous (at least not as much as what some famous people say it is here in france). And so, we tend to accuse the parents for everything, while, for example, the government here in France doesn't do a lot of preventive campaign for lots of things.

I would want to see a campaign about "Respect". Because I have the feeling that some young people want lots of things from their parents (read= money and total liberty), but lack to show respect towards them.

[Ledgem]

Originally Posted by Narona

The society norms are also at fault imo. Here at least, when parents are very close to their children, they are people who look at them suspiciously. Yeah, I mean some have dirty thoughts. There was a debate about that on the TV some months ago, and the parents who were interviewed admitted that they don't want to appear too close with their children in case of the other people think that they do something wrong with them.

That doesn't apply only to parent-child interactions. As a psychiatrist I was speaking to once remarked, 'we are living in a strange time in society, where showing compassion is frowned upon and met with suspicion.'

[Caeles]

I don't think you should ever talk down about your parents. They might not give you everything you want, or act exactly how you want, but that's how life is. It's extremely frustrating when people go on tangents about how much they hate their families.

Your parents gave you life, gave you a home, and if you're on a computer they've given you enough.


My parents might not be the parents of the year, but I still love them. My mom is in and out of the mental hospital, but I know thats not her fault. I still love her. My dad has to act as both parents which is extremely stressful. But thats not his fault and I still love him.

People need to appreciate family more. Sometimes it's all you have.

[Cut-Tongue]

My son Lemuel Ryoichi is five months old, and very smiley. I liked babies to begin with, so having him wasnt some huge shock to my system. On the other hand, I work eight hours a day, so I'm sure my wife is more tired than I am.

Hes awesome ^_^

[klowny]

My parents are cool, they have given me what i wanted and all they ask in return is respect and obedience. They never had anything while growing up in mexico and they want me to have a good life here in the United States

[0utf0xZer0]

Personally, I get along well with my parents, but I wouldn't describe myself as particularly close to them. I'm a bit closer to my dad than my mom just because he plays some of the same computer games I do, but talk outside of general themes like school doesn't generally go beyond that (although I've been thinking of roping my dad into watching Spice and Wolf with me since he's a big fantasy fan).

I do recall that my parents did discuss politics with me from time to time, and I wonder if some of their moral values rubbed off on me from that. Still, I hold quite a few different political and moral views from them, even if all of us could probably be described as being social liberal/economic centerists.

Originally Posted by Narona

Here in France, when the kids act like spoiled brats, often the people tend to point finger "only" at the parents of those kids (while I wonder if those people are "better" parents <_< but that's another story), but from what I see around me, I don't believe that it's "only" the parents fault when something goes wrong with a kid/tennager/ or even young adult.

I mean, for example, a lot of people from my generations tend to avoid to interact with their parents. Even when the latters really try to interact with their children, the kids tend to rely on other people like their friends, reading magazines to find answers, or now with internet, they post on forums. And I am not sure that it gives a better result (but I admit, it's from my personal point of view)

This kind of thing fascinates me. Some kids I knew in elementary school got into a lot of trouble because of who they ended up hanging out with. Yet on the other hand, I've had internet access with little to no parental supervision since I was like 13. Conventional wisdom would suggest that this would be a recipe for disaster, but I get the impression most parents wish their kids turned out as well as I have.

I tend to think that somehow I learned good judgement skills from my parents somewhere along the line, but I'm not sure where. Sure, I do think their morals came across in some of our discussions, but I can't find any pivotal moments that stand out to me. Either way, my parents trusted me with internet access at 13-ish and I don't think I abused it in particular (although I do remember reading quite a few sexually explicit fanfics as a teen).

To some extent, I wonder if it's sheer dumb luck that I never hung out much with "the bad kids".

Personally, I do rely on the internet a lot for advice because I'm more liberal about quite a few things than my parents, but I've also developed a good filter for bad influences.

Originally Posted by Narona

On the teenagers side, it was not better (in the televised debate) and exactly how it was in my highschool and is in my university, as if "parents can't be trusted on some things and/or they will control you, they are Evil!!!! (some young people want absolute liberty for the better or the worst.)" (as if complete strangers on internet were better for example) and/or "being a family person is old-fashioned".

My dad has observed that in our extended family, the most rebellious kids were actually the ones with the most controlling parents. So while I do think that parents need to be ready to deal with their kids when the step out of line (I've seen what happens when they don't do that too), I would advise that parents need to watch the extent to which they try and control their kids' lives.

Edit: also, about stereotypes regarding asian parents...

I don't like to stereotype people, but I've been thinking of asking a girl from my anime club out... and I'd be lying if I don't get nervous when she talks about having trouble explaining to her mom what she does when she goes out because she "doesn't know how to explain it in Chinese".

[Narona]

Originally Posted by Ledgem

That doesn't apply only to parent-child interactions. As a psychiatrist I was speaking to once remarked, 'we are living in a strange time in society, where showing compassion is frowned upon and met with suspicion.'

Now that I read your post again, I want to share what one of my teacher told me recently after having a talk we had already in the past. He said something in the same lines as you but then we talked about kindness and how "true kindness" can now be seen as strange or suspicious sometimes.

Originally Posted by 0utf0xZer0

but talk outside of general themes like school doesn't generally go beyond that

The complete opposite of me . I prefer to talk with them about everything rather than other people (minus my sisters who i trust a lot too). I will add that the problem is the same between childrens from a same familly. I have a strong bond with my sisters, while I know people who share one line a week with their sisters/brothers.

but I get the impression most parents wish their kids turned out as well as I have.

Which parents would wish to see their kids turning bad, anyways XD

To some extent, I wonder if it's sheer dumb luck that I never hung out much with "the bad kids".

Don't have a clue, but my comments were mostly directed to those children who:

- Let their parents being accused because they "supposely" haven't watched enough over him/her

- Let their parents being accused because they "supposely" have watched too much over him/her, and so because of that, the kid does the complete opposite of what his/her parents said.

If we take things like that, parents can always be at fault. They have a part of responsability, obviously, but imo, we tend to forget than all those persons over, at least, 15 have also a big part of responsibility, and are somewhat adult (some of them take the right to choose things for themselves because they feel like being mature enough and don't listen to advices coming from those "old fags", but then they play the "we are just kids card", bleh) and sometimes, the parents have nothing to do with the bad choices that their child took.

At least here, we treat them, imo, too much like if they were all child-angels who are not culprit of anything (but our current president is against that! For this time at least, I am on his side ). And we fire only at the parents/teachers.

Being a parent must be so hard. I can't even imagine the stress .

Personally, I do rely on the internet a lot for advice because I'm more liberal about quite a few things than my parents, but I've also developed a good filter for bad influences.

Whatever from who comes the advices, at least, we should think about it and wonder "is it really a good advice? Am I mature enough to think that I can be right on that matter?", even coming from close friends. "Does my friends to who i talked about that are better advisers than them? Why my parents said that? Because they love me? Hate me?", when a kid questions his parents' advices/opinions. I always thought that my parents' advices were good, but i can understand if another person thinks about it and comes to the conlusion that the advice is plain wrong.

But seeing a person rejecting an advice "just" because it comes from the parents they self-declared inapt to give advices is irritating. I can't help but feel angry when i hear something like "they are so old, there's no point in listening to them". >o<

My dad has observed that in our extended family, the most rebellious kids were actually the ones with the most controlling parents. So while I do think that parents need to be ready to deal with their kids when the step out of line (I've seen what happens when they don't do that too), I would advise that parents need to watch the extent to which they try and control their kids' lives.

I will say it depends on the method used by the parents. It's like teaching. If you just say to someone that he "must not play with fire", the kid will wonder why??? O_o and might not listen at all.

But if you say that to him and then show/explain explicitely "why" you say that and also that you are like that because you love him a lot, the kid has a better chance,imo, to understand why you are so serious about that.

My parents could be seen as "controlling parents" (i think they are not but whatever), i think, for example, but each time they wanted to warn us from something, they explained why they act like that and didn't hesitate in explaining how the world we live in can be harsh with those who are not careful. And how much they love us and fear that something bad could happen to us. They didn't lock up us in our rooms for years, we had plenty of occasions to go against their advices, so we had the choice in a way, but we (me and my two sis) always figured that we can trust them more than anyone else, and we believe in the education they gave to us, and that it will lead us to something that feels "right", and to happiness

So, the importance, imo, is not to be a tyran or not, is to build a strong bond with your kid. I am upset to not be able to build a link like that with my childrens (if i have kids someday), but I will try and try again. As I see it, it's not being "controlling", it's about love and how much i will care for them, every minutes of my life.

Edit: also, about stereotypes regarding asian parents...

I don't like to stereotype people, but I've been thinking of asking a girl from my anime club out... and I'd be lying if I don't get nervous when she talks about having trouble explaining to her mom what she does when she goes out because she "doesn't know how to explain it in Chinese".

I have a korean friend. I don't know about the other koreans and asians but her parents could be seen as strict from what I understood, but she believes in this rightness despite not having the same link I have with my parents. It's always interesting to talk with her about those "society/family talks and methods", and it breaks a recent stereotypes i hear sometimes here, that all the young asians are rebellious towards their parents who are supposed to be too strict.

I don't say that her parents are right or wrong, but I believe she chose to follow a way after having thought about it deeply. So, not forced.

Obviously, if a kid feels forced to be what he doesn't want to be, that is a problem. But with liberty of choices comes responsibilities.