2009-02-22, 01:28 | Link #3628 |
Gundam Boobs and Boom FTW
Join Date: Dec 2005
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UPS Airlines -- Just in case you need a laugh:
Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one; a reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in our jobs. After every flight, UPS pilots purportedly fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense o f humor. Here are some purported maintenance complaints submitted by UPS' pilots (marked with a P) and the purported solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By the way, UPS is purportedly the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident. P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. S: Almost replaced left inside main tire. * P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. * P: Something loose in cockpit S: Something tightened in cockpit * P: Dead bugs on windshield. S: Live bugs on back-order. * P: Auto pilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground. * P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed. * P: DME volume unbelievably loud. S: DME volume set to more believable level . * P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. S: That's what friction locks are for. * P : IFF inoperative in OFF mode. S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. * P: Suspected crack in windshield. S: Suspect you're right. * P: Number 3 engine missing. S: Engine found on right wing after brief search. * P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!) S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious. * P: Target radar hums. S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. * P: Mouse in cockpit. S: Cat installed. * P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. S: Took hammer away from midget. |
2009-02-23, 02:12 | Link #3633 |
Gundam Boobs and Boom FTW
Join Date: Dec 2005
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An out-of-breath 7 year-old girl ran up to her grandfather, who was tinkering in his workshop, and confronted him with the universally dreaded question: "What is sex...?"
He was surprised she'd ask such a question at her age, but thought if she's old enough to ask, she's old enough to get a straight answer. He wouldn't shirk his responsibilities. Steeling himself to leave nothing out, he proceeded to describe for her all the variations of human sexuality he could conjure, careful to impress upon her the joys and responsibilities of intercourse and procreation. When finally Grandpa was done pontificating, the little girl stood frozen, as though nailed to the spot, and looked at him with her mouth open, eyes wide in amazement. Seeing she was overwhelmed, he asked what caused her sudden curiosity. His granddaughter shook off her reverie and replied, "Grandma says dinner will be ready in a couple of secs." +_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+ Top 5 Perks Of Having New York's Key To The City 5. Priority landing privileges in all city rivers 4. Key starts all Buick Skylarks 3. If economy doesn't improve, you can trade key in at cash4gold.com 2. Granted immunity from having to watch the Knicks 1. May be exchanged for one Illinois senate seat |
2009-02-23, 04:00 | Link #3634 | |
Ha ha ha ha ha...
Graphic Designer
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Right behind you.
Age: 35
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2009-02-24, 00:00 | Link #3636 |
Honyaku no Hime
Fansubber
Join Date: May 2008
Location: In the eastern capital of the islands of the rising suns...
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More Japanese Conbini Fun! :D
As some of you may/may have not seen, back in January I posted the lovely tune all Japanese conbinis which more or less tell you everything you'll ever need to know xD
The Final Fantasy 7 and Smash Bros version is here. Today I found another version and even if you don't really know much about Japanese conbini culture, if you're a Dark Knight fan, you'll get a good laugh PS: The CC (caption) option should already be enabled for you all. ^^
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2009-02-24, 02:11 | Link #3637 |
Gundam Boobs and Boom FTW
Join Date: Dec 2005
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Each Friday night after work, Bubba would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a venison steak.. But, all of Bubba's neighbors were Catholic. And since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating meat on Friday. The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their priest.
The Priest came to visit Bubba, and suggested that he become a Catholic. After several classes and much study, Bubba attended Mass and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, 'You were born a Baptist, and raised a Baptist, but now you are a Catholic. Bubba's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived, and the wonderful aroma of grilled venison filled the neighborhood. The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors, and, as he rushed into Bubba's yard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement. There stood Bubba, clutching a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meat and chanted: You wuz born a deer, you wuz raised a deer, but now you is a catfish. +_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+ Sitting by the window of her convent, Sister Barbara opened a letter from home one evening. Inside the letter was a $100 bill her parents had sent. Sister Barbara smiled at the gesture. As she read the letter by the window, she noticed a shabbily dressed stranger leaning against the lamp post below. Quickly, she wrote, "Don't despair. Sister Barbara," on a piece of paper, wrapped the $100 bill in it, got the man's attention and tossed it out the window to him. The stranger picked it up, and with a puzzled expression and a tip of his hat, went off down the street. The next day, Sister Barbara was told that a man was at her door, insisting on seeing her. She went down, and found the stranger waiting. Without a word, he handed her a huge wad of $100 bills. "What's this?" she asked. "That's the $8,000 you have coming Sister," he replied. "Don't Despair paid 80-to-1." |
2009-02-25, 08:01 | Link #3639 | |
Hige
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: God only knows
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1+
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2009-02-25, 19:17 | Link #3640 | |
Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: JPN around Tokyo
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The elaborate depictions of Convini are great . I don't know the characters, but they are cute and funny.
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humor |
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