Dating

[Miko Miko]

Originally Posted by GDB

Because she lied in order to get into a club. If she wants to ever go there again, she can't have someone who works there knowing she's underage. Granted it's probably best if she didn't, since there are age limits for a reason, but that'd be the reason she wouldn't tell him I presume.
Even though he thinks she's of legal age, it's still rather odd that he's sending her all these sexual messages. From what I gathered, they only met in person that one time. I don't think that qualifies as a normal adult "thing".

I do want to go back to the club, you totally understand I know it's best if I don't go back, but in fairness, it's just for a good night out.
& we've met more than once since, but that was just the first time I pointed out.

Originally Posted by RadiantBeam

Hm, then I have to say, that raises the question of what's more important to Miko: being able to go to the club, or being honest with the guy? Because really, as much as I hate to say this, it seems that Miko really brought the whole situation on herself by pretending to be older than she was. So even if the guy is sending her sexual texts and such, there's really nothing wrong because he thinks she's old enough to handle/be used to that kind of thing.

I dont want have to lie to him, after reading all this feedback on the situation I think my best bet is to just leave it. & it's not that I mind the sexual texts so much, it's the fact that I don't want them all the time, there seems to be a reference to something sexual in every text.

Originally Posted by Tsuyoshi

Miko, I'm concerned. Not neccessarily for you, but I am. Iirc, you were interested in your teacher. You do understand the implications of that right? And now you're interested in another guy, and to make things more interesting, you lied to him about your age.

Considering the things you said in this thread before, I have the impression that you're still trying to venture into the wild to find out what it is you want. But you have to be cautious. It's ok to go out into the wild. What's not ok is going out there without being aware of its dangers, which is exactly what you're doing. You're trying to step into the world of adults before you're ready and knowledgeable. At this stage, I honestly think that the best thing for you is to make friends more than anything, and you should seriously consider dating guys your own age. That's often the better way to learn. And if you don't find anyone really interesting or worthwhile, then be patient, make friends, learn about people and wait. Just look at me, I've only dated one girl by the time I was your age. If you want a serious relationship, then rather than dating older men, you should try to mature yourself first.

My old teacher doesn't really come into this so much, this is a different story, he's not in that sort of position But yeah, maybe that's it, I do want to find out what I want, I know I'm young but it just seemed 'okay' at the time.. looking back, maybe not Thanks x

Originally Posted by Dextro

Now I don't mean to come out as judgmental since I feel like I don't have the right to judge anyone and I don't know you well enough to even begun to try and do so but please listen to what everyone is saying when we tell you that you're not in a good spot and you should probably break contact with that guy. It's not fair to you nor to him to keep this up and can only end in tears.

Hmm.. you're right. & for me now it's either break contact or stay as friends, but even then I'll have to continue lying to him.. so.. But yeah it kinda isn't fair, and I can see it ending very soon even if I did keep it up.

Originally Posted by Kaijo

Why isn't it normal? People meet in a club and have casual sex quite often. Everyone has their own kinks and quirks, and we don't know the exact specifics of the conversation that went on between the two. In fact, sexting is on the rise with the younger crowd, so I'd say it's become a very normal thing.

For me, it is very normal, and that's true, our basic conversation though, was just getting to know abit of background and getting eachother's number, and maybe a little more.. but it definately is normal, atleast in my area anyway.

Originally Posted by Tsuyoshi

Reading through this again, I'm absolutely certain you understand what it means to be lied to. So put yourself in the other guy's shoes, try to understand his position. You felt pretty mad about your friend lying to you. How do you think he would feel if he found out you lied to him? If you continue, you will become a hypocrite. You don't want to be a hypocrite, do you? Don't think I'm trying to insult you here. I'm trying to help you understand that it's wrong to lie and I know you know that it's wrong, so you should be able to understand that your lies won't bring you any good, especially if you're seeking a serious and mature relationship with someone. You can't have that with something built on lies and you know it.

I do understand very well what it feels like, and I understand he has no right to be lied too, but I only did it in the interest of me, my friends, etc. I mean, I'm not trying to be a hypocrite but it's harder to tell the truth when I can risk getting into a lot of trouble. Getting into clubs using fake ID, isn't taken lightly, and I don't want to be facing a fine and such. It's simply easier to just break contact with him - than get all my friends and myself in trouble. & I know full well he doesn't deserve to be lied too.. it was just to protect myself


You know guys, thanks for all your replies, all my friends were telling me to stay with him, as the right choice.. but it's the lying and the chance of him finding out , thats concluded this decision the most. I mean, he can text me for now if he wants, but on Friday I am definately telling him my decision. - It stops me from having to continue lying to someone who I know doesn't deserve it, and it avoids a bad situation on my own behalf.

Thanks Everyone ~ x

[synaesthetic]

You silly forum rage-addicts and internet white knights, Miko Miko doesn't live in the US. The entire world is not the US, you know.

She's not jailbait in the country she lives in. The lie about the age was only to get into the club (due to drinking age). The reason she doesn't want people knowing is because she might want to go back to that club at some point.

[Bunbunbunni]

I need a little advice.

You see... i am dating this guy. He has a kid and is older then me. He lives in another state(not too far).

Now I kno your thinking that I'ma ask you wheather should i stay or should I go?
No.

He doesnt have a job yet, but he looks after his kid as best he can and doesnt live with the baby mama. So he isnt a bad dad.

We've been together nearly two months and we have already talked about moving in with each other, and potential marriage and future kids. None of what i have just listed was forced into coversation, or asked. But merely just slowly brought about.

He goes to school and does conctructive things when he isnt busy.

We talk EVERY night on the phone and we have webcammed so we have seen eachother.

Ive known him for two years perviously so he isnt a complete stranger.

What i want to ask is: Does he seem like the type to cheat?

I worry highly because: He has a very pretty ex.. very pretty. She doesnt like me at all. Both her and the Baby mama seem to plot things for our break up. So far it hasnt worked. But my boyfriend goes to visit her siblings and he called me ONCE when he was with them because he found out i was mad he never calls when he is over her house. BUT when he is over his baby mama's house he makes time to call or contact me. But when he is over his ex its like... "I love you... but I'm having fun.... soo I'll call you when i get home and settled down." He doesnt say it in those exact words but that seems to sound exactly like what he says in my head..

I never make a federal case of it and he ensures me ever time that i need not worry about any other female.
DO to do!!???

[RadiantBeam]

Originally Posted by Miko Miko

I do understand very well what it feels like, and I understand he has no right to be lied too, but I only did it in the interest of me, my friends, etc. I mean, I'm not trying to be a hypocrite but it's harder to tell the truth when I can risk getting into a lot of trouble. Getting into clubs using fake ID, isn't taken lightly, and I don't want to be facing a fine and such. It's simply easier to just break contact with him - than get all my friends and myself in trouble. & I know full well he doesn't deserve to be lied too.. it was just to protect myself

Eh, well, unfortunately I don't have much else to say on the matter since you've decided to break things off for him, but I will say this: when you get into a habit of lying, even to protect yourself and your friends, you can end up in an even worse position than you originally started out in. Just something to keep in mind, Miko.

Originally Posted by synaesthetic

You silly forum rage-addicts and internet white knights, Miko Miko doesn't live in the US. The entire world is not the US, you know.

She's not jailbait in the country she lives in. The lie about the age was only to get into the club (due to drinking age). The reason she doesn't want people knowing is because she might want to go back to that club at some point.

Silly Syn, last I checked the debate about her being jailbait was dropped a page ago in favor of debating whether or not it was right of her to lie to the guy about her age. Not to mention, apparently she was underage for the club she wanted to go back to, not underage in general.

[Mute]

Not if he has a kid..

[synaesthetic]

Originally Posted by RadiantBeam

Silly Syn, last I checked the debate about her being jailbait was dropped a page ago in favor of debating whether or not it was right of her to lie to the guy about her age. Not to mention, apparently she was underage for the club she wanted to go back to, not underage in general.

Giving her crap about sneaking into a club underaged? You bunch of killjoys.

Drinking laws are retarded anyway.

[Last Sinner]

Well...thanks for those that told me in various ways they appreciated that...including Miko. It may suck now, but in the long run you'll be better off for doing it.

I'm so glad I didn't have to go to work today...Time I woke up yesterday...7am. Time I woke up today....2.30pm. My head feels flocked as well. Oh well, such is life.

[zebra]

Originally Posted by synaesthetic

Giving her crap about sneaking into a club underaged? You bunch of killjoys.

Drinking laws are retarded anyway.

I already thought I'm the only one thinking that ....

I was in every nightclub in my city by the age of 15 and while I did a lot of stupid things for a long time - I also learned a lot from it. But I guess it's been laxer in my situation since beer always was allowed by 16. Too bad I didn't like it until two years ago At least I never needed a fake ID ... that would mean big TROUBLE if you get caught.

Lying is no good, I totally agree, but it's for everyone to decide themselves when they're ready to roam around the adult world. You just have to live with the responsibilities and consequences.
The age limits are there for a reason, yes, but I won't judge someone else if s/he thinks it's ok and their parents are fine with it also. Specially, when they're 16 already.

Maturity differs from person to person, right?

I just guess Miko has a different mentality and environment than most of the posters here. Btw, I wish you luck Miko and hope it ends well or at least ok with the guy :3
Just for the record: No guy ever exploded because I lied about my age and confessed later. Sometimes they lied themselves and were happy to tell the truth, too XD
I guess it would be a harsh lie if it were about jailbait, but it's nothing illegal in this case.

But I'll go with the flow and say it's good that you're telling him that it won't go anywhere, Miko. It's mean to lead someone on unnecessarily.


Your post was still pretty epic, Last Sinner! XD

----
@bunbun, you know that's hard to say. No one here knows if he's a cheater.
My advise would be to trust him for now. Jealousy can destroy the healthiest relationship. Remain a little skeptical, but don't be too jealous and push the issue too much. There is never a sure way to know if your trust was put into the right person.

[synaesthetic]

Originally Posted by Tsuyoshi

... and you should seriously consider dating guys your own age.

Most girls don't do this because there is a maturity gap. Guys are usually bigger idiots than girls at the same age. I'm sure I'll be tarred and feathered for saying this, but it's fucking true.

The gap closes as both sexes approach 30, but it is especially obvious in the teens. Miko Miko may not be interested in other sixteen year olds because they're largely, universally morons.

(Not saying sixteen year old girls aren't also morons, either. I was sixteen once and I was an enormous idiot.)

[Ricky Controversy]

Originally Posted by synaesthetic

Most girls don't do this because there is a maturity gap. Guys are usually bigger idiots than girls at the same age. I'm sure I'll be tarred and feathered for saying this, but it's fucking true.

TAR AND FETHURZ.

No, I partially agree with you, but I'd suggest that on average, it's just that boys and girls tend to mature along different lines. Girls tend to develop earlier in the areas of empathy and emotional intelligence. Guys tend to develop self-sufficiency and emotional self-control earlier. That has been my experience by and large, and girls who tend to date upward significantly are often doing one or multiple of the following.

1) Overestimating their own maturity.
2) Giving in to the 'forbidden fruit' aspect of stigmatized behavior.
3) Specifically looking for someone mature in the same ways they are, in which case, yes, that is more likely to be an older guy.

The same also applies to most situations where a younger guy is dating a significantly older girl. But, again, this is just what I have observed from the experiences of those around me and from my own experiences, and there are going to be exceptions all over the place.

[Last Sinner]

I could tell you so much more. Believe me - I know how much evil lies in the hearts of men. But this isn't the place for it. I simply didn't want to see what seems like a decent person be deceptive when they don't mean to be due to inexperience and still finding their way in life. I've seen too many people I know make mistakes that have taken them years to overcome. I've seen some make mistakes that were fatal. I didn't want to see someone that young mess up.

On age - because I'm 29 yet look more like 21, it makes adults take me much less seriously. A lot treat me like I'm still kid-like and it annoys me. Just everyday situations - it's just weird. Even if I dress adult-like, people still don't buy it. Hell, I was still being asked to prove I was 18 two years ago. Honestly, how many people that are 27 are asked to prove their freaking age...Christ, I knew 15 year olds that were able to get into clubs and casinos with ease because no one even thought to question their age.

[ChainLegacy]

I don't know, my brother and I seem a lot more mature than my sister. I often hear that kind of rhetoric from my mother, but I think it has more to do with individual people than what gender you are, personally.

[Kafriel]

Originally Posted by synaesthetic

Most girls don't do this because there is a maturity gap. Guys are usually bigger idiots than girls at the same age. I'm sure I'll be tarred and feathered for saying this, but it's fucking true.

The gap closes as both sexes approach 30, but it is especially obvious in the teens. Miko Miko may not be interested in other sixteen year olds because they're largely, universally morons.

(Not saying sixteen year old girls aren't also morons, either. I was sixteen once and I was an enormous idiot.)

-Fetches the T&F barrel from the basement- Cast her in!
Afaik when it comes to dating, it's not a matter of stupidity, but responsibility...and there's an equal amount of irresponsible people from both sides, like seriously moody girls that never keep a schedule and mind-boggled guys that wouldn't remember your name after a week.
On to the matter of age, I've met my share of mature girls even as early as 14, but then again I've been setting an example to my peers ever since I can remember. It is not really age that affects a relationship (unless you're going through the "old" phase and everyone seems too young to approach), as it is what comes with age: a job, your own house, different ways of passing your leisure time, different topics of discussion, different tastes.

[synaesthetic]

I date older women because I like having a girlfriend who has more money than I do.

[Kafriel]

^ Wait till you date older men, they got teh big bucks Btw is there some kinda weird old-man fetish that women are into? Young girl/old man is a lot more frequent than young guy/old woman...

[synaesthetic]

The fetish you speak of is "money." That's why you see so many old rich dudes with a sweet young thang.

I don't date men at all.

[Ricky Controversy]

Originally Posted by synaesthetic

I don't date men at all.

What a weird coincidence! Neither do I! =D

[RadiantBeam]

Originally Posted by Ricky Controversy

What a weird coincidence! Neither do I! =D

Neither do--wait...

[Tsuyoshi]

Well, Syn, I mostly agree with you that guys are pretty much mindless dolts when they're in their teens, but not all of them are, and that was actually why I also suggested (if you read what I wrote after I said the things you selectively quoted) that if there isn't anyone she found worthy or fancied, she should worry more about making friends, wait until she gets older (as I have considering I've only dated three girls in my life and is still a virgin), and mature herself before looking for a mature relationship with someone, which is what I'm guessing she's after. I'm also certain that it's not a clear cut case of guys being less mature than girls in all cases around Miko. Only she knows that. Also, when I suggested she date people her own age, it was nothing more than a suggestion. I don't mean specifically 16 year old guys, but guys who're closer to her age.

[Last Sinner]

We're not all bad. Otherwise humanity wouldn't keep procreating.