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Old 2012-03-13, 12:42   Link #141
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Join Date: Jan 2008
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Now with my latest update finally completed, it's also finally time for me to reply to some of the comments for both it (from Deikan) as well as the update before it.

Each of these have been put in spoiler space in order to save space.

Spoiler for Sol Falling, on Mami Lives Chapter 5:

Spoiler for Coldlight, on Mami Lives Chapter 5:

Spoiler for Dr. Casey, on loads of chapters. ;):

Spoiler for Deikan, on Chapter 12:

Last edited by Triple_R; 2012-03-13 at 18:48.
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Old 2012-03-13, 22:02   Link #142
Sol Falling
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Originally Posted by Triple_R View Post
Chapter 12
Great chapter, and glad to see you updating again. You've offered quite a number of fascinating developments with Sayaka this time, and the Emperor Jinnai/Homura and Sayaka alliance chain is turning out to be very dynamic and exciting.

First, to cover the both the canon storyline and the Canon Couples ending: on the thread in general, it continues to be engaging re-experience of the original story, with some pleasing deeper insight into Madoka's personal thoughts. I was also surprised to run across the Canon Couples ending here, which actually turned out to be one of the happiest or most satisfying I could imagine for this story--minus simply the death of Mami, of course. One thing which I found interesting was that the requirement for this ending required a mere +1 affection level with Sayaka, otherwise rewarding readers/players who would have stuck very closely to the original sequence of events in the story. I know if I had played this far into the game while remaining on the canon plotline, I would probably have qualified for this ending and been very happy that I did.

Onto the other threads of Sayaka-centric development. The developments following the results of 12B (Making Amends) are extremely fascinating, a definite setback/strain on Sayaka and Madoka's relationship after what Madoka did. Back in the immediate aftermath of 12B, I did feel Madoka had stepped over the line in making such a presumptuous declaration in place of Sayaka, so this was yet another well-executed logical but unexpected development. Sayaka has essentially told Madoka to butt out here regarding her Puella Magi life/decisions, but I wonder how well she'll be able to really handle the conflict with Kyouko on her lonesome. Beyond that, Madoka in this thread has shown herself to be overtly focused on Sayaka's safety as a first priority, so I wonder to what degree she'll really be able to respect the promise she's just made if/when she gets wind of more dangerous activities on the part of Sayaka in the future. Although at this point, such intervention would likely only make her relationship with Sayaka even worse, I wonder if Madoka will feel like she has a choice or would be able to help herself.

The Thankful Sayaka route is interesting because while it seems to be the closest we are currently getting to a Sayaka x Madoka route on the Mami dies side of the storyline, it's also the one in which Sayaka's reckless and impulsive nature seem to put her most at risk. While I certainly hope there will be some way for them to come out in this route safely, Sayaka's exuberance in this plotline presently almost reminds me of Mami in episode 3. This feeling this route currently gives me is sort of like plunging full speed ahead without any brakes, with Sayaka having entered full battle mode against Kyouko/other Puella Magi and Madoka's full support. Although I'm full of uncertainty about whether things will be able to turn out happily, it makes for a very interesting thread.

Finally, the Emperor Jinnai section was so exciting that it actually almost felt too short. I'm impressed with the extent of Jinnai's abilities such that even Homura's timestop abilities have to come into play. It seems like this route is much more action/battle oriented compared to the others, which have romance, but this bit of something different makes these Mami dies chapters also a very engaging read. Two thoughts which are sitting in my head regarding this plotline: 1) having already established an alliance, will Sayaka/Madoka/Homura be able to bring in Kyouko? and 2) with Homura's timeline reset as a last resort/ultimate weapon, what will she think about this timeline's events.

Actually, thinking about it now, compared to Homura's timelooping abilities Madoka's skills (when she's a normal magical girl) seem somewhat plain. Although her massive firepower capable of singlehandedly taking on Walpurgisnacht (lol, sorta making Madoka the "tank" of their current party) is certainly important, with Jinnai seemingly able to rival the sheer amount of Madoka's energy, Homura's more unique skills seem more key. Although I would be perfectly happy if this timeline focused a bit more on Homura, I also wonder if you have any plans for any (with potentially either minor or major impacts on the storyline) secondary abilities Madoka might have gained as a result of her wish.

Good work on the chapter! I'll be looking forward to the next.
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Old 2012-03-14, 04:22   Link #143
Kogetsu Shirogane
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And now for the aftermath of the first encounter with the "villainess" in red...

Spoiler for Canon Route:

... Following that, a scene involving a green-haired Emperor.

Spoiler for Alliance:

Anyway... another great update. Looking forward to the next.
Kyouko Sakura and Madoka Kaname, Puella Magi Madoka Magica
WARNING: Kogetsu Shirogane cannot be held accountable for any actions taken by someone else. Potential side effects of communicating with this user include headaches, mild confusion, insanity, delirium, and jumping into fires. Do not expose this user to sunlight or water or feed this user after midnight.
... so you think you're a king now...

Last edited by Kogetsu Shirogane; 2012-03-14 at 04:39.
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Old 2012-03-14, 04:30   Link #144
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Under the piercing blue sky
Great to see some updates and replies again.

Chapter 12: Canon Route Chain
Spoiler for Canon Meeting, OC7B:

Spoiler for Making Amends:

Spoiler for Thankful Sayaka:

Homura/Sayaka Alliance Chain
Spoiler for Alliance Chain:

Thank you for updating as soon as you were able to, Triple_R. I hope your issues have been resolved for you to be updating us now. That was a really nice read, and for the most part, I liked the surprise OC7B ending.


Originally Posted by Kimidori View Post
just done with Homura Sprite, what do you think? next is Sayaka
Big image
Sorry; dynamic content not loaded. Reload?
Good. As with Madoka, the colors are correct. Homura's hair color is a good choice, but might seem a bit too solid. Suggestions include a subtle shading/gradient (not sure what to call it) like with Madoka, to represent that lighting/"hair shine" you see on anime-style art.

Since you're not in charge of drawing the art but only with coloring, it may be beyond you to do something about the minor issue of their relatively thin necks. If it can't be done, then it can't be helped. Anyway, excited to see Sayaka next!
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Old 2012-03-15, 16:25   Link #145
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Mami Lives Chapter 6
Mami Romance Chain

“Have a good time at Shirahama Beach!”

That's what Sayaka shouted to Mami and I as the two of us began boarding the super-high speed bullet train heading for the resort town of Shirahama! It was now 4 PM on Friday afternoon.

If you chose B for Choice M3, read Section Sayonara from the Violinist. Otherwise, skip over it.

Spoiler for Sayonara from the Violinist:

With Sayaka seeing Mami and I off, and cheerfully waving goodbye to us, I started to feel an almost paradoxical mixture of relief and excitement. Relief that the long school week, and all of the preparations for this most special trip, were finally behind Mami and I. And excitement over the trip itself of course!

I could tell that Madoka was as excited about this beach trip as I was. While that was only what I had expected, I still found it a refreshing relief. This is since she appeared to not be worried at all over taking her first long trip out of Mitakihara Town that wasn't part of a family vacation, or as part of an official school outing. I hope this means that she completely trusts me, as I've come to have complete trust in her. If she does completely trust me, I'll have to make sure to honour and reward her trust as best as I'm able to.

It has been so long since I went on anything even remotely like a vacation. It has also been so long since a person has meant as much to me as what Madoka now does. She has brought so much health, hope, and happiness into my life. It's amazing to think of how much my life has changed since I first met her less than two weeks ago. These joyous thoughts soared through my head, while I gazed out the passenger window at the typically pleasant, and at times even majestic, scenery all about the train. It felt like my very spirit was being refilled from leaving the elegant but tight confines of Mitakihara City in order to reacquaint myself with nature. But what was particularly helpful to my overall well-being was now having my irreplaceable girlfriend Madoka in my life, as well as a wonderfully supportive and earnest Puella Magi understudy in Sayaka.

For over a year after the tragic passing of my parents, I had only two people that I felt I could turn to for friendship or help: Kazuki Kudo and Kyouko Sakura. “Phoenix Wright” is a very kindhearted man, but simply too busy to provide me with the sort of comfort or friendship that my heart yearns for. As for Kyouko... that friendship sadly ended in tears and anguish. I had recently met with Kyouko, in accordance with Akemi-san's plans for dealing with the soon arrival of Walpurgis Night. Unfortunately, Kyouko hasn't changed from what she was like when our friendship died in the fires of a battle over conflicting ideals. If anything, Kyouko seems more ruthless than ever, and also more intent than ever to be an island unto herself.

I wonder if I should introduce Madoka to Kyouko? Could Madoka's effortlessly sweet, caring, and optimistic nature manage to reawaken the more well-intentioned Kyouko that I had once been close friends with?

But this was just a fleeting thought for me, as Madoka spent much of our trip resting her head comfortably on my shoulder, contributing to my sense of bliss. I think she briefly fell asleep a couple times during the trip, but that's understandable given how long it was, and how she had so generously insisted on me having the window seat so I could be the one to enjoy the scenic view. There was not much to capture one's attention within the train itself.

But this would soon not be an issue, as the train arrived near the beach on the outskirts of Shirahama. It was now 6 PM.

Yay, we were finally here! I quickly grabbed my overnight luggage bag, while Mami also reached for her's. As we stepped off the train, my eyes went wide at the sight of the wondrous white sandy beach only a short distance away, on this bright sunny day! It was also very warm, the perfect weather for swimming.

Mami and I first walked to Kazuki Kudo's beach house. The beach house was almost pure white in its colour, and it had lots of large windows and openings throughout it, ideal for capturing the view of the shore that was only a short walk from it. Inside was a matching white sofa set, but with pillows of various colours resting on it. A black circular table was situated between the various sofas. There were also some spirally, polished wood carvings hanging from the ceiling. Finally, there were four bedrooms and two washrooms. It all made for a very nice beach-house! While I never doubted Mami, it was still good to know for certain that I'd have a nice place to sleep tonight.

But the main thing now, of course, was enjoying the beach! So I quickly opened up my luggage bag, and took out the pink polka-dot bikini that I bought while shopping with Mami during my first date with her. For her part, Mami took out the blue bikini that she had picked up on that date. We quickly changed into our bikinis, and grabbed some beach supplies. We then started racing to the beach, while joyously laughing!

After we made it to the beach, I was struck by how crowded it was! There must have been hundreds, if not thousands, of people set up all over the circular shoreline of the beach! But after being briefly wowed by the crowds here, Mami soon managed to focus me back on making our own beach setup.

We stretched out our beach towels next to one another. Mine was a solid pink six foot long beach towel, while Mami's six foot long beach towel had a much more fancy brown, gold, and white design on it. We then set an umbrella up over the beach towels to keep them well-shaded. We also brought with us a couple large beach-balls, and a cooler that came from Kudo-sama's beach house. It had a good variety of drinks inside of it for Mami and I to enjoy later. But first things first, we wanted to go swimming!

“Last one in has to buy the other one Dinner!” Mami exclaimed with a wink and a playful smile, as she started running for the water.

“Hey, no fair!” I shouted in reply, before quickly racing after her, “You had a head start!”

But my complaints would soon not matter much even to me, as I quickly waded into the water. Normally I'd take longer to get my body used to the relatively cold water, but I was just so excited right now that every bit of nervousness within me seemed to fade away into the heavenly horizon!

With two hands, Mami hurled some water into my eyes, and it mesmerized me a bit by how sparkling it was as it fell on my face. I splashed some water back at Mami, and the two of us started laughing a lot, and joking with each other. Our beach trip was off to a great start!

After having some fun in the sun, Mami and I went to grab a bite to eat. A nearby food vendor was serving jumbo hotdogs, and Mami suggested that we split one.

After taking the jumbo hotdog back to where we had a place setup on the beach, Mami surprised me by how she intended to split it. While we sat next to each other under the umbrella, Mami asked me to start eating the hotdog while she ate it from the other side. It ultimately resulted in a very spicy and quick kiss that left both of us giggling a bit.

Each of us also bought some fried noodles, and took out some Morning Rescue drinks from the cooler, to complete our Dinner.

After Dinner, Mami began to build a sandcastle over me by using a small green pail and shovel. I was impressed by how large and complex Mami's sandcastle had become.

“Wow, you've made that so big and impressive in such a short time!” I exclaimed to Mami.

“Only the best of castles would be acceptable for my beloved Princess.” Mami said while grinning, making me blush a deep red.

“Still, given how the tide seems to be about to come in, I'm afraid that this sandcastle might soon have a moat...” Mami continued with a teasing grin, while looking out at the lightly crashing waves just beyond where we were now situated.

“W-we wouldn't want me to be here when that happens, r-right?” I asked a bit nervously, while the thought of getting trapped under a watery sandcastle actually scared me a bit.

“Of course not.” Mami answered, as she continued to make a teasing smile.

So with a touch of regret, Mami started to destroy the castle she had just made, freeing me from it. With more than a hour now having passed since we last ate, and with the sun starting to set, we went for another short swim, this time while playing with the beach-balls we had.

A couple teenage guys flirted with Mami, and hit on her, while she and I played in the water. But Mami calmly apologized to them while explaining that she already had an important someone in her life. It was kind of silly of me, but seeing her turn down the advances of these very athletic and cool-looking guys made me smile with pride as I knew that I was the “important someone” in question.

After our second time swimming, Mami and I spent some time simply resting on our beach towels, and chatting with each other. It was now almost 10 PM, and it had been a very fun-filled day. But I think that Mami had some ideas in her mind on how best to cap it off.

While I didn't have that much energy left, I think I had just enough for what I wanted to do to put the perfect finishing touches on the first day and night of this weekend getaway with Madoka. Thankfully, almost all of the crowds that had gathered on the beach had gone home by now, giving Madoka and I a small measure of privacy.

So I took Madoka by the hand, and asked her if she'd join me for a romantic moonlit walk on the beach, along the shoreline. She answered “of course” to my question.

It was an enchantingly clear night, as the moon's reflection shimmered bright off of the gently rolling tides. The atmosphere was simply perfect for my walk with Madoka.

“Have you enjoyed our trip to the beach so far?” I asked her, this time in a very serious tone.

“Yes, it's been everything that I could have hoped for.” Madoka answered, in a low and romantic tone.

Everything?” I asked teasingly, while raising an eyebrow, “There's nothing more you'd like, Madoka?”

“W-well I'm open to anything you might have in mind, of course!” Madoka replied.

So earnest. So eager to please. Such an incredibly easygoing yet morally firm individual. I felt so very thankful to be Madoka's girlfriend in this moment. It was now my greatest hope that my relationship with her could continue forever, unchallenged and always like this very moment.

Yet I decided to allow Madoka's eagerness to please, to remain without a clear response for now. I wanted the moment of that response to be perfect. As such, I simply made casual chit-chat with her until we reached the ideal spot for my clear response. We were now walking in front of a small rock formation, that had been made very slick and flat through crashing waves of water. I then came to a sudden stop.

“Mami-san, what is it?” asked Madoka.

“It's something simple, Madoka.” I answered, as I turned about to face her, while I held both of her hands in mine, “I stopped walking since I want to kiss you.”

I then leaned forward and slightly downwards, in order to press my lips against hers. It was a passionate kiss, reflecting the deep yearning within my heart to be as close to Madoka as I could possibly be.

Mami's kiss had left me breathless, and a bit stunned. Mami was so smooth when it came to romance, and so she often took me by surprise. But in fairness, this had been a very pleasant and romantic walk on the beach, so I shouldn't have been as surprised by Mami's kiss as I was.

Mami then ran one hand through my hair, and gazed lovingly into my eyes.

“Madoka... I love you so much.” Mami said, “As you know, I'm usually not at a lost for words, but I now struggle to think of how best to convey to you with words how important you are to me, and what I want for the two of us.”

“It's Ok.” I replied, in the sweetest tone that I could manage, “I know how you feel about me, and I feel the same way about you...”

I wish I could say something that didn't seem so cliche or plain, but it really was the truth.

“Are you sure about that?” Mami asked me, in a serious tone, “I ask since I... since I...”

Mami once again surprised me, this time by her not being able to finish her sentence. So instead she took hold of my wrists, and thrust me up against the flat rock formation behind me. My back rested against it, while Mami pressed herself up against me. She started kissing me with such intense passion, as her hands roamed about my arms and my sides. It was so pulse-pounding! Part of me was afraid, but a much bigger part of me simply wanted more.

If you chose A for M Opportunity Choice 2, read Section No Objections, Back to Phoenix Wright's Beach House. Otherwise, skip over it.

If you chose B for M Opportunity Choice 2, read Section Reevaluating Previous Objections. Otherwise, skip over it.

If you never qualified for M Opportunity Choice 2, read Section Do You Object, Madoka? Otherwise, skip over it.

Spoiler for No Objections, Back to Phoenix Wright's Beach House:

Spoiler for Reevaluating Previous Objections:

Spoiler for Do You Object, Madoka?:

The following morning would finally arrive, after I slept for over eight hours straight! Mami had awoke before I did, and she put on the yellow pajamas she had brought with her. She had also prepared fried eggs and buttered toast for her and I to have for breakfast. After I slipped into a pair of green pajamas that I had brought with me, I joined Mami for breakfast. After breakfast, Mami asked me if I would like to take a shower with her.

“Is that really the best way to get clean?” I asked Mami with a teasing smile.

“Don't worry, I won't do anything that would undermine what showers are meant for.” Mami replied with a wink and a grin.

So I showered with Mami this morning, and I have to admit that it felt great! She carefully washed my hair, my back, and my legs for me. I then did the same for her. We embraced a couple times in the shower, and gave each other a couple quick kisses amidst some giggling, but nothing too extreme happened. Mami had lived up to her word!

After her and I showered, I changed into a blue pair of polka-dot bikinis that was the same style and type as my pink pair. Mami changed into a very lovely and elegant red striped bikini. She then helped tie up my hair for me after combing it.

Finally, around 10:30 AM, and after gathering up our beach supplies, we headed off to the beach!

Mami and I noticed that they were holding a special sporting event on the beach today, open to anybody who wanted to participate. That event was a female pairs beach volleyball tournament! Mami thought that it would be a great idea if the two of us entered it as a pair!

“I'm not that physically strong, you know.” I said to Mami's suggestion.

“Maybe not, but you're very quick and agile!” Mami said, “I'm sure that the two of us could do well in this beach volleyball tournament.”

Mami's enthusiasm was contagious to me, so I happily agreed to enter the tournament with her. It was set to begin after lunch and run until 4 PM.

Mami and I actually did really well in the first two rounds! We won the first match 15-8, and the second match 15-12. Mami was extremely good at this, and scored most of our points for us. But I was proud of being able to at least keep up with the pace of competition, and land a few points on our competitors in each of the first two rounds. We shared a lot of gleeful high-fives, and earned a lot of cheers from a mostly male crowd, as we progressed further through the tournament!

In the third round, though, we ran into two very tough competitors. Their names were Haruka Tenoh and Michiru Kaioh. Haruka was tall and athletic, with short blonde hair. Michiru was slightly shorter, and with green hair that looked a lot like Hitomi's. From the way they celebrated their points, I couldn't help but suspect that they were a lesbian couple like Mami and I are! I think that Mami is roughly as good at beach volleyball as Haruka is, while I was about as good as Michiru is. But Haruka and Michiru were more used to playing as a team than Mami and I were, and that led to them winning a very close and tight match 15-14.

After the match, Haruka and Michiru shook the hands of Mami and I, thanking us for a great and spirited competition.

With Mami and I both feeling tired from the beach volleyball competition, we decided to go take a rest on our beach towels, and under our umbrella. But not long after we began resting, I noticed something deeply disturbing, embedded within a beach ball bouncing along the waves near the shoreline!

“Mami, look.” I whispered to her, while pointing towards the beach ball in question.

“...A Grief Seed.” Mami said, as a look of horror spread across her face, “What is that doing here of all places? It's glowing too, so the witch's barrier is about to form! With so many people here, the danger posed by that is immen...”

“I see it too.” Michiru suddenly whispered to Mami, after noticing how she had taken note of it, “You must be a Puella Magi like I am if you're able to see it, and know what it is. I'll use my magic to frighten away the crowd and ensure their safety. But you will need to fight the witch!”

“R-right.” Mami replied to Michiru, stunned by her words.

I caught a glimpse of Michiru's dark blue Soul Gem, as she used it to create a mammoth wave!

The crowd reacted in total shock at the sight of a massive wave being formed! Cries of “Tsunami!” and “Earthquake!” were heard all about us. Mami held me firmly in her arms, while we stayed perfectly still under the umbrella. This was to avoid the onrushing crowds as they rushed away from the shoreline in frenzied panic.

Once Mami and I were the only two people left on the beach, Mami used her Soul Gem to transform into her Puella Magi outfit. She then leaped into the air, and held me close to her, while we stood atop a tall snake-like formation that Mami had formed out of yellowish strands.

“Will the witch's barrier form before that insanely large wave crashes down?” I asked Mami in fear.

“Hopefully.” Mami replied, “If so, it should render that wave meaningless, and ensure nobody is hurt by it.”

Thankfully, the witch's barrier did form before the wave crashed down. The sky suddenly turned starry black, and it was also filled with all sorts of cosmic beauty! Bluish, reddish, and orange spirals were now all about the sky. It was like the most gorgeous and captivating of outer space visual phenomena was now taking up the entire immediate sky!

But all of that was secondary to the ground-level horror. The waters had turned to blood, and Mami and I saw the witch surfing upon it! The witch appeared to be a completely naked teenage girl, but coated in brilliantly bright black marble from head to toe. She was about five foot three inches tall, with shoulder length “hair”, if you could call it that. Her eye sockets were empty, with a red glow emanating from them. She had a most malicious grin on her face. All about her were dozens of familiars in the form of large disembodied heads!

Each of these disembodied heads appeared to be human, and each was about the size of an adult man. Each of these heads was wearing utterly bizarre purplish helmets that stretched down over the eyes and to the bridge of the nose. An angled piece protruded out from each side of the purplish helmet for each of these familiars.

They all groaned “I HUNGER!” in loud, ominous English.

Wow!” I exclaimed at the sight of this highly unusual witch.

“Be very careful, Madoka.” Mami said, “I'll form a protective red magical barrier around you. Make sure to stay behind that while I deal with this witch!”

“Right!” I shouted in response.

Mami then leaped off of the snake-like platform that I was on, with a red but transparent protective barrier covering me like a large shield. Mami kinda flew in the air, while she summoned forth a vast array of muskets! She then shot them all off almost simultaneously!

These muskets proved powerful enough to destroy most of the disembodied head familiars, while the surfing witch was knocked off of her board by a series of explosions occurring all about her!

Mami then landed skillfully on her feet, after descending from out of the air. But she wasn't given much of a chance to catch her breath, as the eyes of the remaining disembodied heads started shooting some wide blasts of thunderous reddish energy at her! Mami managed to bob and weave and race away from these various blasts, but she was soon cornered by the witch!

Draob ym, em ot!” the witch cried out, while now standing on the beach next to Mami, and dramatically throwing one arm diagonally downwards.

Mami was then struck hard in the back, by a black marble surfboard rapidly descending out of the air!

Mami-san!!” I cried out in horror.

“D-don't worry...” she said, while struggling back to her feet, “That isn't enough to defeat me!”

Mami-san then began to skip and twirl about with such superb grace and style, shooting muskets off at a breathtaking pace! This was enough to destroy the remaining familiars!

However, I noticed that the musket blasts that had been striking against the witch itself was having no effect on it. But the witch was about to have a major effect on Mami!

The witch's two arms were thrust forward, with open palms. Out of those palms came forth blasts of seemingly cosmic power! One such blast struck Mami!

Aaaaaggggghhh!!!” Mami cried, as the blast singed her clothes and hair.

That blast had also sent her flying ten meters backwards, with her landing on her backside.

“Mami, are you Ok?!” I cried out in question.

“...I won't lose!” Mami exclaimed, as she gingerly but relentlessly rose to her feet, and then yelled directly at the witch, “I won't let you hurt Madoka!”

Mami then leaped high into the air! She then summoned forth her gigantic glistening gun!

TIRO FINALE!!!!” she exclaimed, louder than I've ever heard her yell before!

The blast rocketed across the landscape, striking the witch exactly on target! Please... oh please may this be it! Mami then landed on her feet, breathing heavily, while she waited to see what effect her ultimate move had made. Eventually, the billowing smoke and storm of sand left in the wake of her Tiro Finale had dispersed.

What Mami and I then saw left us both petrified.

The surfing witch was grinning maliciously, and had been left entirely unscathed!

“How...” Mami began to state in utter terror, while her eyes went wide and her face displayed total shock, “How am I supposed to defeat that monster?!”

“Madoka!” I suddenly heard the enthusiastic voice of Kyubey!

Seemingly out of nowhere, he was now situated right behind me.

“You must contract with me now, Madoka!” he exclaimed, “It is the only hope that you or Mami have against that particular witch!”

“I...” I began, while trembling and sweating bullets, “I wish...”

“That will not be necessary.” I heard the voice of Akemi Homura!

Homura then seemed to teleport from one spot on the beach to the next to the next, moving passed a stunned Mami before finally appearing directly behind the witch.

Homura then forced open the witch's mouth with her hands, and dropped some small bombs into its mouth.

Homura then seemed to teleport away from the witch, and took hold of Mami's hands.

“Get down and cover your ears!” Homura shouted at Mami.

Homura and Mami then fell to the ground and both covered their ears. I also covered my ears just to be safe.

Then an almost deafening explosion was heard, as the witch loudly screeched and was destroyed within a mushroom cloud of flame and soot! I breathed such a deep sigh of relief over witnessing this witch finally be defeated. <YouTube music ends here>

With the witch defeated, Homura and Mami stood back up. Mami had a look of shame on her, reminiscent of how she had looked the last time Homura had saved her from a witch. Homura steadily walked over to where the witch had last been, while the witch's barrier began to dissipate. The beach was thankfully still empty of anybody except Mami, Homura, Kyubey, and myself. A Grief Seed appeared in the air, and slowly lowered itself to the ground.

Homura picked up the Grief Seed.

“Here” Homura said, while throwing the Grief Seed at Mami, “Given how much magical power you used up in that fight, you probably need this more than I do.”

Mami caught the Grief Seed, but she didn't look very pleased by Homura's gesture. Mami then lowered me back down to the ground, and collected her magical summons back into her Soul Gem.

“...I thank you for once again saving me, and especially for once more saving Madoka.” Mami said towards Homura, in a tone of supreme shame, “But I don't deserve your generosity.”

“That's beside the point.” Homura replied, as she walked back towards where Mami was standing, “I want you to be in good condition for when Walpurgis Night arrives.”

“Is that why you apparently followed me all the way out to this beach?” Mami asked in turn, “Just to ensure that?”

“No.” Homura curtly answered, “I came out here to ensure that Madoka remains safe. It's crystal clear that I'm the only one capable of protecting Madoka from witches.”

“...What's that supposed to mean?!” Mami asked, with a look of fiery anger over Homura's implied insult.

“The meaning should be quite clear to you.” Homura answered, “This is twice now, and in less than two weeks, that you have completely failed to protect Madoka from a witch. If Madoka was my girlfriend, I can assure you that I would be doing a much better job of protecting her than you...” SLAP

Much to my open mouth shock, Mami had just slapped Homura across the face with one hand!

“I have had enough of your verbal abuse!” Mami shouted, while tears streamed out of her eyes, “I am grateful for how you have saved the lives of Madoka and myself twice, but that doesn't mean that I'm going to stand for being continually disrespected by you! I am an experienced Puella Magi who has defeated countless witches. Two near-defeats does not take that all away!”

One defeat is all that needs to happen for a Puella Magi or a human to be killed.” Homura replied, while her and Mami made intense eye contact with one another.

Homura and Mami then continued to glare menacingly at one another. I felt a desperate need to help them make amends with one another. At the same time, though, my heart went out to Mami here. I wanted to support her unconditionally, and to let Homura know that her insults were not appreciated.

But what should take precedence for me? Playing peacemaker in general, or supporting my most beloved Mami-san?

Choice M4:

A) “I also will not stand for you insulting Mami like that. I thank you for saving me, Homura, but I stand by Mami... now and forever!

B) “Please don't fight like that! It's important for you both to get along.”

Spoiler for Response M4A:

Spoiler for Response M4B:

The crowds gathered at the beach this Saturday would be saved from the surfing witch, thanks to the collective efforts of Michiru, Mami, and Homura. But as for myself, I had a lot of other things to think about during the return trip home. For obvious reasons, Mami and Homura both dominated my thoughts. I spent a lot of time thinking over how best I could help smooth over the divisions between them. I also wanted to ensure that I was both friendly to Homura, and supportive to Mami.

The days to come would certainly prove to be pivotal ones in my relationships with both Mami and Homura.

__________________________________________________ _

Sayaka Romance Chain

[Cont'd in next post]

Last edited by Triple_R; 2012-03-16 at 18:14.
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Old 2012-03-15, 16:26   Link #146
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Mami Lives Chapter 6
Sayaka Romance Chain

I must admit, Kyubey's timing was impeccable. I don't know why he was now in Sayaka's bedroom, or even how he had come to be there, but his presence there at this precise moment begged a much more important question.

'Good day, Madoka!' he conveyed cheerfully to me, through telepathy.

'Good day.' I replied a bit uneasily.

'I trust you just saw how Sayaka Miki reacted to the news of Kyousuke Kamijo's release from the hospital.' Kyubey then conveyed, 'Her heart certainly still seems to be divided. Will you make a wish to end that division?'

MFS Choice 2:

A) “Yes, I will. I wish for Kyousuke Kamijo's hand to be completely healed, restored to how it was before it was badly injured!”

B) “No. I think that Sayaka and Homura would both prefer it if I didn't become a magical girl, so I will not be contracting with you. Sorry.”

If you chose A for MFS Choice 2, read Section MFS2A and disregard the rest of the chapter. Otherwise, skip over Section MFS2A.

Spoiler for Section MFS2A:

'Very well, Madoka.' Kyubey replied telepathically, while closing his eyes, 'I only hope that you don't end up regretting your decision.'

He then somehow faded into the shadows in Sayaka's room, and disappeared from sight. A couple minutes later, Sayaka made it back to her room.

“Sorry about that, Madoka!” I heard Sayaka say, with a slightly nervous look on her face.

“It's Ok.” I replied with a slight smile, “I don't mind.”

“Thanks for being so patient.” Sayaka said with a gregarious look on her face, and her hands on her hips, “Now let me finish up combing your hair!”

Sayaka then finished combing my hair. She then took a few camera pictures of me in the outfit she had bought for me. One such picture was of her sitting next to me on her bed, while she wrapped one arm around me and leaned her head against mine. She gave me a copy of that picture to keep.

I then tied my hair back up in my red hair ribbons, and changed back into my student uniform. I placed the outfit Sayaka bought me into an empty shopping bag. Once I was ready to leave, Sayaka made such a bright smile to me, saying that she looked forward to seeing me at school tomorrow.

I then left to go home for the day. As I walked home, I looked at the picture that Sayaka had given me. She looked pretty happy in it, so maybe my decision to not wish for Kamijo's hand to be healed wouldn't be as problematic as Kyubey had argued it would be.

My mama was not home when I arrived home, so I just briefly said hello to papa and headed to my bedroom. I decided to hide my new outfit away, at least for now. I'd explain it to my parents later. I then slept very soundly, feeling much relief over putting Kyubey's repeated attempts to persuade me to become a magical girl behind me. Even so, I planned to do something tomorrow to show at least some small measure of thanks to Sayaka for buying me such a beautiful and expensive outfit!

The next morning at school, Kamijo made his return. His return was definitely the talk of the class this morning, as many classmates went out of their way to welcome him back and ask him how he was doing. Well, it was mainly the male classmates that did this. Kamijo was now sitting in his seat, while Sayaka, Hitomi, and I were all situated on the opposite side of the classroom. I could tell that both Sayaka and Hitomi were paying close attention to Kamijo.

“You can go over and talk to him if you'd like.” I whispered to Sayaka, while leaning in close to her.

“No, it's fine.” Sayaka whispered back to me while smiling towards me, “He's getting plenty of attention as it is. I wouldn't want to overwhelm him.”

“What are you both whispering about?” Hitomi asked out loud.

“O-Oh, it's nothing!” Sayaka responded sheepishly, before chuckling and scratching her head with one hand.

But after a brief pause, Hitomi addressed Sayaka again.

“There's something I'd like to talk to you in private about over lunch, Sayaka.” Hitomi said, in a very serious tone.

Hitomi's request here startled Sayaka, and was disheartening to me. It effectively ruined one of the plans I had for today. But I didn't want to get in the way of whatever Hitomi wanted to talk to Sayaka about, so I chose to let it go. Still, I asked Sayaka if I could go over to her place after school, since I wanted her to at least know about what I had initially planned and prepared for today. Sayaka eagerly agreed to my request, thankfully.

So what is this about?” I asked Hitomi, while we sat across from each other, during lunch-time in the school cafeteria.

“It's about love.” Hitomi answered, while having a very stern and serious look to her, “I've been keeping a secret from you and Madoka.”

After a short pause, Hitomi continued.

“For a long time, I've been in love with Kyousuke Kamijo.” Hitomi continued.

I gasped in surprise over this. Wow... if not for my current relationship with Madoka, this would have hit me like a ton of bricks! As is, though, this might actually be convenient in a way.

“Really?” I asked Hitomi, just to make sure she wasn't pulling my leg.

The firm and stark look on Hitomi's face made it clear to me that she was entirely serious here.

“I didn't expect that from you.” I continued, speaking very calmly, “Still, I don't mind.”

“Huh?” Hitomi asked, stunned over how I wasn't taking this very hard at all.

“The truth is that Madoka and I have been keeping a secret from you as well.” I replied to her, “And since you showed the courage to reveal your secret to me, it's only fair that I reveal my secret to you.”

“What secret are you referring to?” Hitomi asked, “Have you already confessed to Kyousuke?!”

“No, no, it's nothing like that!” I exclaimed, while waving my hand dismissively, “But it is something that I want you to promise me to keep secret from the rest of the class, at least for now. Do you mind?”

“No, I don't mind.” Hitomi said, after a short pause, “What's your secret?”

“Madoka and I are...” I began in answer, “Well, I think you might have already suspected this. Madoka and I are girlfriends, Hitomi. We're in that kind of relationship.”

Hitomi's eyes went wide over my words.

“Really?” she asked me, “Are you telling me the truth here?”

“Yes.” I answered, in the firmest and most serious tone of voice that I could manage, “You might think of that sort of relationship as 'Forbidden Love', but even so, it's a sincere love that Madoka and I feel for one another. I hope that it's something you can live with, while still being friends with Madoka and I.”

Now it ironically seemed like Hitomi had been hit with a proverbial ton of bricks.

“Anyway.” I continued, as I think she was stunned speechless, “Because of my relationship with Madoka, I don't mind at all if you confess your love to Kyousuke. In fact, I hope it works out for the two of you. If it does work out for the two of you, it would put Madoka's heart much more at ease.”

“...You are telling me the truth here, aren't you?” Hitomi asked me, finally managing to absorb with I was telling her.

“Yes, Hitomi, I am.” I answered her, “If you find it hard to believe me, you can ask Madoka about it. We both know that she values honesty very highly. She's not likely to lie to you.”

“I...” Hitomi began in uneasy reply, before she suddenly arose out of her chair.

“I... have a lot to think about now.” she finally said, “Well, I guess the good news is that my intention to confess my love to Kyousuke won't be an issue for you. As for you and Madoka...”

“...Yes?” I asked, as there was a tense pause in the air after Hitomi had trailed off in her words.

“I wish you and Madoka all the best.” Hitomi said, “I'm sorry for anything I said that might have inadvertently hurt your feelings or hers in the past. You're both precious friends to me, so you can trust me to maintain your secret. I'll see you later on.”

Hitomi then raced off, as I could tell my revelation to her had left her feeling a bit conflicted, and with a lot to think about. As for her revelation to me, that also left quite an impact. I now felt great relief that I had confessed romantic feelings to Madoka when I did!

But I now had a lot to talk about with Madoka at my place after school. I hope she wouldn't mind me choosing to tell Hitomi about the true nature of our current relationship.


Now, a few things to cover:

1. Mami = Orange (Yellow doesn't work), Sayaka = Blue, Homura = Purple, and Madoka = Pink/Magenta. It's very important to keep this in mind when reading this update, as narration voice switches back and forth a lot in this update, as per reader feedback (thanks, Deikan! )

2. Due to the length of these two sections, and overall formatting reasons, "Madoka Stands Alone" is on hiatus this update, but will be back for Mami Lives Chapter 7. Sorry for any disappointment over this. Even as is, I needed two posts to complete this update!

3. I intend to get back to the excellent replies that Sol Falling, Kogetsu Shirogane, and Coldlight made for Chapter 12. That should be made soon.

4. I've done a write-up on the OC Surfing-Witch of the Mami Romance Section. If anybody is interested in reading that write-up, please PM me about it. I will say though that it's kind of a "can't unsee" write-up, lol. It reveals some things that people might prefer to leave to speculation.

Anyway, I hope that Deikan is happy with the "Beach Episode"! I hope that Sol is pleased with the more controversial aspects of it.

Responses from all readers is greatly welcomed and appreciated as always.

Last edited by Triple_R; 2012-03-18 at 07:55.
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Old 2012-03-16, 16:27   Link #147
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OH MY GOD!! I'm truly impressed by the lasted Madoka x Mami and Madoka x Sayaka update. It was definitely refreshing to see different perspectives from each of the heroines, and the way you've written how they interacted and sounded was truly convincing. Bravo you never cease to amaze me with the scenarios you write. "Standing ovation & applause".

Like always before I give you my final grade, I'm going to give you some honest thoughts about the current chapters/scenarios you've written. Well, here we go.


Part One:

Current Mami x Madoka Route Scenario:

Phase One: The Overnight Trip

When Kamijou called Mami Dai-sensei I thought; Kore wa Zombie, Desu ka? Anyone Pretty clever!!

Back to the topic:

The romance between the two still growing stronger and the chance to see Mami and Madoka give their thoughts really made the read more enjoyable. During the read about the date Madoka was her shy and nervous self while Mami was calm and collected, as always. It's only natural because it's within their character so don't change was works. It's also refreshing for Madoka to show her cuteness when she was a little jealous when boys came to flirt with Mami, and for her to come out of her nervousness at times and truly enjoy herself and Mami did her part of doing that.

The hot dog kiss reminded me of the one Disney movie with the two dogs and the get the idea. Was that kiss based off that or non intentional? I thought it was creative and cute.

Spoiler for First Day:

During the first part of the read I was reminded of this one song. I think it totally fits with the scenario. I'll put this the song link there if you're interested, it truly fits to the situation of this scenario...the first part. If you do listen I hope you enjoy it.

Phase Two: The Last Day

The last day of the beach trip was quite interesting with the volleyball couple tournament, and the introduction to two interesting characters, and a possible threat to Madoka's and Mami's relationship with each other.

Spoiler for Last Day:

Scenario Rank:

Spoiler for Pros:

Spoiler for Cons:

Excellent job as always, I'll give you my Sayaka review after I give my fingers some rest and after I comeback from a Korean BBQ invitation someone invited me too. I can't wait for the next update, Keep them coming!!

Last edited by Kirito; 2012-03-17 at 03:32.
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Old 2012-03-16, 22:42   Link #148
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And now, time for some replies! As usual, I'll be using the Spoiler Space approach.

Spoiler for Sol Falling, on Chapter 12:

Spoiler for Kogetsu Shirogane, on Chapter 12:

Spoiler for Coldlight, on Chapter 12:

Spoiler for Deikan, on Mami Lives Chapter 6, Mami Romance Section:

Last edited by Triple_R; 2012-03-17 at 14:33.
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Old 2012-03-17, 13:34   Link #149
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Sorry about the lateness of this reply. There's been a lot going on for me lately, so I haven't really had all that much time for internet stuff. I know that's not a very good excuse, but it's all I really have.

Enough delays... we're off to the beach!
Spoiler for Delicious M&M:
... And let's not forget the section I'm actually in.

Spoiler for Scrumptious Skittles:

Anyway, the next update seems like it'll be interesting. Can't wait to see it. I also really enjoyed this one. Nice job.
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Old 2012-03-18, 02:56   Link #150
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Finally back up to speed. I've been falling behind a lot lately, my apologies for that.

Mami Lives, Mami Route:
Spoiler for Mami Route feedback:

Mami Lives, Sayaka Route:
Spoiler for Sayaka Route feedback:

Seems I have to leave for a short while. I'll get back to you later with a few more things, including the usual proofreading report in a PM.
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Old 2012-03-18, 02:56   Link #151
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Apologies for the delay on my end this time around as well. Although the end of the week period always seems to be my most busy period during this school semester/anime season, I will continue trying to post my feedback two-to-three days after your updates at the very latest. In any case, you've once again presented us with a very compelling chapter/update.

The more frequent perspective changes you used in these sections was an interesting experiment. I thought they worked quite well interspersed into the written narrative, but I admit I did wonder a bit how they would be done from a VN perspective. They are a bit different from the earlier perspective switches you used for scenes where Madoka was not present, but in the end I suppose the implementation could be very similar.

The start of the beach trip was quite relaxing and natural. Only one thing jumped out at me, which was that they only arrived at the beach at 6 pm, but I suppose it's the fact that we're only coming out of winter now that's influencing me (lol). During the summer, even arriving at 6 pm Mami and Madoka would probably be able to enjoy a reasonable amount of sunlight.

(Regarding Mami and Madoka's lovemaking scene, I wonder if I can assume that it has once again been written and will be a private offering? On that note, I admit that I am also intrigued by the original "surfing" witch's backstory that you mentioned too.)

References/homages to Michiru and Haruka of Sailor Moon will always be welcomed . Actually, I was too young myself to have comprehensively caught too much of Sailor Moon during its original airings, but ever since I got into yuri, even with my lack of knowledge regarding the franchise, the reverence with which I've seen the community treat Michiru x Haruka has also made me a genuine fan of them (or maybe I should just say, I've run across some true gems of doujinshi). As such, I actually would have been interested in even more interaction of Michiru or Haruka together with Mami and Homura after the witch battle.

Moving on to the events with Mami and Homura themselves, haha, damn I really have to give it to you for producing yet another tough and fascinating scenario. On the one hand, given their romance and Mami's insecurities, standing by her and offering unwavering support her seems like the "right" thing to do. However, picking choice A seems to unnecessarily shut out Homura and, by isolating Mami, also forces her (Mami) into ever more dangerous positions as a Mahou Shoujo. On the other hand, my natural inclination is always to keep the door open and try to get closer to Homura. However, despite choice B being almost too successful at that in seemingly opening up a very questionable romance route with Homura, the tensions it raises in Madoka's relationship with Mami just scream out "bad" or "dangerous" (lol, in my fantasy land choice B would lead to yet another harem ending; however, the tone of the section makes it feel like a "Nice Boat"/Ito Makoto end might be even more likely :P).

Well, for the record, I probably would have gone with choice B anyway lol.

On the MFS chain, first the MFS2A ending. Bittersweet Melancholy is very apt, to think that it could end with the death of Sayaka. Overall this ending represents a strikingly sensible path of decisions by all girls involved, with the aftermath of Madoka's decision to contract not leading to despair/chaos--but, due to Madoka's feelings of true goodwill reaching Sayaka, leading to Sayaka reversing the sacrifice both on account of her natural feelings (to be a protector), and her inclination to heed Homura's advice/warning. The fact that all parties involved managed to understand each other and care about each other's happiness is what makes it all the more saddening that this path could have lead to Sayaka's passing. Although in the end Madoka achieved some semblance of happiness together with Mami, this was still a very sad and thought-provoking ending.

By contrast, although my original choice would have naturally been to pick B and not have Madoka contract, the fact that the "Bittersweet Melancholy" end played out so peacefully/reasonably made me even question myself about whether path B will run along so smoothly. The confrontation/confession scene with Hitomi was indeed very refreshing/interesting, what with Sayaka and Hitomi's switched positions. However, seeing all the shock and uneasiness in Hitomi's demeanour, somehow I am not completely confident that Hitomi has taken all of this in in stride and that this is the end of these issues. Although no immediate conflict stands at the forefront of this path right now, for this section too I am eagerly anticipating future developments.

Good work this time. Although this chapter was longer than usual as you stated, while reading I became engaged and hardly noticed it. Interesting developments were to be had in all parts of the story. Thanks for the update, and as always I'll be looking forward to the next one .

Last edited by Sol Falling; 2012-03-18 at 03:09.
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Old 2012-03-21, 15:34   Link #152
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Chapter 13
Canon Route Chain

“Oh! Kamijo left the hospital yesterday.”

That's what the nurse said to me after I opened up the door to his hospital room around 7:30 PM on Sunday, and had been surprised to not see Kyousuke there.

“His rehabilitation went pretty well, so we pushed his schedule ahead.” the nurse continued in explanation to me.

“R-Really...” I answered.

I was very glad that Kyousuke was doing well, but at the same time I was a bit upset that neither him or anybody from his family had taken the time to tell me that he had been released from the hospital. But I was only a bit upset, as I guess that Kyousuke probably had to leave the hospital unexpectedly quickly, causing him to forget to call me amidst taking the time to pick up some of his belongings and head home.

And so it was now to Kyousuke's home that I headed. I wanted to visit him this evening, to see how he was doing. I also was considering confessing my feelings to him soon. But before I felt comfortable acting on that, I had to know that Kyousuke was feeling well again. I didn't want to place any burdens on his heart if he wasn't!

I arrived at his home just after the sun had set, and with night beginning to set in. I was about to push the doorbell when I suddenly heard violin music. It was Kyousuke! It was him playing the violin.

The sound of it was so beautiful... so enchanting... that I just wanted to stand there and bask in the uplifting music uninterrupted before I made my presence known.

Unfortunately, it would not be long before it was interrupted for me.

If you chose C for Choice 12, read Section A Startling Meeting and disregard the rest of the chapter.

If you chose B for Choice 12, read Section Kyouko gives Sayaka another chance.

If you chose A for Choice 12, skip over both of these sections.

Spoiler for A Startling Meeting:

I felt the presence of somebody behind me. As I turned around, I was alarmed by who it was! It was the redheaded Puella Magi that I had a confrontation with a couple days ago! Except she was now in normal clothes, a green top and blue jean shorts. She had a proud smirk on her face, as she bit into a crispy snack.

Spoiler for Kyouko gives Sayaka another chance:

“Are you just gonna go home?” she asked me, “But you've been chasing him all day.”

“You...” I replied, as hearing her delve into my personal life angered me.

“This is the kid, right?” she continued in question, “The reason you made a contract with Kyubey. You seriously wasted your one miracle on this crap?”

“You'll never understand!” I shouted at her for daring to question my wish!

“You're the one who doesn't understand!” she shouted back at me, “The point of magic is making your wishes come true. Nothing good happens if you use it for someone else! Didn't Mami Tomoe even tell you that?”

I gritted my teeth at this awful girl's words, as she dishonors Mami's very name by talking about her like this.

“There's an easier way to own your man, anyway.” she said to me, after a tense pause, “Just use that magic you worked so hard for.”

“What?” I asked uneasily, as I didn't like where this was leading.

“Just go in there and break his arms and legs so he'll never be able to use them again.” she answered.

My eyes want wide in complete shock over this girl's horrifically evil words!

“Make him totally helpless without you.” she continued, “Then he'll be totally yours... body and soul.”

I started trembling in the fiercest anger I've ever felt. This girl...!

“I'll do it for you if you don't have the guts.” she continued, “As a favour from one Puella Magi to another. It's easy.”

“I... I can't stand you anymore.” I replied to her, as I could barely contain my anger and extreme displeasure with this wicked Puella Magi, “This time, I'll...”

“Let's go somewhere else, then.” she stated to me, “Someone will see us here.”

I was sitting at my computer desk, thinking a lot over the advice my mama had given me. I was writing out an old poem to try to relax my mind. I find that my thoughts are often the most clear and helpful when I'm in the midst of artistic pursuits. But even with me doing so, my mama's words hung uneasily in my mind. They were clear enough, but how do I apply them practically? But this question would soon be dashed from my mind by the appearance of Kyubey!

'Madoka.' I heard him call out to me telepathically, 'Madoka!'

I then turned my head about to the side to look towards my bedroom window. Kyubey was now perched just outside of it.

'Hurry! Sayaka's in danger!' he stated to me, 'Follow me.'

If you chose B for Choice 12, read Section Unsure Madoka. Otherwise, skip over it.

Spoiler for Unsure Madoka:

So I decided to follow Kyubey.

I was pumped for a great fight! I gotta say that I love the thrill of using my Puella Magi powers in combat. And using them only against witches can get boring after awhile. This naive blue-haired kid has no real chance of winning against me, but I'm confident that she'll put up an interesting struggle at least.

It's a shame that I'm gonna have to take her out, because she is kinda hot, especially when I manage to get her all upset and flustered. Ah well, she seems to be more into guys anyway.

So here on this bridge above some of the busiest roads in town, I'm gonna put on one helluva show! I just hope that Akemi Homura doesn't get in the way. I know she wanted to handle this discreetly, but where's the fun in that?!

“No holding back up here.” I said to the blue-haired kid.

“Let's put on a good show!” I shouted, as I threw my hand forward, and caused transformation magic to pop outta my ring!

I then transformed into my Puella Magi outfit that was inspired by the old Pirates of the Caribbean classics, and stylish medieval fashions in general! Johnny Depp was one cool actor! Too bad he was before my time.

But as I carefully landed on my feet, all I could think of now was the upcoming fight, especially as my opponent was holding out her Soul Gem, about to transform! Bring it on, girl! Let's see what you're made of!

No! It looked like Sayaka was about to get into another dangerous fight. Kyubey was right to bring me to this bridge, as Sayaka was in danger!

If you chose B for Choice 12, read Section Madoka Makes a Hard Choice. Otherwise, skip over it.

Spoiler for Madoka Makes a Hard Choice:

“Sayaka, wait!” I shouted out to her, as I raced towards her.

Upon hearing my voice, Sayaka thankfully halted her transformation into a Puella Magi.

“Madoka?!” Sayaka exclaimed in question, “Get out of here! This doesn't concern you!”

“You can't do this!” I shouted at Sayaka, “This just isn't right!”

If you chose B for Choice 12, read Section Kyouko is Impressed. Otherwise, read Section Kyouko Insults Madoka.

Spoiler for Kyouko is Impressed:

Spoiler for Kyouko Insults Madoka:

“Are you saying something about me?” asked Akemi Homura, suddenly appearing beside Kyouko from seemingly out of nowhere!

Kyouko looked as startled by Homura's sudden appearance as Sayaka and I were. Kyouko turned her head about to look at Homura.

“We discussed this.” Homura continued, “You're not supposed to do anything.”

“Your plan's too slow!” Kyouko exclaimed in irritation towards Homura, “Besides, we're all ready to fight!”

“Then I'll fight her.” Homura said, while casually walking pass Kyouko and staring at Sayaka, “Stay put this time.”

“Fine.” Kyouko replied, a bit dejectedly, “You've got until I'm done eating.”

“That's enough.” Homura said to that.

“Are you making fun of me?!” Sayaka asked Homura angrily, while holding out her bluish Soul Gem.

It then occurred to me! What I must do. What would be the right thing... or rather, the wrong thing... to do given mama's advice to me!

“Sayaka, sorry!” I shouted at her, while I raced by her, and grabbed her bluish Soul Gem from out of her outstretched palm.

I then raced to the edge of the bridge, and threw Sayaka's Soul Gem over it! There! Without this Soul Gem, Sayaka won't be able to fight and she'll have no other choice but to make peace with Homura and Kyouko. But then...

Oh no! Sayaka's Soul Gem had landed unto the back of a gigantic 18-wheeler, and it was now being carried away by it.

Homura surprised me by gasping in horror over it.

No! I can't let Sayaka Miki die by Madoka's hands. Madoka will be consumed by guilt if I don't get that Soul Gem back!

Homura then seemed to teleport away while Sayaka gasped in shocked over my actions.

“Madoka!” Sayaka shouted at me, while running over to where I was now, “What have you done?!”

“I had to!” I shouted in reply, trying to explain my actions to Sayaka.

But then... it was like... it was like Sayaka was a life-sized puppet that just had its strings cut. She fell diagonally downwards, with me thankfully being able to catch her with my arms.

“Sayaka-chan?” I asked, very surprised by this.

Kyubey then leaped up on top of the side of the bridge.

“This is bad, Madoka!” he exclaimed to me, “You just threw your friend away! Do something!”

“What?” I asked, completely perplexed by Kyubey's words, as I heard Kyouko running towards me from behind me, “What do you mean?”

Kyouko then grabbed Sayaka by the side of the neck, and lifted her up, out of my arms.

“Stop!” I shouted at Kyouko, as I was really afraid that she was going to hurt Sayaka while Sayaka was in this terribly vulnerable state.

But I was relieved that Kyouko didn't do anything to harm Sayaka. Instead, I think that she was feeling for Sayaka's pulse!

“What the hell is this?” Kyouko asked breathlessly, as I saw nervous beads of sweat appear upon her face, “She's dead!”

I gasped in shock and horror over these words!

Kyouko then laid Sayaka unto the ground. I started trying hard to revive Sayaka!

“Sayaka-chan?” I asked, while I started to shake her body, “Please, Sayaka! Wake up, please!”

“What's happening?” I asked Kyubey in exasperation, “Hey! I didn't mean to! Sayaka-chan!!

“What the hell is going on?” Kyouko asked again, in a low but tense tone of voice.

“Hey!” Kyouko shouted at Kyubey, suspecting that he should know what's going on here.

“Puella Magi can only control their bodies from within 100 meters.” Kyubey stated.

“100 meters?” Kyouko asked, “What the hell does that mean?”

“Usually it's right there with you.” Kyubey answered, “This almost never happens.”

“What are you talking about, Kyubey?!” I asked him, “Help! Don't let Sayaka die!”

“Madoka...” Kyubey replied after a brief pause, “That's not Sayaka. It's just a shell.”

“Huh?” I asked.

“You just threw Sayaka over the rail.” Kyubey continued.

“What are you talking about?” Kyouko asked, while she gestured one hand towards her Soul Gem.

“You can't fight Witches with a regular human body.” Kyubey began in answer, “A Puella Magi's former body is just a big robot. Your soul is in a form that more efficiently uses magic. Since it's smaller, it's also much safer. As the one that forms contracts with Puella Magi, my job is to take out their souls and turn them into Soul Gems.”

Kyubey's explanation left me trembling in open mouth fright! How disgustingly creepy! How horrible!

“You bastard!” cried Kyouko, as she motioned over to roughly pick up Kyubey by his head, “What did you do to us? It's like you've turned us into zombies!”

But Kyubey displayed no remorse over the awful acts he had done to Sayaka and other Puella Magi. I started weeping over the horrific injustice that Kyubey had wrought upon Sayaka, and other Puella Magi!

Homura would thankfully manage to retrieve Sayaka's Soul Gem, and I was deeply relieved that Sayaka would live through this night. But horrific questions had been left in the wake of tonight's revelations. Questions that would plague my mind in the days to come...

__________________________________________________ ___________

Homura/Sayaka Alliance Chain

Homura, Sayaka, and I were now hiding in the nurse's office of Mitakihara Middle School. We were dearly hoping that we would manage to avoid being found by Jinnai's forces. But as the sounds of those androids scurrying about the school became ever louder and nearer, I think that Sayaka was become increasingly antsy.

“We can't stay on the defensive forever.” I overheard Sayaka whispering to Homura, “We have to mount a counter-attack.”

“We will. Eventually.” Homura replied in whisper, “But we need to sit tight and wait for the ideal opportunity to mount it. That opportunity will present itself. Until then...”

“But what if it doesn't?” Sayaka asked in whisper, “I don't like hiding like this. We should fight back!”

Sayaka had been a bit too loud with her last words. I heard some garbled, excited noise coming from just beyond the door to the Nurse's Office. Oh no, it looked like we were going to soon be cornered!

But much to my surprise and relief, we would soon be saved by a mysterious rescuer!

I heard loud cries, grunts, shouts, and metal screeching like nails on a chalkboard! I also heard the sounds of shattering glass, broken doors, pierced metal, and violent explosions!

“What is causing all of that noise?” I asked Homura nervously.

Homura opened up the door to the nurse's office ever so slightly ajar, in order to peak out through the opening.

“Kyouko Sakura...” Homura said under her breath.

Just a couple minutes later, the door to the nurse's office would be violently swung back by this Kyouko Sakura. She was a spear-wielding redhead girl in a long-flowing reddish dress, just like the one I had seen in one of my dreams! But I would have no time to bring this up given how desperately and quickly Kyouko took action.

“Thank God!” Kyouko exclaimed at the sight of Homura, Sayaka, and I, “I finally found you!”

“You... you're the Puella Magi that Homura and I met yesterday!” Sayaka exclaimed.

“Yes, and like I argued to you both, I have bigger concerns than Walpurgis Night or any measly familiar. Now that you've seen our dear Emperor in action, I'm sure that you agree!” Kyouko exclaimed in reply, “But any disagreements can wait. First I need to get you all outta here!”

“How do you intend to do that?” Homura asked.

“Don't worry!” Kyouko shouted in response, “My illusion magic will see us through to the Chariot of the Crimson Knights!”

I wanted to ask what this 'Chariot of the Crimson Knights' might be, but that question could wait. The most important thing now was getting out of the virtual death-trap that Jinnai had thrown us into, and get to safety!

Homura, Sayaka, and I all sprinted closely behind Kyouko, as she lead us out the back entrance of the school. The four of us had to fight a few androids along the way, but between Kyouko's spear and my arrows we thankfully managed to blitz through them!

We then made a long sprint, shrouded by Kyouko's illusion magic. We eventually arrived at a sewer entrance.

“Eewww...” stated Sayaka, “Do we really have to go down there.”

“Would you rather be left to his deprivations?” Kyouko angrily asked, “There's no time for complaining right now! Besides, we'll soon be on a decently clean underground bullet train!”

Kyouko would prove true to her word!

After Homura, Sayaka, and I had managed to climb down into the sewers, we saw a small, yellowish-coloured submarine-like craft emerge from out of the filthy and slimy waters. The top hatch of it opened up.

“Get down inside the hatch!” Kyouko shouted, “That miniature sub will take us to safety!”

After agreeing to her orders, albeit a bit reluctantly, Homura, Sayaka, and I would be safe and snug inside the sub. Kyouko followed tightly behind us, closing the hatch and fastening it.

“I hope that I didn't keep you waiting, Commander!” a young man in his 20s shouted out to Kyouko, while looking back towards her.

“Not at all, Masato!” Kyouko replied with a smiling shout, “You did good today! Now get us to the Chariot of the Crimson Knights!”

“Right!” he exclaimed.

The past hour seemed like a magnificently mesmerizing mirage of images in my mind. It was all such a blur! The same would be true of the next thirty minutes.

After the sub resurfaced again, we found ourselves next to a hidden and high-tech underground railway. Kyouko then whisked herself, Homura, Sayaka, and I unto the bullet train that was stationed there. The bullet train was scarlet red in colour, and it had some sort of fancy insignia on it. On the bullet train were some young adults and teenagers, two of them male and two of them female. They were all wearing sleek,
crimson-coloured military uniforms, and these uniforms all had the same insignia on them as what was on the exterior of the bullet train itself.

“Just where are you taking us?!” Sayaka asked Kyouko in exapseration.

“To one of the few places that remain beyond the reach of Emperor Jinnai and his imperialist forces.” Kyouko answered, “I'm taking you to the main HQ of the Crimson Knight Resistance!”

The ten minute train ride to that HQ gave Homura, Sayaka, and I a chance to catch our breaths. It also gave Homura and I a chance to transform back into our normal attire.

The young men and women in uniform all had firm and stern looks to them. They held some long, elaborate high-tech guns in their arms. They remained mostly silent for the entire trip to this Crimson Knight Resistance HQ. They only spoke when Kyouko herself addressed them.

“What is this Crimson Knight Resistance?” Sayaka asked Kyouko, a few minutes into our trip.

“It is a resistance force dedicated to the overthrow of Emperor Jinnai.” Kyouko answered, “It's a resistance that fights for a free and liberated Japan! ...And hopefully, in time, a free world.”

I frowned over Kyouko's words, as it was clear that what she was fighting for would not be necessary if not for my wish. But I would soon learn that my wish had wrought far greater changes than I had initially expected...

The Crimson Knight Resistance's HQ was impressively large and well-structured. This became clear to me as Homura, Sayaka, and I followed close behind Kyouko as she left the bullet train to climb up a steep flight of stairs leading to the base level of the HQ. There were two armed guards standing at every exit and entry point. Hallways were long, wide, and well-lit by overhead lights. But they had a generic feeling to them, as they were a solid bluish grey in colour with a slight metallic sheen, and they were entirely lacking any sort of decoration. But the room that Kyouko lead us into was huge, decidedly spacious, and spherical in formation.

There was some pleasant greenery in the middle of the room which provided a pleasant aroma. The room also had plenty of chairs and tables situated all about it. And almost the entire circumference of the room was adorned with rows upon rows upon rows of books!

“This is the Learning Center of the Crimson Knight Resistance.” Kyouko stated to us, “It is probably the most relaxing part of the HQ, with a decidedly pleasant atmosphere. Here you will find loads of books outlawed by the fascistic government of Emporer Jinnai! Hopefully you will be able to make yourselves comfortable here.”

“Thanks.” Sayaka said.

“Thank you.” Homura and I both added.

“Wait...” I began in wonderment, after finally getting a chance to clear my mind, “What is this all about? Why did you rescue all of us?”

“Isn't that obvious?” Kyouko asked in turn, “It's because you actually managed to hurt the Emperor! I caught a glimpse of him flying and shouting in pain when you socked him one! I knew then and there that I had to recruit you into my Crimson Knights Resistance force!”

Your Crimson Knights Resistance force?” Sayaka asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Right!” Kyouko exclaimed with a proud smile, “I'm the leader of it.”

“This is all... very strange.” Homura said in a low tone, while narrowing her eyes, “Wait, Kyouko, do you have any history books handy?”

“Sure, we have lots of them here!” Kyouko exclaimed in answer, “Feel free to read whatever you want over the next hour. I'll get back to you soon.”

“Where are you going?” I asked Kyouko.

“I have to report back to my immediate subordinates, including the leaders of a couple neighbouring resistance cells.” Kyouko answered, “Don't worry. You're safe here! If you need to go to the washroom or grab a bite to eat, just ask one of the guards situated outside of this room. I'll order them to treat you as honoured guests!”

Kyouko then left the room through two large sliding doors, an exit way different from the one we used to enter this room.

“Man, this is all so bizarre...” Sayaka said, while scratching the back of her head.

“That's why I'm going to read some recent history books.” Homura said, “I have a theory. As disturbing as it is, it is something that I must explore.”

Homura then searched out a couple of books from a section labelled “History and World Geography”. While she did this, I chatted a bit with Sayaka in the hopes that we could calm each other down. Our nerves were still very frenzied given everything that had happened lately. I have to admit that I was also feeling very exhausted given the late hour it now was this Saturday night. I had lost track of time, but it must now be near midnight, if not even later.

A half-hour after beginning her research, Homura called Sayaka and I over to the desk that she was sitting at. I pulled up one chair to the left of Homura, and Sayaka pulled up a chair to the right of her. We then both leaned over a bit to look at a book that Homura was holding open, flat on the table.

“First of all, just take a look at that 2050 World Map.” Homura stated.

“Almost all of Europe from Lisbon, Portugal to all of the British Isles to Moscow, Russia is now under the territory of 'Germany'...” I began in breathless shock, “But Italy still has its own country and much of Africa... And almost everything else is listed as one or another territory of 'Greater Japan'!”

“This can't possibly be right.” Sayaka piped up, “Why, this map would lead you to believe that...”

“The Axis Powers won WWII?” Homura asked, finishing Sayaka's sentences, “Yes, and that's because they did.”

“Wait, our country won WWII?!” Sayaka asked in shock.

“I don't know if I want to think of it as 'our country', but you're essentially right.” Homura answered, “Let me flip over to another section of this book to show you a picture.”

After doing so, Homura pointed towards a picture, listed as being from June 25th, 1950. It was a picture of Adolf Hitler, Benito Mussolini, and former Japanese Prime Minister Hideki Tojo all standing in front of a demolished White House in Washington, America!

“This was the site of the 1950 Washington Conference.” Homura stated, “It's where the leaders of Germany, Japan, and Italy gathered to officially divide up the spoils of war between them.”

“So...” I began, thinking deeply over what all of this meant, “Does this mean that the Hiroshima and Nagasaki tragedies of the 1940s never occurred?!”

“Yes, that's correct.” Homura answered, “But it came at quite a price. Hitler's National Socialists governed Germany, and almost half of the entire Northern Hemisphere, until the 1990s. That's when a worldwide economic recession forced dramatic and violent government changes throughout the globe.”

“Is that when this Emperor Jinnai rose to power?” Sayaka asked.

“Exactly.” Homura answered, “In the midst of this global social upheaval, Jinnai challenged Emperor Hirohito's son for the throne. Jinnai used his Magus powers to completely overwhelm him in combat. Jinnai is now held to be a god among men, and is literally worshipped as the divine leader of Japan. Which now is essentially the same as leader of the entire world.”

“So that's how my wish ended up being implemented.” I stated in a low and contemplative tone.

“After Jinnai's rise to power, he dispatched 'Peacekeeping Forces' to Berlin to bring strict law and order back to an increasingly chaotic Europe, under the auspices of Imperial Japan.” Homura continued, “The Hitlerian Line was severed for good, but the Fuhrer tradition was reinstated under the watchful eye of Tokyo. Germany and Italy's governments are now mere puppets of Japan. Powerful puppets, but puppets nonetheless.”

Incredible...” Sayaka said in a tone of awe, “So this is what Kyouko and her Crimson Knights are rebelling against? About 60 years of continuous Jinnai rule? How is this all possible?!”

“Jinnai likely now has two sets of memories.” Homura stated, “One from before Madoka made her wish, and one from after she did so. And if you carefully check your own memories, you'll find two sets of memories as well.”

Homura... Homura was right! In my memory, I now see a slightly different Mitakihara Middle School. One with more rigid regulations. One where we are required to wear armbands displaying the Imperial Japanese flag during important school events. One where Tojo and Hitler are talked about in decidedly glowing terms during History classes!

“B-but what about all of the wishes by all of the Puella Magi that came between the start of WWII and our present day?” I asked Homura.

“The changes made to history by your wish must not have clashed with them.” stated Homura, “Everything has been carefully rearranged to give Jinnai virtual global governance.”

“What do you think we should do?” Sayaka asked, in deep concern.

“I...” Homura began in uneasily reply, “I don't know. I honestly don't know. But whatever we choose to do about this all, we'll need to make a decision on it soon.”

Homura was right. Very hard and tough decisions would be facing me very soon...

To Be Continued...


Well, this might be my most controversial update yet, lol. I had some very hard decisions to make concerning Homura here, ones that I truly agonized over. I honestly came to the conclusion that this was the most likely way she'd handle her standoff with Sayaka if Madoka had not become involved. Maybe I'm wrong there, but it's the call I went with.

As for Homura/Sayaka Alliance Section... Well, I hope people like the rather large twist, lol.

I eagerly look forward to any and all replies to this update. I'll also try to soon get back to recent replies to Mami Lives Chapter 6.

Last edited by Triple_R; 2012-03-22 at 12:24.
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Old 2012-03-22, 18:38   Link #153
Kogetsu Shirogane
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And now for a comment thing... bah, I really gotta start thinking of better ways to start messages.

Spoiler for Canon:
And now onto Alliance... or as this particular update wants to be called...
Spoiler for Code Fantasma: Kyouko of the Resistance:

At any rate, nice job on this one.
Kyouko Sakura and Madoka Kaname, Puella Magi Madoka Magica
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... so you think you're a king now...
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Old 2012-03-23, 02:27   Link #154
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And now, time to get to some excellent and recent reader feedback! As usual, I'll be using the Spoiler Space approach.

Spoiler for Coldlight, on Mami Lives Chapter 6:

Spoiler for Sol Falling, on Mami Lives Chapter 6:

Spoiler for Kogetsu Shirogane, on Mami Lives 6 *AND* Chapter 13:
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Old 2012-03-24, 06:01   Link #155
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Originally Posted by Triple_R View Post
By the way, I'm open for any suggestions on who should later stand-in for Kyouko, lol.
Normally I haven't been posting here, since I talk to you on AIM about it, but I thought of the two great imo character for this(and one other option), so...
Spoiler for Potential Kyouko Stand-ins:

Those are my thoughts anyways .
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Old 2012-03-24, 12:26   Link #156
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Feedback incoming. Get your tl;dr helmets and take cover.

Chapter 13: Canon Route Chain
Spoiler for Chapter 13 - Straight Ahead:

Spoiler for Kyouko gives Sayaka another chance Section:

Spoiler for A startling meeting Section:

Homura/Sayaka Alliance Chain:
Spoiler for Homura/Sayaka Alliance:

It's a pleasant surprise to see you've used nearly all the alternative colors I suggested for switching between the girls' views.

Thanks for the update. I especially enjoyed the Homura/Sayaka Alliance section.
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Old 2012-03-24, 13:12   Link #157
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Sorry for my late reply Triple R. I hope you don't mind me cutting the formalities. I'm now going to give you feedback for the Sayaka Romance and Current Canon Route in turn (when I carefully finish reading it).

Well let's get started "Ahem"

Current Madoka x Sayaka Romance Scenario:

Excellent work on continuously showing us the insecurities that Madoka's still having regarding the relationship toward Sayaka, and the latter hesitations towards her old flame aka Kyousuke Kamijou. Sayaka's hesitations is quite natural because she's conflicted between a loving relationship with Madoka that many people won't approve of, and a normal healthy relationship that a mass majority would accept. Sayaka is my second favorite girl in the series, and this add much depth in her emotional turmoil in regards to romance and friendship in general.

It's still clear to me and your readers that Sayaka still has feelings for the boy she has taken care of all those years, and the timing on his discharge really threw a wrench in her gears. Great work on emphasizing on Sayaka's hesitations because in those situations I'm sure many of us hesitate and we need to come clear on ours feelings before the situation becomes more complicated or worse.

Part One: Madoka's Big Decision:

Spoiler for Madoka's Big Decision::

Part Two: Homura's Request:

Spoiler for Homura's Request:

Part 3: Hitomi/Sayaka Comes Clean:

Spoiler for Hitomi/Sayaka Comes Clean:

Truly amazing work on how one's doubts, insecurities, and desperation really come into play here. Sayaka's still in doubt about her feelings regarding Madoka and Kamijou, Homura became something she shouldn't have, and the Hitomi/Sayaka revelations and possible stand off. It's clear that many feelings haven't or have yet to be sorted out so congrats on emphasizing those feelings, you've really done your Madoka homework, as always. Two thumbs up really awesome read, you rock!!

Grading Time:

Spoiler for Pros:

Spoiler for Cons:

Excellent work as always and I look forward to your next work. Keep up the great work, I'm be waiting!! (I'll write my canon feedback shortly. I'm now reading and revising how I'll write my review.)

Last edited by Kirito; 2012-04-02 at 18:21.
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Old 2012-03-25, 09:50   Link #158
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I just remaked chapter 1 with normal Visual Novel Style, download below
please tell me what do you think about it. next release will be the remake of the VN to chapter 5
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Old 2012-03-25, 12:23   Link #159
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I'm truly impressed with the art and the update on this, it feels more like a visual novel, I love it!!

Keep it coming I want to play/see more of this, the art is incredible.
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Old 2012-03-25, 12:59   Link #160
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Originally Posted by Kimidori View Post
I just remaked chapter 1 with normal Visual Novel Style, download below
please tell me what do you think about it. next release will be the remake of the VN to chapter 5

Oh man, that's great!

I literally loled at how you handled the results for the two affection-changing options for Choice 1. Each one was truly adorable in its own way.

Homura's facial expression for either of the two affection-changing options for Choice 2 was similarly well-done and nicely memorable.

This format change really does make it more enjoyable, and I'd strongly encourage all fanfic readers to check out this new version.

I like how this new version is a hybrid - You kept what worked fine in the old version, but spruced up key dialogue-heavy scenes. That's probably the way to go until you reach Mami Lives at least (after that, it might have to go almost entirely conventional-style, and that's fine).

I guess that now we should be able to get a VN for this up until... Jinnai appears? I guess OC characters and OC settings (i.e. the beach in Mami Lives) are the only major issues now. I've been thinking of removing the entire Homura/Sayaka Alliance chain from the VN version of this in order to make your part of this easier, Kimidori. If readers are fine with that, I might go that route.

Anyway, awesome work! It truly made my Sunday, as I battle through the flu. I hope to have Mami Lives Chapter 7 up within a day or so. I also intend to eventually get back to the excellent replies by Coldlight, Konakaga, and Deikan.
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