Dating

[Ledgem]

Originally Posted by DonQuigleone

I assumed so myself. I've often done the same thing. Given the fandom we're in, well, the fact he thought you were serious isn't suprising.

I don't think there's many of the 2D>3D crowd outside Japan, to be honest. And even they're a subculture of a subculture there. I'd say the Anime that feature those types are as much subtly mocking them as sympathising.

I was ready to believe it based on other things Saintess has said in the past, and the personality type I've pegged him for. I'm glad it was a joke.

[SaintessHeart]

Originally Posted by Ledgem

I was ready to believe it based on other things Saintess has said in the past, and the personality type I've pegged him for. I'm glad it was a joke.

If men were wholly rational, the Duke from 12th Night wouldn't have existed.

[zebra]

I skipped a lot through the pages, so excuse me if I missed an important part to what I'm replying ..

Originally Posted by Paranoid Android

"Will you go out with me?"
"... .. I'm moving to Singapore! :3"

^ An extremely cut-down version of one of my personal 'i just got pwned in the face' experiences.

That is SO sad I feel really bad I laughed so hard at it
I'm really sorry, but the way you put it ... XDD

Originally Posted by Gamer_2k4

Now, here's my problem. She's a great person, she likes a lot of the things I do, holds similar religious beliefs, etc. She fits in well with my group of friends, and we can have a lot of fun together. As a friend, I think she's fantastic. Unfortunately, I'm not attracted to her at all.

What do I do?

I think many great things have already been said, but I'll just add my opinion. If it were me I'd simply look where it goes for a while. You've only seen each other two times after all. But you shouldn't feel bad about having doubts. There are two things you can do:
You either tell her now it's no use or give her a chance.

If you notice that nothing changes on your side and she starts to get seriously invested - than you have to tell her that.

You don't have to lead her on or anything, you could even say "I'm not sure about what I want yet, can we get to know each other better before defining anything?" ... if you feel the need to make it clear you don't already have the engangement ring in your pocket

At least that's how I do it. Granted, I'm a scaredy cat when it comes to serious commitment, but that line has proven handy in my personal experience. It's still a question of how you roll and what YOU WANT in the end.

Affection can grow, but it is not definite they will.

I don't think you're obliged to make a decision on the spot. Your girl seems worth a shot since you say she has a good personality, so why not give it a little more time?
You can't force yourself into getting attracted to her, though.

Originally Posted by Endless Soul

Endless "In the Middle" Soul

XD
I still like KoIP better.

Originally Posted by Paranoid Android

We've been already officially together for almost a year:
Me: I'm really booked and busy this winter holiday, are you free on the 28th? We should spend the entire day together.
Her: Sorry I have plans on that day.
Me: Aw that sucks, that means we only have new years eve and new years together

AFTER the 28th:
Her: Do you not want to see me that much?
Me: What? Of course I wanted to see you.
Her: Well when I told you I'm busy on the 28th, I wasn't. But you didn't seem to care at all or ask me to reschedule.

^ It went to hell from there and we broke up before new years eve. But to me it's like "what the fuck?"

Honestly, I think she was just looking for a reason to break it off. Consciously or subconsciously. If it wasn't that ... she's simply crazy.
In a long relationship it often happens that you start to bicker about things that shouldn't matter; but if these are presented as fundamental and the provoking party isn't a drama queen - it's more often symptoms of a different, deeper crisis than not.

Originally Posted by DonQuigleone

Not so fussed on the cleaning thing (wouldn't want to go out with a girl who's a neat freak), but cooking, a girl who can cook well is damn fine in my books .

[...]

However, it would be fairly important that any girl I go out with have interests beyond that, an appreciation for politics and international affairs, and intellectual activities, for starters. She'd have to be on "my level" so to speak. I expect as much as I am capable of when it comes to housekeeping, which isn't terribly high, but not low either.

Funnily preparing food seems to be a general cheat in winning a guy's affection. Must be that underlying message of "I can take care of you <3~" At least it seems to always give you +100 respect or affection.
Then again: I think it's really attractive if a guy is a handyman, even so I'm more than capable of doing the usual stuff myself (I grew up with tools and axes and worked in an work shop for electro technics part time).
I'm no good with cars though, so whenever I have problems there I'm the usual "maiden in distress"
I guess it's just nice to know if the other is able to support you, no matter the means.

I also think that it's a pretty common thing (and kind of a no brainer) to look past appeareance and skills and look into common interests as well. Specially if you are someone who needs the input and wants to share things that you are passionate about.
Don't necessarily have to be the exact same hobbies and interests, but it's always a bonus for me. A general curiosity for new stuff can balance the lack of similar hobbies out imo. Or you know, the other inviting you to broaden your horizon. At least it works for me, since I'm a very curious person and don't have real traditional hobby, aside from travelling maybe. But I love to try out new things, so it's still great if you have someone by your side who is willing to accompany you.

Long post is long sorry.

[Endless Soul]

Originally Posted by zebra

XD
I still like KoIP better.

Heh thanks.

They are very interesting photos worth keeping

[ChainLegacy]

Originally Posted by Mystique

Woman: I love chocolate but it makes me break out in spots ><;;
Man: Then try eating less or avoid chocolate all together. (Totally rational, males are probably thinking)
Woman: WTF?! Are you calling me a fat, ugly cow!!?

(He actually meant to say was: )
"Try eating some every few days to see if that'll help lessen the outbreak. If you find a good balance, you can enjoy choccie and your skin should be okay, too!"
This would be a female answer, don't ask me how or why we know to answer like this, we just do

Those words would be tantamount to heresy for my younger sister (a health nut) So I'm not so sure I agree on that.

Originally Posted by Ledgem

Ah, it was rather callous of me to write what I did - I'm secure in being regarded as "nerdy" or awkward in various ways (who isn't?) but I should have figured that people would be insulted by that statement and probably kept it to myself. For the record, I did not say that the social life was "glum" but that people here have a "glum outlook" on their chances with girls as a result of society's stereotypes. I also did not say that nerds are not desirable - I find you all desirable enough to converse with, and have for many years - I was remarking on society's stereotypes.

What, do you disagree with me? Has society changed its tune? I'll admit that I've been cooped up in research labs and other places of academia for a few years, and I'm not the most up to date with these things. Are "nerds" now desirable, or has anime become such a mainstream hobby that you're not a "nerd" for engaging in it?

As to your last statement, I'm talking to a bunch of men at the moment, so I'm addressing males specifically. Of course nerds can be girls. I don't keep up with modern movies or television shows, but from what I can tell, "the nerdy girl" is now something that is being brought into them - how does society portray those types of girls? The last time I saw something relating to that, it was "nerdy girl undergoes transformation to become a popular girl." Have they changed that around so that the "nerdy girl" remains as she is, and is still desirable?

Once you're secure in being awkward it ceases being as awkward. Especially in adult life. Hell, if anything a secure unorthodox person can be more endearing for their unique character.

[SaintessHeart]

Originally Posted by ChainLegacy

Those words would be tantamount to heresy for my younger sister (a health nut) So I'm not so sure I agree on that.

If you get scolded, pat your chest and say, "Yeah, I am not growing boobs. I am still a guy, therefore I don't understand you girls. I am afraid you have to tell me what did I do wrong here."

Disclaimer : The advisor is not liable for any physical or relationship damage thereafter. Use at your own risk.

[Kaijo]

Worst e-mail you could ever receive after a date?

Thought I'd post this here to get some reactions. At first, you may be thinking the guy is crazy, but some of the comments hit upon an interesting interpretation: what if the guy has Aspergers? Having known a few in my time, it certainly sounds like some of the people I've known with Aspergers(and I confess, a bit too close to how I've come at times). He's trying to navigate the social rules without really understanding them, and it comes across as a bit creepy. And yet, as you can see from the tone of the article, mainstream still doesn't understand it or recognize it, and derides people for it.

Granted, this is just a possible interpretation. But it highlights the issues some people have with the dating scene.

[Endless Soul]

Originally Posted by Kaijo

Worst e-mail you could ever receive after a date?

Thought I'd post this here to get some reactions. At first, you may be thinking the guy is crazy, but some of the comments hit upon an interesting interpretation: what if the guy has Aspergers? Having known a few in my time, it certainly sounds like some of the people I've known with Aspergers(and I confess, a bit too close to how I've come at times). He's trying to navigate the social rules without really understanding them, and it comes across as a bit creepy. And yet, as you can see from the tone of the article, mainstream still doesn't understand it or recognize it, and derides people for it.

Granted, this is just a possible interpretation. But it highlights the issues some people have with the dating scene.

Uh..wow! You're right, he does come off as creepy and he also sounds like he's a pain in the ass to be around. However, as he stated in his opening paragraph, it's difficult to determine the emotions going through the writer since e-mails and such are rather cold.

But chasing down her e-mail using Google?

[Kafriel]

Too bloody long! Besides, the probability of it going straight to the spam folder is high, so why type out 1600 words that are highly unlikely to be read, especially if it's named "Hey, it's Mike", or something?

what if the guy has Aspergers?

He wouldn't make it so long...or so I think. Having met a few people irl and quite a few over the net, neither kind is chatty, although that doesn't make them easier to misunderstand or anything.

[Ledgem]

Originally Posted by Kaijo

Worst e-mail you could ever receive after a date?

Thought I'd post this here to get some reactions. At first, you may be thinking the guy is crazy, but some of the comments hit upon an interesting interpretation: what if the guy has Aspergers? Having known a few in my time, it certainly sounds like some of the people I've known with Aspergers(and I confess, a bit too close to how I've come at times). He's trying to navigate the social rules without really understanding them, and it comes across as a bit creepy. And yet, as you can see from the tone of the article, mainstream still doesn't understand it or recognize it, and derides people for it.

Granted, this is just a possible interpretation. But it highlights the issues some people have with the dating scene.

I'm not really sure that he doesn't get the "social rules." He states in his second paragraph that "I assume you don't want to go out with me." He gets it, he understands what lack of communication after a date likely means. The rest basically indicates that he's unable to accept that his assumptions were incorrect (he's particularly fixated on what "playing with hair" must mean), or it could indicate that he really liked her and is doing all that he can to still have a chance.

The only thing he doesn't seem to understand (which could result from something along the autism spectrum) is how this girl might be feeling. He attempts to state multiple times what his intent in writing the email is (which does show that he's considering her interpretation), yet the overall email indicates and explains that he is hurt and upset. Despite that, he still welcomes a second date. Basically, he's already pegged her as being uninterested, then says things that would make her guilty, and also attempts to show why they would be compatible. I can't imagine how a second date would be anything but uncomfortable - for the girl, at least.

[Kaijo]

People with Aspergers are fairly logical, blunt, and straight-forward. So, from what he has gleaned from other information sources, he thinks that she might not be interested. But prefers a straightforward answer so he can move on. It could be that she just didn't see his messages or something else happened that she can't respond.

But Aspies also don't tend to realize how they come across, and thus do say and do things that sound creepy, but seem totally logical. Finding an e-mail address, for instance, is very easy. The internet has all your information, and sometimes it's just a matter of looking at your facebook page. From his logical standpoint: you put your information up online, so why would you get upset from someone looking at it?

Aspies really think different, which is why it is so hard for mainstream people to empathize or understand them. If he really is an aspie, then he's being a normal straightforward person, and he really means what he says. The problem is that he doesn't know how he comes across to "normal" people.

[DonQuigleone]

I have met an aspie once or twice in real life. I do have to say, they do seem a little bit "off". It's hard to describe. Somethings just not quite right. It's a kind of uncanny valley type thing.

That email did feel a bit like an aspergers might have wrote it.

[SaintessHeart]

Originally Posted by DonQuigleone

I have met an aspie once or twice in real life. I do have to say, they do seem a little bit "off". It's hard to describe. Somethings just not quite right. It's a kind of uncanny valley type thing.

That email did feel a bit like an aspergers might have wrote it.

I thought aspies and dyslexics are interesting people as compared to the more frequent garbage that try to make themselves more popular.

The way they speak and converse, sometimes I wonder if they have a cerebral jack to upload all that stuff into their heads.

[DonQuigleone]

Dyslexics? I think they're fairly normal. I've known several, nothing really set them apart from the majority, other then the fact they had trouble reading/writing/spelling.

[SaintessHeart]

Originally Posted by DonQuigleone

Dyslexics? I think they're fairly normal. I've known several, nothing really set them apart from the majority, other then the fact they had trouble reading/writing/spelling.

Well some teachers like to call them "retarded" for not being to spell properly despite multiple spelling corrections.

[Ledgem]

Originally Posted by Kaijo

Aspies really think different, which is why it is so hard for mainstream people to empathize or understand them. If he really is an aspie, then he's being a normal straightforward person, and he really means what he says. The problem is that he doesn't know how he comes across to "normal" people.

I don't know about Asperger's specifically, but many autistic individuals have little sense of others. I haven't kept up with autism research, so I don't know if they've clarified it beyond that.

The classic example that I read about was a father whose son was autistic: the father taught the son to point at something when he wanted it, and the father would bring it to him. One day the father was out gardening, and he happened to peek inside the house and saw that his son was standing, alone in a room, his back to the window, pointing at a box of cookies. The entire concept that pointing was signaling to someone else was lost.

This fellow Mike is unusual in that he seems to comprehend the girl's thoughts and feelings, but it's somewhat limited. His message all too quickly turns very centered around himself. Is it something on the autism spectrum, or pure selfishness/self-centeredness? Either way, whether people recognize and try to accommodate it, the prospects for a successful relationship seem slim.

[DonQuigleone]

I can only imagine that a relationship with a guy like him will only end in tears.

It's also plausible that he has a personality disorder of some kind.

[Paranoid Android]

Originally Posted by zebra

That is SO sad I feel really bad I laughed so hard at it
I'm really sorry, but the way you put it ... XDD

Yeah I purposely made it have that impression. She told me after her first date that she's moving by the end of the year. And we were both kind of just 'hanging out' after that.

--------------------
Dyslexia is very different from Aspergers in the scope of its effect. Dyslexia is closer to Tourettes in that it's really specific to spoken/written language.

I wonder if any Aspies found someone of the opposite gender with the same disorder? If you're romantically incompatible with most people might as well. Just like a homosexual shouldn't force themselves in a relationship with someone heterosexual of the opposite gender.
-----------------
</removed off topic>

[Kaijo]

Originally Posted by Ledgem

I don't know about Asperger's specifically, but many autistic individuals have little sense of others. I haven't kept up with autism research, so I don't know if they've clarified it beyond that.

Aspergers is generally thought of as a less severe version of autism. If you think of a line, with normal on one side and autism on the other side, Aspergers would fall in the middle. People can be anywhere on the sliding scale from normal to autism, and there are a variety of symptoms that they may or may not have.

Your pointing example is a good one. There are many social rules that aren't really taught but are expected. Someone with Aspergers just really doesn't know or understand them; can probably be taught the rules, but won't really understand why. You see it with the letter; the guy knows something about eye contact and hair preening that he read online, but he doesn't know why. And he doesn't really understand the "I had a nice time" thing.

There are all sorts of subtle clues that we give off with our bodies that we pick up consciously or subconsciously, that aid human communication. Someone with Aspergers just plain doesn't get them, which makes social interaction a mystery, as if they are witnessing people talking in a different language.

[Ledgem]

Maybe, but I still think there's more to it than that. Even though he claims that she seemed interested, he says straight out that "I assume you don't want to go out with me" near the beginning of his letter. He gets it. He may be confused about what happened between the end of the date and the present, but he has picked up on the "hints" about a lack of interest. So what compels him to write the rest of the message, and to continue pursuing this woman?