The Genderbending of Haruhi Suzumiya [Spoilers Aplenty]

[dkellis]

Originally Posted by Heatth

It isn't time to us have 'our' own TVtrope entry yet?
(well, not really 'our' since it should include any seitenkan doujin)

If anyone is actually going to do this, I'd like to mention that currently TVTropes has a lot of "regular editors" going on a backlash against anime. Including one of the site founders and maintainers (who locked a page against edits because he didn't like that the example image was from anime: the justification was, and I quote, "It was the mood that was on me. If you don't like it, take off.").

The Seitenkan project has gotten even more flak because it is both altering the canon too much (for being fanfiction) and not altering the canon enough (for being based around rewrites).

I'm not saying that You Should Not Do It, but more that if you do want to do it, be prepared to defend yourselves.

[Heatth]

Originally Posted by dkellis

If anyone is actually going to do this, I'd like to mention that currently TVTropes has a lot of "regular editors" going on a backlash against anime. Including one of the site founders and maintainers (who locked a page against edits because he didn't like that the example image was from anime: the justification was, and I quote, "It was the mood that was on me. If you don't like it, take off.").

The Seitenkan project has gotten even more flak because it is both altering the canon too much (for being fanfiction) and not altering the canon enough (for being based around rewrites).

I'm not saying that You Should Not Do It, but more that if you do want to do it, be prepared to defend yourselves.

Yeah, lets then come! We can handle that!!

.


.


.

Well, I was kinda joking. My thinking process was: "If some cheep genderbend F?SN web comic has a page, why we not?"

I would find awesome though. The seitenkan already has a handfull exemples in the site, anyway (has even a quote from Kaisos edit!). I would help to defend it, if necessery.

I just don't vonlunteer myself because my writing is not good. English is not even my native language.

PP:
Don't intent to talk ill about F/SN REverse. But I felt strange a small web comic (only 17 pages) having it own page on TVtropes.

[Kogetsu Shirogane]

Originally Posted by otai

Because if I have to use an inanimate possession of Kyonko's to make a tracking device, I'd ask for her panties.

One, you're a pervert. Two, she wouldn't take off her panties in front of a couple of guys and a girl that acts a little too friendly towards her for that. Three, you're a pervert. Four, it had to be something of value to her, and that she's worn for a long time. Five... have I mentioned you're a pervert?

[Tyabann]

Originally Posted by dkellis

If anyone is actually going to do this, I'd like to mention that currently TVTropes has a lot of "regular editors" going on a backlash against anime. Including one of the site founders and maintainers (who locked a page against edits because he didn't like that the example image was from anime: the justification was, and I quote, "It was the mood that was on me. If you don't like it, take off.").

God I hate that site.

Originally Posted by otai

The more heavy hitting theories should be saved for later, I think. Maybe this is a good time to discuss the odds of someone being born in he opposite gender. Or born intersexual. Mendellian odds say 50%, I think? And the odds for a large group of people is very large.

Now that Itsuko has had time to think about it, and that I know that you guys seem to want it, I'll probably have her pull out some stuff for Day 4 during their impromptu meeting and for Day 5 if Kyon ends up talking to her...

Man I know nothing about stuff like this. Please, everyone, suggest more half-baked theories you want to hear from Itsuko.

Originally Posted by Heatth

As you said, nothing Itsuki says mean anything. He clarelly make it up on spot. Itsuko should do something similar. Like mentioning "cogito ergo sum" when theorysing they might not be real. Even if this was the case, the fact they think proves they exist, or something similar. She also could babble her original theorys, from novel1, about Haruki being god, when she says he might created another universe (obviusly, don't mean she would belive what she is saying). There are probably some other things she could say here, but I haven't had any idea for now.

Itsuko has taken up the side that they're not the real ones, thus they don't exist.

If anyone was going to say that, it'd be Mitsuuru, but I doubt he'd know that particular quote.

Originally Posted by Heatth

Unrelated from the current discussion, but how would be the endless eight restaurant scene genderbended? Kyon proves he can be very similar to Haruki when he want. This mean Kyonko would enter in geki mode and act similar to Haruhi? I am curious now to see how it would work.

Most likely, yes.

Originally Posted by Kogetsu Shirogane

Four, it had to be something of value to her, and that she's worn for a long time.

Could also apply to panties.

[Kogetsu Shirogane]

Originally Posted by Kaisos Erranon

Could also apply to panties.

... Does anyone really value their underwear all that much? Besides, I doubt she wears the same pair on a regular basis.

[Roger Rambo]

Originally Posted by Kaisos Erranon

Could also apply to panties.

Cool story bro.

Originally Posted by Kaisos Erranon

Most likely, yes.

That makes Haruki kind of hard to work with. Since it won't work with him going angry the same way Haruhi did.

[Tyabann]

Originally Posted by Roger Rambo

That makes Haruki kind of hard to work with. Since it won't work with him going angry the same way Haruhi did.

This is why I make little reference to the rewrites in the script here... some scenes just don't work without a lot of weirdness sometimes...

Actually I can use that, too.

[Nanao-kun]

Since I don't know who to quote, I'll just say what I was thinking. Perhaps Itsuko, like Kyonko, felt rather terrified at the thought that they did not exist, thus leading to her being unable to come up with any philosophy/SF metaphysics ramblings. Or perhaps she felt the direness of the situation and refrained from making such theories?

[wittyusername]

On this one page, there's a discussion about what kind of science fictiony, possibly physics-related and probably mildly confusing theories a character should ramble about. Also on the same page, there's a discussion about another character's panties, and how much that character values said panties.

...God, I love this thread.

[Kogetsu Shirogane]

It is fairly amusing how that sort of thing can happen, isn't it?

[Roger Rambo]

And then next we're talking about what would be an appropriate masculine substitute for Haruhi's Tsun Tsun moe moe rage.

[DJ_RockmanX]

Originally Posted by Roger Rambo

And then next we're talking about what would be an appropriate masculine substitute for Haruhi's Tsun Tsun moe moe rage.

Them novel rewrites are still on the backburner. Of course that's only if no one's willing to take a shot at them. The option's always there.

[Ithekro]

An alternative for Itsuko might be fashion analogies mixed with philosophical metaphor.

No I don't know any, but Itsuko always seems stylish rather than scientific.

[Kogetsu Shirogane]

I don't really like that idea. While it wasn't your intention, it could come across as a bit sexist.

[Tyabann]

Originally Posted by Ithekro

An alternative for Itsuko might be fashion analogies mixed with philosophical metaphor.

No I don't know any, but Itsuko always seems stylish rather than scientific.

I know nothing of fashion, either. And I don't want to make Itsuko stereotypically female, that's boring too.

Anyway, new writeup.

WARNING: DESCRIPTIVE IMAGERY. NOT TOO BAD THOUGH, I HOPE.

Spoiler for September the Fourth, Day 3, Universe A: Clubroom- Separation:

Separation


I just heard. A voice. In my head. Oh god.

That you did, dear. Why are you so surprised? It’s the first sign of madness, right?

Talking to your own head?

*snrrrrrrrk*HAHAHAHAHAHA

This is not happening this is not happening what the hell are you?

Don’t you know already?

I’m inside your brain.

Then get out of it!


Mitsuuru: Kyon-chan… are you alright?

Kyonko: Yes, yes, I’m fine! Hahaha, just fine.


No, you’re not.


Itsuko: …You don’t seem fine.

Kyonko: Sure I am! Of course I’m fine! Anyway, it’s getting late, so why don’t we all just head on home, haha…


Good idea. Send them all away.

After all, you’re crazy. You just might kill them all.

No, I wouldn’t. I wouldn’t do anything like that. I wouldn’t.

Really?

You wouldn’t?

I’ll tell you something nice.

Whatever it is I don’t want to hear it.

Over in the drawer below the sink. There’s a knife. A very sharp knife.

Just shut up. Stop talking to me.

With it.

You could murder them.

I wouldn’t!

And when you’re done. You could do things to the bodies.

I don’t want to hear it! Stop!

Look at little Mitsuuru-kun there. I bet his kidneys would tast delicious.

Kidneys are pretty good, especially if basted.

Deep fat fry. Deep fat fry.

Heeheeheeheeheeheehee.

Oh god that’s disgusting you’re disgusting I’d never I’d never you’re not me

Did I ever say I was you? That’s your assumption.

Of course, you’re just crazy, and that’s why I’m here. So I guess I must be you.

More importantly, take Yuuki-kun. Wouldn’t you just LOVE to open him up and find out what makes him work? I bet his organs all have sharp metal parts in them that keep them working.

Hey, hey, aren’t you curious now? You’d have to open him up to find out though.

Heeheeheeheeheeheehee.

No, no, Nagato is my friend, my saviour, stop this!

I’ve only just begun, my dear.

Look at Itsuko. Doesn’t she look concerned? Doesn’t that make you

SICK!?

She’s so much better looking than you. It’s the boobs. It’s just because of those huge cow tits. It’s why guys fall over her, and you get

NOTHING!

I don’t think like that, it’s not how I think, stop it stop it stop it!

Also below the sink is Mitsuuru-kun’s little sewing kit. (What a wuss).

As always, there’s a solution to your problems.

Cut off her big, fat breasts, and sew them to your own body!

You’ll be the envy of every girl in school, take it from me.

That’s

That’s disgusting! That’s so disgusting I can’t even begin to think of it! Get out of my head! I hate you! You’re sick! You’re gross! Get out of my head! Stop it!


Kyonko: STOP IT!


Everyone is looking at me with what my screwed-up brain sees as scared eyes.

How much of all that was I saying out loud I’ve got to get them out of here, got to got to before I do something like that voice just said to do they’ve got to get out of here.


Kyonko: I’d-I’d like to be alone, for a little while. Please, could you all just go…?

Mitsuuru: We’re not leaving you alone when you’re in that condition!

Itsuko: Hush.


She hands me the key that will lock the door.


Itsuko: We understand. We have your ribbon, so even if you get trapped on the other side, we’ll be with you. Remember to call us if that happens.

Kyonko: Right. I will.


You sure? This is your only chance to have boobs like hers.

*snrrrrrrrk*HAHAHAHAHAHA

Everyone files out of the room. Well, everyone but Asahina-senpai.

Oh good, a sacrifice.


Mitsuuru: Kyon-chan, I know you’re trying to put on a brave face, but… look, I know I’m useless, but… I can at least do this. You’re not feeling well, so, uh… will you at least let me walk you home?


Have him walk you home.

What a great idea.

The kid has such an obvious crush on you. Wouldn’t it be great to see the look on his face when you push him in the way of a moving truck?

No, no, shut up, leave me alone.

The wheel will go RIGHT over his pretty little head, making his eyeballs explode, shattering his skull, splattering his brains everywhere.

There’ll be blood. So much blood. Delicious blood.

And then, when all that’s left of his head is a pancake, you can peel it off the road and turn it into a mask.

Wear it. Put on that French maid uniform. No one will be able to tell the difference.

And when Haruki-kun orders you around, you can lift your skirt and go

SURPRISE!

Isn’t that such a great joke? It’s ironic, right? Right?

NYAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA


Kyonko: SHUT THE HELL UP!

Mitsuuru: Wh—I’m sorry, Kyon-chan, I didn’t mean to… I’ll just leave you alone for now.

And thus, I am left alone in the clubroom. All alone. Not even any voices in my head.

…It’s really true. I’ve lost my mind.

Please, let me wake up. I just want to wake up, right?

I’ll wake up and it’ll be September the First again. It’ll be normal. Well, as normal as it gets.

Please let me wake up. Please?


The universe doesn’t respond to my pleas.

I guess I’ll just go home. I probably won’t ripple over for long again today, if at all. I should be okay.

Unless I kill my father and brother in my sleep.

…No voice telling me I should do so. Good, good.

Good.


I head towards the door… and fall flat on my face.

…At my feet, there’s someone’s bag. It’s not mine, so…

Well, let’s check inside.

Let’s see… candy wrappers, chip bags… a bonnet… a few crumpled pieces of paper…a small notebook labelled “Master Plan! Top Secret!”… no schoolbooks whatsoever… and what appears to be a porn manga.

…Must be Haruki’s bag. Oaf.

I don’t know where his house is, and I don’t think I should come into contact with anyone right now anyway, so I’ll just dump this in his shoe locker and call it a day.

[IF RoutesClear >= 6 THEN]

So, which way should I go home.

[DECISION POINT HE RE]

1) The usual way.
2) I’ll go around instead. Less people to murder.


The Grass is Always Greener

See next update for this scene.

Yo, Nyoro

I figure I can go around the back of the Old Shack instead of going through the main part of the school, to avoid human contact.

The voice only seems to trigger when people talk to me, so if I avoid all contact with anyone it shouldn’t be bothering me again.

However, when I rounded the bottom of the stairs…


Voice: Yo, Kyon-chan! Been a while!


An arm grabs my shoulder and presses me into a chest that smells of cologne and, oddly, catnip.


Kyonko: …Tsuruya-senpai. Please let me go. I’m dangerous.

Tsuruya: What? Kyon-chan, dangerous? Ha, you’re too short ta be dangerous.


He lets go of me… but only to pat me on the head like I’m some child. Thanks, Tsuruya-senpai.


This is Tsuruya-senpai. He’s Asahina-senpai’s best friend, who I first met at Haruki’s crazy baseball game back in June. I’ve actually run into him a couple of times since then, and he always greets me with that tight, one-armed hug. I don’t appreciate being treated that way, Tsuruya-senpai.


Tsuruya: It’s fine, it’s fine. Seriously though, what’s this about ya being dangerous?


Odd. The voice hasn’t triggered yet.


Kyonko: You really want to know…?

Tsuruya: Of course! What’re friends for if not ta listen ta each other’s problems?

Kyonko: I have a voice in my head telling me to do horrible things to people.

Tsuruya: What, is that all? Why, I have that happen to me every Thursday. Perfectly normal.

Kyonko: …Are you serious?

Tsuruya: No, of course not. Anyway, Kyon-chan, I wouldn’t worry. Ya don’t have it in ya to kill anybody. It’s not like ya at all.


He pats me on the head again. Thanks for that.


Tsuruya: Aw hell, I gotta run. Well, it was nice talkin’ ta ya, Kyon-chan. Don’t kill anyone on the way out, yeah?

Kyonko: …Nice talking to you, too.


He heads off down the corridor, waving goodbye.

I guess that cheered me up, just a little.

Wait, damn! I was going to ask about his new girlfriend the next time I had the chance! Oh well, maybe next time.

…I wonder, though. He says I’m not a killer, but… but then, what’s with that voice…? What the hell could she be?

I ponder that question as I head around the school towards the shoe lockers.

Slight warning, I'm splitting The Grass is Always Greener into two parts, the second entitled "The Newborn" because it works better for my purposes that way.

Enjoy.

[Kogetsu Shirogane]

Tsuruya is awesome... we really should consider using him more

[Roger Rambo]

okaaaaaaaaaaaaaay

Things got really fucking creepy.



Also, Tsuruya is awesome.

[Kogetsu Shirogane]

... Just be glad I'm not writing this stuff.

[Heatth]

Originally Posted by Kaisos Erranon

I know nothing of fashion, either. And I don't want to make Itsuko stereotypically female, that's boring too.

Anyway, new writeup.

WARNING: DESCRIPTIVE IMAGERY. NOT TOO BAD THOUGH, I HOPE.

Spoiler for September the Fourth, Day 3, Universe A: Clubroom- Separation:

Separation


I just heard. A voice. In my head. Oh god.

That you did, dear. Why are you so surprised? It’s the first sign of madness, right?

Talking to your own head?

*snrrrrrrrk*HAHAHAHAHAHA

This is not happening this is not happening what the hell are you?

Don’t you know already?

I’m inside your brain.

Then get out of it!


Mitsuuru: Kyon-chan… are you alright?

Kyonko: Yes, yes, I’m fine! Hahaha, just fine.


No, you’re not.


Itsuko: …You don’t seem fine.

Kyonko: Sure I am! Of course I’m fine! Anyway, it’s getting late, so why don’t we all just head on home, haha…


Good idea. Send them all away.

After all, you’re crazy. You just might kill them all.

No, I wouldn’t. I wouldn’t do anything like that. I wouldn’t.

Really?

You wouldn’t?

I’ll tell you something nice.

Whatever it is I don’t want to hear it.

Over in the drawer below the sink. There’s a knife. A very sharp knife.

Just shut up. Stop talking to me.

With it.

You could murder them.

I wouldn’t!

And when you’re done. You could do things to the bodies.

I don’t want to hear it! Stop!

Look at little Mitsuuru-kun there. I bet his kidneys would tast delicious.

Kidneys are pretty good, especially if basted.

Deep fat fry. Deep fat fry.

Heeheeheeheeheeheehee.

Oh god that’s disgusting you’re disgusting I’d never I’d never you’re not me

Did I ever say I was you? That’s your assumption.

Of course, you’re just crazy, and that’s why I’m here. So I guess I must be you.

More importantly, take Yuuki-kun. Wouldn’t you just LOVE to open him up and find out what makes him work? I bet his organs all have sharp metal parts in them that keep them working.

Hey, hey, aren’t you curious now? You’d have to open him up to find out though.

Heeheeheeheeheeheehee.

No, no, Nagato is my friend, my saviour, stop this!

I’ve only just begun, my dear.

Look at Itsuko. Doesn’t she look concerned? Doesn’t that make you

SICK!?

She’s so much better looking than you. It’s the boobs. It’s just because of those huge cow tits. It’s why guys fall over her, and you get

NOTHING!

I don’t think like that, it’s not how I think, stop it stop it stop it!

Also below the sink is Mitsuuru-kun’s little sewing kit. (What a wuss).

As always, there’s a solution to your problems.

Cut off her big, fat breasts, and sew them to your own body!

You’ll be the envy of every girl in school, take it from me.

That’s

That’s disgusting! That’s so disgusting I can’t even begin to think of it! Get out of my head! I hate you! You’re sick! You’re gross! Get out of my head! Stop it!


Kyonko: STOP IT!


Everyone is looking at me with what my screwed-up brain sees as scared eyes.

How much of all that was I saying out loud I’ve got to get them out of here, got to got to before I do something like that voice just said to do they’ve got to get out of here.


Kyonko: I’d-I’d like to be alone, for a little while. Please, could you all just go…?

Mitsuuru: We’re not leaving you alone when you’re in that condition!

Itsuko: Hush.


She hands me the key that will lock the door.


Itsuko: We understand. We have your ribbon, so even if you get trapped on the other side, we’ll be with you. Remember to call us if that happens.

Kyonko: Right. I will.


You sure? This is your only chance to have boobs like hers.

*snrrrrrrrk*HAHAHAHAHAHA

Everyone files out of the room. Well, everyone but Asahina-senpai.

Oh good, a sacrifice.


Mitsuuru: Kyon-chan, I know you’re trying to put on a brave face, but… look, I know I’m useless, but… I can at least do this. You’re not feeling well, so, uh… will you at least let me walk you home?


Have him walk you home.

What a great idea.

The kid has such an obvious crush on you. Wouldn’t it be great to see the look on his face when you push him in the way of a moving truck?

No, no, shut up, leave me alone.

The wheel will go RIGHT over his pretty little head, making his eyeballs explode, shattering his skull, splattering his brains everywhere.

There’ll be blood. So much blood. Delicious blood.

And then, when all that’s left of his head is a pancake, you can peel it off the road and turn it into a mask.

Wear it. Put on that French maid uniform. No one will be able to tell the difference.

And when Haruki-kun orders you around, you can lift your skirt and go

SURPRISE!

Isn’t that such a great joke? It’s ironic, right? Right?

NYAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA


Kyonko: SHUT THE HELL UP!

Mitsuuru: Wh—I’m sorry, Kyon-chan, I didn’t mean to… I’ll just leave you alone for now.

And thus, I am left alone in the clubroom. All alone. Not even any voices in my head.

…It’s really true. I’ve lost my mind.

Please, let me wake up. I just want to wake up, right?

I’ll wake up and it’ll be September the First again. It’ll be normal. Well, as normal as it gets.

Please let me wake up. Please?


The universe doesn’t respond to my pleas.

I guess I’ll just go home. I probably won’t ripple over for long again today, if at all. I should be okay.

Unless I kill my father and brother in my sleep.

…No voice telling me I should do so. Good, good.

Good.


I head towards the door… and fall flat on my face.

…At my feet, there’s someone’s bag. It’s not mine, so…

Well, let’s check inside.

Let’s see… candy wrappers, chip bags… a bonnet… a few crumpled pieces of paper…a small notebook labelled “Master Plan! Top Secret!”… no schoolbooks whatsoever… and what appears to be a porn manga.

…Must be Haruki’s bag. Oaf.

I don’t know where his house is, and I don’t think I should come into contact with anyone right now anyway, so I’ll just dump this in his shoe locker and call it a day.

[IF RoutesClear >= 6 THEN]

So, which way should I go home.

[DECISION POINT HE RE]

1) The usual way.
2) I’ll go around instead. Less people to murder.


The Grass is Always Greener

See next update for this scene.

Yo, Nyoro

I figure I can go around the back of the Old Shack instead of going through the main part of the school, to avoid human contact.

The voice only seems to trigger when people talk to me, so if I avoid all contact with anyone it shouldn’t be bothering me again.

However, when I rounded the bottom of the stairs…


Voice: Yo, Kyon-chan! Been a while!


An arm grabs my shoulder and presses me into a chest that smells of cologne and, oddly, catnip.


Kyonko: …Tsuruya-senpai. Please let me go. I’m dangerous.

Tsuruya: What? Kyon-chan, dangerous? Ha, you’re too short ta be dangerous.


He lets go of me… but only to pat me on the head like I’m some child. Thanks, Tsuruya-senpai.


This is Tsuruya-senpai. He’s Asahina-senpai’s best friend, who I first met at Haruki’s crazy baseball game back in June. I’ve actually run into him a couple of times since then, and he always greets me with that tight, one-armed hug. I don’t appreciate being treated that way, Tsuruya-senpai.


Tsuruya: It’s fine, it’s fine. Seriously though, what’s this about ya being dangerous?


Odd. The voice hasn’t triggered yet.


Kyonko: You really want to know…?

Tsuruya: Of course! What’re friends for if not ta listen ta each other’s problems?

Kyonko: I have a voice in my head telling me to do horrible things to people.

Tsuruya: What, is that all? Why, I have that happen to me every Thursday. Perfectly normal.

Kyonko: …Are you serious?

Tsuruya: No, of course not. Anyway, Kyon-chan, I wouldn’t worry. Ya don’t have it in ya to kill anybody. It’s not like ya at all.


He pats me on the head again. Thanks for that.


Tsuruya: Aw hell, I gotta run. Well, it was nice talkin’ ta ya, Kyon-chan. Don’t kill anyone on the way out, yeah?

Kyonko: …Nice talking to you, too.


He heads off down the corridor, waving goodbye.

I guess that cheered me up, just a little.

Wait, damn! I was going to ask about his new girlfriend the next time I had the chance! Oh well, maybe next time.

…I wonder, though. He says I’m not a killer, but… but then, what’s with that voice…? What the hell could she be?

I ponder that question as I head around the school towards the shoe lockers.

Slight warning, I'm splitting The Grass is Always Greener into two parts, the second entitled "The Newborn" because it works better for my purposes that way.

Enjoy.

Creepy.

Eh, I guess sometime you should go for that "dark" feeling you are aiming. Everything was just too 'normal'

I don't know, I think it was too sudden. First time Kyon-chan hear the greentext and she is already wanting to kill people. Shouldn't be a litle more gradual?

Also the "I’m dangerous." and "telling me to do horrible things to people." is a kind 'narm'. I mean, trying to be serious be being a bit ridiculous.

Anyway, Tsuruya is awesome. Also, Poor Kyonko.

Another thing, the The Grass is Always Greener should appear on screen as green right? It should have the same effect ass the greentext? Also, I guess you said early that some words would always be green, no matter who says it. I should assume that that words use the same effects as well?

PP:
It was early today eh? It isn't even night where you live (contrasting to the 4am posts).

[Nanao-kun]

Originally Posted by Kaisos Erranon

I know nothing of fashion, either. And I don't want to make Itsuko stereotypically female, that's boring too.

Anyway, new writeup.

WARNING: DESCRIPTIVE IMAGERY. NOT TOO BAD THOUGH, I HOPE.

Spoiler for September the Fourth, Day 3, Universe A: Clubroom- Separation:

Separation


I just heard. A voice. In my head. Oh god.

That you did, dear. Why are you so surprised? It’s the first sign of madness, right?

Talking to your own head?

*snrrrrrrrk*HAHAHAHAHAHA

This is not happening this is not happening what the hell are you?

Don’t you know already?

I’m inside your brain.

Then get out of it!


Mitsuuru: Kyon-chan… are you alright?

Kyonko: Yes, yes, I’m fine! Hahaha, just fine.


No, you’re not.


Itsuko: …You don’t seem fine.

Kyonko: Sure I am! Of course I’m fine! Anyway, it’s getting late, so why don’t we all just head on home, haha…


Good idea. Send them all away.

After all, you’re crazy. You just might kill them all.

No, I wouldn’t. I wouldn’t do anything like that. I wouldn’t.

Really?

You wouldn’t?

I’ll tell you something nice.

Whatever it is I don’t want to hear it.

Over in the drawer below the sink. There’s a knife. A very sharp knife.

Just shut up. Stop talking to me.

With it.

You could murder them.

I wouldn’t!

And when you’re done. You could do things to the bodies.

I don’t want to hear it! Stop!

Look at little Mitsuuru-kun there. I bet his kidneys would tast delicious.

Kidneys are pretty good, especially if basted.

Deep fat fry. Deep fat fry.

Heeheeheeheeheeheehee.

Oh god that’s disgusting you’re disgusting I’d never I’d never you’re not me

Did I ever say I was you? That’s your assumption.

Of course, you’re just crazy, and that’s why I’m here. So I guess I must be you.

More importantly, take Yuuki-kun. Wouldn’t you just LOVE to open him up and find out what makes him work? I bet his organs all have sharp metal parts in them that keep them working.

Hey, hey, aren’t you curious now? You’d have to open him up to find out though.

Heeheeheeheeheeheehee.

No, no, Nagato is my friend, my saviour, stop this!

I’ve only just begun, my dear.

Look at Itsuko. Doesn’t she look concerned? Doesn’t that make you

SICK!?

She’s so much better looking than you. It’s the boobs. It’s just because of those huge cow tits. It’s why guys fall over her, and you get

NOTHING!

I don’t think like that, it’s not how I think, stop it stop it stop it!

Also below the sink is Mitsuuru-kun’s little sewing kit. (What a wuss).

As always, there’s a solution to your problems.

Cut off her big, fat breasts, and sew them to your own body!

You’ll be the envy of every girl in school, take it from me.

That’s

That’s disgusting! That’s so disgusting I can’t even begin to think of it! Get out of my head! I hate you! You’re sick! You’re gross! Get out of my head! Stop it!


Kyonko: STOP IT!


Everyone is looking at me with what my screwed-up brain sees as scared eyes.

How much of all that was I saying out loud I’ve got to get them out of here, got to got to before I do something like that voice just said to do they’ve got to get out of here.


Kyonko: I’d-I’d like to be alone, for a little while. Please, could you all just go…?

Mitsuuru: We’re not leaving you alone when you’re in that condition!

Itsuko: Hush.


She hands me the key that will lock the door.


Itsuko: We understand. We have your ribbon, so even if you get trapped on the other side, we’ll be with you. Remember to call us if that happens.

Kyonko: Right. I will.


You sure? This is your only chance to have boobs like hers.

*snrrrrrrrk*HAHAHAHAHAHA

Everyone files out of the room. Well, everyone but Asahina-senpai.

Oh good, a sacrifice.


Mitsuuru: Kyon-chan, I know you’re trying to put on a brave face, but… look, I know I’m useless, but… I can at least do this. You’re not feeling well, so, uh… will you at least let me walk you home?


Have him walk you home.

What a great idea.

The kid has such an obvious crush on you. Wouldn’t it be great to see the look on his face when you push him in the way of a moving truck?

No, no, shut up, leave me alone.

The wheel will go RIGHT over his pretty little head, making his eyeballs explode, shattering his skull, splattering his brains everywhere.

There’ll be blood. So much blood. Delicious blood.

And then, when all that’s left of his head is a pancake, you can peel it off the road and turn it into a mask.

Wear it. Put on that French maid uniform. No one will be able to tell the difference.

And when Haruki-kun orders you around, you can lift your skirt and go

SURPRISE!

Isn’t that such a great joke? It’s ironic, right? Right?

NYAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA


Kyonko: SHUT THE HELL UP!

Mitsuuru: Wh—I’m sorry, Kyon-chan, I didn’t mean to… I’ll just leave you alone for now.

And thus, I am left alone in the clubroom. All alone. Not even any voices in my head.

…It’s really true. I’ve lost my mind.

Please, let me wake up. I just want to wake up, right?

I’ll wake up and it’ll be September the First again. It’ll be normal. Well, as normal as it gets.

Please let me wake up. Please?


The universe doesn’t respond to my pleas.

I guess I’ll just go home. I probably won’t ripple over for long again today, if at all. I should be okay.

Unless I kill my father and brother in my sleep.

…No voice telling me I should do so. Good, good.

Good.


I head towards the door… and fall flat on my face.

…At my feet, there’s someone’s bag. It’s not mine, so…

Well, let’s check inside.

Let’s see… candy wrappers, chip bags… a bonnet… a few crumpled pieces of paper…a small notebook labelled “Master Plan! Top Secret!”… no schoolbooks whatsoever… and what appears to be a porn manga.

…Must be Haruki’s bag. Oaf.

I don’t know where his house is, and I don’t think I should come into contact with anyone right now anyway, so I’ll just dump this in his shoe locker and call it a day.

[IF RoutesClear >= 6 THEN]

So, which way should I go home.

[DECISION POINT HE RE]

1) The usual way.
2) I’ll go around instead. Less people to murder.


The Grass is Always Greener

See next update for this scene.

Yo, Nyoro

I figure I can go around the back of the Old Shack instead of going through the main part of the school, to avoid human contact.

The voice only seems to trigger when people talk to me, so if I avoid all contact with anyone it shouldn’t be bothering me again.

However, when I rounded the bottom of the stairs…


Voice: Yo, Kyon-chan! Been a while!


An arm grabs my shoulder and presses me into a chest that smells of cologne and, oddly, catnip.


Kyonko: …Tsuruya-senpai. Please let me go. I’m dangerous.

Tsuruya: What? Kyon-chan, dangerous? Ha, you’re too short ta be dangerous.


He lets go of me… but only to pat me on the head like I’m some child. Thanks, Tsuruya-senpai.


This is Tsuruya-senpai. He’s Asahina-senpai’s best friend, who I first met at Haruki’s crazy baseball game back in June. I’ve actually run into him a couple of times since then, and he always greets me with that tight, one-armed hug. I don’t appreciate being treated that way, Tsuruya-senpai.


Tsuruya: It’s fine, it’s fine. Seriously though, what’s this about ya being dangerous?


Odd. The voice hasn’t triggered yet.


Kyonko: You really want to know…?

Tsuruya: Of course! What’re friends for if not ta listen ta each other’s problems?

Kyonko: I have a voice in my head telling me to do horrible things to people.

Tsuruya: What, is that all? Why, I have that happen to me every Thursday. Perfectly normal.

Kyonko: …Are you serious?

Tsuruya: No, of course not. Anyway, Kyon-chan, I wouldn’t worry. Ya don’t have it in ya to kill anybody. It’s not like ya at all.


He pats me on the head again. Thanks for that.


Tsuruya: Aw hell, I gotta run. Well, it was nice talkin’ ta ya, Kyon-chan. Don’t kill anyone on the way out, yeah?

Kyonko: …Nice talking to you, too.


He heads off down the corridor, waving goodbye.

I guess that cheered me up, just a little.

Wait, damn! I was going to ask about his new girlfriend the next time I had the chance! Oh well, maybe next time.

…I wonder, though. He says I’m not a killer, but… but then, what’s with that voice…? What the hell could she be?

I ponder that question as I head around the school towards the shoe lockers.

Slight warning, I'm splitting The Grass is Always Greener into two parts, the second entitled "The Newborn" because it works better for my purposes that way.

Enjoy.

I loved this scene best out of all the scenes thus far. Ah~ I can imagine it now... Kyonko standing in the middle of the room, her body covered head to toe in the blood of those she had been so close to while the blood slowly and silently drips off the ends of her hair and the tips of her fingers... and at the same time, she's laughing... laughing without restraint, laughing without any to stop her, and no reason to stop... standing there with such a crazed and gleeful expression that gives one the feeling that she's reached nirvana... Ah~

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EDIT: Oops.

EDIT2: That should be a bad end.