2009-10-17, 18:19 | Link #17181 | |
Vividly Vivio
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Mentioning it would be bad enough, but if you actually plan on having her doing it for a few paragraphs while listening, then that would be something that even I (In all my lemon writing glory) would send through at least five beta readers before releasing. In fact, I'd consider that a challenge level operation. "do this without making it wrong/squick/ or perverted" Oh yeah as for limits here on AS, you can't post ( or link to) sexually explicit material. All my lemons have to be "Please PM me if you want the link" or link to my profile and then say what link to click on. Do not link to anything that' "lemon" material, it'll get the mod hammer. you can do tasteful lemon scented things, but stay away from details to make it AS safe. For example, I've gone as far as: heavily implying what's going on with panting, hand motions, ect, but I've never actually described it, nor "said" what they were doing. If it isn't too long, I'll help you with that in a PM. not teh entire story (as I don't have time) but I'll help you know if its AS safe or not. (or if its squick) EDIT: Page claim for exceedingly difficult scenes to write, and what we learn from failing at them XD (referance to my "love ties" fic if anyone missed it )
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2009-10-17, 18:42 | Link #17182 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Alberta, Canada
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On the note that Satashi just made, when I started posting here, I mentioned that I have no problem beta reading stuff for people. That includes stuff that might burn the mind's eye. "The only people who really know where the edge is are the ones who have gone over."
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2009-10-17, 19:16 | Link #17183 |
Worshipper of Nanoha...
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: In my imagination...
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Here is part 3 of 6 from 'Animal Instincts'.
Previous: Animal Instincts: Preface Animal Instincts: (1/6) Chapter 1: The Girl from the City Animal Instincts: (2/6) Chapter 1: The Girl from the City Spoiler for Part three of six (3/6) from 'Animal Instincts': Chapter 1:
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2009-10-17, 19:17 | Link #17184 |
Beta by Accident
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Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Maine
Age: 52
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Speaking of beta reading, I hereby post the revised Chapter 21 of Stahlkonigin, the one that prompted intense discussion on three separate points. Changes indicate:
1. Since, quite frankly, this is not a story in which the TSAB political structure is significant, I've changed the Jarentil backstory to a desire to form a world government to petition for TSAB membership and administered-world status. Hopefully Force will get into this topic a little more, but that's neither here nor there. 2. Heimdall weaponry adjusted since, well, I was simply wrong on an Arc-en-Ciel's specs (specifically firing range). It's no longer capable of OHKO-ing Cranagan, but I hope that it's still sufficiently scary. 3. One-sentence discussion of why scrying magic won't turn up the AMF "blank zone." 4. Slight change to the Nest's forward-firing weapon description to remove any implication that it was a mass weapon and at the same time removing the possible question as to why it would fire through the AMF. 5. As in the "final" of Chapter 18, I've completely omitted discussion of the question of deployment by teleport or other transportation magic instead of trying to handwave it, given the Great Teleportation Flame War that erupted last time. My opinion (as a writer, not as a fan) basically boils down to this: we didn't see them deploy by teleport during the series. We know that many mages (including Fate, Arf, and Yuuno) can teleport. Therefore either the writers aren't capable of keeping track of their own characters' abilities or there is some in-universe reason why everybody flies around in helicopters or on their own instead. While I suspect that the former is the actual answer (and let's face it, it's easier for dozens of different fans to chew something over and figure out unintended ramifications--the same reason why players in tabletop RPGs so often manage to subvert the GM's expectations), I prefer that the latter be considered the answer rather than think that Nanoha or Signum, for example, overlooked basic tactical concerns. 5a. As a side note--Yuuno teleports Arf away in one of the original season episodes (7, I think, or maybe 5?) and it's remarked that it'll take time for her to get back, allowing Nanoha and Fate to have their fight...but why can't Arf, herself a user of teleport magic, just pop right back? Sure, Yuuno might do something to keep her occupied at the far end, but Fate can't know that, and yet it's presented to the viewers as a foregone conclusion?? Spoiler for Stahlkonigin--Revised Ch. 21:
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2009-10-17, 19:34 | Link #17185 | ||
Beta by Accident
Author
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Maine
Age: 52
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Risking a double-post to keep comments about other people's fics/ideas separated from my own stuff. Here's hoping I get ninja'd!
[QUOTE=TheShinySword;2712114] I laughed out loud at “Somehow... I feel like I'm no longer fit for marriage.” My wife gave me an odd look. Quote:
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2009-10-17, 20:54 | Link #17188 | |
meow~ give me cookies~
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: cat cage, meow~
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... ... ... KYAAAAA!!!! *squeling fangirl* Chrono! Yunno! Sign my shirt!! *jumping* (^//////^) @ Shiny and Satashi: its really good, thank you sempai! |
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2009-10-17, 21:11 | Link #17189 | ||
Burst Mode
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How does that sound?
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2009-10-17, 21:14 | Link #17190 |
Goat Herder
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Join Date: Jun 2008
Age: 36
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Well, such a scene can't be any weirder than, say, Satashi's Please Teach Me. >________>
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2009-10-17, 21:23 | Link #17191 | ||
Vividly Vivio
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I really don't like the idea the more I think about it. Seriously stop and look at the reactions your getting. Its already "squick" without even being written yet. Spoiler for NSFW:
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(Besides, I think mine was tastefully done ) EDIT: *re-reads it* okay, it sucks. that should be deleted -.-
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2009-10-17, 21:24 | Link #17192 |
Test Drive
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Yeah, Raiser, I have to go with Satashi and Dezo on this... just the description of that scene is making me squirm, and not in a good kind of way. I don't think you should put it in if it's already having this kind of reaction and you didn't even write it out yet.
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2009-10-17, 21:37 | Link #17193 | ||
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
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That aside, this was another excellent update, I really like what you're doing with the setting and with the town people being so tsundere to Fate (yes, they're tsundere, because we know that people can really hate our kind Fate ^^). I can't wait for the next part~ Quote:
I'm sure that if you post it at fanfiction.net the readers will like it and if you post a proper summary lots of people will give it a try and enjoy of this nice piece of literature ^^ @00-Raiser: I agree with Satashi and the others, for me the idea is disgusting. Also, it would be better if you use Nanoha and Fate instead of suggesting an alternate couple/family for not plot purposes, I think that would actually work well, I can see a lot of potential using that kind of plot line. Also, I can really see Vivio falling for her Fate-mama xD It's not like anyone can resist her charm, but I suppose people won't try anything with Fate because they don't want to provoke the Wrath of the White Devil xD That's too dangerous, but if she's their daughter she can actually have some real survival chances ^^ Cuídense y sigan sonriendo |
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2009-10-17, 21:41 | Link #17194 | |
does whatever he wants.
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Atop a hill of words.
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...am I allowed to say that this development, unless done under severe build-up conditions of angst and bad ends, is just not good plot handling? Especially when It's A Family Affair, this Renketsu Houshiki (Art of Coupling) just doesn't do it for me...I'd be shifting in my seat less if it was a love triangle going School Days-bad, but even then you need a build-up to the scene- -because it's either one of simply abject moral despair, or a plain old fashioned fapfest, and that's considering it's done right in either one of the extreme intentions. Do it wrong, however, and it becomes neither: it becomes something of a 'meh, so that's it' issue, which is in itself the most tragic outcome. So my thumb's down too on this matter. |
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2009-10-17, 21:47 | Link #17196 |
Master of the Shiny Crack
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To 00-Raiser:
I've seen masturbation used to show guilt and despair done well once but that didn't have creepy incestial overtones. The idea itself isn't bad but the fact that it's HER PARENTS HAVING SEX, which is an incredibly traumatizing thing for pretty much any child ever, is what makes it utterly disturbing. otherwise you've just got creepy smut that loses it's intention in the over all ick. The idea in general is creepy as hell and I won't be touching it with a ten foot pole but that aside I'm with the rest on the drop the scene and figure out something else to do with it. |
2009-10-17, 21:47 | Link #17197 |
Burst Mode
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Well, I do have most of the fic written out already, actually.
But the main idea here is that to Vivio, Yuuno was 'the guy I'm in love with' before he was her father. It's making that adjustment that's causing her grief. The idea of the scene wasn't smut for smut's sake, at least. Hearing the person you're in love with having sex in the next room, I considered what would be a natural reaction. I understand the discomfort though, so I'll take your advice and remove it.
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authorshipping, befriending, fanfiction, interactive fanfiction, nanoha |
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