Turn-offs?

[Kusa-San]

Originally Posted by Narona

I see

That's why I think it's important to know someone very well before taking the next step in a relationship.

That's true but i think we mustn't wait too much times too because if you wait too much times the person that you love will, in the end, maybe go with another person. I think It's difficult here to find the right answer and it's a risk you need to take (in one way or in another )because, sometimes, in the life without risk you can't move forward.

You know you can also find some men who will say "don't talk to me about babies or I will leave you"

But it's really sad I think having a child is a wonderful thing and the best and the most magnificient way to leave a trace of you when you will die

Then my parents would somewhat not fit the bill (it differs because my mom is not from the country) Sometimes you can't help yourself when you fall in love. My mom is not French, she's Slovak. I'm lazy about explaining how they met again, but they are still together, in love, and happy (as always I hope to not bring misfortune upon them by saying that )

As I already said to you, your parent story is really beautiful. It's a Disney movie

Personnaly, my parent meet each other in high school when they were 16 years old and since that time they are together (now they're around 60 ! ) . My mother even leave a great college just to be with my father

[Yushi]

Originally Posted by Yukinokesshou

Okay, I respect your opinion . "I don't want kids" isn't an extreme statement. However, "I don't want kids, ever, and I'm turned off by people who like kids" is somewhat extreme. Just my personal view... don't take it to heart .

[Edit] Also, I guess it's somewhat natural for "negative statements" to be perceived as more extreme than "positive statements". To turn the tables on you, I think you'd consider "I don't like dogs" to be somewhat more extreme, relatively speaking, than "I like dogs".

I think "I don't want kids ever" would equal to "I want kids". Because "I dont' want kids right now" = will have kids XD
Hmm well I'm not turned off by people who like kids, I'm just turned off if they are super baby crazy. You know, must stop by every baby and coo over them, talk about kids all the time ...etc.
It's like if you don't like dogs and your partner stops by every dog to play with the dog and talks about how they want a dog all the time.

I also dislike people who criticize those who want a baby. I dislike anyone who won't respect the life choices of others. I chose not to have kids. They chose to have kids. Simple as not. Nobody's attacking anyone's choice by making that decision. They are just following their heart. =)
Some people feel like having a child is the best thing in the world, some people think having a hamster is the best thing in the world. It's all a matter of taste, and preference on how we want to live our lives.

It's fine if people don't understand why I don't want kids or if I don't understand why they want kids. All we need to understand is that that is our decision and we respect it. And that's all there is =) You don't have to agree, just accept is good enough for me.

[danin8r44]

I don't think getting turned off by people who want kids is a bad thing at all. Persecuting people who want kids is a whole different matter though.
Wanting kids and not wanting kids are two extremely different life choice, its like not wanting to date someone from a different religion if you are very religious. Having a long term relationship not wanting kids with someone who wants kids is just a great way to start a big conflict.

[Yukinokesshou]

Originally Posted by Yushi

I dislike anyone who won't respect the life choices of others. [...] You don't have to agree, just accept is good enough for me.

I have to say I fully agree with you

Originally Posted by danin8r44

Having a long term relationship not wanting kids with someone who wants kids is just a great way to start a big conflict.

... And you too.

[Mystique]

Originally Posted by Yushi

I am just curious, would you consider someone saying "I want kids" as an extreme statement too?

Notice how I didn't mention that, nor offered my opinion to the kids issue cause as we've seen, this topics kinda gone waaaaaaaaaaay off topic again.

"I don't want kids"
I'd consider it weird and would want to know the reasons why, when so many women suffer with miscarriages, infertility and spend thousands just to have a child.
What I considered extreme wasn't his opinion, everyone is entitled to it.
It was his opinion of how he judges others because they don't like animals.

If i have to use the kid example then:

"I don't want kids and everyone who does are nothing more than brainwashed lemmings who can't think for themselves."
Something like that....

But as danin said (in an attempt to put this back on track)
Meeting someone who finds it as a turn off, isn't bad. As a woman though, I would however definitely take into account:
- Their age
- Their status (single, divorced etc)
- Their stage in life/career
- Their gender

... Before fully believing them.
Life has too many unforseen events that'll hit us so hard that we're left spinning.
Sometimes the preference of raising a family (or other turn off's) changes among them over time...

[Yukinokesshou]

Originally Posted by Xvoki

Turn offs... People you who go off topic.

Originally Posted by Mystique

... cause as we've seen, this topics kinda gone waaaaaaaaaaay off topic again.

Off topic?! God, if some of you had your way, this entire thread would merely list turn-offs, without any discussion about them whatsoever -___-.

I think we're very much on topic. The discussion on food... okay, I'll admit that we veered off a bit into Chinese cuisine, Vietnamese recipes, etc. But THIS discussion now is very relevant, isn't it? Why are we talking about having kids and whatnot? Because that decision is a very important factor in relationships and, by implication, figures heavily in choosing a partner for your relationship. That's how it ties into turn-offs and turn-ons.

Off topic, off topic, go to Yahoo Answers or somewhere like that if you just want questions, answers and lists. We're having a good discussion here. If someone wants to add to the list of turn-offs and broaden the scope of our discussion, he/she is more than welcome to do so. And we'll be sure to discuss those turn-offs, over-analyse them, turn them around and tear them apart. That's the fun of a discussion.

[Edit re Kusa-San below] Haha, thanks for the support . Just wanted to clarify, however, that whilst Xvoki's post was spam, Mystique's was certainly not. I quoted and replied to just one line from her otherwise valuable post.

[Kusa-San]

Originally Posted by Yushi

I also dislike people who criticize those who want a baby. I dislike anyone who won't respect the life choices of others. I chose not to have kids. They chose to have kids. Simple as not. Nobody's attacking anyone's choice by making that decision. They are just following their heart. =)

Agreed. Respect and tolerance are two important thing i think But sadly, these days, there is more and more people who don't understand that...

Some people feel like having a child is the best thing in the world, some people think having a hamster is the best thing in the world. It's all a matter of taste, and preference on how we want to live our lives.

Well honnestly i find a bit strange to say that having a hamster is the best thing in the world But it's your choice after all ^^

It's fine if people don't understand why I don't want kids or if I don't understand why they want kids. All we need to understand is that that is our decision and we respect it. And that's all there is =) You don't have to agree, just accept is good enough for me.

Well said

Originally Posted by Yukinokesshou

... cause as we've seen, this topics kinda gone waaaaaaaaaaay off topic again.
Off topic?! God, if some of you had your way, this entire thread would merely list turn-offs, without any discussion about them whatsoever -___-.

I think we're very much on topic. The discussion on food... okay, I'll admit that we veered off a bit into Chinese cuisine, Vietnamese recipes, etc. But THIS discussion now is very relevant, isn't it? Why are we talking about having kids and whatnot? Because that decision is a very important factor in relationships and, by implication, figures heavily in choosing a partner for your relationship. That's how it ties into turn-offs and turn-ons.

I totally agree with you too. It's not really an off topic and it's funny to see someone said "off topic" because his message is in fact more off topic than our. It's just spam.

[Throne Invader]

Originally Posted by Kusa-San

That's true but i think we mustn't wait too much times too because if you wait too much times the person that you love will, in the end, maybe go with another person. I think It's difficult here to find the right answer and it's a risk you need to take (in one way or in another )because, sometimes, in the life without risk you can't move forward.

Well...that's true love . It's up to both parties how they'd handle the waiting. There has to be devotion. If a guy truly loves a girl, even 7 years will seem short. It's just like you said in your last statement. The guy will have to risk lots of time if he wants to get the girl.

[Narona]

Originally Posted by Yukinokesshou

That's sweet . Well, as I said, it's all subjective. Personally, I wouldn't mind so much someone from a different country or culture. Education and upbringing (which relate, unfortunately, to social class) play a far more prominent role in how I unconsciously choose my friends. I get along very well with Eastern Europeans who come from backgrounds similar to mine. On the other hand, I find conversations with people from provincial China to be rather uncomfortable despite the fact that we ostensibly share the same language and culture. It doesn't help that some of them can be rather arrogant and nationalistic as well as ignorant.

I have no experience in love relationship, so I am not really well placed to criticize people. But I think talking about my parents was revelant to the discussion. For most people, it would look like an impossible relationship (look at Kusa-san's reply. It's not the first time that people say to me or to my parents that their relationship is like some kind of fairytale.......................)

I don't say that there are a lot of couples like them or that that kind of couples is better than the conventional ones, but fact is, I have great parents from my point of view, still together and still in love, in a country (france) with a lot of divorces and splitted families (while said couples for the most had PERFECT bases compared to how my parents met).

Originally Posted by Kusa-San

That's true but i think we mustn't wait too much times too because if you wait too much times the person that you love will, in the end, maybe go with another person. I think It's difficult here to find the right answer and it's a risk you need to take (in one way or in another )because, sometimes, in the life without risk you can't move forward.

uh? What are you talking about. I was talking about marriage, making babies and such (I add having sex on my "personal" list, I would not like to have sex with someone I don't know very well.).

For example, some people marry another person after a few months (yes, Kusa, it happens in our country) and then discover that they have a complete opposite view on some things (example: children).

But it's really sad I think having a child is a wonderful thing and the best and the most magnificient way to leave a trace of you when you will die

It's sad from your point of view. From another person point of view, it's not sad at all because they are not fond of children like you are.If a couple is happy without kids, I don't think we have any right to criticize them.

[Kusa-San]

Originally Posted by Narona

uh? What are you talking about. I was talking about marriage, making babies and such (I add having sex on my "personal" list, I would not like to have sex with someone I don't know very well.).

For example, some people marry another person after a few months (yes, Kusa, it happens in our country) and then discover that they have a complete opposite view on some things (example: children).

Uh sorry but it's me who have to said "Uh O_o" not you You reply to my post and me i was talking about turn off and all >_>

It's sad from your point of view. From another person point of view, it's not sad at all because they are not fond of children like you are.If a couple is happy without kids, I don't think we have any right to criticize them.

Well yes, that's why i said i think. And yes it's my point of view ? I really don't understand your two reply to me here :/

And sorry but i never said that it was an impossible story. I said it's a really beautiful story. Don't make me say what i don't say

Originally Posted by AmoreDoll

Well...that's true love . It's up to both parties how they'd handle the waiting. There has to be devotion. If a guy truly loves a girl, even 7 years will seem short. It's just like you said in your last statement. The guy will have to risk lots of time if he wants to get the girl.

True but as i said, if you wait too much maybe the other one we'll go see another girl/guy because he/she think that you don't like him/her. There is no best solution here. There is good thing and bad thing in both case but in both of them you take a risk and it's normal because we're human

[Narona]

Originally Posted by Kusa-San

Uh sorry but it's me who have to said "Uh O_o" not you You reply to my post and me i was talking about turn off and all >_>

I should have added some smiley You do think I sounded Harsh, right? It's not the case

For my first reply, it's somewhat linked to what you said at the beginning. keep in mind that it happens that two persons take the next step in a relationship without taking the time to know each other very well. Since we talked a lot about that, imagine that you're dating a girl. That you ask her in fiançailles, and then discover that she doesn't care at all about the Earth/environmentalism. I am sure that you would not be happy at all

Well yes, that's why i said i think. And yes it's my point of view ? I really don't understand your two reply to me here :/

Because it's a debate on which people can think we might generalize, so it's better to write, I think, that it is your personal opinion Or maybe you meant "it's sad that some people criticize harshly each other"? If that's that, I agree with you

And sorry but i never said that it was an impossible story. I said it's a really beautiful story. Don't make me say what i don't say

I didn't say that about you. I said, when I quoted you, that it is not the first time that a person said to me it looks like a fairytale (saying "like a disney movie" is the same )

[Throne Invader]

Originally Posted by Kusa-San

True but as i said, if you wait too much maybe the other one we'll go see another girl/guy because he/she think that you don't like him/her. There is no best solution here. There is good thing and bad thing in both case but in both of them you take a risk and it's normal because we're human

Then that's not true love When it comes to manners concerning love, it has to be serious. If the person just expects love to take him/her easy, then he/she is certainly not ready for that kind of relationship.

[Kusa-San]

Originally Posted by Narona

I should have added some smiley You do think I sounded Harsh, right? It's not the case

Yes Bjut it's alright then. Don't forget smiley, it's important because it shows your feeling ^^

For my first reply, it's somewhat linked to what you said at the beginning. keep in mind that it happens that two persons take the next step in a relationship without taking the time to know each other very well. Since we talked a lot about that, imagine that you're dating a girl. That you ask her in fiançailles, and then discover that she doesn't care at all about the Earth/environmentalism. I am sure that you would not be happy at all

Ah yes, i won't be happy at all. I understand then and i agree. And i think you need to take time to do that. But for me, it's more common to do thing like this :

Take your time to know the girl (1 years for example), then asked her out and then a few month later ask her to be your wife. For me, the step where you need to know better the person is the first one and i find a bit strange to not know well your girlfriend when you ask her to be your wife

Because it's a debate on which people can think we might generalize, so it's better to write, I think, that it is your personal opinion Or maybe you meant "it's sad that some people criticize harshly each other"? If that's that, I agree with you

Well i think it's sad too but what i mean is that i find sad that some people don't want a baby. But yes it's my personnal view ^^

I didn't say that about you. I said, when I quoted you, that it is not the first time that a person said to me it looks like a fairytale (saying "like a disney movie" is the same )

Yep but it's not because it's a fairytale that it's impossible and all ^^

Then that's not true love When it comes to manners concerning love, it has to be serious. If the person just expects love to take him/her easy, then he/she is certainly not ready for that kind of relationship.

Hum i'm not sure what you mean here. But you know if the person think you don't like him then he will go see another one not because he don't like you but because he think that he has no chance.

[Throne Invader]

Originally Posted by Kusa-San

Hum i'm not sure what you mean here. But you know if the person think you don't like him then he will go see another one not because he don't like you but because he think that he has no chance.

The person will always have a choice. Whether to continue to pursue or give up. It doesn't necessarily mean the guy/girl will have to find another person.

[Yukinokesshou]

Originally Posted by Narona

I have no experience in love relationship, so I am not really well placed to criticize people. But I think talking about my parents was revelant to the discussion. For most people, it would look like an impossible relationship (look at Kusa-san's reply. It's not the first time that people say to me or to my parents that their relationship is like some kind of fairytale......................

Yay, thanks for the story. I was going to ask you about it over PM but you gave me what I wanted . And about not having experience in a love relationship, I guess that would apply to me as well. I'd be happy if a fairy tale story like that were to happen to me. However, I have yet to be so fortunate, so I was speaking from my experience with non-romantic relationships.

I'm starting to think that "turn-offs" probably figure a lot more heavily in non-romantic than in romantic relationships. At the end of the day, if you truly love someone, love can overcome any number of "turn-offs" which are essentially nothing more than preconceived attitudes.

[Kusa-San]

Originally Posted by Yukinokesshou

I'm starting to think that "turn-offs" probably figure a lot more heavily in non-romantic than in romantic relationships. At the end of the day, if you truly love someone, love can overcome any number of "turn-offs" which are essentially nothing more than preconceived attitudes.

Not sure what you mean here. I think if you are someone romantic you will give more turn off than someone no-romantic because you consider that a relationship with someone is something very important and is not a hobby. So your criterion are more large. For me my turn off are important, I will not marry a woman that doesn't care at all about environnement or only care about her physical.

[Nosauz]

Originally Posted by Kusa-San

Not sure what you mean here. I think if you are someone romantic you will give more turn off than someone no-romantic because you consider that a relationship with someone is something very important and is not a hobby. So your criterion are more large. For me my turn off are important, I will not marry a woman that doesn't care at all about environnement or only care about her physical.

What Yukinokesshou means is that loving someone is a lot different than being just friends. If the person is a potential 'the soul mate" or "the one" or just someone you really really like, then you can sometimes overcome your own prejudices and ignore/live with those "flaws." This pretty prevalent in married couples or long term relationships in the stereotype that women always want to change men, the idea that women will take a man that isn't ideal or doesn't meet their exacting standards in a sense because they feel there is possibilty that they can change him down the road. Plus turn-offs vary in degree of turn-offability (excuse the made up word) some are deal breakers and some are just pet peeves that really are just shallow misconceptions or stereotypes that people fall into. Like an example would be not wanting kids would be a deal breaker, while curly hair would just be something that isn't your favorite, does it mean that you won't fall in love with a person with curly hair, no, its just not likely because they don't meet your "criteria."

Quick disclaimer, in no way or form do I oppose homosexuality, just getting that out there just in case theres a misunderstanding, what you do or choose to love is your business not mine. Any way most gays say that homosexuality is not a choice, you just grow up loving men/women instead or the opposite sex, this pretty much applies to turn-offs, you don't control what makes you want to spend the rest of your life with one other person, or else the popular culture conception that nerds would never be in relationships unless they were with other nerds would be true. In most cases people end up getting together with people who don't fit all their bill of what they consider is a perfect partner, and sometimes they are exact dichotomies of what they like, but it doesn't change the fact that through courtship, many of these turn-offs can be overcome if the turn-offs are based on appearance, habits, or generally things that don't pertain to life style decisions like kids.

[Narona]

Originally Posted by Yukinokesshou

Yay, thanks for the story. I was going to ask you about it over PM but you gave me what I wanted . And about not having experience in a love relationship, I guess that would apply to me as well. I'd be happy if a fairy tale story like that were to happen to me. However, I have yet to be so fortunate, so I was speaking from my experience with non-romantic relationships.

I'm starting to think that "turn-offs" probably figure a lot more heavily in non-romantic than in romantic relationships. At the end of the day, if you truly love someone, love can overcome any number of "turn-offs" which are essentially nothing more than preconceived attitudes.

When it comes to friendship, I guess people are less annoyed by possible turn-offs. I mean, as I already said on animesuki, I have a friend who smokes cigarettes. I dislike it, so he tries to not do it in front of me. But we don't talk much abou it. I mean, it can't be as annoying as living as a couple with somebody who smokes, in the same house. So yes, there is a difference between love relationship, and friendship.

Probably..., but it's not all true. There's some Turn-offs that you can't overcome, or not easily. A man who not wants any kids (or not desire it and would do it just to please me) is for example, a complete Turn-off for me. I would not be able to overcome that.

Originally Posted by Nosauz

What Yukinokesshou means is that loving someone is a lot different than being just friends. If the person is a potential 'the soul mate" or "the one" or just someone you really really like, then you can sometimes overcome your own prejudices and ignore/live with those "flaws." This pretty prevalent in married couples or long term relationships in the stereotype that women always want to change men, the idea that women will take a man that isn't ideal or doesn't meet their exacting standards in a sense because they feel there is possibilty that they can change him down the road. Plus turn-offs vary in degree of turn-offability (excuse the made up word) some are deal breakers and some are just pet peeves that really are just shallow misconceptions or stereotypes that people fall into. Like an example would be not wanting kids would be a deal breaker, while curly hair would just be something that isn't your favorite, does it mean that you won't fall in love with a person with curly hair, no, its just not likely because they don't meet your "criteria."

Quick disclaimer, in no way or form do I oppose homosexuality, just getting that out there just in case theres a misunderstanding, what you do or choose to love is your business not mine. Any way most gays say that homosexuality is not a choice, you just grow up loving men/women instead or the opposite sex, this pretty much applies to turn-offs, you don't control what makes you want to spend the rest of your life with one other person, or else the popular culture conception that nerds would never be in relationships unless they were with other nerds would be true. In most cases people end up getting together with people who don't fit all their bill of what they consider is a perfect partner, and sometimes they are exact dichotomies of what they like, but it doesn't change the fact that through courtship, many of these turn-offs can be overcome if the turn-offs are based on appearance, habits, or generally things that don't pertain to life style decisions like kids.

First part of your post = yes, it's somewhat true, minus a thing. There are a LOT of men here who try to change their GF So the stereotype that it is aonly true for women is false!

Second part of your post = I guess that when you're young, it's a dream to find the perfect partner, but in most cases, it ends up like you said, people choose someone who doesn't exactly fit their bill. But I think that somebody who date a person that he/she doesn't really really love, creates a couple that has less chance to last long/forever. And I know people who are in couple just to not be alone, and for some, because they also want a family. Is it true love in this case? I tend to think not.

Anyway, I hear sometimes amon people of my age, that finding the "(near) perfect" partner is not possible ; and I think it's not true, it's just very, very rare (desesperatly rare)... I know it's possible because of my parents (I am annoying about talking about them so much, i Know ), and another couple of my generation that I know. Even if it doesn't happen to me, I wish and hope that it will continue to happen to at least a few people in this world.

Also, one very bad thing, I think, would be to be in love with someone who's perfect for you, while this someone doesn't love you romantically, or is already in couple. Because it's hard to find someone who's quite perfect for you, but it doesn't mean that this person will like you too, and that you'll be perfect for him/her.

For the lulz, we should make a thread about what would be the perfect woman/man for each member /joking

Well, I have to go, I will not be really present for two weeks because of easter holidays. Happy easter to everyone. So I will reply in a few days or after my holidays

[Kusa-San]

Originally Posted by Nosauz

What Yukinokesshou means is that loving someone is a lot different than being just friends. If the person is a potential 'the soul mate" or "the one" or just someone you really really like, then you can sometimes overcome your own prejudices and ignore/live with those "flaws." This pretty prevalent in married couples or long term relationships in the stereotype that women always want to change men, the idea that women will take a man that isn't ideal or doesn't meet their exacting standards in a sense because they feel there is possibilty that they can change him down the road. Plus turn-offs vary in degree of turn-offability (excuse the made up word) some are deal breakers and some are just pet peeves that really are just shallow misconceptions or stereotypes that people fall into. Like an example would be not wanting kids would be a deal breaker, while curly hair would just be something that isn't your favorite, does it mean that you won't fall in love with a person with curly hair, no, its just not likely because they don't meet your "criteria."

I understand what you mean and like you said I think it depends of the turn off. But my turn off are very important to me. And I precise that some of them are turn off but in a period of times. That's why I won't marry a woman who are in one of my turn off criterion.

Originally Posted by Narona

Probably..., but it's not all true. There's some Turn-offs that you can't overcome, or not easily. A man who not wants any kids (or not desire it and would do it just to please me) is for example, a complete Turn-off for me. I would not be able to overcome that.

Yep exactly what I mean. Some turn off are very important.

Second part of your post = I guess that when you're young, it's a dream to find the perfect partner, but in most cases, it ends up like you said, people choose someone who doesn't exactly fit their bill. But I think that somebody who date a person that he/she doesn't really really love, creates a couple that has less chance to last long/forever. And I know people who are in couple just to not be alone, and for some, because they also want a family. Is it true love in this case? I tend to think not.

It make me remember a girl that I know. She told me that she want a BF just to not be alone. I really don't understand this kind of behavior :/ I think it's better to be alone than being with someone that you don't really love.

Anyway, I hear sometimes amon people of my age, that finding the "(near) perfect" partner is not possible ; and I think it's not true, it's just very, very rare (desesperatly rare)... I know it's possible because of my parents (I am annoying about talking about them so much, i Know ), and another couple of my generation that I know. Even if it doesn't happen to me, I wish and hope that it will continue to happen to at least a few people in this world.

I don't agree. I really believe that it's possible to find the one for you but you need to be patient. I really believe in this kind of love And same here, I wish for all of you to find the right one ^^

Well, I have to go, I will not be really present for two weeks because of easter holidays. Happy easter to everyone. So I will reply in a few days or after my holidays

Happy Easter to you too (yes i know I already told you )

[Nosauz]

The idea of true love and soul mates is a crock and websites like eharmony, and matchmaker bill out that if you widen your search you will find the perfect one for you, you know what, all lot of great marriages came out of convenience, the fact that your best friend all along was the one for you, even though you initially didn't look at that person as "the one." Love is not a science and hence finding just one person that perfectly compliments you is just not possible, in a world filled with billions, and a potential amount of suitors teaming at the millions, there is just no logical or physical way to actually meet all potential mates and figure out if whether or not their soulmates. Even though my idea of love is far from what many would consider romantic, I'm actually a bleeding heart romantic who believes in love, its just the fact that the perfect someone for you is not perfect the moment you meet. The whole concept of marriage is so important to love, eventhough marriage is not a requirement, but marriage vows really hammer home the idea that love isn't just about the good times, its about the bad too, and not being able to accept someone for who they are will in the end never result in a good relationship. The point is your knight/princess, will never be as pure or shining as you imagined but it doesn't make them less of a knight or a princess.