Nanoha FanFiction Discussion

[Nya~n]

the way you call your car your babe.

[deathcurse]

Originally Posted by Tabasco

I wondered about that, actually. How in heaven's name do you give an AI gender besides the voice?

The AI is sentient, it can self-identify its own gender.

[synaesthetic]

In my fic, Asclepius has a very deep voice. Think James Earl Jones as Darth Vader sort of deep and resonant.

Tizona's voice isn't deep, but clearer and very precise. Plus he doesn't speak in broken English like most of the Devices do, since he's got the same type of AI core (modified of course) as a Unison Device, but lacks the Linker Core.

[Moczo]

Originally Posted by Tabasco

I wondered about that, actually. How in heaven's name do you give an AI gender besides the voice?

Originally Posted by deathcurse

The AI is sentient, it can self-identify its own gender.

This brings up the potentially entertaining notion of a device that sounds like Shaft or something fervently insisting it is a pretty princess... I may have to use that at some point.

[TheShinySword]

Originally Posted by Moczo

This brings up the potentially entertaining notion of a device that sounds like Shaft or something fervently insisting it is a pretty princess... I may have to use that at some point.

<_< That joke would fall a little flat in text format. That's really a spoken gag.

[RadiantBeam]

Originally Posted by Tabasco

I wondered about that, actually. How in heaven's name do you give an AI gender besides the voice?

What DC said. And besides, there are already so many females in the Nanoha franchise, why not introduce some more guys into it? Even if they're only AI guys...

[NorthernFallout]

Cross-post. Continuing from the Wallachia Chronicles, Blood Angel Arc - Prologue; Depths of Isolation.
-------------------------------------------------

"They said they would conquer the stars.
And so they did.
They said they would conquer dimensions.
And so they did.
They said they would conquer the knowledge of the universe.
And so they did.
There was only one thing they couldn't conquer.
Hell."

The Fallen Angel Prophecy

Spoiler for 1: The Demons Are Her:

Deep inside the depths of Archangel, beneath the layer of established pecking order and impenetrable security net, a domain of lawless space existed for the benefit of the Warden. It was here that those who broke the rules ended up, to be disciplined and destroyed.

A disarrayed order of rooms filled this domain, which had come to be known as Section T. Only whispers and rumors were heard about this hidden domain. Stories of torture and utter despair, told with disgust and a drowning fear from those who still had even the faintest of memories of their own experience there. The mention of Terror itself was a bane for their existence and sanity.

It was through these cramped, endless corridors that Wallachia was being hauled in the morning eclipse of space. Her sleep had been interrupted by the mechanized guardians of Archangel, the Naras; millions of small, nightmarish metallic spiders controlled by a central A.I, each equipped with its own neurotoxin. It was this very poison that now rushed through her veins, denying her control of her own limbs. Several times she had been carried through these corridors by the Naras' tickling, disgusting, legs in this state, but it had been a long time since the last visit. Idly, she wondered why.

A gate flung open, ramming its steel against the walls of the small white room, with two guards standing at attention inside. As the Naras brought her inside, the guards observed her with pity and anger. One of them wore a glare that spoke about friends lost to her mercy. He tapped his fingers in anticipation on the magical rifle strapped to his shoulder.

The Naras melted into a great, seamless hand and supported her body until it was upright, with her arms stretched out into the air, her body dangling free. Mechanical binds erupted from the walls and grabbed hold of her wrists and ankles. The Naras detached, slithering down her body in a solid wave of silver, and disappeared into microscopic holes in the walls.

The neurotoxin's duration in her bloodstream was exact. As soon as the Naras had left the room, Wallachia's dull mind and paralyzed limbs began to return to their former sharpness in a slow pulse of awareness. An eerie silence, only crowded by the heavy, excited breathing of the guards, welcomed her as she surveyed the room enclosing her being.

Not the slightest detail had changed since her last visit. The walls were still smooth, white as snow, devoid of stains. It was such a clinical space, indicating nothing of its intended purpose. It had always been so different from her former home, she thought.

She cast a glance at the binds preventing her to move. A sigh escaped her lungs, one of boredom. Even the crucifixion had been done in the same old way as in her previous visits. If there was something the staff lacked, she mused, it was creativity.

"So this is Bloody Seven," one of the guards said and regarded her with interest. "And she did all that?"

"Yep, she sure did. It's not like I can forget." The guard who had on her entrance regarded her with greater hostility and anger sighed. "You know what ticks me off the most? I'm not allowed to lay a fucking finger on her, unless she does something hostile. It's retarded, I tell you."

"But wasn't she punished for what she did?"

Wallachia stared at them, switching between the two.

"She sure was, but by the administration. I didn't get my share of fun."

"That sucks, man." He looked at the room they were in, searching for something. "Is this room being observed as we speak?"

"Yeah. Trust me, I tried to find a way, but..."

The door opened again, interrupting him, and another man arrived at the room, dressed in a labcoat and carrying a black, antique suitcase.

"You two, step back and be alert," he immediately said upon entering. The authority almost shone from him.

The guards grunted and, with some reluctance, did as they were told. The man in the labcoat put down the suitcase onto a small table and with a fast flick of his hands, the suitcase's locks opened and revealed its contents.

"It's a pleasure to see you again, Seven. It's been quite a while."

Wallachia smiled as she remembered the name of the face in front of her. "Hammond, right? Thought I'd recognize such a pathetic face."

"Still as eager to tease, eh?" He retrieved a syringe from the suitcase and tapped it with a finger. "You'll be given something special today. A real treat for being such a nice and obedient girl, courtesy of the Warden. And myself, of course."

"Of course. I must say, the Warden really treats me well."

"Is that sarcasm I hear or are you actually being honest?" He laughed and turned to face her. A grin had spread across his face as he spoke. "Look at this syringe. Inside, it's a marvel of advanced combinations of chemicals. It's been worked on for months now and you, my dear Seven, will be the first to try it. I've put my own sweat and blood into this wonderful substance, and I'm excited to see how it will work."

"To be honest, Hammond, I doubt it will work," Wallachia retorted with a sarcastic smile. "Just take a good look at yourself and realize; you are worthless. You're just a pawn that the Warden will discard whenever he wants. Although frankly, that would be a fitting end for your career. You haven't exactly succeeded in the science department."

The corner of Hammond's mouth twitched as he stepped closer, but he didn't give in for the insult. "We'll see. We'll see."

He pinched her skin on her left arm with two fingers and slowly inserted the red hot needle through the bulge between his fingers, a trickle of blood appearing at the point. It stung as it usually did, but Wallachia was used to it. Only a swift blink of her eyes gave away the discomfort.

"Now... This is where I can finally see the fulfilment of my creation," Hammond whispered and pushed the plunger with deliberate slowness.

A few seconds passed. She could feel the fluid slip through her veins and disappear without a reaction. Hammond was grinning in front of her, almost rubbing his hands together in excitement. She sneered at him in defiance.

"It won't work, Hammond. I'm too strong for you. Why won't you realize that?"

Her throat suddenly contracted, no longer able to spout more insults at the grinning scientist. A pounding cramp conquered every muscle in her body. Her back straightened itself and it felt as if her chest was going to explode. Her blood started to rush in an insane storm, her heart barely keeping up with the flow.

Explosions erupted inside her head, a deafening booming eachoing the collapse of her mind. The drug took a hold of every cell in her body, turning them all inside out, as a piercing pressure began to build at the front of her head, threatening to rip her skull open.

She wanted to scream from the intolerable pain. She wanted to yell her throat dry, as the drug raped her being. Yet, her body refused to obey her tormented pleas. It kept on living, through the insane chaos of torture that made one wish for a quick end. An escape from the darkness that had now enveloped her.

Images of past events flashed past in her distorted mind, merged into an unintelligible mess of hallucination and reality. She could feel the taste of blood on her tongue, feel the entrails on her hands of a boy she had ravage beyond recognition. Everywhere there were corpses aflame, the smell of burnt flesh flooding her nose and a red ocean covering the ground.

With another flash she was overturned and beaten to an inch of her life. Next there was hands all over her body, searching and groping and feeling. A body pushing itself against hers, thrusting and panting. Humiliation hitting her in its full, impossible, force. A pain she had never felt before torturing her body. The Warden's face looming above, drenched in sweat and a savage grin haunting his distorted face.

A knife suddenly flicked, slashing her gut open. Her stomach exploded, her entrails hanging out in a mishmash of meat and blood. She tried to pick it up and put it back, inside her stomach where it belong. Too slippery. It wouldn't stick. She grunted and cried out of desperation. It just wouldn't fit back in.

Someone laughed at her. An echo, evolving into a thousand voices laughing in unison. It overtook her mind, her cries to stop drowned out by it. She yelled at them to shut up, only a voice among many that wouldn't be heard. She clenched her head in her arms, trying to block the voices out, to no avail. The laughing grew, louder and louder. She screamed, as it was the only thing she could do.

Then, it stopped. The gallery of images from hell and the chorus of voices disappeared into a dark, peaceful and silent void she now drifted through, her body and mind still aching. Down below, far, far beyond the borders of space, she could see a little girl with her parents, laughing to their hearts' content. Next, the same girl and a young man, a faint recognition hitting her mind. They talked and laughed, love growing out of nothing but a destined meeting.

The tearful farewell, the bloody murder of the girl's parents. A journey through the darkest hours and gory rumors. The girl had gone insane, having a blast on other people's lives. The golden time of a lifetime.

A miscalculation and a sacrifice. She could see the girl being dragged off into the hell which she herself now dwelt. She could feel the girl's torment running through her own. The drugs twisting her mind into mush, the constant insults hurled from the mouths of sneering guards. The abuse and violation surging through her like shock wave.

A cold wind touched her cheek and in the darkness she turned around, to face her old mentor once again. He had a warm, inviting smile, holding his arms ready to embrace, but she couldn't move into them, to feel that warmth again. She couldn't move her body, limited only to observe.

Then his features began to change. The young man, whom she had loved so dearly, melted into a shapeless abomination of flesh and tissue, with the mark of an armor she recognized bright as day. The familiar red color and its texture told her mind exactly what she was looking at.

Tentacles of meat extended towards her. She could feel its honest intent; to hug, to comfort. Slowly she drifted towards the abomination. She felt no smell, nor fear. She had nothing to fear from it, regardless of its appearance.

The meat embraced her, slabs of it dripped onto her and blood flowed down over the two. She felt with her hands over it, sticky from the fluid that covered it. It was here, at last. The final obstacle.

"Thank you," she said softly. "But I'm a big girl now. I don't need you anymore. Goodbye."

With a swift hand she impaled the abomination. A bloody fountain erupted from the hole in its back and a high-pitched, gut-wrenching scream destroyed the silence in the void. They drifted apart, the flailing of the abomination slowly coming to a stop and Wallachia herself drift backwards into the dark.

Then it all returned. As if she had emerged from the ocean's depth, light and voices broke through and the pain made its re-entrance, although it was now more subdued, with a red haze clouding everything. She could feel an odd inner peace emerging from the core of her being, and an overbearing thirst for power starting to build up in her veins. A spike of pain shot through her head and she gripped her temples with one hand on impulse. It was only a second later the revelation hit her, with faint surprise, that her shackles were no longer restraining her. She glanced up at her captivators, with a throbbing pain behind her eyes.

Hammond, still wearing an inexplicable grin, had backed away and was now frantically gesturing at the guards. That expression of his, one of delight and supremacy refused to erase itself, but started to mix with a sudden surprise and royal fear. He was partly blinded by his own perceived success, delaying his mind's reactions. The guards on the other hand were determined, but scared. She could smell it, feel it even. Her senses saw their fear as if they had been painted with it.

"Take her down!"

One of them jumped at her. Wallachia's reactions was impeded by the red haze settling over her vision and the aching pain all over her body, preventing her from dodging in time. He slammed into her forcefully and rammed her against the wall, a forearm across her throat. Behind him Hammond walked forth, another syringe ready.

Despite the pain and hunger, Wallachia began to push the guard back. Regardless of his superior size, towering over her almost twice as tall, his feet slipped backwards, unable to get a proper grip. No matter how much he struggled the sudden immovable power flooding out of Wallachia refused to let him push her back. Sweat dripped from his brow and he could only stare into those red eyes of utter determination. She could almost taste the horror rushing in his mind.

With Hammond only half a meter away, syringe at the ready, Wallachia made her move. Slipping elegantly to the side, she got a better grip of the guard and kicked at his knee. The noise of crushed bones echoed forth and the guard shrieked like a pig, losing his balance strutting around on one leg. With a powerful push from Wallachia he fell backwards, onto Hammond and the syringe. It pierced the back of the guard's neck, injecting its chemicals before breaking into two, and they inelegantly tumbled to the floor.

Without stopping, Wallachia rushed towards the other guard. He was starting to panic, his determination crumbling. He wasn't thinking clearly, shaking in his clothes and his mouth gaping open at the scene unfolding. Yet, he had the awareness to fire his rifle he now clutched with white knuckles.

The shot went wide and missed by a good margin. She was moving too fast for his panic-stricken mind to comprehend. She enjoyed it a lot. This fear, the horror-struck expression he made on his face. He probably had even wet his pants.

He took another shot, this one actually nudging its target by sheer luck. Wallachia felt a sting on her right thigh, but kept on going. The hit had only drawn blood on the surface, incapable of even slowing her down.

Within another second she was upon him. She grabbed his wrists, and as he dropped the rifle, pulled him close to her face, grinning in delight. His teeth were clenched, his eyes wide open.

Before his mind could register what was happening, the veins within his wrists was ripped out by Wallachia's sharp teeth. Warm blood sprouted into her mouth, filling her with that orgasmic sensation she hadn't felt for so long. Her power increased, the energy within tipping her over the edge. It was all a sea of euphoria. For one small second, all of her pain disappeared. The throbbing in her head was gone, and the haze faded into nothing.

Another shot rang out and brought her out of her delusion. This time it had been well-aimed, only passing a centimeter from her head. She released the guard, who fell against the wall, screaming and kicking in terror at his wrists bleeding all over him. She turned around slowly, to stare at Hammond with a gun in his hand. It didn't shake, nor was he grinning anymore.

"Please, stand down," he said. It was the voice of authority again, but without the humor. He had realized he'd lost control. "Please, just fucking stand there and wait for my beautiful creation to do what it's designed for."

He didn't bat an eyelash at the two guards who had just been mauled. He only cared for his creation. Wallachia was fine with that. She didn't care either way. From the corner of an eye she could see the return of the Naras, coming from holes in the walls. The small spiders amassed into a solid lump that surrounded her completely, just barely touching her feet. Someone had called for them.

"Haha, what perfect timing." Hammond lowered his gun and gestured at the Naras. A relieved smile appeared. He hadn't called for them she thought. "You guys are real saviors."

Wallachia knew all too well what the Naras were capable of... Yet, she couldn't feel any intention to harm in the way they moved. She didn't know how, but something told her they were under control, posing no danger to her at all. She removed her gaze from them and gave Hammond a stare of the purest ice. Slowly she took a step forward. The Naras cleared away from her feet. The sea of mechanical spiders moved with each step and cleared a path to Hammond.

Hammond froze and his smile was gone. He could see the Naras getting out of her way and he knew he mustn't stay there any longer. But his body didn't want to move. His eyes were utterly transfixed on Wallachia's blood red eyes. He couldn't tear himself away from them, even if his mind screamed to his body to aim and pull the gun's trigger. Something unseen held him in place.

Closer and closer she came, until she stood right in front of him. They could feel each others breathing, almost hear the other's heartbeats. She could feel the pain again boiling beneath her skin. The red haze returned, heavier than before. She was losing her concentration. Almost there...

Below them the Naras were amassed, reporting everything back to the surveillance center. They could see and hear everything. Wallachia brought her mouth right next to Hammond's ear and whispered, "Frightened yet? Still high on your fake success?" She gripped his throat with her fingers and pressed lightly. "I'd just love to tear you open and bathe myself in your black blood. But even that is a too good thing for someone like you."

Her mind weakened, the excruciating pain returning, and her grip upon Hammond's soul released. As his limbs came back under his control, his being still shaken to the core from what had unfolded, he lost his grip of the pistol and dropped it into the sea of Naras. Sweat ran down his face and he stared, with rage in his eyes and humiliation flaring on his cheeks, at Wallachia.

"You... You'll pay for this!"

Regaining his senses, he dove for the pistol. Wallachia did nothing, only watching. His hand threw itself into the Naras to retrieve it, but several sudden and painful stings made him pull back.

"What..." he whispered and stared at his hand unbelievingly. Red blemishes came forth, hundreds of them. His mind raced towards what it meant. Of course he knew what would happen. The knowledge he had of the Naras had always been comforting, but now it had switched to horror.

"It's your toxin," Wallachia mused. She'd walked backwards slowly and was now slouching, barely holding herself upright against the opposite wall. "You came up with it yourself. You must be so proud right now."

Hammond went down on his knees and his veins screamed from under his skin with vibrant red. The toxin had been injected far more than a human body could handle and his system pumped it around without knowing what it would do. She watched, amused, as the Naras began to crawl onto Hammond, their small thin legs tickling his skin.

His body unable to hold him up due to the toxin, he fell to his side, eyes of terror staring at the crawling spiders. The Naras covered him under their numbers and entered through his mouth and nose. Wallachia shuddered; even she was disturbed by the thought of having those horrifying creatures scouting her insides. She looked away, as Hammond's body convulsed as if possessed. A gurgle escaped his throat that was filled with saliva and a hand tried to reach for her, either asking for forgiveness or with an urge to strangle the last drip all the life her body contained. Then he went limp. His eyes became empty and the noises stopped.

The Naras came forth from his silent corpse, surging through Hammond's veins that moved and coiled around themselves as the Naras moved within. They dropped in black chunks from Hammond's disfigured face, and disappeared into the walls, leaving the room with only Wallachia and three mutilated corpses. They disappeared so fast it was apparent they were under direct control.

The thick red haze still covered Wallachia's vision, blinding her from the outside world. Her head still ached as if a heated nail was pressed against her brain. All the time, throughout the scene played out in the cell, images had flashed of grotesque mutilations and warped victims she had once gourged herself upon. She was almost disgusted by the sight, something that even surprised herself. She was supposed to like it, to embrace it, but it was just too much, too fast. Against her will she began to reflect upon it.

Her introspection, before it had even begun, was interrupted by banging on the locked door. She didn't recognize the voices yelling from the other side. Probably reinforcements she concluded and slid down on her side, joining the corpses. Chaos was still surging through her body, wrecking havoc on her mind.

She suddenly felt tired. A deep sleep beckoning beyond the horizon. It was scary, but she let it come. She closed her eyes. Against her closed eyelids, the bizarre images still played, in an orchestra of distorted colors and noises.

[Evil Rick]

Okay, sorry for my last atempt, I alredy fixed this (Thanks to Satashi for saving my butt once again ) Here's official one without typo issues.

The Claw of Aligheri

I report my advice on the investigation on this artifact: at first I tough it could be from the ancient Belkan empire, but my research found out that it was much older than that would allow. This claw seems to be some sort of device; the energy that resides within it is huge. I could tell that the weapon has very powerful destructive abilities, even when its specific abilities are unknown. I have discovered that its energy generates some sort of magnetic pulse towards magic objects, like if it were trying to absorb or assimilate their energy. The purpose? I'm not sure, I'll conduct some more experiments to find out, but I'm afraid I'll be in the need for test subjects. Powerful ones, since none of the psychos or thugs I had used before survived. Perhaps we could use one of those TSBA mages? We could drag them into a trap or something. I need to think about this matter, and see what can I do. I'll also need more money and a better place to conduct my research. This hideout is falling apart! I can't work in these conditions! I'll be thankful if you can respond my message fast since time is most precious to me.

ATTE: Dr. Faust McCrown

Spoiler for Revolution is coming:

[RadiantBeam]

...

I am continually confused and baffled by the private messages I get from FF.net.

Hi

Who does fic requests,partner fics and fics often?

partner fics: A fic 2 people write.



who does serena/rei fics?

when new fics?

when do more fic pairings and fandoms?

bye!

[TheShinySword]

Originally Posted by RadiantBeam

...

I am continually confused and baffled by the private messages I get from FF.net.

..........


Wow. I have absolutely nothing to say about that. I'm so very very confused.

[RadiantBeam]

Originally Posted by TheShinySword

..........


Wow. I have absolutely nothing to say about that. I'm so very very confused.

I think I can understand what they're saying, but I don't understand why they're saying it to me.

[Keroko]

Originally Posted by RadiantBeam

...

I am continually confused and baffled by the private messages I get from FF.net.

Oh dear, I wasn't counting on someone needing my nooberian linguistic skills outside of MMO forums.

*ahem*

"Hi, do you know someone who does request fics and partner fics often (a partner fic is a fic two people write together)?

And do you know anyone who who does Serena/Rei fics? Also, do you know when new fics are coming out?

Oh, and when are you going to do more pairing fics of the pairings that fandom likes?

Bye!"

[TL note: Not sure about that last one. The garbled nature of nooberian makes it so it could go either way, but usually 'pairing' and 'fandom' in the same sentence indicates it is about pairings that the fandom likes. If there was a negative word somewhere in the line (doesn't matter where) it'd mean the opposite.]

As for why they're sending it to you... well, any reason really. They could have read a fic of yours or simply picked a random name from the list.

[RadiantBeam]

Originally Posted by Keroko

Oh dear, I wasn't counting on someone needing my nooberian linguistic skills outside of MMO forums.

*ahem*

"Hi, do you know someone who does request fics and partner fics often (a partner fic is a fic two people write together)?

And do you know anyone who who does Serena/Rei fics? Also, do you know when new fics are coming out?

Oh, and when are you going to do more pairing fics of the pairings that fandom likes?

Bye!"

[TL note: Not sure about that last one. The garbled nature of nooberian makes it so it could go either way, but usually 'pairing' and 'fandom' in the same sentence indicates it is about pairings that the fandom likes. If there was a negative word somewhere in the line (doesn't matter where) it'd mean the opposite.]

Thanks for the translation, you did a better job of it than I did. Though now I don't know what fandom they're talking about... I write for a lot of fandoms, Serena/Rei seems to be for Sailor Moon, but that's about it.

[Keroko]

It depends, the last line might be referring to the Nanoha fandom considering a certain fic there, but it could easily refer to any fandom and a misguided opinion that the senders pairing is the fandoms pairing. A common thing.

[00-Raiser]

Well I felt I had to write something, and I ended up doing that Fate angst piece I mentioned. Let's try this attention grabbing thing...

Suffering in Silence:
A Fate angst piece

Spoiler for Suffering in Silence:

It all started innocently enough one day at school during lunch. I was on the roof eating with Nanoha, Hayate, Alisa and Suzuka as usual, happily chatting between bites of my sandwich.

“So are you guys free on Saturday?” Alisa suddenly asked. “How about we all go hang out, see a movie or something?”

“That sounds like fun.” Suzuka answered.

“Hm… I don’t have to work or anything…” Hayate hummed thoughtfully. “So count me in!”

“I’m off duty as well.” I nodded.

“Nyahaha, sorry, I have to pass.” Nanoha surprisingly answered. I had been certain she was off duty as well.

“Do you already have plans?” Suzuka asked.

“Yeah, Yuuno-kun asked me to spend the day with him, so…”

“EH?!?!” Hayate and Alisa cut her off with their cries.

“When did this happen?” Alisa demanded.

“You’re ditching your friends to go on a date?” Hayate added.

“What? No!” Nanoha waved off the accusations. “It’s not like that. We haven’t had much of a chance to meet recently and he finally got a day off so I’m going to Mid to hang out with him.”

“… Man, how boring!” Hayate suddenly huffed. “And here I thought one of us finally got lucky.”

“Well, this is Nanoha we’re talking about so I should have expected that.” Alisa sighed.

“Hey, what’s that supposed to mean?” Nanoha pouted.

Suzuka and I merely chuckled at the little exchange. I certainly didn’t think I had anything to worry about. Nanoha and Yuuno were old friends, even more so than me and her, so I certainly didn’t find it odd that they would want to spend time together. If Nanoha had felt anything beyond friendship for the boy, she definitely would have told me about it. I am her best friend after all. She tells me practically everything.

Nanoha didn’t have any particular interest in romance at the time, and I secretly hoped that when she did awaken to it, her feelings would be pointed in my direction. In the meantime, I was just happy to be with my saviour whom I loved so dearly.

… If I had known what would happen next, I might have tried to stop her…

It was Saturday evening and I was hunched over the desk in my room, going through my notes in preparation of an upcoming test when my cell phone rang. I quickly answered when I saw the display show Nanoha’s name.

“Hello Nanoha.” I greeted, the smile obvious in my voice.

“Heya Fate-chan. Sorry for calling so late.” Nanoha said on the other end.

“It’s no problem at all.” I said back. “What’s up? How did your day go?”

“Well… That’s what I’m calling about.” It was rather odd to hear her sound so hesitant. She was usually so straightforward and cheerful in her approach to almost everything.

“Did something happen?” I asked worriedly.

“Um… yeah…” Nanoha trailed off again. Now she really had me worried. “Everything was great at first. Yuuno-kun and I talked about our work, looked at various shops on Mid Childa, had a nice meal, and even went to see a movie. It was lots of fun but when it was time to go home he…” I heard Nanoha gulp. “Yuuno-kun said he loved me and asked me to be his girlfriend…”

I might have dropped the phone but it really wasn’t all that surprising. I knew the way Yuuno felt about Nanoha. It was rather easy for me to recognise his feelings since they matched my own. It was rather shocking to me that he managed to be bold enough to tell her his feelings, though.

Hearing this also put a feeling of dread inside my gut.

“Is that so?” I asked dumbly. “… How did you reply?”

“I didn’t…” Nanoha admitted. “He gave me time to think it over and give him an answer later.”

“… How are you going to answer him?”

“I don’t really know… I’m… I’m not sure.”

Despite myself, I let out a mental sigh of relief.

“Well, if you don’t return his feelings, it’s best to let him down gently.” I suggested.

“Actually… that’s not it.” I could practically feel the blush in her words. “When I think about it, I do like him a lot and I always enjoy being with him. I care about him and after the shock went away, I realised I was really happy to hear that he felt that way about me. He’s always been important to me, so… I think I’m going to say yes.”

That time I really did drop my phone. My mouth hung open as I processed her words. Nanoha was going to become Yuuno’s girlfriend?

“Fate-chan?” Her voice came faintly from my lap. I snapped myself out of it and put my phone back to my ear.

“Are you sure?” I asked, perhaps a bit too manically.

“Y-Yeah…” She reaffirmed. “Just thinking about him now makes my face hot and my heart beat faster… I guess that sounds pretty corny, huh?” Nanoha laughed nervously. “It’s weird but it wasn’t like this before, but now…”

“Well… Congratulations!” I tried to sound as genuine as possible, but it was rather difficult. I felt a discomfort in my chest that was far worse than the time Shamal had drained my linker core. “I’m sure you’ll be great together.”

“You really think so?” Nanoha’s voice brightened considerably. “Thank you, Fate-chan! I knew I just had to tell you about it! Ok, I’m going to call Yuuno-kun and give him my answer!”

“Ok then.” I smiled sadly, thankful she couldn’t see it. “Talk to you later.”

“Bye!” She cheerfully hung up after that.

I just stared at my phone for a bit before finally putting it away. I tried to go back to my studies, but it was virtually impossible to tear my thoughts away from what just happened. Coupled with what felt like a hand squeezing my most vital of organs, I had no desire to do anything so I decided to call it a night.

Climbing into bed only encouraged my mind’s activity however. What did it mean exactly that Nanoha and Yuuno would be a couple, I wondered. They would go on dates and eventually get married? Did it mean my feelings would forever go unreturned? I tried to convince myself I was taking things too seriously. As teenagers, weren’t we all interested in experimenting and trying new things? Just because Nanoha agreed to be Yuuno’s girlfriend didn’t mean it would last. Perhaps it wouldn’t become something serious. Perhaps it wouldn’t work out. Perhaps Nanoha would realise she didn’t love him that way and discover she loved me instead?

As much as part of me wanted to hope for that, another part berated myself for wishing for such things. They were both my friends so I should be supporting their relationship instead of wanting it to end.

I tried to convince myself that I was ok with it, but I still kept in mind that it could end up being just a temporary thing that might not go anywhere. These thoughts didn’t do much to ease the grip on my heart, though.

I never did get any sleep that night.

The next day I wasn’t surprised that Alisa, Suzuka and Hayate were thrilled by the news. They offered congratulations and slaps on the back, Hayate declaring cheerfully that she would have so much fun teasing them about it later.

I tried to mimic their enthusiasm but that clamp on my chest continued applying pressure. I found myself escaping to the bathroom when I couldn’t listen to that topic any longer.

The months went by and all I could do was sit back and watch Nanoha and Yuuno’s relationship. I had managed to take my mind away from their relationship after awhile, but whenever it was brought to my attention again, the pain in my chest would return. After every date Nanoha would joyously report to me about how it went, and when they had arguments she also came to me for advice as well. She showed me the gifts he sometimes bought her, and she brought me along when she picked out something for him.

I really didn’t want to be involved in that, but I bit my tongue. I just couldn’t find it in my heart to reject Nanoha’s approaches. I was always there for her when she needed me and I started clinging to those times as she spent an increasingly less amount of time with me. It was simultaneously painful, but I was happy to have the one I loved rely on me like that.

I still had my dark thoughts, though. Sometimes I hoped that an argument would lead to a breakup and I would be disgusted with myself the moment I thought that. She was happy with him and I should be happy for her, but… It just hurt so much.

It became even worse when I saw how strong their bond was becoming. On a trip to the Infinity Library to find materials for a case, I had heard Nanoha’s voice from around a corner. When I went to greet her, I quickly hid when I saw that she was with Yuuno. The vice tightened when I witnessed her lean up and press her lips against his. I quietly ran away then, the image I just saw replaying in my mind over and over.

Again I tried to tell myself that it was just a kiss and didn’t mean that much, but who was I fooling?

I’ve lost track of how long it’s been since then, but right now I’m sitting on a bench at the amusement park. I was so happy when Nanoha invited me here, just the two of us. We had so much fun playing around and currently she’s off getting ice cream for the both of us. Being alone with her made me forget about the painful things, but my mind wandered back to them the moment she left me behind. Even after all that’s happened, my feelings for her haven’t diminished at all, have they? It’s so sad thinking about how she’s drifted away from me, but for today at least I had her all to myself. I think I’ll use this chance to make sure I have no regrets.

“Sorry for the wait, Fate-chan!” Nanoha finally returns with our frozen treats. Handing me my vanilla cone, she sits next to me and licks her chocolate one. “Today has been a lot of fun, hasn’t it?”

“Yes,” I agree. “Thanks for inviting me.”

“Nyaha, it’s the least I could do. I’m sorry we haven’t been able to hang out as much as we used to.”

“It’s ok, Nanoha. We’ve all been busy.”

“Still, I wanted to go out with you today like this.”

We were comfortably silent after that. This is probably my best chance, so I need to say it now.

“Nanoha.” I look at her, and she looks back curiously. “I… I love you.”

Nanoha blinks before smiling sweetly. “I love you too Fate-chan.” She says. “You’re my best friend in the all the worlds!”

… I expected that, but it didn’t hurt any less. She just didn’t love me the same way I loved her. She didn’t realise the extent in which I cared about her.

“And that’s why…” She continues and her face flushes. “I wanted to let you know something…”

I know I don’t want to hear this.

“You know me and Yuuno-kun had a date last night, right?”

I don’t want to hear this.

“Well… afterwards I went back to his place…”

I don’t want to hear this.

“And things got a little… heated.”

I don’t want to hear this!

“And…” Nanoha hangs her head and her face turns a deep shade of red. “… I didn’t leave until this morning…”

The implication registers in my brain and at the same moment the hand strangling my heart squeezes with all its might. This pain falls just short of my heart being ripped out entirely. My eyes sting, but I hold it in. I can’t cry here, but the truth is almost forcing me to. I had been taught that sex was the ultimate act of love done between two people who truly loved one another. I can’t deny the seriousness of Nanoha and Yuuno’s relationship any longer learning they have taken that step. Any hope I had is obliterated.

I haven’t felt such a crushing emotional blow since my mother told me she hated me.

Yet I force myself to smile. I no longer have any right to raise an objection to anything that happens, even if I do want to scream.

“T-That’s a big step.” I say. “Were you really ready?”

“Well, we hadn’t really planned on it…” She scratches the back of her head. “It just sort of happened, but it just felt so… right, like we were meant to be together. I love him so much.”

“That certainly explains why you were beaming this morning.” I thought it was because she was meeting me. “Good for you.” I reply as genuinely as I can. “Congratulations.”

“Nyaha,” she chuckles. “Thanks. I haven’t told anyone else yet, but I felt I had to share this with you. He was so gentle, and…”

“Sorry, Nanoha.” I interrupt. I don’t want to hear anymore. “I need to use the restroom. I’ll be right back.” I dump my mostly melted ice cream into the trash and make my escape. I quickly enter the bathroom stall and lock the door before I prop myself against the wall with one hand and clutch my chest with the other. This pain is unbearable and I finally cry. I swallow my screams because this is still a public washroom, but my tears fall.

Why did this have to happen? Why do I have to suffer like this? Why couldn’t it have been me?! If I had made a move sooner, would Nanoha be with me instead of him? Why had I waited?!

How can I make the hurting stop? I had considered going away on a long mission in order to forget the pain, but I still loved her too much to bear being away from her. If love is supposed to be a wonderful thing, why is it causing me so much suffering?

I calm myself and wipe my tears, but my chest is still constricted… God, I’m not sure if you exist or not but if you do please make this feeling go away!

[Nanya01]

Originally Posted by 00-Raiser

Well I felt I had to write something, and I ended up doing that Fate angst piece I mentioned. Let's try this attention grabbing thing...

Suffering in Silence:
A Fate angst piece

Spoiler for Suffering in Silence:

It all started innocently enough one day at school during lunch. I was on the roof eating with Nanoha, Hayate, Alisa and Suzuka as usual, happily chatting between bites of my sandwich.

“So are you guys free on Saturday?” Alisa suddenly asked. “How about we all go hang out, see a movie or something?”

“That sounds like fun.” Suzuka answered.

“Hm… I don’t have to work or anything…” Hayate hummed thoughtfully. “So count me in!”

“I’m off duty as well.” I nodded.

“Nyahaha, sorry, I have to pass.” Nanoha surprisingly answered. I had been certain she was off duty as well.

“Do you already have plans?” Suzuka asked.

“Yeah, Yuuno-kun asked me to spend the day with him, so…”

“EH?!?!” Hayate and Alisa cut her off with their cries.

“When did this happen?” Alisa demanded.

“You’re ditching your friends to go on a date?” Hayate added.

“What? No!” Nanoha waved off the accusations. “It’s not like that. We haven’t had much of a chance to meet recently and he finally got a day off so I’m going to Mid to hang out with him.”

“… Man, how boring!” Hayate suddenly huffed. “And here I thought one of us finally got lucky.”

“Well, this is Nanoha we’re talking about so I should have expected that.” Alisa sighed.

“Hey, what’s that supposed to mean?” Nanoha pouted.

Suzuka and I merely chuckled at the little exchange. I certainly didn’t think I had anything to worry about. Nanoha and Yuuno were old friends, even more so than me and her, so I certainly didn’t find it odd that they would want to spend time together. If Nanoha had felt anything beyond friendship for the boy, she definitely would have told me about it. I am her best friend after all. She tells me practically everything.

Nanoha didn’t have any particular interest in romance at the time, and I secretly hoped that when she did awaken to it, her feelings would be pointed in my direction. In the meantime, I was just happy to be with my saviour whom I loved so dearly.

… If I had known what would happen next, I might have tried to stop her…

It was Saturday evening and I was hunched over the desk in my room, going through my notes in preparation of an upcoming test when my cell phone rang. I quickly answered when I saw the display show Nanoha’s name.

“Hello Nanoha.” I greeted, the smile obvious in my voice.

“Heya Fate-chan. Sorry for calling so late.” Nanoha said on the other end.

“It’s no problem at all.” I said back. “What’s up? How did your day go?”

“Well… That’s what I’m calling about.” It was rather odd to hear her sound so hesitant. She was usually so straightforward and cheerful in her approach to almost everything.

“Did something happen?” I asked worriedly.

“Um… yeah…” Nanoha trailed off again. Now she really had me worried. “Everything was great at first. Yuuno-kun and I talked about our work, looked at various shops on Mid Childa, had a nice meal, and even went to see a movie. It was lots of fun but when it was time to go home he…” I heard Nanoha gulp. “Yuuno-kun said he loved me and asked me to be his girlfriend…”

I might have dropped the phone but it really wasn’t all that surprising. I knew the way Yuuno felt about Nanoha. It was rather easy for me to recognise his feelings since they matched my own. It was rather shocking to me that he managed to be bold enough to tell her his feelings, though.

Hearing this also put a feeling of dread inside my gut.

“Is that so?” I asked dumbly. “… How did you reply?”

“I didn’t…” Nanoha admitted. “He gave me time to think it over and give him an answer later.”

“… How are you going to answer him?”

“I don’t really know… I’m… I’m not sure.”

Despite myself, I let out a mental sigh of relief.

“Well, if you don’t return his feelings, it’s best to let him down gently.” I suggested.

“Actually… that’s not it.” I could practically feel the blush in her words. “When I think about it, I do like him a lot and I always enjoy being with him. I care about him and after the shock went away, I realised I was really happy to hear that he felt that way about me. He’s always been important to me, so… I think I’m going to say yes.”

That time I really did drop my phone. My mouth hung open as I processed her words. Nanoha was going to become Yuuno’s girlfriend?

“Fate-chan?” Her voice came faintly from my lap. I snapped myself out of it and put my phone back to my ear.

“Are you sure?” I asked, perhaps a bit too manically.

“Y-Yeah…” She reaffirmed. “Just thinking about him now makes my face hot and my heart beat faster… I guess that sounds pretty corny, huh?” Nanoha laughed nervously. “It’s weird but it wasn’t like this before, but now…”

“Well… Congratulations!” I tried to sound as genuine as possible, but it was rather difficult. I felt a discomfort in my chest that was far worse than the time Shamal had drained my linker core. “I’m sure you’ll be great together.”

“You really think so?” Nanoha’s voice brightened considerably. “Thank you, Fate-chan! I knew I just had to tell you about it! Ok, I’m going to call Yuuno-kun and give him my answer!”

“Ok then.” I smiled sadly, thankful she couldn’t see it. “Talk to you later.”

“Bye!” She cheerfully hung up after that.

I just stared at my phone for a bit before finally putting it away. I tried to go back to my studies, but it was virtually impossible to tear my thoughts away from what just happened. Coupled with what felt like a hand squeezing my most vital of organs, I had no desire to do anything so I decided to call it a night.

Climbing into bed only encouraged my mind’s activity however. What did it mean exactly that Nanoha and Yuuno would be a couple, I wondered. They would go on dates and eventually get married? Did it mean my feelings would forever go unreturned? I tried to convince myself I was taking things too seriously. As teenagers, weren’t we all interested in experimenting and trying new things? Just because Nanoha agreed to be Yuuno’s girlfriend didn’t mean it would last. Perhaps it wouldn’t become something serious. Perhaps it wouldn’t work out. Perhaps Nanoha would realise she didn’t love him that way and discover she loved me instead?

As much as part of me wanted to hope for that, another part berated myself for wishing for such things. They were both my friends so I should be supporting their relationship instead of wanting it to end.

I tried to convince myself that I was ok with it, but I still kept in mind that it could end up being just a temporary thing that might not go anywhere. These thoughts didn’t do much to ease the grip on my heart, though.

I never did get any sleep that night.

The next day I wasn’t surprised that Alisa, Suzuka and Hayate were thrilled by the news. They offered congratulations and slaps on the back, Hayate declaring cheerfully that she would have so much fun teasing them about it later.

I tried to mimic their enthusiasm but that clamp on my chest continued applying pressure. I found myself escaping to the bathroom when I couldn’t listen to that topic any longer.

The months went by and all I could do was sit back and watch Nanoha and Yuuno’s relationship. I had managed to take my mind away from their relationship after awhile, but whenever it was brought to my attention again, the pain in my chest would return. After every date Nanoha would joyously report to me about how it went, and when they had arguments she also came to me for advice as well. She showed me the gifts he sometimes bought her, and she brought me along when she picked out something for him.

I really didn’t want to be involved in that, but I bit my tongue. I just couldn’t find it in my heart to reject Nanoha’s approaches. I was always there for her when she needed me and I started clinging to those times as she spent an increasingly less amount of time with me. It was simultaneously painful, but I was happy to have the one I loved rely on me like that.

I still had my dark thoughts, though. Sometimes I hoped that an argument would lead to a breakup and I would be disgusted with myself the moment I thought that. She was happy with him and I should be happy for her, but… It just hurt so much.

It became even worse when I saw how strong their bond was becoming. On a trip to the Infinity Library to find materials for a case, I had heard Nanoha’s voice from around a corner. When I went to greet her, I quickly hid when I saw that she was with Yuuno. The vice tightened when I witnessed her lean up and press her lips against his. I quietly ran away then, the image I just saw replaying in my mind over and over.

Again I tried to tell myself that it was just a kiss and didn’t mean that much, but who was I fooling?

I’ve lost track of how long it’s been since then, but right now I’m sitting on a bench at the amusement park. I was so happy when Nanoha invited me here, just the two of us. We had so much fun playing around and currently she’s off getting ice cream for the both of us. Being alone with her made me forget about the painful things, but my mind wandered back to them the moment she left me behind. Even after all that’s happened, my feelings for her haven’t diminished at all, have they? It’s so sad thinking about how she’s drifted away from me, but for today at least I had her all to myself. I think I’ll use this chance to make sure I have no regrets.

“Sorry for the wait, Fate-chan!” Nanoha finally returns with our frozen treats. Handing me my vanilla cone, she sits next to me and licks her chocolate one. “Today has been a lot of fun, hasn’t it?”

“Yes,” I agree. “Thanks for inviting me.”

“Nyaha, it’s the least I could do. I’m sorry we haven’t been able to hang out as much as we used to.”

“It’s ok, Nanoha. We’ve all been busy.”

“Still, I wanted to go out with you today like this.”

We were comfortably silent after that. This is probably my best chance, so I need to say it now.

“Nanoha.” I look at her, and she looks back curiously. “I… I love you.”

Nanoha blinks before smiling sweetly. “I love you too Fate-chan.” She says. “You’re my best friend in the all the worlds!”

… I expected that, but it didn’t hurt any less. She just didn’t love me the same way I loved her. She didn’t realise the extent in which I cared about her.

“And that’s why…” She continues and her face flushes. “I wanted to let you know something…”

I know I don’t want to hear this.

“You know me and Yuuno-kun had a date last night, right?”

I don’t want to hear this.

“Well… afterwards I went back to his place…”

I don’t want to hear this.

“And things got a little… heated.”

I don’t want to hear this!

“And…” Nanoha hangs her head and her face turns a deep shade of red. “… I didn’t leave until this morning…”

The implication registers in my brain and at the same moment the hand strangling my heart squeezes with all its might. This pain falls just short of my heart being ripped out entirely. My eyes sting, but I hold it in. I can’t cry here, but the truth is almost forcing me to. I had been taught that sex was the ultimate act of love done between two people who truly loved one another. I can’t deny the seriousness of Nanoha and Yuuno’s relationship any longer learning they have taken that step. Any hope I had is obliterated.

I haven’t felt such a crushing emotional blow since my mother told me she hated me.

Yet I force myself to smile. I no longer have any right to raise an objection to anything that happens, even if I do want to scream.

“T-That’s a big step.” I say. “Were you really ready?”

“Well, we hadn’t really planned on it…” She scratches the back of her head. “It just sort of happened, but it just felt so… right, like we were meant to be together. I love him so much.”

“That certainly explains why you were beaming this morning.” I thought it was because she was meeting me. “Good for you.” I reply as genuinely as I can. “Congratulations.”

“Nyaha,” she chuckles. “Thanks. I haven’t told anyone else yet, but I felt I had to share this with you. He was so gentle, and…”

“Sorry, Nanoha.” I interrupt. I don’t want to hear anymore. “I need to use the restroom. I’ll be right back.” I dump my mostly melted ice cream into the trash and make my escape. I quickly enter the bathroom stall and lock the door before I prop myself against the wall with one hand and clutch my chest with the other. This pain is unbearable and I finally cry. I swallow my screams because this is still a public washroom, but my tears fall.

Why did this have to happen? Why do I have to suffer like this? Why couldn’t it have been me?! If I had made a move sooner, would Nanoha be with me instead of him? Why had I waited?!

How can I make the hurting stop? I had considered going away on a long mission in order to forget the pain, but I still loved her too much to bear being away from her. If love is supposed to be a wonderful thing, why is it causing me so much suffering?

I calm myself and wipe my tears, but my chest is still constricted… God, I’m not sure if you exist or not but if you do please make this feeling go away!

Spoiler for Comment:

You jerk! You had me crying at the end! Good job!

[deathcurse]

Originally Posted by 00-Raiser

Well I felt I had to write something, and I ended up doing that Fate angst piece I mentioned. Let's try this attention grabbing thing...

Suffering in Silence:
A Fate angst piece

Spoiler for Suffering in Silence:

It all started innocently enough one day at school during lunch. I was on the roof eating with Nanoha, Hayate, Alisa and Suzuka as usual, happily chatting between bites of my sandwich.

“So are you guys free on Saturday?” Alisa suddenly asked. “How about we all go hang out, see a movie or something?”

“That sounds like fun.” Suzuka answered.

“Hm… I don’t have to work or anything…” Hayate hummed thoughtfully. “So count me in!”

“I’m off duty as well.” I nodded.

“Nyahaha, sorry, I have to pass.” Nanoha surprisingly answered. I had been certain she was off duty as well.

“Do you already have plans?” Suzuka asked.

“Yeah, Yuuno-kun asked me to spend the day with him, so…”

“EH?!?!” Hayate and Alisa cut her off with their cries.

“When did this happen?” Alisa demanded.

“You’re ditching your friends to go on a date?” Hayate added.

“What? No!” Nanoha waved off the accusations. “It’s not like that. We haven’t had much of a chance to meet recently and he finally got a day off so I’m going to Mid to hang out with him.”

“… Man, how boring!” Hayate suddenly huffed. “And here I thought one of us finally got lucky.”

“Well, this is Nanoha we’re talking about so I should have expected that.” Alisa sighed.

“Hey, what’s that supposed to mean?” Nanoha pouted.

Suzuka and I merely chuckled at the little exchange. I certainly didn’t think I had anything to worry about. Nanoha and Yuuno were old friends, even more so than me and her, so I certainly didn’t find it odd that they would want to spend time together. If Nanoha had felt anything beyond friendship for the boy, she definitely would have told me about it. I am her best friend after all. She tells me practically everything.

Nanoha didn’t have any particular interest in romance at the time, and I secretly hoped that when she did awaken to it, her feelings would be pointed in my direction. In the meantime, I was just happy to be with my saviour whom I loved so dearly.

… If I had known what would happen next, I might have tried to stop her…

It was Saturday evening and I was hunched over the desk in my room, going through my notes in preparation of an upcoming test when my cell phone rang. I quickly answered when I saw the display show Nanoha’s name.

“Hello Nanoha.” I greeted, the smile obvious in my voice.

“Heya Fate-chan. Sorry for calling so late.” Nanoha said on the other end.

“It’s no problem at all.” I said back. “What’s up? How did your day go?”

“Well… That’s what I’m calling about.” It was rather odd to hear her sound so hesitant. She was usually so straightforward and cheerful in her approach to almost everything.

“Did something happen?” I asked worriedly.

“Um… yeah…” Nanoha trailed off again. Now she really had me worried. “Everything was great at first. Yuuno-kun and I talked about our work, looked at various shops on Mid Childa, had a nice meal, and even went to see a movie. It was lots of fun but when it was time to go home he…” I heard Nanoha gulp. “Yuuno-kun said he loved me and asked me to be his girlfriend…”

I might have dropped the phone but it really wasn’t all that surprising. I knew the way Yuuno felt about Nanoha. It was rather easy for me to recognise his feelings since they matched my own. It was rather shocking to me that he managed to be bold enough to tell her his feelings, though.

Hearing this also put a feeling of dread inside my gut.

“Is that so?” I asked dumbly. “… How did you reply?”

“I didn’t…” Nanoha admitted. “He gave me time to think it over and give him an answer later.”

“… How are you going to answer him?”

“I don’t really know… I’m… I’m not sure.”

Despite myself, I let out a mental sigh of relief.

“Well, if you don’t return his feelings, it’s best to let him down gently.” I suggested.

“Actually… that’s not it.” I could practically feel the blush in her words. “When I think about it, I do like him a lot and I always enjoy being with him. I care about him and after the shock went away, I realised I was really happy to hear that he felt that way about me. He’s always been important to me, so… I think I’m going to say yes.”

That time I really did drop my phone. My mouth hung open as I processed her words. Nanoha was going to become Yuuno’s girlfriend?

“Fate-chan?” Her voice came faintly from my lap. I snapped myself out of it and put my phone back to my ear.

“Are you sure?” I asked, perhaps a bit too manically.

“Y-Yeah…” She reaffirmed. “Just thinking about him now makes my face hot and my heart beat faster… I guess that sounds pretty corny, huh?” Nanoha laughed nervously. “It’s weird but it wasn’t like this before, but now…”

“Well… Congratulations!” I tried to sound as genuine as possible, but it was rather difficult. I felt a discomfort in my chest that was far worse than the time Shamal had drained my linker core. “I’m sure you’ll be great together.”

“You really think so?” Nanoha’s voice brightened considerably. “Thank you, Fate-chan! I knew I just had to tell you about it! Ok, I’m going to call Yuuno-kun and give him my answer!”

“Ok then.” I smiled sadly, thankful she couldn’t see it. “Talk to you later.”

“Bye!” She cheerfully hung up after that.

I just stared at my phone for a bit before finally putting it away. I tried to go back to my studies, but it was virtually impossible to tear my thoughts away from what just happened. Coupled with what felt like a hand squeezing my most vital of organs, I had no desire to do anything so I decided to call it a night.

Climbing into bed only encouraged my mind’s activity however. What did it mean exactly that Nanoha and Yuuno would be a couple, I wondered. They would go on dates and eventually get married? Did it mean my feelings would forever go unreturned? I tried to convince myself I was taking things too seriously. As teenagers, weren’t we all interested in experimenting and trying new things? Just because Nanoha agreed to be Yuuno’s girlfriend didn’t mean it would last. Perhaps it wouldn’t become something serious. Perhaps it wouldn’t work out. Perhaps Nanoha would realise she didn’t love him that way and discover she loved me instead?

As much as part of me wanted to hope for that, another part berated myself for wishing for such things. They were both my friends so I should be supporting their relationship instead of wanting it to end.

I tried to convince myself that I was ok with it, but I still kept in mind that it could end up being just a temporary thing that might not go anywhere. These thoughts didn’t do much to ease the grip on my heart, though.

I never did get any sleep that night.

The next day I wasn’t surprised that Alisa, Suzuka and Hayate were thrilled by the news. They offered congratulations and slaps on the back, Hayate declaring cheerfully that she would have so much fun teasing them about it later.

I tried to mimic their enthusiasm but that clamp on my chest continued applying pressure. I found myself escaping to the bathroom when I couldn’t listen to that topic any longer.

The months went by and all I could do was sit back and watch Nanoha and Yuuno’s relationship. I had managed to take my mind away from their relationship after awhile, but whenever it was brought to my attention again, the pain in my chest would return. After every date Nanoha would joyously report to me about how it went, and when they had arguments she also came to me for advice as well. She showed me the gifts he sometimes bought her, and she brought me along when she picked out something for him.

I really didn’t want to be involved in that, but I bit my tongue. I just couldn’t find it in my heart to reject Nanoha’s approaches. I was always there for her when she needed me and I started clinging to those times as she spent an increasingly less amount of time with me. It was simultaneously painful, but I was happy to have the one I loved rely on me like that.

I still had my dark thoughts, though. Sometimes I hoped that an argument would lead to a breakup and I would be disgusted with myself the moment I thought that. She was happy with him and I should be happy for her, but… It just hurt so much.

It became even worse when I saw how strong their bond was becoming. On a trip to the Infinity Library to find materials for a case, I had heard Nanoha’s voice from around a corner. When I went to greet her, I quickly hid when I saw that she was with Yuuno. The vice tightened when I witnessed her lean up and press her lips against his. I quietly ran away then, the image I just saw replaying in my mind over and over.

Again I tried to tell myself that it was just a kiss and didn’t mean that much, but who was I fooling?

I’ve lost track of how long it’s been since then, but right now I’m sitting on a bench at the amusement park. I was so happy when Nanoha invited me here, just the two of us. We had so much fun playing around and currently she’s off getting ice cream for the both of us. Being alone with her made me forget about the painful things, but my mind wandered back to them the moment she left me behind. Even after all that’s happened, my feelings for her haven’t diminished at all, have they? It’s so sad thinking about how she’s drifted away from me, but for today at least I had her all to myself. I think I’ll use this chance to make sure I have no regrets.

“Sorry for the wait, Fate-chan!” Nanoha finally returns with our frozen treats. Handing me my vanilla cone, she sits next to me and licks her chocolate one. “Today has been a lot of fun, hasn’t it?”

“Yes,” I agree. “Thanks for inviting me.”

“Nyaha, it’s the least I could do. I’m sorry we haven’t been able to hang out as much as we used to.”

“It’s ok, Nanoha. We’ve all been busy.”

“Still, I wanted to go out with you today like this.”

We were comfortably silent after that. This is probably my best chance, so I need to say it now.

“Nanoha.” I look at her, and she looks back curiously. “I… I love you.”

Nanoha blinks before smiling sweetly. “I love you too Fate-chan.” She says. “You’re my best friend in the all the worlds!”

… I expected that, but it didn’t hurt any less. She just didn’t love me the same way I loved her. She didn’t realise the extent in which I cared about her.

“And that’s why…” She continues and her face flushes. “I wanted to let you know something…”

I know I don’t want to hear this.

“You know me and Yuuno-kun had a date last night, right?”

I don’t want to hear this.

“Well… afterwards I went back to his place…”

I don’t want to hear this.

“And things got a little… heated.”

I don’t want to hear this!

“And…” Nanoha hangs her head and her face turns a deep shade of red. “… I didn’t leave until this morning…”

The implication registers in my brain and at the same moment the hand strangling my heart squeezes with all its might. This pain falls just short of my heart being ripped out entirely. My eyes sting, but I hold it in. I can’t cry here, but the truth is almost forcing me to. I had been taught that sex was the ultimate act of love done between two people who truly loved one another. I can’t deny the seriousness of Nanoha and Yuuno’s relationship any longer learning they have taken that step. Any hope I had is obliterated.

I haven’t felt such a crushing emotional blow since my mother told me she hated me.

Yet I force myself to smile. I no longer have any right to raise an objection to anything that happens, even if I do want to scream.

“T-That’s a big step.” I say. “Were you really ready?”

“Well, we hadn’t really planned on it…” She scratches the back of her head. “It just sort of happened, but it just felt so… right, like we were meant to be together. I love him so much.”

“That certainly explains why you were beaming this morning.” I thought it was because she was meeting me. “Good for you.” I reply as genuinely as I can. “Congratulations.”

“Nyaha,” she chuckles. “Thanks. I haven’t told anyone else yet, but I felt I had to share this with you. He was so gentle, and…”

“Sorry, Nanoha.” I interrupt. I don’t want to hear anymore. “I need to use the restroom. I’ll be right back.” I dump my mostly melted ice cream into the trash and make my escape. I quickly enter the bathroom stall and lock the door before I prop myself against the wall with one hand and clutch my chest with the other. This pain is unbearable and I finally cry. I swallow my screams because this is still a public washroom, but my tears fall.

Why did this have to happen? Why do I have to suffer like this? Why couldn’t it have been me?! If I had made a move sooner, would Nanoha be with me instead of him? Why had I waited?!

How can I make the hurting stop? I had considered going away on a long mission in order to forget the pain, but I still loved her too much to bear being away from her. If love is supposed to be a wonderful thing, why is it causing me so much suffering?

I calm myself and wipe my tears, but my chest is still constricted… God, I’m not sure if you exist or not but if you do please make this feeling go away!

Attention well grabbed!

I liked how Nanoha relied on Fate as the best-friend-I-must-spill-all-details to...ironic at the same time, since that's what's breaking poor Fate's heart .

Something that didn't sit well with me...all of Nanoha's friends are sharp cookies, especially Hayate, and I can't imagine that none of them would have any idea to Fate's feelings, Ms. I'm-in-a-transparent-closet girl . Even if they openly and light-heartedly tease Nanoha about her new relationship, I would imagine that they would maybe watch what they say a little around Fate, or give her a glance during Nanoha's revelation... Or maybe Fate's a better liar than we expect !

The ending seems a tad dramatic, which works if there's a second chapter coming , but seems a little odd to end a one-shot...just my thoughts on that .

I had considered going away on a long mission in order to forget the pain, but I still loved her too much to bear being away from her.

Ouch . No easy answers here, and you caught that feeling well .

[00-Raiser]

Originally Posted by deathcurse

Something that didn't sit well with me...all of Nanoha's friends are sharp cookies, especially Hayate, and I can't imagine that none of them would have any idea to Fate's feelings, Ms. I'm-in-a-transparent-closet girl . Even if they openly and light-heartedly tease Nanoha about her new relationship, I would imagine that they would maybe watch what they say a little around Fate, or give her a glance during Nanoha's revelation... Or maybe Fate's a better liar than we expect !

... Let's go with that last one Besides, sometimes it's the most obvious things we over look. Or perhaps the others don't consider Fate's feelings to be romantic like me.

Originally Posted by deathcurse

The ending seems a tad dramatic, which works if there's a second chapter coming , but seems a little odd to end a one-shot...just my thoughts on that .

Nope, just this one shot. This fic is based off a similar situation I went through (only my feelings weren't as strong and Fate didn't have to listen to them have sex in the next room) and in the end all I could do was just wait until those feelings faded away. I can't really think of any other way to end it.

Originally Posted by deathcurse

Ouch . No easy answers here, and you caught that feeling well .

Heh, it seems many writers here have at one point used the "I love her but I can't have her so I'm going to go far away from her to get over it" plot line. I wanted to subvert that.

[Satashi]

Originally Posted by RadiantBeam

...

I am continually confused and baffled by the private messages I get from FF.net.

Wow @_@

Lets do a joint project!

[deathcurse]

Originally Posted by 00-Raiser

Nope, just this one shot. This fic is based off a similar situation I went through (only my feelings weren't as strong and Fate didn't have to listen to them have sex in the next room) and in the end all I could do was just wait until those feelings faded away. I can't really think of any other way to end it.

Well, my comment on that last line still stands , but I mean, it's not like a huge problem...just it doesn't really give me a feeling of "story closed".

Heh, it seems many writers here have at one point used the "I love her but I can't have her so I'm going to go far away from her to get over it" plot line. I wanted to subvert that.

*is stabbed!* *nudges "When One Door Closes" under the carpet...*

No, the subversion is nice . It does seem like something Fate would do too, since she's pretty dependent on Nanoha. At the same time, it's hard to get over someone without putting some kind of space between you for some time . It would take a really emotionally strong person to pull it off in my opinion, and Fate doesn't seem like one of those to me.

But it's a good angsty short regardless .