Nanoha FanFiction Discussion

[spawnofthejudge]

Originally Posted by synaesthetic

Edit: I didn't think I had actually stated that Chrono founded NSIS (in fact, I said the TSAB created it, without mentioning specific names) but Chrono's musing "what if" NSIS existed when his father died... is that what made you think I had claimed Chrono founded the unit? It was just Chrono complaining that if NSIS had existed then, his father might still be alive.

Oh I noticed this, but forgot. I think it was my story on Chrono that mentioned this, but Chrono thought that the Shadows flubbed The Book of Darkness incident in the last one (in that, there were still options to take without condemning an innocent girl to an Eternal Refrigerator, but that's what they went with. As an aside, I always loved that this implied that Aria and Lotte were Shadows when their master was the head of the organization. I assume they all retired at the same time... ).

Chrono's actual part in the end of the Book of Darkness incidents makes it far less likely that he'd think that the Shadows would have helped that particular problem beforehand. Knowing the Knights as he would... I don't think he'd even idly think that. But I don't think that the idle thought is all that big a deal, I just wouldn't use it.

Originally Posted by Allquall

Holy crepes on a hill, I hope it won't take a year! My goal is to be done with the lingerers by the end of June. Then, I'll probably be addressing the serious lack of lesbian westerns. You would think that would be a popular genre in fanfiction, but I can't find many even in non-fanfic community! And Nanoha is badass; thus, she needs a western (and by Nanoha, I mean Hayate. She wears a black hat, if you know what I mean).

tl;dr Can I haz a gay girl cowboi, plz?


Thanks, mate!

O_O I want In the Name of War to finish now for many reasons!

[synaesthetic]

It's just one line, easily removed. Thanks for the feedback so far. I'll do my best to keep new chapters coming.

As for the Artificial Mage bit... other people are pointing this out, but I'm experiencing a bit of Fridge Logic here. Why would the projects have two names? Why would Fate, Erio and Vivio be considered results of Project F, but Lutecia and Zest be simply artificial mages (both of whom were born normally, one of who died and came back like a zombie only with less rotting).

It was Jail that referred to Lutecia and Zest as artificial mages, so that's where I'm extrapolating this information from.

[DezoPenguin]

Clearly, I have done something right and am being rewarded for it. Watching people take an idea I've had a large hand in creating, adopting it, and using it in thus-far-excellent fics is an amazingly great feeling.

Originally Posted by synaesthetic

Spoiler for response:

About the mass drivers... technically, they're superior to a conventional firearm in the same manner, say a rifle is superior over a pistol. These aren't Battletech-style Gauss Rifles that can blow holes through a line of tanks and keep going, but more like all the firearms in Code Geass, none of which use gunpowder but have roughly the same effect.

A combat mage would be able to deflect these shots about as easily as a fairly strong "spammable nuke." The problem comes from the fact that Celica is not a combat specialist. When it comes to fighting, she's a glass cannon. She has some powerful attacks (though not nearly as much as Lutecia, and nowhere near that of Nanoha, Hayate or Fate) but nearly no defense to speak of.

That's why she had to use Overclock. She would have died right there, while any of the Section Six folks could have dealt with the mass drivers a lot better. The rationale here is that your generic Bureau Storage Device doesn't have the kind of power necessary to kill an AA-ranked mage, even a support mage like Celica.

Compared to Celica's defensive ability (at least when she's not boosted up by Overclock) they are overwhelming, just as a Divine Buster or Plasma Smasher would be as fired from Raising Heart or Bardiche. But against a combat-focused mage, the main advantage they'd have over magic would be rate of fire and possibly range.

Well, I'm glad that they're not presented as "super-weapon" type of items, but the logic seems kind of circular--the mass driver is powerful enough to kill Celica, but a "standard Storage Device" wouldn't be. Ergo, mass driver > ordinary magical weapons technology. This is the part I don't like. If Celica's defense is crap, then it's crap and it really shouldn't matter what people are shooting at her with; since there's no underlying "game system" in Nanoha telling us that AA-ranked mages have a Barrier Jacket that can stop X amount of damage type Y but only A amount of damage type B, there's not even any way for the reader to glance at the situation and conclude that this is the underlying rationale. And on a purely aesthetic level, I simply dislike it when nonmagical technologies are inserted into the TSAB's environment (even Jail's Gadget Drones, while using non-magical-damage weaponry and AMF, were still powered by artificial Jewel Seeds)--it's like introducing, say, a computer into a modern novel that doesn't use electricity.

Not to mention using their Devices would have shown up on the headquarters' building sensors and been recorded (since Celica's own use of her Device is cited as evidence by Chrono to Lutecia). They had to do away with Celica quietly and the sensors don't look for things like that.

This, on the other hand, is an excellent reason, giving an in-story justification for the bad guys to pull out alternative weapon tech without having to make that tech in any way superior to magic.

Regarding the artificial mage bit, I think I misunderstood how it was presented in Coldlight's sub of the StrikerS DVDs. From the show I extrapolated that an artificial mage (thanks to character dialogue concerning the combat cyborgs) is someone who has had their Linker Core and DNA tweaked for specific results, like greater Linker Core capacity and certain abilities. It seemed to me like the three concepts--the Artificial Mage Project, the Combat Cyborg Project and Project F were all separate lines of research. Especially since Jail specifically refers to the "undead" Zest and Lutecia as artificial mages, but refers to Fate and Erio as products of Project F.

If there's some information that's All In the Manual that I somehow missed, I'd like to know. I just didn't see why they'd bother giving the Artificial Mage Project and Project F different names if they weren't different projects.

Not having seen the Coldlight subs, I can't comment (I don't recall him referring to Lutecia as an artificial mage, but honestly, I've only seen StrikerS all the way through once so it would be very easy for some obscure reference to slip by) on this. What I do know is that the Project F/Fate creations were always referred to as "artificial mages." Keroko or the like might be better able to clarify the All There In The Manual details...

Edit: I didn't think I had actually stated that Chrono founded NSIS (in fact, I said the TSAB created it, without mentioning specific names) but Chrono's musing "what if" NSIS existed when his father died... is that what made you think I had claimed Chrono founded the unit? It was just Chrono complaining that if NSIS had existed then, his father might still be alive.

Ah, yes, that was why I expected he'd founded it (since so far as the original concept goes, the Shadows were created soon after the TSAB's founding, so...in the range of 70-75 years prior to Strikers if my timeline's not all bollixed up again). I'd assumed that in your version of the story, it had been Chrono's personal tragedy that led him to build the agency once he reached flag rank--and that, moreover, its relative lack of long-term standing was what made it especially vulnerable, politically.

Glad you like it.

Oh, yeah. Looking very much forward to Chapter 2.

Originally Posted by deathcurse

Part 1, Part 2 and Part 3 of Crime Never Sleeps...

Minor Character #2 appears ....I'm not sure if I captured Lucino's personality right, but this is five years post-StrikerS, so maybe she changed!

Crime Never Sleeps
Part 4

Spoiler for Crime Never Sleeps, part 4:

*snip*

I don't think Lucino actually has a personality in StrikerS that you could make mistakes on. Most of the time I outright forget she even exists...

Spoiler for Author's Note:

Sorry that it's short ! The next part goes into the trial, so I didn't want to have it cut short...

Heehee, title reference....

My biggest worry was, is Auris too cold or Raven too unsympathetic?

In this situation, I found Auris to be very bitchy indeed. In this case, she comes into the cell, browbeats a kid (regardless of what she actually did, this is our first look at Raven and it's "helpless little kid in jail being confronted with an evil mastermind"), attempts to get her to make damaging admissions, and deliberately tries to shake Raven's confidence in Hayate. All while we know she's snickering in her own mind going, "Yeah, kid, you just sit there and hope that the jury feels merciful so I get the fun of ordering your assassination instead of having to let the law punish you for me!" You can almost hear the ojousama laugh.

Originally Posted by Allquall

Holy crepes on a hill, I hope it won't take a year! My goal is to be done with the lingerers by the end of June. Then, I'll probably be addressing the serious lack of lesbian westerns. You would think that would be a popular genre in fanfiction, but I can't find many even in non-fanfic community! And Nanoha is badass; thus, she needs a western (and by Nanoha, I mean Hayate. She wears a black hat, if you know what I mean).

tl;dr Can I haz a gay girl cowboi, plz?

I suspect that it's a target demographics problem. Not only are Westerns generally a dying breed (even romance-novel historicals with a cowboy setting seem to be fewer and fewer by the year), but I'm guessing that very few high-school and college-age girls (the largest proportion of fanfiction writers) are within the group that reads Westerns.

Guess you'll just have to keep providing them for us.

[synaesthetic]

Originally Posted by DezoPenguin

Clearly, I have done something right and am being rewarded for it. Watching people take an idea I've had a large hand in creating, adopting it, and using it in thus-far-excellent fics is an amazingly great feeling.

Originally Posted by DezoPenguin

Well, I'm glad that they're not presented as "super-weapon" type of items, but the logic seems kind of circular--the mass driver is powerful enough to kill Celica, but a "standard Storage Device" wouldn't be. Ergo, mass driver > ordinary magical weapons technology. This is the part I don't like. If Celica's defense is crap, then it's crap and it really shouldn't matter what people are shooting at her with; since there's no underlying "game system" in Nanoha telling us that AA-ranked mages have a Barrier Jacket that can stop X amount of damage type Y but only A amount of damage type B, there's not even any way for the reader to glance at the situation and conclude that this is the underlying rationale.

Oh ho, but there is. I seem to recall ordinary Bureau clerks blasting away at Gadget Drones and putting not even a scratch on them, but any of the Section Six kids could blast holes in them without even breaking a sweat. Obviously there's a significant power differential between a generic Storage Device staff and the custom Intelligent Devices and Armed Devices used by the main characters. After al, in order to overcome the Drones' AMF, the shots would have to be quite powerful.

Originally Posted by DezoPenguin

And on a purely aesthetic level, I simply dislike it when nonmagical technologies are inserted into the TSAB's environment (even Jail's Gadget Drones, while using non-magical-damage weaponry and AMF, were still powered by artificial Jewel Seeds)--it's like introducing, say, a computer into a modern novel that doesn't use electricity.

I know people don't necessarily like that sort of mixing, but it's not a major plot point, honest. It was just something I used because it quickly told Celica that these guys weren't kosher (since guns like that are hideously illegal within the Bureau-policed worlds) and it wasn't something she could just take without getting killed to death.

Originally Posted by DezoPenguin

This, on the other hand, is an excellent reason, giving an in-story justification for the bad guys to pull out alternative weapon tech without having to make that tech in any way superior to magic.

This is really the main reason the guns showed up, but as I mentioned above, it's also true that your average Bureau redshirt staff isn't that powerful--as we've seen amply from the series, you might as well be tossing spitballs at your enemy. The only time those sticks ever seem to have any real effect is when Vice uses one toward the end of season three.

Originally Posted by DezoPenguin

Not having seen the Coldlight subs, I can't comment (I don't recall him referring to Lutecia as an artificial mage, but honestly, I've only seen StrikerS all the way through once so it would be very easy for some obscure reference to slip by) on this. What I do know is that the Project F/Fate creations were always referred to as "artificial mages." Keroko or the like might be better able to clarify the All There In The Manual details...

You're not the only one saying this so I may reword those passages...

Originally Posted by DezoPenguin

Ah, yes, that was why I expected he'd founded it (since so far as the original concept goes, the Shadows were created soon after the TSAB's founding, so...in the range of 70-75 years prior to Strikers if my timeline's not all bollixed up again). I'd assumed that in your version of the story, it had been Chrono's personal tragedy that led him to build the agency once he reached flag rank--and that, moreover, its relative lack of long-term standing was what made it especially vulnerable, politically.

I was trying to make it as close to RB's canon as possible, but I just messed up. I removed the offending line and now it no longer reads as if NSIS was a recent creation, and simply states that the TSAB created NSIS as a solution to the "white knight" problem their own recruiting and training methods create. (This is what RB intended, if I remember correctly from my earlier reading).

[Jimmy C]

It's funny, I partially wrote replies to two posts before I realized what I wanted to talk about was unneccessary.

Originally Posted by DezoPenguin

What I do know is that the Project F/Fate creations were always referred to as "artificial mages."

No, they're not. I'd like to know where you got this impression from. After going through the relevant scenes (in ep24) again, I've come to the conclusion that synaesthetic is correct. Intentional Artificial Mages (as presented in the series) can be made from any base, including natural humans.
Project F creations were supposed to be perfect replicas of their originals. But some of them seemed to have developed magical abilities that the originals didn't have. Hence, you can consider Fate and Erio artificial mages in the sense that they're a)Artificial creations, not natural-born and b)mages with active Linker Cores. But neither of them went through the "adjustment" process intended to create the kind of Artificial Mages (note the uppercase) that Ginga described in ep11.
As a side note, I wouldn't be suprised if Jail had slipped in something that increased the odds of developing an active Linker Core into the Project F process.

Not having seen the Coldlight subs, I can't comment

If you've seen the yesy subs, that's basically it. He ripped their subs and put them on his encodes.

[Satashi]

Western!Nanoha...

Well, I was never really into westerns, but I think it could work. Throw in a little Trigun and Outlaw Star, and I think we have a good mix of lost technology, caster guns, magic, and western feel that could work......maybe.

Anyway, here we go!

Spoiler for For Allquall:

The planet of midchilda, once a lush planet tinted with green and blue. However, the humans grew too strong, and a world war broke out. Millions died, and the scientist all but died by their own weapons. Technology lost, and the planet scarred, the humans struggled to rebuild their way of life. Now, a few hundred years later, the planet will house a new story. One of The Fate, the Nanoha, and the Hayate.

Dirt and sand kicked up behind a horse as it galloped alongside of a speeding train. The black haired animal breathed heavily as it's master urged it to go faster, mentally asking it to hold on for just a bit longer. Seconds passed and a ladder came within grasp of the rider and a gloved hand shot out to grab it. With an awkward, but practiced, leap of faith, a figure made it onto the moving train. A black cape whipped out to the side of the person, revealing a female body.

Blond hair was flying heavily in the wind, kept in a ponytail that was braced at the base of her neck. A black shirt was worn to cover her upper body, paired with a red and black vest that housed quick reloads for a gun that was flapping against her legs in a holster. Jeans that were worn and dirty clung to her legs, almost seeming to be a size too small for the woman. Matching boots were on her feet, but no spurs graced the heels. Finally, a red bandanna was around her neck, matching her eyes perfectly.

The woman shifted her body and slid around to in-between two of the cars. Now free of the rustling wind, she drew her pistol and opened the door leading into the conductor's room. Before the man could even turn around, he was pistol-whipped and fell unconscious to the ground. Reaching for the brake, she pulled it back just enough to slow the train down to a crawl. With that taken care of, the woman turned and walked back outside and then into the boxcar behind. Seeing nothing of interest, the woman continued her trip back, grinning as she saw a car housing several people. Kicking the door open, she stepped in and fired her gun at once, getting screams and then silence. "Greetings!" She called to them with a smile. "I'm sure you know what's going on now, so please by good passengers and place your valuables into this bag." Reaching back, she pulled a large sack that was behind her cape and flung out her wrist to make it flare out and open up. "If anyone tries something funny, I'll blast them, we clear?"

Walking down the isle slowly, the female robbed each one in turn, smiling and thanking them for their kindness at gunpoint. When she reached the end of the boxcar, she stopped at the sight of a woman wearing a pretty white dress. The woman seemed to be asleep, with a Sunday hat with ribbons and frill pulled down a little to keep the sun from her face. The girl's nails were painted a bright pink and a lace ribbon looped around her left hand for design. "Excuse me, miss," The robber spoke, making the woman stir. "This is a robbery here, I'd like your belongings."

A hand went up to the sitting girl's mouth. "Oh gracious me, a robbery you say? My, I don't know nothing about what I should do!" The thick southern accent only added to the woman's innocence, and the robber hesitated a moment before speaking again.

"Look, just take your pretty jewelery and place it in this bag."

"Like this?" The accented voice asked politely, moving her hand to place a golden watch into the bag.

"Hey, Outlaw!" A voice shouted from the front.

The robber turned at once, pointing her gun to where the sound came from, but saw no one offering any resistance. Instead, she found her wrist being grabbed and when she turned back, a boot connected with her chin, knocking her back.

"Fate Testarossa," The accented voice spoke, now paired with a bright white, pink, and blue gun pointing at the fallen robber's chest. "You're worth quite a pretty penny, you know?"

Fate blinked and looked up as the woman removed the silk white hat from her head, showing a pretty face and bright blue eyes. "Nanoha Takamachi... Bounty hunter, huh? Should have known you'd come after me sooner or later." Nanoha grinned at her, but found her legs tripped from a fast move from fate, making her stumble and fall over as well. Fate quickly got to her feet, grabbed the bag, and left the boxcar before Nanoha could pull her gun again. "Thank you!" Fate shouted out as she climbed to the top of the boxcars

Nanoha grunted and got up, running out the door and hopping to the ladder, only to duck her head back down when a bullet bounced off the metal in front of her. Letting out a sigh, she pulled her gun up and shot over the top of the car twice before jumping up and looking around. Fate was nowhere to be seen, making the woman run along the top. After a few seconds, she ran to the side and looked down, seeing the tail end of Fate's cape as she moved between cars again. With a running start, Nanoha leaped over the car gap and ran along it, dropping down between the next car and ducking. Seconds passed and Fate shot through the door and was tripped by Nanoha at once.

Fate shrieked but recovered before falling, twisting and grabbing Nanoha's dress roughly. With a turn, Fate attempted to throw the woman off the train but instead only managed to slam her against the wall.

A loud ripping sound came, and Nanoha looked at her dress, which was now sporting a long tear near her shoulder. "Hey! You tore my dress!"

"Sorry," Fate answered out of habit. A small silence passed between them before they attacked each other again. The women grunted and struggled, throwing a few punches while trying to aim their respective guns at each other to get a shot off. Finally, Fate glared and jumped back. With a grin, she waved goodbye and jumped once more, off the train.

"Hey, wait!" Nanoha shouted, running forward and looking to the side, seeing the woman struggling to right herself onto her horse. Following, Nanoha leaped as well, fumbling as she landed and running just fast enough to grab a hold of Fate. The blonde, however, managed to right herself and whipped her reins, making the horse gallop at once, leaving Nanoha on her face and in the dust.

"See you!" Fate called out triumphantly.

Nanoha coughed hard and pushed herself up. Her dress was smeared with sand and dirt, making her frown. "The rental fee on this is going to be horrible..."

"At least you didn't lose your head," a new voice came.

Nanoha looked to the side and saw a ferret on the ground, her Sunday hat in his mouth. "Thank you, Yuuno," Nanoha bent down and accepted the hat as well as allowed her partner to run up her arm and sit on her shoulder. "But it isn't all that bad,"

"Oh?" The animal cocked his head to the side. "You lost your pay and ruined that dress."

"She'll come back," Nanoha insisted, watching Fate continue to ride away.

"What makes you say that? She got away clean."

Nanoha grinned, holding up a gun. The sun's light reflected off the polished golden surface, making the black on the handle and red streaks on it stand out even more. The word Bardiche was engraved on the gun proudly. "It's a caster gun, she will want it back." Clicking the gun open, Nanoha removed a bright yellow bullet and slid it into her pocket. "I'll take this as payment for the dress."

Yuuno turned to look at the gun as the conductor of the train got out to see if Nanoha was all right. "A caster gun," he spoke softly. "Part of the lost technology of the past... How did she get one?"

"I don't know," Nanoha began walking to the man approaching her. "But I intend to find out."

~**~

A woman smiled to herself as she watched Nanoha board a train from afar. A black one-piece top/skirt combo covered her body, accented by a yellow zipper that zig-zagged over it. A white hat with black trim covered her short brown hair and short boots were on her feet, coming up just a little over her ankles. "Interesting," She spoke out. "The rumors are true, Nanoha-chan does have a spirit linked animal."

"So it seems," A male voice answered her. Walking up beside Hayate, a wolf with shockingly dark blue hair stood beside her. "Are you going to follow her?"

Hayate pulled her hat down a little to block the sun shining down on her eyes. Slowly, a smile came to her face and she turned to walk back to a group of people on horses waiting for her. "Why not? Signam, Shamal, Vita, we're going to have a fun few days ahead of us."

[deathcurse]

Originally Posted by synaesthetic

Here, have some fic.

false light
A false light casts a darker Shadow...

Spoiler for false light ~ chapter 01:

*snip

Spoiler for author's notes:

Blargh, I hate that it took me so long to squeeze this out. It's not even that long...

Anyway, here it is, my little contribution to RadiantBeam's "Shadowsverse." I think I'm going to have quite a bit of fun writing this. So far it's going pretty good, but this is just the beginning. It'll get even more interesting soon enough, once Lutecia tracks Celica down.

I don't know when I'll start work on Chapter 02. Probably a little tonight, maybe tomorrow. My drive to write is seriously, seriously compromised when I'm stressed, upset, depressed or don't have any nicotine. Or all of the above.

Oh, also, those of you who read the first few versions of Celica's profile in OCT may be slightly confused. The profile's been updated to reflect the changes I made during the penning of this fic.

It's on fanfiction.net also: click me.

I love the "friend to take down friend" plot, those are always so tragic and full of angst . Hm, and I found a kind of irony for Chrono to trust Lutecia to bring Celica in alive....not that Lutecia kills on all of her missions, but that's what she's infamous for, so it seemed kind of ironic to me .

Political intrigue, yay!

Originally Posted by sniperk

Cards And Devices
Chapter 16 - Beginnings

Spoiler for Chapter 16 - Beginnings:

*snip

Spoiler for Previous Chapters:

Chapters 1 Card & Chapter 2 Flow
Chapters 3 Friendship & Chapter 4 Skirmish
Chapters 5 Aftermath & Chapter 6 Travel
Chapters 7 Arrival & Chapter 8 Meeting
Chapters 9 Song & Chapter 10 New Generation
Chapters 11 Mission & Chapter 12 Confession
Chapter 13 Decisions
Chapter 14 Rescue
Chapter 15 Encounters

Spoiler for Author Notes:

Sorry about the rather slow pace in these last few chapters. I'll try to put a little more action sometime soon.
Thanks to Daughter of Ether for Beta'ing this.

Damn, I need to catch up ....but LOL, the cosplay rears its head .....Hayate's definitely a good example of the "quirky but competent" commander !

Originally Posted by synaesthetic

Damn, Auris is a real bitch.

Originally Posted by RadiantBeam

...

Auris, you're a bitch. I don't think even death is kind enough for you.

Originally Posted by sniperk

I was wondering why every comment had the same line. Now I understand. Auris, you ARE a real bitch. -.-"

But, something that still bothers me is that everything is going according to Auris plans. It's not like Hayate to let so many openings. At least, I think it's not. *scratches head*

BWAHAHAHA XD!!! Glad to see such unanimous agreement!

Awww, does no one love Auris' mastermind-ful scheming? And yes, it's not like Hayate to leave so many openings....

Originally Posted by DezoPenguin

I don't think Lucino actually has a personality in StrikerS that you could make mistakes on. Most of the time I outright forget she even exists...

In this situation, I found Auris to be very bitchy indeed. In this case, she comes into the cell, browbeats a kid (regardless of what she actually did, this is our first look at Raven and it's "helpless little kid in jail being confronted with an evil mastermind"), attempts to get her to make damaging admissions, and deliberately tries to shake Raven's confidence in Hayate. All while we know she's snickering in her own mind going, "Yeah, kid, you just sit there and hope that the jury feels merciful so I get the fun of ordering your assassination instead of having to let the law punish you for me!" You can almost hear the ojousama laugh.

LOL, glad to see I'm not contradicting canon ! I debated on using Shari or Alto, but they actually have some semblance of personality that I might mess up .

Ouch, when you put it that way, she does sound quite nasty indeed! Maybe I ought to throw in a more sympathetic scene to redeem her character?

[itanshi1]

@Satashi: Ah nice one, I like how you described Fate in the beginning.

[RadiantBeam]

Originally Posted by Kaijo

Baby Got Back Mountain?

Remember this. This is important.

[Kaijo]

Originally Posted by 00-Raiser

Well, it kept being pushed aside by other things, but since people wanted it, I have revised and extended Dependence. I removed some things Satashi had a problem with, and wrote a 2nd part of it based on what Kaijo suggested.

Remember, it's lime scented with mature subject matter and a high squick factor.

Spoiler for Dependence:

It really is amazing how quickly things can change. As I attended school that day, I had no idea that a large gathering was taking place elsewhere.

Apparently they thought that the enemy would never expect a meeting of such powerful and influential individuals to happen in a little café on an unadministrated planet.

They were wrong.

I lost practically everyone that day. My mothers, my grandparents, and people I had considered my aunts and uncles… They had all vanished in an explosion that took the city block with it.

I responded to the news in the way one would expect a ten year old to react when they are pulled out of class and told their lives would never be the same. Shock, confusion, denial, anguish; all were present in the tears and sobs that I let out. To think that that morning when I went off to school was the last time I would ever see my mom… If I knew I would have said so much more to her.

What was to become of me was a matter that terrified me. Anyone who could have been considered next of kin died in the explosion, so would my future consist of foster home after foster home? I didn’t want to be the in care of complete strangers for the rest of my life.

But there was still one person. Due to his busy schedule he hadn’t been able to attend the meeting and escaped the fate of the others. When he asked me if I wanted to live with him, it was truly a tiny ray of hope penetrating the gloomy clouds of despair. He was some one I liked and looked up to, so I agreed pretty much right away.

Something really struck me that first time I saw him after the incident. His eyes. Before his eyes would always sparkle with caring kindness but now they had become dark and empty. I understood it, though. He was just like me; he too had just lost virtually everyone he ever considered important in his life. Our pain was the same.

It was awkward adjusting at first. Our time together passed in silence, neither of us sure what to talk about. I think most of our energies were spent trying not to cry in front of each other so we had none to spare for idle conversation. Even when we heard how the culprits had been brought to justice, we never discussed it. What was there to say anyways? The fact that the killers were caught did nothing to ease our grief.

I cried myself asleep a lot for the first several weeks, but there were also times where I didn’t get any sleep at all. I would just lie there in my new, unfamiliar room and long to feel the warmth of my mothers once again.

It was one of these nights when he first came in. At first I thought he was just there to check on me, so I tried to create the illusion that I was okay by pretending to be asleep. I was quite surprised when instead of leaving he pulled back the covers and climbed into bed with me. He did no more than that and soon he appeared to be asleep as well. I took the opportunity to snuggle up against him, feeling the familiar warmth of another person. It made me feel much happier and it reminded me that despite all that happened I wasn’t alone. I had him there with me, so I thought that everything might turn out all right after all.

It became a normal occurrence since then. He would always get into bed with me when he thought I was asleep, occasionally draping an arm over me and pulling me close. The act filled me with warmth and prevented nightmares from chasing me when I did finally fall asleep. I was happiest at night receiving the affection my guardian might have been too embarrassed to give me while I was awake.

One night, instead of going to sleep like he usually did, I felt his eyes on me for quite some time. Eventually I felt his hand begin to gently caress my hair for some reason. I didn’t know why he suddenly decided to do that, but I didn’t mind. It felt rather nice and it made me fondly remember the times mama would do my hair for me. The soothing action made me fall asleep much quicker.

More weeks passed before his hand didn’t stop at my hair and begun skimming down my neck, up my shoulder, and across my arm. It went back and forth on this path, and while it did tickle a bit I didn’t find it unpleasant. At this point I was still just basking in the affection I was receiving.

I think I started to feel something was off the night he began stroking my legs. That seemed to go beyond a simple display of affection and I couldn’t figure out why he would do something like that. It still wasn’t unpleasant, but… I just wasn’t sure. I thought that maybe I should finally talk to him about what happened at night, but when I tried to mention it, I couldn’t bring myself to. While he had begun smiling more, his eyes still retained that bleak expression they had at the start of all this. The only time I truly saw him at peace was while he was sleeping. Perhaps what he was doing was something that made him feel better? That was the conclusion my young mind came to. Since he was the one providing for my every need, I could at least allow him to do something that made him happier, right? I owed him that much, didn’t I?

My eyes snapped open the first time I felt his hand slowly make its way under my shirt. I had my back to him at the time so he didn’t notice and kept going. He tickled my tummy before going further up and I had to keep my voice from coming out as I felt his cold hands rub me there. I froze, mentally panicking about what was happening. I distinctly remember my mamas and my teachers telling me about my special places and how I wasn’t to let anyone touch them. But then I recalled that only people who loved each other very much were supposed to touch each other like that. My mamas used to touch each other like that when they thought I wasn’t looking, so it couldn’t really be a bad thing, right?

I relaxed when I thought that. Didn’t that mean that he was just showing how much he loved me? That made me incredibly happy and I began feeling really good. I loved him a lot too so I let him keep going.

He would stay true to his pattern and several weeks after he began one thing, he started another. In addition to putting his hand up my shirt, he started planting kisses around my neck. Each time he did so it sent a pleasant tingle through my body and although I was glad he showed he cared, I had to make sure to wear shirts with tall collars the next day. I knew questions would be raised if any of my friends or teachers saw the marks, and I knew they wouldn’t approve if they knew what was going on. Part of me was aware that what he was doing was considered wrong, but my young mind didn’t know why that was. It felt nice and it made him happier, so what was the problem?

I almost let out a yelp when his hands went inside my panties. It was a completely foreign sensation that I had never experienced before so I was unprepared for it. I still made a slight mumble, but I didn’t think he noticed because he just kept continuing. It felt really strange but it didn’t hurt or anything so I didn’t see a reason to get him to stop. It felt good and eventually…

The next act was different than the others. Instead of him touching me, this time he took my hand and made it grip him. I guessed that it was finally time for me to make him feel good. While he moved my hand, I could hear him pant next to my ear. It caused my mind to fog over with pleasure knowing that I was the one making him feel that way. If I could make him forget all his pain and sadness for even just a few moments, I was happy to let him do anything.

Weeks turned into a year and not much had changed. I would pretend to sleep while he did whatever he wanted. We never brought it up during the day and I had liked it that way. Night time was a special time where we could be together without it affecting other parts of our lives. At least, that’s what I thought. But really I was just feigning ignorance because I was afraid that if he knew that I was awake, he would stop. If he stopped loving me then I would be all alone and I didn’t want that.

During the year, my body had begun to change in various ways. Apparently I was a very early bloomer and he took that as a sign that I was finally ready for that ultimate act of love. He hesitated at first, as if he wasn’t sure if he should go through with it, but he eventually made his decision. It hurt at first, but he was gentle and I got used to it.

I lost myself at the end of it and was unable to keep my voice restrained or my eyes closed. I looked up to see the horror on his face as he remained motionless. He then tried to pull away, but I held him in place with my legs and cupped his cheeks with my hands. I made him look at me and smiled lovingly at him, telling him that it was okay and I knew he did it because he loved me.

He started crying then, and I assumed it was tears of joy so I hugged him close to me. But then he started sobbing apologies over and over again and I became confused. Why was he saying sorry like he had done something bad? We were two people who loved each other, so it was okay, right? I asked him this but he didn’t answer. He just kept apologising.

I didn’t get an answer to my question that night and I was even more confused when I found him gone the next morning. It was the weekend and he should have had the day off, so where did he go? Wasn’t what we had done the night before something special? Shouldn’t we have become closer because of it? Instead the empty room made me feel like I had become truly alone.

He didn’t come home that day but instead a kindly elderly looking woman did. She told me she was a housekeeper that had been hired to look after me while my guardian left on an extended business trip. I didn’t believe it at first, having heard nothing about such a trip, but the woman had the paperwork ready to show me. Even as young as I was, I recognised his signature at the bottom. So after all that he had just abandoned me. Why? Had I done something wrong? Was it because of something I did that he doesn’t want to be with me anymore? Will he ever come back? Those were the thoughts I had at the time.

He never did come back. I still lived in his house and was provided for by his money, but I never saw his face again. The housekeeper would come, cook, clean, go shopping for any essentials I needed, but that was all. I returned home every day after school to that soulless place, still wondering what I did to be left behind.

The answer came in the form of a box that was delivered with notification: my truant benefactor had died in an accident on his trip. Apparently he fell in a drunken stupor and cracked his head open on the landing. Just as suddenly as before, I had been cut off from the last important person in my life. In the box were what little personal items he had with him. I forget what exactly was in it, but I will never forget the hardcover book that was there. I opened it and recognised his hand writing immediately, the dates in the corner of each page clueing me in that this was his journal.

Perhaps I didn’t have the right to read it, but if I didn’t, then who did? I began reading in hopes of finding the answers I had been seeking.

XX-XX-XXXX,

I can’t believe what happened today. They were supposed to be safe there, so why… Gone… All gone in an instant, everyone that meant something to me, gone… Just how am I supposed to go on now?

XX-XX-XXXX,

So she hadn’t been there after all… At least that’s some good news amidst this tragedy. We only have each other now, so it’s up to me to take care of her!

XX-XX-XXXX,

Sometimes the pain is almost too much to bear, but I have to be strong! I have new responsibilities now, so I have to do my best! Surely that’s what she would have wanted me to do.

XX-XX-XXXX,

The nights are the worst. Every time I close my eyes I see her, engulfed in flames, screaming for help. Being alone in bed just gives my mind time to think and it always lingers on the memories of those I’ve lost. Is there any way I can achieve peace?!

XX-XX-XXXX,

I couldn’t sleep again, so I decided to see how she was doing. She looked so lonely there in bed, just like how I felt. I thought perhaps I could ease both our pain together, so I decided to join her. I know she had slept together with others before, so perhaps this could remind her of a happier time? She seemingly approved as she had moved closer to me when I joined her. I certainly felt immense comfort being there with her. I hadn’t felt this since I shared a room with her so long ago.

XX-XX-XXXX,

I’ve noticed she’s cheered up just a bit, and I’m glad to see it. I suppose being with her at night is the cause of it. If that’s the case I see no reason not to continue.

XX-XX-XXXX,

This feeling of nostalgia I get… Yes, it feels just like when I was with her. The more I look, the more I see her there. It can’t just be a coincidence.

XX-XX-XXXX,

I’m positive now, she is there! She has come back to me! I thought I had lost her forever, taken from me before I got an opportunity to show how much she meant to me, but I have been given a second chance! I can finally show her my love!

XX-XX-XXXX,

It’s hard to control myself now. The actions I take become increasingly bolder, but she accepts everything! There’s no way she remains asleep when we are together, yet she continues to allow it. As I thought, she does return my love after all! I don’t know why she feels the need to feign sleep. Perhaps she is just embarrassed, or perhaps she enjoys this little game? Whatever the case, what I have longed for for so many years is finally mine! I think she’s finally ready to make our love complete.

XX-XX-XXXX,

… What have I done? I… I’ve done such a horrible thing to this poor child! When she looked at me with her eyes I realised what I was doing… She is not the one I wanted. I had projected my desires onto her and I… I was supposed to take care of her! I was supposed to protect her but instead I violated her! She’s in danger with a monster like me, but what can I do? There is no one else to take her in! I have to continue providing for her, but I can’t stay here. I’m too afraid of what I will do to her next.

XX-XX-XXXX,

I’ve decided. I’m going to leave on an extended business trip, and I will hire some one to take care of her needs. I will continue supporting her, but from a safe distance. I have no right to ask for forgiveness, but I pray that child at least can find some happiness.

At first I didn’t want to accept what was written there, but after re-reading it I couldn’t stop myself from accepting the truth: his actions were not because he loved me, it was because he saw me as some one else.

The first thing I did was toss the book across the room. Hot tears had streaked down my face as the feeling of being used and betrayed sunk in. The man who had taken me in, the man who I thought I loved and who I thought loved me used me to indulge his fantasy and then ran away in guilt before dying pathetically. I was angry. It was a fiery hot rage that vented itself on any unfortunate pieces of furniture that were nearby. The housekeeper sure was surprised to see how thoroughly I destroyed the place. I recall resisting the urge to deck the woman as well.

Once those feelings drained away, all that was left was a hollow despair. Thinking about it more, I berated myself for allowing it to happen. I should have known what he was doing to me was wrong, and perhaps if I had told some one about it, I could have gotten him the help he needed. I could have saved him, but I didn’t.

It wasn’t my fault, though. I was the victim. At least, that’s what my therapist tells me. I was a child and didn’t know any better apparently. I still wonder if that actually holds water.

So what else was there for me to do after losing everyone that could have taken care of me? I was old enough, so I enrolled at the Bureau’s training academy. I dropped out of magic school to do so and moved into the dorms. I just couldn’t stand being alone in that apartment anymore, not with all those memories there. At least my roommate and fellow trainees help hold off the loneliness.

This is all I can think to do right now. I had contemplated going to join everyone, but my armour won’t allow me to do that. I hope what’s left of my life can find some sort of meaning by following in my parents footsteps. What else do I have?

But who knows… It really is amazing how quickly things can change.

Sorry again for offending everyone by not considering the feedback. In the future I shall remember to indicate if a fic I post is a toss away or not. Just remember I appreciate and am happy to recieve any and all kinds of feedback.

Much improved; it helps to get that other viewpoint in there, and the new ending only pushes it harder into the tragedy category. As I said before, not really my cup of tea, but thought I'd at least let you know that it does come across much improved.

[Allquall]

Originally Posted by Kaijo

Bare Breast Mountain?

Edit: Page claim for Lesbo cow girls with guns!

Got a good laugh out of this. I was meaning real westerns, but, hey, we're running low on Western-themed porn as well.

Deep Canyon or Bust!

Originally Posted by DezoPenguin

I suspect that it's a target demographics problem. Not only are Westerns generally a dying breed (even romance-novel historicals with a cowboy setting seem to be fewer and fewer by the year), but I'm guessing that very few high-school and college-age girls (the largest proportion of fanfiction writers) are within the group that reads Westerns.)

I find this a sad reality which I hope changes. There's something thrilling when you study the historical West. Hell, even the frontier/desert areas of Mongolia and Russia have rancher tales similar to their North/South American comrades. Maybe it's because good and evil are shades of grey and social mores are a bit more negotiable.

Originally Posted by Satashi

Western!Nanoha...

This. This made my day! Thank you!

[spawnofthejudge]

Originally Posted by Satashi

Western!Nanoha...

I was thinking also throwing in part Wild Arms, as it seems to be very appropriate for the setting change.

[Nijiru]

Originally Posted by Allquall

I find this a sad reality which I hope changes. There's something thrilling when you study the historical West. Hell, even the frontier/desert areas of Mongolia and Russia have rancher tales similar to their North/South American comrades. Maybe it's because good and evil are shades of grey and social mores are a bit more negotiable.

That reminds me, I should try and get my hands on some of my dad's Louis L'Amour books again. Haven't read them in ages. Thanks!

[RadiantBeam]

Originally Posted by Allquall

I find this a sad reality which I hope changes. There's something thrilling when you study the historical West. Hell, even the frontier/desert areas of Mongolia and Russia have rancher tales similar to their North/South American comrades. Maybe it's because good and evil are shades of grey and social mores are a bit more negotiable.

I actually had an idea with the West as a backdrop, but ultimately I dropped it. I can't even remember why, but for some reason I did. I wish I could remember the original idea, I'd like to try my hand at a Western and see what would come from it.

[Tempy]

Wild Wild West.

Starring:

Captain Nanoha Takamichi of the US Army.

US Marshal Fate T. Harlaown.

Miss Hayate Yagami searching for her best friend (lover) Carim.

Dr. Jail "Loveless" Scaglietti as the villain with his strange steam-bots "Gadgets" and his clone harem personal guard "Numbers."

Lindy Harlaown as President of the United States of America

All other characters shafted appears as supporting cast members.

Except Yuuno. He gets to be "The Man with No Name."

*wanders off to watch more Sergio Leone*

[RadiantBeam]

Originally Posted by Tempest Dynasty

All other characters shafted appears as supporting cast members.

They're all just busy riding a bus doing other duties, out on the range, and can't be fully involved in the story or given proper development.

[00-Raiser]

Originally Posted by Tempest Dynasty

Wild Wild West.

Starring:

Captain Nanoha Takamichi of the US Army.

US Marshal Fate T. Harlaown.

Miss Hayate Yagami searching for her best friend (lover) Carim.

Dr. Jail "Loveless" Scaglietti as the villain with his strange steam-bots "Gadgets" and his clone harem personal guard "Numbers."

Lindy Harlaown as President of the United States of America

All other characters shafted appears as supporting cast members.

Except Yuuno. He gets to be "The Man with No Name."

*wanders off to watch more Sergio Leone*

Does this mean we'll get a spiffy music video too?

Oh! And Tempest, you got any plans for more Noland/Kaon stuff? I'm still waiting for some!

[Tempy]

You want more Noland/Kaon? I suppose I could post something I've been working on and off for a while.

That or the Noland/Keroko one...

...

Yeah, I haven't done much writing in MGLN. Damn you To Aru.

[00-Raiser]

Originally Posted by Tempest Dynasty

You want more Noland/Kaon?

Yup! I don't know why, but they're the only OCs I like. I read them in that sleep over fic you did, and they just appealed to me

[RadiantBeam]

Originally Posted by 00-Raiser

I lost practically everyone that day. My mothers, my grandparents, and people I had considered my aunts and uncles… They had all vanished in an explosion that took the city block with it.

Um, grandparents? Do you mean Shiro and Momoko? And Kyouya and Miyuki? Because I can understand the people on Mid being blown away with a blast, but it doesn't make any sense for her to lose her relatives from Earth unless they all moved to Mid.

That's really my only serious critique, honestly. I still don't quite buy Yuuno sliding into madness and mistaking Vivio for Nanoha revived from the dead, but that's just me.

It's really good, though. Much improved from the first time around.

EDIT: Pageclaim for improvement!