Dating

[yoropa]

Teasing works for some people, but not all. In my mind only guys who are attractive or interesting can pull something like that off successfully. I know that me, with my broken English, would never be able to pull off something like that, hah. I hate my accent so much. It's not even a legitimate accent. Like, according to speech therapists and professionals, it's an unusual mix of a multitude of different ones. I wish I could just stick with a singular accent, even if it's foreign.

Being able to speak properly is necessary in maintaining a healthy social life.

[Kaijo]

Originally Posted by Lio

Have you thought about...

A woman who is intelligent, knows how the world works and is fully capable of logical/critical thinking skills,

But doesn't want to be just a platonic equal when she's with you?

Not entirely understand what you're trying to get at. I want a woman who I can last 40+ years with. Over the course of time, physical attraction and romantic feelings will fade. The only thing that will endure is if the two are extremely good friends who can communicate.

My own parents are still married after 40+ years, as are the other parents they hang out with. It's given me a very good idea of what a real relationship takes. The women I've dated or gone out with, haven't had that.

[RadiantBeam]

Originally Posted by Arbitres

yeah, i'm just that pathetic.

If you're thinking of improving your confidence, you have to do your best to not let these kinds of thoughts cross your mind. Which is hard. I had much of the same mentality in regards to myself throughout my middle school years, and even now it's still extremely hard to shake. But the first trick to getting someone to love you is loving yourself first, as generic as it sounds.

[yoropa]

Originally Posted by RadiantBeam

If you're thinking of improving your confidence, you have to do your best to not let these kinds of thoughts cross your mind.

Far easier said than done unfortunately.

[cheyannew]

Originally Posted by Kaijo

Not entirely understand what you're trying to get at. I want a woman who I can last 40+ years with. Over the course of time, physical attraction and romantic feelings will fade. The only thing that will endure is if the two are extremely good friends who can communicate.

My own parents are still married after 40+ years, as are the other parents they hang out with. It's given me a very good idea of what a real relationship takes. The women I've dated or gone out with, haven't had that.

I'm the same way (though my parents are totally not an ideal situation, they've just stayed together because my father was raised the perfect feeder for my mother's mental condition lol his mom had it too).

My husband says all the time he doesn't consider me his wife, I'm his best friend, who he happens to sleep with etc.
Never before in my life (not even with my first hubby mind you) have I ever felt this....
Comfortable? Content? I'm not sure 1 word can encompass it. But I have absolutely NO problems imagining us 50 years from now, still together, etc. My hubby's folks were married till death separated them prematurely (they passed away in 2001 & 2004, neither older than 65). The feelings I have for him have "matured" over the last 13 years we've been married, as well, and before him, I'd have never imagined myself with someone for this long LOL My longest relationship before had been a whopping 2 years.
The other couples we know? *sigh* not so lucky or careful with their choice of mates. I know more on again off again couples than anyone should, and though they've SORT OF been together for 10 years I dont' count it. When you're taking a few months away from one another at a time, it resets the clock, IMO. I think my gf & her hubby're the next longest couple we know, they've been married 10 years this year, I believe, and work very similar to my hubby and I, so I imagine they'll last as well.

It's worth it to wait, IMO. Date if you want, sure, but don't feel like you HAVE to, or that "OMG! I HAVE to get married NOW!!!!" or anything silly like that. You may end up settling for Mr or Ms RIGHT NOW instead of RIGHT. I have more respect for someone who waits 20 years before marrying than someone who's had 4 marriages in that 20 years :P

[ChainLegacy]

If you have self-image problems you may want to give Psycho-Cybernetics or other such books a read. They really can help.

[Throne Invader]

Originally Posted by Kaijo

Not entirely understand what you're trying to get at. I want a woman who I can last 40+ years with. Over the course of time, physical attraction and romantic feelings will fade. The only thing that will endure is if the two are extremely good friends who can communicate.

You sure about that? I mean sure most people won't grow to be more pretty or handsome as they grow into their forties but I don't think there won't be any romantic feelings anymore. Some people will still have features their spouse may find attractive like deep blue eyes or broad shoulders. I know elderly couples in our neighborhood and in our church who are still very much in love. They don't really go all lovey dovey but even though they act like they're only good friends, it doesn't mean the romantic feelings are gone. Somehow when you look at them standing in front during their anniversaries you can see or feel or at least I can see or feel that at that moment they're looking into each others eyes just like back then at their wedding. How romantic indeed

Of course I'm not criticizing you or anything. I don't disagree if you think you and your spouse will just be like friends when you pass 40+ years.

Originally Posted by cheyannew

My husband says all the time he doesn't consider me his wife, I'm his best friend, who he happens to sleep with etc.

I'm actually surprised you'd be okay with this but then again I considered that you live a different lifestyle than most people who are married and have intimate relations with only one person. If my husband said that to me, I would be really hurt. That statement would come off to me asides from the wedding, children, and finances that I was just some kind of fling who he took more seriously than others but not serious enough.

But then you and your husband have an understanding so that's good

[cheyannew]

Originally Posted by FragrantFlora

I'm actually surprised you'd be okay with this but then again I considered that you live a different lifestyle than most people who are married and have intimate relations with only one person. If my husband said that to me, I would be really hurt. That statement would come off to me asides from the wedding, children, and finances that I was just some kind of fling who he took more seriously than others but not serious enough.

But then you and your husband have an understanding so that's good

Why would I not be alright with being my husband's best friend in the entire world?

What it means when he says that is that he trusts me implicitly, and our bond goes further than the bedroom. Also I only have intimate relations with my husband, so that's rather moot. Most longterm couples I know have the same thing going; they are one another's best friend. The sex, etc is merely a nicety, not the important part of it.

I think what Kaijo meant, and I fully agree with, is that if there's not a basis of friendship (which if you think about it, romantic relationships often START as normal friendships), then the relationship may be a short one.

"Wow I was attracted to person X, but they got old." vs "Wow, X is my best friend and I can't wait to share the next 40 years with them. Those crow's feet kinda grow on you."

[Narona]

Originally Posted by Kaijo

Not entirely understand what you're trying to get at. I want a woman who I can last 40+ years with. Over the course of time, physical attraction and romantic feelings will fade. The only thing that will endure is if the two are extremely good friends who can communicate.

My own parents are still married after 40+ years, as are the other parents they hang out with. It's given me a very good idea of what a real relationship takes. The women I've dated or gone out with, haven't had that.

Not true for all, at leats about romantic/love feelings (yes because I doubt people who are 100yo for example have sex often)

It's not a critic towards your parents at all, but it's not always like how it is for them. But as long as they are happy, whatever how the achieve said happiness, I guess everything's alright

Anyway, I remember a program about the very old people in France (because there are more and more veryu old people), and they showed a couple like that. Still being in love and holding hands while being sooooo old That was romantic.

"I can't believe you wore those shoes just to impress me! They aren't bad, but I would have gone for something with a little less heel, if you wanted to get my attention."

(High) Heels are not good for the bloodstream in the lower part of a girl's body, and it's uncomfortable (yes I know no one cares )

"Are you sure you want a slice of my incredibly fattening pizza? You'll have to do a lot of running later to work it off."

Dangerous sentence because you can't know what a girl thinks. You can even find thin girls still concerned about their weight. Therefore, you take the risk that the girl will get annoyed by it, even said as a joke.

"Well, if you're getting a slice of pizza, what do I get? There needs to be a valid exchange for this transaction to take place. One slice equals one kiss. Or at least your number and E-mail address, your choice."

Not a good sentence if the girl dislike those who act nicely while in fact expecting something in return, even said as a joke.

Essentially, you have to broadcast that you're not intimidated by them. On a basic level, women want a strong and confident man, and by saying things like this, you show them that you are one. They like a man that knows what he wants and isn't afraid to go for it.

There is confidence and over confidence. TBH, there are girls who would prefer a more shy boy than taking the risk to date an overconfident jerk (yes that kind of girls exist at least here). Just saying.

As a side note, this is why the average woman goes for the "bad boy" and continues to fawn over him, long after he's done lots of stupid, deadbeat things. Why does she continue to care about the lowlife who doesn't hold down much of a job, if any, and is obviously a detriment to society in general? Because he can exude this attitude.

That would be my only reply as a woman towards what those women do

[cheyannew]

Originally Posted by Narona

Anyway, I remember a program about the very old people in France (because there are more and more veryu old people), and they showed a couple like that. Still being in love and holding hands while being sooooo old That was romantic.

Oh, I LOVE seeing that!!!!!!!!!!

Seriously, I get all but teary-eyed at an elderly couple who're still obviously so in love They don't paw at one another or play tonsil hockey or anything, they just look or smile at one another and you can tell from across the room, etc.

I can't wait to be one of those

OK I can but you know what I mean LOL!

[Ascaloth]

Originally Posted by cheyannew

I can't wait to be one of those

I thought you already were one of those.

*GTFOs*

[Tsuyoshi]

Originally Posted by Narona

Not true for all, at leats about romantic/love feelings (yes because I doubt people who are 100yo for example have sex often)

It's not a critic towards your parents at all, but it's not always like how it is for them. But as long as they are happy, whatever how the achieve said happiness, I guess everything's alright

I think that's why there are those people who think elderly couples don't love each other as much as before. As they're not quite as capable of having sex, they give other people the impression that they don't love each other as much as they used to. I'm not saying Kaijo is one of those people, but there are people who do think that way, and a lot of them. A girl who feels she needs sex to feel loved has to think about what life can be like for her when she's too old to do that kinda thing. How will she feel loved then?

Originally Posted by Narona

Anyway, I remember a program about the very old people in France (because there are more and more veryu old people), and they showed a couple like that. Still being in love and holding hands while being sooooo old That was romantic.

Originally Posted by cheyannew

Oh, I LOVE seeing that!!!!!!!!!!

Seriously, I get all but teary-eyed at an elderly couple who're still obviously so in love They don't paw at one another or play tonsil hockey or anything, they just look or smile at one another and you can tell from across the room, etc.

This.

Originally Posted by cheyannew

I can't wait to be one of those

OK I can but you know what I mean LOL!

I can also imagine that being such a loving couple at that age can set a really good example to your grandchildren and your children as well (in laws or biological, what have you).

EDIT: How's this for a pick up line

"If I asked you to have sex with me, would you give me the same answer that you would give to this question?"

[Narona]

Originally Posted by cheyannew

Oh, I LOVE seeing that!!!!!!!!!!

Seriously, I get all but teary-eyed at an elderly couple who're still obviously so in love They don't paw at one another or play tonsil hockey or anything, they just look or smile at one another and you can tell from across the room, etc.

I can't wait to be one of those

OK I can but you know what I mean LOL!

They interviewed also an old frenchcouple last year for the valentine day for the television news. But to be fair, one could still wonder if they are honest or just act like that for the camera. I want to believe that they were honest though.

[RadiantBeam]

Originally Posted by Yoko Takeo

"If I asked you to have sex with me, would you give me the same answer that you would give to this question?"

This is actually sort of a tricky question, because if you say "No" to it whoever's dropping you the line can just as easily turn around and say to you, "Is that a response to this question or to you having sex with me?" Clever.

[synaesthetic]

Originally Posted by Narona

Anyway, I remember a program about the very old people in France (because there are more and more veryu old people), and they showed a couple like that. Still being in love and holding hands while being sooooo old That was romantic.

I hope someone does me the favor of killing me, or I discover the secrets of immortality, before I get that old and decrepit. Anything after 60 is the death zone, no thanks. =|

[0utf0xZer0]

Originally Posted by Narona

There is confidence and over confidence. TBH, there are girls who would prefer a more shy boy than taking the risk to date an overconfident jerk (yes that kind of girls exist at least here). Just saying.

I often think that one of the biggest challenges shy people face is getting noticed by the right people. And speaking from experience it can take them a while to express their feelings too.

Also speaking from experience, I would advise not operating a motor vehicle while listening to a shy girl say she wants to go out with you.

[Narona]

Originally Posted by synaesthetic

I hope someone does me the favor of killing me, or I discover the secrets of immortality, before I get that old and decrepit. Anything after 60 is the death zone, no thanks. =|

Why asking for other to kill you... If you want to die, do it yourself :x

Joke aside, you're not there yet.

[Dilla]

Originally Posted by Narona

They interviewed also an old frenchcouple last year for the valentine day for the television news. But to be fair, one could still wonder if they are honest or just act like that for the camera. I want to believe that they were honest though.

Since this was from two years ago, I believe one of them may have died, but I found this pretty cool none-the-less. And I'm not even a romantic.

http://www.newbernsj.com/news/herber...-children.html

They lived less than an hour away from me.

[synaesthetic]

Originally Posted by 0utf0xZer0

Also speaking from experience, I would advise not operating a motor vehicle while listening to a shy girl say she wants to go out with you.

laughing very hard

[Narona]

Originally Posted by Dilla

Since this was from two years ago, I believe one of them may have died, but I found this pretty cool none-the-less. And I'm not even a romantic.

http://www.newbernsj.com/news/herber...-children.html

They lived less than an hour away from me.

Between the rests, they enjoy their children, ten grandchildren, nine great-grandchildren and nieces and nephews.

Both say that if they had it to do over, they would not change their life.

Their legacy is not in peril xD

Nice read anyway. ^^