Sexuality

[Narona]

Originally Posted by RadiantBeam

Well, in that case the hymen can be broken by a lot of things; it doesn't just have to be by masturbation. Girls can break their hymens by riding, playing sports... it's a pretty easy thing to break.

I know it can break during sports like equitation/horse riding, gym or bike riding etc.

[Narona]

It might be a bit difficult at first, and would require some discussion. I don't like feeling selfish, and if she's only having sex with me so that I can get something out of it, it might make me feel a bit odd at first. I suppose I'd need some extra love and comfort, and to be told "It's okay, I want you to feel this way because I love and care about you, so please."

That's not what I meant. I didn't mean a girl who will force herself to give pleasure to her husband, but about the very few women who are not interested in sex or only when it comes to make babies. Since men (and most women i guess too) are interested in having sex for pleasure, It happened that I wondered what men would think if they ever meet a girl like that, in the case that said actually would not force herself to have sex when she doesn't want. Extreme case, I know, but you made me curious about what your reaction would be

[Kafriel]

On the matter on masturbation, I believe that most men see it as something naturally introduced to their lives, and that has to be done after a certain period of time (could be a month, could be two days, haven't really compared myself to others).
Also, I was surprised to learn that the hymen can break while biking(!), gotta note it down...

Since men (and most women i guess too) are interested in having sex for pleasure, It happened that I wondered what men would think if they ever meet a girl like that, in the case that said actually would not force herself to have sex when she doesn't want. Extreme case, I know, but you made me curious about what your reaction would be

If they're not interested in sex for pleasure and are married already, their husbands would be considerate enough NOT to ask for sex for their own personal pleasure, it would kinda harm their conscience.

[Narona]

Originally Posted by Kafriel

Also, I was surprised to learn that the hymen can break while biking(!), gotta note it down...

It can happen because of the friction, but also because of the shocks, bumps (in the case it's not "Exercice" bike)

Originally Posted by Yoko Takeo

Or maybe they really don't care about it .

Never denied that.

I didn't say it as a critic. I apologize if you saw it as insulting.

[Tsuyoshi]

Originally Posted by Narona

Never denied that. And in some cases, breaking/tearing hymen doesn't even make the girl bleeds, since some girls have very thin hymen. So no, it doesn't case any "damages".

Interesting. If that's the case, it may not always bleed during the act itself.

Originally Posted by Narona

I didn't say it as a critic. I apologize if you saw it as insulting.

I wasn't offended, nor do I see any reason to be offended since I'm a guy. I'm just sayin'

[Kaijo]

Originally Posted by Narona

That's not what I meant. I didn't mean a girl who will force herself to give pleasure to her husband, but about the very few women who are not interested in sex or only when it comes to make babies. Since men (and most women i guess too) are interested in having sex for pleasure, It happened that I wondered what men would think if they ever meet a girl like that, in the case that said actually would not force herself to have sex when she doesn't want. Extreme case, I know, but you made me curious about what your reaction would be

Well, they can be related. If a girl just plain doesn't have the genetic code to get pleasure from sex, she could end up forcing herself to pleasure her husband, or have children. But this is extreme, because most can derive pleasure from it, especially if the guy knows what he's doing, and the girl knows how she likes to be touched.

I have to admit that, if I'm married, I'd like to have sex with my wife on a regular basis, even if she doesn't get anything out of it. Sex is a another bond, a way of feeling close to someone you love, and I have to admit, I'm a normal healthy male in this regard. I wouldn't want to force her, but if I'm married, there should be enough love between us that we can work out something. A relationship is about trade-offs and compromise, and there will be things she likes me to do. I'd gladly do them, even if I don't particularly care for it, just because it makes her happy. So it's kind of what I hope for in return.

Originally Posted by Kafriel

On the matter on masturbation, I believe that most men see it as something naturally introduced to their lives, and that has to be done after a certain period of time (could be a month, could be two days, haven't really compared myself to others).

Well, as a point of reference, it can be daily for me, but I can also go weeks without feeling the urge. Most men fall into this category.

And yeah, men get it rudely introduced into their lives. You wake up and find out that you're in a bit of discomfort because you're laying on your stomach and a part of you is hard that didn't used to be. It confuses you until you touch to find out what's going on, and well, the rest is history, heh.

[Kafriel]

I have to admit that, if I'm married, I'd like to have sex with my wife on a regular basis, even if she doesn't get anything out of it.

It would feel like using her, so I wouldn't, UNLESS!

there are things she likes me to do

so as to make it a two-way route.

this is extreme

Actually is it even possible? I can only think of cases where psychological trauma is involved, and even there it can be cured with the proper procedures.

[Narona]

Originally Posted by Yoko Takeo

Interesting. If that's the case, it may not always bleed during the act itself.

I wasn't offended, nor do I see any reason to be offended since I'm a guy. I'm just sayin'

It may not, but I guess the girl would at least feel something if it's still intact though.

[Tsuyoshi]

Originally Posted by Kaijo

I have to admit that, if I'm married, I'd like to have sex with my wife on a regular basis, even if she doesn't get anything out of it. Sex is a another bond, a way of feeling close to someone you love, and I have to admit, I'm a normal healthy male in this regard. I wouldn't want to force her, but if I'm married, there should be enough love between us that we can work out something. A relationship is about trade-offs and compromise, and there will be things she likes me to do. I'd gladly do them, even if I don't particularly care for it, just because it makes her happy. So it's kind of what I hope for in return.

I can agree with this to some extent, although as one who believes married life is one of unconditional love, I don't want to expect things in return for all the things I do for her. In terms of sex, if she doesn't really want to be sexually active, I'm fine with that. If she wants, that's also good. Always expecting something in return might become a little demanding of a relationship in the long run. It makes the two sides of the relationship distinct and individual when it should be a wholesome union.

Originally Posted by Kaijo

And yeah, men get it rudely introduced into their lives. You wake up and find out that you're in a bit of discomfort because you're laying on your stomach and a part of you is hard that didn't used to be. It confuses you until you touch to find out what's going on, and well, the rest is history, heh.

I wasn't........

EDIT: Don't get me wrong, I'm quite capable of erections. I just didn't wake up with wood while lying on my stomach

[Kusa-San]

This thread is starting to get ugly >_>"

[Kaijo]

Originally Posted by Yoko Takeo

I can agree with this to some extent, although as one who believes married life is one of unconditional love, I don't want to expect things in return for all the things I do for her. In terms of sex, if she doesn't really want to be sexually active, I'm fine with that. If she wants, that's also good. Always expecting something in return might become a little demanding of a relationship in the long run. It makes the two sides of the relationship distinct and individual when it should be a wholesome union.

The problem is that relationship sociologists have noted that the best relationships are ones where both people are getting their needs fulfilled. You say you don't mind, but it'll be a small annoyance that will build, and over time, that's going to explode in unhealthy ways.

Sex is a natural human thing for people in a certain age range. In a relationship where one wants and the other doesn't, and thus it doesn't take place... means it's an unequal relationship. It's not different than if my wife liked receiving flowers and gifts or surprises at certain times, and I didn't like to do that, so I didn't. Over time, her love for me would diminish, until she just puts up with me.

It's vitally important that each person is a partner in the relationship, and understands the need for sacrifice for the other. You're no longer just two people, but one person, so it's your own life and well-being that you are working with.

In essence, the wrong people got married to each other. It's no different than if two people married because of the hot sex they both enjoyed, but the relationship was lacking on one side or the other for other things. That's not a relationship that will last; there needs to be a balance, give and take.

[Nogitsune]

Originally Posted by Kafriel

Actually is it even possible? I can only think of cases where psychological trauma is involved, and even there it can be cured with the proper procedures.

*waves*
Yes, it's possible.
It's called asexuality, and it can't be cured anymore than you can turn a homosexual into a heterosexual.

Originally Posted by Kaijo

I wouldn't want to force her, but if I'm married, there should be enough love between us that we can work out something. A relationship is about trade-offs and compromise, and there will be things she likes me to do. I'd gladly do them, even if I don't particularly care for it, just because it makes her happy. So it's kind of what I hope for in return.

Originally Posted by Kaijo

Sex is a natural human thing for people in a certain age range. In a relationship where one wants and the other doesn't, and thus it doesn't take place... means it's an unequal relationship. It's not different than if my wife liked receiving flowers and gifts or surprises at certain times, and I didn't like to do that, so I didn't. Over time, her love for me would diminish, until she just puts up with me.

This way of thinking might be justified when it comes to an "indifferent asexual", but for a "repulsed asexual", there's a huge difference between bringing someone flowers when they don't feel like it and having sex.
Since I'm an aromantic asexual, I don't have this problem as I don't have the desire to enter into a relationship with someone, but if I did, I can tell you that I would never, never force myself to have sex with or french kiss a person, no matter how much I loved them. The mere thought repulses me, and forcing myself wouldn't be any better for the relationship than it would be for myself.
So yeah, if it didn't work without sex and french kissing, it would end in a break-up sooner or later, anyway.

[ChainLegacy]

I'm with Kaijo on this one; sexual frustration is a real thing observed in nature and we'd be lying to ourselves if we said it doesn't happen to humans. A man that has sexual needs and is supposed to be in a monogamous or polyamorous relationship would probably feel really frustrated and forlorn if he isn't having his needs satisfied. And can you blame him? It's his instinct! For the most part people are meant to desire sex and their bodies think something is wrong if they aren't getting any. Now I know, respect, and understand there are outliers but for most people what I say is true.

[Kaijo]

Originally Posted by Nogitsune

This way of thinking might be justified when it comes to an "indifferent asexual", but for a "repulsed asexual", there's a huge difference between bringing someone flowers when they don't feel like it and having sex.
Since I'm an aromantic asexual, I don't have this problem as I don't have the desire to enter into a relationship with someone, but if I did, I can tell you that I would never, never force myself to have sex with or french kiss a person, no matter how much I loved them. The mere thought repulses me, and forcing myself wouldn't be any better for the relationship than it would be for myself.
So yeah, if it didn't work without sex and french kissing, it would end in a break-up sooner or later, anyway.

I find this fascinating on a scientific level, so I'm glad you shared it. It also works as a great example.

Assuming you are female and we became close friends where a relationship is possible... I'd recognize the inherent differences in us, and realize a standard romantic male/female relationship isn't really possible, because we are too different; we desire different things, and dislike different things.

So this is kind of what I wanted to get across. I don't see myself getting involved with a woman who is so against sex, so the point is really moot. The chances are low I'll end up with such a person is very low just based on odds alone, as most women do have at least a bit of attraction to sex (when they discover it), so it's not going to be an issue of being forced. Obviously, if I'm married to a woman and she's not in the mood right now, I'm not going to force it, either.

I think the last sociology thing I read suggested a healthy couple engage in sex 2-3 times a week, and that couples who drift out of this can start having trouble in other areas. But that's just an average, and each couple needs to find the mutual place that works for them.

[Nogitsune]

Originally Posted by ChainLegacy

I'm with Kaijo on this one; sexual frustration is a real thing observed in nature and we'd be lying to ourselves if we said it doesn't happen to humans. A man that has sexual needs and is supposed to be in a monogamous or polyamorous relationship would probably feel really frustrated and forlorn if he isn't having his needs satisfied. And can you blame him? It's his instinct! For the most part people are meant to desire sex and their bodies think something is wrong if they aren't getting any. Now I know, respect, and understand there are outliers but for most people what I say is true.

And that's fine.
As long as you don't expect asexuals to sacrifice themselves to forcefully keep their relationships with sexual people intact. Sometimes it works out without the sex pretty well - yes, it happens -, and often it doesn't. In such cases, it's not that the asexuals don't love their partners enough - it just doesn't work.

Originally Posted by Kaijo

Assuming you are female

Yep, I am.

and we became close friends where a relationship is possible... I'd recognize the inherent differences in us, and realize a standard romantic male/female relationship isn't really possible, because we are too different; we desire different things, and dislike different things.

So this is kind of what I wanted to get across. I don't see myself getting involved with a woman who is so against sex, so the point is really moot.

*nods* I can completely understand that. Love may be a powerful force, but I don't believe it can really conquer everything.

The chances are low I'll end up with such a person is very low just based on odds alone, as most women do have at least a bit of attraction to sex (when they discover it)

True, although I think there are no reliable statistics yet on how many asexuals there are. Some say there are as many as there are gay people and that the majority of them just keeps a low-profile and/or, yes, forces themselves - often they have never even heard of asexuality and think something is wrong with them.
But yeah, I'd say the odds of you falling head of heels for an asexual are indeed pretty low.

[Lio]

Originally Posted by Mystique

That is actually an interesting perspective to have, not one that I've seen/heard of before despite being spiritual.
(Besides, wouldn't you say that carrying a baby through the 9 months and giving birth safely is achieving a mission of sorts? I mean she's only risking the lives of herself and the growing child after all...)

On a side note, pardon me for nabbing the bolded phrase, should I get all pensive and feel like tossing a quick profilic description in regards to myself concerning this area.

I haven't thought about it in that context - childbirth isn't my domain.
It's more clear in moments of intimacy. If a woman tells her man to "turn on the heater"... no man could possibly want her at that moment. It might seem small but if you accidentally swipe your man with masculine energy in the wrong moments, it's that bad. Rather, you would say "I'm really cold" and cross your fingers that he gets it.

It's like when a girl asks "What do you want to do?" and the guy goes "I don't know honey what do you want to do?" I'm sure it's just as bad for girls as it is for guys when we get swiped with the wrong energy.

Be my guest.

Originally Posted by Yoko Takeo

I can agree with this to some extent, although as one who believes married life is one of unconditional love, I don't want to expect things in return for all the things I do for her. In terms of sex, if she doesn't really want to be sexually active, I'm fine with that. If she wants, that's also good. Always expecting something in return might become a little demanding of a relationship in the long run. It makes the two sides of the relationship distinct and individual when it should be a wholesome union.

That's fine if the couple just wants a stable relationship where they can find themselves in the comforts of unconditional love... like good friends.
But the most common complaint about relationships is lack of passion. "I love him/her, but something's missing." And I would imagine that most people want a partner who's more than just a good friend.

[Nogitsune]

Originally Posted by Lio

I haven't thought about it in that context - childbirth isn't my domain.
It's more clear in moments of intimacy. If a woman tells her man to "turn on the heater"... no man could possibly want her at that moment. It might seem small but if you accidentally swipe your man with masculine energy in the wrong moments, it's that bad. Rather, you would say "I'm really cold" and cross your fingers that he gets it.

It's like when a girl asks "What do you want to do?" and the guy goes "I don't know honey what do you want to do?" I'm sure it's just as bad for girls as it is for guys when we get swiped with the wrong energy.

All right, I'm not an expert on sexuality, but... I strongly disagree.
If I understand you correctly, you believe that a man does not want to receive "orders" from a woman during intimate moments, while women want their men to be able to make decisions.
Call me a feminist (which I probably am), but I don't think this is all that gender-specific, and in fact varies from person to person. Even if I was sexual, I'd totally go for "turn on the heater". It would never occur to me that that might be a turn-off for the guy as long as I'm not snappy about it.

Edit: Oh, and I think I'd be very happy to be asked what I want to do instead, assuming it was at a time I've somewhat of an idea/preference and wouldn't end up thinking about it for hours.

[ChainLegacy]

Originally Posted by Nogitsune

And that's fine.
As long as you don't expect asexuals to sacrifice themselves to forcefully keep their relationships with sexual people intact. Sometimes it works out without the sex pretty well - yes, it happens -, and often it doesn't. In such cases, it's not that the asexuals don't love their partners enough - it just doesn't work.

I don't expect asexuals to sacrifice themselves. In fact all I really mean to say is sexually-oriented people shouldn't be sacrificing themselves either.

[ConfinesOfTheDark]

Originally Posted by Miko Miko

What is your sexuality?

Do you think it matters what sexuality you are?

Have you ever been bullied for your sexuality?

I think sexuality is a very important subject, so Discuss.

And to be honest I am confused about my sexuality at the moment..

Hm, interesting question. I don't want to get into the conversation at hand so I'll say this:

I'm straight, male, I have a somewhat jaded homophobia towards gay or bisexual men (but seem to have no problem with straight, bi, or lesbian women or girls, whatever).

Yes, I have been bullied because of my sexuality; most of my critics ended up in the hospital with severe or life-threatening injuries.

And I think it's natural to be confused about your sexuality. Until I was 5, I didn't realize I was a dude not a girl. It takes time to find out who you are so take your time. I've read of how you were born male but you feel like a woman. I have a stepsister who was male, but honestly felt she was a girl. After a few surgeries, she finally is who she really thought she was: a woman.

Basically, if you feel like a girl go for it. Get the external changes and I would think that you would feel like you are finally born.

[synaesthetic]

Uh, Miko Miko isn't the transgendered person here...

Also I'm wondering just where in the hell you lived to get bullied for being heterosexual.