2011-07-01, 02:27 | Link #9261 | |||
I don't give a damn, dude
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: In Despair
Age: 37
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And really, I'm not buying this, because of what you said afterwards; Quote:
The second point? Pretty much an obvious indication of the priority she's putting on the relationship, as well as a major underlying reason for it. You're concerned about how important you are to her? You'd be right, and this would be why. Quote:
So, yes. You're better off doing the hot potato thing, or if you're not the natural jerkass that I am, letting her down gently. To be honest, this kind of thing should have been over long ago. |
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2011-07-01, 02:35 | Link #9262 |
Disabled By Request
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To be brutally honest, friend? I honestly don't believe this would end well if you two commit to something more long term. With all these issues you mention, it sounds more like she's distancing herself from you, be it intentional or not. The same exact thing happened with my ex, what with me being agnostic and her being a Muslim. Now, the problem wasn't the fact she was overly religious, but her family is made of hardline Muslims, and that made it really hard for me and her to commit to something, especially when she was very devoted to them from the start. Add to that the fact she was studying in China at the time made things worse. Because of all these things, and the fact I was becoming less and less of a priority to her, we had to break up and I tell you now, it was painful.
Your situation sounds very familiar to me so I need to tell you, if you plan on something more solid with her, like having kids, it's gonna be rough. My advice is this: break up with her, take some time to yourself, and when you feel ready, seek out another girl who is more open to possibilities, someone you can have easier discussions with and not worry about these differences and worries. This thing about her wanting her kids to love God more than life itself, more than themselves, would be slightly irritating even to MY parents, and they're pretty devout believers so that's saying a lot. A future with this girl, I find it pretty hard to swallow. P.S. If I sounded rude, I do apologize for it was not my intention. I'm just trying to lay out what I make of your situation as clearly as I could. |
2011-07-01, 03:29 | Link #9263 | |
Senior Member
Join Date: May 2004
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@ Tsuyoshi Not rude. Almost like my case, word-to-word. Her family is hardline and she is very loyal to them. I have met them, though, and they have given their blessing. Interestingly, it's me who is heading to China We agreed to have a month off. No contact at all and see how we feel after having a fresh start. That's when I gotta say would I go into this again or not. By the sound of the comments so far, I have every reason to say 'no.' Except for the feelings part, which is all 'yes' >.> |
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2011-07-01, 04:03 | Link #9264 | |
Disabled By Request
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Only recently, I attended a marriage where a couple did exactly that and you may as well have gone to Sunday mass for what it was worth. They were the type for that so all blessings and fortune to them. Your girl seems to be the type for that as well, tho I'm fairly certain you aren't, which is why I say that a future with her, if possible, is going to be really rough and sketchy. It's your call in the end, but take this from someone who'se pretty much been in your same position: either choice won't be easy, but staying by her will be much, much harder for you in the long run. |
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2011-07-01, 05:31 | Link #9265 | |
He Without a Title
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: The land of tempura
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As for the whole religion subject I won't touch it out of fear of triggering a storm of off-topic that might go into flame mode in this thread. I have very strong belief in my lack of belief (pun intended). However I'll add this: while it's not unusual for couples to have different religious ideals and, unless one or both are fundamentalists, it can workout given smart enough people to accept each others conflicting views. In your case Ending it seems like your mind is made up and honestly it would be better for both of you to break up but especially to you since you've made it pretty clear that she, unlike you, isn't apparently fully committed to the relationship.
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2011-07-01, 19:15 | Link #9267 | |||
Honyaku no Hime
Fansubber
Join Date: May 2008
Location: In the eastern capital of the islands of the rising suns...
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You're taking the month break and your heart is tugging at it's strings, what you gonna do for yourself in the meantime to get back on track in life? You mentioned more issues than religion (On her end, I guess at some point she'll ideally wanna convert you) - distance, lack of intimacy and the rest, it's so strained, it sounds like you're just staying together for the sake of doing so but it's making you both miserable at present. Friends and keeping in touch is always fine if you get on otherwise but 2 years and it's feeling this dire, sometimes shutting one door opens another to something better that's waiting for the both of ya, take your chances. And mentioning religion doesn't automatically equal flaming unless people start trolling just to piss others off for no reason, otherwise there's no way on earth that the religion thread would have survived on Asuki all this time. It is sensitive though, so it's only natural that you'd get a few heated replies, take them in your stride as I have to do so with others Quote:
*scratches her head in mild frustration* (-_-#) Get used to it and deal with it, uh huh, like I didn't know that human beings are a messed up species by default but our imperfections are what make us interesting and unique however. Where in my post which you failed to also quote did I harp on about wanting the 'perfect guy'? The point was to stress out that certain levels of strain and conflict for things that are deeply enrooted in people (if they're set in their ways) are a source for distress and misery concerning relationships. He was relating the flaw aspect to her faith, (to give Ending a break tho, he did follow up saying that she also sees the same in him since ideally I guess she'd want him on a similar level to her) which as we find out now is just one issue among others between him and his girl but that alone usually can make or break things, as in Tsuyoshi's case and with a close friend of mine, even if the couple somehow get around it, family can be another issue. Just note that to find flaws with one faith is as integral as their race, gender, sexuality as well. Since for many atheists (not all before I get another reply for not stating out the obvious) cannot see or sense that importance, is why I point it out from time to time. It's not so trivial as to say you find flaws with someone who is a stubborn ass, lazy or quick to temper or has other bad points that can be supported within a relationship. (since it should ideally be bringing the good out of both people while they cover each other's backs). In Endings' cause that doesn't seem to be the case at all sad to say. Quote:
We also don't have this whole 'fundie fundie' thing which probably as with a lot of things on Asuki, sticks me on a diff platform from Americans, cause you guys are frustrated with a lot more religion wise that what I'm used to or grew up with in London. Fianceé wise, depending on which sect of Buddhism, most I know follow it in a similar way to the Japanese, they say their daily chants (some have alters) and have a liking for it's stance rather than devoting to any particular being. In that sense, it demands hardly anything, there's very little room for conflict. Since most are letting sleeping dogs lie, I better do so too on the religion note. I've no issues with faiths around the world, I love researching, discussing the differences (debating doesn’t always mean “arguing”) and looking into some of the mythology and lore that comes with them. But as with most things I see a + or - for in a thread that I feel strongly about, I will play devil's advocate and take up a stance on the other side just to toss both sides of a coin in a debate. You can call that a ‘flaw’ with me on the way I debate on forums
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2011-07-02, 03:46 | Link #9268 | ||
Senior Member
Join Date: May 2004
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I have no doubt that she would had relaxed quite a bit about the religious issues if she had come to me now, since when we were together, it wasn't a problem at all. She is a social person and sucks in all the influence around her. With me, she was less zealous. With her family, she became like an old-time crusader. I'm not kidding: that part of the world is still warring a guerrilla war with muslims, since they are treated as second-class citizens. Openly declared non-believers would be hung in front of the church if the priests gave even a slightest suggestion of it. It's a 3rd world country with a reason. When she is nearer to her 30s, I think she has truly become a hardline adventist. Quote:
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2011-07-02, 07:51 | Link #9269 | |
Knight Errant
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Dublin, Ireland
Age: 35
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Like the fact that it's a church run singles event might start tipping you off |
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2011-07-02, 19:42 | Link #9270 |
Test Drive
Author
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Might be better off in the long run, considering your personality and beliefs, to try and avoid anyone who is very religious. It could cause you more harm than good if it comes to a relationship, especially if it leads you right back through what you just left.
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2011-07-03, 02:04 | Link #9271 |
そんなやさしくしないで。。。
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: NSW, Australia
Age: 29
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I had epiphany that probably many people have had before me today (while playing a visual novel, lol):
There's not going to be any of those sweet moments anymore when both people don't know that the other likes them, and it's getting to that point where being without them is horrible, and so they cling to each other awkwardly while avoiding the sexual and emotional tension ;_; |
2011-07-06, 19:05 | Link #9272 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Tennessee
Age: 36
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Girl : Am I pretty?
Boy : NO. Girl : Do you want to be with me forever? Boy : NO. Girl : Would you cry if I walked away? .................................Boy : NO. She heard enough, and was hurt. She walked away, tears ran down her face. The boy grabbed her arm. Boy : Your not pretty, your beautiful. I don't want to be with you forever, I NEED to be with you forever. And I wouldn't cry if you walked away, I would DIE. (Boy whispers) : Please? Stay with me. (Girl whispers) : I will. Tonight at midnight your true love will realize they love you. Something good will happen to you between 1-4 pm. Tomorrow it could be anywhere. Get ready for the biggest shock of your life! If you don't post this to 5 other pages. You will have relationship problems for the next 10 years. |
2011-07-06, 19:52 | Link #9274 | |
PolyPerson!
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Northern VA
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If my true love (lol) doesn't already realize they love me, some stupid chain post is so not going to make them realize it.. Do people actually fall for this nonsense?
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2011-07-06, 20:30 | Link #9279 | |
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Suburban DC
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Tags |
advice, break-ups, dating, dating after divorce, divorce, happiness, love, pairings, single dad, single mom |
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