Dating

[DonQuigleone]

Originally Posted by GDB

Got a career starting, so won't be moving abroad. Freedom and independence is nice and all, until you realize you don't have anything to do with that free time except feel a longing for a partner.

Really, it'd be nice at this point to be able to have a conversation with a potential interest without being given the cold shoulder and shrugged off almost immediately.

If there's anytime to do it, it's towards the beginning of your career, before you get shackled down by relationships (if you've got any of course) and work ties. Far as I can see you need maybe a year or two of experience (and cash) first, just so you have a decent chance of getting anything, but after that I'd just go for it.

I think it's a pretty positive career move, and some places will have vastly better job prospects then home. And it's a chance to have some adventure, which is a good conversation starter with the ladies.

Also "I'm foreign" is a top notch chat up line and conversation starter when abroad. I managed to get my feet wet talking to women while on exchange with it, which is a lot more then I ever got in Ireland.

Foreigners are considered exotic. Or maybe it's only Irishmen. My choice to emigrate is also made easier by the high levels of unemployment here. 14% is nasty, and it's like 33% for young men(<25).

[Flinch]

Eh, the Tiger Economy will return... someday...

[Samari]

Originally Posted by Ricky Controversy

Anyone who thinks cliques and popularity contests cease when you get out into the adult world is fooling themselves. The only thing different is the stakes and the methods. Kids are expected to do these things, so they get away with being obvious in their divisive behaviors, and we say it's fine because in the end, the repercussions rarely extend very far. In the adult world, such things can destroy lives, so people play their games as secretively as possible.

There are still social circles, but in high school, at least at mine, it was more of a big deal. Even more so in junior high. Whereas when you go to college it's like "okay you're in a clique, who gives a shit/good for you". Some colleges are so big and there are so many people coming and going it's not really a big deal. And if you think it is, you're going to college for the wrong reasons, or rather concerning yourself over something that is stupid. Especially at that age level. Unless it relates to your future job or something, then being concerned with cliques/who's who isn't really a huge thing.

Originally Posted by donquigleone

Regarding Dating, it depends on a variety of factors whether college is better then High School.

I can say for me that it's been far worse. A large part of this though is that I study Engineering, which is 90% male, so it's very difficult to meet women through classes. And you can't meet women through your guy friends because, of course, they're in the same situation as you (and know no women!). It's also worth remembering that all those people you had 0 in common with in Secondary School are present in equal numbers in college.

Hobbies ain't much better because my hobbies are Games, Anime, Sci-fi, and History. All of which tend to be male dominated too. Anime obviously does have female fans (as evidenced by this thread) but not in Ireland!

College (or at least my college) is quite fractious, and it's quite difficult to meet people if you don't have one of the above in common. There are Parties of course, but I've never enjoyed them much, as in Ireland they tend to be alcoholic binges, and again they really depend on who you know. What parties I've been too drew on the social scenes I was involved in, and were consequently 90% male . What girls there were always girlfriends of one of the guys too.

Now in High School at least there's an even gender balance and you can actually meet women. Alas at the time I was too nervous to ever talk to women.

Luckily I'm nearing the end of University (won't miss it), but I don't know if the working world will be any better. Hopefully it will be!

So yeah, there are those of us who go through College never dating at all. I'll admit it was largely my own lack of confidence early on, but later it was more just lack of opportunity. I'd say it's similiar for a lot of other Engineering Students, this image sums it up nicely...

EDIT: also some of that excessive homework can leave you too burned out to even consider trying to date girls. Not as nearly as bad in Ireland as the USA though (where I did a year's exchange). Stress still gets to you though.

That's a funny photo. I understand what you mean. A little. Colleges are so broad and different in terms of area and study, that it really does depend on what you go to college for and where that college is it. If you go to a school like UCSB for example there are loads of girls that are attractive, at least in the sense that our society deems as "attractive" I like to think.

I've experienced a little bit of this. In my department at my school, the illustration department, there are not very many girls I would find attractive. My girlfriend is one of the few...so I was fortunate in that regard that she happened to be an illustration major. But at my school there are a lot of other majors too, so it's not hard to look if you know where to look. The fashion department for example has the most attractive women in my opinion than any of the other 15 or so majors by far...especially when compared to illustration. All in all it depends what kind of girls you are into.

As for the other way around with girls looking out for guys, I obviously can't comment on that.

[Magin]

I'd say it all depends on where one goes- the cliques, sororities and fraternities are all more likely to be in play at "prestigious"/"private" universities or colleges. I went to a community college myself, and while a bit of division did seem to exist, it wasn't anything major; just that people seemed to go to one side of the cafeteria or the other: one side being the various forms of "nerds", and the other "everybody else". And even then, there was no "you can't sit here, you belong with the other group", just a noticeable trend of where one felt more comfortable and seemed to have more friends.

Anyways, I just wanted to throw something out that happened tonight. I was on my way out of work, and I happened to bump into my ex, who was getting out of work early herself. So we ended up hanging out for a bit in my car, and one of the things that she brought up was that she heard I wouldn't date her again because she's pregnant. I told her that as much as I'd consider getting back together with her if she wanted to with me, it would be best for both of us if we didn't. As I've said before, I'm going away for college in the fall, and while it's not exactly the longest drive from her house to the college I'll be at, she'll have a child to care for in addition to me perhaps being her boyfriend. And I ain't ready to be a father either. So, I ended up rejecting her, and to her face, saying I wish to remain a close friend... it would be best for both of us. Now, I've been on the receiving end of rejections for a very, very long time, and thought I would never be able to reject a woman, especially one who I find as lovely as herself. And damn, did it hurt... add on top of that that although she said she understands and we have to do what's best for both of us, it pained her as well. And I'm the type of guy who hates hurting a woman unless she's being a real bitch. So, adding that on top, this was almost as painful as when we broke up. I know making the right choice ain't easy at times, but I never realized just how painful it could be... at least she told me that I'd better stay in close contact, and that one way or another, I should visit her at times (else she'd apparently kick my ass... ).

Damn... I hope that counts as making a mature choice, though it sucked like hell

[Samari]

Originally Posted by Magin

I'd say it all depends on where one goes- the cliques, sororities and fraternities are all more likely to be in play at "prestigious"/"private" universities or colleges. I went to a community college myself, and while a bit of division did seem to exist, it wasn't anything major; just that people seemed to go to one side of the cafeteria or the other: one side being the various forms of "nerds", and the other "everybody else". And even then, there was no "you can't sit here, you belong with the other group", just a noticeable trend of where one felt more comfortable and seemed to have more friends.

Anyways, I just wanted to throw something out that happened tonight. I was on my way out of work, and I happened to bump into my ex, who was getting out of work early herself. So we ended up hanging out for a bit in my car, and one of the things that she brought up was that she heard I wouldn't date her again because she's pregnant. I told her that as much as I'd consider getting back together with her if she wanted to with me, it would be best for both of us if we didn't. As I've said before, I'm going away for college in the fall, and while it's not exactly the longest drive from her house to the college I'll be at, she'll have a child to care for in addition to me perhaps being her boyfriend. And I ain't ready to be a father either. So, I ended up rejecting her, and to her face, saying I wish to remain a close friend... it would be best for both of us. Now, I've been on the receiving end of rejections for a very, very long time, and thought I would never be able to reject a woman, especially one who I find as lovely as herself. And damn, did it hurt... add on top of that that although she said she understands and we have to do what's best for both of us, it pained her as well. And I'm the type of guy who hates hurting a woman unless she's being a real bitch. So, adding that on top, this was almost as painful as when we broke up. I know making the right choice ain't easy at times, but I never realized just how painful it could be... at least she told me that I'd better stay in close contact, and that one way or another, I should visit her at times (else she'd apparently kick my ass... ).

Damn... I hope that counts as making a mature choice, though it sucked like hell

Sucks, but you didn't get her pregnant. A baby is a big responsibility. I remember a year and a half ago when my friend knocked up a girl by accident. Now his entire life is upside down. He's happy for the child and everything, but now all of what he thought he was going to do is on hold and all of a sudden he has a family to take care of at the age of 23. We don't even really hang out anymore.

[DonQuigleone]

Originally Posted by Magin

I'd say it all depends on where one goes- the cliques, sororities and fraternities are all more likely to be in play at "prestigious"/"private" universities or colleges. I went to a community college myself, and while a bit of division did seem to exist, it wasn't anything major; just that people seemed to go to one side of the cafeteria or the other: one side being the various forms of "nerds", and the other "everybody else". And even then, there was no "you can't sit here, you belong with the other group", just a noticeable trend of where one felt more comfortable and seemed to have more friends.

I never really had the "you can't sit here" come up in Secondary school, a bit perhaps in the early years (12-14), but by the time I was 15 or 16 it kinda fizzled out. I think the excessive cliqueyness may be an american thing, as while it was there, it wasn't entrenched, and there wasn't any significant bullying (Junior years were a bit of a b**** though). Maybe it's the Uniforms? You certainly don't see that whole deal in Anime either. So I think High School vary a lot too.

Certainly I find my College just as cliquey as High School, particularly with certain societies and the Student Union. The difference is that you can avoid them. But when student societies get dominated by cliques, you kinda can get cut off from socialising, believe it or not the nerdy societies were just as cliquey, the SF soc, where I was for a while, had a major case of bloated heads. Looked down on the Game society like they were inferior beings... The more popular groups just thought the Game society was a bit eccentric.

Which is why I don't think College is absolutely better then High School, it depends on many factors.

[Khu]

We're all good friends throughout the entire school at my high school. Not much bullying going round, though there probably is some going around somewhere...but in general,we're all cool.

[RadiantBeam]

In my high school, as long as you knew what group you fit in and stayed with that group, you rarely had any trouble. Unless, of course, you went looking for trouble.

[Kaijo]

I'm at a point in my life when I'm generally happy with the way I am, but...

5 Reasons being Single Sucks Even More Than You Thought

So... anyone interested in a marriage of convenience? Like one of those romantic comedy movies. We only maybe need to probably put up a token show for government officials! :P

[Dextro]

Originally Posted by Kaijo

I'm at a point in my life when I'm generally happy with the way I am, but...

5 Reasons being Single Sucks Even More Than You Thought

So... anyone interested in a marriage of convenience? Like one of those romantic comedy movies. We only maybe need to probably put up a token show for government officials! :P

Lucky for me it's actually better fiscally to be single in my country due to some insane laws that got sidetracked along the years. Also: you may earn less being single but you get to keep it all to yourself MUAHAHAHAHAH

Now excuse me while I go cry in a corner cause I'm miserable and alone. JK

[DonQuigleone]

Hey, if you're single you don't have to buy overpriced gifts for your annoying significant other! Being single rocks, noone to tell me what to do! BOOYEAH!!!!

I'm not lonely. At all

Excuse me I've got something in my eye...

[synaesthetic]

Originally Posted by Kaijo

I'm at a point in my life when I'm generally happy with the way I am, but...

5 Reasons being Single Sucks Even More Than You Thought

So... anyone interested in a marriage of convenience? Like one of those romantic comedy movies. We only maybe need to probably put up a token show for government officials! :P

More fuel for the fire, then. Marriage should not be a legal issue, and it should even less be an economic one. This is completely discriminatory toward single folks. Yeah, people may complain about gay marriage, but single people are really the ones getting the shaft here!

[Knightrunner]

At what age is it appropriate to start dating and why?

[GDB]

Originally Posted by Dextro

Also: you may earn less being single but you get to keep it all to yourself MUAHAHAHAHAH

You're also the only one paying for a fixed cost payment that could be shared (read: house, apartment, etc.).

[Moczo]

Originally Posted by Knightrunner

At what age is it appropriate to start dating and why?

Not really a 'set age'... when you feel ready, I'd say.

[DonQuigleone]

Originally Posted by Knightrunner

At what age is it appropriate to start dating and why?

When you feel that tight feeling your chest, and you can't stop thinking about someone... When you feel in love!

[Kaijo]

Originally Posted by Knightrunner

At what age is it appropriate to start dating and why?

There is no set on/off binary decision for dating, per se. I see it more as a gradual thing. One thing I would definitely say, is to have it clearly spelled out in advance what you expect to be doing, and in your mind, what you would find acceptable or not. That way, if the date takes a different direction, it doesn't catch you off guard and you end up doing something you might regret later.

In middle school and high school, approx ages 14-16, I'd probably suggest group dates. You don't have to be in a relationship, just kinda go out with friends and do date-y things and have fun. Calling it an actual date and expecting hookups puts pressure on it, and thus you won't have as good of a time. This helps wean you into a possible relationship, while learning to still be yourself and still keep your friends in the loop.

17-18, one can probably do the standard couple dating thing. It's just important to balance dating and relationships against other things in your life. Some people can end up too busy, or burning themselves out trying to date or maintain relationships. School is quite important, after all.

But I suppose even these guidelines aren't set in stone. The important is mainly to decide in advance what you want, what you'll accept, and what you won't accept. The emotional high from love can really rob your logical thought processes of any consideration, so it is important to try and keep them in the loop to keep yourself a bit grounded.

And always remember: nobody is perfect, so you're never going to find the perfect person. They will always have flaws (and people will always notice your own flaws). So the real mark of maturity that you're ready to date, is if you can accept those flaws. If you really think someone is perfect, then you're either lying to yourself, or you aren't taking a good enough look (or the person is hiding things from you). If you can't get over flaws, then no one will ever satisfy you for long.

[Otaku Guy]

Originally Posted by Kaijo

5 Reasons being Single Sucks Even More Than You Thought

#3. The Government Hates You

Good. Mission accomplished.

Originally Posted by Knightrunner

At what age is it appropriate to start dating and why?

The age I see most people beginning to date is around 14-16. Actually in my elementary school the first people to date each other was in the 4th grade.
The "appropriate" time to me isn't exactly a specific age but more or less it is whenever you feel ready to do so, to a certain extent however, I don't like the idea of 9 year olds dating.

[scraggy]

Originally Posted by Knightrunner

At what age is it appropriate to start dating and why?

i'd agree with the 14-16 sentiment. There's nothing wrong with doing it before, but it's far less likely to last (it's unlikely to last at 14-16 too though)
there's also nothing wrong with starting later, many people don't date until a much later date and that's simply what fits them.

[synaesthetic]

It's a function of lifespan, mostly. Fourteen to sixteen? Hell, back in the dark ages people were married and had multiple kids by that age!