I Would Die to Have Your First Time

[BWTraveller]

Spoiler:

From the way it was framed, I'd say it's one timeline. He ran out then jumped during the dress rehearsal a day or two before the culture festival where they'd be doing the real performance. He woke up on the day of the culture festival when Mika would have either been on stage or preparing to go on stage.

[BWTraveller]

Finally a climax that makes me happy.

Spoiler for 54:

Taro is standing on the stairs outside the gym/stage, begging Nishimori not to do this, saying at this rate it'll just be another repetition of that hopeless future, and thinking maybe he should just jump again on his own this time. As such he jumps down the stairs, loses consciousness, and ends up waking up minutes later in front of Mika and Madoka, which only makes him feel even more hopeless. Immediately cut to Nishimori running like he'd never run before, desperate to reach the school. As he runs he bumps hard into a guy with a moped. He shouts an apology behind him but says he's in a hurry, but that just gets the biker even madder and he takes off after him. He runs, thinking about how throughout his life he'd been on the outside of society, too afraid to get involved, unable to even see himself as the main character in his own story, but the one who changed all of that, who made even someone like him shine, was Mika. She managed to change him, and this time he's going to change things. Right then he's hit hard by the biker's moped and sent sprawling. The biker yells at him and demands compensation for supposed damages to his moped, then when Nishimori turns around he realizes it's Yuuji, that bastard who'd been on a date with Mika at the very beginning. He stares at Nishimori for a few second before laughing as he remembers he's that "minor character" from before.

Back at the stage, Taro is desperately trying to think of a way to change things as Mika calls him back to ask to switch the kiss scene to just a hug. Desperate as he is though, he just can't think of anything and goes along with it. As the play goes on he's sinking into depression. For some reason he can't use his power now. Even when he could he was never able to change fate on his own, so he had to entrust the future to Nishimori. Even so, he can't escape this scenario. Perhaps their story was just meant to be a tragedy from the beginning. Standing behind the curtain before his last climactic scene, he thinks perhaps he should just take on the role, accept what's coming, and maybe then he can find some small happiness in this doomed story. Right as he starts to step forward Nishimori dashes past. Madoka freaks out that he's jumping out and messing up the play, the audience is wondering what the heck is up and who this fat, dirty, normally-dressed guy is that's standing where Romeo should be.
"It took a long time but I finally have the confidence to say it. For me, Mika is my happiness, and for her happiness is where I am. That's why, even if in other people's eyes it looks stupid or filthy or awkward or lame, I am the main character of this story. Thank you, Arikawa (Taro). Thanks to you I've finally realized. We have to make our own destiny."

Honestly I did enjoy this. I'd even say it makes up for the lame cop-out we had previously. I just really hope the author's working this to a close soon, and we don't end up with any more jumps or random screw-ups. This feels like the path to the absolutely best possible ending.

[Greenish Growth]

Chapter 54:

Spoiler:

Oh nice! So it was actually the play itself that they were doing?

So who was the guy on the moped again? I've forgotten about that part. What was he doing?

[BWTraveller]

Spoiler for moped:

In the very beginning Nishimori found himself in a back alley on Christmas Eve, and Mika was out with Hayashi, who'd forced her on a double-date with a guy named Yuuji (got it wrong earlier). When Mika went and asked if he was okay, Yuki got down and mocked him, telling him that he was about to take Mika to a hotel and that while she was clearly guarded and would refuse him, he wouldn't take no for an answer. When Nishimori tried to push him away because Mika was clearly unhappy about the situation, he pushed him down, told him off for trying to be a hero, declared that someone like him would look awful next to her, and concluded that his was a small two-bit role. When Mika chose to stick with him, Yuuji later tracked him down, pushed him down the stairs, and in the first future turned out to have found and raped Mika before forcing her to date him until he got bored. In the main timeline, of course, Nishimori dodged the kick, caught him so he wouldn't fall himself, and made it clear that Yuuji should never show his face in front of Mika again.


On a side note, considering how Nishimori suspected he wouldn't make it when Yuuji caught him, I can't help but wonder what happened there. Did Yuuji kick him some more? Did Nishimori manage to run away somehow? Or could it be that Yuuji somehow had enough respect for his past actions that he gave him a ride? I highly doubt that last one but I think it'd be kind of cool.

And yeah, this takes place on the day of the cultural festival, when they're actually putting on the play.

[Greenish Growth]

Ah...okay. I remember.

He was the first antagonist. Kind of neat how he showed up there.

[BWTraveller]

Mixed bag this week.

Spoiler for 55:

We start again where we left off. Yuji is barging into the building to catch Nishimori, and when the cops spot him tells them he'd wrecked his bike; unfortunately it comes out that he doesn't have a license, so they drag him away for a quick "chat". Nishimori is standing in front of Mika, and tells her how he'd done so much to make her like him, so much to make her happy, how he'd chickened out and lied to himself to convince himself that he simply didn't deserve to be with her, but he can't lie anymore: he loves her. She kisses him and tells him how happy she is, how she feels the same way, and the audience, while a little confused about how there's a new "Romeo" and the names suddenly turned to "Nishimori-kun and Mika", still roars with applause. As the whole cast stands on the stage, Mika whispers to him, telling him she wants him to promise not to lie anymore, that that was her first kiss, and that she wants him to really cherish her. We then have a few pages reveling in the delight of finally being a couple with her, how he can never believe how beautiful the world is with her at his side, how thrilling it is just to hold her hand that he'd held so many times "before", how adorable she is and how happy he is. He even manages to make up with Miyama now that he's finally being honest. The next day everyone's making jabs at him, and when he comes in Mika blushes as she greets him as "Tooru-kun" (BTW, the face he makes as he squees over hearing his name could terrify small children). As he's delighted to finally be in the "right" timeline, Taro comes up covered in injuries and demands to talk to Nishimori. He tells him that he had another dream, again showing a future Mika crying. He knocked himself out over and over yesterday after that dream trying to jump forward and find out what happens, but he just woke back up at home; his power seems to be gone or fading. He thus warns Nishimori to be very careful and to make sure not to hurt Mika, as it looks like they won't get any more do-overs. Any wound he causes her, no matter how small, could grow into a catastrophic future.

Honestly, the image given of her crying makes me not entirely sure whether she's sad or happy, though I'll assume it's supposed to indicate sadness.

Looks like we won't be getting any more time jumps, but we're still not to the end yet. Honestly, I think this would've been the perfect place to stop. Here's hoping the author doesn't screw things up down the road.

[dark44]

thanx for the summary i personally well wait to see the end if it is good gonna read it all

[BWTraveller]

Spoiler for 56:

Starting off where we left off, Nishimori and Taro are talking on the stairs about Taro's dream and inability to leap. As they can't confirm the cause of future Mika's tears, Taro warns Nishimori to be extra careful. He then goes on to mention that a lot of Mika's traumatic futures were strongly connected to *that* (coupled with images from the first leap when Mika was raped by Yuji and the leap where Mizusawa raped Mika in the woods and convinced him that it was Nishimori that attacked her), and thus suggests that he avoid going there. Nishimori's first reaction is shock at the idea that he's finally started going out with Mika but he still has to keep it "platonic", especially since Mika at that moment sends him a text asking him on a date. When they go on the date though, he finds that he's beyond satisfied with just the little "platonic" things (I get the feeling he doesn't know what that word means) like feeding each other their ice cream, getting excited over an indirect kiss, just laughing and enjoying one another's company. Then they go to take a picture and she sneaks a kiss on the cheek, completely throwing him off his game. She's surprised, as Akiho (her friend who early on was doing her best to get her to just let go and date/screw any guy she could) said that casually kissing each other is just normal once you're a couple. When he gets her home she invites him in, saying that her parents are gone for the night; he at first says no, then runs in, gives her a tight hug, and then says he's going home. He sees that she's pushing herself to do what she thinks she's "supposed" to do, so he tells her that they should go at their own pace (all while hoping she doesn't notice his pitched tent). As he leaves she thinks that she's surprised but a little relieved, when she hears a crash outside as Nishimori crashed in to Taro. Taro'd followed them and when he was in Mika's house "too long" he decided to barge in and stop them, only to crash into Nishimori. When Taro wakes up, a very fit looking guy with Nishimori's glasses gets up next to him and accuses him of following them. As they panic over what's going on a slightly older looking Mika wishes them a good morning and tells them to hurry so they won't be late for college. It ends with Mika running ahead of them while the pair freak out over jumping to an age besides 31.

I was worried how things were going to go, but for now I'm liking what we're getting. It's definitely a good move not to try and rush things, even if Taro's concerns are rather unlikely. My favorite thing though is that Nishimori and Mika in this new timeline look way better. I always felt I liked high school Mika better than the future version, but this one is just great, and Nishimori finally figuring out how to slim down is awesome.

[BWTraveller]

Surprising new problem this time...

Spoiler for 57:

The pair look around the apartment to figure out just what this new timeline is like while also trying to figure out why Taro, who'd supposedly walked down every possible line, has no clue what's up in this timeline. Obviously, Taro concludes that this timeline changed because Tooru finally worked up the courage and actually made his move, something that hadn't happened to that point. Though only speculation, he also suggests that his supposedly lost time leaping ability activated because the two of them ran into each other and passed out. As for the current situation, Tooru and Mika have been dating for about four years, and since starting college they've been living together. After a while Tooru decides that rather than searching the apartment he'd be better off going to class and trying to gain info there. Taro repeats once again that doing it with Mika could lead to despair, but Tooru isn't so sure. After all, they've been dating four years, longer than he'd spent with Mika in the original timeline, and they've been living together. Obviously they're sexually active right? Especially with how sexy Mika's become, and how provocatively she flirts with him in class. She really closely resembles the original Mika in that regard. That night, he and Mika get in bed, and nothing he does can get it up. As he blames it on anxiety and inexperience, she smiles and tells him that she's in the same boat, it'll be her first too. The next day Tooru talks to Taro over the phone. He tells him how he tried but couldn't the night before, and in the process confirmed that Mika was still a virgin, and speculates that their inability to consummate their relationship may be related to the current predicted bad end. Taro in turn informs him that it looks like he may be personally responsible: his desperation carried over into his personality following the leap, and in the last four years every day he'd texted "Don't you dare do it" over and over. The stress of fearing a bad outcome may have carried over on Tooru too, thus causing him to slim down for the first time in his life.

Taro begs for forgiveness for wrecking things, but Tooru responds that the previous day he'd been reminded of the original timeline. That timeline was the happiest memories he has. Sure there were stresses and he at the time hadn't been mature enough to appreciate it, but he enjoyed every day, working with Mika then going home to her at night. It was easily the most peaceful and satisfying timeline. And while there are problems (such as his ED), this timeline reminds him of that one in so many ways. He's sure if they work at it together they can make this future a happy one.

[Greenish Growth]

Well, hopefully there's not another Munakuso moment coming up.

[BWTraveller]

One thing I really like about this time around is just how similar Mika is to her original timeline. At present she's a virgin, but her forwardness, her devotion and love, her joy at just being with him, is the same as the original. This shows that this is her real personality, not something that developed over years of dating all kinds of men or as a result of all kinds of painful experiences. This is just her pure, genuine personality when she's with the man she loves.

[BWTraveller]

And things start turning bad again. At least this time it's not a matter of sex.

Spoiler for 58:

The time's come for everyone to start talking to companies, taking their tests and interviews. Tooru is determined to get things as close to the original as possible, so when he spotted his previous company he quickly convinced Mika to apply together with him. Taro's uncertain, but Tooru always had the top ratings in the company, so he feels confident he has it in the bag. If anything he feels almost too confident. At the interview he feels he knocked it out of the park, easily talking to them and hitting all the key points to help the company's biggest problems. He doesn't seem to notice the creeped-out look on the interviewer's face (at least that's how I interpreted the man's expression). Not long after, he gets an email informing him of his rejection, while Mika gets accepted. She says they should keep looking, also wanting to work in the same office with him. He proceeds to spend the next four months or so trying company after company but always being rejected (I know this feeling so very well). Finally he meets back up with Taro after not even contacting him for all that time. He's even thinking of going back to companies that rejected him before.

As he's talking to him he receives a call from Mika, who was invited out for drinks after receiving another job offer. She'd drank a bit much and so he goes to pick her up. The girls she's with are all delighted at how nice and cool Mika's boyfriend is, but things get awkward fast when they ask him about his own job hunting efforts. When he gets home Mika, who's more than a bit tipsy, is just all over him. She spent the whole night bragging about him, and she's gotten quite excited. She jumps on him. She takes his protest to be about his ED and asks him not to push himself and says to just use his hand, but he gets more and more frustrated and eventually shouts at her to stop. Seeing how upset he is sobers her up fast and she quietly goes to take a shower, while Tooru runs out, full of frustration at his own failures amplified even further by his self-loathing over having made Mika cry. He runs so hard and fast that he falls and passes out for a bit, only to be woken by his phone with another rejection email. He throws the phone to the ground while the scene jumps back to Mika crying in the shower.

I'm glad to see that this time around the main problem doesn't really seem to be centered around sex or stalkers but more mundane things, but it still hurts. Especially since this time the big problem is something I know far too well. I spent multiple years in the exact hell Nishimori's now enduring.

[BWTraveller]

Spoiler for 59:

Chap starts out with the whole gang gathered together at a diner for the first time in a long while, chatting and having a good time, except for Taro who's steaming at the end of the table. They talk for a while about their various futures, celebrate that they all made enough credits to graduate and managed to find jobs, poke a little fun at Akiho and Miyama over how perfectly in harmony they've become, while Nishimori brings them a huge pile of karaage, with extra thrown in under his authority as the diner's manager. As they praise him for reaching manager Taro shuts the mood down hard bey reminding them all that he's only a part-time manager, and doesn't have any full-time employment. He even tells Nishimori off for having the get-together at his part-time job as if he's trying to make himself look more successful, as everyone's been living it up in part to hide their own worry. He goes on to ask Tooru if he's really thinking about his and Mika's future the way Miyama and Akiho are, at which point he reveals that he plans to propose soon, and he'd been working both at the diner and on road construction at night to save up enough to personally fund the wedding, hoping that being able to do that much would convince her parents to approve. He already has 3,520,000 yen saved up and hopes to gain another 500,000 within the next two months. Naturally when Mika shows up everyone quickly changes the subject.

On the way home Mika expresses serious concern that Tooru may have been pushing himself too hard lately, even asks him to go easy for the next month. In the mornings he's gone before she wakes up, and when he gets home, hearing he's got the next day off she tries to get intimate with him only to find he's already out like a light. She's not even sure if he remembers what day is coming up. Later she tells him that there's a social get-together for all the new incoming employees and their senpais at her company on the fifteenth. She's surprised and angry that he tells her she should go, repeating that it's that fifteenth (her birthday). He apologizes he can't spend more time with her, but just a bit more... and quickly stops himself. Seeing him acting all secretive she thinks he's planning a surprise birthday party, so she cheerfully agrees. While she's at the get-together, a man comes up and starts talking to her, acting familiar enough to get her on edge. He identifies himself as one of the men who interviewed her and her boyfriend, and the one who accepted her and rejected him, then starts to talk about the two of them. He says that Tooru seems like the kind of guy who, once he's started really working for something, stops being able to see what's around him, and says he rejected him because he felt any employer would have all kinds of hardships with him as a subordinate, and speculatively asks if she's had hardships as well. She insists that he's great and attentive, and is even setting up a surprise party for her, but when she lets slip that he never said as much the man advises her not to expect too much from him, as he's probably doing everything he can without adding anything else. She heads home in a huff while Tooru continues working at the diner, only to collapse at the same time that Mika makes it home to the surprise of a dark, empty apartment.

There's a lot more realistic potential causes for trouble this time, and more realistic. Things look a bit like they may be coming to a head soon, and while I'd be delighted to find out that the predicted tears are tears of happiness or relief to be followed by a happy end, I could certainly see Tooru pushing too far and ending up dead once more.

[Greenish Growth]

I knew an older guy that immigrated from the Eastern Bloc shortly after they opened up. He was a nuclear scientist that used to work at a nuclear power plant. He was on a waiting list for years and years to get the proper security pass to get a better job. By the time he'd get the pass he'd be close to retirement age so he just took a job working retail at merchandise pickup. He worked with us for3 years and then retired.

Yeah, it's frustrating not being able to get the job you're qualified for.

[BWTraveller]

Originally Posted by Greenish Growth

I knew an older guy that immigrated from the Eastern Bloc shortly after they opened up. He was a nuclear scientist that used to work at a nuclear power plant. He was on a waiting list for years and years to get the proper security pass to get a better job. By the time he'd get the pass he'd be close to retirement age so he just took a job working retail at merchandise pickup. He worked with us for3 years and then retired.

Yeah, it's frustrating not being able to get the job you're qualified for.

Agreed. I've heard people seriously say that hunting for work is pretty high up on the list of hardest, most draining forms of work. I went through it twice myself, and the second time lasted years with no one ever seriously considering me.

Thinking about it though, this too might be the cause of Mika's tears. She's upset to find that not only is there no party but there's absolutely no one home on her birthday, gets huffy, then hears from the hospital that he's in the hospital having collapsed from overwork. As a result, when she finds him okay the relief mixed with everything leading up to that point would bring out the cry scene Taro fears. At least that's what I'm hoping.

[BWTraveller]

Rather liked this one.

Spoiler for 60:

Tooru jerks up to find himself in a hospital bed with Taro sitting nearby. Taro tells him that sorry, they didn't jump back or forward; he worked until he collapsed and then slept for two days straight in the hospital. Tooru finally remembers Mika's birthday and starts ruing his idiocy scheduling work on that day, but Taro tells him there's more important things to do than regret his mistake. We switch to the interview/senpai from Mika's company and a flashback to the previous meeting. When he'd told her not to get her hopes up for someone like Tooru, in her anger she'd accidentally spilt his sake. He brushes it off, but then asks her out on a date.

Back in the present Mika comes running up looking cheerful, and they go all around, to a theater, a small shop for refreshments, a museum... At the museum she mentions how Tooru'd forgotten and worked himself to exhaustion, how she'd gotten home to a dark apartment and sat there waiting for him only to get a call from the hospital. The senpai fakes pity after hiding his smirk, telling her that he's a real hard worker but she doesn't need to stick with him through it, that she deserves her own happiness, the usual BS. Tooru's running all over the place, with no clue how to find this guy he doesn't know, while calling himself an idiot over and over, while we see the senpai give Mika a birthday present (and tell her not to open it until she gets home), take her to a fine restaurant, and eventually asks if she'd like to stop by his house for a glass of wine. At this point she immediately replies "No way, idiot", says she went out with him as asked, so now she's going home.

We flash back to an angry Mika talking to Taro next to Tooru's bed, where she tells him she's obligated to go on the date, but tells him to simply tell Tooru that she's going out with this hot guy from work. She starts to say for him to also tell her to pick her up at 9, but takes it back. When asked why she replies that whenever she's with him it feels like destiny, so she's sure there's no need to tell him, he'll come for her regardless. We switch to Tooru running desperately, thinking "I've got to change this future" only to find her sitting there happily waiting for him, accompanied by Mika's conclusion: "Don't worry, Taro-chan; it's not that easy to change our destiny".

Lately I've been feeling a bit more agency on Mika's part, which I'd previously mentioned was a point that felt kind of lacking. It's definitely a far better continuation than we sometimes get, instead clearly demonstrating just how very much in love they are.

[BWTraveller]

Fun ep, but a weird end...

Spoiler for 61:

We start out with another look at Mika talking to Maehara after the date. He's angry and asks her to say again what she just said. She responds that she called him an idiot. First for thinking it'd be fine to insult a woman's lover so soon after meeting her. Then for jumping straight from that screw-up to asking her out on a date. Then for, on that date, putting his hands on her (put his hand on her shoulder on the pretense of "comforting" her) and inviting her home. She'd planned on saying something but never expected him to make it so easy. He threatens her saying that he's her direct superior, but she responds she couldn't care less what he does, as he's not even fit to kiss Tooru's shoes.

We then jump to Tooru finding Mika, who's a little surprised he managed to reach her so quickly, before she could even go to wait for him at the station. When he asks where Maehara is, she says she bit him and he ran away, and comments that after all that work to get into the company she may just be fired. When he says he'll figure something out she chides him that this is their story, and gets him to correct it to "we'll" figure something out. She then demands a birthday present, but since he ran from the hospital he only has a 500 yen coin, and ends up buying a sunflower ring toy from a nearby gacha machine. As she hugs him he starts to try and propose to her, only for her to jump back in shock and bring to his attention that he's got a raging boner. Needless to say, they go home. The story flashes over things like Taro repeatedly worrying that Tooru might have "done it", Tooru skipping meals, trying to change himself, Mika worrying about his health as he keeps getting thinner, and then in the present shows Mika once more saying the same line: "It may sound cliche, but I believe no matter how many times I'm reincarnated I'm sure I'll always choose to be with you". As they make love, overwhelmed he shouts out "I love you, Mika-sa--" and hears Mika saying "I know" lying on his now massive belly, wishing him a good morning; last thing we see is Tooru's shocked and once more fat face.

Looks like he managed to jump to his "present" now, and didn't even pass out to do it. Hopefully he's not going to need to jump back again.

[Greenish Growth]

So it's probably back to high school then?

[BWTraveller]

At this point I wouldn't be surprised, but I'm really hoping we'll get to spend some time at 30, or even just end it here. I've seen people online reading this comment that the image of Mika's tears in Taro's vision look like tears of joy, so I'm really hoping it'll end up something like her crying at discovering that she's pregnant and then we can have a happy ending. I love the characters, but I don't want to see them put through any more pain.

[BWTraveller]

Well, this is it. No more time leaps, we have the final chapter this week!

Spoiler for 62:

Tooru, once more 31, is trying to figure out what's going on as Mika wishes him a good morning, and wonders if he'd passed out right there when he was starting. He can't help but wonder, "did I manage to have Mika's first time?" and then from there wondered if this was really a continuation of the same timeline as before. So he asks her about that time she went on a date with Maehara, to which she immediately responds she remembers, how nostalgic. Reassured of that he continues to ask if he'd had her first time afterward. She blushes before laughing and asking where this's coming from, whether he'd had some sort of really weird dream. As he thinks to himself about how weird a question it'd been she tells him that if he's too worried if she doesn't put it to words, she'll tell him that to this day she's still more than happy. He heads to work (clearly he managed to get a full time position), gets teased by his kouhai for getting distracted by his wife's picture on his desk, goes to the roof to eat and thinks about how it's the same sky he'd always looked up at, but the hole that used to be there has been filled (same message bento as at the start).

As he walks home he recalls Mika's words asking if he'd had a weird dream and thinks that yeah it was almost like a dream, but it wasn't... wait, it wasn't, right? He becomes more and more unsure, but doesn't feel like he can write it off as a dream. As he heads to the train once more he steps on someone's foot and gets bumped, and starts to fall onto the tracks. But this time a hand shoots forward and stops him, followed by an exclamation "Wait, Nishimori!?". There's Miyama, Akiho, and everyone all together. When he asks why everyone's there, they say that Mika invited them all to come by as she has something to tell them. Akiho comments it has to be a real big surprise if she didn't even tell Tooru about the gathering. As they get ready to go together, Taro pulls him aside, saying there's something he has to tell him, only to suddenly have no idea what he wanted to say, so he asks him to forget about it.
As they travel he thinks to himself.
The same train, the same old friends, the same cheerful atmosphere. Feels like all of it has always been this way, but at the same time every bit of it feels almost miraculous."
"Now that I think about it, I feel like there was a part of me long ago that was all caught up in the past." They reach the apartment.
"Now, just being with someone all on its own is just so wonderful, how things were in the past isn't important" Mika runs happily to greet everyone.
"That's right. I'm not the man I've been up to now. What matters isn't the past, it's what's to come that's truly precious" Mika takes a deep breath to make her announcement, opens her mouth, then starts to choke up as tears start to fall. She clasps her hands in front of her tear-filled face just like Taro always envisioned, with a background full of light and flowers.
"That's why we have to make this story ourselves" Tooru moves forward out of concern. Mika places her hand on her belly, and Tooru looks down before looking up with surprise.
"To the future that no one has seen" Tooru and Mika embrace as everyone cheers and shouts with joy, and we close with Tooru and Mika both looking back at them with happy tears pouring down their faces.

There's one or two things I would've liked to happen in addition for the end, but I can't deny that I loved this. It's been one heck of a ride, full of all kinds of ups and downs, but this ending at least makes me happy to have read it.