Can a Man and a Women be just friends?

[Zetsubo]

Originally Posted by MrNugget

Well, I agree with you guys, but even when we were friends, she knew I liked her but I stayed friends with her and tried to act normal. I did try my best to be her friend, but she kept ignoring me and never treated me like a friend. I would never have thought I would be the type of guy to do that to a girl but she never did show any signs of care even for friendship. She's a nice person and always followed me whenever she was bored, and i listen to her when she talks but as soon as i talk i get ignored. It hurt to be with her for years because I didn't feel there was even friendship to begin with, it felt as though I was being used so I thought it'd be best to leave since the girl wouldn't care either way.

I can't really explain the whole story, it'd take long but my friends agreed that what I did was the right thing :S.

Why were you friends with her in the first place ?

[MrNugget]

Originally Posted by Zetsubo

Why were you friends with her in the first place ?

What do you mean lol, I was friends because when we met eachother it was fun, it started like anyother kind of friendship somebody would have. It was fun until we really got to know eachother. I wasn't going to abandon her just because it wasn't the same. I guess now it's different it's been too long, and I should really move on.

[Zetsubo]

Originally Posted by MrNugget

What do you mean lol, I was friends because when we met eachother it was fun, it started like anyother kind of friendship somebody would have. It was fun until we really got to know eachother. I wasn't going to abandon her just because it wasn't the same. I guess now it's different it's been too long, and I should really move on.

Did it stop being fun ?

If so how did it stop being fun ?

[MrNugget]

Originally Posted by Zetsubo

Did it stop being fun ?

If so how did it stop being fun ?

It stopped being fun overtime for her, but everyday I saw her it was the greatest thing, it was like meeting her from the beginning, I've never gotten tired of her the day I met her.
It stopped being fun when she began to ignore me at completely random times and only chatted with me normally whenever she was happy.

[Narona]

Originally Posted by MrNugget

Well, I agree with you guys, but even when we were friends, she knew I liked her but I stayed friends with her and tried to act normal. I did try my best to be her friend, but she kept ignoring me and never treated me like a friend. I would never have thought I would be the type of guy to do that to a girl but she never did show any signs of care even for friendship. She's a nice person and always followed me whenever she was bored, and i listen to her when she talks but as soon as i talk i get ignored. It hurt to be with her for years because I didn't feel there was even friendship to begin with, it felt as though I was being used so I thought it'd be best to leave since the girl wouldn't care either way.

I can't really explain the whole story, it'd take long but my friends agreed that what I did was the right thing :S.

How did you come to love her if she didn't even treat you well as a friend? It doesn't sound as if you were in the "*best friends with who the girl prefers to stay friend* zone".

What do you mean lol, I was friends because when we met eachother it was fun, it started like anyother kind of friendship somebody would have. It was fun until we really got to know eachother. I wasn't going to abandon her just because it wasn't the same. I guess now it's different it's been too long, and I should really move on.

So:

- From your point of view, she didn't treat you well as a friend (like not wanting to listen to you, while you listened to her when she wanted to talk)
- But you fell in love with her.
- You knew how she reacted towards you in the past, but you expected her to act differently after the rejection?

It's confusing for me. Maybe because it's late here

[MrNugget]

Originally Posted by Narona

How did you come to love her if she didn't even treat you well as a friend? It doesn't sound as if you were in the "*best friends with who the girl prefers to stay friend* zone".



So:

- From your point of view, she didn't treat you well as a friend (like not wanting to listen to you, while you listened to her when she wanted to talk)
- But you fell in love with her.
- You knew how she reacted towards you in the past, but you expected her to act differently after the rejection?

It's confusing for me. Maybe because it's late here

I fell in love because when I first met her she was was different but over time she changed, and that was what I expected. To make it NOT awkward for her I tried my best to be as good as a friend I could be and tried not to do anything to scare her away. It was overtime that things fell apart for me.
We were really good friends at one point but i don't want to tell every little thing lol. After the rejection I still wanted to be friends, and so did she, but since then i wasn't exactly treated in the nicest way lol. So, I thought it would be best to end it .

[Shinoto]

Difference between a friend and a cuddle *****. Sounds like you got put in the latter.

[Zetsubo]

Originally Posted by MrNugget

It stopped being fun overtime for her, but everyday I saw her it was the greatest thing, it was like meeting her from the beginning, I've never gotten tired of her the day I met her.
It stopped being fun when she began to ignore me at completely random times and only chatted with me normally whenever she was happy.

Well at that time you couldn't help how you felt about her.

I trust you will be a little bit wiser in who, when, where and how you make friends of any person (man or woman).

I encourage you to move away from this experience a little wiser and smarter.

Put some distance in your heart and mind about it and only draw reference to it when it will make you more confident.

However if you think of this experience and it makes you less confident, if it makes you feel down, then quickly find something to do to occupy your mind and time until the bad vibes go away.

Go play Aion for example... or watch all of Bakemonogatari again

That way you won't get blue.

A man can be friends with a woman only when "inwardly" he is wise and honest about his feelings towards her. He can only do this when he knows himself and his limitations.

[Narona]

Originally Posted by MrNugget

I fell in love because when I first met her she was was different but over time she changed, and that was what I expected. To make it NOT awkward for her I tried my best to be as good as a friend I could be and tried not to do anything to scare her away. It was overtime that things fell apart for me.
We were really good friends at one point but i don't want to tell every little thing lol. After the rejection I still wanted to be friends, and so did she, but since then i wasn't exactly treated in the nicest way lol. So, I thought it would be best to end it .

So you fell in love with her since at the beginning when you met her? And she stopped to treat you well till after the rejection?

[Zetsubo]

Originally Posted by MrNugget

I fell in love because when I first met her she was was different but over time she changed, and that was what I expected. To make it NOT awkward for her I tried my best to be as good as a friend I could be and tried not to do anything to scare her away. It was overtime that things fell apart for me.
We were really good friends at one point but i don't want to tell every little thing lol. After the rejection I still wanted to be friends, and so did she, but since then i wasn't exactly treated in the nicest way lol. So, I thought it would be best to end it .

Ohh and another thing.

Don't fall in love with an idea of the woman.

Fall in love with the real woman.

Make sense ?

You fell for the idea of her.

Bad move.

It happens to quite a few young bucks.

"shes the closest thing to perfection" of so you were thinking.

But that is just the ideal

The real on the other hand... bit you in the butt.

[synaesthetic]

A man cannot be friends with a women.

Because there's no such thing as "a women." It is impossible to have a single plural!

[Mystique]

Originally Posted by Zetsubo

Well at that time you couldn't help how you felt about her.

I trust you will be a little bit wiser in who, when, where and how you make friends of any person (man or woman).

I encourage you to move away from this experience a little wiser and smarter.

Put some distance in your heart and mind about it and only draw reference to it when it will make you more confident.

However if you think of this experience and it makes you less confident, if it makes you feel down, then quickly find something to do to occupy your mind and time until the bad vibes go away.

Go play Aion for example... or watch all of Bakemonogatari again

That way you won't get blue.

A man can be friends with a woman only when "inwardly" he is wise and honest about his feelings towards her. He can only do this when he knows himself and his limitations.

Yep, what he said. Brush it off, walk on.

If I was around at the time of posting, I was gonna write against Daniel and Narona about it being bad for him walking away cause it hurt too much. To be honest as a friend to a guy, I have actually tried to dissuade guys from becoming close in hope of me changing my feelings, if I feel they're no more than friends and cannot return their feelings.
It does suck and it does hurt and I'd rather not have them 'tied' to me per se, (eyes open for another girl who'll be good for them, which I leant isn't so easy to do aparently once they're kinda set >.>) - so for him to walk away and for her not to bat an eyeless made me think @ the girl, rather.
Obviously if there was strength in the friendship and she openly knows that he likes her more than a friend, that should have bothered her, imo.

But yeah, perhaps you fell in love with the 'idea' that she'd be the one for you without getting to know her at first.
Eitherway, live and learn, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger and that little bit wiser.
Have some 'me' time, do things you enjoy, chill, relax for a bit

[Daniel E.]

Originally Posted by Mystique

If I was around at the time of posting, I was gonna write against Daniel and Narona about it being bad for him walking away cause it hurt too much.

Well no, I never said that it was bad for him to drop the friendship (I even said it was his decision to do what he felt was best for him).

What I did say was that I did something different in the past and that I actually agreed with the girl's reaction soon after.

Originally Posted by Mystique

so for him to walk away and for her not to bat an eyeless made me think @ the girl, rather.

It could be the two of them having a bit of fault in a way, and because of that, if a guy suddenly ends a friendship with a girl because things didn't turn out romantic, then you should be thinking @ the guy, as well.

[Mystique]

Originally Posted by Daniel E.

It could be the two of them having a bit of fault in a way, and because of that, if a guy suddenly ends a friendship with a girl because things didn't turn out romantic, then you should be thinking @ the guy, as well.

Not if she is aware of his feelings for her to the point that he feels he cannot continue with the relationship being stuck in the friendzone. It may be okay for one person, but it can be damn awkward for the other.

"Good friendship, he's so trusting, kind, I can rely on him."
"Love her, love her smile, her attitude, she makes me laugh, she's great to hang out with, love to have something more, wish I could have something more, want to have something more... but I can't, and high chances that it won't work out that way..."

Naturally if there's no open communication and someone was left in the dark, then in any scenario of a sudden cut between two people, it's kinda dodgy, but I don't think that this was the case this time around with MrNugget.

[Daniel E.]

Originally Posted by Mystique

Not if she is aware of his feelings for her to the point that he feels he cannot continue with the relationship being stuck in the friendzone.

And then one has to ask just how aware is he of her feelings?

From previous comments by him, I can tell that the girl was more than willing to continue being friends after the confession; Of course, she had already drawn her line, but I think she only did it to make things clearer between the two.

That alone tells me she wasn't completly void of attachment with regards to their friendship; Yet, we all have a limit, and taking things a step further (breaking all ties) could have been hers.

[Mystique]

Originally Posted by Daniel E.

And then one has to ask just how aware is he of her feelings?

From previous comments by him, I can tell that the girl was more than willing to continue being friends after the confession; Of course, she had already drawn her line, but I think she only did it to make things clearer between the two.

That alone tells me she wasn't completly void of attachment with regards to their friendship; Yet, we all have a limit, and taking things a step further (breaking all ties) could have been hers.

Indeed on the last point.
Seems no real love was lost for this relationship based on the information we were given, so we can only speculate so far, I suppose

[Narona]

Originally Posted by Mystique

If I was around at the time of posting, I was gonna write against Daniel and Narona about it being bad for him walking away cause it hurt too much. To be honest as a friend to a guy, I have actually tried to dissuade guys from becoming close in hope of me changing my feelings, if I feel they're no more than friends and cannot return their feelings.
It does suck and it does hurt and I'd rather not have them 'tied' to me per se, (eyes open for another girl who'll be good for them, which I leant isn't so easy to do aparently once they're kinda set >.>) - so for him to walk away and for her not to bat an eyeless made me think @ the girl, rather.
Obviously if there was strength in the friendship and she openly knows that he likes her more than a friend, that should have bothered her, imo.

It's a complex issue. Once the girl (or the boy) guesses that a friend has more than a friendship feeling for him/her, the girl can choose to be blunt and to raise the topic. What I've seen (since I am a very blunt person.) is that it is sometimes seen as mean by the other person. That it is not nice to be that blunt (but as I said ealier, to be unclear can also be seen as mean, because the person can think you played with his feelings. Complicated).

So many people prefer to wait for the confession instead of raising the topic based on a guess.

Anyway, in both case I still think that it is not the girl's fault. Even if she was nice to him, people should stop thinking that because a person is nice with them, there is something more behind "just being nice". I hate being unclear with people, and I don't really see what the girl could do in such case. The boy wants to be her BF, she doesn't like him that way. He can't handle it. What is she supposed to do? For example, saying that "maybe one day etc." is what I call being unclear (and I think it's bad to give people false hopes).

I don't know for this girl, but I personally never liked the attitude that works like an ultimatum. Friend or not, I don't bat an eye to an ultimatum.

[Throne Invader]

Originally Posted by Narona

It's a complex issue. Once the girl (or the boy) guesses that a friend has more than a friendship feeling for him/her, the girl can choose to be blunt and to raise the topic. What I've seen (since I am a very blunt person.) is that it is sometimes seen as mean by the other person. That it is not nice to be that blunt (but as I said ealier, to be unclear can also be seen as mean, because the person can think you played with his feelings. Complicated).

So many people prefer to wait for the confession instead of raising the topic based on a guess.

Anyway, in both case I still think that it is not the girl's fault. Even if she was nice to him, people should stop thinking that because a person is nice with them, there is something more behind "just being nice". I hate being unclear with people, and I don't really see what the girl could do in such case. The boy wants to be her BF, she doesn't like him that way. He can't handle it. What is she supposed to do? For example, saying that "maybe one day etc." is what I call being unclear (and I think it's bad to give people false hopes).

I also personally never liked the attitude that works like an ultimatum. Friend or not, I don't bat an eye to an ultimatum.

OMG!! I totally identify with your post, well somewhere in the middle - latter part. Being someone with several admirers before(not sure if there are any now though XD ), I'll just speak from experience. Sometimes I could sense that someone might be fancying me but I would wait until the guy would confess his feelings. It'd be embarrassing for me if I'd just raise the topic with the guy and it turns out he doesn't really like like me. It'll also make me shameful if I'd bring up the topic and he does happen to like me. Either way I'd just be uncomfortable doing it. Even if the signs were written all over his face, I'd still wait for the confession especially if I have no interest in taking our friendship to the next level. Chances are he might actually get over it in the long run

There was this guy though in High School who thought that I was being nice to him because I liked him. I was like "WTH!" And the thing was he wasn't handsome at all neither did I like his personality much I was also accused before by this one guy that I was playing with his feelings by being all nice and flirty and then just rejecting him. Nice, I understood, flirty, I asked him why he thought I was flirting with him. He couldn't answer or rather he gave lame excuses like I would laugh at his jokes all the time( well yeah, he really is a funny guy) and that I'd always say hi to him. I'm just being my typical friendly self.

I agree with Narona that just because a girl is nice to a guy doesn't automatically mean that she likes him. But girls should also be careful with their actions. They shouldn't go too overboard otherwise guys might get the wrong hint.

[Galatea33]

ummm.. wasn't it the girl who always playing brother & sister?
a guy usually would always think of a possibility...

Even tho' when there is none

I think an open discussion is needed when reaching a comfort zone it's best for female to give a clear statement, rather than prolonging it without any clarification

It'd ruin the friendship

[Ascaloth]

Yeah, see, this is precisely why when a girl even gives a hint of suspecting that I may have an interest in her, I generally take it as a chance to be direct and upfront about it (which apparently amused Narona a fair bit ). Of course I fell victim to it when I was younger (like, how many people didn't?), but I've since grown sick of the whole "waiting for the girl to notice me" game; waste of time, and it never gets one anywhere. I'm honest with the girl about it, I give her a chance to reject me there and then, and we continue as perfectly good friends. No hard feelings.

This reminds me of this one time with a girl pal; she's model material and has a great personality, and I did have an interest in her as a woman although I valued her much more as a friend. Nevertheless, a running gag between us would be, "hey go out with me", "errrrrm but I'm so busy XD", "lol okay maybe next time ". I never did expect anything out of this repetitive exchange, but hey if it happens, it's a nice bonus.

So it continued until this one time, when she came clean with me that she's been rejecting my invitations to hang out because she "didn't want (me) to get the wrong idea". Cool. So guess what I did?

"Hey, thanks for coming clean with me. I really appreciate it, and I understand."



I think she was surprised by my reaction a tad, but otherwise I'm pretty sure it was a relief for her in any case. So I guess what I wanna say is; yeah, men and women can be just friends, but it's hard unless you clear the whole 'interest as a potential relationship' bullshit out of the way fast and clean. I mean, I should know; I still count the several girls who got the chance to reject me after I went upfront with them as good friends, including this one.

Of course, me being me, I continued by saying "of course, I'll still keep asking you out anyway, because it's an ego-booster to be seen with eye candy, and because I'm shameless like that".

Suffice to say, she was amused by that.