Dating

[Mystique]

Originally Posted by Ledgem

If you're not held back by morals and if you won't think any less of yourself, then consider going for it under one condition: this girl is a human being. You may want to clear it with her that what would happen would be something for the both of you, but it would not indicate a serious relationship. Many girls tend to view sex differently than guys; it's more an act of intimacy and closeness rather than something purely for pleasure and amusement (not that all guys view it that way - I'm going off of stereotypes and various psychological studies). If this will have potentially really hurt her and/or break her heart, don't do it. Even though the descriptions of her you've used make her seem rather despicable, it wouldn't be justified.

Guy: This isn't anything serious okay? Let's just play it by ear.
Girl: Sure, I understand
*post sex*
Guy: I told you I'm not looking for anything serious
Girl: But you said you liked me, and thought me sexy and we've slept together, I thought it meant something!

In short, sex complicates things. Regardless of how 'casual' you and the girl claim to be about it, it's is still an act of intimacy (provided that you're mutally respecting each other and having a good time)
You'll be crossing a line, prepare for consequences, or as some guys are selfish bastards, they won't even deal with those, they'll just skedaddle.

You said she likes you, my advice to be honest is to let her be, especially if you can't really tolerate being around her on a emotional/mental level, (and you said you're not even that physically attracted to her)
Don't open a pandora's box for a few nights of pleasure. As frustrating as it is, you've got hands and the internet for the present time.
Short of a girl being sexually active and very very confident within herself (and even then i'm still hearing tales of jealousy) - at aged 18-20 she's gonna get attached in some way, i doubt she can be blase about it.
So it's your choice to take the risk, you'll be affecting her opinion about guys no matter what you do... and I have a sneaking suspicion that she may not have been with many guys in her life so far... so yeah it'll be nice to be mature about it.
If there's no chemistry, walk away.

[MikoKikyo]

Agreed with Mystique. Short answer: if you have no respect for someone as a person (because you think little of their mental/intellectual capacities), you probably should not get involved.
Unless you make perfectly clear you're *only* interested in hooking up, but even then it's kind of tricky, since she likes you for real. Unless she only wants to hook up as well, it will get messy.

[Kakashi]

Originally Posted by WanderingKnight

Now, I've dated quite a few not-the-brightest-light-in-the-room girls, but this one beats me. She's given me some very clear signs that she wants to have something with me, and I can't say I don't feel physically attracted to her, but... I believe satisfying my carnal pleasure and dumping her would go against my principles. But there's no way in hell I can carry on a relationship with her--no way. Unless I'm supposed to attempt re-educating her from her... odd path.

So, right now I'm struggling against my innermost physical desires and my good-natured do-no-harm self. What do y'all reckon I should do?

Explain the situation to her? I don't think hump or dump are your only two options here. Make sure she understand your principles and vice versa. After all you may be jumping the gun a little bit, she could be more understanding and considerate than you expected. Still everyone knows it, a relationship has to have mutual respect and if you find that can never be possible with her, end it. Alternatively throw away that guilty conscience and sex her up. That's what I would do!

[WanderingKnight]

Alternatively throw away that guilty conscience and sex her up. That's what I would do!

Heh, that's what my inner gut has been telling me for a while now, but it's kinda hard to do. As Ledgem said, she is a human being after all, even if she's a rather misguided one at that. I don't want her to get any sort of idea of future commitment if sex ever happens--I can't stand hurting the feelings of people I disagree with on a daily basis, and breaking someone's heart like this would be even more of a weight.

You said she likes you

Well, right now I don't know if she truly likes me or if she's just horny. I mean, that's considering our very little knowledge of each other--I would find it very hard for her to have come to like me so quickly (especially me being the rather complicated person I am).

Explain the situation to her? I don't think hump or dump are your only two options here. Make sure she understand your principles and vice versa.

Yeah, that's also another possibility... but then again, white supremacists aren't known to be particularly reasonable when it comes to principles, so...

Even though the descriptions of her you've used make her seem rather despicable, it wouldn't be justified.

She doesn't seem like a bad girl, she's just got some pretty fucked up ideas about how the world works. I mean, I obviously blame her German-nationalist family and not herself for the most part, but there's so far I can go with that. But my body... craves, you know

[Kakashi]

Originally Posted by WanderingKnight

Heh, that's what my inner gut has been telling me for a while now, but it's kinda hard to do. As Ledgem said, she is a human being after all, even if she's a rather misguided one at that. I don't want her to get any sort of idea of future commitment if sex ever happens--I can't stand hurting the feelings of people I disagree with on a daily basis, and breaking someone's heart like this would be even more of a weight.

I sense you're holding some details close to your chest in hope someone gives the go ahead insisting it's morally acceptable. If she's really that bad then by all means avoid her. I've been in a similar situation once and the girl and myself suddenly disagreed on some pretty major issues. After a few months she started irritating me, yet for some reason she was really love smitten. I never thought of it as fling, but she seemed to change over time and rather unpredictably. Or maybe I matured a bit and became more aware. Regardless the break up wasn't too bad, she could tell my feelings had subtly changed and kind of appreciated honesty. Perhaps she became mad at herself for 'doing something wrong' but in reality she had a good heart. Our way of thinking just differed vastly.

While you and Ledgem are right in saying she deserves to be treated earnestly, there's nothing wrong going with your gut. Especially if you do like her character and feel she has good intentions. There's still so much you don't know about her.

Yeah, that's also another possibility... but then again, white supremacists aren't known to be particularly reasonable when it comes to principles, so...

Well, not everyone can say they've slept with a white supremacist neonazi.

[harmonious]

Originally Posted by Miko Miko

Hi Hi! I need some helpp

okay I am dating this guyy,, he is 18.. my mum has no problem with it but i am worried if my dad finds out. He would kill me!!! He knows who the guy is but he has no idea we are going out. I dont know if i should be honest with him or keep hiding it from him.
EVERYONE knows.. except him

If you are living in your parents' house, you should respect their wishes.

[Ledgem]

Originally Posted by harmonious

If you are living in your parents' house, you should respect their wishes.

Why is that?

[harmonious]

Originally Posted by Ledgem

Why is that?

They feed her, clothe her, house her, buy household necessities (soap, shampoo, etc), pay the water and electricity bill, and probably bought the computer she is typing on. If she thinks she knows better than her parents then she should move out. Surely someone mature enough to know better than her parents, has the maturity to work a full time job, pay rent, balance budgets, and buy everything she needs to live.

[Ledgem]

Originally Posted by harmonious

They feed her, clothe her, house her, buy household necessities (soap, shampoo, etc), pay the water and electricity bill, and probably bought the computer she is typing on. If she thinks she knows better than her parents then she should move out.

I think that she should respect her parents' wishes when it comes to their house, property, and time. What she does with her body and her own time is up to her. Her parents are her guardians and support, and as such I would not say that what she does on her own time or to her body is none of their business. However, it's her life, not theirs.

[harmonious]

Originally Posted by Ledgem

I think that she should respect her parents' wishes when it comes to their house, property, and time. What she does with her body and her own time is up to her. Her parents are her guardians and support, and as such I would not say that what she does on her own time or to her body is none of their business. However, it's her life, not theirs.

So she can drop out of school if she wants to? Sorry, doesn't work the way you describe. They are her guardians. They have full responsibility to see that she does what she is suppose to be doing. For example, if she does something illegal then they are legally culpable.

[Ledgem]

Originally Posted by harmonious

So she can drop out of school if she wants to? Sorry, doesn't work the way you describe. They are her guardians. They have full responsibility to see that she does what she is suppose to be doing. For example, if she does something illegal then they are legally culpable.

Legally speaking, juvenile courts and prisons were set up for a reason. She could drop out of school if she wants to - her parents would not be able to force her to go to school.

No, her obligation to her parents is not because they spend money on her. It's because they care about her, and I would hope that she cares for them as well. It would be a betrayal of trust and it would also be hurtful to the parents if she were to utterly spurn them.

But this is going off-topic, and this topic itself is one where there's no rational approach. It's all opinion-based. You can write another reply if you like, but I'm content to agree to disagree. PM me or some such if something I've said really set you (or anyone reading this) off and you want to discuss it further.

[harmonious]

Originally Posted by Ledgem

Legally speaking, juvenile courts and prisons were set up for a reason. She could drop out of school if she wants to - her parents would not be able to force her to go to school.

No, her obligation to her parents is not because they spend money on her. It's because they care about her, and I would hope that she cares for them as well. It would be a betrayal of trust and it would also be hurtful to the parents if she were to utterly spurn them.

But this is going off-topic, and this topic itself is one where there's no rational approach. It's all opinion-based. You can write another reply if you like, but I'm content to agree to disagree. PM me or some such if something I've said really set you (or anyone reading this) off and you want to discuss it further.

Parents jailed in school truancy crackdown

[yezhanquan]

Legal issues in the United States differ from state to state. And as far as I can recall, there isn't a federal law holding parents responsible for truancy.

@Miko Miko: Try to talk to him. Half the time, problems come about because parents "listen" to their kids with their prejudices, and vice versa. The same issue may have different significance for different people.

[Miko Miko]

I sorted things out now anyway.
Thank goodness, I had to talk to him about it but its fine now.

[rio]

Originally Posted by WanderingKnight

Okay, I normally hate posting this kind of stuff but I'm kinda dumbfounded at the moment so I'll give it a shot:

I've just discovered that the girl I've been flirting with for some days now is not only missing half a brain, but also points the other half towards some sort of strange form of white supremacism/neonazism. She's not exactly a neonazi poster child, but she has these... opinions, you know. Figures something like that would've been hiding in a girl who's the child of a 79-year old German who can't even stand the idea of living in this country and not in the Mutterland.

(NOTE: Before you go gung-ho on me, I am not saying Germans are nazis. That particular German guy was born in a very specific context which gives leeway to such speculations).

Now, I've dated quite a few not-the-brightest-light-in-the-room girls, but this one beats me. She's given me some very clear signs that she wants to have something with me, and I can't say I don't feel physically attracted to her, but... I believe satisfying my carnal pleasure and dumping her would go against my principles. But there's no way in hell I can carry on a relationship with her--no way. Unless I'm supposed to attempt re-educating her from her... odd path.

So, right now I'm struggling against my innermost physical desires and my good-natured do-no-harm self. What do y'all reckon I should do?

Then, why don't you try to find a cleaver and attractive woman or be in love with her?
If you don't find the girl you date attractive, it seems you can't have a good relationship to me.
You can't love a woman seriously , or , just don't find a woman you love seriously around you?

As ledgem says, man and woman are different about thinking of Sex..
man can have sex with every girl, though woman can't.
so you can be in love when you have sex with woman.

but that is enough for yu? is it a love for yu?

if you are struggling about the woman , that means you don't be satisfied.

i think the situation of you at present is very hard, but you need to overcome it
if you want to proceed.

If you can't love the woman, say so to her. i can see you don't want to hurt her,
but , sometimes getting someone hurt is needed , even if you want to refuse it.

But if you are thinking that is also a pain for you, you are not cruel, and the girl would see it . Thinking of a person is a thing to be understood.

But if you would have much time, you need to think about it very well.
if talking with her can solve the problem, that is the best idea.

How you will do is up to you, at the end anyway.

[WanderingKnight]

Then, why don't you try to find a cleaver and attractive woman or be in love with them?

Because love ain't easy? I haven't found the love of my life yet, but I didn't want to stay a virgin until I finally do. For all I know I could've stayed single all my life!

(Plus, it's not like I hated those girls, either...)

i think the situation of you at present is very hard

Not really. If you really think so perhaps you're looking at it way more seriously than I do. Lust is for fun, not for worries or doubts.

[rio]

Originally Posted by WanderingKnight

Because love ain't easy? I haven't found the love of my life yet, but I didn't want to stay a virgin until I finally find it.

(Plus, it's not like I hated those girls, either...)

i see .

yes, it is difficult to find a true love,, i am also struggling to find a love, especially when i was around 20. finding true love is not easy. contrary to you, i had avoided love . Main reason is, i thought men can't love women , they just want to have sex with them .

But spending time a lot, i have gradually realized love isn't such a thing and men can love women , sex is a part of love if they love each other.

Having the thought, my attitude toward men has difinetely changed,
and, i can think i love man .

don't compare my thing with yours, but i think if you face woman and love , and think the attitude toward that is important , something might be changed.

Love might be a probability, but, i believe the attitude toward love is difinetely related to having a good love as a result.

[Mystique]

Originally Posted by WanderingKnight

Because love ain't easy? I haven't found the love of my life yet, but I didn't want to stay a virgin until I finally do. For all I know I could've stayed single all my life!

Not really. If you really think so perhaps you're looking at it way more seriously than I do. Lust is for fun, not for worries or doubts.

Spoken like a true guy.
Therein lies the problem
You-are-a-guy-with-blood-only-able-to-go-to-one-head-at-a-time.

But you said it. The fact that to Rio it feels like a tricky situation, cause to females it is, we do take it a little more seriously, we do ponder and worry more by nature.
I'm not saying that girls can't go casual either, of course they can, but it takes a very very confident girl/woman to do so (and even then, we have to go against our nature of wanting more than just casual sex if there's chemistry.) And usually, they're not that many around while they're teenagers.
Out of experience or failed long term relationships, it's women in their early/mid twenties (that I know of) or older who're able to cope with setting emotions aside and just sleep with guys for pleasure without caring much about the social stigma attached.

But at 19, come on, if she's the same age as you, and seems to have not many past relationships or isn't so sexually active already, then leave her be. You won't be emotionally hurt if you don't get laid for a few more months.
But to sleep with someone you don't really get on with, or respect much mentally and risk her getting attached or feeling more for you...well... I guess we're to read your character from that?

Seriously, guys (in general) if you want to get laid that bad, and want it for pure lust and pleasure, go hire a woman. Those are the most jaded, most professional, no emotional complication kind of females you will get.
(or if you don't wanna go that far..)
we live in the internet age. Join a casual sex hook up site (do some research for credibility), locate your area, set up a profile and see if you can find someone you like to participate with.
It's not like you need to satisfy any other aspect of yourself aside from lust, right?

The point being at the end of the day, always take mature, responsible steps towards sexual matters.

[Kakashi]

So that "Girls Just Want to Have Fun" song was all lies!?

Can't believe I looked at up to make a joke, never again.

[WanderingKnight]

But at 19, come on, if she's the same age as you, and seems to have not many past relationships or isn't so sexually active already, then leave her be. You won't be emotionally hurt if you don't get laid for a few more months.

Hey, she's the one who started flirting with me.

And come on, if you believe women at my age can't have sex for pleasure only... if only I told you about my past relationships

At any rate, we went out on Saturday and had a great time, but I've made it clear to her that, for now, I'm not looking for a relationship--she seemed to understand my feelings about it. She did express her willingness to get to know me better before doing anything, though... Which gets me to ponder on women's attitudes sometimes :/

EDIT: Just to clear things up, I am not trying to harm her emotionally or something of the sort, and I'd dislike it very much if we parted in a conflicting manner. I'm merely responding to her insinuations and her approach towards me. And she's hotter than any other girl I've ever been with, so not playing the game would make me feel a little stupid about myself.

Tell ya what's the most likely thing to happen: I end up having a relationship with her, even if I find her understanding of the world rather repulsive. I'm weak-willed like that

Though I know some part of myself will want to "convert" her and show her why some of her viewpoints are so utterly mistaken.