Dating

[Tsuyoshi]

Originally Posted by greedyisgood

I see... but right now "I do really love my job"

Why?? because the girl is the daughter of my boss...

Also what do you mean by first sign?

Probably just means first sign of interest. If ahe shows that she's interested, don't jump on the chance. Get to know her better first and discover her motivations. Most girls her age have simple crushes, but there are also those who are already seriously looking for love, even someone of marriage potential.

[Kafriel]

...and pray her father didn't send her to spy on you

[Tsuyoshi]

Originally Posted by Kafriel

...and pray her father didn't send her to spy on you

Yeah, when your boss is the dad of the girl who wants to go out with you, it can be pretty risky. Imagine that she somehiw gets disappointed with you and tells her father. By the time you're screwed, you'll already be walking right out the door.

[cheyannew]

Originally Posted by greedyisgood

Do all girls under 18 years old gets easily fall in love to older guys? I am turning 22 this year and a friend of mine told me that there is this 16 years old girl who has a crush or liking on me.

But I do believe that girls in this age are still immature, easily get caught by their emotions and maybe they misunderstood kindness from love. Am I right?

It's not all that uncommon for girls to have a crush on an older guy.


So long as it's not acted on, that's kosher, otherwise the older person is in a heap of trouble.

[Haruka_Kitten]

It's been a month since I started going out with my boyfriend, and it is only now I have discovered something may be amiss in what I thought was going so well.

Yesterday, I spent a day in Melbourne with some friends and him, looking at various clothing shops (my friend purchases this awesome coat and gets compliments left, right and centre). My friends made note of something interesting that I failed to note (maybe because I was too ignorant to see something was wrong), but I stormed out of a shop after someone rudely told me to "get out of (his) f***ing way", and he said to my friends I was just having a bad day, which my friends found a bit odd. Isn't it that your partner should probably look into something if one storms off in a huff?

I also made note of the fact he was becoming increasingly upset over something. In a way, he was a bit like me: constantly frowning, only smiling long enough to laugh at something, and then go back to frowning. Eventually, without warning, we were sitting in a cafe and he just up and left.

Now I would hate to make judgment, but my friends had noticed something was wrong that day, and even I did too. Normally, he's much more cheerful, and that would usually be me doing something like that. He was either unhappy in general or there is a more underlying and much more complex problem than I realised.

I am going to talk to him sometime soon, and not over MSN either (he doesn't seem to be on it recently anyway) I would seriously hate to think it was over already after just a month X_x.

[Shiemi]

Originally Posted by Harufox

Now I would hate to make judgment, but my friends had noticed something was wrong that day, and even I did too. Normally, he's much more cheerful, and that would usually be me doing something like that. He was either unhappy in general or there is a more underlying and much more complex problem than I realised.

I am going to talk to him sometime soon, and not over MSN either (he doesn't seem to be on it recently anyway) I would seriously hate to think it was over already after just a month X_x.

Was that day many days ago? You haven't spoken to him since? He might have been having a bad day, but if it had been that, it would have made sense for him to contact you the next day or a couple of days later. Maybe he is confused... Still, I cannot really figure what could have been going on in his head.

I do agree that talking on msn is not a good idea. It's better to talk things in person.

[RadiantBeam]

Originally Posted by Harufox

Isn't it that your partner should probably look into something if one storms off in a huff?

It's possible that he felt he didn't have the right to pry and just wanted to leave you alone to cool down, but it really depends. Either that or he didn't know why you were so worked up, which is another problem in and of itself.

I also made note of the fact he was becoming increasingly upset over something. In a way, he was a bit like me: constantly frowning, only smiling long enough to laugh at something, and then go back to frowning. Eventually, without warning, we were sitting in a cafe and he just up and left.

Now I would hate to make judgment, but my friends had noticed something was wrong that day, and even I did too. Normally, he's much more cheerful, and that would usually be me doing something like that. He was either unhappy in general or there is a more underlying and much more complex problem than I realised.

Getting to the bottom of the issue is definitely the best course of action, but I also warn you to approach it very carefully. I can't make an accurate judgement of your boyfriend from the post, but from what I've read he seems to be the type who keeps a problem locked inside until it becomes overwhelming (correct me if I'm wrong in my assumption, I could be way off base). I can sympathize, as I am someone with the same issue, and only recently have I started completely opening up to people and talking to them. Speaking personally, you might want to help and step into a minefield.

[greedyisgood]

^
I really do love your advise especially this part "You can look, but not touch." LOL

Do you think it would be best if I act just like an older brother?

[greedyisgood]

Noted.

I am not saying that I am not interested with her but right now I do believe that it would be best for her to find her love around her age.

Why? because we all know that our teen age life is the most fun moment in our life. Maybe I do not what her precious teen age life to be wasted. This is just my thoughts in my opinion.

[Haruka_Kitten]

Originally Posted by Shiemi

Was that day many days ago? You haven't spoken to him since? He might have been having a bad day, but if it had been that, it would have made sense for him to contact you the next day or a couple of days later. Maybe he is confused... Still, I cannot really figure what could have been going on in his head.

I do agree that talking on msn is not a good idea. It's better to talk things in person.

We've had our ups and downs, but this was a real dip I wasn't expecting, one that took me by surprise. He's usually the one cheering me up (I'm usually the one down in the dumps with some problem and he's telling me not to worry about it).

Originally Posted by RadiantBeam

It's possible that he felt he didn't have the right to pry and just wanted to leave you alone to cool down, but it really depends. Either that or he didn't know why you were so worked up, which is another problem in and of itself.



Getting to the bottom of the issue is definitely the best course of action, but I also warn you to approach it very carefully. I can't make an accurate judgement of your boyfriend from the post, but from what I've read he seems to be the type who keeps a problem locked inside until it becomes overwhelming (correct me if I'm wrong in my assumption, I could be way off base). I can sympathize, as I am someone with the same issue, and only recently have I started completely opening up to people and talking to them. Speaking personally, you might want to help and step into a minefield.

Honestly, I cannot say what he was thinking yesterday when he just decided to leave. Again, it is synonymous with what I would do when I am depressed (feel really crap, open my mouth for the very minimal task of breathing, and just disappear without notice, much to the concern of my own friends). In a way, it was like looking in a mirror. My friends tell me that there may be something hideously wrong in our relationship and that I should ask him about it before it gets worse.

I also had that little voice in my head (yes, I did the Golden Compass thing and ended up with a white wolf named Scion) who tells me I should have left him long ago and sought another girl. I am highly weary of this voice (she sometimes even pisses me off) but she's usually right in some way or another. I cannot do anything now until I talk to him, and I haven't heard from him since yesterday. He didn't even want help getting back into Melbourne and back home, even though we were on the other side of the city.

[Kafriel]

From the looks of it, two things could be happening...but the first has been going on for a while already: you're upset about the way people treat you because of your orientation, even though you don't have a problem with it. Second: you're not as interested in men as you thought you were, and now you want to go back asap in order to avoid future trouble, and because of the dilemma your mood's dropping.
I got no idea what your bf may have been thinking, maybe he's just tired or something...at any rate, sounds like you need to talk.

I am not saying that I am not interested with her but right now I do believe that it would be best for her to find her love around her age.

Why? because we all know that our teen age life is the most fun moment in our life. Maybe I do not what her precious teen age life to be wasted. This is just my thoughts in my opinion.

Even if you date her, it's not like you're starring in her life, she'll still have school and friends and family;and then you. Also it can be a great experience for both of you

You know what females and I hate? Chauvinists.

Sounds like we got a problem...

[SaintessHeart]

There's a difference between a moderate chauvinist and an extreme chauvinist. Since we men are not very good at understanding the opposite gender, non-chauvinistic males tend to have the "not my problem" kind of thinking when their girl gets into trouble because they don't see girls as physically unable to defend themselves.

Not to be offensive, but it has come to my attention that girls who speak out loud or think like that either :

1. Don't know what they are thinking
2. Are trying to be assertive to cover up their insecurity (a.k.a Miss Tsun)
3. Are bitches who try to get guys to pander up to her

Given how most modern societies have developed, Ayn Rand's rhetorics has little or no relevance to females because gender equality, is already more or less there.

[Haruka_Kitten]

Originally Posted by Kafriel

From the looks of it, two things could be happening...but the first has been going on for a while already: you're upset about the way people treat you because of your orientation, even though you don't have a problem with it. Second: you're not as interested in men as you thought you were, and now you want to go back asap in order to avoid future trouble, and because of the dilemma your mood's dropping.
I got no idea what your bf may have been thinking, maybe he's just tired or something...at any rate, sounds like you need to talk.

I don't know. People have stopped asking questions now and I have more to worry about than being bi, as I left home last Wednesday to escape the abusive nature of my mother (who wanted me to sever my ties with all my best friends because I loved them more than her). I haven't been in a good mood recently, and it's irrelevant to my sexual orientation or public scrutiny, just the fact I now have to catch a train and 2 buses t get to school.

As for him, he may be upset that I continue to ramble on about it, could also be the fact he's upset that I haven't been able to get close to him (and haven't had any alone time with him for 4 weeks already), or the fact that he's seeing that I'm picking up the cat mannerisms from him (as I am meant to be the seme, apparently, and acting part cat is his thing not mine). It could be anything, but I will need to talk to him about his suddenly getting up and going without warning, that was the first sign of trouble I noticed.

[SaintessHeart]

Originally Posted by Harufox

I don't know. People have stopped asking questions now and I have more to worry about than being bi, as I left home last Wednesday to escape the abusive nature of my mother (who wanted me to sever my ties with all my best friends because I loved them more than her). I haven't been in a good mood recently, and it's irrelevant to my sexual orientation or public scrutiny, just the fact I now have to catch a train and 2 buses t get to school.

As for him, he may be upset that I continue to ramble on about it, could also be the fact he's upset that I haven't been able to get close to him (and haven't had any alone time with him for 4 weeks already), or the fact that he's seeing that I'm picking up the cat mannerisms from him (as I am meant to be the seme, apparently, and acting part cat is his thing not mine). It could be anything, but I will need to talk to him about his suddenly getting up and going without warning, that was the first sign of trouble I noticed.

It takes time you know. I do believe that you will grow out of it once you meet the girl of your dreams, but for now, your parents are probably worried about your future, but they don't seem to see much about your emotional insecurity right now.

For one, to keep it at the point of stalemate, ignore them. Whatever they ask you to do, say ONLY these two words :

"Hm, okay."

in an apathetic tone. DON'T ARGUE WITH THEM.

Continue with the relationship until it ends. You probably don't know when so don't think about it, just continue on.

Secondly, there's more to life than just being in love with somebody. According to Maslow's Needs Hierarchy, self-actualisation is at the top, and that is what you are subconsciously working towards, whether you realise it or not. You don't know who you are, or what you want, and you are doing your best to find out why. For now, focus on these three things as your main objective :

1. Do well in your studies
2. Make more friends, know more people.
3. Find out what you really want to do in life before you reach 21.

Otherwise, you will have a difficult time salvaging your life after 5 years later, which is what I am doing now.

[SaintessHeart]

Originally Posted by Arbitres

... For some reason, I really want to say: Is this advice, or a life lesson? Because it almost sounds like your talking through experience, NLP.

I know I'm not helping. Though I do agree with the majority of your advice, if I do have to be serious. It's relative and to the point, though Harufox may have trouble following it at some point, depending on the actions or words of others.

Other then that, good show NLP.

That's advice. Because he hasn't reached a stage in life where emotional support from the opposite sex (or same, depending on who's your love partner) is a critical component to personal well-being.

That age ranges from 30-40, or sometimes lower at about 25-30, depending on how old the person has reached his/her goal of personal success. That emotional support is critical to maintaining a support level as he/she continues to be successful.

Henceforth the saying, "Behind every successful man/woman is a successful woman/man.".

He needs the foundation to succeed later in life, and the strength of the foundation is relative to how he uses a severely short-supplied resource called time. Whatever you learn and experience in your teenage and youth years, will form the foundation of your character in your life.

Unfortunately, more than 90% of the world population, including me, ignore advice like this, so I won't be surprised if he does. I suppose it's the two previous years of hell that gave me a really rude awakening, and it put me in a situation which I have one hell of a skill for that many others don't : salvaging.

[RadiantBeam]

Originally Posted by Harufox

As for him, he may be upset that I continue to ramble on about it, could also be the fact he's upset that I haven't been able to get close to him (and haven't had any alone time with him for 4 weeks already), or the fact that he's seeing that I'm picking up the cat mannerisms from him (as I am meant to be the seme, apparently, and acting part cat is his thing not mine). It could be anything, but I will need to talk to him about his suddenly getting up and going without warning, that was the first sign of trouble I noticed.

A sign of a good relationship is knowing you can ramble to the person (be it a good friend or your potential love interest), and know that they won't complain, because they can understand your issues. The alone time thing is something you'll have to talk to him about, since he seems rather annoyed that he hasn't been alone with you for awhile. Anyway, I have more to say on the cat mannerisms/seme side of it: basically, if he already has an idea of what you sould be, and if he's annoyed that you're picking up on his mannerisms, then you might have a big problem in the making there. For one thing, it's a bad sign that he already has expectations of what he wants you to be this early in the relationship, and the whole "cat mannerism mimicking" thing should rarely be an issue in a relationship, because after spending a lot of time with someone, you naturally pick up the mannerisms of the person you're with. You'll need to talk to him about this.

[Cz]

I am curious about something.

I have seen pictures on the Internet of people (mostly guys ) with lots of anime figurines and dolls, some of which are in various states of being clothed, or none at all. (And no, that link is SFW.) Some people seem to be avid collectors, having entire rooms full of such figurines and dolls.

I wonder what happens to the collection if the guy who has lots of figures/dolls that are in various forms of nakedness gets married and has children. I mean, even if the girlfriend/wife is open minded and okay with them, would the couple want their children to grow up knowing that their father has such a... sexy... collection?

Does anyone have any thoughts (or real life experiences ) with this? Please share.

[yoropa]

Originally Posted by Cz

I am curious about something.

I have seen pictures on the Internet of people (mostly guys ) with lots of anime figurines and dolls, some of which are in various states of being clothed, or none at all. (And no, that link is SFW.) Some people seem to be avid collectors, having entire rooms full of such figurines and dolls.

I wonder what happens to the collection if the guy who has lots of figures/dolls that are in various forms of nakedness gets married and has children. I mean, even if the girlfriend/wife is open minded and okay with them, would the couple want their children to grow up knowing that their father has such a... sexy... collection?

Does anyone have any thoughts (or real life experiences ) with this? Please share.

At that point I think you'd just sell them and use the profit to pay for your children.

[Kafriel]

Either what Yoropa said, or buy new outfits to dress them based on the wife's fashion sense! And stick them with super-glue so that the kids won't...experiment.

[Cz]

Originally Posted by Kafriel

Either what Yoropa said, or buy new outfits to dress them based on the wife's fashion sense! And stick them with super-glue so that the kids won't...experiment.

If someone has spent lots of money on the figures/dolls, Yoropa's method would definitely be better than destroying their value by super-glue'ing clothes. XD