2010-08-07, 01:04 | Link #6041 | |||
Honyaku no Hime
Fansubber
Join Date: May 2008
Location: In the eastern capital of the islands of the rising suns...
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We both have stated our points and the final line is, neither my beliefs or your beliefs become the be all and end all. Yours is only foolproof if the couple in question have the personality, the culture and mindset of being straight up, brutally honest and open and free with their feelings and thoughts. Chances of that are relatively slim as well... Quote:
There's being realistic and practical and scientific and whatnot and then there's being so damn pessimistic that it chokes the life and warmth outta living things that it's self destructive and razor sharp, it cuts. *shudders* What chance is there to invite warmth and positivism to you, how the hell can you expect people to accept you, hell it's not you we're not accepting, it's the blanket of loathing that we can't accept, the blades are way too sharp. Quote:
If we had an anorexic person come on board, tells us their view of the world, they're harming and preventing themselves from getting better, because it clashes with general common sense and evident self harm, especially since in Arbitres' case, he isn't the only one who faces the hardships that he has, and yet we have people who come off better and work through them and others who don't. Those who generally make it through some of the toughest hardships, perhaps more than we can ever imagine, usually can because of another human being, sometimes 1, sometimes a few who give them the strength and support to get through, especially since we're typically our own worst enemy. If making someone happy, spreads happiness, if positivism breeds positivism, if good springs more good, in a world that's full of pain and misery, how the hell can you say that people don't really care about people? There are thousands of people who dedicate their lives to helping others, without wanting the fame and glory, just living for the very purpose of easing pain is enough. Nothing more, nothing less and in that sense, there is more to humans than the fabric of 'carbon' that we're made of: we're an amazing species and an incredibly stupid one at the same time. We seek partners to share memories with and ideally share the burden of Life and carry on. The fact that we're mortal, makes us appreciate what we can lose and even then sometimes death isn't enough, we forget and take things for granted, it depends. "To experience pain is what allows us to learn and know how to be kind to each other." But still, for a dating thread as well, I think we went over this before, the cynicism and sucking out hope regarding a subject where people wanna try and discuss and experiment and listen to experience to aid their own successful stories means most of us we gonna be encouraging and helpful and offer advice and gee *gasp* Be positive. So if negative and self-hating responses are 'clashing with our own', it's to do with that blanket you carry, not you. 6 billion (or more) sure as hell didn't adorn you with that blanket so you've no excuse to condemn the human race and the rest of us in it. Realism for a negative situation (ie, it's a lesser chance of finding someone to accept me because of my socially deemed handicap) but pragmatically checking out your choices to help benefit oneself is fine. No need to flowery optimism and raising false hopes that serve to hurt, but condemning positivism and concern in itself with the blanket of self pity, cynicism and negativity that you carry is just poison... Dating is a tricky thing, sometimes more a pain in the ass than usual but not limited to one style or pattern. However we all agree that it takes: - Some degree of confidence - Courage - Hope And learning good communication If the rest of us are trying and supporting and encouraging, even to those who are feeling emotionally suicidal, who sometimes just need someone to show them the other side of the coin, then who the hell does anyone have a right to belittle or nullify it... Uuuuuugh, chou mukatsuku! Makes me mad, I almost wanna grab Kaijo and Arbitres by their ears, slap them both silly with flesh eating piranahs (yes, so you feel some real pain) and then tell you two to get over yourselves, make the most of what you do enjoy and smile some more. It's never as bad as you think it is. Think I've graced here with my presence enough for now, back to the lurking bench for me, I note a few others have raised some new issues, so leaving it to that.
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2010-08-07, 03:53 | Link #6042 | ||
Honyaku no Hime
Fansubber
Join Date: May 2008
Location: In the eastern capital of the islands of the rising suns...
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The replies after that, including my own, if you care to re-read them where still advisory towards you. Yes, it fires up people, cause not many like to see a person destroy themselves in a cycle to extreme pity, it hurts to see sometimes but we still try to reach out a little. So be as open as you like, just have the balls to deal with the reactions which should give you a hint as to what's going on objectively. As long as you're not making excuses, slamming our opinions down and listen (doesnt mean you can accept or beleive it which is fine) but just give us the courtesy to listen and ponder, it's enough. But to try to brush off our natural replies to your post as 'I tried but meh, I'm victim here see', some of us won't let you get away with that either. If you truly didn't wanna hear anything and ask for some help or advice, you'd have not said a damn thing in the first place. So work with us here I said before and I'll say it again, engage in your hobbies, work on your skills and make yourself content or happy with what drives or motivates you and it'll naturally bring some good people to you just cause of your attitude and personality, no matter what handicap you have. If you see past it, others will too. Dark and broody scares most off, so the choice is yours. Quote:
"Meh, it'd hurt no more than the vicious rip of my still beating heart from the evil creature named... "woman". .. Or something like it
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2010-08-07, 10:28 | Link #6046 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
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There are advantages when it comes to being single or having someone to spend time with. There might be other ways to handle being single, but to spend time with friends, it can be tough if you either lost contact with those friends, or never had friends to begin with. (Any friends I made in High School and college, never really carried over except at work.)
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2010-08-07, 11:18 | Link #6047 | |||||
Banned
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Not going to respond to everything, in order to keep this short and try to keep it somewhat on topic.
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I don't fit into your boxes. I don't have a neat little label you can pin on me. I'm actually quite happy with my life at the moment; I just have a low opinion of the human race in general. I control myself and my attitudes and emotions; I don't let others control those for me. And thus, my actions are based around that. I do what I want, same as everyone else, but I don't complain that someone makes me uncomfortable or mad, because I choose whether I want to feel that way. Allowing someone else to choose my emotions means I'm surrendering control, and I don't surrender control to anyone. I alone am the master of myself. I choose to see things how they are, not how I wish them to be, and not tinting the picture brighter or darker than it is. To do so puts me in a disconnect from reality. That's my brand of "being realistic" and you can call it cynicism or pessimism if it makes you feel better, but I think I know myself a bit better than you do. If making someone happy, spreads happiness, if positivism breeds positivism, if good springs more good, in a world that's full of pain and misery, how the hell can you say that people don't really care about people? [/quote] I never said they did. I said they don't care about *me*. And that's fine; I don't expect people to, and I fully admit I'm a hard person to care about, but that's something I accept and am fine with. I don't expect someone to say, "I'll be your friend regardless of what happens or what you do, because that's what it truly means to care and to be a friend." Unconditional friendship and love. Instead, the friendship I've seen comes with a number of conditions and are very easily broken. Quote:
So either believe what I'm telling you about myself, and prove me wrong, or continue to insist you know me better than I know myself, and thus prove me right. Quote:
Personally, I think someone getting the full range of possibilities is a good thing. Quote:
In short, I can accept Arbitres for who he is, flaws and all. He's a decent guy, and has just happened to have committed the crime of thinking differently. If that's a problem for anyone, I suggest they go somewhere else and find a smaller exclusive group of like-minded people so they don't have to be exposed to different mindsets. Or take some drugs. |
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2010-08-07, 19:21 | Link #6048 | ||
Test Drive
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Last edited by RadiantBeam; 2010-08-07 at 19:49. |
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2010-08-07, 20:02 | Link #6049 | |
Frandle & Nightbag
Join Date: Oct 2009
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@Kaijo and Arbitres: I don't really see how you guys 'think different', the vast majority of people I've ever known well are like you. You just have your own personal spins on the journey that led to your current situations, as everyone does. I disagree with you both often enough, but I love you as much as I love any other person, which is to say a lot, otherwise I'd ignore you guys. Nothing you can do will change that. *Hug*
But this is the last time we should discuss this here, because... @Everyone: This thread keeps getting derailed into personal tracts! A little self-analysis can be helpful now and then when it comes to the topic of dating, but sweeping statements about who is or is not realistic/optimistic/pessimistic etc. have added absolutely nothing to this thread, and clearly wasted the time and energy of a number of parties. At one point or another, most of the major contributors to this thread, myself included, have played a part in getting things off track, so I'm not pointing fingers. So, let's just keep this as closely to the core subject matter of dating as possible going forward, and keep your sense of self out of it. Try not to take issue with another's advice unless you think it's genuinely harmful, and if such a discussion emerges, let's all do our best to spare each other the personality commentary. Can we all agree to that? Okay, good. Quote:
Frankly, I think this is the ideal attitude to have. A relationship shouldn't be something to cover some lack, but an enjoyable addition to an already full and healthy life. Those who enter into relationships to cover deficiencies usually end up becoming dependent, which causes a big mess. @Nosferatu: If being single is getting you down, take up a hobby of some sort. Do something good for your mind and body. Being lonely is one thing, but if it becomes a general depression, you'll really start to feel the toll, and recovery will be harder.
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Last edited by Ricky Controversy; 2010-08-07 at 20:23. |
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2010-08-07, 20:07 | Link #6050 | |
Where's the monoeye?
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Hargenteen
Age: 35
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2010-08-07, 20:35 | Link #6053 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Virginia
Age: 47
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Um how 'bout something safer like roller bladeing, biking, or paintball? Don't get me wrong, if extreme sports are your bag go for it! Just wouldn't want to see ya get hurt by having that bungee cord snap on ya.@@
When I was still single I would always read or watch a movie. As long as in wasn't a romance!! @Ricky, nicely put and KUDOS!
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2010-08-07, 20:37 | Link #6054 | |
Where's the monoeye?
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Hargenteen
Age: 35
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But you gotta admit, the thrill you'd get from base jumping would sure over power the feeling of being lonely. A plan is forming. |
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2010-08-07, 22:23 | Link #6055 | |
Banned
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Because that's pretty much how it starts. I'm willing to let this drop for now, and the next time someone pipes up with this (and don't kid yourself, someone will, I bet you), I'll try to keep a reply short. Maybe I"ll even save a link to this post, heh. Back on topic, I've usually found that I meet and fall for someone specifically when I'm not looking for it. I suddenly find myself having a good time with a woman, and realize, "Hey, I'm beginning to like her." Whereas my attempts to outright look for it usually go nowhere fast. Probably works differently for other people, but part of it is learning to be happy with who you are and where you are in life, because that is what attracts women. I've actually got a couple seemingly getting an interest in me now that I've given up the game again, but I think this time I'm gonna turn them down. I'm almost too happy with my life as is, to want to ruin it, heh. |
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2010-08-07, 22:27 | Link #6056 | |
Test Drive
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You'd be one of the few who thought I had a healthy mindset on it. For some reason my friends have always worried about the fact that I would go long periods as a single person, especially if they themselves were dating someone at the time. I guess they were just worried about me or something, though. The way you say that worries me.
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2010-08-07, 22:36 | Link #6057 | |
Frandle & Nightbag
Join Date: Oct 2009
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Good luck with that. XD
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2010-08-08, 00:42 | Link #6059 |
~Nani...?~
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: ~Bleh~
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I have a question. How long does it take for a person to be out of a relationship and into another without the second relationship being considered a 'rebound'? I'm sure it depends on the person, but any idea on how long you should wait?
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2010-08-08, 01:11 | Link #6060 | |
Where's the monoeye?
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Hargenteen
Age: 35
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However, if you're asking on just a time basis, I'd say a few months 3-5 maybe. |
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Tags |
advice, break-ups, dating, dating after divorce, divorce, happiness, love, pairings, single dad, single mom |
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