AnimeSuki Forums

cheyannew · 2010-10-05, 11:54

Quote:

Originally Posted by synaesthetic

A bad sex life can strain any relationship.

But I was mostly being a smartass.

That's actually a valid argument, though...

Because (for some people) sex is such a bonding experience, an unsatisfactory sex life, when one (or both or all or whatever) people are not willing to look into/resolve said issue(s) CAN cause a strain on the relationship, because you feel you're missing that bond, etc.

That's why some people (myself included) preach/practice pre-marital sex, because then, at least you know you're sexually compatible.

And no, sex should not (and generally is not) the main focus of a relationship (unless that's what everyone agreed on to begin with). But very few long term relationships do NOT involve sex in some fashion, therefore, it is a concern.

ChainLegacy · 2010-10-05, 12:08

Though if you're a virgin up until that point you won't know the difference

cheyannew · 2010-10-05, 12:10

Quote:

Originally Posted by ChainLegacy

Though if you're a virgin up until that point you won't know the difference

When the time comes and you do finally get down to business, you'll know if it's satisfactory or not :P

synaesthetic · 2010-10-05, 12:10

Oh god, what a horrible fate that would be!

Ricky Controversy · 2010-10-05, 12:20

Quote:

Originally Posted by cheyannew

When the time comes and you do finally get down to business, you'll know if it's satisfactory or not :P

It's business~
It's business time~
You know when I get down to just my socks it's time for business, that's why they call 'em business socks~
It's business~
It's business time~

Sorry, I couldn't resist.

FateAnomaly · 2010-10-05, 23:05

Well i guess it is good to check that your would be spouse is of the correct gender you desire before you marry him/her.

Kaijo · 2010-10-06, 10:26

All that is important, really, is that a couple is compatible sexual-wise. That means similar sexual appetites and desires. If one of them doesn't really care about sex, while the other does get turned on a fair bit, then there will be problems down the road as the friction from the very different desires builds up.

ryodin · 2010-10-06, 14:14

Straight

I don't think it matters in the least what a person's sexuality is. Its not like we're really hurting for more population. If half the people in the world suddenly went down the other road we'd still need population controls.

And on the whole straight thing... Given it considerable thought but, everything about a girl is just so much more appealing than men. Soft curves over hard lines and the like. Men's bodies are repellent to me, and women are attractive. Oddly enough the whole plumbing and mechanism bit of male-male relationships isn't part of why I don't like men. Its everything else about them ^_^

And on that note, I've actually been bullied for my sexuality, oddly enough. Joined a gay-straight alliance and got together with a girl there (going on 4 years) and pissed a lesbian right the *%#$ off with it. Called me out during a meeting of "why the *%#$ are you here?" and several attempts at violence. Though she failed miserably so... that was just funny.

Kusa-San · 2010-10-06, 15:07

Quote:

Originally Posted by cheyannew

That's why some people (myself included) preach/practice pre-marital sex, because then, at least you know you're sexually compatible.

And if you're not sexually compatible what would you do ?

synaesthetic · 2010-10-06, 15:22

Well, if it's a pretty extreme incompatibility, it may kill any chance of a lasting, stable relationship.

Hypothetical: if you were sexually repulsed by BDSM, would you want to be married to a girl who could only get off by being tied up and whipped with a cat o' nine tails?

Kusa-San · 2010-10-06, 15:36

Quote:

Originally Posted by synaesthetic

Hypothetical: if you were sexually repulsed by BDSM, would you want to be married to a girl who could only get off by being tied up and whipped with a cat o' nine tails?

You're example is too extrem. Of course, I won't but I don't even think it will go that far. It will most likely end with the first date or something like that.

But, if for example, you really love someone but this someone is not so good in bed what will you do ?

~~Tsuyoshi~~ · 2010-10-06, 15:39

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kusa-San

You're example is too extrem. Of course, I won't but I don't even think it will go that far. It will most likely end with the first date or something like that.

But, if for example, you really love someone but this someone is not so good in bed what will you do ?

If it was me, I'd adjust to her pace (assuming I'm good in bed since I have no way to prove that). Besides, there's plenty of other ways to show your love for someone, and many of them better than sex, so I wouldn't let my love life be too influenced by it. Except in extreme scenarios like the one syn just pointed out

synaesthetic · 2010-10-06, 15:52

Whatever floats your boat, it's important to me so if they're terrible in bed, it's a non-starter. We wouldn't get past dating--but because I have no issue fucking before getting married...

I mean really, I date and have sex with other girls, I'm already on Sky Daddy's shit list, why should I follow his stupid "no sex before marriage" mandates? Besides the fact that it's a little hard to get married right now what with Prop. 8 up in the air and all.

~~Tsuyoshi~~ · 2010-10-06, 15:59

Well, I wouldn't be so quick to believe the rules of a book that people think dictates Sky Daddy's mandate

I have no qualms with premarital sex either, but if my gf were to have such qualms then I wouldn't mind that either. I've already waited 23 years, what's another 2 or 3 gonna do? I'll be marrying her eventually after all

Kaijo · 2010-10-07, 10:12

Eh, everyone is bad in bed at first, unless they are somehow very gifted. It's a given that most honeymoons are bad for this reason; it's one of the best-kept secrets out there. But the thing is, people can be trained, and they can learn. Learning how to best please your partner over the years(and everyone is a bit different about how they like to be pleased) is one of the many benefits of a relationship.

So someone being bad isn't an issue for me. They'll learn.

Ricky Controversy · 2010-10-07, 10:19

The primary thing is to be attentive. I'm sure coming from an asexual this sounds like an 'easy for you' sort of thing, but keep your wits about you when you're trying things and observe what works and what doesn't work. If you're only out to get yourself off, you'll miss these things. Work on pleasing your partner and trust them to work to please you, too. If you can't do that, you probably shouldn't be having sex with that person.

cheyannew · 2010-10-07, 12:09

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kusa-San

You're example is too extrem. Of course, I won't but I don't even think it will go that far. It will most likely end with the first date or something like that.

But, if for example, you really love someone but this someone is not so good in bed what will you do ?

But what if you didn't find that out until after you married her?

Seriously, though, it's not a matter of being "bad"; not being compatible is entirely different.
You could find that, for instance (sorry for tmi) the odor of your partner's privates is a huge turn off, and thus negates and chance of oral gratification (assuming the odor is not caused by something amiss... everyone has their own scent).

Or, for the ladies, your partner is too large to comfortable be accommodated. If they're too small, well that can be compensated for, but too big? you're screwed, pardon the pun.

This is assuming, also, that there has not been any serious foreplay prior to marriage happening. I don't know what non-premarital-sex people do, whether they fool around and just don't have intercourse, or whether they just don't do anything... I've never personally known someone who was waiting for marriage, so....

Throne Invader · 2010-10-07, 12:46

I think this pretty much boils down to how much importance you hold for sex cause I don't think a lot of people are just going to file a divorce or break up with their bf or gf assuming of course both have "normal" sex drives. It does seem pretty shallow to break off a relationship just because one does not like submitting to the other's fetish. There are so many many other ways to express love. I think worshipping sex too much isn't healthy...at all. And it seems very shallow. No offense of course to those who do. We are sexual beings but that doesn't comprise our whole being. Several factors may also contribute to how someone treats sex education like background, environment, and role models.

Well, that's at least for me. I fully respect synaesthetic and cheyannew's view points seeing they strongly believe in compatibility before marriage. I probably hold the field of sex as a way more smaller portion in my relationships/future relationships than theirs. I also believe in and am also preaching sex after marriage so as to avoid any "accidental" accidents by our non 100% durable contraceptives and to avoid the spread of any STD be it benign or fatal to any other party outside of your current relationship. At least if you're infected with an STD you'll more likely know who gave it to you and you can also try to save the person. 1 STD will not make you feel the same as having 2 STDs. That is double trouble.

@synaesthetic

And no synaesthetic, Sky Daddy does not have a "naughty" list. It is in the end where judgement will come and all those not listed in the Book of Life will be thrown into the Lake of Fire

synaesthetic · 2010-10-07, 12:51

Well, I don't sleep with random strangers, so STDs are the least of my worries. And I don't sleep with guys either so no accidental babies, either.

Sing4ever9 · 2010-10-07, 17:47

Also about the whole "Sky Daddy" thing; God doesn't keep tabs like that. ^^;;
I've come to acknowledge that the Bible was a book written by people who saw something they didn't like, wrote it down, and slapped the lable "God says it's wrong" on it. Like Homosexuality; I've read that it was a natural feeling that's even shared amongst animals (humans, believe/like it or not, are a part of it). But someone was disgusted by it and made up this lie about how God said it was a sin. If there's one thing I know, it's that God doesn't make mistakes.

As long as one knows the risks that come with sex, then by all means, have sex. However, people who do blindly go and have sex with random people, they honestly have no idea what they could be getting themselves into for various reasons. That makes me worry a whole lot.

2010-10-05, 12:10	Link #824
synaesthetic blinded by blood Author Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Oakland, CA Age: 40	Oh god, what a horrible fate that would be! __________________ Indie science fiction author and all-around weirdo: Check out my original fiction here! Read an excerpt from my sci-fi novel Binary System!

2010-10-06, 15:22	Link #830
synaesthetic blinded by blood Author Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Oakland, CA Age: 40	Well, if it's a pretty extreme incompatibility, it may kill any chance of a lasting, stable relationship. Hypothetical: if you were sexually repulsed by BDSM, would you want to be married to a girl who could only get off by being tied up and whipped with a cat o' nine tails? __________________ Indie science fiction author and all-around weirdo: Check out my original fiction here! Read an excerpt from my sci-fi novel Binary System!

2010-10-06, 15:52	Link #833
synaesthetic blinded by blood Author Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Oakland, CA Age: 40	Whatever floats your boat, it's important to me so if they're terrible in bed, it's a non-starter. We wouldn't get past dating--but because I have no issue fucking before getting married... I mean really, I date and have sex with other girls, I'm already on Sky Daddy's shit list, why should I follow his stupid "no sex before marriage" mandates? Besides the fact that it's a little hard to get married right now what with Prop. 8 up in the air and all. __________________ Indie science fiction author and all-around weirdo: Check out my original fiction here! Read an excerpt from my sci-fi novel Binary System!

2010-10-07, 10:19	Link #836
Ricky Controversy Frandle & Nightbag Join Date: Oct 2009	The primary thing is to be attentive. I'm sure coming from an asexual this sounds like an 'easy for you' sort of thing, but keep your wits about you when you're trying things and observe what works and what doesn't work. If you're only out to get yourself off, you'll miss these things. Work on pleasing your partner and trust them to work to please you, too. If you can't do that, you probably shouldn't be having sex with that person. __________________ "366 to Vati," a speculative fiction experiment. Strike a blow to vivify!

2010-10-07, 12:46	Link #838
Throne Invader Protecting the Throne Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Asia Tour Age: 32	I think this pretty much boils down to how much importance you hold for sex cause I don't think a lot of people are just going to file a divorce or break up with their bf or gf assuming of course both have "normal" sex drives. It does seem pretty shallow to break off a relationship just because one does not like submitting to the other's fetish. There are so many many other ways to express love. I think worshipping sex too much isn't healthy...at all. And it seems very shallow. No offense of course to those who do. We are sexual beings but that doesn't comprise our whole being. Several factors may also contribute to how someone treats sex education like background, environment, and role models. Well, that's at least for me. I fully respect synaesthetic and cheyannew's view points seeing they strongly believe in compatibility before marriage. I probably hold the field of sex as a way more smaller portion in my relationships/future relationships than theirs. I also believe in and am also preaching sex after marriage so as to avoid any "accidental" accidents by our non 100% durable contraceptives and to avoid the spread of any STD be it benign or fatal to any other party outside of your current relationship. At least if you're infected with an STD you'll more likely know who gave it to you and you can also try to save the person. 1 STD will not make you feel the same as having 2 STDs. That is double trouble. @synaesthetic And no synaesthetic, Sky Daddy does not have a "naughty" list. It is in the end where judgement will come and all those not listed in the Book of Life will be thrown into the Lake of Fire __________________ It's time to start letting her make her own decisions. - Mom's dermatologist~

2010-10-05, 12:08	Link #822
ChainLegacy 廉頗 Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Massachusetts Age: 34	Though if you're a virgin up until that point you won't know the difference

2010-10-05, 23:05	Link #826
FateAnomaly Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2007	Well i guess it is good to check that your would be spouse is of the correct gender you desire before you marry him/her.

2010-10-06, 10:26	Link #827
Kaijo Banned Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Somewhere over the rainbow, in a house dropped on an ugly, old woman.	All that is important, really, is that a couple is compatible sexual-wise. That means similar sexual appetites and desires. If one of them doesn't really care about sex, while the other does get turned on a fair bit, then there will be problems down the road as the friction from the very different desires builds up.

2010-10-06, 14:14	Link #828
ryodin Junior Member Join Date: Oct 2010	Straight I don't think it matters in the least what a person's sexuality is. Its not like we're really hurting for more population. If half the people in the world suddenly went down the other road we'd still need population controls. And on the whole straight thing... Given it considerable thought but, everything about a girl is just so much more appealing than men. Soft curves over hard lines and the like. Men's bodies are repellent to me, and women are attractive. Oddly enough the whole plumbing and mechanism bit of male-male relationships isn't part of why I don't like men. Its everything else about them ^_^ And on that note, I've actually been bullied for my sexuality, oddly enough. Joined a gay-straight alliance and got together with a girl there (going on 4 years) and pissed a lesbian right the %#$ off with it. Called me out during a meeting of "why the %#$ are you here?" and several attempts at violence. Though she failed miserably so... that was just funny.

2010-10-06, 15:59	Link #834
~~Tsuyoshi~~ Disabled By Request Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: The Great Justice	Well, I wouldn't be so quick to believe the rules of a book that people think dictates Sky Daddy's mandate I have no qualms with premarital sex either, but if my gf were to have such qualms then I wouldn't mind that either. I've already waited 23 years, what's another 2 or 3 gonna do? I'll be marrying her eventually after all

2010-10-07, 10:12	Link #835
Kaijo Banned Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Somewhere over the rainbow, in a house dropped on an ugly, old woman.	Eh, everyone is bad in bed at first, unless they are somehow very gifted. It's a given that most honeymoons are bad for this reason; it's one of the best-kept secrets out there. But the thing is, people can be trained, and they can learn. Learning how to best please your partner over the years(and everyone is a bit different about how they like to be pleased) is one of the many benefits of a relationship. So someone being bad isn't an issue for me. They'll learn.

2010-10-07, 12:51	Link #839
synaesthetic blinded by blood Author Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Oakland, CA Age: 40	Well, I don't sleep with random strangers, so STDs are the least of my worries. And I don't sleep with guys either so no accidental babies, either. __________________ Indie science fiction author and all-around weirdo: Check out my original fiction here! Read an excerpt from my sci-fi novel Binary System!

2010-10-07, 17:47	Link #840
Sing4ever9 Member Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: In America.	Also about the whole "Sky Daddy" thing; God doesn't keep tabs like that. ^^;; I've come to acknowledge that the Bible was a book written by people who saw something they didn't like, wrote it down, and slapped the lable "God says it's wrong" on it. Like Homosexuality; I've read that it was a natural feeling that's even shared amongst animals (humans, believe/like it or not, are a part of it). But someone was disgusted by it and made up this lie about how God said it was a sin. If there's one thing I know, it's that God doesn't make mistakes. As long as one knows the risks that come with sex, then by all means, have sex. However, people who do blindly go and have sex with random people, they honestly have no idea what they could be getting themselves into for various reasons. That makes me worry a whole lot.