2010-12-18, 11:56 | Link #7344 | |
Dietrich fan #681675
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Lesson learned: take caution when alcohol's involved.
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2010-12-18, 13:27 | Link #7345 |
Banned
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That's the risk you take with any romantic entanglements. That's why it's so scary and difficult for us to express the love and affection we might feel for someone, and why it takes a lot of courage to do. You put your heart on the line to be honest with someone, praying that they don't smash it to pieces.
In the end, you just have to go for it. I try to be a logical guy, but love is an emotion, and a powerful one. Difficult to control. If it fails for whatever reason, allow yourself time to grieve, then pick yourself back up and move on. Been there many times myself, and it hurts just as bad each time, but you get used to it and thus recovery time shortens. My first major love left me broken for over a year, and when I picked myself back up, the successive ones left me broken for shorter times. I think I'm down to a month now, heh. The way I look at it now: I can either 'run with it' or forever be left wondering what might have been. |
2010-12-18, 23:58 | Link #7348 | |
World's Greatest
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: San Francisco
Age: 36
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2010-12-20, 04:57 | Link #7349 |
ドジ
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: In a house
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Why would someone want to hide the fact that she has a boyfriend?
That someone is the girl I like. And the boyfriend isn't me. They are in a long distance relationship (he's at college abroad) so I have never met him and it's easy to hide his existence. Anyhow, I have been getting closer to her over the past few months and recently realised my feelings. I didn't know whether *she* thought of me as anything more than a friend, but I sometimes thought she did. Without giving a name to our relationship, we were essentially dating already. We've even agreed to spend Christmas Eve together. However, she's been "busy" these past few days, and I found out (from a mutual friend) that her boyfriend has just come back from abroad to visit her. I've asked her before if she has a boyfriend, mentioned a hypothetical boyfriend in passing on numerous occasions, and she always gave evasive answers. This time, she said she was busy because her "sister's friend" was visiting. Why does she want to hide from me the fact that she already has a boyfriend? Is she using me to fill in the gap while her boyfriend is away? (I don't know what I should think of that!) Or is she having trouble deciding who she likes? And now that I know she has a boyfriend, should anything change? Should I take a step back and stop "dating" her, have one of those "talks" with her, or enjoy it while it lasts? Thanks (Oh, and before you ask, it was all very innocent. The two of us are probably the shiest in our group of friends and I think that's probably why we started to spend so much time together while the others went clubbing and partying.) |
2010-12-20, 05:33 | Link #7350 | |
World's Greatest
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: San Francisco
Age: 36
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2010-12-20, 05:43 | Link #7351 | |
ドジ
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: In a house
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Oh btw, when I asked whether she had a boyfriend, it was in a casual, off-handed sort of way, and this was before I started to "like" her in that way so I don't think my facial expressions were obviously implying anything. Forgetting about her probably won't be so easy because I'm with her so often and we share the same circle of friends. It would require an obvious effort to purposely avoid her, and that would probably make her sad (and everyone else puzzled) regardless of her feelings towards me. Also, I don't "look" for girls; when love happens, it happens. Thanks for your advice though. Last edited by Yukinokesshou; 2010-12-20 at 05:58. |
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2010-12-20, 08:16 | Link #7352 | |
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1) She thought of you as a friend only all along
However, there is no sure way of knowing. And I think you are in a bad position and should back away. You could also confont her. Either confront her in the "why did you lie to me manner?" or casually like "funny, you never mentioned your boyfriend". It depends on the two of you but since you are friends for a while you have the right to know. Asking yourself is the only way of getting an answer. Unless you wanna use your friend circle for that Imo it's either forget about it or clear it up. Just pretending nothing happened won't work so well. And as things stand .. you gonna be the one who gets hurt in the end. Think about what you want and what is important to you. Maybe talk about it with someone who knows the both of you. And don't forget to prioritize yourself You did nothing wrong, it's NOT normal to never talk about your relationship. There's almost always a reason for not telling. And most of them aren't pretty. Specially, if you get the feeling someone might be intereted in you. You usually slip "oh my boyfriend blabla" into the conversation to avoid misunderstandings. Last edited by zebra; 2010-12-20 at 11:57. |
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2010-12-20, 09:41 | Link #7353 | |
廉頗
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Massachusetts
Age: 34
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2010-12-20, 11:33 | Link #7354 | |
Test Drive
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2010-12-20, 14:06 | Link #7355 |
Senior Guest
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Athens (GMT+2)
Age: 35
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"How was your day hun?"
"Oh, it was swell, I sealed a deal of over 9k and the boss was happy with me, he was!" "That's great, dear. So, I went to the market, and I remember I had forgotten to ask you something today, how come you didn't tell me about your bf?" -indifferent look- |
2010-12-20, 14:34 | Link #7356 |
#1 Akashiya Moka Fan
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Add another one to the "confront her about her boyfriend" party. Don't go accusing her and everything, but definitely talk to her about the subject. After that... well, it might be an idea to just move on. Go through a little pain now instead of dragging things on and causing a mountain of pain for yourself.
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2010-12-20, 16:52 | Link #7357 |
ドジ
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: In a house
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Zebra, ChainLegacy, RadiantBeam and Magin:
Thank you all so much for your advice!! I really appreciate it So in short, I guess I have no choice but to talk with her about it. RadiantBeam, Magin: Honestly speaking, I'm not angry. I don't see how I could be angry. I like her too much to ever be angry with her. More than anything else, I just want her to be happy Zebra: Thanks for the list of possibilities. It does help to sort things out and I think a few of them might apply to us. ChainLegacy: The thing is, even if she is "thinking of breaking it off with her boyfriend for me", I don't know whether I'd be able to feel secure in this potential relationship. After all, the same thing could happen to me (given our circumstances, a long-distance relationship will be inevitable in a couple of years). |
2010-12-21, 07:39 | Link #7359 | |
World's Greatest
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: San Francisco
Age: 36
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2010-12-22, 00:19 | Link #7360 |
Banned
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Long-distance relationships are hard for a reason. You need the person there to really share things with, and without that, a person is more prone to wander. This is what she's doing; without him around, she's filling an emotional void with you. It could also be called "emotional cheating."
On the other hand, she hasn't told you about her boyfriend, so a part of her is playing the field, keeping her options open. Keep this in mind if an opportunity to get into a relationship with her comes along. And if you do keep seeing her and she does have some feelings for you, a temptation will come along; decide in advance how you want to handle it. Lastly, I'm going to be one of the ones that partially disagrees with the rest about talking to her. Let her come to you about it. She'll probably just think you're snooping on her life if you bring it up; girls tend to do that when you tell them something you found out about them that they were trying to hide from you. If it were me, I wouldn't say anything, but I wouldn't encourage anything. If she blatantly admits feelings or makes a move, then I'd ask if she was seeing anyone. The point would be to see how trustworthy she could be. Then I'd bring up the issue with a friend of hers. Whatever you do, plan for every contingency, and decide in advance how you want to handle it, so you're not left vulnerable when something happens. |
Tags |
advice, break-ups, dating, dating after divorce, divorce, happiness, love, pairings, single dad, single mom |
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