Friendship

[warita]

Originally Posted by DragoZERO

Do I tell my friend to speak to her parents? Would using the two mature 25-year old debate be plausible? Or am I just stuck and should continue dealing with it until they get married and she moves out in three years?

Thats exactly what I would do. I mean, she is old enough now.

When I was 19, my mother thought she can prohibit me going out with a friend to a club. She said that well mannered girls dont hang out in clubs and I am prohibited to go anywhere. I said I am going whether she likes it or not. She didnt like it... and she got over it.

[Paranoid Android]

Originally Posted by warita

Thats exactly what I would do. I mean, she is old enough now.

When I was 19, my mother thought she can prohibit me going out with a friend to a club. She said that well mannered girls dont hang out in clubs and I am prohibited to go anywhere. I said I am going whether she likes it or not. She didnt like it... and she got over it.

Ugh for some odd reason, I always sympathize (doesn't mean I agree) with the parents in these matters even though I don't have kids. I'd get so stressed out whenever a friend is out late at night.

A friend of mine one time decided to get out of the house at 4:00 am to go out jogging. When she was 17. Oh I wish I heard whatever elaborate explanation she used to get out of that one. I mean who's gonna buy the "I went out at 4am cause i felt like jogging" even if it's the truth lol...

[warita]

Originally Posted by Paranoid Android

Ugh for some odd reason, I always sympathize (doesn't mean I agree) with the parents in these matters even though I don't have kids.

I have never been a trouble maker as a teenager. I didnt go to discos, I didnt smoke, drink alcohol or stayed out until late. In fact my parents didnt need to set a curfew for me, I was home every night like a good girl. Actually quite sad, thinking about it. But I never felt the need to rebel against my parents, nor did I consider teenager style amusement any fun.

But when I was 19, I finally started coming out of my shell and well, I wanted to go out that night. I guess it caught my mum off guard, because I never did that before. She still doesnt agree, when I stay out until late (which in my case means I return around midnight) but she doesnt say anything. And god prevent I would actually want to sleep over at some guys place. Hahaha, my mom is so prude.

But what I actually meant to say with this is, that if that girl wont stand up against the curfew, it wont change. She needs to have a talk with her parents and remind them, that she is now old enough, she has proven to be responsible and she will get married in the near future. Surely she can stay out with her future husband until.... is 12 fine with you? hahaha (I return home before midnight because thats the last bus... sigh)

[Paranoid Android]

WTF how does holding down shift for a very long time make me go back a page... I just lost everything I typed.

Yeah I agree that parents won't be the first to change and become lenient and trusting their kids.

Originally Posted by warita

Surely she can stay out with her future husband until.... is 12 fine with you? hahaha (I return home before midnight because thats the last bus... sigh)

Laaame! I go to my gf's place almost every night when it's weekend or vacation or summer holidays and ride bike home on my bike at 4am. It's a 30 minute trip.

But then again gender makes a difference. I'd tie my girlfriend down if she tried to go home on a bicycle at 3:00 am.

I think it's a good idea to introduce your friends that you plan on hanging out with and give their cellphone # to your parents. That's what I always do when I take any female friends out and their parent tries to kill me via eyebrows.

[Vexx]

At some point, you have to realize your "kids" are adult housemates and you have shift gears. If they're contributing to the house management (cleaning, rent, etc) then other than the courtesy of letting you know their schedule (so you know when to report them missing or go rescue them) you need to drop the authority part -- "good friend adviser".

OTOH, if they're completely dependent on you, you have some say (in terms of financial impact). You want to make sure your investment in them to create an independent human being isn't at too much risk

At least that's what THIS PARENT (me) thinks.

[SaintessHeart]

Originally Posted by Vexx

At some point, you have to realize your "kids" are adult housemates and you have shift gears. If they're contributing to the house management (cleaning, rent, etc) then other than the courtesy of letting you know their schedule (so you know when to report them missing or go rescue them) you need to drop the authority part -- "good friend adviser".

OTOH, if they're completely dependent on you, you have some say (in terms of financial impact). You want to make sure your investment in them to create an independent human being isn't at too much risk

At least that's what THIS PARENT (me) thinks.

Well what if your kid is boomerang and hung up like me?

I admit, I have been giving my parents tons of problems for the past 4 years (or at least for their life) as an adult, and now I am in-out of jobs without a proper degree nor any ability to afford it at the current rate. I still need them to foot for most of the household bills and food while I am looking for a job.

There is no bigger joke than reality when it marginalises people with financial and social disabilities without legalising a recourse like "soylent greening".

[Vexx]

Originally Posted by SaintessHeart

Well what if your kid is boomerang and hung up like me?

I admit, I have been giving my parents tons of problems for the past 4 years (or at least for their life) as an adult, and now I am in-out of jobs without a proper degree nor any ability to afford it at the current rate. I still need them to foot for most of the household bills and food while I am looking for a job.

There is no bigger joke than reality when it marginalises people with financial and social disabilities without legalising a recourse like "soylent greening".

You and my #1 son are in much the same boat (boomarang) thannks to the economy. Its a delicate dance. Our tab for room and board and gasoline... he looks for a job and helps with the housework/projects. As long as he's looking and helping - I only ask he keep us posted on his outings so we know if we need to drag the river

[Kyero Fox]

Originally Posted by Kyuu

OH, the sad feeling of being "FRIEND ZONED!"

Protip for guys: put the girl in the friend zone first.

Anyways. Every New Year since high school - I've been gathering up with my friends. Likewise, we do it again this weekend. To think, it's been about 14-15 years since we first started this tradition.

Ha! I never thought that is even possible unless their gay or taken.

[SaintessHeart]

Originally Posted by Vexx

You and my #1 son are in much the same boat (boomarang) thannks to the economy. Its a delicate dance. Our tab for room and board and gasoline... he looks for a job and helps with the housework/projects. As long as he's looking and helping - I only ask he keep us posted on his outings so we know if we need to drag the river

I wish my parents think the same way as you do. My mother is asking me to take up dead-end jobs (which I have plenty of connections for) while I want a long term career in legalised confidence tricking the finance industry.

My friends were encouraging me to walk a path that way while my mother thinks that I am working as a cheat. Sometimes I wish my parents would be more open-minded about such things in life.

[monsta666]

Originally Posted by SaintessHeart

I wish my parents think the same way as you do. My mother is asking me to take up dead-end jobs (which I have plenty of connections for) while I want a long term career in legalised confidence tricking the finance industry.

My friends were encouraging me to walk a path that way while my mother thinks that I am working as a cheat. Sometimes I wish my parents would be more open-minded about such things in life.

While the financial industry is certainly making the big bucks at this moment of time you need to consider whether it can continue to be this profitable in the long-term future. I would argue the debt accumulating in the US and other OECD countries is unsustainable and the banks will suffer when things come to a head. I am pretty sure there will be another "black swan" event that triggers the next financial crisis. So while you can make lots of money (and good luck if you get a foot in the industry) don't expect this to last for the decades to come. It is a dry read but if you can read This Time is Different by Carmen Reinhart & Kenneth Rogoff you will certainly gain some insights into financial crises, bank panics, government defaults or inflationary spikes.

[SaintessHeart]

Originally Posted by monsta666

While the financial industry is certainly making the big bucks at this moment of time you need to consider whether it can continue to be this profitable in the long-term future. I would argue the debt accumulating in the US and other OECD countries is unsustainable and the banks will suffer when things come to a head. I am pretty sure there will be another "black swan" event that triggers the next financial crisis. So while you can make lots of money (and good luck if you get a foot in the industry) don't expect this to last for the decades to come. It is a dry read but if you can read This Time is Different by Carmen Reinhart & Kenneth Rogoff you will certainly gain some insights into financial crises, bank panics, government defaults or inflationary spikes.

I am going into the financial industry to learn the art of negotiating and selling - namely invisible products because they are hard to sell. Starting from the most difficult makes for quality learning. Besides, selling them would require building connections, and I enjoy hunting for resource and negotiating with others.

The finance industry is always profitable. The problem is about being good enough at it yet still maintaining a sense of ethics; it takes tremedous skill with lots of practice.

[Ledgem]

Originally Posted by warita

So I asked myself, if I want to be friends with somebody like this and the answer is NO. I think it is better for me to cut the contact with him, because I see loads of arguments with him down the road. I just dont agree with the things he does and he wont shut up about it either. Somehow we always end up talking about his relationship, his ideas about XY and it ends with me being seriously upset. So I decided to drop him as a friend, because it is better for my nerves.

The guy sounds like a bit of a sleazeball in my opinion. If you generally disagree with him about everything, then by all means cut the relationship. If it's pretty much just a matter of his relationship thoughts that make you upset, then you could make it clear to him that there's a fundamental rift between the two of you on that topic, and to leave you out of it.

A lot of friends avoid political discussions for the same reason: they'll never agree, and it just gets heated and develops feelings of negativity for one another. Yet in spite of those differences, these people can still be friends and enjoy each other's company while engaging in certain activities... as long as politics aren't brought up.

But it's as Vexx said: life's too short. If the guy really bugs you, there's not much point in subjecting yourself to him.

Originally Posted by SaintessHeart

I wish my parents think the same way as you do. My mother is asking me to take up dead-end jobs (which I have plenty of connections for) while I want a long term career in legalised confidence tricking the finance industry.

Why can't you do both? Maybe Singapore is radically different from America in this regard, but assuming they're similar, working a "dead-end job" doesn't bar you from looking for other jobs. A lot of people enter a line of work that they don't intend to commit to long-term, while looking and waiting for an opening in their desired field. It's a way to earn some money and have something to put on your resume.

[Nightbat®]

Originally Posted by SaintessHeart

I wish my parents think the same way as you do. My mother is asking me to take up dead-end jobs (which I have plenty of connections for) while I want a long term career in legalised confidence tricking the finance industry.

Want and Get are 2 different things

You're gonna need to pay the biills wether you want to or not
untill you can get what you want, you take what you can get

My friends encourage me to 'follow dreams/ideas" too, but at least they're down to earth enough
to remind me that untill I have achieved that, I'll have to do something other than freeloading

[SaintessHeart]

Originally Posted by Nightbat®

Want and Get are 2 different things

You're gonna need to pay the biills wether you want to or not
untill you can get what you want, you take what you can get

My friends encourage me to 'follow dreams/ideas" too, but at least they're down to earth enough
to remind me that untill I have achieved that, I'll have to do something other than freeloading

I am not freeloading at all. Weekends are reserved for ad hoc jobs, weekdays are for jobhunting and main jobbing. Any free time will be either on this forum or writing music, travel time is solely for reading. I don't go out and party or shop.

My mum is a tsundere sometimes. She is extremely mean-spirited when it comes to me playing computer games or taking up a sales position instead of working ad hoc in a dead-end job (which job offers 4 hour shifts anyway, most are at least 6 or 7), but I think she secretly feels glad that I am willing to take up night shifts on the other side of the island instead of congregating at a church on Sunday like my sister.

Though I wonder if I can survive until 50 without being sterile at this rate.

[Dr. Casey]

yay friendship

[warita]

Hera-san, may I ask how old you are?

Also.... in this situation it would be good to know the nature of the argument. I am unsure what kind of help you expect? I mean, if it bothers you that he lied to you and insulted you and you have the feeling he wont accept his fault.... then draw consequencies from it. What you should do in this case really depends on how much it upsets you.

I get the feeling that rather asking for advice, you want to rant a little and thats fine too, if not taken to the extreme.

[Hera]

How to resolve this, I mean. Neither of us is ending the friendship now, but both of us are very angry at each other at the moment. I already told him if he treated me with this attitude again, I'd end the friendship. Then he blew up. So now I'm trying to hold back while he's fuming.

ps: is my age relevant here? : p Yeah sometimes I want to rant too.

[Ledgem]

Originally Posted by Hera

How to resolve this, I mean. Neither of us is ending the friendship now, but both of us are very angry at each other at the moment. I already told him if this happens again, I'll end the friendship. Then he blew up. So now I'm trying to hold back while he's fuming.

It's not unusual for friendships to experience fights. Give it some time for you and him to simmer down, and then try again.

It's different with guys and girls, but with guys, it usually fixes itself with time. I can think of times where friends and I would encounter some major disagreement, or someone would get upset at someone else, and then there'd be no speaking or interaction for about a week. After that, it was as if nothing had happened. I like to think that during those times, we just recognized how silly the source of conflict was and dropped it. I hear it's a bit more difficult with girls, because girls aren't willing to forget and let things go so easily.

Note that this advice only applies to friendships. When it comes to dating relationships, I support the advice that one should never go to sleep without resolving (or at least initiating resolution to) a fight.

[warita]

As I was reading this line:

Originally Posted by Ledgem

......and then there'd be no speaking or interaction for about a week. After that, it was as if nothing had happened.

I was thinking this line:

Originally Posted by Ledgem

I hear it's a bit more difficult with girls, because girls aren't willing to forget and let things go so easily.

Its like that with me. A problem that hasnt been talked about remaines a problem and instead of getting better over time, it has the tendency to get worse.... aka it is not a good idea to give me much time to think about it.

I dont like it, when people assume that grass will grow over it and later, they can pretend nothing ever happened.

Hera, it is kind of hard to tell who is right and wrong in this case, since you dont offer any details.

[Hera]

Gosh, in MY case, I AM a girl, but I let the past argument pass by. I tried to behave as if nothing happened. He was at fault, too, but as I said, because I apologized first, he thought he's "innocent", which made him think he had the "right" to blow up again.
I'm wondering about how to NOT let him get away with being " innocent" without provoking his temper, again.