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Old 2008-12-11, 14:00   Link #11381
markesellus
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Satashi View Post
Spoiler for Pornstar!Vivio pt.55:


Yay Thursday/Friday! I can actually write ^^;
Yay for you having time! Hayate is her middle name... I love that guy at the end though. Also you really should change that I swear line at the end (as JimmyC said). It took me a couple readings to understand what you were trying to say. [whine] Why can't they just go to the party already, I'm waiting for the drama. [/whine] jk.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Satashi View Post
Spoiler for PornStar!Vivio pt.56:
Woah Ninja'd! That part about waking up together was cute. It's not fun to wake up alone.

Pageclaim for Satashi getting some time!
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Last edited by markesellus; 2008-12-11 at 14:03. Reason: Ninja'd
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Old 2008-12-11, 15:25   Link #11382
Seraph42
Too much Caffine
 
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Satashi View Post
Spoiler for Previously:
Spoiler for PornStar!Vivio pt.56:
Why does the marshmallow part remind of Nanoha eating Yuuno,in S1 dreaming about buns or something

WHOOT!! on a Side Note my Nanoha S1 finally arived!!

*damn it its hard to type on a laptop with a hangover, stupid penny-a-beer night*
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Old 2008-12-11, 15:37   Link #11383
Evangelion Xgouki
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Seraph42 View Post
Why does the marshmallow part remind of Nanoha eating Yuuno,in S1 dreaming about buns or something
I believe it was one of the animations in the middle of an episode where she's dreaming she's eating (what looks like) bakes yams/sweet potatoes.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Seraph42 View Post
WHOOT!! on a Side Note my Nanoha S1 finally arived!!
Yay!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Seraph42 View Post
*damn it its hard to type on a laptop with a hangover, stupid penny-a-beer night*
*chalks up another reason why he does not drink*
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Old 2008-12-11, 16:05   Link #11384
Seraph42
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Evangelion Xgouki View Post
I believe it was one of the animations in the middle of an episode where she's dreaming she's eating (what looks like) bakes yams/sweet potatoes.
Im chalking it up to Like Mother like Daughter


Quote:
Originally Posted by Evangelion Xgouki View Post
Yay!
I know Right


Quote:
Originally Posted by Evangelion Xgouki View Post
*chalks up another reason why he does not drink*
I know but a penny per beer (until someone has to go to the restroom), good night though
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Old 2008-12-11, 16:07   Link #11385
Raging Heart
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Satashi View Post
Spoiler for Previously:
Spoiler for PornStar!Vivio pt.56:
Interesting indeed i wonder how Syn's father will react when he meet Vivio and knows about her job, i can't wait.

well i wonder is Hayate still alive in the story or....? there one more thing, need a little of Vivio's past just to spice up the things a little bit.
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Old 2008-12-11, 16:08   Link #11386
Keroko
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As a non-drinker, I find it extremely amusing to roughly pat people with hangovers on shoulders, and in an extremely cheerful and loud voice ask them "Hangover?" or tell them "It's another beautiful day!"

Sadistic, but so much fun. :3
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Old 2008-12-11, 16:25   Link #11387
Arkeus
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Actually, iirc the nanoha eating yuuno (XD) is in A's. Delicious interlude (it occurs during a middle ep interlude).
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Old 2008-12-11, 17:18   Link #11388
Hiria
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Satashi View Post
Spoiler for Previously:
Spoiler for Pornstar!Vivio pt.55:


Yay Thursday/Friday! I can actually write ^^;
Hayate? that's nice. ^^ I feel bad for Vivio always falling and landing on her butt. still cute, though. ^^

Quote:
Originally Posted by Satashi View Post
Spoiler for Previously:
Spoiler for PornStar!Vivio pt.56:
time to meet Syn's family!!! :]

that is soooo right! waking up alone is not fun at all.
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Old 2008-12-11, 17:54   Link #11389
DezoPenguin
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RadiantBeam View Post
So. Nearly bed, but I finished this and wanted to get it up.

Lutecia/Vivio. Lutecia and Nanoha have a friendly little chat.

Spoiler for Daddy's Little Girl:


Posted it on Fanfiction.net, too: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4708895/1/

Reviews are appreciated. (shameless plug)
Reviewed there.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Satashi View Post
Spoiler for Pornstar!Vivio pt.55:


Yay Thursday/Friday! I can actually write ^^;
Syn: I know the real reason why you work in adult entertainment. You can't walk two steps without ending up flat on your back, anyway!

I like the bit at the end with the guy asking for a picture, too. The part about Vivio using a different name for her mail actually makes sense, and it's good to get some specific guidance to the extent she's been talking about Syn to help work out some of the apparent inconsistencies.

(I'm also glad you referenced the food fight from the end of the last chapter. That was too funny to let drop! I can definitely see it becoming a running gag with Syn: "So I went to visit her at work for the first time, to see how it was really just a job and really no different from any other work, and she came back covered in...")

On the down side, I understand that typos happen (Heaven knows, they happen to me all the time) and that these chapters haven't been subjected to proofreading or beta-review, but typos are becoming a lot more frequent since you first mentioned the laptop; not sure if it's a keyboard thing or if the text editor on it doesn't have spellcheck active (it should be "bizarre" rather than "bizzare," for example) or just a coincidence, but when you tune these chapters up for posting as a "real" fic, just make sure that you pay closer attention to the technical parts. On the other hand, I had no real problem with the "I swear..." part, except that I'm not sure why Vivio blames Syn other than proximity or the distraction factor. I mean, Vi's been falling on her face since she was just out of the cloning tank...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Evangelion Xgouki View Post
I believe it was one of the animations in the middle of an episode where she's dreaming she's eating (what looks like) bakes yams/sweet potatoes.



Yay!



*chalks up another reason why he does not drink*
Quote:
Originally Posted by Keroko View Post
As a non-drinker, I find it extremely amusing to roughly pat people with hangovers on shoulders, and in an extremely cheerful and loud voice ask them "Hangover?" or tell them "It's another beautiful day!"

Sadistic, but so much fun. :3
This may be the first time I can recall being in any environment with two other adult males who also do not drink. I'm used to being the only one.
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Old 2008-12-11, 18:02   Link #11390
RadiantBeam
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DezoPenguin View Post
Reviewed there.
Thank you very much.

@Markesellus: Thank you, too. ^.^
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Old 2008-12-11, 20:52   Link #11391
DezoPenguin
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Possibly in the current atmosphere of violent warfare over typographical errors I should hold my ground on this... Tomorrow I'll get a chance to proof it before posting it at fanfiction.net, but as for now, I'll put it here in draft form for people's hopeful enjoyment:

Spoiler for Mothers and Daughters:
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Old 2008-12-11, 20:55   Link #11392
Evil Rick
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Satashi View Post
Spoiler for Previously:
Spoiler for PornStar!Vivio pt.56:


Conflict is aproaching.... Vita! :3

Quote:
Originally Posted by markesellus View Post
Pageclaim for Satashi getting some time!
Okay, now this claim is interesting
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Old 2008-12-11, 21:30   Link #11393
Seraph42
Too much Caffine
 
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DezoPenguin View Post
Possibly in the current atmosphere of violent warfare over typographical errors I should hold my ground on this... Tomorrow I'll get a chance to proof it before posting it at fanfiction.net, but as for now, I'll put it here in draft form for people's hopeful enjoyment:

Spoiler for Mothers and Daughters:
Nice story
But if your late on Kannazuki no Shimai, someone's going to get an old fashion lynching*glares at RadiantBeam*


just joking, but seriously don't be late or there will be a lynching
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Old 2008-12-11, 22:38   Link #11394
ShiniIllumi
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy C View Post
Tell me something, do you think Satashi would prefer if I didn't point out the error at all?



You sure are arrogant, thinking you know why I post. I read fics because I like them. I pointed out the typo because that's the only problem I saw, at the time. I was wondering if you were going to pick on that.
I could post a review of your fic along with pointing out all the typos, but I couldn't bear to read it after all the errors in the first sentence alone. You proclaimed you couldn't have more than 3 or 4 errors in your whole fic, yet there were 4 6 in the very first sentence of the latest chapter. And number 7 was in the very next sentence.
You are not a good writer and you have no right to critisize those who offer assistance to others.
Not nit-picking... but... ^^; if you're going to correct peoples spelling and grammar, spell everything right yourself. It's criticize, not critisize. ^_~ Not annoyed, just seeing you constantly picking at Satashi's spelling is a little weird, even with simple mistakes.

Either way, it's nice you keep doing it, but it just seems like the only reason you're reading recently is to point the small things out. Please don't take this has a "you're a horrible person" post though, ok?

And yay, more P!Vivio^^ Thanks Satashi. Really making me anxious to see what's going to happen >.<;
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Old 2008-12-11, 22:42   Link #11395
Jimmy C
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oops, I was wondering if I got that wrong.
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Old 2008-12-11, 22:44   Link #11396
Tempy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ShiniIllumi View Post
Not nit-picking... but... ^^; if you're going to correct peoples spelling and grammar, spell everything right yourself. It's criticize, not critisize. ^_~ Not annoyed, just seeing you constantly picking at Satashi's spelling is a little weird, even with simple mistakes.
In his defense, he does it because he cares about the story. Had he not any interest, he wouldn't pick it apart like that. Jimmy also knows that Satashi is receptive of these notes and improves the story, so his words aren't wasted.

Really though, what he does is what I'd expect of a good reader.
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Old 2008-12-11, 22:57   Link #11397
markesellus
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DezoPenguin View Post
Possibly in the current atmosphere of violent warfare over typographical errors I should hold my ground on this... Tomorrow I'll get a chance to proof it before posting it at fanfiction.net, but as for now, I'll put it here in draft form for people's hopeful enjoyment:

Spoiler for Mothers and Daughters:
LOL, you and Radiant are quite the pair sometimes. Haha, loved that line in the beginning about Fate still wearing her shirt.
Woah, Lindy had quite the talk. I really love all the parallels between Nanoha and Fate's relationship with Vivio and Lutecia's. Yup, Nanoha is sooo the dad in the relationship. Over-protective fathers mothers are scary.
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Old 2008-12-11, 23:05   Link #11398
ShiniIllumi
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy C View Post
oops, I was wondering if I got that wrong.
No worries^^; It's probably the responses back to Evil Rick and how you've treated him that made me step in and do that.

And good reader or not, the slight error of hitting keys next to other keys seems a bit much. But, I guess it's just what I think. So no worries, as I said. :3
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Old 2008-12-12, 01:20   Link #11399
itanshi1
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I'm writing a story. So, I am not familiar enough with the military high command structure of Nanoha Strikers. I understand there's this, but there's so much at the top I might have to fill in. I could do general a,b,c or some such. I'm not sure. I'm also not sure about promoting and frankly I find breaking up the team too sudden for the setting not to mention no fun at all.

The other thing is, more immediately, if there was a mage whom specialized in stealth tactics rendering him undetectable, how would the high command act in response to the unknown threat? The mage is more phantom of the opera than anything, so power level is a non issue. That's it for now, thank you.
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Old 2008-12-12, 03:37   Link #11400
Evil Rick
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Quote:
Originally Posted by itanshi1 View Post
I'm writing a story. So, I am not familiar enough with the military high command structure of Nanoha Strikers. I understand there's this, but there's so much at the top I might have to fill in. I could do general a,b,c or some such. I'm not sure. I'm also not sure about promoting and frankly I find breaking up the team too sudden for the setting not to mention no fun at all.

The other thing is, more immediately, if there was a mage whom specialized in stealth tactics rendering him undetectable, how would the high command act in response to the unknown threat? The mage is more phantom of the opera than anything, so power level is a non issue. That's it for now, thank you.
The link seems to be broke, I can acces just a page who says "Forbidden"
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