The Asahina one was nice, and even though I know Mitsuuru isn't wearing the bunny ears anymore, I still got a flash of B.Rabbit when his face darkened.
The Haruhi one... what a major mind-fuck. Need a follow-up to make proper sense out of it.
Kyon is hallucinating. In a half-closed space, which Kyon seems to have figured out what is happening and Haruhi is on the other side (the real world).
Could that person (notice he's a boy) be Haruki? He should be wearing his headphones, but since they're in the other Universe, maybe he resorted to headbands? Was Haruhi really choking?
I love mindfucks. They like, fuck with my mind.
Now where did Mikuru go to? Suddenly disappearing like that, don't make Kyon-kun worry! What does Kyon mean be "He knows" at the end? Is it like 'He knows that we know that he's stalking us'?
Looks like we'll hafta wait for the next scene to figure it out. This IS just a preview...
Damn I can already imagine what this VN is like in anime format. A style like CLANNAD, maybe? Too bad I suck at drawing.
Only another preview today, but it's longer than last time.
Spoiler for "Noon" preview:
Through the Cracks
Haruhi: So, where do you think we should go next?
Kyon: How about home?
Haruhi: No! We're not leaving until we find something mysterious!
Kyon: And how are we supposed to do that!?
We haven't even looked for a damn thing! All you've done all day is drag me around to various stores and bought things that you don't even need! And I still paid for your breakfast!
What's more, Haruhi made me hold all her purchases, stating that “you're a guy, so it's your duty!” Because of this, she's the one in control of the umbrella.
Haruhi: Hmph, if you're going to be like that, you can just soak.
She stalks away, leaving me to be drizzled upon. ...This is about the fifth time now. Still, I caught a glimpse of her smile... she's having fun.
Great.
I manage to catch up to her, which is no easy task given the amount of bags I'm carrying.
Kyon: So where are we going to go?
There's not a lot we can do on a rainy day...
Haruhi: I know, right? The forecast was lying again... I was really looking forward to spending more time in the sun, too. Oh well, let's just go look around some more shops.
You mean you're not done yet?! If this is all we're doing to do, we'll never be going home...
I step forward, and then... it happens.
I passed through something. I didn't know at the time what it was, but it felt like a layer of cold.
Washed.
Vegetables.
And then everything went grey. All movement stopped, living things vanished, and the world turned grey.
Even the raindrops had frozen in place. I reached out and touched one, and it shattered into smaller droplets, which slowly drifted away...
Haruhi: Kyon, what are you doing?
She's still here. Moreover, she's not grey. Haruhi Suzumiya is still in living color.
What's going on?
Haruhi: Honestly...
She locks her free arm around mine and pulls. My face hits several more droplets, and I blink involuntarily.
Haruhi: If you're just gonna stand around in a daze, we're never going to get anywhere. Take life by the horns!
You can't tell me you don't see this, Haruhi. Or are you just in denial? Or is it just me?
The headphones are kilometres away, locked tight in a steel box... there's no way it's their fault this time.
This is something else.
But why can't Haruhi tell that we're in Closed Space?
Haruhi: Hey, hey, look at that dress! Isn't the color awesome?! Hey, don't you think it would look good on me?
There are no colors, Haruhi. Only grey.
Haruhi: Hey, check out that old woman over there. Doesn't she look suspicious? I'm going to go interrogate her.
There's no one there, Haruhi. You're interrogating thin air.
...Am I going nuts? No, of course not. That's not even a possibility. If I were ever going to go nuts, I would have when Ryoko Asakura attacked me nearly half a year ago. ...Of course, that's a possibility too.
Regardless, this is... extremely strange and unnerving. I want to scream, but I can't let Haruhi know that anything's wrong.
Somewhere along the line, I must have slipped through the cracks, somehow... is this your doing?
Haruhi: What? Is there something on my face? Speak up, if that's it! You've gone all quiet.
Kyon: No, it's nothing. Everything's fine.
...Why am I in Closed Space, but she isn't?
On the edge of my peripheral vision, something moves. Reflexively, I jerk my head in that direction.
Haruhi: Kyon...?
Someone is slowly walking towards us, shattering the frozen raindrops as he goes. He's wearing a school uniform, a yellow headband, and a ghoulish smile.
...There's only one person this can be.
I turn to Haruhi to tell her to run, but... I'm knocked aside by some force.
He was all of a sudden right in front of her.
Haruhi: Geez... you're being really, really weird lately, you know that? ...Are you feeling okay?
There's no one there, Haruhi. I'm on the ground, in pain. You're talking to thin air. The only person in front of you... is him.
...He's a lot bigger than I thought he was. He's not just six foot... more like seven... no, eight.
An optical illusion? Or reality?
He clenches his huge fingers around Haruhi's white neck, and lifts her about three feet off the ground.
Haruhi: Really... cough... we had better get you... gcchk... checked out... hcck... sometime...
Get... get off her!
I leap to my feet and try to push him down, but I pass through his form as though he was merely smoke and mirrors.
The choking Haruhi continues to look at me.
Haruhi: Tha... it... you...
She looks concerned, but still happy. What else would she look like? She still believes she's on the other side, searching for the mysterious in clothing stores.
I try to pull her out of his grip, but Haruhi, too, has become only a shadow to my touch.
There's nothing I can do. And so...
Snap. Her neck breaks. Only then does he let her go, still wearing that ghoulish smile. I manage to catch her before she his the ground, but it's far too late.
Anyone with eyes could tell you that she's dead.
But still, she looks at me with that curious expression. And even though her neck is broken and her windpipe crushed, she speaks.
Haruhi: You really do look like you're gonna faint. What's the matter?
“Did you see a corpse?”
This dead body is talking to me.
How mysterious. This is definitely a very mysterious event.
Hey, Haruhi, can I go home now?
Stereotypical Stalking
For the past few hours, Asahina-san and I have been following someone. ...I'm still not sure why, though I have my suspicions.
When we got to the station at about noon, Asahina-san had looked around, clearly spotted something, and then requested that I follow her, as she “had somewhere she wanted to go”.
It wasn't long before I myself noticed who we were following... a boy in what appeared to be a Victorian-era suit.
...I don't normally begrudge people on their choice of clothing, but isn't that just a little odd?
At the time, I had asked Asahina-san what we were even doing, but she only shushed me nervously. Very comforting, Asahina-san.
We followed him all the way around the shopping district, down to the riverbank (where, mercifully, Haruhi was not making her presence known) up through the residential area (we even passed by my house!) and now on the road that leads up to the nearby mountain.
...Does this guy have any sense of purpose?
And so, Asahina-san and I are peeking out from behind a telephone pole, staring at the Victorian boy, who has decided to stop in the middle of the road and stare up at the sky. We look so stereotypical that I'm surprised no one's called the police yet.
By the way, I'm not an idiot. At this point, it's obvious today's outing wasn't Asahina-san's idea at all, but that of her superiors... I'm feeling a little hurt that she had to lie to me, but this is probably more important than my feelings anyway.
The Victorian boy slumps his shoulders. He's clearly depressed about something... oh, look, he's turning around.
Kyon: What do we do, Asahina-san? If he comes any closer, he's going to see us.
Asahina-san has vanished.
Kyon: ...Huh? Where'd she...?
I step out of the shadows to look for her... and find myself right in front of the boy we've been following this whole time.
Kyon: ...
Mitsuuru: ...
Kyon: Uh. Greetings.
His face darkens slightly. He knows.
Sorry about the slowdown.
Excellent work! ^^ The Asahina route has a bit more buildup than the Haruhi route, but I like them both. I wonder about the ramifications of Haruhi being half-killed, so to speak. Does this act deprive her of some or all of her power?
I wonder about the ramifications of Haruhi being half-killed, so to speak. Does this act deprive her of some or all of her power?
It's probably more likely to awaken it. Remember, Haruki's awakened when he was "killed" by the truck and yet was still alive. He merely confirmed it when he resurrected the driver.
Only another preview today, but it's longer than last time.
Spoiler for "Noon" preview:
Through the Cracks
Haruhi: So, where do you think we should go next?
Kyon: How about home?
Haruhi: No! We're not leaving until we find something mysterious!
Kyon: And how are we supposed to do that!?
We haven't even looked for a damn thing! All you've done all day is drag me around to various stores and bought things that you don't even need! And I still paid for your breakfast!
What's more, Haruhi made me hold all her purchases, stating that “you're a guy, so it's your duty!” Because of this, she's the one in control of the umbrella.
Haruhi: Hmph, if you're going to be like that, you can just soak.
She stalks away, leaving me to be drizzled upon. ...This is about the fifth time now. Still, I caught a glimpse of her smile... she's having fun.
Great.
I manage to catch up to her, which is no easy task given the amount of bags I'm carrying.
Kyon: So where are we going to go?
There's not a lot we can do on a rainy day...
Haruhi: I know, right? The forecast was lying again... I was really looking forward to spending more time in the sun, too. Oh well, let's just go look around some more shops.
You mean you're not done yet?! If this is all we're doing to do, we'll never be going home...
I step forward, and then... it happens.
I passed through something. I didn't know at the time what it was, but it felt like a layer of cold.
Washed.
Vegetables.
And then everything went grey. All movement stopped, living things vanished, and the world turned grey.
Even the raindrops had frozen in place. I reached out and touched one, and it shattered into smaller droplets, which slowly drifted away...
Haruhi: Kyon, what are you doing?
She's still here. Moreover, she's not grey. Haruhi Suzumiya is still in living color.
What's going on?
Haruhi: Honestly...
She locks her free arm around mine and pulls. My face hits several more droplets, and I blink involuntarily.
Haruhi: If you're just gonna stand around in a daze, we're never going to get anywhere. Take life by the horns!
You can't tell me you don't see this, Haruhi. Or are you just in denial? Or is it just me?
The headphones are kilometres away, locked tight in a steel box... there's no way it's their fault this time.
This is something else.
But why can't Haruhi tell that we're in Closed Space?
Haruhi: Hey, hey, look at that dress! Isn't the color awesome?! Hey, don't you think it would look good on me?
There are no colors, Haruhi. Only grey.
Haruhi: Hey, check out that old woman over there. Doesn't she look suspicious? I'm going to go interrogate her.
There's no one there, Haruhi. You're interrogating thin air.
...Am I going nuts? No, of course not. That's not even a possibility. If I were ever going to go nuts, I would have when Ryoko Asakura attacked me nearly half a year ago. ...Of course, that's a possibility too.
Regardless, this is... extremely strange and unnerving. I want to scream, but I can't let Haruhi know that anything's wrong.
Somewhere along the line, I must have slipped through the cracks, somehow... is this your doing?
Haruhi: What? Is there something on my face? Speak up, if that's it! You've gone all quiet.
Kyon: No, it's nothing. Everything's fine.
...Why am I in Closed Space, but she isn't?
On the edge of my peripheral vision, something moves. Reflexively, I jerk my head in that direction.
Haruhi: Kyon...?
Someone is slowly walking towards us, shattering the frozen raindrops as he goes. He's wearing a school uniform, a yellow headband, and a ghoulish smile.
...There's only one person this can be.
I turn to Haruhi to tell her to run, but... I'm knocked aside by some force.
He was all of a sudden right in front of her.
Haruhi: Geez... you're being really, really weird lately, you know that? ...Are you feeling okay?
There's no one there, Haruhi. I'm on the ground, in pain. You're talking to thin air. The only person in front of you... is him.
...He's a lot bigger than I thought he was. He's not just six foot... more like seven... no, eight.
An optical illusion? Or reality?
He clenches his huge fingers around Haruhi's white neck, and lifts her about three feet off the ground.
Haruhi: Really... cough... we had better get you... gcchk... checked out... hcck... sometime...
Get... get off her!
I leap to my feet and try to push him down, but I pass through his form as though he was merely smoke and mirrors.
The choking Haruhi continues to look at me.
Haruhi: Tha... it... you...
She looks concerned, but still happy. What else would she look like? She still believes she's on the other side, searching for the mysterious in clothing stores.
I try to pull her out of his grip, but Haruhi, too, has become only a shadow to my touch.
There's nothing I can do. And so...
Snap. Her neck breaks. Only then does he let her go, still wearing that ghoulish smile. I manage to catch her before she his the ground, but it's far too late.
Anyone with eyes could tell you that she's dead.
But still, she looks at me with that curious expression. And even though her neck is broken and her windpipe crushed, she speaks.
Haruhi: You really do look like you're gonna faint. What's the matter?
“Did you see a corpse?”
This dead body is talking to me.
How mysterious. This is definitely a very mysterious event.
Hey, Haruhi, can I go home now?
Stereotypical Stalking
For the past few hours, Asahina-san and I have been following someone. ...I'm still not sure why, though I have my suspicions.
When we got to the station at about noon, Asahina-san had looked around, clearly spotted something, and then requested that I follow her, as she “had somewhere she wanted to go”.
It wasn't long before I myself noticed who we were following... a boy in what appeared to be a Victorian-era suit.
...I don't normally begrudge people on their choice of clothing, but isn't that just a little odd?
At the time, I had asked Asahina-san what we were even doing, but she only shushed me nervously. Very comforting, Asahina-san.
We followed him all the way around the shopping district, down to the riverbank (where, mercifully, Haruhi was not making her presence known) up through the residential area (we even passed by my house!) and now on the road that leads up to the nearby mountain.
...Does this guy have any sense of purpose?
And so, Asahina-san and I are peeking out from behind a telephone pole, staring at the Victorian boy, who has decided to stop in the middle of the road and stare up at the sky. We look so stereotypical that I'm surprised no one's called the police yet.
By the way, I'm not an idiot. At this point, it's obvious today's outing wasn't Asahina-san's idea at all, but that of her superiors... I'm feeling a little hurt that she had to lie to me, but this is probably more important than my feelings anyway.
The Victorian boy slumps his shoulders. He's clearly depressed about something... oh, look, he's turning around.
Kyon: What do we do, Asahina-san? If he comes any closer, he's going to see us.
Asahina-san has vanished.
Kyon: ...Huh? Where'd she...?
I step out of the shadows to look for her... and find myself right in front of the boy we've been following this whole time.
Kyon: ...
Mitsuuru: ...
Kyon: Uh. Greetings.
His face darkens slightly. He knows.
Sorry about the slowdown.
Very good scenes. After such boring mornings, the noon is very intriguing.
Haruhi's one is, oviously, too weird to be fully comprehended. But, don't know if it was your intention, it is not clear if real world!Kyon is acting the same way closed space!Kyon. I would suppose yes, but Haruhi don't seen to find odd he running randomly against the air. In other hand his face seens to be the same in both worlds.
Mikuru's was also very good. It is the end or there will be more. The last line seens to be a good line to finish a scene, but then it would be too shord. Btw, isn't vitoria-era suit what the male goth loli people wear? While don't make it less weird, I guess Kyon might reconise it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by s07195
Was Haruhi really choking?
Unlikely. SHe replied after her 'death', so I assume Kyon just imagined all of it (as well as the sound of her being choked)
Quote:
Originally Posted by s07195
Now where did Mikuru go to? Suddenly disappearing like that, don't make Kyon-kun worry! What does Kyon mean be "He knows" at the end? Is it like 'He knows that we know that he's stalking us'?
I believe it is just that Kyon noticed Mitsuuru had noticed the stalking. Mitsuuru, most likely, didn't turn around and goes to Kyon by change, he noticed he was beinf followed. Now I think on it, Has Mitsuuru alreadly seen male!Kyonko and female!him yet? Does he knows who Kyon is?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aebliss
I wonder about the ramifications of Haruhi being half-killed, so to speak. Does this act deprive her of some or all of her power?
I wouldn't say to quickly she was 'half-killed'. We don't know yet how much of it was real.
I kind of get the feeling that gothlolis (or any kind of alternative fashion) aren't a common sight in Nishinomiya.
I wasn't saying it was. As I said, it don't make even a bit less weird. I just fell that Kyon might have reconise the style and make a comment. Just a small suggestion.
I agree with that. I am starting to miss her already. I also would like a scene with Kyon from her perspective, but I don't think it is going to happen.
Order of narrative importance: Kyon, Kyonko, third-person narrator.
If a scene prominently features Kyon, he narrates. If a scene features Kyonko but not Kyon, or if it features both but Kyon is just "there," she narrates. If neither is present, we get a third-person narrator.
The only exceptions to this are the Flashes in Space scenes, but that should be obvious.
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But what's true for one is true for the other, so technically they're both on the same narrative importance level right?
But meh, whatever. So long as there is one scene in her perspective I'm fine with it.
Spoiler for September the Seventh, Day 6, Memories: Flashes in Space (Sign):
Flashes in Space- (Logo)
Aha ha ha. Hahahahahaha.
It's done. Finally done. I have worked for the past 14 hours, and finally... it is done.
My majestic SOS Brigade Emblem! Our logo of magic and might! I have, at last, completed it.
Now, if only I can figure out how to upload this to our website, I can finally zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
My forehead hit the desk, and I started snoring. It appeared as though I had fallen asleep.
Damn!
FLASH
My glorious SOS Brigade charged forth onto the field of battle, slaying foul demons left and right. It was truly a day of triumph.
Koizumi-san was to my left, wielding a large battleaxe. She turned to me, smiled, and said:
“Suzumiya-san, it's time to wake up.”
I woke up.
“Buh!” was the noise that came out of my mouth as I jerked my head up reflexively. It's very bright... what time is it?
“Ah, it would nearly be time for class, Suzumiya-san. You have an exam in ten minutes.”
Koizumi-san was also in the clubroom, standing next to me. So she was the one to wake me up, eh?
As I stand up, a wool blanket falls from my shoulders. ...What time did she get here, exactly?
“About an hour ago, Suzumiya-san.” Koizumi-san's brilliant smile reflects the morning sunlight.
“You are diligent, aren't you?” She really doesn't need to be. “At this rate, you'll probably make Vice Commander.”
Koizumi-san chuckles. “Fufu, you flatter me, Suzumiya-san. But may I ask what you were doing here all night?”
Heh. I thumbed my nose. “The same thing I do every night. Make history.”
FLASH
The exam was easy, so I aced it in less than an hour, using the remaining time to both catch up on sleep and ogle the back of Kyon's head. Aaaah, now this is relaxing.
This kind of pattern was one that had continued throughout the entire exam week. Life is good.
Kyon, however, has been fretting about her marks the entire time... should I help her study...?
Naaaaaaaah. She's cute when she frets. Or showing any kind of expression really. In fact, her very existence is cute. ...I have a new theory! Kyon is not, in fact, a human being! She is the physical embodiment of the concept of “cute”.
...Where was I? I'm sorry, I get distracted easily.
Right. I think Kyon needs some excitement in her life. And, plus, I need to upload my Emblem to the website and I'm too lazy to learn how. So, during lunch hour...
I found Kyon in the classroom, sighing to herself and pulling a textbook out of her bag. I ignored this and threw her over my shoulder without a word.
“Not this agaaiiiiiiin!” Is what she cried the whole way to the clubroom. Once there, I set her down in the commander's chair and pointed at the Emblem on the screen.
“Fix it.” I said unhelpfully.
Kyon stared at it for a few minutes, then clutched her head in pain. “What is it?”
“Can't you tell? It's an Emblem, Emblem!” It's also my masterpiece.
“...Emblem?”
“Yes,” I hoped that I sounded convincing. “Emblem. So yeah, put it in on the SOS Brigade's top page.” We need to attract more visitors and since you prevented me from putting up my sexy~ pictures, this is our only option.
Kyon sighs again. Do you know how annoying it is when all someone does is sigh? “Exactly what about this makes you think that it will attract any attention?”
“What!? Can you not see? Can you not see how manly it is?”
“How can anyone consider this manly!? It's a riot of shape and color! It's an insult to art! I'm not putting this up on the website, it'll embarrass us more than you already have!”
“Pshaw!” I shook my head. “Women can never truly understand. Hey, if you do it I'll make Mitsuuru-kun wear the maid outfit again, to suit your depraved tastes.” Actually, my depraved tastes, but I get a kick out of blaming other people for my own shortcomings. In other words, I am offering Kyon a reward that's actually intended for myself.
I didn't expect her to accept, but she actually blushed a little, mumbled something and started to work. ...Does she actually have a fetish for that kind of thing? Or is it just because he look so gosh-darned adorable in it?
Hmm, I'll have to perform a scientific analysis on the subject. Perhaps... I could put Kyon in a maid uniform, and see how she reacts! Yes, that's an excellent idea. I will do it for science.
Hahaha, I'm such a genius. Three cheers for me.
“Are you alright in the head, Haruki? Your expression looks... distant...”
I'll make you serve me!
FLASH
Unacceptable! That's what this is, I mean.
When I entered the clubroom after our last exam a few days later, the only person there was Yuuki... well, that's to be expected. So, I thought, 'why not check the hits counter on the website to see if it's gone up at all?' It was then that, to my surprise, I had discovered that our beautiful front page had been... corrupted!
Is this cyber-terrorism!? Have we been hacked?!
“I doubt it,” said Kyon, who had been trying to fix the site (at my demand) to no avail. “Who would want to hack a site like this?”
I ignored her. “If I find out who did this, they'll be hanged! I'll hang them!” No, wait, hanging is too good for them. Maybe I should throw them off a cliff into a pit of crocodiles made of lye.
Someone knocked on the door, and entered. 'Twas Koizumi-san.
“Ah, an unusual occurrence today. Asahina-san not here yet?”
No, and I was going to make him wear his dress again today, too... it seems like it's going to be disappointing all-round.
FLASH
“Nooooooooooooo! Leave me alooooone!” That was Mitsuuru-kun, in the midst of trying to run away.
“Wahahahahaha!” This was me, broraping him. “Take your punishment! This is your punishment for not meeting your manly quota for the month! You have to wear this delightful thing again!” And this specially prepared wig, too.
Oh dear god, my poor heart. With that wig on, and those tears, he looks exactly like a very, very, very adorable girl. Hnnng... can't... hold... self... back... much... longer....... urge... to... do... unspeakable things... rising...
“Suzumiya-san, what's with that look in your eyes? Suzumiya-san...?”
Another knock at the door. One part of me feels annoyed at being interrupted. The other part of me feels thankful, because I would have committed a serious crime otherwise.
It was just the girls, anyway.
They stood there in awkward silence for a few moments.
“What are you waiting for?” I said. “Get inside!”
Kyon looked slightly uncomfortable. “Well, it's just that...”
If it's the wig, I don't see why you're complaining. It only make him look cuter! I mean better! Apparently, however, it's some other issue entirely.
Koizumi-san spoke up. “Suzumiya-san, it would appear as though we have a client.”
...Client?
FLASH
Ah, right, I forgot all about it.
Kyon, for once, had taken some initiative and put up posters detailing the purpose of our club; unfortunately for the SOS Brigade, what she had put up was not its actual mission.
Kyon's posters detailed a club that was devoted to “solving people's problems” or some crap like that. I hadn't cared too much since I knew we were infamous enough that no one would actually take the posters seriously, but it seems like one person was stupid or ignorant enough to.
This guy seems to be leaning on the 'stupid' side... if I had to describe him in a single word, he'd be “generic”. Generic looks, generic personality, generic expressions... the only thing that isn't generic about him is his name, “Emori Kimidori”.
...It's probably fake. His name is probably something generic like “Tarou Tanaka”. Please tell the truth to the Chief or the SOS Brigade won't be able to help you.
At the moment, Kimidori-kun here is engaged in generic despair.
“So, you say you want to help us look for your missing girlfriend?”
Well, even if the guy himself is boring, he's brought us what might turn out to be an adventure. I guess I should be grateful, heh heh.
As Kyon muttered to herself about something, I began to question poor lonely Kimidori-kun.
“So, what makes ya think she's missing?”
He continued to stare at his teacup. “She hasn't been at school for a few days now... even though she's never missed a day up till now, she didn't even come in for her tests... it's strange.”
Yes, yes, very strange. “Tried calling or texting her?”
“Yeah, of course.” He answers quickly. “She isn't answering, and I went to her apartment, but it was locked.”
Oh, this IS getting good. It sounds like we have a real mystery on our hands, gang.
“What about the family?”
“They're not around... I think they moved to another country...” Kimidori-kun just kept staring into his teacup. Look up, boy.
“Could they have moved to Canada by any chance?” I asked. When in doubt, always guess Canada.
“Eh... no, I heard it was the Honduras, I think.”
“Oh? That's near Canada, right?”
Behind Kimidori-kun, Kyon sighed.
“Look,” the generic boy said, “She might not even be in her room. Even late at night, the lights are never on. I'm worried.”
Yeah, yeah, that's great and all. I'm glad love can blossom and stuff. Moreover, just to clarify here, why did you come here of all places? Even I know we're not the sort of people you ask to find missing girlfriends.
“Well, she often mentioned your club's name... er, I suppose by 'mentioned', I mean 'ranted about'...”
“Eh? So she's heard of me, then. What was her name again?”
The name doesn't ring a bell at all, but Kyon seems to have some idea.
“She's the president of the Computer Society next door.”
I'm sorry, that doesn't ring a bell either, but Kyon definitely seems to have an idea, judging by the sudden look of horror on her face... wait, that was the pervert girl that tried to molest Mitsuuru-kun! I remember now! I saved him from being gang-raped by her minions and liberated one of their computers in the process. I'm such a hero. Good times.
“Okay, sure, we'll do it.” It'll be interesting to see her reaction when I show up at her house, heh heh. “You're certainly lucky though, Kimidori-kun. Since you're our first client, we won't charge you for our services.”
What, Kyon, don't give me that look. We don't do things for free around here. Besides, look at Kimidori-kun. He's finally lightened up a bit.
“Really?” he asks, drinking his teacup for the first time “You'll do it? Thank you so much! I feel a lot better now that I know you'll take care of it.”
...You really have that much faith in us? I mean, sure, I don't think there's really anything to worry about, but you do realize that I'm just doing this for my own amusement, right? It's obvious, right? Right?
Tch, I feel horrible now that I've put this person's trust in me. I think I'll ruin his day.
“Hey, Kimidori-kun?” I said. “You know that cute maid over there that you made eyes at when you came in?” I didn't actually see him do that, but everyone makes eyes at Mitsuuru-kun. It's customary. “That's actually a guy.”
Kimidori-kun spat lukewarm tea all over the table.
FLASH
So I figure she's just turned into a shut-in, right? Or maybe it's some kind of late-blooming May Sickness. In any case, I'm sure when we barge into her apartment, we'll just find her naked and surrounded with gay porn. It'll be very embarrassing, her boyfriend will be happy (or not, considering) and they'll be loads of publicity for us. People will be lining up at the door for us to solve their problems, and one day one of them will be an alien.
Anyway, we're now in front of the Computer Society President's apartment, and I'm rattling on the doorknob.
“Tch, it's not opening... maybe we should go around back and smash the glass?”
Kyon puts her hand up. “I have no desire for a criminal record at this stage in my life.”
Good point. I'll use the patented Ryou Asakura Investigation trick on the building manager, then.
As I turn around, however...
Ka-chick. Yuuki is gripping the doorknob... of the now-open door.
“...Nice trick, Yuuki.” I'm pretty amazed, but I guess I must not have been rattling hard enough. “Okay, let's investigate~.”
Maybe I should cover Mitsuuru-kun's eyes, since she'll be naked and probably doing other things... maybe I should cover my eyes too, on account of all that gay porn.
However... not only was there no gay porn, but there was no Computer Society President, either. She was nowhere to be found.
I don't remember much of the investigation, because I was bored, but I did find expired food in the fridge that I force-fed Mitsuuru-kun with while the other three conversed about something unimporant.
After raiding the rest of the place for spare change, I decided that we should call it a day. If she's not in her home, she has to be somewhere else, which means she isn't just a shut-in... maybe she just took a vacation and didn't tell poor hapless Emori Kimidori-kun. In any case, I'm sure it'll work itself out.
FLASH
It worked itself out, since she had apparently returned to school the next day. Even my Emblem had been restored, thanks to, as Kyon told me, Yuuki's efforts. I had no idea he was so good with compuers, but I should have guessed, I guess.
What's more, my emblem worked! The access counter had skyrocketed! It appears as though my theory of marketing was accurate: Create something completely meaningless and the public will eat it up.
I stood on my chair, ready to declare my latest decree.
“Everyone! Please listen!” All eyes were on me, except Kyon's, which were covered by the back of her twitching hand.
And I made all of them cheer for me.
Haruki really doesn't do much in this story... I'm grateful I don't have to do a version of Vol. 7 like this, heh.
Truthfully, Haruki is a really scary person. His thoughts are filled with narcissism and possessiveness that wouldn't be out of place in a stalker criminal profile. But I'd be even more scared to see Haruhi's feminine megalomania in a similar fashion. But since she's on the surface a tsundere, it's out of sight, out of mind.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kaisos Erranon
Only another preview today, but it's longer than last time.
Spoiler for "Noon" preview:
Through the Cracks
Haruhi: So, where do you think we should go next?
Kyon: How about home?
Haruhi: No! We're not leaving until we find something mysterious!
Kyon: And how are we supposed to do that!?
We haven't even looked for a damn thing! All you've done all day is drag me around to various stores and bought things that you don't even need! And I still paid for your breakfast!
What's more, Haruhi made me hold all her purchases, stating that “you're a guy, so it's your duty!” Because of this, she's the one in control of the umbrella.
Haruhi: Hmph, if you're going to be like that, you can just soak.
She stalks away, leaving me to be drizzled upon. ...This is about the fifth time now. Still, I caught a glimpse of her smile... she's having fun.
Great.
I manage to catch up to her, which is no easy task given the amount of bags I'm carrying.
Kyon: So where are we going to go?
There's not a lot we can do on a rainy day...
Haruhi: I know, right? The forecast was lying again... I was really looking forward to spending more time in the sun, too. Oh well, let's just go look around some more shops.
You mean you're not done yet?! If this is all we're doing to do, we'll never be going home...
I step forward, and then... it happens.
I passed through something. I didn't know at the time what it was, but it felt like a layer of cold.
Washed.
Vegetables.
And then everything went grey. All movement stopped, living things vanished, and the world turned grey.
Even the raindrops had frozen in place. I reached out and touched one, and it shattered into smaller droplets, which slowly drifted away...
Haruhi: Kyon, what are you doing?
She's still here. Moreover, she's not grey. Haruhi Suzumiya is still in living color.
What's going on?
Haruhi: Honestly...
She locks her free arm around mine and pulls. My face hits several more droplets, and I blink involuntarily.
Haruhi: If you're just gonna stand around in a daze, we're never going to get anywhere. Take life by the horns!
You can't tell me you don't see this, Haruhi. Or are you just in denial? Or is it just me?
The headphones are kilometres away, locked tight in a steel box... there's no way it's their fault this time.
This is something else.
But why can't Haruhi tell that we're in Closed Space?
Haruhi: Hey, hey, look at that dress! Isn't the color awesome?! Hey, don't you think it would look good on me?
There are no colors, Haruhi. Only grey.
Haruhi: Hey, check out that old woman over there. Doesn't she look suspicious? I'm going to go interrogate her.
There's no one there, Haruhi. You're interrogating thin air.
...Am I going nuts? No, of course not. That's not even a possibility. If I were ever going to go nuts, I would have when Ryoko Asakura attacked me nearly half a year ago. ...Of course, that's a possibility too.
Regardless, this is... extremely strange and unnerving. I want to scream, but I can't let Haruhi know that anything's wrong.
Somewhere along the line, I must have slipped through the cracks, somehow... is this your doing?
Haruhi: What? Is there something on my face? Speak up, if that's it! You've gone all quiet.
Kyon: No, it's nothing. Everything's fine.
...Why am I in Closed Space, but she isn't?
On the edge of my peripheral vision, something moves. Reflexively, I jerk my head in that direction.
Haruhi: Kyon...?
Someone is slowly walking towards us, shattering the frozen raindrops as he goes. He's wearing a school uniform, a yellow headband, and a ghoulish smile.
...There's only one person this can be.
I turn to Haruhi to tell her to run, but... I'm knocked aside by some force.
He was all of a sudden right in front of her.
Haruhi: Geez... you're being really, really weird lately, you know that? ...Are you feeling okay?
There's no one there, Haruhi. I'm on the ground, in pain. You're talking to thin air. The only person in front of you... is him.
...He's a lot bigger than I thought he was. He's not just six foot... more like seven... no, eight.
An optical illusion? Or reality?
He clenches his huge fingers around Haruhi's white neck, and lifts her about three feet off the ground.
Haruhi: Really... cough... we had better get you... gcchk... checked out... hcck... sometime...
Get... get off her!
I leap to my feet and try to push him down, but I pass through his form as though he was merely smoke and mirrors.
The choking Haruhi continues to look at me.
Haruhi: Tha... it... you...
She looks concerned, but still happy. What else would she look like? She still believes she's on the other side, searching for the mysterious in clothing stores.
I try to pull her out of his grip, but Haruhi, too, has become only a shadow to my touch.
There's nothing I can do. And so...
Snap. Her neck breaks. Only then does he let her go, still wearing that ghoulish smile. I manage to catch her before she his the ground, but it's far too late.
Anyone with eyes could tell you that she's dead.
But still, she looks at me with that curious expression. And even though her neck is broken and her windpipe crushed, she speaks.
Haruhi: You really do look like you're gonna faint. What's the matter?
“Did you see a corpse?”
This dead body is talking to me.
How mysterious. This is definitely a very mysterious event.
Hey, Haruhi, can I go home now?
Stereotypical Stalking
For the past few hours, Asahina-san and I have been following someone. ...I'm still not sure why, though I have my suspicions.
When we got to the station at about noon, Asahina-san had looked around, clearly spotted something, and then requested that I follow her, as she “had somewhere she wanted to go”.
It wasn't long before I myself noticed who we were following... a boy in what appeared to be a Victorian-era suit.
...I don't normally begrudge people on their choice of clothing, but isn't that just a little odd?
At the time, I had asked Asahina-san what we were even doing, but she only shushed me nervously. Very comforting, Asahina-san.
We followed him all the way around the shopping district, down to the riverbank (where, mercifully, Haruhi was not making her presence known) up through the residential area (we even passed by my house!) and now on the road that leads up to the nearby mountain.
...Does this guy have any sense of purpose?
And so, Asahina-san and I are peeking out from behind a telephone pole, staring at the Victorian boy, who has decided to stop in the middle of the road and stare up at the sky. We look so stereotypical that I'm surprised no one's called the police yet.
By the way, I'm not an idiot. At this point, it's obvious today's outing wasn't Asahina-san's idea at all, but that of her superiors... I'm feeling a little hurt that she had to lie to me, but this is probably more important than my feelings anyway.
The Victorian boy slumps his shoulders. He's clearly depressed about something... oh, look, he's turning around.
Kyon: What do we do, Asahina-san? If he comes any closer, he's going to see us.
Asahina-san has vanished.
Kyon: ...Huh? Where'd she...?
I step out of the shadows to look for her... and find myself right in front of the boy we've been following this whole time.
Kyon: ...
Mitsuuru: ...
Kyon: Uh. Greetings.
His face darkens slightly. He knows.
Sorry about the slowdown.
Well, this stuff is good. As pointed out, you could be more graphic in describing Mitsuuru's clothes. Victorian-era clothes for men is just plain formal these days, not particularly weird. Unless they've got the high collars, vest and coat in summer, and a top hat. Also, maybe Victorian could be switched to Meiji for full weabooness.
As pointed out, you could be more graphic in describing Mitsuuru's clothes.
I did that already. There was an entire scene about it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by otai
Victorian-era clothes for men is just plain formal these days, not particularly weird.
...? How many people do you see walking about in suits like that who aren't at weddings? Furthermore, keep in mind that this is Nishinomiya, not Shibuya. It's in the Kansai region, where people are not particularly known for being at the height of fashion.
It's definitely not a common sight, although it isn't that strange. What's less common is a young boy dressed in that getup...
Quote:
Originally Posted by otai
Also, maybe Victorian could be switched to Meiji for full weabooness.
This is an English-language VN... I try to use as little Japanese as possible.
I did that already. There was an entire scene about it.
...? How many people do you see walking about in suits like that who aren't at weddings? Furthermore, keep in mind that this is Nishinomiya, not Shibuya. It's in the Kansai region, where people are not particularly known for being at the height of fashion.
It's definitely not a common sight, although it isn't that strange. What's less common is a young boy dressed in that getup...
Victorian is just too generic of a term; unless there's definitely somehing that's out of fashion implied, it would be more reasonable for a person would think "Is there a formal being held nearby?" rather than "That's Victorian cosplay." Hence, it might be good to describe details that are definitely not in fashion; e.g. top hats, coat tails, pocketwatch, riding breeches, cravat, the high collar, or noticeably warm clothing during summer. These are example of particularly out of fashion clothing, unless you're fabulous.
Edit: On second thought, jovi could easily draw it instead. Never mind, carry on.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kaisos Erranon
This is an English-language VN... I try to use as little Japanese as possible.
I understand why you wouldn't want to, really. But it has to be pointed out that a Japanese character might be more likely to reference his own history. Any Japanese oils easily tell you how many years in the Heisei era they are.
This is an English-language VN... I try to use as little Japanese as possible.
This isn't really 'japanese'. Well, while most people wouldn't reconise the name 'meiji', I believe most anime-fan would reconise the clothes (it is a visual novel, after all). Even non-anime fan can tell it is an 'old japanese outfist'. I doubt it would be a problem, at most someone would lear that 'meiji era' existed in japan (tough he might think it was 200+ years ago ).
Not that I support the change, btw. I really like the Victoria era stuff, and it somehow fit Mitsuuru more then Meiji Era. Also, Victoria era suit is not just a formal suit, it can be a lot more weird then that.
PP:
Quote:
Originally Posted by otai
I understand why you wouldn't want to, really. But it has to be pointed out that a Japanese character might be more likely to reference his own history. Any Japanese oils easily tell you how many years in the Heisei era they are.
I agree with that point. Not for Mitsuuru clothes, but in general. Not particularly important, tough. As long it don't sound they are living in Canada it is fine.
Related to it, however, I will question why they don't use the metric sistem. I don't care if it is english VN, more people in the world can understand that. Btw, haven't Canada adopted metric system already? At last is what Wikipedia tells me. It is not particularly importatnt, but it has bugging me for a time now.
Well, most of time Nagato does anything there is few to no special effects, so I will suggest she just, staring the headphones for a while in the begining (with Kyon imagining if she doing anything at all). Since the headphones are likelly to fight back somehow I would say Nagato stal idle, or mostly idle (like in the fight with Asakura) for most of time, msotly just moving her mouth to her chanting.
To sum up, I suggest any flashy move to come from the other party, not from Nagato.
Okay, here's what you should do. She should be wearing a tinfoil hat, blue and purple parachute pants, a bright red vest with large yellow wings attached to the back and an inner tube with a green duck head around her waist. No exceptions, it has to be green.
She should be standing on just her left leg, balancing two basketballs in her right hand, waving her left arm in an 8 pattern and have a five pound weight strapped to her elevated right foot.
While she's doing this, an instrumental, backwards version of Hooked on a Feeling (or as close to it as we can legally get away with) as played on panpipes should be in the background. It has nothing to do with what she's doing, it should just be playing in the background. I don't know why.
The following statement should be said at least once, backwards, in German (Because the Japanese seem to love German): "I am the Mushroom Queen; all hail the turnip."
This next part is absolutely, positively non-negotiable: She must have an ostrich wearing an over-sized pair of heart-shaped sunglasses and a white feather boa in the room. I have no idea where she would obtain such a thing, but she must have it.
In addition, Kyon should be required to wear a pink t-shirt with "BAD MAN" written across the front and sitting in the lotus position. No reason, I just find it funny.
As for the ceremony itself, I really don't care what you do.
... Okay, so I'm just joking around. I really don't expect you to do any of this.
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Okay, here's what you should do. She should be wearing a tinfoil hat, blue and purple parachute pants, a bright red vest with large yellow wings attached to the back and an inner tube with a green duck head around her waist. No exceptions, it has to be green.
As wacky as this sounds, it gave me an idea. Perhaps after Kyon sits down, she pulls out something (pillow, figure, balloon, something) with the shape and color of Kimidori-san from Haruhi-chan. Of course, Kyon looks at it with bewilderment and asks what it is. Yuki says in her standard monotone, "Medium."
Just wanted to say that I've been listening to the Disappearance Movie OST recently, and there are a lot of awesome tracks that would fit well in the VN.
Well, this stuff is good. As pointed out, you could be more graphic in describing Mitsuuru's clothes. Victorian-era clothes for men is just plain formal these days, not particularly weird. Unless they've got the high collars, vest and coat in summer, and a top hat. Also, maybe Victorian could be switched to Meiji for full weabooness.
I think that anything worn by the Third Doctor would qualify as "Victorian."
2010-02-20, 23:06
As I said, it don't make even a bit less weird. I just fell that Kyon might have reconise the style and make a comment. Just a small suggestion.
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