Dating

[Shiemi]

Originally Posted by Cz

If someone has spent lots of money on the figures/dolls, Yoropa's method would definitely be better than destroying their value by super-glue'ing clothes. XD

I have to admit that the glued clothes makes sense, still, if the guy does not want to sell. Having from experience how my daughters enjoy leaving their barbies and other dolls naked everywhere, which drives me insane, it would be scary to see those kinds of dolls with very... err... defined bodies lying naked around too.

[Haruka_Kitten]

(for those keeping up to date with my situation)

I had a talk with him, and we have agreed to see other people.

The problem had arisen where when we first started going out that we knew only s much about each other. As time went by, we discovered things about each other that we didn't really like. In particular, my moodiness, my anger management issue and the fact I dearly wanted to play uke were things he didn't like.

I am happy that we had the chat and told each other what we knew. At least we are better off, no broken hearts, nobody jaded, no revenge sought. As a result, we are still friends (and will continue to push to have me dressed with paws and a tail )

I guess this also has its drawbacks. In particular, now I have to break the bad news to everyone who may ask, and now I haven't got that special someone to fall back on, in a time of crisis such as now (where I am on the brink of emotional instability).

Still, gives me time to reflect and think, we only learn from our mistakes.

So...any takers for a pet kitten? I don't scratch ^^

[Kafriel]

I'd say you're drowning in a tea cup, if you think it over this wasn't a very long relationship, and you're still good friends anyway. Plus, now you have the freedom to seek out other people and you got out of a silent time bomb, this is pure win! So why the emotional crisis?

[Haruka_Kitten]

Originally Posted by Kafriel

I'd say you're drowning in a tea cup, if you think it over this wasn't a very long relationship, and you're still good friends anyway. Plus, now you have the freedom to seek out other people and you got out of a silent time bomb, this is pure win! So why the emotional crisis?

The emotional instability has been something of me that I have held for years. Only now, after what happened recently do I feel it hard. It has nothing to do with him or the relationship, only my own familial matters.

[StudioJC]

I never dated in my life.

It's quite sad really.

[Kafriel]

It has nothing to do with him or the relationship, only my own familial matters.

Then you're doing well, compared to your previous state...or is it that your emotional condition has deteriorated over time and is now actually worse than before?

I never dated in my life.

It's quite sad really.

Not sad at all unless you're over 29. Until then you got a bunch of other things to do besides dating!

[Haruka_Kitten]

Originally Posted by Kafriel

Then you're doing well, compared to your previous state...or is it that your emotional condition has deteriorated over time and is now actually worse than before?

The latter X_x, sadly. I left my home in the secure suburbs where I used to live and went to live with my dad in a rather...well....to put it nicely, a dump. Additionally, I haven't got much of my stuff (and I probably won't have it anytime soon), and mum continues to taunt and threaten me over the phone.

[greedyisgood]

How would you know If a guy/girl is just after for physical love(sex, looks, money) rather than emotional love (true love)?

[Tsuyoshi]

Originally Posted by greedyisgood

How would you know If a guy/girl is just after for physical love(sex, looks, money) rather than emotional love (true love)?

It's pretty easy to tell just by the way they behave around you. If she's very easy to talk with about anything and she relates to what you say, then chances are that she's interested in you as a person rather than what you are on the surface. Girls who often just care for sex, looks and money don't really want to talk, they just want to have fun.

[Throne Invader]

Originally Posted by greedyisgood

How would you know If a guy/girl is just after for physical love(sex, looks, money) rather than emotional love (true love)?

Some people are really really good in masking up what they're really after so you can't usually tell what they're really after til you're involved. You could always look up the background of the person. Anyways don't give yourself up completely to a person cause you never know what the future holds and what that person is really after. You could still get to know that person really well but it's not completely guaranteed that the guy/girl is really after true love. You could tell some obvious signs of course like if the person is pressuring you to do activities you don't like. There's always a sort of a little gambling everytime you go into a relationship.

[SaintessHeart]

Sorry, but I only take in CATGIRLS.

[Tsuyoshi]

It depends on what you wanna get out of dating. Are you looking for someone to have a short-term relationship, or a long-term one? Are you dating that person because she's only good for a fling or something more solid? (they are not the same questions if you read carefully, one considers dating as a whole, the other considers a girl individually). You have to ask yourself those questions when you meet a girl and consider if she's dating material or not.

[RadiantBeam]

Originally Posted by Arbitres

Picking on Saintess was only a byproduct. Now then...

Liar. We all know that's your favorite hobby and pastime.

Do you think being open-minded is necessary/a good thing/exceptional for dating? Having preferences is important, along with standards and so forth. But what do you have to say to back that argument?

I think being open-minded, without sacrificing your standards in the process, is a good rule of thumb to live by when you're in the dating game. For one thing, I definitely think it takes a certain amount of open-mindedness to even be interested in someone online!

But, for example, my ex-girlfriend. I'm very calm, rational, and I tend to keep my emotions in check and I have something of a control streak. She was spontaneous, very open emotionally, and just let the wind blow. Our personalities clashed, but I liked her a lot, so I wanted to try. Granted, it didn't end well, but it was still an attempt.

So, being open-minded isn't a bad thing at all. Just be willing to learn from your mistakes.

Shower me with your advice. Or shower me with gifts, whichever you want to do.

*hurls Black Lagoon manga volumes at you*

On my end of the spectrum, the cat is officially out of the bag. My mom actually told my dad about the boy I like, and yesterday while I was talking to him, my sister also found out as she came to check on me because she thought I was talking to the TV in my room. Both my mom and my sister think he's cute and has a great voice, and while my dad is a bit more reserved, he hasn't come out and said no.

[RadiantBeam]

Originally Posted by Arbitres

I'm looking for a long term relationship, I know it will be difficult but I don't mind. I've yet to date anyone recently, which is why I'm asking. I'm not questioning my abilities as much as my high standards. As they have come into question at one point or another.

Just curious, and don't mind me if I'm stepping over a boundary line here or something, but what's your definition of a "long term relationship"? Someone you date with the intention of marrying them, or someone you know you can be with for a year or more?

I'm actually a really bad liar. Nevertheless, call me Rai =0

Was that "Call me Rai" or "Call me, Rai"?

Advice and gifts! Oh lucky day!... x.o okay you can stop hurling them now.

Suck it up, they aren't even that heavy! *hurls last volume at you*

[Kaijo]

Originally Posted by Arbitres

Just as Takeo said, it's relatively easy. But watch out for manipulation. A girl could know you are head over hills, and get you to do anything you want for them. Manipulative paramours and partners tend to cut ties after they got what they wanted, and so forth.

Echoing this, to answer the earlier question. Women are generally more manipulative, while men are generally in it for the physical. Both will cut ties after they get what they want, or they find something "better." Sometimes it is hard to tell, although there are warning signs; for instance, if they have a history of doing it. But as we're human, we can still try to rationalize it away in our heads.

But yeah, once they cut you off, then you know they were just in it for themselves. Real friends/lovers/partners won't leave or forsake you; especially after they've seen the bad side of you (and everyone has a bad side).

So how to tell a good one? They've never left anyone, and always want to work things out. They'll be honest with you throughout the process. They could have have had relationships that ended, but they'll keep trying to be friends at least. Even if that means telling you things you don't want to hear, heh.

However, since most people are still growing throughout their twenties, the likelihood of finding a good one raises as you age, although it's not impossible to find someone earlier in life. Just unlikely.

Originally Posted by Arbitres

Do you think being open-minded is necessary/a good thing/exceptional for dating? Having preferences is important, along with standards and so forth. But what do you have to say to back that argument?

Being open-minded is always a good thing. The thing is, we'd always like people to be open-minded with regards to us, so we have to do it for other people. And finding a good friend/partner can happen in the most unlikeliest places sometimes, which you'll overlook or not consider because you're only thinking about a small set of what you want. For women, it's the spark and for men it's physical looks; both things hold us back.

I know at least one friend of mine said the guy she was with, she never would have considered when she was younger; and now she loves him a lot.

Standards are fine, but don't try to stick to them rigidly. Use your judgment, run prospective partners by trusted friends and family to get their opinion, and you won't go in blind. And ultimately, you won't know until you actually date.

[Shiemi]

Originally Posted by Arbitres

Ahh, well then. Allow me to be more specific (I'll try, really.)


I'm looking for a long term relationship, I know it will be difficult but I don't mind. I've yet to date anyone recently, which is why I'm asking. I'm not questioning my abilities as much as my high standards. As they have come into question at one point or another.


I won't sacrifice my standards for open-mindedness without solid evidence there is no other way. Even then I will probably try to salvage them and apply them in some fashion. Though yes I guess I can remain open-minded and keeping my standards.

Sacrificing standards is definitely a no-no and can cause problems. For example, I have a friend who doesn't like smokers one bit. When she started dating her boyfriend, he was an ex-smoker. Somewhere along the run and after even living together, he started smoking again. She gave him an ultimatum: "You have till November to stop smoking. Otherwise, we're over." She knows she cannot handle it and being someone who has no smoking as a standard, she knows she won't be able to tolerate it in the long run.

I think that in dating you need tolerance, but not lowering certain standards. If you are going out with a heavy drinker who gets wasted a lot, chances are that after you get married, the person will remain a heavy drinker who gets wasted a lot. What you see is most of the time what you get and it's better to know if your partner has things you can tolerate or not. My ex, for example, left his dirty socks and dirty clothes all over the place. Did it bother me? Honestly, not really. I am very patient and would simply pick all the dirty clothes and start a washing cycle. What did bother me? The abuse. That, I couldn't handle and no one in his/her right mind should attempt living with an abuser for the rest of his/her life. That's an example of what can be tolerated and what not.

Of course, not everyone can tolerate dirty clothes around the place. That is just me and of course, I'm very glad my fiancé does not do that!

One thing though, imo, standards shouldn't be too extreme. For example, would you dump a great person just because he puts the toilet paper the other way around from how you do it? Would you dump a person because he doesn't take out the toothpaste by pressing the end of the tube and does it from the middle instead? Imo, those are trivial things that can be tolerated, but that's just me.

[justinstrife]

Don't give up your values or beliefs for a boyfriend/girlfriend. You want to find someone who likes/loves you for who you are. Also, you generally lose more than you gain, when you have to give up those things to please someone else.

[Kafriel]

On my end of the spectrum, the cat is officially out of the bag. My mom actually told my dad about the boy I like, and yesterday while I was talking to him, my sister also found out as she came to check on me because she thought I was talking to the TV in my room. Both my mom and my sister think he's cute and has a great voice, and while my dad is a bit more reserved, he hasn't come out and said no.

Well done passive attitude sometimes helps a lot, everything works out by itself

About standards: I'll never let go of mine, there's no way I'll date a smoker even if hell freezer over. On matters like this, it's natural disgust viewed with fanatical absolution. If it's about a girl's character, then I'll bargain...if I can get her on a path I like more while she keeps her base traits intact (that is, not being 100% Kaf-made) then I'd happily date her

About sex-or-love: you can tell if they're after sex, because they'll wait patiently but never say no. People looking for love want to understand you more, so they'll ask all sorts of things and talk about themselves as well.

[Ricky Controversy]

Originally Posted by Kaijo

But yeah, once they cut you off, then you know they were just in it for themselves. Real friends/lovers/partners won't leave or forsake you; especially after they've seen the bad side of you (and everyone has a bad side).

So how to tell a good one? They've never left anyone, and always want to work things out. ... They could have have had relationships that ended, but they'll keep trying to be friends at least. ...

Er. No. This would be true in an ideal world, but in this one, it's not really valid. The simple fact is that sometimes it really is better for the person not just on a convenience level, but on an emotional health/safety level, to create some distance or cut someone out of their life entirely. The people who hold on to ties that put a strain on their own lives are sometimes just plain unaware of what is happening to them, but often do so out of fear of change and a need for external validation.

Having the guts to get up and leave when someone is doing you wrong is an admirable quality, and I would beg you to not confuse that and being flighty. The way you put it, being the one to leave always makes you wrong, and trying to work it out is always right...so would you apply this to an abusive relationship? How about when two people simply lose interest in each other because they had limited compatibility in the first place and they've hit the wall? Or maybe it becomes clear that you and your partner are on very different life paths. Isn't it a mark of wisdom to understand that some things cannot or should not be 'worked out' and to leave on a positive note before it ends up turning into a big mess?

On the matter of 'in it for sex' vs. 'in it for love', I again raise up the standard that if you cannot trust someone enough to just give you a straight answer about their motivations, you should not even bother pursuing a relationship with that person. A relationship will serve to deepen the ties between two people, but it's all rather pointless to try deepening trust if there's so little in place to begin with.

[SaintessHeart]

Sorry Arbitres. No. I am straight.

Originally Posted by Kafriel

About sex-or-love: you can tell if they're after sex, because they'll wait patiently but never say no. People looking for love want to understand you more, so they'll ask all sorts of things and talk about themselves as well.

So what if they are looking for both? As far as I know, most guys wouldn't give up a chance to have sex with a girl if she offers.

Originally Posted by RadiantBeam

But, for example, my ex-girlfriend. I'm very calm, rational, and I tend to keep my emotions in check and I have something of a control streak. She was spontaneous, very open emotionally, and just let the wind blow. Our personalities clashed, but I liked her a lot, so I wanted to try. Granted, it didn't end well, but it was still an attempt.

If you keep your emotions in check all the time, you won't end up being rational.

Trust me, I have been through the army, and I have seen those who keep their emotions in check all the time end up screwing up everything they do, especially time-relative combat drills like CQB. They get the first step right, and everything else later wrong. And funny thing is, they rinse, wash and repeat, so we end up doing push-ups all the time because these nuts pack their emotions in.

Emotions are created by your brain and therefore drive your thoughts, therefore the direction you put it in says the rest. Besides we live in a human world, so there's nothing wrong with sharing our emotions with others. But don't share the same one all the time, how would you like it if the entire packet of M&Ms you bought was blue?

On my end of the spectrum, the cat is officially out of the bag. My mom actually told my dad about the boy I like, and yesterday while I was talking to him, my sister also found out as she came to check on me because she thought I was talking to the TV in my room. Both my mom and my sister think he's cute and has a great voice, and while my dad is a bit more reserved, he hasn't come out and said no.

I am jealous of that guy. Joking.

I wasn't actually surprised that your dad had his doubts because you are a girl, and he was probably worried that the guy would cajole you into doing it. Similarly, on my side, my sis and mum were worried initially when I first brought Miss Tsun home (around 4 years ago) to help repair her laptop, and I still remember my mum was peeking into my room every few minutes that I wasn't doing anything to that girl.

Of course, it was a disaster when they chatted each other up. My mum urged me to chase her, and suggested that maybe if I have a girlfriend like her, I would stop getting into trouble in school (as we all know, Miss Tsun said no because she had siscon tendencies ).