Dating

[Samari]

Originally Posted by Nightbat®

Actually it does, and in most cases, it doesn't drop 'out of the blue'
You've been trying 'shadowgames' probably for weeks(/months) before

Instead of (often) misunderstood 'subtle hints', there is no way around this one
and it will show your postion, from your own PoV and how the person you confessed to sees you

True, walking up to a girl you've met 3 times this may seem a bit over the top
but if it's a person that has known you for some time, it should be easier to understand and cope with
it 'should' be more easily forgiven if it's not mutual AND you where brave and honest about it instead of keeping things hidden 'from a friend'

Remember, you're always dealing with a deadline, you can't keep poking the cat in the dark


If it doesn't work?
Well, keeping up playing Shadowgames wouldn't have worked either

Shadowgames? WTF is that? Did you make that up yourself? It's called not putting a girl on the spot. I'm not saying it's the right thing to go about things, but it works. At least for me anyways. Everytime I hear a story about a guy telling me or anyone else that they went up to a girl and said "I like you" it's usually a) she got freaked out and is avoiding me now or b) she wants to be just friends/things are now awkward. But it's never c) oh she feels the same way too and we're going out with each other/she fell right into my arms the end. Anyone who lives by that philosophy needs to wake up and smell the coffee.

How about instead of going up randomly and saying "I like you" and freaking people out, try getting to know the person first. If you already do great, maybe then you can take that road...but you better damn make sure the girl feels the same about you. Or else you're just going to get rejected. 99% sure of that. This isn't the movies or an anime cartoon.

And there is no "deadline" when it comes to not moving too fast and being too forward. It usually doesn't take me long to realize if a girl has a mutual interest in me or not. If she isn't showing anything back, I move on. Case closed. When I switched to this philosophy everything fell in place and girls were immensely easier to obtain. Sounds like things haven't worked out for you in this regard. Oh well.

[Nogitsune]

Originally Posted by Samari

Really...I disagree. I think anime is a terrible comparsion to reality when it comes to displays of affection. At least in modern day society. Girls aren't going to find it cute if I act like Heero Yuy or Sesshomaru on a date. They'll just think I'm creepy.

I don't know, if you acted like Sesshomaru and had a younger sister who's basically your Rin or something, that would be kind of huggable. xD

Having said that, I don't buy into the "women don't mean what they say" stuff. For one, it's a stereotype. Also, it reminds me too much of "well, how could I know she didn't mean yes when she kept saying no?", so yeah.

[synaesthetic]

I'm not even going to try to comprehend what's going on here. Why wouldn't you tell the person you like that you like them unless you don't want them to know?

I can understand not being able to tell them because you're nervous, fearful of being rejected, or many other reasons. But I've never heard of anyone refusing to tell a girl they like her because they'd rather expend much more energy in trying to play mind games...

... for the lulz?

Originally Posted by Nogitsune

Having said that, I don't buy into the "women don't mean what they say" stuff. For one, it's a stereotype. Also, it reminds me too much of "well, how could I know she didn't mean yes when she kept saying no?", so yeah.

This.

[Samari]

Originally Posted by synaesthetic

I'm not even going to try to comprehend what's going on here. Why wouldn't you tell the person you like that you like them unless you don't want them to know?

I can understand not being able to tell them because you're nervous, fearful of being rejected, or many other reasons. But I've never heard of anyone refusing to tell a girl they like her because they'd rather expend much more energy in trying to play mind games...

... for the lulz?



This.

Would you be receptacle to some random guy coming up to you and telling you "I like you"? It's freaks folks out. Perhaps it's s the world we live in.

Even if it's someone you know, like a good friend. Say they tell you they like you (even though you've shown no mutual interest) and you tell your friend that you don't feel the same way. Afterwards for a lot of people it's like "then what". You take a big risk of ruining an already good friendship. Which is why I said you better have done your homework and make sure the girl shares your feelings. That's the only way I would go about it. I mean really, what's the point of if you don't think she feels the same way? It's like a 1/100 shot in the dark hoping that the feeling is mutual. Most of the time you end up tarnishing your friendship.

Hanging out with someone a few times, it's pretty easy to figure out their stance on you. Especially if you ask them to go and hang out sometime. That really sets the stage subconsciously and you can tell if they're at all interested in you and in what way.

Call it mind games. I call it not being dumb. How the F are you playing with their mind anyways? That's like saying no one should ever being romantic and just tell a girl on the first date "I just want to have sex with you right now" because all the foreplay is just "mind games" and a waste of time.

[Jjo]

Originally Posted by Samari

Would you be receptacle to some random guy coming up to you and telling you "I like you"? It's freaks folks out. Perhaps it's s the world we live in.

Um no that would be odd; esp. if they didn't break the ice with a joke of some sorts. But I do recall my current boyfriend (of two years now) after knowing him for less than 8 hours calling me and telling me he was interested in seeing me ...as in dating then, not BF/GF...it's not weird to ask people on dates unless you are asking complete strangers out, which is weird because you don't even know them - why ask them out?

[Samari]

Originally Posted by Jjo

Um no that would be odd; esp. if they didn't break the ice with a joke of some sorts. But I do recall my current boyfriend (of two years now) after knowing him for less than 8 hours calling me and telling me he was interested in seeing me ...as in dating then, not BF/GF...it's not weird to ask people on dates unless you are asking complete strangers out, which is weird because you don't even know them - why ask them out?

Right well those are two different things. Asking someone to hang out, even if you say you're interested in seeing them is different than saying "I like you" or spilling out your feelings to someone that doesn't show mutual interest. Nothing good will come of that.

LOL at the folks that say not acting like a creep means you're playing mind games.

[Kaijo]

Originally Posted by Samari

Really...I disagree. I think anime is a terrible comparsion to reality when it comes to displays of affection. At least in modern day society. Girls aren't going to find it cute if I act like Heero Yuy or Sesshomaru on a date. They'll just think I'm creepy.

The only character I can think of in the amount of anime I've witnessed that resembled a good attitude to have about practically anything, is Spike Speigel from Cowboy Bebop. The "whatever" attitude. Works wonders.

Oh, there are bad examples in anime, but remember the old "Art imitates life, life imitates art" saying. There is truth in that. It's just extracting the truth that can be the issue. And for anime, it has a bit more to do with the Japanese mindset, so it might not apply as much to people from other cultures. But the stereotypes in these shows do come from us.

Consider the flashy guy, you know the type, the "god's gift to women" type. Someone like Tatewaki Kuno from Ranma 1/2. There are guys like that in real life, although Kuno is an exaggeration of the type. However, there is truth buried in his character; it's why we find it funny.

Originally Posted by Nogitsune

Having said that, I don't buy into the "women don't mean what they say" stuff. For one, it's a stereotype.

Twilight.

I rest my case.

In case it needs clarification, Twilight is a series of books written by a woman, who has said it is her fantasy. A lot of women like it for the same reason. And yet... if anyone acted like Edward towards them in real life, they would be creeped out. Or consider any romance novel.

And perhaps you haven't had the pleasure of running into women, but I've known plenty that have told me that they want honesty and truth from a man... and yet when given that, they recoil. instead, they go for the more mysterious guy who teases them and doesn't straight up tell them stuff.

Try it with a woman you know. Ask them: "What do you want in a man?" And then take a long look at the type of men they go for. You'll notice a trend, even if there are exceptions.

Lastly, regarding the topic that spawned this, I do recommend asking out on a date first. If she says yes, go out and have a fun time. Ask her out on several more, and eventually tell her you have been having a great time. Give something she really wants, and then confess.

Yes, going up to someone out of the blue and confessing can be a little weird, but if it's someone you know well and communicate with on a daily basis, you have to say something. If you say nothing and hope she eventually senses it, don't be surprised when she goes off with another guy who asks her out.

[synaesthetic]

lol putting words in my mouth.

I did not say go up to a random stranger that you've never met and say that you're in love with them. Of course that's creepy!

How would you even know you're in love with someone if you don't know them very well?

Why is this even an issue? How can you possibly even consider liking someone if you aren't already quite close?!

My brain is broken, give me a minute to RMA it.

[Simon]

Originally Posted by Kaijo

Twilight.

I rest my case.

Ah, Twilight... The touching story of one young woman's choice between necrophilia and bestiality.

In case it needs clarification, Twilight is a series of books written by a woman, who has said it is her fantasy. A lot of women like it for the same reason. And yet... if anyone acted like Edward towards them in real life, they would be creeped out. Or consider any romance novel.

Sorry but I struggle to see how this is relevant. Doesn't everybody, female or male, enjoy romantic and/or sexual fantasies about people they wouldn't actually care to get involved with in real life? In fact you don't even need to take it to the level of romantic interest - by far my favourite anime characters are strong kick-arse women who don't take crap from anyone, don't helplessly fall into the male lead's arms at the first sign of trouble, and will basically crush any fool who gets in their way. But in RL I'd probably find such a person loud, boorish and unpleasant. Does this make me dishonest and deceptive?

[Dragonar Fan]

Confessions can get any one in a bad fix , had to bail a friend out once if you get where this is going, (crazy ship)

[Nogitsune]

Originally Posted by Kaijo

Twilight.

I rest my case.

In case it needs clarification, Twilight is a series of books written by a woman, who has said it is her fantasy. A lot of women like it for the same reason. And yet... if anyone acted like Edward towards them in real life, they would be creeped out. Or consider any romance novel.

Uh, so?
Basically, what Simon said. Also, Edward is not just creepy, he's a possessive stalker and Twilight pretty antifeminist, so I'd be scared of what else its popularity (mostly amongst teenage girls, by the way) would say about women if it was that simple.

Oh, and I know more women who dislike Twilight than women who love it, even counting those who see it as a "guilty pleasure" and consciously draw a very clear line between fantasy and reality.

And perhaps you haven't had the pleasure of running into women,

Err, I am a woman, and I have a feeling you know that much already, so thank you for mansplaining things to me.

but I've known plenty that have told me that they want honesty and truth from a man... and yet when given that, they recoil. instead, they go for the more mysterious guy who teases them and doesn't straight up tell them stuff.

Well, I know very different women. What now?

Try it with a woman you know. Ask them: "What do you want in a man?" And then take a long look at the type of men they go for. You'll notice a trend, even if there are exceptions.

You talk like all women are the same and your experiences are universal. Most of the women I know are well aware of what they want and are fairly honest about it.

[Kaijo]

Originally Posted by Nogitsune

You talk like all women are the same and your experiences are universal. Most of the women I know are well aware of what they want and are fairly honest about it.

I'll restate the piece of my post that you replied to, since you may have missed it:

Originally Posted by Kaijo

Try it with a woman you know. Ask them: "What do you want in a man?" And then take a long look at the type of men they go for. You'll notice a trend, even if there are exceptions.

Originally Posted by Kaijo

You'll notice a trend, even if there are exceptions.

Originally Posted by Kaijo

even if there are exceptions.

Originally Posted by Kaijo

exceptions.

[Jjo]

Besides the fact that it's trendy to hate Twilight; and basically any movie that gets popular - why is it being brought up here? an anime forum of all places lmao. I don't think anyone needs to bring up the kind of garbage you see in most animes and make assumptions about anyone who likes those animes/those who made them. Twilight was made by someone who wanted to make money, and is a sub-par writer with horrid grammar. Not very different from alot of books really.

[Nightbat®]

Originally Posted by Samari

How about instead of going up randomly and saying "I like you" and freaking people out

How about reading someone's post a little better

It usually doesn't take me long to realize if a girl has a mutual interest in me or not. If she isn't showing anything back, I move on. Case closed. When I switched to this philosophy everything fell in place and girls were immensely easier to obtain. Sounds like things haven't worked out for you in this regard. Oh well.

You don't even have to put effort in asking their name if you pay them

[Samari]

Originally Posted by Nightbat®

How about reading someone's post a little better

The feeling is mutual.

Originally Posted by Nightbat®

You don't even have to put effort in asking their name if you pay them

You sound like you actually have experience with this. Sorry I'm not interested.

[Nogitsune]

Originally Posted by Kaijo

I'll restate the piece of my post that you replied to, since you may have missed it:

It's not that there are "exceptions", it's that there are at least as many women who aren't like the ones you know.

Also, you don't have to quote yourself more than once to make your point, so huh.

[Ending]

Spoiler for making you click. I know you have to. Ha.:

My dating with the Philippino continues and religion seems to be our only real stepping stone.

Her religious views are also interesting, because she firmly believes in magic, satan, ghosts, miracles, angels, demons, and so forth. Which really makes her seem like a complete nutcase.

On the flip-side... It's our only problem.

[Nightbat®]

Originally Posted by Samari

The feeling is mutual.

Somehow I doubt that
You come with a situation about running up to a complete stranger, this was not in my example

You sound like you actually have experience with this.

The truth contradicts your opinion

[Samari]

Originally Posted by Nightbat®

Somehow I doubt that
You come with a situation about running up to a complete stranger, this was not in my example

You can believe what you wish. Don't really have any reason to lie though.

Originally Posted by Nightbat®

The truth contradicts your opinion

Opinion about what? What I just said previously was more so an inquiry, not a statement. At least what you quoted. Like I implied though, it doesn't matter. I'm not that interested in your little escapades, whatever they may be. Which is why a simple response was given to the comment you took out of context and quoted and then proceeded to post something irrelevant.

[Flinch]

Now let's not fight here, as this is for advice (or rather, supposed to be.) Personally, I'm a fan of intellectual debates, but this is gonna turn into mindless bickering within a few more posts, so let's not get there.