[PhoenixFlare]

... Character limit is prohibiting a single-post backlog breaker .

So ... ANOTHER MAXIMUM BACKLOG BREAKER!!

===========

Originally Posted by SpaceBrotha

Right, here's a story from this morning... It was 5:50am, and i woke up to the urge of nature. visited the bathroom, and when i returned, inspiration was waiting with a nailed bat and wanted some dues for me not writing in the last 5 years...

...and nailed me good. now, 10 hours later, i'm posting the prologue chapter of what might actually develope into something interesting

May contain adequate amounts of "lol WUT!?" but please bear with me.

Spoiler for prologue:

-snip-

there, 4100 words. Comments?

Urge of nature that does wonder.

Davram sure upped his ante as one of the master wizards in the world, though he was eventually being overwhelmed by the Order of Light. And that Sealing Logia seems to be doing its job nicely ... until it reappeared in the world again, deep underground .

Nice opening chapter .

Originally Posted by SpaceBrotha

First off, thanks to everyone who read and commented, and ofc thanks to PhoenixG and Aaron008R for beta-reading this.

Right, so after some serious writers blocks to the face, i finally got the chapter 2 together. It's a bit heavy, atleast at the beginning. I also attached some pictures that i managed to find.

Anyway, 5500 words. Enjoy!

Spoiler:

Chapter 2: The Tower

-snip-

There, comments?

Edit: thought to add a link to the first chapter: Prologue

It's alive! It's alive! The Tower's alive! In the form of a small girl!

Davram's nonchalance is certainly a great work, though his image as a lich is getting worrisome. He's so kind ! And a mean streak of giving surprises when you least expect it.

Guess Iris still has much to learn about her master. Rule #1: Don't assume that he's asleep if he seems like it.

Originally Posted by SpaceBrotha

Well, in celebration to OCT's birthday:
Another chapter! sorry it took a while.
Again, thanks to PhoenixG and Aaron008R for beta-reading!

To everyone who read, thanks alot, couldn't be doing this without you guys and gals. I read everyone's comments even though i might not have responded to them, i also tried to make it a bit more clear to avoid needless confusion. But if i didn't succeed in that, then i suppose that confusion is just a part of my personality.

links to chapters 1 and 2.

About formatting: Davrams lines are always preluded by an empty line, and i usually don't have another empty line afterwards. But when i have two people talking and neither TALKS LIKE THIS, i use empty lines to indicate that the person who's talking has changed.

anyway, around 5500 words like the last chapter as well, here it is:

Spoiler:

-snip-

Comments?

Time sure flies fast for undead and literal demigods .

Iris's ursophilia impulse is a nice touch, but poor teddy that got punched!

And lo and behold, another bear joins the rank, and one that gets off rather well with Iris, in this case. Ursus should be advised caution with Iris, she bites.

A nice title for this, as Tormenk put it, would be The Lich, the Tower, and the Bear!

===========

Originally Posted by LimitedEternal

And PF delivers his massively long BLUECHEESE!

That is a mighty impressive piece o' work, though. Nicely written. My head's still wobbling

This one is much shorter in comparison, and yeah, I notice myself getting some the throb when I re-read it back. Yuuno went the roundabout way to talk about it, and I made him made it even more difficult.

===========

Originally Posted by Nightengale

Oh, epic information chapter.

The whole religionbabble by Yuuno, strangely reminds me of the Wicker Man. (( I know, BIG difference, but still. ))

This is the first time I've ever heard of an information chapter that's epic.

I haven't watched Wicker Man, so the reference eludes me.

===========

Originally Posted by tshouryuu

Well, you know my thoughts already and here is a little joke from yours truly.

Spoiler for Omake:

-snip-

Omigawd! This omake is certainly giving me the epic ! The mere thought is exacting a wicked throb of unbelievable intensity at the imagination of Iris being the sire of the buildings.

*douses self in bleach to cleanse the mind*

===========

Originally Posted by Liingo

Scene1
Hmm funny, it looks like you managed to edit the thing that I was going to comment on yesterday in here…. Or maybe I was just tired and read it wrong

I did find the above quote a little weird… although it is explainable if the templars came from different backgrounds/etc. before their appointment. Nay? Yay?

Looks like it isn’t all just roses on the ‘villains’ side. Should be good… apart from the imminent expansion of the main cast

I'm sorry that I didn't get back to this sooner, guess I miss what you meant by the edit. I didn't edit much except for the cosmetics (adding colors and italics and such), so it should still be there. What was it about, by the way (if you still remember, in any case )?

The question was actually meant to ask the reader what they think caused so many scars on Grandia, actually . It didn't work out well, but never mind. The Templars were trained together and much of their histories were known to each other. It's like they had been companions for a very long time that everyone knew everyone else from the inside out, except if they were hiding something.

And yeah, the roses aren't always blooming for the villains . Sometimes they get poison ivy instead.

Originally Posted by Liingo

Scene2
XD you go ARF! Horray for the shafted ones Points to Vivio for the scene with all the things she manages to pull. Upstaging the Aces *chuckle*

Although best would have to be XD Much laughter was had yesterday Many thanks

On the Leona side of things, I demand a joint inquisition of her by Aurion and Yuuno. XD

I didn't know Arf was shafted, but luckily that pulled through rather well. I'm glad you like this scene .

Vivio grows up to be quite a rascal in this fic, but she's still a responsible girl under Nanoha's guidance. Yuuno gives his share of "parentage" also, as you've noticed .

Joint inquisition ...

Leona: *eyes glinting coldly* Don't even think about it.

Originally Posted by Liingo

Scene3
Oh yes, the defection is imminent…

Defection? The probability is rather low.

Originally Posted by Liingo

Scene4
You continue to impress, this time with knowledge of linguistics and Myths + Legends, very cool However must you always leave us at cliffs that are hanging

Thanks!

But, cliffhangers are ... necessary. And more's coming .

*flees*

Originally Posted by Liingo

Ahh, I see a variation on grenade jumping. Well it makes sense Don't worry so much about explaining the other comments raised. I'm perfectly happy to sit and wait for things to be explained in the story. Of course if that's not true then that's a different matter entirely

Is that the term? I didn't really know. And yeah, it's going to be explained in the next chapter.

Originally Posted by Liingo

Although it does seem to me that we have epic haxx on the 'good guys team' with what Leona threw out in the chapter... Perhaps not so devasting in property damage but still powerful none the less

You mean Nidhoggr or her ability to sense Vestrell's move? The latter will be explained later, but right now, Nidhoggr is actually just a more flashy variation of the typical battery spell, it has speed and range, but little in power (B+ for the whole spell).

Originally Posted by Liingo

One more falls. Or at least is now a literal vegetable

Uhm, half a vegetable. And quite a bad half, too.

He takes the first scene of Chapter Nine.

Originally Posted by Liingo

Suitably epic nuke from our resident grand story teller XD

I still can't shake the feeling that the templars are going to end up on the good side by the end of this. Although it's debateable how many of them are still going to be alive by it's conclusion.

Thanks!

Well, it's good that we're now second-guessing what the plot will end up with (my intention, exactly), because it makes it more interesting (and more difficult for me to write the plot ). I'm just hoping I can pull the big one later.

Originally Posted by Liingo

Now to sit for another month or so to wait for the next installment, the aftermath. *sigh*

Ahhh, I really need to work on my fics sometime... Now if only I had a time machine

Another Transition chapter is coming up first, and then the next chapter. When it'll be done, though, may take more than a month.

Originally Posted by Liingo

Yeah I figured

No, and I went the extra mile to make it seem so!

==========

Originally Posted by Rockfest

Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha TravellerS

The Wheel of Time turns, and Ages come and pass,
leaving memories that become legend.
Legend fades to myth, and even myth is long forgotten
when the Age that gave it birth comes again.

What was, what will be, and what is,
May yet fall under the Shadow

Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha TravellerS will now begin.

Chapter 1 (The Eye of the World) – Prologue

Spoiler for Prologue:

-snip-

Mighty interesting start . I think you're the first author who's attempted time-traveling for Nanohaverse, which is set to bring about epic stories and battles. Shamal keeping a regular log is not really out-of-character, seeing as she's basically the doctor and healer of the group, she needs to know the conditions of her friends and set some check-ups and prognoses if necessary. Logging Nanoha's conditions is quite correct .

The second prophecy seems dire enough, seeing as it involves even the age of the Saint King three hundred years ago. Nanoha receiving the second Linker Core sounds a bit strange for me, but I don't mind it very much. It will be interesting development to watch out for.

For OCs, I think I've mentioned it already that most of mine wouldn't fit, except for Gabriel who's working in Intelligence. See if you need another Intelligence other than Acous, and we'll discuss this out. If your story revolves heavily around the ancient age, then it's all right.

Good luck with this!

==========

Originally Posted by XenahortCharybdis

Oh, AARON!!!

Here's a new competitor for overreactions here! *waves*

Overreactions are for the masters of underreactions.

Originally Posted by XenahortCharybdis

*cough*

If it gets that far without me burying him alive in critique

Though I trust that won't happen, Cadians are VERY resilient.

Most, not all. Then again, if he breaks, I trust you won't make him break ... that badly.

Originally Posted by XenahortCharybdis

As expected. I like Big Bosses that are less...stifling, though. Still, I like Lazarus, and his boss. The dynamics is very familiar to me.

He's stifling because he pays no heed to things that do not concern him. Anything that does, he pays every ounce of attention to it. Other than that, you'll just be talking to the wall until he decides that he's bored and your tummy needs a make-over .

Originally Posted by XenahortCharybdis

Really now, that's nice of you...

*absorbs information*

Petty thief!

Use it if you want, though. I don't mind anyone using it as well.

Originally Posted by XenahortCharybdis

I'm a little too tired to start breaking the backlog now, or whatever there is before this post.

So I'll post first, and come back tomorrow for some more.

As I said on the IRC, here's 3 drafts. Still open to suggestions, manhandling, slamming, you know the drill.

COMING SOON: Some background information so some things aren't so confusing OR nearly as h4xx as they sound now. Funny thing that I wrote the text before the Foreword. It should be called the Back-word instead now. But since this is more transcribed in my head, and less documented elsewhere, I felt it was important that I put this down first before I start forgetting things, my next post will tell you why I need to do this.

Ergo, the background is recorded elsewhere other than here, so I can whip it out more easily.



Firstly, we shall have a villain, and then a true neutral dead guy.

Spoiler for “OC Grenade 1/3: Zarakiya Justi, Executioner, Judge and Jury”:

-snip-

Now, the histories of these three characters are well-done, I find little to nitpick (even though I feel the "eternal life" part a little unnerving, but I'll just leave it be for the moment). I do have issues with the spells, as I've mentioned to you earlier, so let's see what do we have to talk about.

Ah, wait, before that, we'll tackle this little bit here:

Spoiler for “Duel of the Century”:

One notable event from his time as a cadet was a duel with another cadet from the Seven Lances, Juste Beremont, which would later come to be hailed as the “Duel of the Century”. It was during this fight that the two were distinguished as among the best war strategists of their generation, and also resulted in his leapfrog from Magic Grid 3 to Magic Grid 5, because of the limits to which the battle pushed both him and his opponent.

Their battle lasted a total of 45 minutes, and eventually ended in Juste’s victory by what he called “a 3mm difference in arm length”. It wasn’t wrong: The last strike both of them dealt was a blade strike, and Juste won only on merit of his longer reach, and a better blade technique, which was a fraction of a second faster.

Juste Beremont would later go on to become known as the Exile Forgemaster, while Zarakiya would be working with him as the capitol, or captain, of the “Arcus Civitas” during the Aerternis Proxy Wars, and the eventual Dimensional War.

If Juste won the duel, why is Zarakiya made the leader and not him? =3

Originally Posted by XenahortCharybdis

Spoiler for “Spells and Other Related Issues”:

General Fighting and Magic Style:

(The lack of sigils is because the Aerternis don’t really use them. Instead, they generate weapons using magic that have “runes” on them detailing the nature and strength of the spell. Those are “replacements” for sigils.)

To my understanding, this would follow a similar rule as Tracing (in your case, the Artifacts of the God), wouldn't it?

Originally Posted by XenahortCharybdis

Spoiler for “The Price of Power”:

Veneficus Radix: The Root of Magic

Like some high-ranking Aerternis, he seems to have an unlimited supply of magic, simply because they do not need Linker Cores as accumulators and processes; rather, their bodies have been evolved to accept magic in its rawest form from the source, and thus they seem to have an inexhaustible amount of magic on hand, uninhibited by the varying capacities of the Linker Core. This also means that he is able to draw any form of magic from around him in a certain radius. For Zarakiya, this radius’ limit is 100 metres.

Of course, there are limiting factors to this ability, which are quite costly.

The first is a condition known as “Veneficus Terminus” or the “Magic’s Limit”: This is the amount of magic the body can withstand at any one time before it comes under severe pressure from the magic itself. It must and can never be exceeded by the user of the Veneficus Radix. If it is exceeded, then the user will immediately face rapid degeneration of his or her body, which will result eventually in death if the user does not drop below the limit. Needless to say, in Zarakiya’s case, this ceiling value is very high, and in practical application, he may not be the match of an Ace in the short term (he has a lower output at any given time), but due to the different working style of his magic (he has a higher overall endurance), he is stronger in the long run, as the Aces will run dry of energy much earlier than he will.

The second is an affliction that seems only to affect more powerful Aerternis who use the Radix, and it is called the “Inritus Presencia” or “Void Effect” Once an Aerternis chooses the path of the Radix, they lose their immortality, and as they continue to progress, their bodies will degenerate and eventually be broken down into magical energy themselves.

Not all Aerternis are aware of this, but Zarakiya is aware of this fact, and of the fact that he has not long left, only *snip* years in his own estimation. It is unknown why Zarakiya chose this path, though, knowing that it would kill him.

If you don't mind me pointing out, your characters (two of the three) have a lot of special abilities that are mitigated very little for the huge benefits they gain. Well, they're antagonists, you've mentioned them earlier, but it remains difficult to see how the Aces are able to handle them.

For starters, Veneficus Terminus doesn't sound like a powerful limitation in any case, given that the Zarakiya's threshold is quite high. I believe you'll be exercising author limitation here.

For Inritus Presencia, from what I understand, it means that they're no longer immortal, so ... what's the consequence here other than they becoming human? Does that mean that the average Aerternis who doesn't practice actually do not die normally, and that if struck a lethal blow, they can be regenerate very rapidly? What I mean is, what's so crippling about this effect to Zarakiya's unnatural ability?

Originally Posted by XenahortCharybdis

Vesica Silva: The Blade Forest

Offensive Power: A+ each sword
Type: AoE Blast
Activation: “Rumpus orbis (Shatter the Circle (referring to the world))!”
Cast Time: 6.5 seconds
Terminus taken: 90% + Extra Drain

Gathers thousands upon thousands of energy blades around him, and launches them outward, together with a huge magical shockwave. The swords dissipate 6-7 seconds after being fired, but this is still a very deadly move, as they are shot out at speeds exceeding most other shooting spell speeds.

In this case, he will drain his Axiom’s power by 50% at one shot, thus lowering his combat effectiveness (like speed, strength, and reaction times) by half, and also lowering the upper limit of his Terminus by 50% for an entire day. Also, he will be incapable of using magic for about an hour after using this spell.

This is his deadliest spell, and is called the “Army Slayer” because of its massive killing ability. In fact, some of the massive anti-army, one sided slaughters that occurred during the Proxy Wars were attributed to this skill due to the sheer rapidity of the massacres, which would have been completely impossible to achieve even with another larger force. However, it is more or less a last ditch assault-type spell, given its heavy physical and mental drain, and he has not used this since a certain incident during the Proxy Wars.

You have a complex input for your spells, and one of them is Axiom, which isn't mentioned in extra details. So, for the Aerternis that practice magic, they basically have a Veneficus Terminus and Axiom that function as power supplies for their spells? How different are they that they are needed at different times and usage?

Originally Posted by XenahortCharybdis

Spoiler for “Other Ceremonial Spells”:

Secundus Lancea – Anglachel

Tier: 6 (Artifact of the Gods)
Power: E~???
Proficiency: E – Zarakiya cannot use this spell properly.
Type: Ceremonial/Close Combat
Activation: The Command Runes of “Metal”, “Earth”, “Fire” and “Wind”

A lance said to be able to cut through anything. Zarakiya has only once before attempted the use of this spell (albeit out of combat), and the result was that the negative feedback from its power caused almost all the bones in his arms to break. However, even a failed attempt like Zarakiya’s almost destroyed the pocket dimension in which he was training, and thus one can only conclude that it must be a very powerful weapon.

Tertius Lancea – Cronus Flax: Sickle of Cronus

Tier: 6 (Artifact of the Gods)
Power: D~???
Proficiency: E – Zarakiya only knows how to wield it as a weapon.
Type: Ceremonial/Close Combat
Casting Time: Absolutely ZERO
Activation: Unknown, even to Zarakiya?!

The Third Lance. It is not known how Zarakiya possesses more than one of the Seven Lances, and stranger yet that he has no idea how this weapon works.

Uhm, right, a lance that can "cut through anything". By virtue of description, I'm assuming it means the lance can cut anything including space, universe, time, and the like. Proficiency, like casting time and power, is pretty much subjective and author limited, so if he really needs to use it, then he will use it. Now, can you describe a way in which the lance can be effectively blocked?

... I dread to think what Cronus Flax can do ...

Originally Posted by XenahortCharybdis

Spoiler for “OC Grenade 2/3: Juste Beremont, the Exiled Forge”:

-snip-

There isn't much to comment about Juste, because it lacks information .

Originally Posted by XenahortCharybdis

Spoiler for “OC Grenade 3/3: A. Ricardo Cronqvist, Forgemaster’s Familiar”:

-snip-

For Ricardo ...

Originally Posted by XenahortCharybdis

Spoiler for “Special Personal Abilities”:

Kropp av Blod: Body of Blood

His clan-based ability: So long as Rick has at least 35% of his Terminus available for use without hitting 100%, any serious physical wound to his body will simply cause that part of him to meltdown into a huge pool of blood, and then rise again shortly with only minimal damage down. This way, he can reduce even a fatal wound to a long gash. However, this does have a negative effect on him, in the sense that the subsequent reduced injury takes a very long time to heal (almost double the time), and cannot be healed effectively by healing spells: All healing spells drop to about 5% of their normal effectiveness when dealing with such injuries. Another ability included in the Body of Blood is the ability to heal himself using the blood of his enemies. The limitation is that this healing does not work on wounds inflicted and reduced using the first half of this ability, and only has a limited mitigation effect on other kinds of wounds. Also, the amount of blood required for healing is quite a lot, one would have to do a lot of major bloodletting to heal serious wounds.

Thus, this ability does not make him invincible, it simply makes him harder to kill off. Rick normally relies more on speed to keep himself safe, and some powerful spells to make him dangerous.

There is, however, a very inconvenient side effect of this spell: That he cannot retain a very active lifestyle for extended periods of time, due to the fact that being active, whether during the day or the night, wears out his energy. Also, he appears to suffer from a bad case of everlasting insomnia: He cannot sleep normally no matter what he tries (36 sleeping pills and 3 knockout blows later, he was very much unharmed except for a major headache and a somewhat worsened temper). Thus, in order to function properly, he has to from time to time seal himself into a near-death sort of sleep. This near-death sleep involves the use of magic to completely shut down his body, with a timer set to ‘wake’ him up at the point where he is able to function again, which normally takes about half of the time that he was active. For example, if he was awake for about a week, then his sleep will last three days (rounded down). During this point of time, he cannot react to external stimuli in the least, which means he can be killed while still in this state of sleep. Overall, the maximum amount of time he can remain active without needing this form of sleep is about 2 weeks, although he sleeps more regularly than that, so as to prevent the worst case scenario from ever occurring.

Let's see, if someone critically damages his heart/weak point, will it just "gush" out in a pool of blood and then repair itself like nothing's ever happened?

Originally Posted by XenahortCharybdis

Ödslig Tom: Desolate Void

Rick’s black jacket was never as innocuous as it looked: it is actually a link to an endless void; the remnants of a major dimensional fallout of unknown origin. This appears to be a special item belonging to him and not so much an ability rather than an artifact. By taking off his jacket and flicking it out at a enemy spell, he can absorb the attack into the void. He can also pull just about anything else he wants into this void, though it is possible to resist its effect by setting up a barrier or a field, or by moving out of its effective range.

Anything within up to 90 metres radius of the void can feel its pull (and outside of it, to a lesser extent), friend and foe, animate and inanimate objects alike. Its minimum radius was 15 metres, which means that Rick himself would feel this force, and would have had to counter it using magic as well. Therefore, it can be both a blessing, and a curse.

Also, Rick cannot use this ability more than once a day, as it seems to weaken him physically and mentally to use this. Maybe he just wasn’t cut out to use it…

Mm, I wonder, can he use this secret artifact to basically void Arc-en-Ciel?

Also, if he can only use it once per day, how long is the duration that the jacket will remain as a void before it reverts to being a normal jacket? Sorry, by "once per day", it can either mean "activated once and effective till one day is over" or "activated once and effective only for one attack per day". I do hope it's the latter ...

Originally Posted by XenahortCharybdis

Hus Daeva: The House of Daeva

Boost Power: A
Special Boost: A+
Type: Hybrid Boost
Activation: None
Cast Time: Unknown

This spell is an interesting one, it not only boosts his movement and attack speed, but it also ups his charm and charisma, in the sense that he has the power to attract and sway the emotions of others in a subtle fashion, similar to the effect of pheromones. The physical and offensive boost is quite weak as compared to that of his other spells, but the “Special” boost lies in the PR/IP skill boost that he receives, and this the defining trait of the skill “House of Daeva”. When used by Ricardo, this spell can serve the purpose of letting him get where he wants, and do as he likes.

There are few who can resist this spell, as there are yet fewer who can detect its presence in the first place, and this is usually because they are resistant to advances in that direction in the first place, or because they are oblivious to them. There have been suggestions that Ricardo uses this to “make up for his lack of waking time” by enhancing the effectiveness of his more…intriguing interpersonal interactions. This, however, has always been hotly denied by him (evident from the slightly more harsh tone he uses), although without losing his cool.

Mm, silent killer, much? Hayate falls under the pheromone, backstab, end of story?

Originally Posted by XenahortCharybdis

Hus Gangrel: The House of Gangrel

Boost Power: S+
Type: Hybrid Boost
Activation: None
Cast Time: Unknown
Duration: 10 minutes maximum

This is the most powerful of his boosts. It increases his Berhaska passive skill, boosts his endurance and his speeds to higher levels than any one of his other boosts. The most straightforward of his boost spells, and with the most straightforward cost: He goes outright mad for the whole duration of this boost, and while in this state he fights instinctively and on greatly increased reflexes and speeds, he also loses a lot of his proper coherent thought process, inflicting damage mercilessly on both friend and foe alike.

In short, he fights like a beast rather than a man. Also, his spell list is more limited when Hus Gangrel is in use, as he cannot use more powerful/complex spells like Crimson Dream and Blood Refrain Rondo.

Ten minutes is quite the long duration for normal battles. They usually last less than five, unless it's a battle of attrition or a siege. Consider lowering the time limit?

Originally Posted by XenahortCharybdis

Natt Uvertyr: Night’s Overture

Defensive Power: S~S+
Proficiency: AAA+
Type: Disruption/Field type Defense
Activation: “Resonate!”
Cast Time: 4 seconds
Duration: As long as he can hold it up

Ricardo uses both his hands to play an illusory melody in the air as though playing a huge pipe organ, and using this melody, generates ripples tinged with a deep red aura over a wide diameter of almost 200 metres, with lesser effects outside of it.

These ripples have a similar effect to that of the Crimson Dream, except that it also entails causing the enemy’s magic power to dissipate/disperse faster, thus weakening most attacks used against him by quite a great deal. Thus, this move is not an attack against the power of the spell, but against the structural integrity of the magic particle construct that makes up the concept of this spell.

Maximum level of spells that can be dispersed?

Originally Posted by XenahortCharybdis

Demonen Slottet: Demon Castle

Tier: Six (Citadel of Hell)
Power: Variable
Proficiency: S+
Type: Field/Wide Area/Summon
Activation: “I am A. Ricardo, the master of Castle Cronqvist.”
Cast Time: 2 hours
Duration:

Ricardo summons a huge castle with a maze of rooms and towers, with him at an unknown location known as the Castle Keep, which is actually a localized dimensional rift which cannot be touched until the castle itself is destroyed. Through this castle, Ricardo has near-infinite access to summons of monsters and creatures which he can summon to either defend or attack. These creatures are split into 5 levels of power. Level 1 summoned beings are so comparatively weak that even the average TSAB mage can take almost a dozen of these before going down (although they make good scouts, and they can be summoned en masse to simply swarm said TSAB mage and thus minimize losses), while the mighty Level 5 beings are more than a match for entire units of mages.

Ricardo can also obtain intelligence from whatever the summoned beings are able to see, which means that they are also like a major extension of his passive sight (active sight means that he is able to things first hand, while passive sight means he knows what’s happening. Much like Naruto’s mass-spam Kage-bunshin no jutsu in some ways)

The limitations of this is that it, like some powerful Aerternis spells, throws open the magic gate(for such another spell, see the Blade Forest, Zarakiya’s AoE attack), and thus drains his Axiom at a much more rapid rate than normal spells, of which the magical strain is regulated by said item. An analogy for the drain method is that in normal spells, the magic that flows through him is regulated, while in this spell, the magic flows as much as needed instead of in a regulated fashion, and thus this is like his major limit break of sorts.

The price of this spell is similar to that of Axiom-draining spells: Firstly, it can only be held up for a limited period of time, which in Ricardo’s case is 2 hours, and following that, his Axiom will be rendered at half its original efficiency. Within that period of time, he can summon as much as he likes, and also, he can invest magical energy into beings that he summons through the Cronqvist family castle, which allows them to continue to exist for a limited time even when the duration of this spell is over. Secondly, while there is no given limit on the number of Level1-3 summons he can bring out, there is a cap on how many level 4 and 5 creatures he can summon. In the case of level 4s, he can only summon nine of them, while for level 5 creatures, he can only summon three. Lastly, he will go into a state of death-like sleep like that of Blood Body’s side effect for 2 days once he is done using this spell (this spell is like draining all of his energy for 4 days, and then forcing him to rest), and this leaves him wide open to attack.

Now, I frown at this spell. It's too powerful. I notice that the cast time is two hours, but preparations beforehand effectively render the cast time obsolete (plus, it's plot point, anyway). Then, it seems like Ricardo has some godly amount of Axiom to spare for this spell to be maintained for two hours, and the summon limit is almost nonexistent. Personally, if I were Ricardo, I'd mass-spam Level 1-3 creatures and let them flood over the enemies. It's a futile battle on the enemy's side anyway, since there's no limit to the number that he can summon for those small level creatures. Plus, if he were to combine all the summons, he'd basically have an army huge enough to overwhelm the enemy's forces. Of course, that's assuming that those creatures do not drain his Axiom when summoned (something which you'd accidentally let out, perhaps). If they do drain his Axiom, he'd not have an infinite summon for Level 1-3.

Originally Posted by XenahortCharybdis

So anyway, my long delayed...preview is here. It's split into 3 parts, and involves some OCs I haven't posted yet (it's still on paper manuscript) so it could get confusing.

First person view. Third person can wait for the real stuff.
First try writing a Nanoha fic, so...oh well, nevermind.

Spoiler for Title:

Zenith of Eternity
Part I: The Wings of the Storm

Spoiler for The Forgotten Wanderer:

-snip-

Spoiler for INTERLUDE: The Hound and the Snake:

-snip-

Spoiler for Blade of Omen:

-snip-

Spoiler for Final Lines:

-snip-

Spoiler for Author's notes::

-snip-

And...some sleep at last. AFTER this gets on the Fanfic thread. Oh well.

For starters, this is quite epic even for a first chapter.

There's the sense of mystery over who Alemantas's true identity (and the one who spoke in her dream), and then the person who called her ... mother? Nice biking scene between Snake and Acous, though I'm still wondering who did Acous meet in the office (doesn't sound like Regius). A lot of codenames are being used, it seems. And the mastermind is already revealed .

Originally Posted by XenahortCharybdis

Alright. I'm fully in love with this series now...

Why, you saying you weren't in love with it until now? I'm hurt!

Thanks!

Originally Posted by XenahortCharybdis

Excellent work indeed. The group fights are nicely done...and that girl is SCARY. I'm gonna try praying that that ship of theirs is in one piece

(although I'm secretly hoping it's in many, many pieces )

*runs from Angry Aaron*

Uhm, Escutcheon is a building, and the Crusader is a big room where the operations are being overseen. They haven't deemed it necessary to commission a mobile base, yet.

That girl ain't scary, she's cute and innocent!

Originally Posted by XenahortCharybdis

and I'm all the more determined to make mine as EPIC.

Great, more epic stuff is always good.

Originally Posted by XenahortCharybdis

:t witch:

The...lines are nice...

The action was cool...

The couple's move was so Sora and Nike...

I feel for S-Sharazad...

And I think there's...something about Leona...

BUT!

BUT! BUT! BUTTTTT!!!!!!

NOOOOOOOOOO------TRYSTAHN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YOU'RE MY FAAAAVVVVOOORRRRIIITTTTEEEE TEMPLARRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YOOOOOUUUUUUUUU CAN'T DDDDDDDIIIIIEEEEEE HHHEEEEEERRRRREEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!

...

DAMN YOU PF!~

:u pset:

The response is so strong ...

I didn't get the reference about Sora and Nike (though I know it's from Kingdom Hearts ), but I'm amazed that your favorite Templar is Trystahn of the four being detailed so far. He has the least amount of exposure at current time, but I guess he makes people feel for him (perhaps more so after this ... ). Thanks!

==========

Originally Posted by Tempest Dynasty

Hell yeah. You should definitely give the series a watch. I LOVE the ED. Imagine Vivio having to live with Noland acting eerily similar to Kogarashi.

Spoiler for Maid Guy Noland:

-snip-

Oh good god, what do we have here?

Maid Guy Sight? Everything's see through? The girls aren't safe anymore with this stalker in town!

I wonder if Noland sees even through Nanoha, Fate, and Hayate ... what a lucky maid.

Originally Posted by Tempest Dynasty

Ahh I knew it was good to wait until the weekend. Much more active.

Alrighty folks. This here is the revised character.

Spoiler for Noland ver. Beta:

-snip-

If everyone approves, this will be also be the official working version. ...Until next revision, at least. I hope it's acceptable; I'll make some fancy dedicated post thing for linkage and reference later.

Mm, Noland the Knight of Calamari Culinary.

I prefer this profile, it's much revised and is more balanced than the previous one. And no Maid Guy Sight ability, I see.

Good work with this!

Originally Posted by Tempest Dynasty

Ya know, every time I read this over I can't help but think about Patchu-con! Defend the Library!

But in any case...

Inspired in a way by Keroko and me being too damn restless at times, I've done my own version of the fall of Belka. Of course, this is only another interpretation of what may or may not have happened so long ago.

Spoiler for Scripture:

-snip-

Next, we have the secretive Priory of Ioudas who protects the last of the scriptures bearing the true story of the incident, which the current Church condemns as heresy. However, according to revelation by inside sources, the Priory is poised to reveal the entire truth to the public, and the Church puts up desperate measures to counter that event. They track down members of the Priory, whose secret codename was Viva la Vivio and carrying two gems of different colors (one red, the other green) linked in the shape of brooch. A number were killed, and the last descendant of the royal Belkan family is in danger of assassination (as if they could, the Armor of the Saint King makes her invincible).

Now, the story begins with one learned man searching for the truth ... Yuuno Scrya, with his lifelong partner Nanoha Takamachi.

History is about to be remade ...



*flees*

==========

Originally Posted by Kyral

W00t! Stuff posting time!!

It's been a while!


First things first!

Thanks to the nice people of the Image Thread I was finally able to change the TSAB Logo on Rinya's ID Card to the AAS one.

Spoiler for Rinya's new ID Card:

I already replaced it in her profile.

I'm also glad I decided to take a break from my main story (I pretty much stuck) and wrote something for my Dark Setting.

Spoiler for 'Chapter' 3:

-snip-

It's the longest Dark Setting Chapter so far.

Thanks to Keroko and Xgouki for letting me use thier OCs!
I hope I got them right.
Sorry if not! I'm unworthy!


And we have another picture!

I always wanted to draw something for my Dark Future Setting and I decided on a name for it and wanted to make some kind of 'Poster'.

Thanks again to Keroko and Xgouki who gave thier input for the fanpictures I draw of thier OCs. (Yes guys I finally finished it!)

So here it is:
Showing both main heros and all Dark Generals! :3

Spoiler for Dark Future Poster:

This is serious stuff, a dark future where Nanoha is lost, Vivio is battling against foes who are previous allies, and new characters rallying behind her. EPIC!

And don't tell me Hel is ... HAYATE?! Gosh, this is heart-gripping, Kyral, you need to write faster!

Rinya's ID and the little poster are EPIC pics in their own right! Great work, wish I have this photoshopping ability.

Just a little bit, though. I remember the last entry you written was about Elric wanting to apologize to Rinya, now how did this crop up so suddenly? Time jump?

Originally Posted by Kyral

Wait!
I thought they died!? But they never have!?
You played with my innocent heart! ;.;
(ok... and that's from the guy who killed nanoha off screen >.> )

Sorry, but I just have to do it.

And ... who killed Nanoha offscreen?

Oh, you ...

BASTARD!

Originally Posted by Kyral

Ah... that's what I call a fun read

Thank you, I appreciate your reading it. Hopefully, it's not too tiresome for the eyes.

Originally Posted by Kyral

Sadly two things cought my eye...
*drops a big, ancient and ornamented on the table and opens it.*

Spoiler for Belka Buster:

Frieren Fesseln (Frozen Shackles)!

Ah... while your translation is correct in a way. Frieren is something like "feeling cold" if you say "ich friere" it means pretty much "I feel cold".
But if you want to use it for an object... like frozen water... you use "gefrohren"
"Gefrohrene Fesseln" would be perfect!

<Warnung, Herrin. Feind kommend (Warning, Mistress. Enemy approaching).>

Ah yes... I feel like back in A's hearing: "Gegenstand kommt nah." (wich was translated with "approaching Target", but in reality means "object comming closer")

I would suggest: "Feind nähert sich.

Ah, Master Belka Scriptor, you're an absolute savior!

I literally filched Wyrd's warning from dictionary, I'll edit that, thanks!

Frozen Shackles, however, come from manga translation, so I'll just leave it be. Thanks for the pointers, though!

Originally Posted by Kyral

After I remade Rinya's ID Cardm I had the idea to make some improvements to Elric.

I replaced the two pictures of his Device in Range Mode and Sealed Mode with a single picture, like I did with Rinya's Device.

Spoiler for Carnage:

I also added two new pictures to help visualize some details of my character.

Spoiler for Other:

The armoured segments of the fingers are claw like, but can be retracted to allow manipulation of objects without scratching or piercing them.


Elric bandages his forearm to hide Carnages veins.

And I must say, this picture I found in the Image Thread pretty much fits my Dark Future Setting :3




This is GAWD!!

AWESOME PICTURES! And you drew them yourself too ... MADNESS!

==========

Originally Posted by Kha

Exprozion! A captivating read as always. I was expecting infernals, but a good old rain of rock works just fine for the occasion. It even took out the ley node the base was sitting on.

I grinned at the idea that a Sunstrider has survived to this day. :3

The plot thickens, and you're nowhere done. To the next scene!

Rain of rock? Ley node?

You always find holes to insert the least amount of your brand into it, ne? Not that I mind.

And I guess you found the reference for Sunstrider.

Originally Posted by Kha

Yup AOE breaks stealth. And nice theme there; certainly fit the mood. :3



Once again, another amazing episode of great Justice! All that magic really tore the arena to shreds.

And while it was gratuitiously over the top, given the nature of things they were up against, I expected no less.

This further reinforces the theory that TSAB is frankly, not much of a administrator of Time Space as a whole. Not enough power density to able to exert control.

I've been wanting to use the theme for quite some time now.

And thanks!

The place is literally a wasteland already, so more damage wouldn't matter much.

==========

I think I miss a few along the way, going through 200+ pages isn't exactly easy. Sorry about that. Do give me a nudge if I accidentally miss them.

Now, let me disappear somewhere and meditate to regain my lost energy ...

*faints*