Nanoha FanFiction Discussion

[RadiantBeam]

Originally Posted by deathcurse

You shouldn't tell me that!

Well, now you know.

My response to this challenge:

Spoiler for Courage to Speak:

Courage to Speak

“Cinque, I…” Vivio blushed, her cheeks turning as red as her left eye. She scuffed the toe of her nice leather shoe on the ground, adding another scratch on its beaten surface. “Um…I have something I need to say to you…”

Cinque blinked, scratching at her eyepatch absently. “Sure, Vivio. What do you need to tell me?”

“It’s…actually more of a…” Vivio’s voice fell softer and softer until she was barely audible as she mumbled, “…a confession…”

“…Okay…”

“I mean, I wasn’t going to say anything, but it’s been weighing on my mind, and I just can’t keep quiet about it.” A determined, very Nanoha-esque expression filled Vivio’s countenance as she straightened, lifting her chin as the blonde took a deep breath.

“I was the one who spilled orange juice on your favourite duster!”

Cinque stared, speechless.

“I’m sorry, but it’s your duster, you know—everyone wanted to wear it at least once! And I really didn’t see that glass on the counter when I did the cool swish with the coattails, and…Cinque? Why are you…Are those your knives? W-Wait, we can talk about this!!!”

Spoiler for Author's Note:

It's a confession!

Hehehehe. It's a good thing I wasn't drinking anything when I read this, because I laughed so hard it would have come back up.

[DezoPenguin]

Originally Posted by deathcurse

Yes, I think so too!

(So am I, actually XD. I never button up my jacket sleeves because I keep scrunching them up all the time.)



You shouldn't tell me that!



My response to this challenge:

Spoiler for Courage to Speak:

Courage to Speak

“Cinque, I…” Vivio blushed, her cheeks turning as red as her left eye. She scuffed the toe of her nice leather shoe on the ground, adding another scratch on its beaten surface. “Um…I have something I need to say to you…”

Cinque blinked, scratching at her eyepatch absently. “Sure, Vivio. What do you need to tell me?”

“It’s…actually more of a…” Vivio’s voice fell softer and softer until she was barely audible as she mumbled, “…a confession…”

“…Okay…”

“I mean, I wasn’t going to say anything, but it’s been weighing on my mind, and I just can’t keep quiet about it.” A determined, very Nanoha-esque expression filled Vivio’s countenance as she straightened, lifting her chin as the blonde took a deep breath.

“I was the one who spilled orange juice on your favourite duster!”

Cinque stared, speechless.

“I’m sorry, but it’s your duster, you know—everyone wanted to wear it at least once! And I really didn’t see that glass on the counter when I did the cool swish with the coattails, and…Cinque? Why are you…Are those your knives? W-Wait, we can talk about this!!!”

Spoiler for Author's Note:

It's a confession!

Originally Posted by shiroi mahotsukai

Well, here goes. My first challenge response.

Spoiler for I Didn't See That Coming:

“Huh? I’m sorry but could you repeat that please?”

“Cinque-san, will you tell me why?” Vivio’s brow was furrowed with determination as she stared at the fifth Combat Cyborg

“Why what exactly, Vivio?” if you looked closely you could almost see the little question mark floating around Cinque’s head as she tilted it slightly to one side.

“Why you joined the Nakajima family?”

“Most of my younger sisters went either there or to join the Church. I never thought Church life would suit someone like me very well but I couldn’t bear to leave my sisters.”

“Cinque-san, that’s… that’s really admirable.” Vivio’s face was almost, but not quite, luminescent as she looked up at the slightly taller girl. “Y-you know, this is… this is probably a good time to say this s-so here goes.” Vivio took a deep breath and the next words came in a rush, as though fighting to get out. “I’ve always thought that you were really admirable Cinque-san.”

“Thank you?” Cinque looked confused, her one visible eye darting around the small room constantly, deliberately avoiding making eye-contact.

“So you see, I-I wanted to say this now, while we’re alone, really alone.” Another deep breath, “I like you Cinque-san, I’ve liked you for a long time now.” Face flaming Vivio turned away looking for the entire world as though she were terrified of the Cyborg’s answer.

But no answer came.

Vivio waited,

And waited,

But still nothing, steeling her resolve Vivio chanced a glance over her shoulder – and stared. Her eyes staring wide the Combat Cyborg Cinque lay on the floor of the room out stone cold.

“Brilliant Vivio-chan, brilliant.” A voice boomed from the entryway.

“Was that sort of what you were expecting, Hayate-san, Sein-san?”

“Yes, yes! And the best part, I got it all on video!”

Spoiler for Author's Notes:

You can't trust them... any of them.

Originally Posted by Nanya01

Well, here's my entry into the challenge.

Spoiler for The Breakup:

Vivio blinked as Cinque looked at her. "Um, yes?"

"I'm sorry, Vivio. We just can't do this anymore."

Vivio gasped as she looked at the cyborg. "Bu... But... We always do this!" Her eyes teared up as Cinque shook her head. "Bu... But, why?"

"I'm sorry, but it's just not working out."

"Is it because I'm so young?" Vivio sniffled softly.

"That's... Part of it." Cinque nodded slowly. "But, it's mostly because I'm going to be gone for a few months on deployment."

"Then..." Vivio sniffled as her eyes teared up.

"Yes. No more Super Soaker battles."

Spoiler for Comments:

What?

Originally Posted by sniperk

My 2 Cents then.

Spoiler for Miss:

"I like you." The Hegemon descendant pronounced to the mismatched eyed girl in front of her. Seeing that no response came, she smiled wryly and turned her back walked away from younger girl, turning around the corner.

When the little blonde saw the other's back turning the corner after that confession, she just ran with all her might and, upon turning the corner, closed her eyes and screamed at the top of her lungs. "I LIKE YOU TOO!!!"

The silverhaired girl's single non-eyepatched eye widened when the little blonde appeared out of nowhere in front of her and shouted that phrase. "Hmm... Vi-" She tried being cut out by the younger Takamachi.

"I'm very sorry for not saying anything back there, but I was just so happy that my mind simply went blank. I had to answer it today otherwise it would be meaningless after the tournament and I can't bear the thought of going on with this without ever knowing if the true meaning behind the words you said to me are really what they meant or if I'm going bananas, so I want to accept..."

She was startled when she felt a hand on her shoulder. Looking up she saw a different person than she was expecting. "Cinque...?" She realized what she had just said that the person she was talking to wasn't who she thought she was.

And that the target of her outburst was walking away even faster now. Cinque simply watched as Vivio dashed after her, not too sure of what just happened.

Spoiler for Author Note:

Erm... No eggs or tomatoes, please.

*snerk* These were all great, guys!

[00-Raiser]

Well, here's something for the handful of people who don't have me on their ignore list

And no, it's not about Zafira

Spoiler for Papa Wolf:

“So then he says ‘That’s no moon… that’s my wife!’”

The Takamachi living room was filled with good cheer as Shiro, Momoko, Nanoha, and Yuuno drank tea, ate snacks and chatted pleasantly. It was rare for Nanoha to visit home anymore and even rarer that Yuuno came too. Even though he was a ferret at the time he had spent some of his childhood there so the door was always open to him.

“Oh my, it seems we’ve run out of snacks.” Momoko said as she rose. “I’ll get some more.”

“I’ll help too!” Nanoha sprung out of her seat. While following her mother out of the room she gave Yuuno a wink.

Yuuno gulped and turned to Shiro. “Um… Mr. Takamachi…”

“Yuuno, I keep telling you to call me Shiro.” He smiled. “You’re practically family so there’s no need to be so formal.”

“Okay then, Shiro.” Yuuno tugged at his collar. “I need to ask something of you.”

“If it’s something I can do, ask away.”

Yuuno took a deep breath before placing his hands on his knees, elbows out at 90 degree angles. He then bent forward until his chest met his thighs. Assuming the position he had been told to he said “Please let me go out with your daughter!”

If Yuuno had been looking he’d have seen all the humour drain from Shiro’s face and be replaced by a cold stare.

“I see.” Shiro said before rising. “Come with me.”

Yuuno hesitantly followed Shiro outside to the Takamachi’s dojo. When he entered he clumsily caught the wooden sword that was thrown at him.

“I’m sure you understand the severity of your words.” Shiro said flatly as he assumed a ready stance with his own sword. “I must make sure you didn’t utter them lightly.”

“I understand.” Yuuno mimicked the other man’s stance the best he could.

“Since my daughter is on the line here I can’t afford to hold back.”

“I-I understand.”

“And while I may have retired and gotten a bit rusty that doesn’t mean I can’t seriously hurt you. You know about my past.”

“I know.” Yuuno tried his best to keep his hands steady.

“And you still want to go through with this? Now’s your last chance to back out.”

Yuuno didn’t move.

“Okay then. I warned you.” Shiro disappeared in a flash, reappearing just as quickly in front of Yuuno with his sword raised high.

To Yuuno it felt like the strike was coming at a snail’s pace however when he tried to move to block his arms felt like they had elephants attached to them. All he managed to do was close his eyes and brace for the pain.

But the pain never came. Yuuno risked opening an eye and saw Shiro’s sword held a hair’s width away from his face.

“Well done, Yuuno.” Shiro relaxed his stance and smiled. “You passed.”

“I did?” Yuuno blinked.

“You have my blessing.” Shiro gave him a powerful slap to the back. “Honey, let’s bake a cake to celebrate!”

“A wonderful idea.” Momoko entered. “I’m glad I don’t need t clean urine off the floor again.”

The married couple left and Nanoha ran to Yuuno and hugged him.

“You did it, Yuuno-kun!”

“Yeah… I guess…” Yuuno sighed and fell to his knees. “Your dad can be really scary.”

“I know.” Nanoha giggled. “Why do you think my sister has always been single until now?”

I'd like some opinions on the ending

Spoiler for you see...:

Initially it was going to be straight up Yuunoha. I had the final line already picked out as "Why do you think my sister has always been single?" but while writing the "Let me go out with your daughter part" it hit me that if I add "until now" to the final line it would be he wanted to go out with Miyuki. I went with it here because it adds more of a twist.

Should I keep it as is or make it so he wants to date Nanoha?

[NTFTH]

Originally Posted by 00-Raiser

Well, here's something for the handful of people who don't have me on their ignore list

And no, it's not about Zafira

Spoiler for Papa Wolf:

“So then he says ‘That’s no moon… that’s my wife!’”

The Takamachi living room was filled with good cheer as Shiro, Momoko, Nanoha, and Yuuno drank tea, ate snacks and chatted pleasantly. It was rare for Nanoha to visit home anymore and even rarer that Yuuno came too. Even though he was a ferret at the time he had spent some of his childhood there so the door was always open to him.

“Oh my, it seems we’ve run out of snacks.” Momoko said as she rose. “I’ll get some more.”

“I’ll help too!” Nanoha sprung out of her seat. While following her mother out of the room she gave Yuuno a wink.

Yuuno gulped and turned to Shiro. “Um… Mr. Takamachi…”

“Yuuno, I keep telling you to call me Shiro.” He smiled. “You’re practically family so there’s no need to be so formal.”

“Okay then, Shiro.” Yuuno tugged at his collar. “I need to ask something of you.”

“If it’s something I can do, ask away.”

Yuuno took a deep breath before placing his hands on his knees, elbows out at 90 degree angles. He then bent forward until his chest met his thighs. Assuming the position he had been told to he said “Please let me go out with your daughter!”

If Yuuno had been looking he’d have seen all the humour drain from Shiro’s face and be replaced by a cold stare.

“I see.” Shiro said before rising. “Come with me.”

Yuuno hesitantly followed Shiro outside to the Takamachi’s dojo. When he entered he clumsily caught the wooden sword that was thrown at him.

“I’m sure you understand the severity of your words.” Shiro said flatly as he assumed a ready stance with his own sword. “I must make sure you didn’t utter them lightly.”

“I understand.” Yuuno mimicked the other man’s stance the best he could.

“Since my daughter is on the line here I can’t afford to hold back.”

“I-I understand.”

“And while I may have retired and gotten a bit rusty that doesn’t mean I can’t seriously hurt you. You know about my past.”

“I know.” Yuuno tried his best to keep his hands steady.

“And you still want to go through with this? Now’s your last chance to back out.”

Yuuno didn’t move.

“Okay then. I warned you.” Shiro disappeared in a flash, reappearing just as quickly in front of Yuuno with his sword raised high.

To Yuuno it felt like the strike was coming at a snail’s pace however when he tried to move to block his arms felt like they had elephants attached to them. All he managed to do was close his eyes and brace for the pain.

But the pain never came. Yuuno risked opening an eye and saw Shiro’s sword held a hair’s width away from his face.

“Well done, Yuuno.” Shiro relaxed his stance and smiled. “You passed.”

“I did?” Yuuno blinked.

“You have my blessing.” Shiro gave him a powerful slap to the back. “Honey, let’s bake a cake to celebrate!”

“A wonderful idea.” Momoko entered. “I’m glad I don’t need t clean urine off the floor again.”

The married couple left and Nanoha ran to Yuuno and hugged him.

“You did it, Yuuno-kun!”

“Yeah… I guess…” Yuuno sighed and fell to his knees. “Your dad can be really scary.”

“I know.” Nanoha giggled. “Why do you think my sister has always been single until now?”

I'd like some opinions on the ending

Spoiler for you see...:

Initially it was going to be straight up Yuunoha. I had the final line already picked out as "Why do you think my sister has always been single?" but while writing the "Let me go out with your daughter part" it hit me that if I add "until now" to the final line it would be he wanted to go out with Miyuki. I went with it here because it adds more of a twist.

Should I keep it as is or make it so he wants to date Nanoha?

Keep it as is.

[Yasanagi]

Nice twist there, Raiser.

[Nanya01]

Originally Posted by 00-Raiser

Well, here's something for the handful of people who don't have me on their ignore list

And no, it's not about Zafira

Spoiler for Papa Wolf:

“So then he says ‘That’s no moon… that’s my wife!’”

The Takamachi living room was filled with good cheer as Shiro, Momoko, Nanoha, and Yuuno drank tea, ate snacks and chatted pleasantly. It was rare for Nanoha to visit home anymore and even rarer that Yuuno came too. Even though he was a ferret at the time he had spent some of his childhood there so the door was always open to him.

“Oh my, it seems we’ve run out of snacks.” Momoko said as she rose. “I’ll get some more.”

“I’ll help too!” Nanoha sprung out of her seat. While following her mother out of the room she gave Yuuno a wink.

Yuuno gulped and turned to Shiro. “Um… Mr. Takamachi…”

“Yuuno, I keep telling you to call me Shiro.” He smiled. “You’re practically family so there’s no need to be so formal.”

“Okay then, Shiro.” Yuuno tugged at his collar. “I need to ask something of you.”

“If it’s something I can do, ask away.”

Yuuno took a deep breath before placing his hands on his knees, elbows out at 90 degree angles. He then bent forward until his chest met his thighs. Assuming the position he had been told to he said “Please let me go out with your daughter!”

If Yuuno had been looking he’d have seen all the humour drain from Shiro’s face and be replaced by a cold stare.

“I see.” Shiro said before rising. “Come with me.”

Yuuno hesitantly followed Shiro outside to the Takamachi’s dojo. When he entered he clumsily caught the wooden sword that was thrown at him.

“I’m sure you understand the severity of your words.” Shiro said flatly as he assumed a ready stance with his own sword. “I must make sure you didn’t utter them lightly.”

“I understand.” Yuuno mimicked the other man’s stance the best he could.

“Since my daughter is on the line here I can’t afford to hold back.”

“I-I understand.”

“And while I may have retired and gotten a bit rusty that doesn’t mean I can’t seriously hurt you. You know about my past.”

“I know.” Yuuno tried his best to keep his hands steady.

“And you still want to go through with this? Now’s your last chance to back out.”

Yuuno didn’t move.

“Okay then. I warned you.” Shiro disappeared in a flash, reappearing just as quickly in front of Yuuno with his sword raised high.

To Yuuno it felt like the strike was coming at a snail’s pace however when he tried to move to block his arms felt like they had elephants attached to them. All he managed to do was close his eyes and brace for the pain.

But the pain never came. Yuuno risked opening an eye and saw Shiro’s sword held a hair’s width away from his face.

“Well done, Yuuno.” Shiro relaxed his stance and smiled. “You passed.”

“I did?” Yuuno blinked.

“You have my blessing.” Shiro gave him a powerful slap to the back. “Honey, let’s bake a cake to celebrate!”

“A wonderful idea.” Momoko entered. “I’m glad I don’t need t clean urine off the floor again.”

The married couple left and Nanoha ran to Yuuno and hugged him.

“You did it, Yuuno-kun!”

“Yeah… I guess…” Yuuno sighed and fell to his knees. “Your dad can be really scary.”

“I know.” Nanoha giggled. “Why do you think my sister has always been single until now?”

I'd like some opinions on the ending

Spoiler for you see...:

Initially it was going to be straight up Yuunoha. I had the final line already picked out as "Why do you think my sister has always been single?" but while writing the "Let me go out with your daughter part" it hit me that if I add "until now" to the final line it would be he wanted to go out with Miyuki. I went with it here because it adds more of a twist.

Should I keep it as is or make it so he wants to date Nanoha?

I like it as it. *nods*

It was a nice twist. I didn't see it coming. so, keep it.

[sniperk]

It's interesting if you left it as is, but since, for most people, it'll fly over their heads about who Yuuno could be talking about, it would be an almost straight pairing fic. (I for one, didn't realize you could twist it, even using the last line)

Yep, I'm shallow, so what?

[Kuroi Hadou]

Originally Posted by 00-Raiser

Well, here's something for the handful of people who don't have me on their ignore list

And no, it's not about Zafira

Spoiler for Papa Wolf:

“So then he says ‘That’s no moon… that’s my wife!’”

The Takamachi living room was filled with good cheer as Shiro, Momoko, Nanoha, and Yuuno drank tea, ate snacks and chatted pleasantly. It was rare for Nanoha to visit home anymore and even rarer that Yuuno came too. Even though he was a ferret at the time he had spent some of his childhood there so the door was always open to him.

“Oh my, it seems we’ve run out of snacks.” Momoko said as she rose. “I’ll get some more.”

“I’ll help too!” Nanoha sprung out of her seat. While following her mother out of the room she gave Yuuno a wink.

Yuuno gulped and turned to Shiro. “Um… Mr. Takamachi…”

“Yuuno, I keep telling you to call me Shiro.” He smiled. “You’re practically family so there’s no need to be so formal.”

“Okay then, Shiro.” Yuuno tugged at his collar. “I need to ask something of you.”

“If it’s something I can do, ask away.”

Yuuno took a deep breath before placing his hands on his knees, elbows out at 90 degree angles. He then bent forward until his chest met his thighs. Assuming the position he had been told to he said “Please let me go out with your daughter!”

If Yuuno had been looking he’d have seen all the humour drain from Shiro’s face and be replaced by a cold stare.

“I see.” Shiro said before rising. “Come with me.”

Yuuno hesitantly followed Shiro outside to the Takamachi’s dojo. When he entered he clumsily caught the wooden sword that was thrown at him.

“I’m sure you understand the severity of your words.” Shiro said flatly as he assumed a ready stance with his own sword. “I must make sure you didn’t utter them lightly.”

“I understand.” Yuuno mimicked the other man’s stance the best he could.

“Since my daughter is on the line here I can’t afford to hold back.”

“I-I understand.”

“And while I may have retired and gotten a bit rusty that doesn’t mean I can’t seriously hurt you. You know about my past.”

“I know.” Yuuno tried his best to keep his hands steady.

“And you still want to go through with this? Now’s your last chance to back out.”

Yuuno didn’t move.

“Okay then. I warned you.” Shiro disappeared in a flash, reappearing just as quickly in front of Yuuno with his sword raised high.

To Yuuno it felt like the strike was coming at a snail’s pace however when he tried to move to block his arms felt like they had elephants attached to them. All he managed to do was close his eyes and brace for the pain.

But the pain never came. Yuuno risked opening an eye and saw Shiro’s sword held a hair’s width away from his face.

“Well done, Yuuno.” Shiro relaxed his stance and smiled. “You passed.”

“I did?” Yuuno blinked.

“You have my blessing.” Shiro gave him a powerful slap to the back. “Honey, let’s bake a cake to celebrate!”

“A wonderful idea.” Momoko entered. “I’m glad I don’t need t clean urine off the floor again.”

The married couple left and Nanoha ran to Yuuno and hugged him.

“You did it, Yuuno-kun!”

“Yeah… I guess…” Yuuno sighed and fell to his knees. “Your dad can be really scary.”

“I know.” Nanoha giggled. “Why do you think my sister has always been single until now?”

I'd like some opinions on the ending

Spoiler for you see...:

Initially it was going to be straight up Yuunoha. I had the final line already picked out as "Why do you think my sister has always been single?" but while writing the "Let me go out with your daughter part" it hit me that if I add "until now" to the final line it would be he wanted to go out with Miyuki. I went with it here because it adds more of a twist.

Should I keep it as is or make it so he wants to date Nanoha?

Keep it as is, definitely.

[blissfullyunaware]

Originally Posted by 00-Raiser

Well, here's something for the handful of people who don't have me on their ignore list

And no, it's not about Zafira

Spoiler for Papa Wolf:

“So then he says ‘That’s no moon… that’s my wife!’”

The Takamachi living room was filled with good cheer as Shiro, Momoko, Nanoha, and Yuuno drank tea, ate snacks and chatted pleasantly. It was rare for Nanoha to visit home anymore and even rarer that Yuuno came too. Even though he was a ferret at the time he had spent some of his childhood there so the door was always open to him.

“Oh my, it seems we’ve run out of snacks.” Momoko said as she rose. “I’ll get some more.”

“I’ll help too!” Nanoha sprung out of her seat. While following her mother out of the room she gave Yuuno a wink.

Yuuno gulped and turned to Shiro. “Um… Mr. Takamachi…”

“Yuuno, I keep telling you to call me Shiro.” He smiled. “You’re practically family so there’s no need to be so formal.”

“Okay then, Shiro.” Yuuno tugged at his collar. “I need to ask something of you.”

“If it’s something I can do, ask away.”

Yuuno took a deep breath before placing his hands on his knees, elbows out at 90 degree angles. He then bent forward until his chest met his thighs. Assuming the position he had been told to he said “Please let me go out with your daughter!”

If Yuuno had been looking he’d have seen all the humour drain from Shiro’s face and be replaced by a cold stare.

“I see.” Shiro said before rising. “Come with me.”

Yuuno hesitantly followed Shiro outside to the Takamachi’s dojo. When he entered he clumsily caught the wooden sword that was thrown at him.

“I’m sure you understand the severity of your words.” Shiro said flatly as he assumed a ready stance with his own sword. “I must make sure you didn’t utter them lightly.”

“I understand.” Yuuno mimicked the other man’s stance the best he could.

“Since my daughter is on the line here I can’t afford to hold back.”

“I-I understand.”

“And while I may have retired and gotten a bit rusty that doesn’t mean I can’t seriously hurt you. You know about my past.”

“I know.” Yuuno tried his best to keep his hands steady.

“And you still want to go through with this? Now’s your last chance to back out.”

Yuuno didn’t move.

“Okay then. I warned you.” Shiro disappeared in a flash, reappearing just as quickly in front of Yuuno with his sword raised high.

To Yuuno it felt like the strike was coming at a snail’s pace however when he tried to move to block his arms felt like they had elephants attached to them. All he managed to do was close his eyes and brace for the pain.

But the pain never came. Yuuno risked opening an eye and saw Shiro’s sword held a hair’s width away from his face.

“Well done, Yuuno.” Shiro relaxed his stance and smiled. “You passed.”

“I did?” Yuuno blinked.

“You have my blessing.” Shiro gave him a powerful slap to the back. “Honey, let’s bake a cake to celebrate!”

“A wonderful idea.” Momoko entered. “I’m glad I don’t need t clean urine off the floor again.”

The married couple left and Nanoha ran to Yuuno and hugged him.

“You did it, Yuuno-kun!”

“Yeah… I guess…” Yuuno sighed and fell to his knees. “Your dad can be really scary.”

“I know.” Nanoha giggled. “Why do you think my sister has always been single until now?”

I'd like some opinions on the ending

Spoiler for you see...:

Initially it was going to be straight up Yuunoha. I had the final line already picked out as "Why do you think my sister has always been single?" but while writing the "Let me go out with your daughter part" it hit me that if I add "until now" to the final line it would be he wanted to go out with Miyuki. I went with it here because it adds more of a twist.

Should I keep it as is or make it so he wants to date Nanoha?

I liked it as is. It is always nice to see her get some love too.

[RadiantBeam]

Originally Posted by DezoPenguin

*snerk* These were all great, guys!

We should do these challenges more often, they seem to get a huge reaction.

[Kuroi Hadou]

Originally Posted by RadiantBeam

We should do these challenges more often, they seem to get a huge reaction.

I think it's because they're one shots that don't require any prior reading to understand what's going on. And the stories are relatively new in terms of content.

[RadiantBeam]

Originally Posted by Kuroi Hadou

I think it's because they're one shots that don't require any prior reading to understand what's going on. And the stories are relatively new in terms of content.

Hence, more challenges will probably help keep the thread alive when some of us go quiet because we're busy or don't feel like writing.

[Kuroi Hadou]

Originally Posted by RadiantBeam

Hence, more challenges will probably help keep the thread alive when some of us go quiet because we're busy or don't feel like writing.

Is that an invitation?

[RadiantBeam]

Originally Posted by Kuroi Hadou

Is that an invitation?

No. I have two challenges to already handle, and the deadline for one is fast approaching.

[00-Raiser]

Looks like I'm keeping it as is. Thanks.

[MaxwellDemon]

Originally Posted by 00-Raiser

Well, here's something for the handful of people who don't have me on their ignore list

And no, it's not about Zafira

Spoiler for Papa Wolf:

“So then he says ‘That’s no moon… that’s my wife!’”

The Takamachi living room was filled with good cheer as Shiro, Momoko, Nanoha, and Yuuno drank tea, ate snacks and chatted pleasantly. It was rare for Nanoha to visit home anymore and even rarer that Yuuno came too. Even though he was a ferret at the time he had spent some of his childhood there so the door was always open to him.

“Oh my, it seems we’ve run out of snacks.” Momoko said as she rose. “I’ll get some more.”

“I’ll help too!” Nanoha sprung out of her seat. While following her mother out of the room she gave Yuuno a wink.

Yuuno gulped and turned to Shiro. “Um… Mr. Takamachi…”

“Yuuno, I keep telling you to call me Shiro.” He smiled. “You’re practically family so there’s no need to be so formal.”

“Okay then, Shiro.” Yuuno tugged at his collar. “I need to ask something of you.”

“If it’s something I can do, ask away.”

Yuuno took a deep breath before placing his hands on his knees, elbows out at 90 degree angles. He then bent forward until his chest met his thighs. Assuming the position he had been told to he said “Please let me go out with your daughter!”

If Yuuno had been looking he’d have seen all the humour drain from Shiro’s face and be replaced by a cold stare.

“I see.” Shiro said before rising. “Come with me.”

Yuuno hesitantly followed Shiro outside to the Takamachi’s dojo. When he entered he clumsily caught the wooden sword that was thrown at him.

“I’m sure you understand the severity of your words.” Shiro said flatly as he assumed a ready stance with his own sword. “I must make sure you didn’t utter them lightly.”

“I understand.” Yuuno mimicked the other man’s stance the best he could.

“Since my daughter is on the line here I can’t afford to hold back.”

“I-I understand.”

“And while I may have retired and gotten a bit rusty that doesn’t mean I can’t seriously hurt you. You know about my past.”

“I know.” Yuuno tried his best to keep his hands steady.

“And you still want to go through with this? Now’s your last chance to back out.”

Yuuno didn’t move.

“Okay then. I warned you.” Shiro disappeared in a flash, reappearing just as quickly in front of Yuuno with his sword raised high.

To Yuuno it felt like the strike was coming at a snail’s pace however when he tried to move to block his arms felt like they had elephants attached to them. All he managed to do was close his eyes and brace for the pain.

But the pain never came. Yuuno risked opening an eye and saw Shiro’s sword held a hair’s width away from his face.

“Well done, Yuuno.” Shiro relaxed his stance and smiled. “You passed.”

“I did?” Yuuno blinked.

“You have my blessing.” Shiro gave him a powerful slap to the back. “Honey, let’s bake a cake to celebrate!”

“A wonderful idea.” Momoko entered. “I’m glad I don’t need t clean urine off the floor again.”

The married couple left and Nanoha ran to Yuuno and hugged him.

“You did it, Yuuno-kun!”

“Yeah… I guess…” Yuuno sighed and fell to his knees. “Your dad can be really scary.”

“I know.” Nanoha giggled. “Why do you think my sister has always been single until now?”

I'd like some opinions on the ending

Spoiler for you see...:

Initially it was going to be straight up Yuunoha. I had the final line already picked out as "Why do you think my sister has always been single?" but while writing the "Let me go out with your daughter part" it hit me that if I add "until now" to the final line it would be he wanted to go out with Miyuki. I went with it here because it adds more of a twist.

Should I keep it as is or make it so he wants to date Nanoha?

I actually thought it was Yunnoha until I read the author's note.

Great twist though when I did realize it, I was left going, "Huh? Hey? What?"

[deathcurse]

Popping in to say, I've edited Chapter 2 of "Prerogative of the Brave" to address some of the issues that people have brought up about it .

The new version should hopefully better convey Hayate's motivations, and make Nanoha and Fate's reactions more realistic and not mis-interpreted into things that I did not intend .

Tons of thanks to Dezo for helping me with the editing!

[shiroi mahotsukai]

Originally Posted by 00-Raiser

Well, here's something for the handful of people who don't have me on their ignore list

And no, it's not about Zafira

Spoiler for Papa Wolf:

“So then he says ‘That’s no moon… that’s my wife!’”

The Takamachi living room was filled with good cheer as Shiro, Momoko, Nanoha, and Yuuno drank tea, ate snacks and chatted pleasantly. It was rare for Nanoha to visit home anymore and even rarer that Yuuno came too. Even though he was a ferret at the time he had spent some of his childhood there so the door was always open to him.

“Oh my, it seems we’ve run out of snacks.” Momoko said as she rose. “I’ll get some more.”

“I’ll help too!” Nanoha sprung out of her seat. While following her mother out of the room she gave Yuuno a wink.

Yuuno gulped and turned to Shiro. “Um… Mr. Takamachi…”

“Yuuno, I keep telling you to call me Shiro.” He smiled. “You’re practically family so there’s no need to be so formal.”

“Okay then, Shiro.” Yuuno tugged at his collar. “I need to ask something of you.”

“If it’s something I can do, ask away.”

Yuuno took a deep breath before placing his hands on his knees, elbows out at 90 degree angles. He then bent forward until his chest met his thighs. Assuming the position he had been told to he said “Please let me go out with your daughter!”

If Yuuno had been looking he’d have seen all the humour drain from Shiro’s face and be replaced by a cold stare.

“I see.” Shiro said before rising. “Come with me.”

Yuuno hesitantly followed Shiro outside to the Takamachi’s dojo. When he entered he clumsily caught the wooden sword that was thrown at him.

“I’m sure you understand the severity of your words.” Shiro said flatly as he assumed a ready stance with his own sword. “I must make sure you didn’t utter them lightly.”

“I understand.” Yuuno mimicked the other man’s stance the best he could.

“Since my daughter is on the line here I can’t afford to hold back.”

“I-I understand.”

“And while I may have retired and gotten a bit rusty that doesn’t mean I can’t seriously hurt you. You know about my past.”

“I know.” Yuuno tried his best to keep his hands steady.

“And you still want to go through with this? Now’s your last chance to back out.”

Yuuno didn’t move.

“Okay then. I warned you.” Shiro disappeared in a flash, reappearing just as quickly in front of Yuuno with his sword raised high.

To Yuuno it felt like the strike was coming at a snail’s pace however when he tried to move to block his arms felt like they had elephants attached to them. All he managed to do was close his eyes and brace for the pain.

But the pain never came. Yuuno risked opening an eye and saw Shiro’s sword held a hair’s width away from his face.

“Well done, Yuuno.” Shiro relaxed his stance and smiled. “You passed.”

“I did?” Yuuno blinked.

“You have my blessing.” Shiro gave him a powerful slap to the back. “Honey, let’s bake a cake to celebrate!”

“A wonderful idea.” Momoko entered. “I’m glad I don’t need t clean urine off the floor again.”

The married couple left and Nanoha ran to Yuuno and hugged him.

“You did it, Yuuno-kun!”

“Yeah… I guess…” Yuuno sighed and fell to his knees. “Your dad can be really scary.”

“I know.” Nanoha giggled. “Why do you think my sister has always been single until now?”

I'd like some opinions on the ending

Spoiler for you see...:

Initially it was going to be straight up Yuunoha. I had the final line already picked out as "Why do you think my sister has always been single?" but while writing the "Let me go out with your daughter part" it hit me that if I add "until now" to the final line it would be he wanted to go out with Miyuki. I went with it here because it adds more of a twist.

Should I keep it as is or make it so he wants to date Nanoha?

A good twist on that there, didn't see it coming until the last line and even then it was ambiguous at best. That lent it a very nice dualitiy of meaning and it wiould be interesting to see how more people react to that kind of thing.

[Nijiru]

Well, I'm back to lurking, having enough free time to do so again. Read the past couple dozen pages of content and caught up on some of the new stuff people have tossed up. Just happy to be back.

@Raiser: I say leave it as is, because the ending can be read either way, as you never actually say who Yuuno is going after. I read Nanoha's remark at the end to mean that Shiro has done this to every one of his daughters' suitors. Either way, I like it.

[Nanya01]

Red

Yagami

Mid Start

Spoiler for Blood That Flows - Peak - Mid 2:

Elsewhere...

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Leti looked at the person with her.

"Yes. I was mostly useless then, and considering how I am now, I need a change in my life."

Leti just rolled her eyes as they pulled up to the front door. "Well, I'm glad that you wanted my help, but remember this, once you start, you can't stop just because you feel that you can't cut it."

"I figured as much." Leti shook her head at the answer.

"Listen, Luna, you left home and you won't even stay with your sister, are you really sure you want this?"

"No..." Luna admitted as she opened the door to the car. At least it was similar to a carriage and she had no real trouble opening it up.

Except that one time that the doors were locked and she was in the back seat. How was she supposed to know that the little button thing was used to keep the handles from moving fully?

Leti shook her head. "If you don't want to do it, you shouldn't. Because they aren't going to let you quit in a few months."

Luna nodded, she figured that. "From what Zest told me about this place, it would be a good place to learn some different magic."

Leti just shrugged as she led Luna into the building. "The only reason I'm doing this for you is because it's a favor to your sister."

Leti would never tell anyone that she felt responsible for Nanoha's injury, not to mention Hayate's condition. She made a mental note to go see her son as soon as she could. "Thank you." Luna nodded to her and Leti sighed.

"Listen, they're not too strict on too much here, but you'll have to be here for at least five years before you can consider leaving them."

Luna smirked softly as she grabbed the small bag of clothes that she had. "Let's just say... I'm in need of some serious training."

As she watched Luna walk away, Leti shook her head and wondered why Zest would mention a place like this. Oh, she had nothing against them, but it wasn't something that she would have chosen.

Besides, Leti figured she would look stupid in a Saint Church nun outfit.

Spoiler for Comments:

Peak means Sneak Peak. So, of course they won't be too long.

And, GAH! FINALLY! The heat wave broke! There's a nice strong wind keeping the humidity down. Still hot tho.

Besides, I wanted to show a few other characters as well in this.