Nanoha FanFiction Discussion

[Yasanagi]

Originally Posted by Craxuan

Sentence wording sounds weird, and I don't think Nanoha would take offense like that, even if you throw motherly instinct into the fray. Also, if you remember Nanoha always had doubts about her capability to take care of Vivio. There is no doubt she will fight, but perhaps you want to rethink this part a bit.



This is just nitpicking, but if this is Nanoha it's unlikely she didn't expect Kaiser to call out a challenge the moment 'security' got mentioned. At the very least, she wouldn't be surprised for the call.

Gonna keep this as a quick reply since I'm on lunch break at work...

First quote, I was under the impression that Nanoha had managed to come to terms about her ability to care for Vivio as a mother by the end of StrikerS. In subsequent materials, I haven't seen her doubting that decision. I will look at that sentence again and see what needs tuning though.

Second quote, I see your point. Will probably cut out that '... eh' line in the updated FF.Net draft.

[mega1987]

Originally Posted by Nanya01

Red

Peek's Mini-Arcs:

Yagami Mid Four Dwell

Takamachi Start

Spoiler for Blood That Flows - Peek - Takamachi 2:

As he turned off the communications on his device, Yuuno turned around and nearly ran into Fate and Erio. "Whoops, sorry."

She waved him off, she and Erio were wrapped in robes and carrying towels as they headed for the bath. "It's okay. So, what are you doing up so early?"

"Early?" Yuuno blinked and looked at the wall. "Fate, it's after seven." Looking back he wondered why Erio was giving him such a dirty look. "Anyway, I was talking to Arisa and my feet must have carried me out of my room to here." Unlike Fate or Nanoha, he never did get a cell phone. He was planning on it awhile ago, but Thoth could double as a cell phone if he needed to.

Fate nodded and blushed softly as she looked at his body, which only had a pair of pants on. "Are you going to get that scar on your face healed?"

Yuuno touched his cheek and ran his hands over the small grove marks on his face. Truth be told, he could barely feel it. "It's not that noticeable, is it?"

Fate shook her head. "Only if you get close. Though... Between the scars and your tattoos, you kind of look like some sort of bad dude."

"He is a bad dude." Erio said as he looked at Yuuno with slightly narrowed eyes while hugging Fate's legs.

Yuuno sweat-dropped at the look Erio was giving him while Fate just looked between the two in confusion. "I don't know what I did, but, I'm going to be taking off."

"Huh?" Fate blinked in confusion. "We were going to see Nanoha today. Don't you want to come with?"

Yuuno nodded at that. "Yeah, but my clan called, they want to see me again and asked for some help on a dig. Then something came up and I'm taking Arisa with me."

"Arisa?" Fate blinked in confusion. "Why her?"

"Don't worry about it, Fate, I..."

"Boss, shouldn't you get to getting ready? My scanners are picking up a ship nearing orbit."

Yuuno blinked, his eyes wide. "Gah! Sorry, Fate, I'll tell you when we get back! Bye!" He ran off, leaving a very confused Fate behind.

"...Why Arisa and not me?" Fate was not only confused, but a little upset that he didn't even bother asking her to go on a mission.

Feeling Erio squeeze her legs, she sighed. She would have had to have turned him down, but she would have at least liked to have been asked. "Come on, Erio, let's take a bath then visit Nanoha, okay?"

Erio nodded and blinked as there was a thunderous pitter-patter of feet. He turned just in time to have Arashi slam into him, causing both boys to fall down. "Hey!"

"You're going to see Nee-chan! I wanna see Nee-chan!" The boy kicked his legs up and down, causing Fate to smile at him.

"You'll get to come with too, Arashi. After we see Nanoha, we're going to go to the carnival, okay?"

"Yay!" The young boy jumped to his feet and ran around in a circle, clapping his hands together. "Go on rides! I wanna ride the zoom cars!"

Fate chuckled and nodded. "We'll see, won't we?"

"Yeah!" Arashi ran up to her and grinned. "Come on, Erio! Let's get clean for nee-chan!"

Fate fought back the urge to laugh as Arashi grabbed the older boy and practically dragged him to the bathroom. "What a family."

Not that she'd trade it for anything.

Even when Arf, in her child form, came into the kitchen and hopped up on the counter to get at the bowls for something to eat and nearly fell off, causing Fate to rush over and make sure that she was okay, Fate could honestly say that she couldn't be happier.

Even if things that happened around her made her confused.

(---)

"Hey." She looked over at her husband and smiled at the tender look he was giving her. "How are you feeling?"

"Exhausted, sore, tired, upset that I can't do anything more for Nanoha than I already have and worried that she won't pull through." Rolling over, she grabbed him into a tight hug. "I know it's not like me, but, I'm scared."

"Lina," Shiro sighed and hugged her back, "no one would blame you for being scared right now. Your daughter's hurt, badly hurt, laying in a hospital bed, nothing that you, Shamal or Yuuno did could fix her body any faster."

"I wish I could bleed off the Chaos magic more. But it's so soaked into her..." Lina sat up and shook her head. "Remember that stain we had in that rug?" Shiro blinked and slowly shook his head. "That one rug I really liked, but Kyouya spilled grape juice into it. Anyway, no matter how hard we tried, the stain wouldn't come out." Shiro nodded slowly, though he really wasn't sure what she was talking about. "The Chaos energy has basically stained itself onto her soul." Lina shook her head and ran a hand through her hair. "Right now, it's the only thing keeping her alive, and at the same time, it's stopping the rest of us from doing anything to her. If I do get rid of it before her body fully recovers..."

"She'd die." Shiro said softly and Lina nodded. "What if she was hit with Chaos magic from someone else?"

Lina shrugged. "It's Chaos, the power of the Lord of Nightmares. Someone who thought four universes into reality and can unmake reality with a thought. Destruction, creation, life, death, light and dark, it's all her. You can't predict it, you can only react to what it does." It was times like this that she wished she could just ask the Lady what her intentions were.

The only thing Lina could hope for was that Nanoha could pull through this injury in one piece.

Oh Fate, you still have much to learn...
Will Nanoha be communicating with her Darker self? And if she does, can we name her Seikou? Material-S name in GoD doesn't suit a Japanese native... XD

[00-Raiser]

New chapter of Materials no Jikan is done, but I'm going to have to post it tomorrow after I read it over again.

[mega1987]

Originally Posted by 00-Raiser

New chapter of Materials no Jikan is done, but I'm going to have to post it tomorrow after I read it over again.

YAH!!!!

[deathcurse]

Posted "Please Don't Hurt Me" to Fanfiction.net ^^.

I have to say thank you to everyone who commented about the flow of the piece and suggested possible changes that I could have made to smooth those rough edges over. In the end, I chose to flesh out a few places (probably padding the "filler", as Dezo had put it!) but not to make any major changes to the story itself. This is because even after reflection I prefered the story in its raw, jagged form, and also because I considered that I had achieved the purpose of the fic in how I had first written it, and so I'm allowing the lack of elaborate words to also help me express the theme of the story.

So thanks again to everyone who reviewed the first draft ^^--I did seriously think about the suggestions, but ultimately chose to make only the few edits that I did . Cheers!

[MaxwellDemon]

Originally Posted by deathcurse

Posted "Please Don't Hurt Me" to Fanfiction.net ^^.

I have to say thank you to everyone who commented about the flow of the piece and suggested possible changes that I could have made to smooth those rough edges over. In the end, I chose to flesh out a few places (probably padding the "filler", as Dezo had put it!) but not to make any major changes to the story itself. This is because even after reflection I prefered the story in its raw, jagged form, and also because I considered that I had achieved the purpose of the fic in how I had first written it, and so I'm allowing the lack of elaborate words to also help me express the theme of the story.

So thanks again to everyone who reviewed the first draft ^^--I did seriously think about the suggestions, but ultimately chose to make only the few edits that I did . Cheers!

I think that extra 'padding' helped the transition a lot. Feels a lot more smoother while maintaining the jagged, broken mentality Fate has for her thoughts, which really is appropriate for this fic.

Now I can wipe that happy tear from my eyes. Cheers for Lindy.

[RadiantBeam]

Brief update/announcement/whatever:

I just wanted to apologize to anyone reading Shadowverse, because I've been very slow and unfortunately it probably won't be better. I do have the timeline for the whole 'verse (major thank you to Dezo for putting it together!) and I'm adding the links to the document right now. If all goes well, it should be posted to the FFT tonight. Hopefully. Maybe.

...

Keep your fingers crossed.

[Moczo]

Originally Posted by RadiantBeam

Brief update/announcement/whatever:

I just wanted to apologize to anyone reading Shadowverse, because I've been very slow and unfortunately it probably won't be better. I do have the timeline for the whole 'verse (major thank you to Dezo for putting it together!) and I'm adding the links to the document right now. If all goes well, it should be posted to the FFT tonight. Hopefully. Maybe.

...

Keep your fingers crossed.

So... you posted to tell us you had nothing to post, then?

[RadiantBeam]

Originally Posted by Moczo

So... you posted to tell us you had nothing to post, then?

Flawless logic, I know.

[Rising Dragon]

It's classic Beamers, isn't it?

[deathcurse]

Originally Posted by MaxwellDemon

I think that extra 'padding' helped the transition a lot. Feels a lot more smoother while maintaining the jagged, broken mentality Fate has for her thoughts, which really is appropriate for this fic.

Now I can wipe that happy tear from my eyes. Cheers for Lindy.

Thanks, I'm glad it seemed to have done its job!

Originally Posted by RadiantBeam

Brief update/announcement/whatever:

I just wanted to apologize to anyone reading Shadowverse, because I've been very slow and unfortunately it probably won't be better. I do have the timeline for the whole 'verse (major thank you to Dezo for putting it together!) and I'm adding the links to the document right now. If all goes well, it should be posted to the FFT tonight. Hopefully. Maybe.

...

Keep your fingers crossed.

*crosses fingers* ^_^

It'd be cool to have a list with links, that would definitely make reading (or re-reading) it much easier! I'm glad I started early with my list though!

[Moczo]

Originally Posted by RadiantBeam

Flawless logic, I know.

You are filled to the brim with the logic that only a true writer can possess.

That is to say, absolutely none.

[deathcurse]

Originally Posted by Moczo

You are filled to the brim with the logic that only a true writer can possess.

That is to say, absolutely none.

True writers are those crazy people, right?

[RadiantBeam]

Originally Posted by deathcurse

It'd be cool to have a list with links, that would definitely make reading (or re-reading) it much easier! I'm glad I started early with my list though!

We'll have to see if it all even fits into one post once I've inserted the links. The full document is four pages, and I know the posts have a length limit.

Originally Posted by Moczo

You are filled to the brim with the logic that only a true writer can possess.

That is to say, absolutely none.

So true writers use no logic?

[Moczo]

Originally Posted by deathcurse

True writers are those crazy people, right?

Originally Posted by RadiantBeam

So true writers use no logic?

The logic of the insane is what drives us to torture ourselves with this thing called 'writing'. Ours is a system of no logic, and yet mad logic. We thrive in the contradictions and rarely, if ever, make sense to anyone who isn't seeing the world in the same insane wavelength.

[Rising Dragon]

Originally Posted by RadiantBeam

We'll have to see if it all even fits into one post once I've inserted the links. The full document is four pages, and I know the posts have a length limit.

A single post can hold four pages easy. 17 pages, not so much.

[RadiantBeam]

Originally Posted by Rising Dragon

A single post can hold four pages easy. 17 pages, not so much.

All righty then, this shouldn't be a problem once I've got it all together. Thanks, RD!

[00-Raiser]

And a post about not having anything to post gets more replies than most fics do

Sorry to butt in on such an important conversation, but I came to deliver as promised:

Spoiler for Materials no Jikan chapter 5: Sick Days:

“Hang in there, Yuuno-sensei!” Raiko firmly gripped the bedridden Yuuno’s hand. “Please don’t die!”

“Don’t worry, Raiko,” Yuuno said with a cough. “Everything will be all right…”

“There’s only one way to save you!” Raiko said. “We have to go on a fantastic voyage into your body, just like in that movie ‘Harold and Kumar go to White Castle’!”

“… It is merely a cold.” Seikou said as she looked at a thermometer. “He will recover in a day or so.”

“Hrmp, succumbing to a mere virus…” Yami scoffed. “Well… not like it’s going to kill you.”

“Thanks for the concern but there’s no need to get worked up about it.” Yuuno managed a smile. “I just need to rest, that’s all. Why don’t you three go out and play somewhere? You’ve reached the point where you don’t require constant supervision, you know.”

“I refuse to leave Yuuno-san in such a state,” Seikou said simply. “I will stay by your side until you are well again.”

“I’m staying too!” Raiko bounced up. “It’s no fun without Yuuno-sensei around!”

“And without my leadership, who knows what sort of trouble will occur,” Yami said. “Be thankful that I too shall remain!”

“Do not concern yourself with us,” Seikou said. “Just focus on getting better.”

“Okay, thank you.” Yuuno closed his eyes. “I think I’ll just go back to sleep.”

“Then I’ll sing you a lullaby!” Raiko beamed and started singing. “GOOD NIGHT, SWEET DREAMS TO YOU! RIDING ON A SHIP OF CLOUDS!”

“How do you expect anyone to sleep with you shouting like that?!” Yami grabbed Raiko’s collar and dragged her out of the room. “You’re coming with me.”

“Just you watch! I’ll become the top selling voice actress someday!” Raiko said as she was pulled away.

“I am sorry for that,” Seikou said.

“It’s fine,” Yuuno said. “With any luck some of her energy will be transferred to me and I’ll be better in no time.”

“Yes, that would be nice.” Seikou smiled slightly.

X-X-X

“So Yami, what are we going to do tonight?” Raiko asked.

“The same thing we do every night…” Yami slapped her own forehead. “I refuse to lower myself to spouting random pop culture references…”

“In some places it’s called soda!”

“…. Right. Anyways since that peon is ill I felt it appropriate to make something to assist with his recovery. After all, he’s no good to me stuck in bed all day.”

“Are we gonna do some cooking?” Raiko asked.

“No, I am going to do some cooking. You won’t touch anything.”

“But I wanna help too!”

“Then stay out of my way.”

“Yami, do you even know how to cook?”

“Don’t be foolish. I have the only skill required to cook well.” Yami reached into the cupboard and pulled out a book. “I know how to read.” She flipped through the pages and found a recipe. “Yes, a hearty soup will do nicely.”

X-X-X

Yami took the soup to the bedroom and found Yuuno sitting up in bed.

“Yami, what’s that you have there?” He asked.

“Something to speed up your recovery,” she said, pushing the bowl into his hands. “Be thankful I went to such lengths for you.”

“I am thankful. Now let’s have a taste…” Yuuno popped a spoonful into his mouth. “This is amazing! I’m cured!” He jumped out of the bed and went down to his knees. “I swear I shall serve you from this day forward, your majesty!”

X-X-X

“Hehehe, yes, it’s perfect!”

“Let me help!” Raiko said. “Let me help let me help let me help!”

“Fine!” Yami sighed. “Go get the pot while I get the stock.”

“Kay!”

The soup making process progressed fairly smoothly.

“Now to add the noodles.” Yami dropped them in. Plop. “Next, the chicken…” She walked away to get the meat.

“Chocolate makes everything better!” Plop. Raiko dropped a bar of it into the pot and walked away.

“Chicken is in.” Plop. “Now the carrots…” Yami walked away.

“Caramel is yummy!” Raiko came back and squirted syrup into the soup before leaving again. Plop.

“Carrots are in.” Plop. “Next …”

“Can’t get enough sugar!” Plop.

“Some potatoes…” Plop.

“I don’t even know what this is!” Plop.

“Finally, some celery.” Plop. Yami put in the final ingredient and studied her work. She frowned as the bubbling purple liquid looked nothing like the picture in the book. “That can’t be right, I followed the instructions to the letter! Hm, it does say that results may vary so that must be it!”

When it was ready, Yami put some soup into a bowl and headed upstairs.

“I hope he likes it!” Raiko said as she followed.

They entered the room to see Yuuno sitting up with a book and Seikou sitting beside the bed with a book of her own.

“I thought you were going to sleep,” Yami said.

“Well, that’s easier said than done.” Yuuno smiled sheepishly.

“It’s just as well. I have prepared nourishment for you.” Yami held out the bowl.

“Wow, really? Thank… you…” Yuuno looked at the purple fluid. “Uh… this is…”

“Soup, obviously.” Yami pushed the bowl into his hands. “I went to the trouble of making this for you, so you better eat every last drop!”

“O-Okay…” Yuuno gulped. Maybe it wouldn’t be as bad as it looked. He hesitantly put a spoonful into his mouth, his face turned blue, and he fell backwards unconscious.

Seikou quickly grabbed the bowl before it made a mess. “What did you make him eat?” She asked calmly.

“It was just soup!” Yami said. “I followed the recipe in the book perfectly!”

“I believe the results speak for themselves.”

“Haha! Yami is a lethal chef!” Raiko said.

“I do not have such a cliché character setting!” Yami crossed her arms. “I fail to see what could have gone wrong.”

“Yami’s a bad cook! Yami’s a bad cook!” Raiko danced around.

“I am not!”

“And to think I even made it better with that extra stuff I threw in!”

“… SO IT WAS YOU!!!” Yami lunged but Raiko evaded.

“Wai~! Yami is angry!”

“GET BACK HERE YOU BLUE HAIRED BAFOON!” Yami chased Raiko out of the room.

Seikou let out a heavy sigh.

X-X-X

Yuuno resurfaced sometime later and saw that Seikou was still there beside him.

“Seikou… How long was I out?”

“A few hours,” she said. “Well, at least that soup assured that you got some rest.”

“Not sure the cost was worth it…” Yuuno shuddered. “How could something that bad exist?”

“It appears that Raiko tampered with it, so do not fault Yami for it.”

“I see… Where are those two anyways?”

“I believe Yami is still making Raiko eat the remainder of that soup.”

“Oh… So, were you here with me the entire time?”

“Yes.”

“You didn’t have to do that.” Yuuno frowned. “Don’t inconvenience yourself for my sake. I’m sure there were things you’d rather do.”

“There was not,” Seikou said. “Ensuring that you become well is what I want to do. When you feel better, so will I.”

“Well… thanks…”

“And do not concern yourself with inconveniencing me. In fact, I wish you would rely on me more. You have done so much for me and I want to repay you.”

“It’s not like I’m helping you because I want something in return…”

“I am aware, but some one who does not return the good will of others is the worst sort of person.”

“Well, maybe…” Yuuno scratched his cheek.

“So please, I would like for you to rely on me more. I want to be of use to you.”

“Thanks for the offer, Seikou.” Yuuno smiled. “I’ll keep it in mind.”

“For starters, remove your clothes.”

“Okay, I’ll… HUH?”

“Please remove your clothes.”

“Wh-Why?!” Yuuno pulled away.

“You sweated profusely while you slept. I shall wipe your body down.”

“It’s okay, I can do it myself!”

“I insist.” Seikou grabbed hold of his shirt and pulled.

“Please give me a break!”

X-X-X

The next day…

“I suppose you brought this on yourself,” Yami said as she looked down on the bedridden Seikou.

“I’m sorry, Seikou,” Yuuno said. “I gave you my cold.”

“Do not worry about it.” Seikou coughed. “You should get going to the library, Yuuno-san. You said you wanted to get some work done there.”

“I do, but I can’t leave you like this,” he said. “You stayed by my side yesterday, so…”

“No, I do not wish to cause you any more inconvenience. Please go.”

“But…”

“Enough of this!” Yami stomped her foot. “If she says go, then get going, peon!”

“Yami…”

“You can make yourself useful by taking that idiot with you and getting her out of our hair. I will look after this one.”

“Really?” Yuuno blinked. “You’d do that, Yami?”

“Don’t question me! Now get lost!” Yami kicked Yuuno out of the room.

“Well, call if anything…” The door slammed in Yuuno’s face.

“Does he do something other than worry?” Yami pursed her lips and flopped down into a chair. “He shouldn’t doubt his king!”

“You needn’t trouble yourself either, Yami,” Seikou said. “I can…”

“Silence! I… I would be troubled if something happened to a valuable subject such as yourself! I’m only looking out for my own interests!”

“I see.” Seikou smiled slightly.

“… What are you smiling at? No matter. I’ll make you some soup later.”

“… I think I shall pass.”

“Hey! That wasn’t my fault! It will taste fine this time!”

“I am not so certain…”

“Why you…” Yami blinked. “Wait, are you trying to be funny?”

“Yes.”

“… You’ve got some nerve, teasing your king!”

“… If I may be direct, I do not see you as my king.”

“HUH? I’m going to pretend that’s the fever talking!”

“I am being serious. I consider you, as well as Raiko, to be my precious sisters.”

“Sisters? That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard! I’m your king and you’re my subject! Nothing more! Never forget that!”

“Oh… My apologies…” Seikou lowered her head. “For thinking something so foolish…”

Silence hung in the room as Yami watched Seikou’s crestfallen expression out of the corner of her eye.

“… Just so we’re clear…” Yami said. “I’m the oldest sister! You can be the middle one!”

Seikou’s head perked up. “Yami…”

“W-What? Don’t look at me like that! This doesn’t make you a princess or anything, and it still means I get to boss you around, you got that?!”

“I understand.” Seikou smiled happily. “Thank you, Yami.”

“W-Whatever… I’ll go make that soup now!”

Yami left the room and Seikou sat back contently. She might have still been sick, but she felt fantastic.

Spoiler for notes:

Wonder if anyone gets Raiko's first joke or knows the lullaby she's singing.

So to decide on what I work on next I'm gonna do something different.

Here we have Doors #1 to #4. Behind them is a different fic and whichever door gets the most votes is what I work on. A hint: Three's Company is behind one of them.

This time I'll aim to have it done for Sunday, which means I'll probably post it on Monday

The first person to post the answers to what I said in the notes will get 2 votes.

[Yasanagi]

Heh... go Raiko for pulling random ingredients. Reminds me of the Powerpuff Girls trying to duplicate the recipe that made them for a new sister.

[Rising Dragon]

Raiko's concoction wasn't nearly as useful though. >.>